Christine or Gossip at the Planet

By Beth Long (

Summary: The Planet's newest employee, who is copyperson and all-around gopher, makes it her mission to steer Dan Scardino away from Lois Lane.

Comments appreciated & needed! :)


"Another fun day at the Planet," Christine sighed as she walked through the elevator doors. Being the 'newest' (if you could call being there for two months new) copyperson at the Daily Planet, she had the most gopher jobs in the main newsroom and the least number of breaks. She was constantly running edited copy down to the various departments and pictures back to Perry's office and small errands for the busy reporters. Of course, she had her favorite reporters, the pair of Lane and Kent. The two best reporters of the Planet had come to count on her for a quick joke or, in Lois' case, a ready supply of Double Fudge Crunch bars in her backpack. Chris, as she was called, or, in Perry's case, bellowed, was always busy with this and that but always found time to say hi and ask what was up.

Today was no exception as she just had enough time between runs for coffee for the sports' editor and doughnuts for the photographers to say hi to Lois and Clark, who were getting ready to go out to check on a lead.

"Chris, can you watch the phones for us while we check this out?" Clark asked as Lois rummages through her purse.

Chris looks around at the office and shrugs, "Sure!" as she hands Lois a couple of Crunch bars.

"Thanks Chris!" Lois smiles. "Come on, Clark, we need to hurry or we'll miss our source!" Lois drags Clark off into the elevator.

After a few more errands, Chris stops by the water cooler for a drink. There are only two others there: Mindy, an assistant to the gossip columnist and Amy, one of the gophers for the culture/art/food department. The topic for the day was, as it had been for awhile, Lois, Clark, and the scruffy DEA Dan Scardino. As Chris comes up to them, they look at her and continue their conversation.

"Lois must be completely crazy!" Amy gushed. "That DEA guy's a hunk and he's completely fallen for her! Why doesn't she go for him?"

"Yeah, Clark may have been fine for awhile & as a friend but he's always leaving her to go do something." Mindy agreed. She looks as Chris gets some water. "And what do _you_ think about Lois and Dan, Christine?"

"I think you're both nuts! Lois and Clark were made for each other! Plus Sardine has no class or manners at all! He tried to pick up Lois by asking if her eyelashes were real." Chris laughs. "DEA nothing, his brain must be DOA. I've heard better pickup lines from Neanderthals!"

"You would know, Christine." Amy sneers. "And it's Scardino."

"Besides, he at least tries to go for Lois," Mindy added. "Look at Clark. One date and that's it. Lois would be better off to go after another guy."

Chris butts in, "Think about what happened after that date though. Don't you think Mayson's death hurt Clark? Sheesh, with your attitudes, if that happened to you, I'd expect you guys would be right back to dating an hour after the funeral. And Amy, sardine is the perfect description for that slimy and disgusting.."

"CHRIS!" Perry bellowed at that moment.

"Later," Chris said, racing toward Perry's office, leaving the two to wonder what was the matter with her. Once she had finished Perry's errands, Lois's phone decided to ring. It was Bobby Bigmouth. They chatted for a little bit until Chris agreed to give Bobby her mom's recipe for beef stroganoff in return for his info. As she was copying the lead down, Dan Scardino walked out of the elevator to Lois' desk. Promising Bobby a batch of mint brownies for any follow-ups, Chris hangs up and turns to Dan.

"Can I help you," she asks.

"Yeah kid, do you know where Lois is?" Dan asks.

"No, geezer, I don't," Chris shoots back. She may be only 18 and in college but very few people can call her kid and get away with it. Dan, obviously, is not one of those people.

He decides to ignore the 'geezer' remark. "Any idea when she'll be back?"

"Nope. She went out with Clark…to check on a source. Want to leave a message?"

Dan grins, "Nah, I'll just wait for her."

Chris nods and says, "Fine, just stay out of my way and don't mess with anything." She leaves him to take some Superman pictures down to the copy room for Perry. When she gets back, she finds Dan going through files on Lois' computer. She sneaks up behind him and shuts off the monitor.

"What do you think you're doing?" Dan splutters.

"That's funny. I was going to ask you the same thing," Chris says. "Computer access is limited to Planet employees _only_ and last time I checked you weren't on the payroll."

Dan looks up at her and explains, "I was checking my e-mail. Is that a crime?"

Chris turns the monitor back on and looks at what is open. "Hmm…your e-mail looks alot like Lois' public files. Maybe you'd like to wait in the lobby for her to tell her of this great coincidence, Mr. Sardine?"

As Chris escorts him to the elevator, Dan says, "Hey, that's Scardino. You've been acting weird ever since I came in here. What's the matter with you? I haven't done anything to tick you off."

Chris stares at him as he walks into the elevator. "Sure you have, Danny boy! You've simply been keeping two people who belong together apart." Then at his stunned look, "Bye- bye!"

As she turned from the elevator, a smile creeps across her face as she thinks of Lois and Clark. Since they had taken Lois' jeep, they'd come back through the elevator, which connected with the underground parking lot. As she weaved her way back to Perry's office, she wondered how long Scardino would wait in the lobby for Lois before he realized she wasn't coming.

She sighed and smiled even more. "Maybe today isn't that bad after all!"