By IRC Round Robin
Submitted November 7, 1997
Summary: Posing as SCU officers, Lois and Clark go undercover to unmask a traitor in the department. An IRC Round Robin fanfic.
(An IRC Round Robin fanfic)
Submitted by Eileen <Eraygun@aol.com>
Participants: Doris (firstname.lastname@example.org), CKgroupie (NKWolke@t-online.de), Chrispat (email@example.com), Zoomway (firstname.lastname@example.org), and (Eileen or Eraygun@aol.com)
"Lois! Clark! Get in here NOW!" Perry's voice thundered across the busy Daily Planet City room. Lois exchanged quizzical looks with her partner, best friend, and husband, Clark.
"Well, I didn't do anything! At least nothing that the chief could know about," Lois said. "What about you?"
"Lois," Clark smiled. "I'm Superman, I'm always good."
Lois nudged him with her elbow. "I know, but have you done anything that would upset Perry?"
He shrugged. "Why don't we find out?"
Lois nodded. "My plan too."
They both took a deep breath and walked into the inner sanctum of the news room. They abandoned all hope.
A woman in her early 40s stood by Perry's side. Perry gestured for Lois and Clark to have a seat. "This is Captain Sawyer of the Metropolis Special Crimes Unit."
"Oh," Clark smiled. "I remember meeting some hopefuls when I did that academy doghouse story..er that academy assignment Perry gave me a couple of years ago. It was just in the working stages then."
"That's right, Mr..?"
"Kent," Clark said and shook her hand.
Sawyer then looked at Lois. "And you're Lois Lane. I've been a fan for quite a while."
Lois blushed. "Well, I've been partnered with Clark for…years…Um, how is it you know me and not Clark?"
Sawyer shrugged, "I guess I just notice you more."
"Well, boys and girls," Perry interrupted. "It seems there's something going on at the SCU and Captain Sawyer needs your investigative skills on this one."
Lois folded her arms, "And it's not like a good police scandal would hurt circulation for the Planet."
"Hey, hey, hey!" Perry growled. "This is a civic responsibility…and you're right," he relented. "Scandal sells papers."
Clark frowned. "What exactly is the problem, Captain Sawyer?"
She sighed. "A leak. We figure someone has been bought off on the inside of the SCU and is tipping off Intergang and others."
"So when you go to make a bust, there's nothing at the scene?"
"Exactly, Ms. Lane."
"Not only that," Perry added. "But Henderson said that it's now affecting the Metro force too. Could be a big scandal. Lots of warm bodies on this."
"And so we're to…?"
Sawyer handed boxes and shields to Lois and Clark, "…be cops."
Lois shook her head, "Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"
"Please, Ms. Lane," Sawyer said, raising a restraining hand. "Spare me the next verse. Will you and Kent do it?"
Lois took the boxes and handed Clark his. "We'll need more than these uniforms to disguise us, Chief."
"Every crook in Metropolis knows who we are," Clark added.
"I know that," Perry replied. "But, knowing Lois, I'm sure she can come up with disguises for you both."
"That's what I'm afraid of, Chief." Clark shuddered, remembering some of Lois's more creative disguises. "She'll probably make me be the policewoman."
Perry laughed. "Now that sounds like a thought."
Lois grinned at Clark. "I might just do that."
As they left Perry's office, Lois took pity on Clark. "Okay, I won't make you be a policewoman, but how about a visiting Scottish policeman on assignment to observe Metropolis police procedures? You could wear a kilt."
Clark looked a little doubtful. "But that's a skirt, Lois."
"I know, but you have such cute knees. I've always wondered how you would look in a kilt."
"What about you, Lois? I think I should decide on your disguise, since you've apparently already decided on mine."
"Try to find one," Lois said with a grin, "but I'm sure I'm not going to look as nice as you will!"
Clark smiled back. "OK, what about another hair color for a start? You know, I really like you in burgundy."
"Oh no, Clark, that'll look cheap."
"No, no, not cheap. I'm going to make you some leftover from the seventies, you know, with old, dark clothes, cloudy eyes and playing the guitar…" Clark grinned and added, "That'll keep all the other guys from falling for you and we'll do just fine!"
Lois wasn't very excited about the idea of playing guitar, but she had to admit that they really needed a disguise, because their faces were two of the best known in Metropolis. They decided to try it.
Next morning, they started the work at the SCU. Maggie Sawyer already had announced the arrival of a new cop from Scotland and his partner and so they were greeted warmly by the director of the SCU.
Sawyer met them at the front gate and asked them to join her in her office. When the door had closed behind them, she looked them over slowly and carefully. "That is quite a disguise you've got there. I may add that this attire is not quite in line with our dress code. But at least nobody will recognize you."
Clark shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he looked down at himself at his bare, though incredibly impressive legs. The hand-knitted socks his mother had given him for Christmas just added to the authentic look and left a good portion between his socks and kilt free. When he felt Lois's eyes take in his legs and settle on his legs appreciatively, he blushed.
Quickly, he focused his attention to their host. "Well, officer, what exactly do you have in mind we should do here? How do we get started?"
Sawyer shrugged. "We'll have you start by a tour of the premises. Then you'll accompany one of our teams. We really don't have an idea yet where to start. We are relying on you to dig up the leads." She let her eyes rest on Lois and Clark for a while, contemplating their disguise, then added, "Your being visitors could actually be helpful. You wouldn't be suspected of having any clue as to what is going on. But we better get you started." With that, she picked up the phone and dialed to the desk outside to call in the young rookie assigned to be Lois and Clark's tour guide.
"You wanted to see me, ma'am?" the young officer said timidly.
"Yes, Polanski, these are the visitors I told you about," Sawyer replied. "Constable Macpherson from the Glasgow Police Department and Officer Leary from the SFPD. They're both here to study SCU methods in hopes of opening up similar units back in their own police forces. I want you to show them around but first, take them down to ordnance and see if we can get them outfitted with something a little less…"
"Sore thumb?" Polanski asked.
"That's the idea. Be gentle."
Polanski nodded in the direction of the hall and Lois and Clark followed. Lois, for no particular reason other than boredom, blew the ribbons dangling from the back of Clark's glengarry cap. He turned and whispered, "Next time you're in a skirt, a super breeze may catch you off guard."
"Here we are. The far row of lockers have some uniforms and gear." He looked at Lois. "There aren't separate facilities yet, but if you want to take turns, the door locks."
Lois folded her arms. "We'll manage."
"Suit yourself," he said, pulling the door closed.
Clark started pulling clothing out of a locker. "Pants!"
Lois began removing her Haight-Ashbury togs. "Is that a command?"
Clark smiled admiringly as Lois fastened a Sam Brown belt to her trousers. She looked at two empty pouches. "What are these for?"
"Speed loaders," Clark said as he buttoned his shirt.
"And they would be?"
Clark pulled two round objects from the shelf, each containing 6 rounds of ammunition. "These. You put them in the cylinder, twist, and 'voila', you're fully loaded."
Lois shook her head. "I have a pistol, not a revolver."
"Oops. Okay, then you have the wrong belt."
"Here," he said, snapping narrow pouches to her belt. "You have magazine pouches in that case."
Lois placed a cap on her head in the 'low rider' position. "Great, give me Mademoiselle and Popular Mechanics."
Clark smacked her rump. "Let's get out and get under, partner."
"Seriously, Clark. I'd like the revolver, you take the pistol. I don't know how to work the thing."
"Lois, you were born to handle a pistol, I'm speaking from experience here."
"Okay," he smiled. "I'll take the pistol, you take the revolver. I hate losing the cool speed loaders though."
"Tell it to Santa…okay, how do I look?"
Clark appraised her slowly. Lois smacked his chest. "Do I look like a cop or not?"
"Honey, remember when I told you about some of my weird dreams about you?"
"Forget it," she sighed. "Let's go!"
They gave each other one last inspecting and appreciating look. Then, stepping outside the locker room, they found officer Polanski waiting for them eagerly. Transformed into "real" police officers, they made an even bigger impression on the young officer, who promptly snapped to attention.
"At ease, young man," Clark said in his best imitation of a Scottish accent. "Where do we start the tour?"
Polanski stepped aside, indicating the door. "If you will follow me, sirs."
"Well I guess we should start at the firing range," Polanski said as he began to shepherd both Lois and Clark down the hallway outside the locker room. "That's where we take all our VIPs. Maybe you'll get to test some of the new hardware the Captain borrowed from Fort McNamara."
"New Hardware?" Lois replied warily.
"Yes, ma'am, we've got some great stuff!" the young officer said happily. "Why Sgt. Turpin says some of it can stop a charging rhino."
"Here, MacPherson, this is a CAR-15. Give it a whirl."
Clark grabbed the weapon. "It's light."
"Yep, if it's Mattel, it's swell."
Clark swallowed. "Aye..um..I assume this is gas operated from a closed bolt rather than blowback like an Uzi?"
"Wow, I didn't think men in skirts would know so much about weapons."
"We have our moments…laddie," Clark said, and began blasting at a mansize silhouette. "This needs a burst limiter. The cyclical rate is too high and the weapon and round are too light."
Polanski nodded. "I'm impressed. Ever fire a real tommy gun?"
The man pulled out a 1927 A-1 Thompson submachine gun (the cool deluxe model with the fluted barrel.)
"May I?" Lois interrupted, taking the tommy gun. She pointed it at the silhouette and started firing. She took out the entire center of the target.
Clark whistled, "That's more like it."
Polanski shook his head. "Okay, well…I guess we should move on."
Polanski led the way to a patrol car. "I guess we should hit the streets. There's a demonstration scheduled in front of city hall. A bunch of those NRA nuts are protesting that gun restriction law passed yesterday."
Lois and Clark glanced at each other. "What does that have to do with police corruption?" Lois whispered under her breath.
Clark shrugged. "I guess we'll find out."
When they arrived, the protest was in full swing. As they got out of the car, Clark got a look at the ringleader of the demonstration. He grabbed Lois and held her back a little to whisper in her ear.
"That guy is a member of Intergang. I saw him with Bill Church before he went to jail."
"Oh, he's a 'Costmart official'. I've seen him at various functions. I'm sure he's involved with Intergang, sources indicated that, too, but they were never able to prove anything."
People were shouting, and suddenly a loud gunshot was fired, only to be followed by several others. The situation seemed to be getting out of hand fast. Polanski pulled the car over to the side of the street. Getting out, he looked at them. "Well, this looks like it may become dangerous. You better stay in the car and watch from a distance. We don't want to put our VIP guests in any danger."
"Now wait a minute!" Lois started in protest. "Who do you think you're talking to? We're just as…"
"I have my orders, ma'am. Your safety is of utmost importance."
Clark could see that Lois was getting into gear really fast. Before she could interject, however, he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Officer Polanski is right. And we also have a much better view from here. Thank you officer."
Polanski looked at him gratefully, saluted, and then left to disappear into the crowd. When he was gone, Lois glared at her husband. "Is this how we're supposed to get to the bottom of this, just stand at the sidelines…?"
Clark briefly touched his neckline, symbolically opening the top button of his shirt. "Services are needed. I could hardly change with Polanski around." As Lois again started to protest, he added, "Besides, one of us needs to observe and take notes. You really have a better view from here. I'll be back shortly." He briefly kissed her, then opened the car door, and when nobody was looking, was gone in a whoosh.
As Superman made his way through the crowd of angry demonstrators and policemen, Lois noticed that Sam Wainwright, the Costmart official, was no longer at the center of the crowd. He was moving rapidly to an alley not far from the City hall building, followed by Tarses and Eisner, two members of the SCU. Sneaking behind them, Lois made her way to the alley and crouched behind a parked car so she could listen to their conversation.
"Look," Tarses said to Eisner, "This is not a Mickey Mouse operation."
Eisner narrowed his eyes. "Look, it's all been as easy as ABC so far. Don't get nervous, or you can be replaced."
"Is that a threat, Mike?"
Eisner flared his jacket showing his crossdraw holster. "It's a promise!"
Lois felt a sneeze coming on. As she drew in the fatal breath, a large hand covered her nose and mouth. She elbowed the intruder and then recoiled in pain. There was nothing like trying to jab the man of steel. He smiled at her, and raised his eyebrows. She loved his mocking expression *except* when it was directed at her.
Clark slipped his hand away. "Okay?"
Lois nodded, "Thanks."
There was the sound of a shot. Clark ==whooshed== to the last known location of Eisner and Tarses, but Tarses lay bleeding in the alley. (the crowd rejoices)
Kneeling down next to Lois, Clark quickly X-rayed the bullet wound.
"Remember, Lois, even if she's been a traitor, we have no right to take justice in our own hands. We have to stop that bleeding however."
Tearing away Tarses's bloodied uniform, he quickly directed his heat vision at the wound. Tarses winced and seem to be regaining consciousness as the twin beams of heat made searing contact with her flesh. Expecting him to finish or try to wait for his "patient's" pain to ease, Lois was amazed to see that Clark seemed to continue emitting beams of heat at Tarses's wound.
"Clark…?" she whispered so close to his ear that only he could hear it. "What are you doing…?"
"It was a deep wound. I needed to be very careful and sure I cauterized all of it…"
As the bleeding finally stopped, Clark stopped his heat vision. Her face still contorted in pain and her breathing labored, Tarses opened her eyes.
"Superman…?" Tarses said weakly. "Is that you?" Clark nodded. "You've got to stop them…,before…its too..late. Intergang has the power… and it's only a matter of ti…" but before the stricken police officer could finish…
…she lost consciousness.
"Power for what?" Lois asked. "I wonder who else is involved."
Meanwhile, in a hidden basement at Cosco, Mindy Church leaned back in her chair, puffing on a huge cigar. "Everything is going just fine, but we can't move on to the next step until we get rid of that party pooper, Superman."
Sam jumped up. " We have that all planned, Mrs. Church."
"Oh good," she purred. "You know how I can't stand to have my plans ruined by that big spoilsport. It just ruins my hair."
"No prob, Mrs. Church. The man of steel is a real dead deal."
"Ooh, I love rhymes!" Her girlish bimbo expression vanished suddenly as she squelched Sam's coat. "But if it doesn't, remember this rhyme: one fish two fish dead fish blue fish." She released his coat and placed the cigar back between her teeth.
"Uh..I'll keep that in mind…we have a no lose plan."
"I hope so, Sam, I really do, because I hate failures. I see it as a kind of…rejection.
"I won't fail!" he shouted and gratefully left Mindy's web.
Mindy set the cigar in the ashtray, went to a cabinet and picked up a jar marked 'fish food' she sprinkled some into an aquarium. "Well, Joey, now you feed my pretty fishes. At least I saved you the humiliation of going to trial."
Back at the demonstration scene, the arriving police were using water hoses to break up the crowd. With Wainwright gone without a trace and the crowd having very effectively destroyed every trail that Superman might have come up with, Lois and Clark made their way back to the waiting car, climbing back in before Polanski returned.
They used the moment of privacy to explore the options ahead of them and also each other. While they had names now, they still didn't know what power Tarses had been referring to, nor had they any way yet to prove just how Wainwright, Tarses, and Eisner were involved. They would have to rely on Tarses's testimony for that. Thus, one priority was to make sure that Tarses lived to give that testimony. For now they knew her to be safe in the police hospital, though.
Thus they decided that their best bet was to stay as unobtrusive as possible until they had further leads. Just as they concentrated on a thorough exploration of each others' mouths, Clark's superhearing focused on his partner rather then the outside, they were surprised by a knock on the car door. Polanski was back and cleared his throat rather noisily. When they drew apart, Polanski looked at them in apology.
Clark straightened up to his full height. "Get a move on, laddie, then. I believe the next item on the agenda was the headquarters canteen wasn't it?"
"Yessir." Polanski got back behind the wheel, and turning the car around, set off back towards headquarters. On the back seat, Lois and Clark made a conscious effort to not snuggle too close together, but their hands soon found each other again as they rode in silence for a while. When Lois's stomach growled loudly suddenly, Clark gave her a big smile.
"You *are* ready for lunch, aren't you?"
She nodded eagerly. "Yeah, and they told me they had a special on the menu today."
Clark had to suppress a grin. "So I heard."
She looked at him expectantly. "Oh, so what's for chow then?"
"Maybe you want to be surprised, just enjoy it…"
"Hey, c'mon. It's not fair that you know what's on, but don't share." She poked his chest playfully. "No secrets, remember?"
"All right, it's some dishes honoring visitors from different countries: You have a choice between Blutwurst and Sauerkraut and Haggis."
"Is that what I think it is…?" All of a sudden she didn't look that hungry anymore.
Clark was torn between amusement and sympathy for his hungry wife as the car passed the headquarters gate and then pulled to a stop before the cafeteria. Placing an arm around her, he smiled reassuringly. "Maybe if you're lucky, they'll also have sandwiches."
"Oh…? Probably with liverwurst. I *hate* liver…"
Getting out of the car in a hurry, she marched off towards the canteen in a hurry. Clark grinned as he followed her, knowing that Lois would soon cheer up again when she found out that Black Forest chocolate cake was also on the menu.
Meanwhile, Wainwright and Eisner were meeting in a secret hideout down by the docks. Wainwright had brought blueprints of the latest version of the quantum disrupter and…
"Look are you sure this thing is going to work?" Wainwright asked.
"Positive!" Eisner said. "I've got the working model out in the car. It's one of those fancy weapons that Maggie Sawyer finagled out of the army. All we have to do is lure Superman here and poof, no more problem. It's just a question of where and when."
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Wainwright asked.
"What?" Eisner replied testily.
"How?" Wainwright replied. "Just how do you intend to get that overgrown boy scout here?"
"Simple, all we need is the right bait," Eisner replied smugly. "And while that was a problem a few days ago, *sweet* little Maggie's attempts to find the traitor have given us just what we need. Lois Lane and Clark Kent are at police headquarters right now. All we have to do is capture them. And we've got the perfect bait to attract Superman."
"Sounds pretty foolproof," Wainwright agreed.
"Exactly. And with Superman no longer able to prop her up, Sawyer will be through as head of the SCU. The job will be mine like it should have been from the start! From there I'll be police chief in no time flat and I'll be able to deliver the entire department to your boss on a silver platter. It's a definite win-win situation."
"But what about Lane and Kent?" Wainwright asked.
"What about them?"
"Are you going to kill them too?"
"But won't there be questions, a police probe, something?!"
"Look I can handle any probe, I've got friends in *high* places. Besides who's going to miss two nosy reporters? You worry too much."
"You bet I worry!" Wainwright replied angrily, "My boss doesn't like slip ups. We're already close to one now with Tarses in police custody even if she is in a coma."
"I've got a plan for that too."
After Lois and Clark finished lunch, their guide took them to the hospital to check on Tarses. To their disappointment, she was still in a coma, so they decided to go back to the crime scene to see if they could find some other clues. Wainwright and Eisner had followed them to the hospital and saw their chance to act when Lois, Clark, and Polanski were examining the ground for clues.
Eisner grabbed Lois from behind and pointed a gun at her temple. "Okay, you're coming with me or the little lady gets her head blown off."
Clark froze. Even with superspeed, he wouldn't be able to get to Lois in time.
"If you all will be so kind as to follow me, the lovely Ms Lane won't have to change the part in her hair, and I won't have to get a big dry cleaning bill."
Clark moved forward, Eisner tightened his grip. "Uh huh, boyfriend. I'm sure you look good in black, but I don't think you want Lois in a six handle suitcase."
Clark raised his hands. "Okay, okay, just don't hurt her."
"Believe me, Kent, my little plan wouldn't work if your wife gave up the oxygen habit just now," Eisner said and tipped his head toward the parking lot.
[We have an exposition wipe avoiding having to explain every dadgum move in the van and the ride to the warehouse. We now join our heroes tied to chairs in the warehouse. Lois and Clark are handcuffed back to back.]
Eisner smiled. "Now a little call to the Daily Planet, a known pipeline to Superman, and the wait will be over."
"Oy," Lois whispered. "Bait again! We're tied up in just one more cosmic tacklebox."
"One week I'm a top-water lure…"
"The next I'm spinner bait."
"Honey, if they're using us as bait, then…"
"They have a payoff for Superman, the biggest fish in the sea."
"What we have to do is try and find out what that is…"
"And put it out of commission."
Clark smiled and laced his fingers with hers. "Remember those weird dreams, one did involve handcuffs."
"You're turned on by this too, aren't you?" she whispered.
Clark squeezed her hand just a little tighter in response. Then he broke the handcuffs easily, helping her to her feet as he got up with one swift motion. He turned and quickly took her into his arms. Pulling her close, he kissed her and when he looked at her, his eyes held the promise of many a binding activity. "We won't need those," he said, indicating the broken handcuffs. "Once we're through with this, I promise nothing will tear us apart. Have I ever told you about Robinson Island?"
Picking up on the twinkle in his eyes, she shook her head, "No, but I'm looking forward to finding out all about it." Sighing, she then returned to reality. "We need to get out of here fast. But what do we do with him?" she asked, pointing at Polanski who was still oblivious of his surroundings.
Clark went over to him quickly, checking his pulse. Then lifting one of the unconscious man's eyelids, he said, "He seems to be OK, but he's probably gonna be out cold for a while still. While he is, I don't think he is in danger. So we just leave him here."
With that he adjusted his hearing, and when he knew nobody was approaching yet, crossed over to the door.
Easing the door open, Clark discovered an inner office with a set of blueprints on the table.
"What are these?" Lois asked as she quickly entered the doorway.
"It looks like the plans for the Quantum Disbander/Disrupter," Clark whispered.
"Oy, not again! First Lex, then the Presses. Now these clowns!"
"Unfortunately, there's more to it than that, honey," Clark said as he picked up a spec sheet for the weapon lying nearby. "Some additional modifications have been made to make it even more effective against me…I mean Superman."
"What do you mean?"
"According to this spec sheet, there is now an optional setting which will allow the Disbander to emit electromagnetic radiation with the same frequency as Kryptonite."
"Good lord! Then we have to destroy it and these plans!"
"We can destroy the plans, but they must have a working model, or they wouldn't be trying to lure Superman here."
"You're right. We have to get out of here."
Clark started to lift Lois to fly them out, but stopped when he heard something in the other room. "I can't fly us out of here. We would have to go past them and they're back in the other room."
Wainwright and Eisner were startled to see Lois and Clark gone and the handcuffs in pieces on the floor. "Now how the h**l did they get out of those!" Eisner yelled.
"Take it easy, Eisner, they have to still be here. They would have had to go past us to escape." Wainwright raised the weapon. "Superman must have gotten the message by now. We don't need them anymore."
Clark was watching them with his x-ray vision and saw Wainwright aim the weapon at the office. He turned Lois so that he was between her and the door just as Wainwright fired.
Lois did a nice sweeping kick and knocked Clark off his feet. "For God's sake, Clark, you don't have to use the S on your chest for a bullseye! You can duck, you know! And by the way, my knees *do* bend."
Clark shook his head, "You have such a sexy brain."
He took her in his arms and flew her through the skylight of the warehouse. "I do know you can't fly, Lois, so wait here!" He flew from the roof in through the office door. He tied up Eisner and Wainwright at super speed and melted the disrupter.
"Thanks for the invitation, boys, but I've got a dinner date. I will call Sawyer to come and get you. The jail is serving left over haggis."
Sawyer shook Superman's hand, "Thank you, Superman..um, do you have another name?"
Clark swallowed, "My Kryptonian name is Kal-El."
"Kal-El? Kal-El," Sawyer considered. "Well, anyway, thank you..Superman. I want to present you with a medal of commendation."
"Please, Captain Sawyer, that's not necessary," Clark said, and then glanced at Lois. "But I've always wanted a pair of handcuffs."