The New Bed

By Audrey Rempel <>

Rated PG

Submitted April 15, 1998

Summary: Clark can't sleep; there's this bed spring that keeps poking him in the back. Unfortunately, since Lois mostly sleeps on *him*, she isn't very sympathetic to his problem.

The usual disclaimers apply. This is just a silly idea I had that I thought I'd try out on you FoLCs. Besides, you've got to write a fanfic if you want to win a Kerth!



'Well, okay, not ouch, exactly … ' Clark sighed as he attempted to roll over. Oops, that wouldn't work, not with Lois draped over his chest, hugging him like he was an over-stuffed pillow. She was out like a light, but would be awake in an instant if he tried to shift her from her current position. He had tried last night, and had received a thorough harangue on the subject. She just didn't understand …


"Clark! I just can't believe what I'm hearing! Are you telling me that you — Superman, the Man of Steel, all-around invulnerable, 'Mr. Bullets-won't-pierce-my-skin' — is done in by a *bed spring*???" Lois gazed down at her husband in disbelief, one hand on his chest, the other holding her upper body off the bed.

Clark squirmed a little sheepishly. "Gee, Lois, when you put it like that … "

"Well, how else should I put it?? This is a perfectly comfortable bed for me — I *like* this bed, and you, my invulnerable husband, are telling me that it's uncomfortable? Because of a bed spring? I mean, really … what, is it *hurting* you?"

"Well, not hurting exactly … it's … I guess it's just *annoying.*" Clark had tried to explain; that bed spring had been digging into his back for weeks, and while, no, it didn't … hurt … precisely, it *was* bugging him.

"Annoying?" Lois broke in abruptly. "Come on, Clark; this is ridiculous. This is a perfectly fine bed. There is no need to buy a new one. Why in the world should we spend money for a new bed? It would just be a waste!"

Lois shook her head. She still couldn't believe it. The man who swallowed a bomb the first day they met, and he was complaining about a bed spring! At midnight!! She could think of a thousand other things she'd rather be doing than discussing bed springs!

"I, for one, enjoy being in this bed." Lois looked down at her husband, her hand lightly stroking his chest. "Don't you?" she whispered huskily, slowly sliding down to rest on his chest, her face inches about his.

"No fair, Lois," Clark whispered back, seeing right through her attempt at distraction, but being quite unable, and indeed, unwilling, to do anything about it but play along.


Clark grinned at the memory of the rather pleasant distraction his wife had engineered last night. 'Ouch!' Another spring abruptly jabbed him in the middle of his lower back. The grin vanished from Clark's face. Lois was right; it didn't hurt, exactly, it just … poked him. It was annoying, like being sick enough to feel miserable, but not sick enough to just stay home and retreat from the world (not that he knew, exactly, how *that* felt, but Lois had explained it to him once, and he was pretty sure it was something like this spring trying to dig into his back).

Still, Lois liked this bed. He looked down at his sleeping wife. Well, of course, *she* was comfortable; she was barely on the bed! One arm was flung over his torso, her head was pillowed on his chest, one leg thrown over his. Less than half of her was in contact with the mattress, and there wasn't that much of her to begin with.

'Hmm, maybe that's an idea.' Clark considered their current position. 'Now, if I can just catch her other leg … ' Clark's toes snuck under Lois's far leg. 'Okay, now, her arm … ' With the arm that was already around and under Lois's back, he nudged her arm that was under the pillow to a position more around his neck. 'All right now, levitate!' Clark slowly rose from the bed, careful to keep horizontal. 'So far, so good!' Lois was staying in position, and *he* was free from that miserable little spring! Clark chuckled softly as he settled into the air, relaxing into the first decent sleep he'd had in weeks.


Lois sighed, and tried to snuggle her head deeper into Clark's chest. 'Darn,' she thought, 'morning.' Still, she grinned, her eyes still closed, mornings weren't half as bad as they used to be, now that she woke up with Clark. Although, this morning, Clark seemed to be holding on to her for dear life. His arm around her back was like a vice! Eyes still closed, Lois nudged back against that arm. 'A little give … hmm,' she thought, 'I bet if I just roll back, I'll be able to get up! Good thinking, Lane; no trap can hold you!' Lois snickered to herself quietly as she prepared her escape.


Clark sat bolt upright. 'That was *Lois* screaming! What — where's Lois?!' Clark gazed frantically around the room. It had sounded close.

"Mmphrm!" Clark looked down from his position, sitting in mid-air, three feet above the bed. There was Lois, spread-eagled on the bed, her face buried in the down pillow. She looked all right, but Clark did a quick scan just to make sure. Everything seemed fine.

"Lois, are you okay?" Clark watched as her head turned, to reveal one eye looking — no, *glaring* up at him.

"You win."

"What? I win what, Lois?"

"We're getting a new bed tomorrow!"