By Susan Schwartz <NCC17LU@aol.com>
Written May 30, 1995
Submitted October 23, 1997
Summary: A dream involving Mayson helps Lois discover the truth about Clark.
BTW, I wrote this before Whine3 and was surprised to see it was somewhat similar. Not a whole lot, but a little.
Lois couldn't remember when it started. It had been going on for weeks now. She kept having the same dream every night. It maybe had started the week after Mayson was killed. She couldn't remember, all she knew was that she was tired of it. She was afraid to mention it to anybody, especially Clark, they would think she was crazy.
It was a puzzling dream. Mayson would come to her and talk to her just like they were old friends, which they weren't. Mayson kept saying how she was happy Lois and Clark found out who killed her and how she wished she were still alive, so she could see Clark and tell him what she never got the chance to before she died. "But that's all in the past," Mayson stated, "Right now I have to get you back on the right track."
As they floated along, they saw many confusing images (mostly things that Mayson had seen and heard), after which they came to a door. "All you have to do is open it and go through and you will find the missing piece in your life, " Mayson told Lois. It was at this point every night that Lois would awaken.
I just have to find out what is behind that door! Lois thought. I wonder what it is!
Lois noticed it was almost six am. She had to get up and get to work. Later, as she drove, she pondered mentioning the dream to Clark. Maybe he could offer a suggestion.
"Lois, was something in your coffee this morning that I don't know about? Mayson didn't like you, why would she want to come back to haunt you? If anything, she should be haunting me because I let her die. I didn't get there in time to save her from the bomb," Clark grimaced.
"Clark, you're not Superman, how could you have known her car was getting ready to blow up?"
"You're right, Lois, I shouldn't blame myself, I didn't know," Clark replied. But inside he was full of turmoil, but Lois didn't know that. "Maybe you should go see that Dr. Friskin that you sent Superman to see. She helped him out a great deal, maybe she could help you."
"You do remember what happened the last time I went to see a psychiatrist, don't you?" Lois pointed out.
"Yes, but Dr. Carlin had a few problems herself. You can't blame yourself for what happened."
"I guess you're right, Clark, maybe I will go see her, after all," Lois decided.
Two days later, Lois arrived at Dr. Friskin's office. When she walked in, the receptionist greeted her and told her it would be a few minutes. Lois sat down and picked up a magazine to browse. She picked up a copy of the NATIONAL WHISPER. She had always wanted to read one, but was afraid of what Perry would do if he saw her with the "trash" as Perry so fondly called it. On the cover was a picture of Superman. They were still trying to get attention out of the story Diana Stride had started on her TOP COPY show.
Lois stared at the picture of Superman for a minute. Some idiotic person with no respect had drawn a mustache and goatee on the picture of Superman. This started her reporter's instincts going. Hmm, she thought, Clark had the exact same disguise when we were working together at The Metropolis Club. I wonder what Superman would look like if I added glasses to the picture. No, Lois, you're being silly, how could anyone as mild mannered as Clark be a superhero? Ohhh, I just have to know! So glancing around to make sure no one was watching her, she took out a pen and drew some glasses on the picture. After she looked at her handiwork, she couldn't believe her eyes. OH MY GOD! Lois thought. Could it really be????
Just then, Lois was called to see the doctor, and she quickly folded the paper and put it in her purse for future reference.
"Hello, Lois, how are you doing today?" Dr. Friskin asked.
Aside from the fact that my best friend may be Superman, Lois thought, everything is "Pretty good. Look Dr. Friskin, the reason I came is that I've been having a recurring dream and I want it to stop. It's getting to where I'm afraid to go to sleep anymore. At first, it was a challenge because it was so puzzling and confusing. Now it's just plain scary and I don't know what, if anything, somebody is trying to tell me."
"Why don't you tell me about the dream, Lois?" Dr. Friskin prodded.
"I don't really know where to start. I think it started after Mayson Drake was killed. She comes to me in my dreams and leads me through dark corridors and hallways where there are nothing but real hazy images of people and things that she knew, I assume, because I don't recognize any of them. All the while, I keep asking her what it is she is trying to tell me. She never answers me, but keeps leading me through these corridors until we happen upon a door. It's at that point that I wake up every night. Mayson keeps telling me all I have to do is open the door and find the missing piece in my life. Pretty weird, huh?"
"What do you think the door might symbolize, Lois?"
"I don't know, the future, something Mayson might have told me if she lived, maybe even the past, so I could make right something I did wrong. I just don't know."
"Are there some doors, so to speak, in your life right now that you are afraid to open? This might be a way to unearth the mystery of what is behind the door. Maybe in your subconscious mind, you're trying to make a tough decision and this is how it's working it out," Dr. Friskin explained.
"It's funny you mentioned it that way," Lois laughed, "I did slam a door in my best friend's face because I was scared of what would happen next. But seriously, I do have a decision to make and I never thought it would be this complicated. I have three gentlemen whom I'm seeing: Dan is a laid-back sort of guy, always ready to have a good time, but he is rather controlling. Clark is a gentle, caring, intelligent fellow whom I love dearly, but he runs away every time I get ready to say something of importance about our relationship. And Superman, I have loved him since the first time I saw him. He keeps pushing me towards Clark and he doesn't seem to like Dan too much.
Now I know Clark wants me to come to some sort of decision about who I'm going to be seeing. But I know Clark will wait and not force me into a decision like Dan would. But I still don't think I am ready to do that, not yet anyway. Maybe I am afraid to open that door. Maybe I want to stay on this side of the doorway where it's safe. Maybe I'll talk to Clark and see what he has to say about any of this." Lois was already thinking about the newspaper in her purse and she couldn't wait to show it to Clark and see his reaction.
"Well, Lois, that's about all the time I have today. You can make another appointment with the receptionist for next week, if you like. But I think you need to delve deep inside yourself and make what sounds like a very hard decision. And YOU are the only one who can make it. But, if you need to talk, I'll be here," Dr. Friskin offered. "But I think you already know the answer."
Lois left the office better off than when she had gone in. She still didn't know what to do, but it felt better to talk it through with someone. She wanted to approach Clark with the newspaper, but thought better of it. He would probably laugh at me and tell me I'm dreaming up something that really isn't there, Lois thought. I'm going to wait until I find out what's behind that door.
Clark was at the Planet waiting for Lois when she arrived. "How did it go at Dr. Friskin's? Did you solve your dilemma?" he asked.
"No, but I think I will tonight," Lois said. "Tell Perry I went home early." All she had to do now was work up enough courage to open that door. Lois left Clark curious as to what she was going to do.
Lois went to sleep and the dream started again. Mayson came and got her and lead her through the dark corridors once again. Lois only saw hazy images that Mayson told her were from her life. They kept going on and on until they came to the door. "Lois, go on, open it. For what it's worth, I want you to be happy. After you saved me that time in the hospital when Diana Stride was trying to kill a witness, I thought I should pay you back. Only you can open the door," Mayson explained.
Go for it, Lois, you can do it, Lois thought. Lois looked at Mayson and saw she was smiling. Lois summoned up enough courage to push the door open and walk through. Once inside she was flooded with a wall of memories:
:All the times Clark had run off and Superman had shown up and vice versa.
:In BARBARIANS AT THE PLANET, Clark telling her he loves her.
:In LUCKY LEON, Clark breaking the chains before the bomb went off.
:In the PILOT, Clark breaking the chains where they were tied to a pole.
:In THAT OLD GANG OF MINE, Clark being shot and coming back to life.
:In INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBLITY, Superman not caring about the slightest thing and Clark behaving the same way.
:In BARBARIANS AT THE PLANET, Superman not believing her when she said she would love him if he was an ordinary man.
:In VATMAN, Clark standing up to the imposter by blocking a punch.
:In TOP COPY, Superman looking out of focus as he was talking to the crowd at the press conference.
Lois then saw the newsaper she found in the doctor's office and the glasses she had drawn on it.
"Lois, I have something very special to show you," Mayson said. "This is my gift to you for trying to save me at the hospital. I wish you and Clark the best." Then she disappeared.
Lois was left standing in the doorway by herself. Suddenly, the scene of Mayson's death came to mind. It was as though she was standing beside Mayson and Clark rather than behind them. She could see Clark holding Mayson and then she saw Mayson push at the torn piece of shirt. Underneath Clark's shirt, she saw the red and yellow S and the blue suit.
Lois awoke with a start. I should have known, she thought. I guess I have known all along, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Boy, am I going to kill Clark when I see him. Damn, I can't kill him. I wonder where I can find some kryptonite. Hmmm.
She got up and dressed early, hoping to catch Clark before he went to work. She called to let him know she had something very important to speak with him about, but she never told him what it was, and would he please wait for her at his apartment. Clark agreed.
Twenty minutes later, Lois knocked at the door. Clark opened the door wearing just his pants. "Good Morning, Lois, I'll just be a minute, I have to finsh getting dressed." Clark had the radio on and just then one of his favorite songs that reminded him of Lois came on. It was Lionel Richie's "HELLO". Clark reached out to cup her cheek and looked at her tenderly. "You know, Lois, I think if I had to pick a song to dedicate to you, it would be this one. I'll be back in a minute."
Lois watched as Clark retreated into the bedroom. She sat down at the kitchen table to listen to the song.
I've been alone with you inside my mind And in my dreams, I've kissed your lips a thousand times I sometimes see you pass outside my door Hello… Is it me you're looking for??
I can see in your eyes And I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted And my arms are open wide
Tell me how to win your heart For I haven't got a clue But let me start by saying I Love You
After this line, Lois's vision began to blur. It wasn't until she felt something wet on her hand that she realized she was crying. But this was a joyful, caring cry.
I long to see the sunlight in your hair And tell you time and time again how much I care Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow Hello… I've just got to let you know
Because you know just what to say You know just what to do And I want to tell you so much I love You.
I will not be buttered up. I AM MAD, Lois thought, I AM VERY MAD AT CLARK, uh SUPERMAN, uh whoever he is.
"Lois, I'm ready to go now," Clark said just then. He had been standing in the doorway watching her reaction to the song.
Teary-eyed from the song, Lois looked at Clark. "I loved that song, Clark. Thank you."
"You're welcome, Lois. I think of you everytime I hear it," Clark replied. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"
"Clark, remember when you said I had some choices to make? Well, I have come to a decision about who I want to be with." Lois paused to see Clark's reaction. "Maybe we should sit down," Lois offered. Clark led her to the couch.
Clark knew she had come to tell him it was over and that Lois had decided to go out with Dan. So he set himself up for the worst possible news. "OK, Lois, what have you decided?" Clark ventured. May as well go for broke, he thought, and get this over with.
"Well, you know the dream I was having Clark, where Mayson was trying to tell me something. I finally figured out what it was she was telling me. And I also acquired this." She held out the NATIONAL WHISPER. "You can see my artwork and I think it speaks for itself," she finished.
Clark went white at the sight of the glasses drawn on Superman's face. He didn't know what to say, so he just looked at Lois.
"Don't say anything, your reaction just said it all, so please don't even try to tell me it's not true. I just can't believe I haven't figured it out sooner. Now I understand why you ran off all the time, but I still don't know why you couldn't tell me," Lois said calmly. She was angry, but trying hard not to show it. She had told him her biggest secrets, after all, and had kept some big secrets of his.
"Lois, it's not that I didn't want to tell you, I couldn't. I would have put you in too much danger. If people thought you could get to me, who knows what might happen to you. I just couldn't bear it if you were hurt," Clark explained and took her in his arms for a big hug. "Lois, I love you," Clark began.
"Don't try to change the subject, Clark. We are talking about trust here. And you obviously don't even trust me enough to tell me who you really are. Never mind that I told you about my romance novel, about Claude, and about breaking my 3 rules that I always live by. I never told anyone about the kryptonite, did I? Where is the respect that you owe me as a partner and a good friend??? How do you intend to explain yourself out of this one?" Lois felt her anger subsiding as she finally got all these questions off her chest. She now waited to see how he would answer.
"Lois, I have loved you for a very long time. But I wanted to make sure it was me, Clark, you loved and not the man in tights. I was going to tell you soon, but every time I wanted to, something always got in the way. I was afraid of how you would react—maybe you would just turn and walk away from me and never see me again. Maybe you would run. I just didn't know, and I didn't want to risk losing you. Please, Lois, please know that I am truly sorry for any grief I have caused you. And while I control anything that has happened in the past, I can make a new beginning for the future. A future I would like to have you in."
"Oh, Clark, I was so mad at you for lying to me, but after all that you've said, I can understand your reasoning a little better. I just don't know what to say."
"Like the song says, Lois, tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue, but let me start by saying I love you. I love you very much."
"I love you, too, Clark, " Lois said and pulled him down for a kiss. She opened her eyes and over Clark's shoulder, she saw Mayson smiling at her….or did she?