Desert Island Blues

By Nicola Baker <>

Rated G

Submitted November 2000

Summary: Stranded on a desert island by kidnappers, Jimmy and Perry make a startling discovery.


As the makeshift shelter on the edge of the beach collapsed for the fifth time, Perry White swore. Or got as close to swearing as he ever did.

"Great Shades of Elvis!!" he cried. "Will this thing never stay up?"

From a little further along the line of trees, Jimmy Olsen looked up from the pile of sticks he was fiddling with.

"I'm having no luck with the fire, either." He sighed. "You'd think if those clowns were going to kidnap us from our fishing trip, they would at least stash us somewhere with a roof, and maybe central heating."

Perry chuckled. "They're the bad guys, I don't think our comfort is their top priority." He looked at the edge of the woods. "Maybe a walk will help. We might find something useful in the woods." He strode off, Jimmy scrambling to follow, a sceptical look on his face.


A few minutes later, Jimmy glanced around, and did a double- take. "Is it just me, or does that look like a path?" he asked.

"It's not you," said Perry, "and a path has to go somewhere." He changed direction to follow the trail. As they rounded a corner and entered a clearing, Jimmy's eyes widened.

"I thought they said the island was uninhabited," he muttered in wonder.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Jimmy," replied Perry as he, too, stared at the hut in the clearing. "Shall we see if anyone's home?"

Not waiting for a reply, he moved to the hut and knocked at the door. There was no answer, so he opened it and looked in. It wasn't locked — what need, on an uninhabited island?

Inside the hut was one very neat room. It wasn't large, and there were three things in it. A pile of clothes sat on an airtight box, next to a pile of dry firewood. There was no furniture. Jimmy's first thought was that the kidnappers had provided these things so that they wouldn't get too cold, but as they moved towards the box to look inside, he realised that some of the clothes were for a woman. In fact, they looked familiar, like he had seen them somewhere before. He shrugged. He had probably seen them in the window of a shop.

While he was thinking, Perry had been opening the box. What he found was drinks. Lots of drinks, and a few imperishable foodstuffs.

"Now why would anyone have a supply of drinks on an uninhabited island?" asked Jimmy rhetorically. "Who cares?" he added, answering his own question. "At least we'll have a roof tonight."

"There's still some light left. Let's go back to the beach where we can be seen if any boats pass." The friends turned to leave the cabin. As they were pulling the door closed, Jimmy blinked.

"Why are there no matches?"


As they walked back to the beach, they were both silent. They knew that unless their kidnappers gave out demands they wouldn't be missed for another week. They were on a fishing holiday together, and Lois and Clark had strict instructions to leave them in peace unless a major disaster occurred.

Because they were silent, they heard the voices before they reached the beach. Thinking it might be their kidnappers, they crept forward as quietly as they could. At the edge of the trees, Perry stopped short in shock. Jimmy's mouth dropped open. There, on the beach in front of them were Lois and *Superman*, undressing one another.

Although Jimmy was speechless, Perry had plenty to say. He burst out of the trees and marched up to the surprised couple, shouting, "What do you think you're doing? Great shades of Elvis, you two are old enough to know better! Lois, I thought you loved Clark. And Superman, I don't know what the rules are on Krypton, but here on Earth, you *don't* kiss your best friend's wife! Well?" He paused. "Are you going to explain yourselves?"

Lois and Superman glanced at one another. They didn't look guilty, Jimmy realised, only… resigned? Superman sighed.

"I don't think we're going to get away with anything but the truth this time." He commented to Lois. She nodded, and Superman turned to Perry and Jimmy. "Just as a point of interest, *I* don't know what the rules are on Krypton, either. I haven't exactly spent a lot of time there."

Perry started to speak, but Lois cut him off. "Yes, we are going to explain, but it will probably take some time." She glanced at Superman. "Why don't you go on up to the hut and get some drinks and comfortable clothes. We'll find a place to sit on the beach."

Jimmy came out of his daze as Superman disappeared into the woods. "The hut's yours?" he asked. Perry had a calculating expression in his eyes. He slowly turned to stare after Superman, and then back at Lois.

Lois nodded. "We often come here on the spur of the moment. It's nice to have some drinks handy. Just out of curiosity, what *are* you doing here? On an uncharted, uninhabited island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, miles from Metropolis?"

Jimmy shrugged. "We were kidnapped," he stated matter-of- factly.

"I *was* wondering," said Superman from behind him, making him jump. When he turned round, he was no longer sure that it *was* Superman.

"Wow!" he said. "You look really different without the suit. I probably wouldn't recognise you if I didn't know it was you."

Lois giggled. Superman looked faintly embarrassed, and said, "Actually, you probably would, except that I wasn't expecting to need them, so I didn't bring my glasses."

"Huh?" said Jimmy, confused, "But you don't need glasses!"

Perry wasn't quite as confused. He didn't even sound terribly surprised. "Clark?" he asked.

Clark nodded. "'Fraid so, Chief."

Perry shook his head. "That explains a *lot*," he muttered.

"CK?" asked Jimmy, in a daze, "You're Superman?" Clark sighed theatrically, and shook his head.

"No, Jimmy," he said, with exaggerated patience, "I'm Clark. I always have been." He paused and winked at Lois, who rolled her eyes in response. "Superman is just something I can do."


"You said you were kidnapped. Do you know who they were?" asked Lois.

Perry answered. "No, but he seemed familiar for some reason. He stayed in the shadows a lot, but he talked. One word he seemed to use in response to almost every question. What was it?" He looked at Jimmy.

"Well, Duh!" said Jimmy, grinning impishly.

Lois and Clark looked at one another. "Tempus!" they exclaimed in unison.

"The guy who thought he was from the future?" asked Jimmy, retreating once again to confusion.

"Yes…quite," said another voice from behind the friends. Lois spun around as the small man in old-fashioned clothes stepped into view.

"Oh, hello Mr Wells," she said, very calmly. "I was wondering when you would show up."

"Who's he?" asked Perry and Jimmy together.

"I'm sorry. My name is HG Wells," said the small man, tipping his hat.

"The writer? Aren't you dead?"

"Oh, do we really have to go through all that again?" complained Lois. "Look, HG Wells and Tempus are time travellers, one good, one evil. They go around chasing each other all over time, and usually asking us for help. Can we please just go catch Tempus? It's been a long day, and I…"

"Lois. You're babbling," interrupted Clark.

HG Wells told them where Tempus was hiding, which he knew, because he'd been to the future, and Clark went to catch him. When he brought him back, HG Wells took him to Utopia, where they locked him up in a maximum security prison.


Back on the island, Lois and Clark were discussing secret identities with Perry and Jimmy. They were surprised when HG Wells reappeared, but Lois caught on fairly quickly, and told him where Tempus had been hiding, so that he could go back and tell *them*.

Clark flew everyone except Lois home, and returned to the island. Landing on the beach, he gathered his wife up in his arms and murmured softly,

"Now, where were we?"