The Terracotta Soldier

By Amanda Leach <>

Rated G

Submitted November 2000

Summary: Lois and Clark receive a surprise gift. Meanwhile, their neighbours are treated to an interesting spectacle.

Lois, Clark and Superman characters were borrowed, but the plot and their son Mark were created by me. Although it is biologically impossible, Mark is identical to his father. I hope you enjoy it.


Lois intently observed her stir-fry. She vowed that this meal would be perfect and not raw or burnt like the ones she usually tried to cook…when she could be bothered. How could her family put up with her if she did not feed them properly? Lois had no idea.

There was a knock at the door. In response she took off her apron and shouted out as she reached the front door.

"Someone take the garlic bread out of the oven in five seconds, otherwise I will ground you all for burning dinner!"

Lois wavered when she opened the door. She felt intimidated by the large wooden crate that blocked the view of the front lawn. She gasped in shock.

"Mom, I took the garlic…" The voice of her eldest son, Mark, trailed away when he saw the large object at their door. "Mom, what is that?"

"I have no idea, but I am eager to find out." Lois observed the crate thoughtfully. "And don't you use your vision gismo. We ought to investigate the hard way — a prize winning reporter like me would." She slipped through a gap between the doorframe and the crate, and stepped onto the porch. Mark followed her.

She bit her lip in frustration. "There's no label or serial number on the timber."

There was a whoosh behind them. When mother and son turned around, they were confronted by another crate.

"What on Earth—?" Lois' answer stepped out from behind the crate.

"Superman Express!" Superman replied with a mischievous grin.

Mark returned a similar expression and retreated into the house. His father placed a hand on the case as he leaned against it. Lois angrily pointed her index finger at the superhero.

"Superman, what is all this about? Dropping crates onto my lawn that will no doubt produce craters, and the National Intelligence Agency will rush over to inspect our lawn, expecting to find an Unidentified Flying Object!" This statement produced an audience of curious neighbours who had been gardening.

Superman smiled at his wife's rambling. It was obvious to all that Superman was enjoying the situation.

"You've made the situation bad enough by bringing in a second crate, both of which neither Clark nor I ordered and…" Lois' ranting drifted off. For the first time, Superman realised that they had an audience.

"And?" Superman cued her on. Lois instantly crossed her arms and fired back. "And you'd better wipe that silly grin off your face before I tell on you!"

Superman crossed his arms, stood in his famous pose and coolly replied, "I smell something burning." He raised his eyebrows. The heat of the situation came to a halt when Lois exclaimed aloud, "The stir-fry!" She struggled to get back into the house the way she had come through and eventually succeeded.

Superman smiled at the amused faces behind him as he waited for Lois to come back.

"Superman, you're lucky you can get through to that woman. Few people can," Mrs Jenson, the woman who lived across the road from the Kents, stated.

"That Mad-Dog Lane has always been full of energy." Mrs Jenson smiled. "That's what makes the marriage between Lois and Clark rock. Clark is always trying to keep up with his little fireball." A couple of other neighbours chuckled knowingly at the remark.

"She is a handful," Superman replied. Little did they know that *he* was the one keeping up with Lois.

"Knowing Lois Lane, she would be curious about those crates you brought along, Superman," Mrs Kane of two doors down spoke.

"Xuang Chou, the President of China—" The man of steel was interrupted by Lois screaming.

"Fire!" He disappeared, reappearing in the kitchen a second later and extinguished the flames on the stove. When he turned to Lois, she looked dispirited. He gave his wife a quick hug.

"Don't worry Lois. What were you planning to cook?"

"Enchiladas," Lois replied sadly.

"We'll eat the genuine thing tonight. I'll fly to Mexico and buy a family meal." Lois' face brightened and she looked her normal self.

"You don't know how lucky I am to have you, Clark!" she whispered, giving her husband a return hug and a big kiss, before letting him go.

"We'd better get outside and sort out the gifts I brought in." Clark led his wife out of the kitchen and to the front door. The crate was no longer blocking the doorway as he had moved it to hasten his rescue.

"Gifts?" Lois questioned.

"You'll find out soon enough." Superman smiled as the neighbours looked at them anxiously.

Lois was wide-eyed as she pried the carton open with a neighbour's crowbar. The Lane-Kent household never needed to store crowbars as their bare hands could do the same job. Of course, nobody knew that fact. The spectators gasped in amazement. There was a huge concrete statue inside.

"What is this?" Lois questioned of Superman. "Where is it from and how heavy is it?"

"The weight would be about 500 kilograms each. They are both duplicates of Terracotta Soldiers in China. President Xuang Chou gave them to me as gifts for my disarming of the nuclear reactor that almost went out of control in Shanghai. I tried to turn him down but he insisted that I have them. Would you and Clark like to accept them?"

"They're beautiful," Lois stated.

"The one with the spear would look good in our hallway," Mark, dressed as his father, answered in agreement as he exited the house and stood next to his mother. He had decided that the presence of both husband and wife should be applied to the witnessing public. Hesitantly, in character, he placed his arm around his mother and smiled to the man in blue. He wondered how much his mother would object to this.