Attack of the 50 ft. Lois

By John Carroll <>

Rated PG

Submitted March 2001

Summary: Lois has a very weird dream.

(Note: This takes place when Lois and Clark are married.)


Lois looked over and spotted Clark sound asleep. Still she couldn't sleep. She flicked through the channels as she stopped on the late-late movie of "Attack of the 50 ft. Woman." Her stomach growled, telling her she was hungry since she had skipped lunch and dinner, but she was too tired to do anything about it. She fell asleep and her hunger and the movie came together to make one weird dream…

"So tell me this again, Perry," Lois said. She and Perry were standing near a water cooler.

"Apparently, the higher-ups rented out that old basement that no one uses to a scientist," Perry said.

"I guess they figured they'd make some money from it," Lois said as Clark walked up to the cooler.

"What's going on?" Clark said.

"We have a scientist in the building," Lois said with a smile.

"Oh yeah, I heard that this morning," Clark said. "He's supposed to be a genius or something."

"Hopefully not an evil scientist," Lois said with a laugh.

Meanwhile, below the building in the basement, scientist Dr. Malloy toiled away with beakers and chemicals.

"I believe that this is the correct formula," he said. He turned a lever and the chemical compressed itself into a small pill. "Now to test it," Dr. Malloy said. He headed upstairs and into the newsroom. He walked up to the first person he saw- Lois Lane, hunching over a coffee table.

"Dr. Malloy!" Lois said. "How very nice to see you."

"Thank you, Lois," he responded. "Mind if I have some coffee as well?"

"Sure," Lois said. As she turned around to grab a stirrer, the doctor dropped a small black pill in her drink that dissolved instantly.

"I changed my mind," Dr. Malloy said. "I must be getting back to my work, no time for coffee. Good bye." The doctor walked off.

"Bye," Lois called after him. All day Lois felt queasy. As night fell and she and Clark were getting ready to go to sleep, Lois held her stomach in pain.

"What's wrong, Lois?" Clark asked her.

"I…I'm not sure," Lois said. "It's my stomach for some reason." Clark nodded and the two went to sleep. In the middle of the night, Lois started to shake, and suddenly she started to grow. She grew to 9 feet tall, her feet smashing through the dresser. Her enlarged body knocked Clark off the bed. He woke up after the fall.

"Lois, what's the…" Clark stopped talking as he spotted the enlarged Lois. Her huge body nearly covered the entire bed.

"What…the…hell…" Clark muttered. Lois rolled over in her sleep and fell off the other side of the bed, and when she hit the floor, the ground shook. This woke Lois up. As she went to stand up, she knocked her head on the ceiling. She still hadn't opened her eyes.

"Ow, that hurt," Lois said. Lois then realized she felt…bigger. She opened her eyes and spotted how big she had gotten. "Ahhhhh!" Lois screamed.

"Lois, calm down, we'll figure this out," Clark said, trying to stay calm himself.

"Calm down!" Lois shrieked. "Calm down! I'm 9 feet tall. I don't have to calm down!"

"Lois, calm down. I have an idea," Clark said.

"Well, what is it?" Lois wondered.

"We can go ask the scientist at the Daily Planet for help," Clark offered.

"Are you kidding?" Lois shrieked at him. "I can't go out in public like this, a 9-foot tall freak!"

"So what do you want to do, stay in the house the rest of your life?"

"Point taken. Let's go.'' Lois got down on her hands and knees to crawl through the doorway and people gasped when she came out of the house and stood at her full 9 feet tall. People just stood there gaping at her.

"Oh come on," Lois said to them. "You see Superman fly and use super-strength every day and me being 4 feet taller makes you all gasp? Give me a break!"

After a bit of walking, Clark suggested he fly them over. "Yeah, that won't look too weird," Lois said sarcastically. So they walked, and walked, and walked until they reached the Daily Planet. Once again Lois ducked and squeezed into the building and got more gasps as she entered it. "By the time this is over I'll be the best limbo player of all time." Lois said dryly.

Jimmy walked up to them. "What the hell happened to her?" Jimmy said.

"Jimmy, don't annoy me today," Lois said. "I could snap you in two like a toothpick." Jimmy gulped and then Clark spoke up.

"Don't mind her; she's under a lot of stress," Clark told him. "Do you know where Dr. Malloy is?"

"Nope, he didn't show up this morning," Jimmy said.

"Thanks, Jimmy," Clark said with a sigh. Clark and Lois looked over to the coffee table where Lois had devoured all the donuts and coffee on the table.

"Lois, why'd you do that?" Clark wondered.

"Sorry, it just seems that ever since I grow my appetite is overwhelming," she said. Suddenly, Lois began to feel queasy and went outside for air. Clark and Jimmy followed her. After breathing in a bit, she suddenly grew another 11 feet to 20 feet tall!

"Lois!" Clark called. "How do you feel?" Lois realized she had not only doubled in size but her hunger had doubled as well.

"Just really, really hungry," Lois said. She walked over to a food store, towering over it by about 5 feet. As she dodged cars, she ripped the store's roof off.

"Lois!" Clark yelled. "What are you doing?" Lois didn't answer. Instead she began to grab fresh fruits and throw them into her mouth as the people ran away in horror. "Lois, now you're stealing!" She still wouldn't answer; she just kept eating.

"I don't care," Lois said. "This hunger…it's more than normal hunger; it's painful. I have to get rid of it." Lois continued to jam the fruit into her mouth.

"It must be a side-effect of the growing," Clark said. "I have an idea, Jimmy. I'll be right back."

"Okay" was all Jimmy could say as he watched the enlarged Lois throw the fruit into her mouth. Meanwhile, Clark went into an alleyway and changed into his Superman clothes. He flew up to Lois.

"You may be big, but I'm still stronger," Superman said, adding to himself, "I hope." Superman successfully grabbed both her arms and subdued her. "Now you just have to calm down," he told her. Indeed, Lois was getting calm!

"The hunger's gone!" Lois said. "I think I ate enough to get rid of it." Superman let go of her arms as Lois put the roof back on the supermarket. However, suddenly the hunger came back in a much, much stronger wave that nearly made Lois go mad! She tried to shake free of Superman's grasp, but he was too strong. "Let me go!" Lois said. "I have to eat!" Lois tried her hardest but still couldn't shake free.

"Superman! I figured this out!" Jimmy said. "The more Lois eats, the bigger and stronger she'll get!"

"Wait, she just ate a lot," Superman said while keeping Lois subdued. "Does that mean…" Before Superman could finish asking his question, it was answered for him as Lois started to grow. She got bigger and more massive. Her entire body grew and grew until she was 50 feet tall. Superman was now holding just a tiny piece of her arm. She shook him off easily and then smacked him out of the air with such force that he hit the street hard enough to fall through it.

Lois's hunger was insane now, and she ran towards another supermarket. She ripped the roof off and this time it took her just a few seconds to devour the food. After she finished she went to find another one. Superman flew up and at her. "Lois, please calm down!" he yelled up to her.

"Must end the hunger," Lois said.

She swatted at Superman, but he managed to knock her down, making the ground shake, and subdue her again. She suddenly felt strange as the hunger lifted.

"C-C-Clark?" Lois said. "It's g-g-gone!"

"What's gone?" Superman asked her.

"The hunger!" Lois proclaimed. Superman let her go and flew away as Jimmy ran up.

"You sure did do a lot of damage, Lois," Jimmy proclaimed.

Clark then walked up. "Where were you?" Jimmy asked him.

"Um…looking for Dr. Malloy," Clark said as Jimmy nodded. Lois picked Clark up.

"I'm sorry," Lois said. Clark kissed a small spot on her cheek. Lois started to cry.

"What's wrong?" Clark asked. "It wasn't your fault what happened."

"No," Lois said between sobs. "I'm so big I can't even feel your kisses."

Suddenly, Lois began to shake. She dropped Clark as she clutched her stomach. "The hunger!" Lois yelled.

"Lois!" yelled Clark. "Lois, wake up!"

Lois sat up, normal-sized and on the couch. Lois realized it was only a dream.

"Clark?" Lois said sleepily.

"You were yelling something in your sleep," Clark said. "Something about hunger. So I started making an early breakfast."

"Um…thanks, Clark," Lois said, but that dream had really eliminated her appetite.

"No, thanks," Lois said. "I'm not hungry."