Lois's Cooking Diary

By Unknown and Supermom <mpuett@home.com>


Submitted: April 2001

Summary: Who knew recipes don't quite mean what they say? Not Lois Lane.

Author's note: This is not entirely original. I stole and adapted it from a silly email message I received from my mother. But it just looked so perfect for Lois — well, maybe it is a little over the top. But enjoy!


Dear Cooking Diary,

I've been trying so hard to learn to cook for Clark. I'm a modern and liberated woman and I know that Clark doesn't mind cooking and he's really good at it, but I think even a modern and liberated woman should be able to cook her husband something decent to eat. So here's a recap of my week's efforts:

Monday: Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday: Clark wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Clark brought a friend home for supper!

Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly, but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Clark asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Which is what led up to Clark asking me why I was rolling around in the garden?

Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday: Clark did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy!). For some reason Clark keeps counting to ten.

Sunday: Clark's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for Roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

Good night, Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Clark. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with "Chocolate Moose."