Kryptonite Condoms

By Sara Betttina <>

Rated: PG-13

Submitted: March 2001

Summary: Clark returns from New Krypton to find a little surprise waiting for him.

As always when I write, this has virtually no plot. I wrote this during the summer after Clark left for New Krypton in 1996 and it continues from that episode. Much thanks to my editors and and to Volterra for her copyright advice. The story's mine but the characters, sadly, are not.

Comments welcomed at


She was sitting in the rocking chair in her room, looking out the window at his star when she heard his voice once again. "Hello, sweetheart. I'm coming home. I'll be there tomorrow night. I love you."

She smiled, tucked the blanket more closely around her body and continued rocking.

The next evening as he flew through the night, he let his mind drift back to the

last time he saw her alone…


They let the curtains fall back across the open window as they collapsed to the floor.

He realized that the intensity of their kissing was going to force him to take a trip

through a snowstorm in Siberia because he was dangerously close to losing his 'patience.'

Just before he verbalized this thought, she spoke. "I know we agreed to wait and usually I'm all for holding out until the wedding, but do you really want to wait? I don't."

He held both of her hands in his. "Lois, are you sure?" he asked quietly but seriously.

"Clark, I am absolutely sure. We already had one wedding and we didn't get to spend that night together, so why not tonight?" He looked at her for a moment and then cupped her cheek.

"But I'll have to leave in the morning."

"All the more reason to make this night special."

With that, he scooped her up and carried her to her bedroom. What followed is such stuff as dreams are made of.


Now it was months after that fateful night. Finally he was headed home, to his Lois and their life together. He flew straight to her apartment and was shocked to find it empty. Telling himself not to panic, he found her heartbeat and listened to its calming rhythm. He was relieved; her heart sounded normal again. For a few months while he was away, he felt more than heard an odd fluttering sound echoing her heartbeat. As he flew through Metropolis once more, this time led literally and figuratively by her heart, he found himself arriving at his own apartment. He landed softly and walked through the apartment. She was asleep in his bed.

He paused, glorying in the sight of her in reality, not just in his memories. She woke then and smiled at him. He was even more beautiful than he remembered, even with her bed-head.

"Hi, honey, I'm home."

"Welcome home, sweetheart. Now come to bed," she said softly but slyly. He eagerly spun out of his black suit and flew to the bed. He reached a hand to her but instead of extending her own, she flipped back the blankets. There, nestled cozily

against her, was a beautiful baby. He had silky black hair just like his father. As

he blinked sleepily, the bright blueness of his eyes was visible. He yawned a tiny

yawn and laid his little head back down against his mother.

Clark simply stared. "What? Why? When? How?" he sputtered.

"You know how," she teased gently. He blushed, remembering. "And I don't know why. When? Your last night here," she continued. "What? It's a baby. Your baby. Our son." She lifted the infant and placed him in his father's arms for the first time.

"When was he born?" the proud father asked, cradling the child he'd known for less than five minutes and already loved.

"He was born three weeks ago, in Smallville."

He looked at her, surprised. "He was born in Smallville?"

"Yes. As soon as I realized as I was pregnant, I called your mom. She invited me

to come out there to stay for awhile. I said I'd come later, when I was showing.

When I was showing a few weeks later, we talked again, and she insisted that I come

right away. I was even doing some surprisingly super things."

He looked worried at this confession but she smiled gently and pushed them onto his bed. He laid their son on the bed between them and wrapped his arms around her. She continued her story. "They were used to seeing you float around, so seeing me a few feet off the ground wasn't that big of a shock. Martha already knew about midwifery and otherwise we just winged it. Obviously none of us had ever

personally experienced childbirth before but we managed pretty well, I think," She smiled at her baby.

"Since everyone thinks you were born at home, no one questioned our arrangement."

He stopped her then. "So he's healthy? And normal? His Kryptonian genes didn't cause any problems? Just your floating? He's okay?"

"He's perfectly healthy. He's perfect! Just look at him," Lois switched to motherly

cooing. "He's da mos' perfect 'ittle baby on earth." She switched off the cooing. "Or on any other planet, for that matter. She grinned at Clark and poked him in the chest.

"And by the way, we are married now." She pointed to the wall. "Martha framed the certificate. I remembered signing the license — it wasn't the CloneLois — so Perry

verified it. I think he wanted the baby to be legitimate and with you gone, he wanted it to have a legal link to you and your parents. Our baby was born in wedlock; we just weren't living in wedlock."

He smiled and kissed her for the first time in many months. As much as he hadn't wanted to admit it, a child out outside the marriage bond was a shock to his

conservative nature.

They moved closer on the bed, but a small warm body between them squirmed. "Well, that's never happened before. "

"What, us getting interrupted? That used to be a daily occurrence!" She laughed, ironically.

"No, honey," he gently corrected her. "Our son interrupting us … um, does he have

a name?"

"No, I was hoping you'd be home for that decision. I just call him Clarkie, which amuses your parents. They think it's hysterical that I named my teddybear after you and our son after my teddybear."

Clark melted at that and kissed her again. She responded enthusiastically. At that, Clarkie floated up from their bed and over to his small cradle. "Does he do that often?!?" Clark burst out after Lois watched the infant calmly.

"In Smallville, he slept with me at night and in his cradle during the day. Here, he's

been floating out of the cradle at night and sleeping on top of me. I figured if he likes

snuggling with me, why not?"

"Then where will I snuggle?" Clark pretended to pout.

"Right here," she answered, opening her arms for him. They kissed and she began to

tug at his shirt.

"Are you sure?" he asked, trying to control his already rapid breathing.

"Clark!" she almost yelled at him. "It's been a long time! We're married!! Yes, I'm sure!!!"

"But you just had a baby — I don't want to hurt you. And if you got pregnant the *one* other time we did, how do we prevent that every time?!?"

"I'm perfectly healed. We have some Kryptonite condoms in the drawer. Now shut up and kiss me!"

He complied. He was going to be a perfect husband — he always did exactly what he was told. Especially in the bedroom!