Phonecalls From the Edge

By nerdgirl <>

Rating: PG13

Submitted: August 2001

Summary: Even when Lois and Clark take the day off, their answering machine doesn't. Today was no different, as the married reporters have an interesting set of messages waiting for them when they arrive back home.

Clark Kent/Superman, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Perry White are all owned and copyrighted by DC Comics. They are used without their permission. All other characters are of my creation, and anyone is free to use them! :)


It was a beautiful spring evening on a Sunday in Metropolis. Throughout the day, it had been unusually quiet, and that was a very good thing for Clark Kent and his wife, Lois Lane. The two star reporters for The Daily Planet had the day off, and luckily Superman didn't have to make any emergency appearances in Metropolis or anywhere else.

This gave the married pair an opportunity to visit his parents in Smallville. Earlier that day, they left via the "Superman Express". They had a lovely time in Kansas. They got a chance to enjoy a truly home-cooked meal, which was rare in their hectic lifestyle. They also spent some time in downtown Smallville, visiting the type of family-owned shops that hardly existed back in the big city. But, all good things had to come to an end, and they had to return home.

As the sun set in the sky above, the couple landed in an alley near their 348 Hyperion Avenue brownstone. Making sure that nobody other than Lois was looking, Superman quickly changed back into Clark Kent, and the duo walked around the block to their front steps. Once inside the front door, they placed their bags and belongings on a chair nearby. Now unpacked, they walked into their living room.

"Well, did you have a good time, sweetie?" Clark asked Lois as he seated himself on the couch.

"I had a wonderful time, honey!" Lois answered as she nestled in beside him. "I always have a wonderful time when I'm around you!"

"And I have a wonderful time every time I'm with you, too!" Clark returned as he inched closer to his lovely wife. "I couldn't even imagine life without being near you!"

"Me neither!" she said as his lips finally touched hers. They shared a short, passionate kiss. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the little red light on the answering machine on a nearby desk blinking. "I'm going to see who called," she told Clark. She rose and walked to the device, pressing the play button to retrieve what messages were recorded earlier. In less than a minute, the machine presented her with her husband's pleasant voice in the greeting.

<"Hello! You have reached the residence of Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Please leave your name, phone number, and message, and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible. Have a nice day!">


A series of messages followed. Both listened contently.

<"Hey, CK, Lois, it's me, Jimmy! Guess what? I got this cool T- shirt in the mail from my Aunt Helen yesterday! She's the one that lives in Hackensack, New Jersey! She just got back from Central City, and she met the Flash! Is that cool or what? While she was there, she got me this cool T-shirt. It's all red with a white circle and a bolt of lightning in the middle, just like the Flash's suit! It fits perfectly, and I'm wearing it right now! I have off today, too, so I'm driving down to Hackensack to see my Aunt Helen! I'll see ya tomorrow! Bye!">


<"Uh, hi guys! It's me again, Jimmy! Um… I got a little problem here! You see, my car kinda broke down in the middle of a country road. It started sounding funny and smoking and stuff, so I pulled over to the side and it clunked out on me! I'd call a tow truck, but I don't… um, have enough money. I was kinda in a rush and I thought I grabbed a fifty, but I must have grabbed a one instead! Good thing I packed a lunch! I'm on my cell phone, so I'll wait here until you call me back. Can you pick me up? I'm on South 343, and I think I'm somewhere near Reevesville. Can you take me back home so I can get the money for a tow truck? Thank you! Bye!">


<"Hey Carla! This is Peter! Did you see that two-timing girlfriend of mine? Is Tiffany at your cousin's again? If she is, I'm gonna wring her little…uh, wait! I think I have the wrong number! Sorry! Bye!">


<"Hey guys, it's me again! Hey, where the heck are you? I've been here for over an hour! You guys are gonna take me home, aren't you? Come on! Why aren't you calling me back? Wait, I think I got it! You're mad at me, aren't you? It's about the ice cream, isn't it, Lois? OK, I admit it—I ate the rest of your rocky road! I'm sorry, Lois! I really am! Hey, I'll get you another tub! I promise! Oh, and CK, I ate up the rest of your Jello and peanut butter, too! I'm sorry! I was just hungry that night! I'll make you some more Jello, and I'll buy you some more peanut butter! I promise! OK, now can you come and get me? It's getting really warm, and I burn easily! Please! I'll still be here! Bye!">


<"Hello Mr. Kent and Ms. Lane! My name is Molly Pinewood, and I am calling on behalf of Bryne Insurance. I'm here to offer you great rates on life insurance. As you may or may not know, Byrne offers the lowest rates in all of New Troy. I see that you are both non- smokers in your early to mid-30s. Sir, you can get a $100,000 policy for as low as $18 a month, and ma'am, you can get the same coverage for only $15 a month. However, since you are married, you may prefer to get both of you covered in a single $250,000 policy, which would only cost $35 a month. No medical exam is required, and benefits last until age 80. I'll call you back with more details later! Have a great day! Good- bye!">


<"CK, Lois, it's me again, and I really need your help this time! I'm using my phone card and I'm on a pay phone somewhere in Larson State Park. I tried to call my mom, but she wasn't home. I also tried to call my Aunt Helen, but she wasn't there, either! Then my cell phone went out, so I took my lunch and went around looking for a pay phone. I had to walk about a mile or two down to Larson Park, and then I had to go in and find a phone. I'm near Pavillion A. I'll stick around and eat my lunch here! The number on this phone is 555-8391. Please call back! Please! I'll see ya! Bye!">


<"Hey guys! I'm having a really bad day here, and I really, really need your help this time! You see, after I hung up the last time, I went to eat my lunch. Then, out of nowhere, this bear came up behind me! I felt him breathing down the back of my neck, and then I heard him growl. I quick grabbed my lunch and ran down this dirt path, but he followed me. He almost bit me, so I threw him my lunch! He tried to bite me again, but he batted at me with his paw and tore off my flannel! I ran as fast as I could while he ate, and I got away, and then I tripped over this big branch! I heard this hissing, and beside me was this raccoon! He was foaming at the mouth! He must of had rabies or something! I quickly got up and ran away! I then tried to find the phone, but I got lost and couldn't find it! I kept looking, and I found this one. It's near Pavillion H, and its number is 555-7887. I'll be here if you want to call, well, at least I hope you do! I'm hungry and I'm lost! Please help me! Bye!">


<"Hello! This is Molly Pinewood of Byrne Insurance calling you back. I see you're still not home yet, so I'll call you back a little later today! Good-bye and have a pleasant afternoon!">


<"Uh, guys! I'm really in a jam this time! Um… I don't know how to say this, but…um…my zipper's kinda stuck! Um, nature called, and I had to pee really bad! The bathrooms here were locked, so I had to find a spot in the woods. Well, after I got done, I tried to pull my zipper back up, but it wouldn't move! I tried again and again, and it still wouldn't go up, and my shirt's not long enough to stretch down that far! I tried to run back to the phone, but I must have taken a wrong turn! I ran into all of these people, and they screamed at me! You gotta help me! I'm running out of time on my card and I'm exposed! You gotta come real quick…"

"Hey you! Hold it right there!"

"Uh, hi officer, sir! Um, I can explain this! I went to…"

"Gah! Cut it out, you pervert! So you're the fresh creep who's been showing his private package around here! What are you suppose to be, the Flasher?! I got complaints about you from both the Nissley family at Pavllion G and two elderly ladies on a bench up the way! I don't know what you're up to, but it's gonna stop right here, shorty! I'm taking you downtown!"

"But officer…!"

"But nothing! You're coming with me, young man!"

"Uh, guys, I gotta go! I'll call you back!">


<"Hi guys! It's me again! I'm calling from the Reevesville Jail. Hey, I got some good news! I finally got my zipper back up! But, I got some bad news, too! I got arrested for indecent exposure, and I'm being held for $5000 bond. I told the cops it was an accident, but they didn't believe me! I was wondering if you could come and bail me out. This place is creepy! I'm in this cell with some big, ugly bald guy with tattoos all over him! I think he robbed a bank and beat up some people or something! He's freaking me out! I promise I can pay you back! I can give you my whole refund check when it comes, unless I get audited again like I did last year! I really will pay you back over time, and I'll get that other stuff I promised you too! Well, I gotta hang up soon, but please get me outta here! I'll be really grateful! Bye!">


<"Hello, Clark, Lois! This is Perry! I hope you two are having a good time right now! Well, anyway, once you two get back, I'd like you to come in, if it's all right, of course! I need someone to cover a story breaking near Reevesville. It seems that someone, who everyone's calling 'the Flasher', is having his jollies down in Larson State Park. I wanted to hand the story to Jimmy and let him spread his wings a little, but I can't get a hold of the blasted kid! If either or even both of you can do this, I'd really appreciate it! I'll be in my office until about 9, so if you get in before then, just give me a holler! I'll talk to you later! Bye!>


Lois and Clark looked at each other, both trying to keep a straight face. Both failed and wound up laughing and nodding their heads.

Clark got his composure together first. "So, I think we should call Perry right away!" he suggested.

"I think so too!" Lois laughed. She got on the phone and dialed up their boss' number. They played the tape for him, and he got a good laugh out of it, too!

Later on, the trio drove down to the Reevesville Jail. Perry bailed Jimmy out, under the condition that he would write a public apology in the next edition of the Planet. After signing some documents, the quartet went outside to Lois' jeep.

Jimmy stayed quiet during the trip to Clark and Lois' place. He was too ashamed to say anything.

"Ah, come on, Jim! Lighten up! We all make mistakes!" Clark tried to cheer up his friend.

"Even the King had his share of bloopers!" Perry added. He didn't get to continue, for Lois just parked in front of her place.

"I bet you're hungry, Jim!" Clark put his arm around Jimmy as they went up the steps toward the front door.

"We'll get some pizzas. We'll get them any way you like!" Lois said.

"OK!" the embarrassed young man replied.

The four went inside, and they enjoyed the pizza they ordered and watched TV, having a good time before worrying about the legal troubles they had to face the next day. The day ended as pleasant as it began.