A Question of Trust
By Raconteur (raconteur27@yahoo.com)
Rated: PG - 13
Submitted: July 2001


This story takes place between seasons one and two. I wrote 
this because I felt that in the show, everything went back to 
normal far too smoothly after 'House of Luthor.' This story is 
an examination of what might have happened if all the pieces 
hadn't been put back together quite as neatly in the interim 
between the end of the first season and the beginning of the 
second. I admit that part of this story was inspired by the X 
Files episode 'Detour.' Usual disclaimers apply. Thanks to my 
beta readers, Marnie and Anita and to all the readers on Zoom's 
board, who encouraged me to finish this. Any and all comments 
welcome.

_________________

"My life is an open book, Lois."

"Go ahead, get in bed with the devil."

"Unless it's lined with lead, don't bother."

"Lex Luthor, you're under arrest."

"I lied, I'm not in love with you..."

"My life is an open book."

"an open book."

"...an open book."

"The devil, Lois."

"Get in bed with the devil..."

"...an open book."

"I'm not in love with you."

"Lined with lead."

"I'm not in love with you."

"...don't bother."

"I'm not in love with you."

"I'm not in love with you!"

"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Make it stop!" It took a moment 
for it to register that the sound that had awoken her was her 
own screaming. She shuddered as she exhaled. A thin film of 
perspiration clung to her skin and her heart beat wildly in her 
breast. She sniffed as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She 
brushed it away but it was soon replaced by another and 
another. She rubbed at her bleary eyes as she tried to choke 
back the sob. Her lip quivered and her thin frame shook as she 
wept silently. She curled up in a tight ball and continued to 
cry. She cried until there were no tears left to cry, until her 
body was too tired to exert the effort that crying required. 
Until she was numb everywhere.

********

"Clark, honey, supper's ready."

He put down the wrench and wiped the grease off his hands with 
an old rag. The transmission would have to wait until later. He 
trotted out of the barn and toward the house.

"Hurry up, Clark, your food will get..."

Clark blitzed past his mother in a blur and returned a few 
seconds later, scrubbed clean.

"...cold." Martha shook her head as she sat down next to the 
two men in her life as they began to eat dinner.

"What were you working on out in the barn?" Jonathan asked, 
breaking the long silence.

Clark quickly chewed and swallowed his bite of pot roast. "The 
transmission on the old tractor."

"I thought you fixed that last week," Jonathan replied 
noncommittally.

"It wasn't shifting right," Clark mumbled. "The gears were 
sticking between second and third."

"Oh," his father replied. They continued to eat quietly.

"How's Lois doing, Clark?" Martha asked, broaching a topic that 
Clark had been studiously avoiding for a while now.

"I haven't heard from her in a while."

"She's been through a lot, honey. She could use a friend."

"But she doesn't want that friend to be me, Mom. I thought 
things could go back to normal, but all we did was fight."

"Well, you're going to have to deal with it, the Planet reopens 
next week."

"We'll be able to work together, Mom. Lois and I are 
professionals. I just don't know if we'll ever be able to be 
friends again," he said with quiet, pained resignation. He 
cleared the dishes and brought the pie out of the oven where it 
had been warming. He took each of his parents' plates and set a 
slice of his mother's famous pecan pie on it. He took his own 
piece and picked at it with his fork. He swallowed the last of 
his buttermilk but it didn't make him feel any better. What had 
changed since that time in his life when a slice of Mom's pie 
and a glass of buttermilk could solve everything? What was 
different? Why was it that this new, Lois-shaped hole in his 
soul couldn't be healed like any of the other wounds of life? 
Why didn't the pain lessen with time?

'Count your blessings, man,' he reminded himself glumly. 'She's 
not married to Luthor, is she?' The 'it could always be worse' 
outlook was doing nothing to make him feel better. On the 
contrary, it was making him feel worse. It reminded him of that 
lonely, painful night when he'd watched her accept that 
monster's proposal. That night he spent wrapped up in his cape, 
shouting and crying in the Arctic Circle where no one would 
hear him or see him, or watch as his heart broke. He'd cried 
that night for the first time in years.

He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He 
could feel the pain of the gaping wound, of the total 
emptiness, the loneliness and the rejection, and the knowledge 
that the woman he loved more than anything in the world 
couldn't love him, could never love him. She'd pledged herself 
to his only enemy, to the most evil man he'd ever known. How 
could she be so blind? How could she love Luthor, or his alter 
ego, for that matter? How could she not see how much *he* loved 
her? How good they'd be together? He'd thought about Luthor 
telling her that he loved her, holding her in his arms, smiling 
that evil, possessive smile of his. It was like being kicked in 
the stomach. He was helpless, on his knees, gasping for air. He 
felt sick and cold inside. He'd wanted to die.

Afterward, he'd been so relieved that the wedding had been 
stopped, that she hadn't married Luthor, that she had found out 
before it was too late that the man she was going to marry was 
a demonic criminal. She'd been humiliated, and he ached for 
her, but he wasn't sorry that the marriage had been prevented. 
If nothing else, Lois had been protected from the pain and 
danger that no doubt would have come from a marriage to that 
heartless pit viper. He would have died to protect her from 
that.

That she was safe should have been enough for him. 'But she 
isn't happy,' he reminded himself. She still cried at night, 
which he knew because his nightly patrols usually began and 
ended with a stop over her apartment. To make matters worse, 
even if that seemed impossible, she wanted nothing to do with 
Superman or Clark. 'Lois, why couldn't you talk to me? Why 
couldn't you let me be there for you?' he wondered, not for the 
first time. Her cool and distant attitude toward him was like 
another vicious twist of the blade buried deep in his side.

He sighed heavily. "Excuse me," he said quietly as he started 
to clear his plate.

********

As Clark flew off for Metropolis, Jonathan placed his arm 
around his wife and they watched him disappear into the night's 
sky. "It's about time he went back," Martha said.

"You know he's been breaking things around here just to have 
something to fix?" Jonathan asked.

Martha nodded knowingly.

"You think he'll patch things up with Lois?"

"I hope so," she said. "He isn't happy without her in his 
life." She shook her head sadly. These last few months had been 
so difficult for both of them, especially Lois. That she 
wouldn't look to Clark for support was tearing her boy up. But 
it was their battle; they would have to figure it out 
themselves.

********

He stepped off the elevator and into the newly remodeled 
bullpen of the Daily Planet City Room. He walked down the ramp 
with long strides, toward the new desk with a new computer, and 
new chair, bearing a gleaming nameplate with his name on it.

"So, uh, where've you been?"

His head snapped up at the sound of her voice. Had he been gone 
from Metropolis so long that he'd forgotten the sound of her 
heartbeat? So long that he could no longer sense her in a 
crowd? He turned around, and inhaled sharply. She was even more 
beautiful than he remembered. More beautiful than she was in 
the dreams he had on those long, lonely nights since he'd left.

He remembered their last fight. It had been stupid and 
insignificant and trivial. And he'd seen the hurt in her eyes 
and he'd known that he'd put it there. That was it. He had to 
leave. He couldn't stay and keep hurting her. They just needed 
time apart, that was all. She needed to heal and she obviously 
couldn't do that with him around. 'Say something, idiot!' his 
mind yelled at him. "Hi, Lois," was all he managed to stammer 
out.

"So?" she asked impatiently.

"Huh?" He gave her a puzzled look. Oh, right, where he'd been. 
"Still in Kansas, I just got back late last night."

"How are your parents?"

"Oh, they're fine," he replied lamely. "So, how have you been?"

"Fine," she replied crisply. "Just fine."

He'd always thought she was a better liar than that. Maybe she 
was just too tired, or maybe she didn't care that he knew she 
was lying.

"Perry wants us to cover the mayor's press conference. He's 
apparently going to deny the allegation that he's been hitting 
on his staffers. Get your stuff, let's go." Without waiting for 
him, she turned and headed toward the elevators. He sighed and 
jogged after her. He missed his best friend.

********

The fluorescent office lights hummed overhead-- the only sound 
in an otherwise quiet newsroom. With a quick flick of her wrist 
she sliced through the top of the envelope with the letter 
opener. She pulled out the papers and gave them a cursory 
glance. She scanned the pages before dropping them onto a pile 
of papers on her desk. She picked up a thick manila folder 
next, most likely the research she'd asked for regarding the 
allegations against the mayor. It was early in the day, very 
few people were in yet, and Jimmy certainly wasn't, which meant 
that he'd compiled this last night. She was surprised at how 
efficient he'd been lately. Well, perhaps losing his job twice 
only a few months ago had been the impetus for this work- 
related enthusiasm.

"Ms. Lane?" she looked up at the sound of her name being 
spoken. A young man with a neat hair cut and altogether 
fastidious appearance stood in front of her, his back ramrod 
straight, his expression serious.

"Yes?" she responded cautiously. "What can I do for you?"

"Ms. Lane, I need your help. Superman is in danger."

She felt her jaw drop. Her eyes darted around the room. "What 
do you mean, 'Superman's in danger'?" she hissed quietly. The 
room was almost empty, but she didn't want to take any chances. 
"Come with me," she said irritably. She turned and headed 
toward the conference room, the young man followed, his 
footsteps, evenly timed, falling loudly in the otherwise quiet 
bullpen.

She closed the door behind them. "Who are you, and what kind of 
danger is Superman in?"

"My name is Captain Andrew Wintner, United States Army, Bureau 
39, Ms. Lane." He handed her his military ID. "And it's my 
superiors who want Superman dead."

"Bureau 39!" she exclaimed. She shook her head, "but Trask is 
dead."

"And someone has taken his place, ma'am."

She scrutinized the identification card she held in her hand. 
She had seen military IDs before and it looked completely 
legitimate, but of course, it didn't include any information 
about what his particular military assignment was. "You work 
for Bureau 39?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"So why should I trust a word you say?"

He sighed. "I know that the Bureau has caused you a lot of 
personal grief, Ms. Lane, and you have every reason to be 
suspicious of me and my motives, but I felt that I needed to 
bring this to your attention anyway. Six months ago, Superman 
landed a DC 10 that was in trouble just outside Baltimore. The 
plane would have crashed if it hadn't been for him."

"Superman does that sort of thing fairly regularly, Captain, 
that hasn't stopped Bureau 39 from trying to kill him before," 
she said coldly.

"My wife and my little baby girl were on that plane. Superman 
saved their lives." He spoke quietly and for the first time, 
his stoical mask began to crack. He looked at her plaintively. 
Taking out his wallet, he removed a picture, and handed it to 
Lois. She looked down at the pretty blonde and the towheaded 
infant.

"I'm not going to make excuses for my association with the 
Bureau by claiming that I was just following orders, an officer 
is bound to honor above even his commitment to follow orders. I 
just hope that you know that I'm completely sincere when I say 
that I owe Superman everything. I wouldn't be able to live with 
myself if I let Sharp kill him."

Lois handed the Captain back the photograph and his 
identification. "How exactly does this guy Sharp plan on 
killing Superman?" she asked.

"Ms. Lane, you named Kryptonite, surely you know what it is?"

She swallowed hard. "It actually exists?"

"Of course it does, and Superman's lucky to have escaped Trask. 
He might not be as lucky with Sharp. Trask was insane; he was 
sloppy, careless, and monomaniacal. Sharp won't make the same 
mistakes; he won't need more than one opportunity to kill 
Superman."

"And he has Kryptonite?" Lois could feel her heart pound 
against her rib cage in a rapid staccato rhythm. The mere 
possibility that some whack job out there had the ability to 
kill Superman sent her into a near panic.

"Not yet. But he thinks he knows where to find it."

"Where?" She chewed her lip, composing herself and trying to 
think through the situation rationally.

"Smoky Hill River Valley, Kansas. Scientists with the US 
Geological Survey have noticed an unknown radioactive material 
in the wildlife preserve of the state park and they called in 
the US Army Corps of Engineers and the EPA. Bureau 39 learned 
of the incident and Brigadier General Sharp decided to 
investigate it personally. The traces they've been able to 
locate are a perfect elemental match for the Kryptonite sample 
Trask had. Sharp is certain there's more out there. He's 
sending in a field team to find it. If he does, nothing will 
stop him from using it against Superman. I know you're a friend 
of his, I trust you'll give him the message."

"Of course." Lois didn't know whether a word Wintner was saying 
was true or not, but she knew that she should immediately tell 
Superman what she'd heard. He'd probably know what to do.

"I want to help Superman, after all he's done for me, but 
please don't print any of this. Don't tell anyone I came to 
talk to you. The people I work for would do far worse than kill 
me if they knew that I'd told you this."

"Other than Superman, Capt. Wintner, I won't tell a soul."

"Thank you, Ms. Lane. If I hear anything else, I'll contact 
you, but please, don't try to track me down."

"All right," Lois agreed. Capt. Wintner marched out of the 
conference room and across the newsroom toward the stairwell, 
brushing past Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy gave the man a curious second 
glance but Wintner failed to notice. Jimmy bounded toward 
Lois's desk and intercepted her on her way out of the 
conference room.

"What's up with GI Joe, Lois?" he asked.

"I don't know, Jimmy." She shook her head almost absently. 
"Have you seen Clark? I need him to get a hold of Superman."

"Haven't seen him," Jimmy replied. "But Superman's putting out 
an oil fire on an off shore rig near Norway." He gestured 
toward the TV banks and the LNN coverage of the fire.

********

Clark whistled cheerfully as he stepped out of the elevator. 
Considering how long it had taken him to get the oil out of his 
suit and his hair, he was in a particularly good mood. He'd 
managed to avert an ecological disaster, and after giving the 
rig operators a stern talking to about safe procedures, he'd 
taken off to write up a quick report with some choice Superman 
quotes for Perry.

He was late, and the Planet had been back in business for all 
of two days, but he was pretty sure the Chief wouldn't mind. 
Perry was usually satisfied with his stories and didn't ask too 
many questions about why one half of his star reporting team 
was chronically absent. So long as the stories came in and 
circulation remained high, it didn't really matter what hours 
Clark kept. Lois, on the other hand, wasn't always so easy to 
placate. He fixed two cups of coffee as per usual and carried 
the steaming mugs to her desk. She was sitting in front of her 
computer and if she noticed his approach, she did nothing to 
acknowledge the fact. He placed her cup on a free space on her 
desk, already covered with the apparent research and evidence 
that pointed to a big story.

"Thanks," she said without averting her eyes from the monitor.

"So what's up?" he asked. He leaned over to look at what she 
was working on, but she quickly minimized the window.

"Clark, I need to talk to Superman. It's urgent." The 
desperation in her voice was evident.

"If I see him, I'll let him know," Clark replied, a little 
nonplussed. He wasn't quite sure what Lois's feelings toward 
the Man of Steel were anymore. After Superman rebuffed her 
romantic overtures a few months ago, things had become 
complicated. Then of course, there was his own messy situation 
with Lois, but that was another matter. Her tone, however, was 
deadly serious. Whatever it was, it wasn't a trivial matter. 
"So what are you working on?" he asked.

"Clark, I really can't talk about it. I just... I need to speak 
to Superman first."

'I'm right here, Lois!' he thought, frustrated. "Okay." He 
shrugged his shoulders and conceded defeat before graciously 
moving on to his own desk and leaving her to whatever was on 
her mind. He LANed Perry his story before opening up his file 
on voter apathy and the upcoming state elections. The political 
scene at the moment was saturated by the Mayor's scandal and he 
wasn't up for reelection this year. The story on the Mayor had 
pushed the public to its tolerance threshold on political news 
and no one seemed too interested in any of the candidates or 
the issues on the ballot.

He tried to focus on his work, but every few minutes he would 
find himself gazing over at Lois. She wore a perpetual frown as 
she glared at her monitor. She would occasionally write 
something down on a notepad. Her tense posture and the way she 
bit her lip were dead giveaways to Clark: she was really 
worried about something.

He'd hoped that she'd be willing to talk to him about whatever 
it was, but that clearly wasn't the case. He sighed. There were 
barriers between them now, barriers that hadn't existed before. 
There were subjects that were off limits, things they didn't 
talk about, things she wouldn't talk to him about. At first, it 
had seemed as though she wanted--dare he dream- -needed him 
around, but that quickly changed. She soon returned to life as 
usual, as though the whole Luthor debacle had never occurred. 
She was Mad Dog Lane, she needed no one, and she seemed 
determined to prove it.

He watched as she shoved several things in her attach, case 
before slinging it over her shoulder and heading for the 
elevator. He glanced down at his watch. It was past one. He 
figured she was going to get something to eat. Now would be as 
good a time as any to have Superman meet her. He got up from 
his desk and headed for the stairwell.

********

A familiar sound overhead caused Lois to turn her eyes upward. 
She watched as Superman's imposing figure floated down into 
view. Their last conversation had left the bitterest of tastes 
in her mouth and still, she felt the involuntary flip flop of 
her heart in her chest. Her mouth was suddenly dry. God, why 
couldn't she stop acting like such a love struck teenager 
around him? It was downright ridiculous. Besides, he'd made it 
abundantly clear that he could never feel for her anything 
remotely similar to what she professed to feel for him. And 
with his cruel comments, he'd proved that he may have been 
Superman, but he was still a man nonetheless.

"Lois, you wanted to see me?" he asked. His expression gave 
nothing away. As long as she'd known him, she still couldn't 
read him. She began to wonder whether she really knew him at 
all. None of that mattered though, he'd done so many good 
things for the world, and even if he could never be any more 
than a casual friend to her, he was in danger and she owed it 
to him to do everything she could to help him. She was honor-
bound, but more than just feeling obligated to help, she knew 
that she desperately wanted to make sure that he wasn't hurt. 
It was almost laughable to think about watching the Man of 
Steel's back, but if there was something she could do to 
protect him, she would.

"Superman," she said with a grave tone of voice. She looked 
around and could see that they'd drawn the attention of 
passers-by and casual observers, who'd slowed down to take a 
moment to stare at the resident superhero and the woman with 
whom he was speaking. "I was hoping we could go somewhere less 
public to talk about this," she said quietly.

He gave her a confused look. "Uh, sure," he replied. He moved 
toward her hesitantly. Apparently she wasn't the only one who 
felt completely awkward. He finally wrapped one arm around her 
waist, holding her against his side, instead of cradled against 
his chest, the way he used to when he flew with her. He floated 
them off the ground and up to the roof of the Daily Planet 
building.

He touched down gently. "Clark said that you seemed upset, 
what's wrong?" he asked.

"Bureau 39 has been reorganized," she began. "It's being led by 
a General named Sharp who thinks he's found Kryptonite. Is it 
real, Kryptonite?"

He nodded grimly. "If I'm exposed to it, I lose my powers, I 
think a long enough exposure would kill me," he confirmed.

Lois visibly blanched at his blunt statement. "Sharp is sending 
a team to some state park in Kansas, that's where they think it 
is."

"Have you told Clark or Mr. White about this?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I only found out today. Some Army Captain 
who worked for Trask came in and told me about it this morning. 
He asked me not to say anything to anyone else."

"One of Trask's men told you this? Do you think it's wise to 
believe him?"

"I don't think it's wise to just ignore the warning, especially 
since you just said that this Kryptonite is real and that it 
can kill you," she countered.

"Well, thank you for the warning, Lois, I appreciate it."

"Wait a minute!" she demanded angrily. "Is that it, you expect 
me to just drop this?"

"Well, yes," he replied with a slight shrug. "Lois, it's 
dangerous, you know that. Trask and the people he worked with 
were not above murder, I don't want you jeopardizing yourself 
over this."

"You make it sound like it's no big deal. How exactly are you 
going to take care of this alone? If Bureau 39 really has the 
only thing that can kill you and they intend to use it, how 
exactly are you planning on stopping them?"

"Lois, I appreciate your concern..." he began.

"Don't patronize me," she snapped angrily. "This situation is 
just as dangerous for you as it would be for anyone else, more 
so considering how badly these people want to kill you. You 
could use my help, you know that. You can't very well go after 
these guys yourself."

"What are you suggesting?" he asked.

"I'll go undercover and try to track them down. It can't be 
that hard to find an entire geological research team. If 
Wintner is right about the government has reactivating Bureau 
39 and that it's still trying to kill you, the public won't 
stand for it."

"And what if they've found the Kryptonite?" he asked.

"If there's anyway I can help you keep its existence secret, I 
will," she said.

"You'd be willing to cover up something that newsworthy?" he 
asked.

She opened her mouth but couldn't think of what to say. "It 
hurts to know that you think so little of me," she said at 
last. "That you'd think that I would sell you out like that for 
a story. No matter how newsworthy this is, I wouldn't do 
something that would put you in danger. I'd hoped that you'd 
know that."

"Lois, I'm sorry," he said softly. "And you're right. I trust 
you and your judgment, I'm sorry if it sounded like I didn't. 
I'm very lucky to have a friend like you who would be willing 
to go to such great lengths for me, but I don't want you to put 
yourself in harm's way for me, I can't ask that of you."

"But what choice do we have?" she asked.

He shifted uncomfortably. "At least take Clark with you. I'd 
feel better knowing that you weren't doing this alone."

She stiffened slightly at the suggestion. "Fair enough," she 
agreed.

"Talk to Clark and Mr. White, then we'll figure out together 
what to do."

She nodded and turned toward the door to the stairwell.

"And Lois," he called out after her. She turned back toward 
him. "Thank you."

She smiled briefly at him before he launched himself into the 
air.

********

Lois closed the door to her editor's office. "Perry, the Army's 
trying to kill Superman again," she said.

"The whole Army's after Superman?" Perry raised an incredulous 
eyebrow.

"Bureau 39," she clarified.

"I thought it was dead," he said.

"Apparently there's a General Sharp out there who's eager to 
resurrect it," she added wryly. "And he thinks he's found 
Kryptonite."

"Kryptonite?"

"Superman told me that it really does exist and that it's 
potentially lethal to him. Anyway, this Sharp guy thinks the 
Kryptonite is in some place called Smoky Hill River Valley, 
Kansas."

"So what do you want to do about this?" Perry asked.

"I have to find out what Sharp is doing and whether he actually 
has the Kryptonite. I want to follow the team Sharp sent into 
the area to find the Kryptonite," Lois explained.

"Before you plan a full blown investigation, I need to know how 
sure you are of this, Lois. Can you trust your source?"

"I can't afford not to, Perry," she said. "Superman's life is 
at risk. You and I and everyone else on this planet owes it to 
him to check this out and stop these psychopaths if they are 
trying to kill him."

"Don't get all wound up, darlin', you know I'm a solid 
supporter of Superman and everything he's done for Metropolis. 
I just want to know if your source is trustworthy. How does he 
know all this? Where did he get his information?"

"I can't tell you, Perry."

"Can't you at least tell me how he's connected to this whole 
mess?"

"No."

"Lois..."

"Perry, he's afraid for more than just his own life, and I made 
a promise. I will not break it," she responded stubbornly.

"Fine. I'm willing to take a risk on this one, but you'd better 
hope that your source is right. The suits upstairs'll have me 
crucified if I send my best reporter out on a wild goose chase 
just when the Planet is starting to get back on its feet."

"Perry this is about more than just a story!" she exclaimed. 
Perry tried unsuccessfully to hide his incredulity. Lois shot 
back an angry glare.

"You'll need to be careful," he said. "The last thing you need 
is to tip off Bureau 39 that the Planet knows what they're up 
to. Oh, and Clark is going to go with you."

"That's exactly what Superman said," she grumbled.

"Well, he's a smart young man," Perry replied smiling 
knowingly. "Besides, I'm not sending you out into the 
wilderness to track some clandestine Army group by yourself."

"I don't need Clark to protect me!" she retorted.

"I'm not saying you do," he replied gently. "But you have no 
idea what's going to happen, darlin', and aw hell, I'd sleep 
better knowing that the two of you were out there to back each 
other up." Perry stood up from his desk and opened his door. He 
called out into the newsroom, "Clark, can I see you for a 
minute, son?"

Clark entered Perry's office and listened as Lois explained to 
him for the second time, what was going on. He pretended to be 
surprised by the news of Kryptonite's existence and the 
resurrection of Bureau 39.

"Perry wants us to find out what this Army team is doing out in 
the wilds of Kansas," she explained. She chewed her lip 
thoughtfully. "Isn't it odd that Bureau 39 keeps linking 
Superman to Kansas?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so," Clark stammered, unsure how to 
defuse that line of thinking.

"The two of you will need a suitable cover," Perry pronounced.

Clark was thankful for the change of subject. "Uh, Chief, the 
Smoky Hill River Valley is a popular place to go hiking and 
camping. It's in a state park called Cedar Bluff," he 
explained, afraid of linking this any further to himself. "We 
should be able to pretend that we're just vacationing."

"Fine," Perry said. "I'll make the arrangements. You two will 
leave here tomorrow morning. Now go home and pack."

********

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom," Clark said glumly.

"Clark, honey, how are you?" his mother asked, her voice full 
of concern.

"Bureau 39 is back, they're in Kansas, and they think they've 
found more Kryptonite," he explained.

"Oh dear. Jonathan, could you pick up the extension?"

Clark filled his parents in on everything he'd learned. "So 
what are you planning to do, son?" his father inquired.

"Lois and I will be going under cover to try and find them 
before they get to the Kryptonite."

"But don't you think that'll be extremely dangerous?" Martha 
asked.

Clark sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know, Mom, and I hate the idea 
of putting Lois in danger, but there was no way that I could 
keep her from doing this. Whoever her source is came to her 
with the information and there's no chance that she'd let 
anyone else look into it. Superman couldn't convince her to 
drop it and all he could do was talk her into taking Clark 
along."

"But what about you? If they do have Kryptonite, this will be 
just as dangerous for you as it is for her," his mother said.

"And you'll have a tougher time protecting Lois," his father 
pointed out.

"I know, I know," Clark replied. "I've been over this a million 
times, but I just don't see any alternatives. We're going to 
have to be extremely careful and keep our distance from them 
until we know what we're up against."

"But even if you beat them to the Kryptonite, you'll still be 
in danger, and if they get there first, what's to stop them 
from trying to use it on Superman the first chance they have?"

"I don't know, Dad, but I'm working on it. I hope I'll have 
some answers tomorrow. We'll be getting in to Wichita around 
noon. Right now I should probably go fly some patrols."

"All right, sweetheart, we'll see you then," Martha said. "Well 
think of something together."

"I hope so," Clark replied.

********

Lois stuffed her hiking boots into her pack. It had been years 
since she'd done anything remotely like recreational camping, 
but that didn't mean that she didn't have the prototypical 
camping gear. Her assignments in places like the Congo meant 
that she needed the typical outdoor gear along with certain 
survival extras considering the fact that she faced dangers 
quite distinct from snake bites and grizzly bears whenever she 
'roughed it' for a story.

She dug through the rest of her stuff, tossing aside the 
climbing ropes, figure 8 belays, and switchblade cramp-ons with 
disgust. She tried to throw off memories of Claude's suave 
assurances that rock climbing would be fun and all remembrances 
of that weekend as well. The thought of his voice, his charming 
accent, his softly whispered endearments, made her flesh crawl. 
She couldn't hear the words 'Mon Cherie' without cringing. 
This, thankfully, was work, and considering how things had been 
between her and Clark, there's no way he would mistake it for 
anything else. He'd lied to her, manipulated her like every 
other man in her life, but she would not be taken advantage of 
again.

A knock at the door startled her. She crossed her living room 
to the door and looked through the peephole. Letting out a 
resigned sigh, she undid the half dozen locks and deadbolts. 
"Come on in, Clark," she said.

"Hi Lois, good to see you, too," he replied to her less than 
warm welcome. She shot him a glare and the smile on his face 
faded. She almost regretted it, but stiffened her resolve.

"You're early," she commented. He dropped his pack beside the 
door and ran a hand through his hair. He was dressed very 
casually in jeans, a tee shirt and an unbuttoned flannel shirt, 
but still looked good. His innocent, unassuming country boy 
charm was getting downright irritating, she mused. She grabbed 
her pack and opened it up again, pulling out the fleece 
pullover she'd thrown in at the last minute. She tossed it on 
the couch, figuring she wouldn't need it. It was still pretty 
warm.

"You might want to take that," he said.

"Are you handling me?" she asked.

"I just thought you might want to know that it's supposed to 
get pretty cold at night. I'm sure you'd rather not deal with 
hypothermia. But it isn't something you can't handle. I mean, 
you obviously know how to deal with hypothermia," he said good-
naturedly.

She stared at him through narrowed eyes. She did know the 
treatment for hypothermia in the wild and she knew that Clark 
the Boy Scout knew it, too. It required getting into a sleeping 
bag naked with another person who was already naked. As far as 
she was concerned, the cure was worse than the disease. She 
stuffed the fleece back into her pack before zipping it up and 
slinging it over her shoulder. "Let's go," she said. She would 
have sworn that a wistful expression crossed his face, but it 
quickly faded. He grabbed his bag and followed her out the 
door. "Perry needs us to stop by the Planet before we head to 
the airport," he explained as she locked the deadbolts.

********

"What the hell are these?" she demanded. She ignored the half 
smile on her partner's face. He would find this funny.

"Wedding bands, Lois," Perry explained calmly. "Resized after 
the last time you two needed them. They ought to fit properly, 
now."

"I'm well aware of the fact that they're wedding rings, Perry. 
What I don't know is why we need them."

"It makes for a perfect cover. No one will pay any attention to 
a young married couple camping in the woods. Anyway, it's too 
late to change anything now. All your reservations have you 
listed as a married couple. It'll attract attention if you 
don't wear the rings and act like your married."

"This is ridiculous, I can't believe you did this to me!" She 
didn't want to explain to her editor that she woke up in the 
middle of the night terrified, frantically looking at her left 
hand, and only finding relief when confirming that there was in 
fact, no wedding band there.

Perry's face took on an expression of unadulterated horror. He 
began backpedaling nervously. "Lois, honey, I'm sorry, I clean 
forgot."

"Forgot what?" Lois asked. She glanced surreptitiously at her 
partner and noticed that Clark's smile had disappeared and had 
been replaced with a grim, tight-lipped expression.

"Well, I uh figured that, you know, this is a problem because 
of well, ah, what happened with, uh..." Perry began 
uncomfortably.

"Absolutely not," she fired back. "This has nothing to do with 
Lex."

"Lois, I'm sorry, I can't believe how insensitive that was of 
me."

"Perry, could you please quit treating me like I'm made of 
glass! I'm not going to break, okay? It's fine, do you 
understand me, fine." She grabbed the small gold band off 
Perry's desk and jammed it viciously onto her left ring finger.

Perry looked at her, stunned. "Well, uh, okay." He sighed 
agitatedly and handed Lois a thick envelope. "Here are your 
plane tickets, maps, and your reservations at Cedar Bluff. Your 
flight leaves in ninety minutes, good luck and bring me back a 
Kerth winner."

Lois glanced over at Clark who was silently placing the gold 
band on his own finger. His expression was unreadable and that 
confused her. Only a few months ago she would have sworn that 
she had her partner all figured out, that she could always tell 
what he was thinking. He wordlessly grabbed his things and held 
the door open for her.

********

Clark shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He hated flying 
conventionally. It seemed so bizarre, so unnatural to be 
sitting in this giant, clumsy metal tube, when he could be 
flying under his own power. Lois looked over at him and her 
perpetually annoyed expression faded into an almost sympathetic 
smile, but she remained silent. The plane barreled down the 
runway, making an incredible amount of noise. As the plane 
clawed its way upward Clark let out a long sigh. Only three 
more hours of this.

********

Clark scanned the area around the terminal and soon spotted his 
parents. His mother and father smiled warmly and waved at the 
pair.

"Clark, Lois!" his mother called out as she ran to greet them. 
"Lois, it's so good to see you again!"

"Hi Martha," Lois said as she gave the older woman a hug. 
"Jonathan, how are you?" They continued to exchange 
pleasantries as they gathered up their bags and headed out to 
the car.

"Smallville's actually on the way to Cedar Bluff. You two will 
have plenty of time to eat a home cooked meal before heading 
out."

"That would be terrific, Martha," Lois replied with more than a 
small measure of relief. "The food on the plane wasn't exactly 
inspiring."

A few hours later they pulled up to the well- kept little 
farmhouse. They ate a late lunch together and enjoyed light 
conversation. Sitting at the table after the dessert plates had 
been cleared, Clark noted wistfully that Lois was doing an 
excellent job of acting comfortable, which shouldn't have 
surprised him much. His parents adored Lois and did everything 
to make her feel welcome. That she felt comfortable with them 
only made sense. Not for the first time, he wished that she 
could feel this at ease around him.

"Clark, I was hoping you'd be able to come take a look at the 
tractor transmission while you're here." His father's voice 
startled him out of his melancholy thoughts.

What could possibly be wrong with the tractor transmission now? 
He'd fixed it only a week ago. "Sure Dad," he replied as he 
left the kitchen to join his father. He followed Jonathan out 
toward the barn. The older man stopped once they were a decent 
distance from the house.

"Clark, are you sure that you two will be safe?"

"We'll be careful, Dad, I promise," Clark assured his father.

"I'm still not sure chasing these crackpots down on your own is 
the best idea. What if they really do have more of that 
Kryptonite?"

"I'll make sure to keep my distance, Dad. I got some lead foil 
and brought it along, in case we find any of the Kryptonite, 
and I'm hoping that if there is any of it out there, that the 
Bureau 39 people don't find it first."

"What if you get exposed to it? Clark this is dangerous. I know 
you're not used to having to worry about your own safety, but 
you're going to have to learn. Besides, how much of a help will 
you be to Lois if you get hurt?"

"I know, Dad, and I wish there was some other way, but I don't 
see any alternatives. If I can get it wrapped up in lead, or 
better yet, get Lois to wrap it up, quickly, I don't think the 
effects will last very long. And if we come across the Bureau 
39 guys, I'll make sure to keep my distance until I know 
whether or not they have the Kryptonite. I will be careful, I 
promise you that, and I won't let anyone hurt Lois."

"I know, son, I know," Jonathan replied as he laid an 
understanding hand on his son's shoulder. "So how are you two 
doing?"

"About the same," Clark replied. "It's just so frustrating," he 
growled.

"Give it time, Clark. Give her time."

Clark laughed humorlessly. "Right now I'm just hoping that we 
can make it three days in the woods without her strangling me 
to death."

Jonathan snorted. "Son, I think that Lois is a bit more 
imaginative than that don't you?" Clark's head snapped up as he 
looked at his father in shock. Jonathan clapped Clark on the 
back and with a slight wink said, "there are worse ways to go."

********

Clark and Jonathan returned to the house to find Martha alone 
in the living room. "Where's Lois?" Jonathan asked.

"I showed her to the den so she could call Perry," Martha 
replied. Clark nodded knowingly. He and Lois had both agreed 
that since Trask's search and detainment warrants and his EPA 
documentation had all been forgeries, that there was a good 
chance that the current USGS survey in Cedar Bluff was there 
without official authorization either. Perry had promised that 
he'd look into the matter and keep them updated.

Lois emerged from the den with no news from their editor. 
Deciding that it was time for them to head out, Lois and Clark 
packed their things up in the Kent's old truck. It was much 
smaller than the one Jonathan and Martha had bought a few years 
ago, but more than suitable for their needs. They bid the Kents 
goodbye and headed out for Cedar Bluff. The park was a little 
more than an hour away from Smallville and they planned on 
arriving well before dusk. They rode in awkward silence for a 
while before Lois finally spoke.

"My source said that the survey team is concentrated in 
Bluffton, which is just southeast of the Canyon. It should be 
about a day's hike to get there from the park entrance."

"We can get started today, but we won't have much time before 
dark. We should be able hit the first good clearing to set up 
camp in a couple of hours. We'll start early tomorrow and make 
it to the Canyon before dusk." Clark pulled off the interstate 
and onto a dusty single lane road. He parked the truck a few 
minutes later in front of a gas station and what passed for a 
convenience store in rural Kansas.

"Gas?" Lois asked, craning her neck to see the gas gauge on the 
dashboard.

"Nope," Clark replied. "Provisions. Mom packed sandwiches and 
fruit for tonight, but we're going to need more food and the 
energy bars you probably packed aren't going to cut it." She 
made a face at him. "Come on, Lois," he teased. "Nothing says 
'camping' like baked beans, trail mix, and hot Tang." With a 
mischievous grin he hopped out of the truck and walked into the 
store. He returned a few minutes later with a brown paper sack. 
He placed it between them on the seat and started up the truck.

Lois opened the bag and looked inside. "You really did buy 
baked beans and trail mix," she said incredulously.

"And Tang," he added. "Don't forget the Tang."

"How could I?" she mumbled sarcastically.

He pulled back out onto the interstate. Lois had to admit to 
herself that the area wasn't what she'd expected. She'd always 
thought of Kansas as flat and empty except for cornfields. 
Instead, they were surrounded by forests and hills as well as 
tall rock formations, making for an environment that diverged 
radically from her preconceived image of Kansas. She quietly 
stared out her window at the scenery that passed by quickly. 
Before long, they reached their destination. Clark parked the 
truck in the large, near empty lot. He began reorganizing his 
own pack so that he could carry all of the food he'd bought. 
Lois made her way to the park office, leaving Clark with the 
truck.

She walked through the old wooden door of the park office and 
found the park ranger, leaning against a table, engrossed in a 
copy of the Wichita Eagle. She cleared her throat to get his 
attention. He leisurely folded the paper, having not even 
bothered to look up to see who was disturbing him. At last, he 
looked up and immediately, stood up straighter, puffed up his 
chest slightly and gave her what she knew he believed was a 
debonair smile. "What can I do for you, ma'am?" he asked 
graciously.

"Just here to check in," she replied. "I'll be in the park for 
the next three days."

"Campsite reservations?" he asked politely, still smiling.

"No, I'll be roughing it," she replied.

"Fishing license?"

"Won't be fishing."

"All right then, I'll just get the forms so you can fill out 
your itinerary." He sauntered toward a filing cabinet. "Say you 
aren't out here all by yourself are you? It's not exactly the 
best idea to go off into the park all by yourself."

"Thanks for your concern, but I'm a big girl, I can take care 
of myself," she replied. Just then the door to the office 
opened and Clark walked in. The ranger's back was still turned 
toward them and apparently he failed to notice that someone 
else had entered the building.

The park ranger turned around, his eyes still focused on the 
forms in his hands. "We highly advise against any extended 
camping alone. It'd be a shame for a pretty young woman like 
yourself to get hurt all alone out there." He looked up, 
smiling and winked at her, but his face fell instantly as he 
noticed Clark's presence.

"Everything all right, sweetheart?" Clark asked, making an 
obvious gesture of taking Lois's hand.

"Just fine, honey," she replied sweetly, all the while stepping 
on his foot. Clark simply turned to her and smiled. Lois filled 
out the forms, trying to hide her disdain at signing in as Mrs. 
Lois Kent. As if to drive the point home to the now rather 
quiet park ranger, Clark placed his left hand, complete with 
wedding band, on the countertop as he filled out his 
information and signed his name beside Lois's. Lois watched as 
the ranger glanced first at Clark's ring and then craned his 
neck to look at her own hand, as though he needed more 
confirmation of what was being waved in his face.

"The Canyon and the wildlife reserve are closed this time of 
year to visitors," the ranger informed them, his previous 
politeness now waning. "So make sure to avoid those areas, and 
have a nice trip." He put his head down and began sorting the 
completed paperwork, as though he was oblivious to whether or 
not they were still in the building.

"Thanks, again," Clark replied cheerfully. He took Lois's hand 
and they walked out of the office.

Lois quickly released his hand once they were away from the 
park office. "What on earth was that all about?" she demanded.

"I figured it was important to maintain the appearance that 
we're married, Lois."

"Since when does that require that you act like a testosterone 
driven, territorial gorilla?"

"Territorial gorilla?! Are you calling me jealous?" He seemed 
stung by her comment.

"Well obviously, Clark," she replied.

"Are you kidding? I was doing that guy a favor."

"I beg your pardon?" she demanded coldly.

"When I walked in, he was trying to figure out which of a dozen 
crass pick up lines to use on you. You don't deserve that, 
Lois. You are way out of his league and I thought I'd politely 
let him know that."

Damn him. Damn him for knowing exactly how to dissipate her 
anger. And damn her for not being able to be angry with him 
when she really, really wanted to be. Why was it that he could 
say something like that and she'd believe him? She opened her 
mouth to say something, she didn't know what, but found that 
he'd already put his head down and had begun walking.

She caught up with him quickly and they walked silently down 
the packed dirt path. Before long, they came to fork in the 
path and a directional sign. The arrow pointing toward 
Threshing Machine Canyon had a sign attached to it that read, 
"Canyon and wildlife preserve closed to visitors Sept. 1 to 
March 10." Lois looked at Clark and merely shrugged before 
heading down the path in that direction. He made no attempt to 
argue with her and they proceeded again in silence.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled after a long while.

"Huh?"

"For calling you territorial gorilla," she explained.

He laughed softly and smiled good-naturedly at her. "Actually, 
it was kind of funny."

She knew that he was saying that for her benefit. He'd been 
unable to disguise the surprise and disappointment in his 
expression when she'd said it. They continued to walk up the 
path through the gently rolling hills surrounded by tall 
limestone formations. Clark walked a half step behind her 
apparently content to let her set the pace. The dry, warm, and 
dusty afternoon quickly changed to a cool, crisp evening. A 
gentle breeze was the harbinger of a cold night ahead. The sun 
dipped below the horizon, and the Kansas sky, which stretched 
out to infinity all around them, turned a deep violet.

Clark finally broke the silence to suggest that they find a 
place to camp for the night. They worked their way off the path 
a bit toward one of the limestone formations. Under a crude 
rock shelter they dropped their packs for the first time since 
setting off a few hours before. Lois stretched out her tired 
and aching muscles, feeling an incredible sense of relief now 
that her shoulders were freed from the burden of her backpack.

While she took a moment to rest, Clark, in his usual, 
unassuming manner, had already begun to collect firewood and 
dry brush. He arranged some small stones into a circle and 
piled the kindling within it.

"Are you going to light that fire with a couple of flint 
stones?" Lois asked.

Clark merely shook his head and smiled. He pulled a small metal 
container out of his pocket. Waterproof matches. "These are 
lighter and take up less space," he said. Clark got the fire 
started quickly. He unrolled his sleeping bag and unpacked 
dinner as they settled in for the evening.

Lois regarded him silently as he sat beside the fire, 
occasionally stirring up the kindling with a long stick. Thin 
wisps of gray smoke floated up from the flames as the fire 
crackled softly, the warm, orange glow lighting up his face in 
the darkness. His posture was relaxed and comfortable and he 
fit in as easily here as he did on the farm, or in the chaotic 
bullpen of the Daily Planet Newsroom. He seemed to slip 
effortlessly from one role to the next. Despite his tranquil 
demeanor, there was clearly something on his mind, something 
troubling him, and she couldn't say what it was. "You know, I 
thought I'd have you all figured out by now," she said quietly 
under her breath.

He looked up, as if startled out of his reverie, and gave her a 
slight, lopsided smile. She was stunned that he'd heard her. 
"Penny for your thoughts," she added with a brief smile of her 
own. "Unless of course you need a larger cash inducement."

He shook his head and smiled. "For you, they're free of charge. 
What do you want to know?"

"Whether or not you meant what you said back there?"

He looked her straight in the eyes, his expression serious. 
"You mean about you deserving better than some dumb pick up 
lines? About you being better than that?"

She nervously tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and 
nodded slightly.

"Yeah, I did," he answered. "And I'm sorry if I acted like some 
kind of jealous husband, but it bothered me to see some creep 
hitting on you."

"Since I'm 'way out of his league'?" she quoted.

"Naturally," he replied.

"So does that put you in my league?" she asked. She meant the 
comment to be humorous, but she'd felt awkwardness and 
embarrassment creep over her even before she'd finished saying 
it. If she could have retracted the words in that instant, she 
would have. Instead, they hung clumsily in the air between 
them.

He shrugged. "Nothing wrong with indulging in a little wishful 
thinking."

She felt like she understood him even less, if that were at all 
possible. Why was he so keen on coming to her defense? She 
wondered sourly if this was the same man, who only a few months 
ago had lied to her, who had manipulated her, who had told her 
that he would have said anything to keep her from marrying Lex, 
anything except tell her the truth? His idea of sparing her 
feelings was to manipulate them yet again. What would he have 
done had she been more receptive to his declaration? Would he 
have pursued a sham relationship with her to make the ploy more 
believable?

Lois scrutinized the object of her thoughts from across the 
fire. Her failure to respond to his last comment had created 
silence between them once again and he had returned to staring 
down at the glowing fire. He seemed detached, even forlorn and 
it was hard to recall to memory the anger and the callousness 
that characterized him during her engagement to Lex. She 
understood now, all too well, that Lex had been deserving of 
Clark's animosity, but had she been deserving of his deceit? 
Whether or not she was deserving of it was immaterial. The only 
cold, hard, fact she could confront was that she'd been na<ve 
and gullible. She'd been duped, led astray, and finally, 
disabused of any remaining sentimentality she may have 
possessed. She'd been unable to marry Lex in part because she'd 
begun to wonder if she really did have romantic feelings for 
her partner. She'd begun to wonder if she too, felt what he 
claimed to feel. Finding out that he'd lied only made her doubt 
her own emotions more. Her foolish heart obviously didn't know 
what was good for her and it was darn well time that she 
stopped listening to it, she reflected bitterly.

She bit back a sigh as she struggled to get comfortable despite 
the random pebbles and twigs that poked her. She'd mentally 
berated herself for her foolishness time and again. Yet no 
matter how many times she replayed the catastrophic events of 
those few weeks in her mind, she still could not believe the 
extent of her own blindness. She'd believed the promises and 
declarations of love of a ruthless criminal. She'd professed to 
love a man who then in turn, rejected her feelings and left her 
feeling cheap with his cold comments. It wasn't until then that 
she realized that if she could so seriously misjudge his 
reactions, that she really didn't know Superman at all. And 
that left her partner. The one guy she could always trust, 
always count on. Her best friend and confidant, the last honest 
man in the world. Or so she had believed. It wasn't that Clark 
hadn't tried to repair their friendship, he had. With serious 
and earnest effort he'd tried to be there for her, to be her 
friend, but how was she supposed to trust him ever again? And 
even if it weren't a question of trust, her pride wouldn't 
allow it. What must he think of her, knowing how gullible she 
was, how easily manipulated? He clearly couldn't respect her 
anymore, at best, he probably felt sorry for her. That was the 
last thing she wanted. She couldn't stand receiving his pity.

Finally, Clark stood up from his seat beside the fire and 
stretched his arms high above his head. He dragged a hand 
through his hair. "I uh, guess we should call it a night," 
Clark said, breaking the long silence. "We'll have to head out 
early tomorrow in order to get to the Canyon before dusk." She 
merely nodded in assent and unfurled her own sleeping bag.

"Goodnight, Lois," he said with a gentle, almost wistful smile, 
his expression open and honest and kind.

"Goodnight, Clark," she replied. She struggled to reconcile 
this Clark with the one she'd been faced with those months ago 
and the two disparate images refused to synthesize to a single 
picture. She wondered, not for the first time, which was the 
real Clark. She had to admit, if only to herself, that she 
missed her best friend, that she wanted him back in her life, 
despite all the hurt, and the lies and the deceit. But somehow, 
of all the scars that had been inflicted upon her throughout 
her ordeal, the wounds she suffered at his hands hurt the most 
and had refused to heal and she didn't know if she could 
forgive him that. She sighed heavily and shut her eyes, hoping 
that the sheer force of will would bring her sleep and perhaps 
much needed peace of mind.

********

The sounds of the world coming to life woke him just as the 
first rays of sunshine kissed the horizon. He felt the warm 
light on his face before opening his eyes and smiled. Waking up 
to the sounds of the countryside and the smell of clean, fresh 
air was something he welcomed, even if he had been in Kansas 
just a week before. For a moment, he felt as if he could almost 
forget that Lois was upset with him and that they were out here 
trying to stop a bunch of misguided soldiers from killing 
Superman. Almost.

He slowly stood up and stretched before packing up his sleeping 
bag. Finding a secluded corner on the other side of the rock 
shelter, he changed out of his sweats and pulled on his jeans 
and a clean t-shirt. He threw on a fleece vest for appearance's 
sake. He brushed his teeth and splashed the remaining water in 
his Nalgene bottle on his face. Making sure that Lois was 
asleep, he used the reflective surface of his Swiss Army Knife 
blade to shave. The fire had died over the course of the night 
and he set about re-lighting it. He found his cooking equipment 
and plates, cleaned after dinner last night, and began 
breakfast.

As he went about his mundane tasks he ruminated over the events 
of the previous day. He certainly wasn't any closer to 
understanding his partner or her behavior as of late. He had 
detected a sense of ambivalence from her, as though she didn't 
even know how she felt or what she wanted any more. She 
certainly was sending him mixed signals, one moment joking with 
him, the next completely unable to bear his presence.

It was probably a good thing that he didn't need much sleep. 
He'd lain awake most of the night, thinking about all the 
things that had happened in the last few months, the things 
he'd said and done and the things he should have said and done 
instead. Whatever it was that hung between them, creating such 
awkwardness, would certainly become intolerable before long. 
They had a long day ahead of them and if they spent it 
uncomfortable and unable to talk to each other it was going to 
be a miserable hike.

Lois stifled a groan as she slowly slipped back into 
consciousness. They hadn't spent too much time together since 
the Luthor fiasco and she hadn't realized how draining it would 
be to keep her guard up around Clark twenty four hours a day. 
At the moment, she didn't feel like she had the energy to face 
Clark. She experimentally opened one eye slightly. Yep, there 
he was, sitting beside the newly rekindled fire, preparing 
breakfast. She focused on him just as he looked over at her and 
smiled. Well, there was no avoiding him now.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully. "Sleep well?"

"Fine," she said as she sat up. "What about you?"

"Like a baby," he replied.

She rolled up her sleeping bag, grabbed her pack, and made her 
way to the other side of the rock shelter. She returned dressed 
and fully awake a few moments later to find Clark pouring two 
cups of hot liquid. He handed her one of the steaming cups. She 
tugged lightly on the teabag string hanging over the brim of 
the cup.

"Chai," he explained as he handed her a few packets of sugar.

"Thanks," she replied and smiled genuinely for the first time 
in a long while. Clark bringing her coffee or tea was nothing 
unusual. In fact, he'd done it all the time during the months 
of their friendship. At that moment, she couldn't help but 
think that it was so natural, so right. That perhaps they were 
reclaiming some small part of what they'd lost in the 
interceding months. Now if only she could figure out what he'd 
meant by 'wishful thinking' last night. Was he just making a 
joke to deflect that horrible, stupid question of hers? Was he 
merely humoring her? What could have possibly possessed her to 
ask whether he considered himself in her league?

He grinned at her. It was one of those smiles that made her 
forget why she wanted to be mad at him in the first place. She 
mentally shook herself. This wasn't about a grudge. She wasn't 
even sure she was still angry with him. This was about 
something bigger than anger. It was about whether or not she 
could trust him, and that she still didn't know.

It was funny how trust took so long to build and could be 
destroyed so quickly. It had taken only his nonsensical 
behavior during the weeks of her engagement to Lex to destroy 
all of that. Perhaps she couldn't hold him uniquely responsible 
for that, though. No one seemed to be acting rationally during 
that time, especially not her. And yet for all her reflection, 
both in waking hours and through those horrid, recurring 
nightmares, she couldn't figure out why she'd done some of the 
things she'd done then. She'd never loved Lex, so it wasn't as 
though she could claim to have been blinded by love and 
therefore suffering from some sort of amorously induced lunacy. 
Was her behavior the result of the loss of the Planet? Or maybe 
because of her alienation from her friends? Or the creation of 
the rift between her and Clark due to her relationship with 
Lex? She didn't want to admit to being so vulnerable, but she 
wasn't sure which was worse, weakness or stupidity.

The sound of his voice intruded on her silent recriminations. 
"The tea and oatmeal used up the last of the water, but the 
river is only an hour's hike from here. We can purify water and 
fill up our bottles there."

They ate breakfast and packed up their gear in preparation of 
the long hike to the region where the survey team was supposed 
to be concentrating. She pushed the insistent thoughts of her 
partner aside and focused instead on the task at hand--foiling 
another government conspiracy. As Clark sat studying the map, 
Lois pulled the cell phone out of the zip pocket of her pack 
and turned it on.

"Do you even get reception here?" Clark asked, an incredulous 
look on his face.

"This is one of the Planet's phones," she explained as she 
punched in a few buttons to retrieve the voicemail messages. 
"These things have coast to coast coverage." She held the phone 
up to her ear. "Perry called," she said, frowning. Her frown 
slowly transformed into a smile. "We've got them, Clark! The 
survey paperwork was a forgery. The team isn't USGS and they're 
not authorized to be here. My source was right." Vindicated, 
she turned the phone back off and tucked it away in her pack. 
"Now we just find them, make sure they don't have the 
Kryptonite, call in the cavalry, and expose the fact that 
someone's trying to restart Bureau 39."

"Sounds simple enough to me," he replied.

"Save the sarcasm, Clark. Now come on, the sooner we get 
moving, the sooner we get the bad guys, save Superman, and bag 
an exclusive." She felt the electric charge that accompanied a 
big story tingling through her. Suddenly, she was Lois Lane, 
top investigative reporter again, not poor, helpless, gullible 
Lois, taken in by everyone around her. They set off and it was 
all she could do not to break out into a run. She could 
practically see the Kerth award with her--well make that their-
-names on it.

********

"Lois, are you sure you don't want to take a break?" Clark 
called out over the sound of the river.

"Are you wussing out on me, Clark?" she asked as she continued 
forward.

"Of course not," he replied.

"Well, we've got, what, another hour til we reach the canyon?"

"More or less."

"So we'll keep going til we hit the canyon, set up camp and 
then figure out what we do from there," she explained as she 
scrambled over a fallen tree that was obstructing the path.

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out," he said as he 
hopped over the same tree trunk.

"Naturally."

She stepped carefully over the stones on the poorly maintained 
trail. The path directly beside the riverbed ended and the only 
way to continue was up and over the rock ledge that extended 
along the river. Lois stepped up on the first rock and 
calculated her options. She could see Clark moving beside her 
out of the corner of her eye. Blessed with longer stride length 
and greater reach, he was having far less difficulty moving 
from rock to rock. He reached the top before she did and as she 
was contemplating her next lateral movement, she saw his hand 
extend toward her. She looked up at him, half expecting a smirk 
but finding instead a warm smile. She placed her hand in his 
larger one and allowed him to help her. She stepped up on the 
next rock and felt the reassuring tension in his grip that told 
her that he would not allow her to lose her balance or slip.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"You're welcome," he replied.

They walked again in silence for some time, this time, side by 
side on the wider path. It was late afternoon and while he and 
Lois had managed to be civil and even polite to each other so 
far, Clark couldn't help but feel a growing sense of 
frustration. He thought bitterly that there was once a time 
when they could spend hours together and not run out of things 
to talk about. Now, the hours dragged on in silence although he 
felt like he had so much to say to her. He was surprised when 
she finally broke the silence.

"This isn't what you meant was it?"

"Huh?" he replied, unsure as to what she was referring.

"When you said you wanted us to go back to being friends."

He shook his head sadly. "No, it isn't."

"It's not what I wanted, either," she replied.

"I guess I just wanted to turn the clock back, stop that whole 
thing from happening."

She smiled tremulously at him. "If you could have prevented me 
from making a fool out of myself, I would have been all for 
it."

He shook his head slowly. "I wanted to prevent you from getting 
hurt." He heard her draw in a sharp breath. He inclined his 
head slightly and noticed that she'd fallen out of step with 
him and had stopped walking. Clark stopped and turned toward 
her. "What?" he asked, confused.

"That's the second time in two days that you've said something 
like that to me."

Now he was lost. "What do you mean?"

"I can't take the polite concern routine anymore, I've seen it 
from too many other people. There's no need to act like you 
care more than you do." She had steeled herself against him, 
the expression on her face cold and accusatory.

He couldn't help but gasp. "I can't believe you think that."

"Why this sudden need to protect me, Clark? Or to put me on 
some sort of pedestal for that matter?"

"Because I do care about you," he said quietly. "Because you 
are special to me, and because I can't stand to see you get 
hurt. Never doubt that."

"I don't need to be taken care of," she replied.

"I know," he said. "But that can't change the fact that it 
hurts me to see my best friend in pain. Or the fact that I 
don't know which is worse, knowing that there was something I 
could have done to prevent it, or knowing that there is nothing 
I can do to make it go away. And both pale in comparison with 
knowing that I did something to cause that pain."

"Then why did you lie, Clark?" she demanded angrily.

"I...I didn't know what else to do," he admitted. He dragged a 
hand through his hair. "I know, I was stupid and I didn't think 
about how you'd react to what I said. All I knew was that I 
needed to convince you not to marry Lex."

"So despite the fact that you told me that I could trust you, 
that you weren't just some typical male, you lied to me?"

"Do you remember when I told you that losing my job and my 
friends and everything else that went up in smoke with the 
Planet, were things I could deal with, but that I couldn't 
imagine losing you? I meant it, Lois. I've never before had a 
friend so important to me that I couldn't imagine living 
without them as a part of my life. In trying to save that, I 
only managed to screw it up."

"We did a lot to hurt each other in those few weeks, didn't 
we?" she asked, her voice low and thick with emotion.

He simply nodded and fought the urge to gather her up in his 
arms and hold her and tell her how sorry he was and how much he 
loved her. "But I didn't want to lose my best friend over 
that," he answered. "I'd hoped that we'd at least try to get 
back what we'd lost. It took a while for me to figure out that 
this was one thing that I couldn't fix through sheer 
stubbornness alone. So if you don't want me in your life, I'll 
go. And if you can't work with me any more, I'll ask Perry to 
reassign me. But I need you to know that you are the best 
friend I've ever had and nothing will ever change that."

"Clark, I..." He watched the emotions flit across her face. 
"You know, you're the only partner I've ever been able to work 
with," she said at last. "And if you go and do something stupid 
like tell Perry to reassign either of us, I'll never forgive 
you," her words were spoken harshly but he could see the smile 
twitching at the corners of her lips.

He laughed softly. "So is this a truce?"

"For now," she replied.

"Good, because I miss my partner," he said.

"And I miss my friend," she said quietly. "Now come on, we've 
got another two miles to go."

He shook his head as he started after her. He felt off balance, 
as though he'd been sucker punched while off guard. She'd 
caught him by surprise and since he was a lousy liar, he'd had 
little choice but to be honest with her. As scary as it had 
been, he knew that telling her what he was feeling had been the 
right thing to do. Maybe, just maybe, he could now work on 
rebuilding that lost trust between them.

********

They reached their destination, the western end of the canyon, 
well before dark. The clearing that they'd selected was a 
little less than half a mile away from the river and within the 
boundaries of the wildlife preserve. As they set up camp, they 
discussed plans and back up plans of what to do when they found 
the survey team. Surprisingly enough, Lois agreed with him that 
no matter what, any sort of contact with the survey team would 
be far too dangerous.

Lois sat on a large boulder reviewing her notes. "So what do we 
do if they have the Kryptonite?" she asked him.

"I guess we just have to call the authorities," he replied 
uneasily as he started to unpack the cooking equipment from his 
gear.

"And turn over the one thing that can kill Superman to the 
government?" she asked incredulously.

"We don't have much of a choice, Lois," he replied. "Bureau 39 
has tried to kill both of us several times and this time we 
can't exactly rely on Superman to bail us out. Superman made us 
promise to be careful. The only reason he didn't take this to 
the police is because we promised we wouldn't take any 
unnecessary risks."

"I know," she grumbled. "But it still doesn't seem right. He's 
risked himself for us plenty of times. Why shouldn't we do the 
same for him?"

"Superman takes calculated risks when he has no other choice, 
like with the Nightfall asteroid. You and I wouldn't stand a 
chance of getting the Kryptonite away from a team of Bureau 39 
members, we'd be killed on the spot."

"Then what do we do?"

"The same thing that we've done before to help Superman, rally 
public opinion behind him. People hated Bureau 39 and they 
weren't too happy about the fact that part of the government 
was trying to get rid of Superman."

"But even if almost everyone supports Superman, the criminal 
element will be made aware of the fact that there is something 
that can kill him."

"I guess that's a risk that I, uh, that he has to accept. I 
don't want Kryptonite being made public knowledge any more than 
you do, but that may be the only way we can stop these guys." 
He cringed inwardly at his near-slip. He must have been even 
more preoccupied than he'd thought.

"We'll save it as a last resort," she confirmed. "If there's 
any way at all that we can keep Kryptonite a secret, we will."

"Agreed," he said. They lapsed into silence once again. He 
brooded over their conversation and inwardly cringed when he 
realized that even in apologizing he'd lied to her, or at 
least, had led her to believe something false again. It dawned 
on him that she was perfectly right to question whether or not 
to trust him. He'd deceived her and he was continuing to do so.

How could he expect her to trust him when it looked as though 
he didn't return that trust? Maybe it was time that he stop 
running. Maybe it was time that he tell Lois the whole truth. 
She'd be furious with him, he knew that, but it was important 
that he prove that he did trust her. He believed firmly that 
Lois would never reveal him, no matter how angry she was. She 
was determined now to protect Superman from Kryptonite and even 
to hide it from public knowledge although she was still mad at 
him, and rightfully so.

It was decided then, he was going to tell Lois everything. He 
wondered for a brief instant if his desire to tell her the 
truth wasn't just the result of a selfish need to get himself 
back in her good graces, but he quickly banished the thought. 
Telling Lois that he'd deceived her for over a year was hardly 
likely to score him points. He'd probably earn her wrath 
instead. No, he was doing this because she didn't deserve to be 
lied to by her best friend and frankly, he could no longer 
stomach constantly misleading her and telling her blatant lies.

He knew that telling her he was Superman wasn't going to be the 
only unexpected news he would deliver. Trusting her with that 
information would only be a token gesture, and a hollow one at 
that, if he continued to lie to her about how he felt. Of 
course, he'd explain to her that he didn't expect anything of 
her. He couldn't say that he would be content with friendship, 
so he'd just tell her that her friendship wasn't something he 
was prepared to lose, that was assuming that she still 
considered him a friend.

He wondered how her knowing about his alter ego would affect 
their relationship. He was once afraid that if she ever learned 
the truth, she'd love him because he was Superman. But he 
sincerely doubted that Lois still harbored her crush on the 
superhero. She didn't seem as, well, enchanted by his presence 
anymore. The last time they'd spoken she seemed anxious to get 
away from him. Like he could blame her. He'd been such a cad. 
He'd managed to disabuse her of the belief that Superman was a 
perfect person, but the price was beginning to seem pretty 
steep.

Clark sighed with resignation. He needed to figure out the 
right time and place to have this conversation. Here in the 
woods was nice, she could yell at him all she wanted and 
there'd be no one to hear them, but he thought it would be best 
to wait until after they'd dealt with the Kryptonite. He had to 
do something before he drove himself nuts. He stood up and 
pulled the little metal match container out of his pocket. 
"Could you get the fire started? I'm going to go find more 
wood," he said. She nodded and he tossed her the matches before 
walking toward a more densely wooded area.

********

Collecting dried brush was not a problem. Thanks to an early 
fall dry spell there was plenty of dry wood for the fire. As he 
gathered fuel for the fire, Clark thought more about what he 
was planning to say to Lois and how he ought to say it. He 
decided that he would be direct, but he was still ambivalent as 
to the perfect circumstances. Should he make her dinner, and 
hope that spending time together in a comfortable environment 
would make it easier, or would it look like he was trying to 
moderate her reaction?

He felt the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes. With his 
free hand, he pushed up his glasses and rubbed the bridge of 
his nose. He supposed that his current predicament was enough 
to give even an invulnerable person a headache.

He continued walking down the hill toward the dense brush near 
the river, where he figured he could find all the wood he 
needed. The temperature had dropped a bit, but he was suddenly 
feeling flushed with warmth. He unzipped his fleece vest and 
tugged at the collar of his t-shirt. His throat was suddenly 
dry and scratchy. He swallowed painfully. His head was swimming 
and suddenly the ground was coming up toward him. He and the 
earth collided with a thick 'thud' and he felt himself sliding 
and tumbling down the hill. A sapling broke his fall, doing 
considerable damage to the tree and surprisingly, to him as 
well.

His body was screaming at him with pain. He sat up awkwardly 
and looked down at his hands; his palms were covered in rough 
red scrapes that were starting to bleed and sting. His body was 
a miserable conglomeration of aches and pains that were 
terribly unfamiliar to him. Through the throbbing and the 
stinging, like a clarion bell ringing deafeningly in his ears, 
were the nausea and dizziness that he knew all too well and had 
hoped to forget.

Kryptonite.

He drew in a long, shaky and painful breath. He groaned as he 
clumsily got to his feet. With slow, thick fingers he unzipped 
the pocket of his vest and pulled out the lead foil. He moved 
forward and was met by another wave of dizziness and pain. 
Good. He was getting closer to it. He walked forward for as 
long as he could, each step requiring more energy than he 
thought he possessed.

Eventually, his weak and trembling legs gave out. With a cry, 
he fell to the ground. The fire in his veins continued to 
deliver white- hot agony to every part of his body. He tried to 
stand and merely fell again when his legs refused to hold up 
the burden of his weight. He cursed silently as he began to 
crawl even closer to the source of his torment. He placed one 
blood-reddened hand in front of the other until the very ground 
beneath him began to burn. He bit back another cry as dug 
through the soil. After what seemed like an eternity, he could 
finally see the smooth, glowing, green rocks in the dirt. 
Clutching the lead foil, he collected all of the rocks in it 
and bundled it up as tightly as he could manage.

He collapsed to the ground, heaving and coughing from the 
exertion, but the burning pain was beginning to die down. He 
lay motionless as the pain slowly waned away. The throbbing 
became less insistent and his ragged breathing returned to 
normal. Stupid, he thought to himself. He'd been thoroughly 
unprepared for that, despite the initial symptoms of Kryptonite 
exposure. He really was quite a mess if he could confuse the 
psychosomatic manifestations of heartache with Kryptonite 
poisoning. Some small part of his mind insisted, though, that 
thinking that he'd lost Lois to Luthor had felt just like that.

He couldn't say how long he'd been there when the sounds of 
footsteps startled him. He looked up and noticed that the sun 
had progressed further on its descent toward the horizon and 
the sky was darkening. He strained to make out the sounds of 
voices. Several men were speaking in harsh, clipped tones, but 
he couldn't tell what they were saying. The voices became 
louder and clearer and he realized that he would need to hide 
himself. He grabbed the lead foil ball beside him and against 
every instinct he possessed, stuffed it back in the pocket of 
his fleece vest. He managed to half run, half stumble his way 
away from the sounds of the voices, finding apparent safety 
behind a large boulder. Trying to calm his own thundering pulse 
and breathing, he sat motionless, listening intently to the 
voices.

"We're way out of the sector we were supposed to be 
investigating."

"I'm just following the equipment." A second voice responded, 
agitatedly.

"And what does the equipment tell you know, Sergeant?" It was 
the Bureau 39 men. Then again, who else would it be? According 
to Lois's source, they were supposed to be several miles away 
from here, but by their own admission, they were outside of the 
region in which they were supposed to be searching.

"Nothing."

"What do you mean, nothing?" The first man was quickly becoming 
angry.

"I was getting some readings before, but now, nothing." The 
footsteps were now significantly louder.

"How is that possible?"

"Whatever we're tracing isn't like anything I've ever seen 
before. The radiation patterns are weak, diffused, and hard to 
pinpoint, but there was something here before and now it's 
gone."

"The equipment must be malfunctioning." He could hear the twigs 
and dried leaves cracking under the boots of the soldiers.

"There's nothing wrong with the equipment," the second man 
snapped defensively.

"Wait a minute." The footsteps stopped.

"What is it? Do you have something?"

"No, but look at the ground."

"What?"

"See that, blood." Clark looked down at his bleeding hands and 
the dark stain around the tear in his jeans.

"It's just an animal's. We are out in the woods, remember?"

"You heard what the Captain said. We leave no witnesses."

"This is a wilderness preserve, there are no tourists here."

"We ought to check it out anyway." The footsteps were getting 
closer and closer. He was a dead man and he knew it. At least 
Lois was still safe. He gritted his teeth and fought the urge 
to yell. Knowing Lois, she'd start to investigate when she 
realized that he'd been gone too long. She'd probably already 
started looking for him. She may not have been trained as a 
tracker, but he didn't doubt for a second her ability to find 
him. Her investigative sense was remarkable, and she was a 
trouble magnet, too. They were going to kill him and there 
would be no one left to protect her from them.

He cursed himself silently. He'd managed to destroy everything. 
They were getting closer. He wasn't afraid, not for himself, 
anyway. All he felt were guilt and grief. He'd just resolved 
not to fail Lois again, and here he was, spending his last few 
moments aching with the knowledge that he'd failed to protect 
her.

They were so close that he could hear their breathing, and in 
response, he held his own breath. He heard the soft click of 
the safety on an M 16 being switched. The wind rustled through 
the trees and sounds of birds chirping was incongruous and 
painfully out of place. He bit his lip, shut his eyes, and 
waited.

********

Lois looked at her watch and frowned agitatedly. Clark had been 
gone well over half an hour. It shouldn't have taken him 
anywhere near this long to collect wood for the fire. She'd 
been waiting impatiently for a while now, wondering what was 
taking him so long. He seemed to have a good map sense so she 
hadn't thought that he'd gotten lost. But now she began to 
wonder. Had he been hurt? Did he need help? Should she go 
looking for him? He'd headed back toward the river, most likely 
toward the densely wooded area, she guessed. She zipped open 
her pack and dug through her things until she found the little 
zip pack she was looking for--the first aid kit. She grabbed 
it, the cell phone, and a water bottle and set off toward the 
river.

Lois had no idea whether or not she was going the right way. 
There was no sign of Clark anywhere, so she just stubbornly 
continued forward. She started down the hill that led to the 
narrow river basin when she saw a pile of sticks and brush in 
an obtrusive heap on the grass. The pile could have gotten 
there through some other means, she thought. Or it could have 
been dropped by Clark. She scanned the area around the pile, 
about twenty feet further down the hill was a bent and injured 
sapling. She scrutinized it curiously, wondering what caused 
the damage.

Worried, she opened her mouth to call out Clark's name but the 
sound of unfamiliar voices stopped her. She froze in place and 
tried to make out what was being said. It was the Bureau 39 
men, and they were trying to track the Kryptonite. It didn't 
sound as though they 'd captured Clark.

"...see that, blood." Her face fell and she had to clamp her 
own hand over her mouth to stifle a gasp. Was it Clark's? Out 
of the corner of her eye she could see the Bureau 39 men at the 
bottom of the hill. Her heart began pounding out a staccato 
rhythm. If she didn't move, in another moment they'd be able to 
see her. Trying to keep calm, she walked as quietly as she 
could in the soft grass toward the bushes that, with any luck, 
would hide her presence. From behind the shrubbery she watched 
as the two men dressed in camouflage and carrying machine guns 
and some sort of scientific equipment surveyed the area.

She strained to listen to the men over the deafening sound of 
her heart pounding in her chest. They were debating what to do 
next. 'Go away,' she thought. 'Please, just turn around and go 
away.' Unfortunately, they did no such thing. She watched in 
agonized anticipation as they followed a trail that she could 
not see. Her eyes darted along the imaginary line of their 
progression and settled upon a large boulder. She craned her 
neck, careful not to stir the bushes, and bit her lip to hold 
back the cry forming in her throat.

Behind the boulder she could make out one jean clad leg and a 
familiar hiking boot. The next few moments stretched out into 
an eternity. She heard the twigs snap and crack under the 
soldiers' heavy boots as they slowly crept toward the boulder. 
She prayed silently to whatever force cared to listen to her 
entreaties for divine intervention.

Should she cause a diversion and hope that Clark would have the 
chance to escape? She looked again at the boulder. If he were 
injured and unable to run, and she suspected that he was, her 
distraction might do no more than get both of them killed. She 
made the painful decision to wait and weigh her options. She 
heard the click of the safety and wanted to scream. To keep 
silent she bit her lip. Hard. She felt the warm, coppery 
trickle of blood in her mouth. A single tear slid down her 
face.

"Wait." Her heart stopped. "Remember our orders, no shots 
fired." Her body shuddered with relief. Without lowering his 
weapon, one of the men walked quietly around the boulder. She 
felt the bile rise in her throat.

"Identify yourself!" he barked loudly, his gun trained on the 
motionless figure behind the large rock. She heard only a faint 
moan and again resisted the temptation to call out his name. 
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" the soldier demanded 
again. She heard a groan of pain as the other soldier wrenched 
Clark to his feet. He nearly collapsed back to the ground, but 
the soldier held him up.

One of the soldier's resafetied his weapon and slung it over 
his shoulder. "You are trespassing, this is a federal 
investigation. I'm only going to ask you one more time, what 
are you doing here?" When Clark failed to answer, the soldier 
reared back and delivered a fist to his captive's stomach. 
Clark's body lurched forward but the other soldier prevented 
him from falling to the ground. Another tear slipped down her 
face and she fought back a sob.

********

The world around him spun mercilessly. His body swayed 
uncontrollably and he only remained upright through the efforts 
of his tormentors. He waited for another painful blow but it 
did not come. Instead he saw, through a pain- induced haze, the 
other soldier grab his radio.

"This is Sergeant Obermeyer, our security grid has been 
breached. I repeat, our security grid has been breached. We 
have in custody a single male, Caucasian, apparently ill and 
uncooperative. Please advise, over."

Clark couldn't make out the muffled response. "Do they want us 
to bring him back for questioning?" the soldier who was still 
holding him up asked.

"No, they want us to eliminate the breach and they don't want 
it to trace back to us. Then we're to return to base 
immediately."

"So what do we do with him?"

"Make it look like a drowning. No one will be through this part 
of the park until it opens again in the spring. Then they'll be 
lucky if they can ID the remains."

"What if he wasn't out here alone?"

"There's no one in this area for miles, and he looks friggin 
lost to me. Even if they send a search party after him, they 
won't find him for days." The soldier turned back to Clark and 
lifted his head by his hair. Clark felt a vague sense of pain 
but lacked the energy to protest.

He silently thanked the fates that the soldiers weren't going 
to search the area. That meant that Lois still had a chance. 
"Man, you screwed with the wrong people on the wrong friggin 
day," the soldier told him with a cruel smile. He watched the 
man wind up and then felt the world around him explode and 
shatter into splinters of light. Then there was darkness.

********

She felt the rain of blows as if it were her own body being 
hit. She shut her eyes when the sight became too much to bear. 
Lois knew that she ought to do something, but at the moment, 
there was little she could do. She heard their plan to make 
Clark's death look like a drowning. Her heart leapt up in her 
throat at that comment, but the rational part of her mind 
insisted that that meant that they would have to leave Clark 
alive when they dropped him in the river, or so she hoped. 
She'd debated the merits of creating a distraction by throwing 
stones or otherwise redirecting their attention elsewhere, but 
decided against it. If there were only one of them, she may 
have stood a shot, but she figured that they weren't stupid 
enough to both run off and investigate an odd noise.

Her only hope was to wait them out; doing so she risked the 
possibility of sitting idly by while they killed her best 
friend. Her whole body trembled as she quietly vacated her 
hiding spot and crept toward a large cedar closer to them. She 
forced herself to move slowly forward, crouching down in an 
attempt to remain out of sight. She managed to avoid their 
attention.

"That's enough," one of the soldiers said. "We don't need to 
beat him to death." The other soldier nodded and awkwardly 
threw Clark's motionless body over his shoulder. He staggered 
slightly under the weight but managed to carry his burden the 
few paces to the river where he promptly dropped him. Page 
Creek was extremely shallow here and Clark simply lay 
motionless where he'd been dropped.

She felt the tears blur her vision and she rubbed savagely at 
her eyes. As much as her body was trembling with fear, as much 
as her stomach was twisting itself in knots, she couldn't 
afford to let her emotions cloud her judgment. The next few 
moments seemed interminable. Her mind screamed at them to 
leave. She knew that she had a few precious minutes to help 
Clark before it was too late.

"Come on, we need to report back," one of the soldiers said. To 
her extreme relief, the two moved quickly away from the river 
and where soon out of sight and earshot. Once she was certain 
that they could no longer hear her, she ran as fast as her 
shaking legs could carry her to where Clark lay, facedown in 
the water. Without hesitation she ran into the knee-deep water 
and hooked her arms under his. Exerting all of her strength, 
she managed to drag his large body out of the water.

She stumbled awkwardly as she tried to get him onto the shore. 
Panting heavily from the effort, she dropped to her knees 
beside his still form. His lips were blue and he lay deathly 
still. Lois placed two fingers on the cold, clammy skin on his 
throat. She felt nothing. She desperately tried his wrist, but 
still found no pulse. She tilted his head back to open his 
airway, but could tell that he wasn't breathing.

She struggled to calm herself and allow her first aid training 
to come back to her. She knelt beside his torso and placed her 
fingers in the center of his chest, trying to find his sternum. 
She quickly found the right spot and with her fingers 
interlaced, she placed the heel of her hand on his chest. Arms 
straight, she pushed down with the first of fifteen 
compressions. Lois finished the cycle of compressions and 
adjusted her position to tilt back Clark's head. She pinched 
his nostrils and covered his mouth with her own, giving the 
first of two breaths. She began the cycle again, giving the 
fifteen compressions and the two breaths.

She suddenly felt Clark's body convulse under her, he coughed 
violently as she struggled to roll him onto his side. He 
coughed up water as he struggled to breathe on his own. "Thank 
God," she murmured over and over as she gripped his shoulders. 
Relief washed over her in waves.

His breathing returned to normal and he finally opened his eyes 
to look at her. She noticed that he'd lost his glasses and for 
some reason she couldn't explain, the image of him like that 
struck her as peculiar. He smiled pathetically at her. "Lois," 
he said unsteadily.

"Shhh," she replied. "Clark, you need to help me. There's no 
way that I can move you by myself. Can you try to stand?" There 
was no way that they'd get back to camp with Clark in his 
condition, but two hundred yards in the opposite direction 
there was a series of tall limestone bluffs that would provide 
them with adequate shelter until they were able to get help.

Clark nodded feebly. His whole body ached and he was painfully 
dizzy and unbelievably cold, but if Lois asked, he'd do just 
about anything, or die trying. With much effort, he first got 
to his knees and then to his feet. Lois placed a steadying arm 
around his waist and coaxed him into placing his arm around her 
shoulder. She took the brunt of his weight as they struggled 
forward.

He wanted to protest that they were going the wrong way but he 
didn't have the energy to spare. They progressed with much 
difficulty. He could tell that Lois was struggling with his 
weight, but despite his best effort, he could do nothing to 
relieve her of the burden. He was completely incapable of even 
standing on his own.

His legs felt like Jell-O and the effort needed to put one foot 
in front of the other required all of his concentration, even 
though he was spared the task of carrying his own weight. Sheer 
exhaustion forced them to stop several times. He was dizzy and 
so thankful that he didn't have to walk unassisted, 
nevertheless, he felt nauseated.

They made their way through the more densely wooded area into 
an expansive clearing. He could see the tall bluffs just ahead 
and wondered if that was where they were going. They made slow 
but steady progress, and though his body demanded that he stop, 
he summoned up strength he didn't know that he had to help Lois 
get both of them to their destination. After what seemed like 
ages, they collapsed by the tall boulders, shivering, exhausted 
and winded.

Lois was the first to stagger back to her feet. She reached 
into the zip pocket of her fleece and pulled out the phone. She 
flipped it open and cursed as water dripped out of it. She 
angrily unzipped her dripping wet fleece and tossed it to the 
ground. "I can't call for help," she explained. "I'm going back 
to camp to get what we need because we're not going anywhere 
tonight."

She started to unbutton her flannel shirt, which was still 
mostly dry, leaving her only in her t-shirt and jeans. She then 
helped him remove his drenched vest and draped her shirt over 
him. "Don't move," she instructed him. "And don't fall asleep, 
Clark. You need to stay awake. I'll be back as soon as I can." 
With that she took off running. He curled up under the thin 
flannel shirt as he tried desperately to conserve warmth. His 
eyelids began to droop. He was so very tired. He knew that 
given his condition, he shouldn't fall asleep, especially since 
he was so cold, but it required too much effort to keep his 
eyes open and it had taken all the strength he'd had to make it 
this far.

********

Lois ran faster and harder than she thought possible. It was 
growing darker still, but there was still enough light for her 
to make her way. She tore across the rough terrain, ignoring 
her aching muscles and the uncomfortable feeling of her cold, 
wet clothing sticking to her skin. She knew that she had to 
hurry. Clark was still in trouble. She knew that he was at risk 
for hypothermic reaction and that if she didn't hurry he could 
go into shock. Out of breath, she arrived at their campsite a 
few minutes later. She slung her pack over her shoulders and 
immediately started running back to Clark.

The return trip took slightly longer due to the extra burden of 
her pack, but again she ran herself to the point of exhaustion. 
She saw him leaning against the rock, slumped over, looking 
extremely pale. "Clark!" she yelled out as she approached him, 
her voice thin and fragile. "Dammit, I told you to stay awake," 
She cried almost hysterically as she dropped to her knees 
beside him and began to shake him. She knew she shouldn't have 
left him alone. God, what had she done? "Come on, Clark, wake 
up," she pleaded with him.

Sluggishly, he opened his eyes and tried to focus on her. 
"Huh?" he mumbled.

"Clark, you need to stay awake," she demanded. His head started 
to droop to one side again. Holding his face between her hands 
she commanded, "focus, Clark, right here. Come on." He 
struggled to nod. She grabbed her pack and unrolled her 
sleeping bag, all the while keeping an eye on him.

"Don't go to sleep, Clark," she warned him. She knew that she 
had to get his body temperature back up immediately. She peeled 
the now damp flannel shirt off him and grabbed the hem of his 
t-shirt.

"Lois?" He looked up at her through a haze of confusion. She 
swiftly pulled the t-shirt over his head and dropped it on the 
ground. She then began to remove his shoes and his socks. He 
protested feebly, but she continued to ignore him. She didn't 
have time to deal with his modesty. She managed to undress him 
despite the fact that he seemed both unable and unwilling to 
help.

She half helped, half dragged him into the sleeping bag, where 
he curled up in a ball, and she proceeded to remove her own wet 
clothing. The night air was sharp and merciless against her 
bare skin. Had she not been emotionally drained and still 
concerned about his health at that moment, she would have had 
to laugh at the irony of the situation. She looked at the 
sleeping bag that had clearly been designed for one and 
recalled the conversation in her apartment that had taken place 
about a million years before.

She thought about her anger at being on the receiving end of 
her best friend's good-natured teasing and wondered what she 
wouldn't give just to know that he would be okay. She slipped 
into the sleeping bag behind him, shocked at how cold his skin 
was. She was shivering and could feel the Goosebumps rising up 
on her skin. Stubbornly, she wrapped her arm around his torso 
and hugged him tightly to herself. "Don't you dare die on me, 
Clark," she whispered fiercely.

********

Clark opened his eyes slowly and was greeted by darkness. He 
blinked several times, wondering why his eyes weren't adjusting 
to the lack of light. His head was throbbing and his throat was 
painfully dry. What had happened to him? More importantly, 
where was he? He definitely wasn't in his own bed. No, he was 
enveloped in what he assumed was a sleeping bag, but why?

His left hand was pressed against his bare chest. Was he naked? 
It took him a moment to realize that he was. He then realized 
that his left hand wasn't pressed against his chest. His left 
hand was on top of another hand that was pressed against his 
chest, a hand that definitely did not belong to him. He ran his 
fingers over the soft, smooth skin of the smaller hand 
underneath his own. The fingers were slender yet strong, and 
perfectly shaped. He knew that hand. The hand connected to a 
slender and bare arm that led back to the body behind him. 
Behind him?! What on earth was going on here?

He definitely felt a warm body pressed against his back and a 
distinct lack of clothing between them. Realization crept over 
him and he smiled. Clearly, he was dreaming. That explained it. 
Though he had to admit that this dream surprised him. Clark 
Kent was no exhibitionist, and yet he was apparently dreaming 
about himself and Lois curled up together sans clothing in a 
too small sleeping bag out in the open. Well, this particular 
dream did have its merits, he admitted. It certainly was vivid, 
though he couldn't imagine why he'd dream himself up a headache 
and come to think of it, an awfully sore body.

He curled his fingers around her hand again, this time noticing 
the simple metal band around her ring finger. It was smooth and 
perfect. He realized that he was wearing one just like it on 
his own hand. He smiled. This may have been a somewhat risqu, 
fantasy, but he was still the perfect Boy Scout with the values 
that his parents had instilled in him. Of course he would 
imagine them married, that was, after all, what he'd wanted, 
what he'd hoped for desperately.

He couldn't believe how real it felt. Annoying imaginary 
headache or not, he was determined to enjoy this. He indulged 
in pretending that Lois's embrace was real, that she loved him 
the way he loved her. He knew that small body curled up around 
him was only a figment of his apparently overactive 
imagination, but for a brief while he could pretend that that 
fact didn't matter. He knew that he would eventually wake up 
alone, but what was the harm in indulging in this dream, even 
if it wasn't likely that it would ever come true?

********

Lois felt consciousness intruding in on what had not been a 
particularly restful sleep. She opened her eyes. It was light 
out, but still early. She was on her side and couldn't figure 
out why. She never slept like this. She tried to roll onto her 
back and found it impossible. Her left arm was pinned down to 
the solid mass in front of her. She tried to tug her arm free, 
but it wouldn't budge. She leaned forward experimentally and 
was shocked to feel warm bare skin against her own. Bare skin? 
Was she naked?

She was.

Oh God, and so was he! She realized that her arm was clamped 
between a large and naked torso and a large and naked arm.

What the hell had happened? She tried to collect her thoughts. 
She and Clark had been on an undercover assignment in woods. 
That explained why she was in the sleeping bag and it also 
meant that the person in the sleeping bag with her was Clark. 
She drew in a sharp breath. Had they...of course not. She 
replayed the events of the previous day in her mind. As the 
images of Clark being beaten flooded her mind she realized why 
she'd apparently been blocking them out. As she recalled how 
close he'd come to being killed, she couldn't help but tremble.

She remembered bringing him to the bluffs away from the creek, 
which must have been where they were now. He'd been 
hypothermic, which explained the shared sleeping bag and lack 
of clothes. Judging by his calm, even breathing and his warm 
skin, he definitely wasn't in shock.

She sighed, relieved. He was going to be okay. That didn't 
change one thing, though.

They were lying naked, together in a sleeping bag.

She felt her whole body go rigid as he gently squeezed her hand 
and murmured something unintelligible. Oh God, was he awake? 
She pushed herself back against the other side of the sleeping 
bag, trying to create space between them and failing miserably. 
The sleeping bag was simply too small. Her hand was pressed 
against the warm smooth skin of his chest and she felt his 
fingers become intertwined with hers as he held her hand 
tightly. Suddenly, he tensed.

He was awake.

He let go of her hand. Neither of them moved nor spoke for a 
long moment. "Lois?" he whispered.

"Mmm hmm," she replied, too startled to say anything else.

"So I am awake?" he asked.

"Yep," she replied.

"And you're really here."

"Mmm hmm."

He mumbled something. She could have sworn that he said 'I 
guess it wasn't a dream,' but she dismissed the notion. He 
started to shift.

"Don't you dare turn around," she said forcefully. Despite the 
confined space, they were managing to avoid contact wherever 
possible.

"No, of course not, I uh, I wasn't going to," he stammered.

They lapsed into uncomfortable silence. "Are you okay?" she 
asked at last.

"I've got a headache," he admitted. "And a vague memory of 
being beaten senseless."

"That pretty much sums it up," she replied. Her glib answers 
created a sort of emotional distance to make up for the lack of 
a physical one.

"And I'm guessing that I must have ended up in shock."

"Yep."

"Which means we're here because you saved my life." Silence 
reigned between them once again. "This is really awkward," he 
said after a long pause.

"Mmm hmm." She knew what came next and that it would lead to 
even more awkwardness, but it was better than staying like this 
any longer. She suppressed a sigh. "Okay, you're going to close 
your eyes, I'm going to get out and get dressed and then I'll 
leave and you get dressed."

"Okay," he agreed.

"Keep your eyes closed," she warned.

"Lois..." he started.

Before he could make his point, she carefully extricated 
herself from the sleeping bag, a task that required contact, 
however brief, between them. There was no one else around and 
they were well sheltered by the tall rocks on either side of 
them, but she still hurried to dress as quickly as possible. 
The cold sharp air was a rude change from the warmth of the 
sleeping bag. Granted, the sleeping bag hadn't exactly been 
comfortable, but it hadn't been entirely uncomfortable either, 
she mused. She firmly quashed that line of thinking as she 
pulled on her clothes.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. He had his eyes closed. 
She frowned as she noticed that the cuts and bruises on his 
face had healed very rapidly. The bruises had faded almost 
completely and the nasty gash under his eyebrow was nothing 
more than a thin red scratch. She gathered his now dry clothing 
from where it lay scattered about on the ground.

"You can open your eyes, Clark," she said. She placed the 
clothing beside the sleeping bag and promptly turned around to 
give him some privacy. She heard the sound of the sleeping bag 
rustling as he crawled out of it and proceeded to dress.

"Lois?" The sound of his voice startled her. She turned around 
to find him standing barefoot and in his rumpled clothes. He 
ran a nervous hand through his hair.

She felt an odd tingle run up and down her spine and wondered 
if her reporter's sense had misfired. She regarded him more 
carefully and decided that it definitely had not. She was 
experiencing major d,j. vu. The image of Clark lying on the 
ground the night before came back to her and she realized why 
the sight of him without his glasses and with his hair matted 
down had struck her. She stared at him, hard.

Same chin.

Same nose.

Same ears.

Same mouth.

Same warm, softly pleading, deceptive eyes.

He began to speak but she didn't hear a word he said. She 
couldn't do anything except stare at his practiced expression. 
She could see nothing but deceit in his face. Hear nothing but 
lies in his low, sonorous voice. She wanted to shut him up, 
tell him that she knew and demand a reason for his lies, but 
she held her tongue.

"...I don't know what to say. What you did for me, it was 
incredible. You saved my life. I don't know how I'm supposed to 
thank you for that."

"Forget it." She casually dismissed his thanks with a shrug. 
She knew better than to fall for that polished look of 
earnestness. She had to give him credit, though, he was a damn 
good liar. He even pretended to be a lousy liar, probably to 
deflect suspicion she figured.

He wore a stunned look on his face, another farcical response 
to her cold demeanor. Did he spend hours practicing these 
faces? Or did being Superman give him the necessary on the job 
training of how to convince people to trust you. "Lois, I will 
never forget what you've done for me," he said quietly.

She felt her resolve weaken. Damn him. There was no way she was 
going to buy his sincere and trusting act. She just had to keep 
telling herself that. She closed her eyes. "Just don't," she 
whispered. She opened her eyes, surprised to see his hurt 
expression. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but said 
nothing.

"Lois, whatever I did, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry that I put you 
in such a difficult position last night..."

"Don't apologize," she cut him off suddenly. She began stuffing 
things back into her pack to avoid having to make eye contact. 
"Look, let's just figure out what we can do about the fact that 
the Bureau 39 guys have the Kryptonite."

"How do you know they've got the Kryptonite?" Clark asked.

"Clark, if they didn't have the Kryptonite then how exactly do 
you explain what happened to you last night?" She turned around 
and began bundling up her sleeping bag so that she could ignore 
the shocked expression she was certain she would find on his 
face.

Clark felt her words as acutely as any of the blows he'd been 
dealt the day before. He felt the breath whoosh out of him and 
he needed a moment to regain some semblance of equilibrium. 
"Lois, I..." he began.

She stood up and turned around abruptly, her brow furrowed, her 
eyes hard and cold. "Don't you deny it, Clark," she said 
sharply.

He drew in a long shaky breath and swallowed hard. This clearly 
wasn't what he'd had in mind by 'the right time' but he 
supposed that what they said about even the best laid plans of 
mice and men applied equally to the plans of a superman. "I'm 
not going to deny it," he said calmly.

She regarded him suspiciously. He figured he had a tiny opening 
in which to redeem himself, a small sliver of an opportunity to 
make things right and that if he didn't move now, it would shut 
forever and he'd be left to curse his own idiocy. It was time 
to step up, tell the truth and take whatever came his way. 
"First of all, yes, I am Superman," he explained. "And I'll 
answer all of your questions, starting with no, the soldiers 
don't have the Kryptonite."

"Then what happened to you? And where is it?" she demanded.

"I have the Kryptonite."

"You what? Are you crazy, or just plain stupid, Clark? No wait, 
don't answer that."

He sighed, not sure of the answer himself; perhaps he simply 
had a death wish, or was a masochist. "It's in the pocket of my 
fleece."

"You're carrying the one thing that can kill you around in your 
pocket?!" she balked at his seemingly asinine response.

"It's wrapped up in lead so it's completely harmless, but I 
still managed to lose my powers before I could wrap it up," he 
explained. "The Bureau 39 guys found me right after I found it, 
just bad luck, I guess. The lead foil probably blocked the 
radiation and kept them from discovering the Kryptonite."

"So what are you going to do with it?"

He shrugged. "Wait til my powers come back, then throw it into 
the sun maybe."

"I worked with you for over a year, and never noticed. How 
stupid could I possibly be?"

"You are not stupid..."

"Don't worry," she said bitterly. "I'm not going to ask you why 
you didn't tell me the truth."

"Lois..." he began.

"No, I get it, Clark. It's your secret, you decide whom you 
trust with it..."

"Lois, if you could just..."

"I mean, why should you tell me, I'm just your partner..."

"...give me a second to..."

"...and I thought your friend..."

"Enough!" he shouted at last. "This will get us nowhere if both 
of us are talking and neither of us listening." She glared at 
him. Even if he hadn't been vulnerable at that time, he would 
have known enough to be afraid of that angry stare. That he did 
know enough to be afraid was entirely academic since nothing in 
the world was going to stop him from saying what he had to say 
next.

"What I was trying to say is that I was going to tell you." She 
rolled her eyes at him and he sighed inwardly. "I know that you 
would expect me to say that to cover my butt, but it is the 
truth. I decided yesterday that I couldn't keep lying to you, 
not if I ever expected you to trust me again. And besides, I 
just couldn't stomach it anymore. I was tired of lying and I 
didn't see any point to it.

"I hope that one day you'll understand and that you'll forgive 
me for not telling you the truth sooner, but I wanted you to 
know the truth either way, even if you never want to speak to 
me again."

"Why should I believe you, Clark? You've been lying to me for 
over a year."

"Because if I wanted to, I could stop right now, and pretend 
that that was the end of it, that that was all I had decided to 
tell you. But it isn't. I decided yesterday not to tell you 
part of the truth, but the whole truth, everything, so that I'd 
never have to lie to you again."

"You're saying there's more than just the fact that you are 
Superman?"

He nodded gravely. "And I'm so much more afraid to tell you 
this next part, because I know that it might destroy our 
friendship permanently, but I couldn't live with myself if I 
misled you again. I need to tell you the truth and let you 
decide what you want to do about it. And if you decide that you 
don't want anything to do with me ever again, I'll turn around 
and leave and you'll never have to see me again, I promise.

"Lois, what I told you in the park that day wasn't a lie. The 
retraction was." His heart crept up in his throat as he bared 
his soul to her. He looked her straight in the eyes as he 
continued. "I am now, I was then, and I always have been, 
completely in love with you."

She took a step backward, her back pressed up against one of 
the boulders. He took a step toward her, but she closed her 
eyes and turned her head, hoping that he would stop, give her 
space and not try to force her to deal with the information 
right now. Somehow, implicitly, she knew that he would. She 
didn't know why she knew, why she trusted him to respect her 
feelings, why she continued to regard him as the same Clark 
Kent that she'd thought she'd known. He'd stopped moving. She 
felt a single tear slip down her cheek.

"I never meant to hurt you," he whispered. "But that's all I've 
managed to do."

She wiped the tear away, and without looking at him said, "we 
still have a job to do." She brushed past him and picked up her 
pack.

"Lois, please, wait." She could hear the concern in his voice.

"Clark, I can't deal with this now. I don't know how I feel or 
what to say. It's like I don't know you anymore. I don't even 
know what to call you. I just...I can't deal with this."

"I'm still Clark," he said gently. "I always have been. 
Superman is just a way for me to help others. I wish I'd told 
you everything earlier, but you have to know that I'm not the 
only person whose life would be ruined if the fact that I'm 
Superman became public knowledge. This secret is as much my 
parents' secret as it is mine."

He scrubbed his hand through his hair. "I do trust you, Lois. I 
have for a long time. But deciding when to tell you the truth 
wasn't easy. I've never told anyone about myself, not my 
friends growing up, or a girlfriend, or anyone. I've kept this 
secret my entire life, and you were the person that I wanted to 
tell, I just screwed it up and didn't tell you soon enough."

"It all makes sense, really," she admitted. "But that doesn't 
mean that it doesn't hurt. There was a time when I would have 
bet my life that you were different, that you were the last 
honest man in the world, and that you would never lie to me. 
Being wrong has never hurt so much before." She let out a 
ragged breath and saw the look of anguish on his face.

He reached out a hesitant hand toward her but quickly stopped. 
He withdrew the hand and curling it into a fist, allowed it to 
drop by his side. He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said.

"I know," she replied. "But I need time to sort everything out 
and I can't do it now."

"Okay," he whispered hoarsely.

He was quiet while she went through her plan aloud. Things were 
just easier when she had something constructive to do, like 
catching bad guys and bagging exclusives. They agreed that they 
would have to go back to their campsite to get the rest of 
their things, and then find some way to contact Perry so that 
he could anonymously tip off the local PD with the evidence he 
found along with the Bureau 39 team's whereabouts. Then they 
could head back to the canyon to get the exclusive story on the 
arrest of the officers in charge.

"Are you going to be up for it?" she asked as she scrutinized 
him carefully.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he assured her. "My injuries have pretty 
much healed and I'm up to human strength. I figure my powers 
will probably be back tomorrow."

She shook her head slightly, as if the information was too much 
to process. "Are you sure that your powers will come back?"

He shrugged as if unconcerned. "They did the other times I was 
exposed to Kryptonite." He finished lacing up his hiking boots.

She frowned pensively. "When we were in Smallville, right?" she 
asked. He nodded. "So when were the other times?"

He rubbed absently at the back of his neck. "There was only one 
other time after that," he said. "It was the day before your 
wedding. Lu...Lex set a trap for Superman. He got me into a 
cage with Kryptonite coated bars."

"And that's why you were missing, why Perry didn't know where 
you were..." The knowledge that her former fianc, had tried to 
kill Clark hit her with merciless force. "Lex tried to...he 
almost..."

Clark simply nodded. "I managed to get out a few minutes before 
you saw me. That's why Superman couldn't save him, I didn't 
have my powers."

"Every time I think I've learned the worst about him, seen the 
depths to which his evilness extended..." She shook her head. 
"How could I have been so blind, so stupid? He could have 
killed you," her voice wavered slightly.

"Lois, you couldn't have known..."

She steadied herself emotionally. "You said it yourself, Clark. 
I'm an investigative reporter, I should have investigated. I 
should have known."

"He fooled the entire world, not just you. He was a master at 
it. You had...a blind spot when it came to him, but that 
doesn't change the fact that you're the most brilliant person I 
know and the best reporter in Metropolis."

"A blind spot that apparently extended to Superman as well," 
she said, a touch of anger seeping through her controlled 
faŘade. "I mean, you think that at some point I'd realized that 
no one is who they claim to be. That everyone has an agenda."

"I hope you don't mean that," he said quietly. "Not everyone is 
out to screw the world, Lois."

"Oh?"

"I deceived you, Lois, I admit it. But I didn't do it because I 
derived some sick pleasure out of it. I didn't want to 
manipulate you, Lois."

"But you didn't want to tell me who you were or how you felt."

"And you don't think there could be any reason for that other 
than sheer malice?"

"I don't know."

"People aren't always honest about who they really are or how 
they feel."

"People are never honest about who they are."

"And maybe it's not because they intend to hurt others. Maybe 
it's because, maybe it's that..." He let out a frustrated sigh.

"Maybe it's what, Clark?" she demanded.

"Maybe it's because they're afraid. Afraid of being rejected. 
Afraid that their feelings won't be returned. Afraid that 
they'll lose everything." He cast his gaze downward.

She knew that if she paid attention, if she truly listened to 
what he was saying, that she'd be able to hear the years of 
isolation and loneliness in his voice, the accumulation of 
fears of rejection and a desperate, persistent longing to 
finally belong somewhere. But it was as if her heart had grown 
hard. At that moment, she could understand nothing except the 
betrayal that she'd experienced. It was as if she'd become so 
selfish as to be unaware of anything except the pain she was 
trying in vain to ignore. "And everything they had, everything 
they're afraid to lose, what's it worth without trust?" She 
didn't wait for an answer. Instead, she turned and began to 
walk back toward the campsite. She heard his footsteps behind 
her as he began to follow.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the nearby site where 
they'd planned to spend the previous night. She watched his 
silent movements, noticing how he'd been giving her a wide 
berth. Perhaps he was trying to respect the distance that she 
surely wanted. How had they gone from being best friends to 
this? How had he gone from being the most important person in 
her life to being the object of her anger? She shook her head 
wearily. She didn't want to hate Clark. Some stubborn, foolish 
and sentimental part of her wanted to believe that he loved 
her, that he would never again hurt her or lie to her. Surely 
his confessions today had to prove that to some degree? But if 
there was one thing Lois Lane had learned in life it was that 
everyone you depend on will one day let you down. So why on 
earth was she having such a difficult time applying that logic 
to Clark?

As they gathered up the equipment, Lois tossed Clark a couple 
of Powerbars. "There's no time to make anything now," she 
explained. "And you haven't had anything to eat since yesterday 
afternoon."

"Thanks," he replied with a weak smile as he unwrapped the 
shiny foil around the bar. "The closest working phone is 
probably at the station by the reservoir. The fastest way there 
is straight up and over the hills, but it's a tough hike."

"I'm up for it if you are," she replied.

"Then let's go."

********

He adjusted the straps on his pack, now having to concern 
himself with whether or not the weight was properly 
distributed. Each time he was without his powers he learned to 
appreciate them a little more. The hike up the hill was more of 
a scramble. He fell a step behind his partner, wanting to 
remain behind if she lost her footing, even though without his 
powers he couldn't guarantee that he'd be able to prevent her 
from being injured. With deft, even graceful movements, she 
made her way up the side of the steeply sloped hill. She didn't 
even seem winded. He concentrated more fully on his own path 
upward, needing to put more effort into maintaining his balance 
than he'd had to in years. It wasn't that he was in poor shape 
and couldn't make the hike without his powers, he just needed 
time to adjust to having to put more effort into the activity.

He'd estimated that it would be about an hour's hike to the top 
of the hill. From there they would continue down the other side 
and eventually their path would connect with the trail that led 
to the reservoir. They continued up the path in quiet. The sun 
crept higher up in the sky and he felt the first drops of 
perspiration forming on his face and neck.

She set a steady pace, nothing too difficult to keep up with, 
but they were definitely making good time. They reached the top 
and he took a moment to study the view. He could see for miles 
in every direction from here. The leaves on the deciduous trees 
were just starting to change their colors and there wasn't a 
cloud in the sky. Before he could get a chance to properly 
enjoy the cool breeze that stirred the air, he noticed that 
Lois had already begun her way down the other side. With a 
rueful grin, he jogged a few paces to catch up with her.

"I don't want to sound condescending," he began. "But for a 
city kid, you really know what you're doing."

"Well, I guess it's because I've had plenty of experience," she 
explained evenly without turning to look at him. She quickened 
her pace a bit as the trail dissipated into chaos. Walking 
directly in front of him now, she continued, "my father loves 
to fly fish. I knew that and I wanted nothing more than to make 
him proud of me, to make him love me, so I used to beg him to 
take me with him."

She turned slightly to maintain her balance on the steep and 
uneven ground, carefully edging down the slope. "Maybe it was 
guilt for years of neglect, or maybe he was just tired of me 
asking, but he started taking me. There we were, with nothing 
in common and nothing to talk about, a thirteen year old girl 
desperately seeking the approval of a father, and a man who 
couldn't love his daughter because she wasn't the son he'd 
always wanted. I couldn't make my father love me, and I 
couldn't keep him from leaving."

Clark's heart ached for her. He knew that she'd been estranged 
from her father, but couldn't fathom what it must have been 
like, believing that her own father didn't love her. It wasn't 
hard to see that she still felt that way. He felt a brief flash 
of anger toward Sam Lane. What kind of a man would alienate his 
child that way? It made less sense given what a wonderful 
person Lois was, although he had to admit a certain amount of 
bias there. He could easily see Lois trying so hard to win his 
approval, to be the best just so that her father would be proud 
of her. Was that why she was so competitive? Did she still feel 
the need to win the approval of others by being the best?

She stepped carefully over a felled tree. "And then let's see, 
there was my boyfriend freshman year in college, Derek. He was 
really into white water rafting, hiking, whatever. He broke up 
with me when I wouldn't sleep with him. And you know about 
Claude. He insisted on taking me rock climbing." She pushed 
aside the dense brush that blocked the path downward. "Of 
course, he broke up with me after I slept with him." She 
recited the information flatly, emotionlessly.

Clark stopped walking, an almost physical pain welling up in 
his soul. "Lois, I'm..."

"Sorry, I know," she finished for him, still walking. "But 
there isn't any reason for you to be. I know this is going to 
sound absurd, Clark, but I don't regret my past." She stopped 
and turned around to look at him. He couldn't read her 
expression, but there was a certain earnestness in her eyes. "I 
wouldn't wish it on anyone else, and I'm mad at myself because 
it took me so long to finally learn from it, but I am who I am 
because of what I've done and what I've been through. Being 
hurt made me learn to be strong. I don't regret how I turned 
out so I can't regret what made me this way."

Her words made painful sense, but that didn't stop him from 
wanting to gather her in his arms and hold her until the hurt 
he knew was buried inside went away. He wanted more than 
anything to comfort her, or more precisely, to have been able 
to go back in time to provide comfort to a little girl who 
needed to know that she was special and worthy of love because 
of who she was, not what she accomplished.

He thought back on his own childhood and how even when he felt 
alone, terrified, and alienated, there was not one but two 
pairs of strong arms to gather him into a warm embrace and hold 
him. There were two people who loved him more than anything, 
who would always be there for him, and would protect him from 
harm. Every child needed that. He felt a slight quiver in his 
throat and the renewed tightening in his chest. He couldn't 
bear to think of her in pain. He mourned for a pain that he was 
powerless to have eased.

She frowned at him and shook her head. "I guess that was a lot 
more than you wanted to know." She began to turn around to 
continue.

He scrubbed a hand through his hair, fumbling to find the words 
to say what he needed to say. "I wanted to ask you, and I know 
it might be none of my business, so I'll understand if you 
don't want to answer, but...you don't believe me when I tell 
you that I love you, do you? You don't believe in love, Lois, 
do you?"

She turned back toward him. "You mean like head over heels and 
happily ever after? No, I don't. It's a nice idea, a fairy 
tale, like Superman, but not real. I never told you why I fell 
in love with Superman, did I? It's because deep down, I guess 
I've always known that Superman wasn't real. He was perfect, 
and defied reality, just like love. I could love him because 
neither he nor love existed in the real world. So long as I 
didn't really know Superman, he was perfect, and as long as he 
was perfect, he was safe to love."

He grimaced. "And then you found out how imperfect Superman 
really was. Lois, what I did that night was horrible and 
inexcusable, and I didn't mean it. I know that it doesn't make 
it right. I should have told you then, I should have told you 
my suspicions about Luthor. You would have believed Superman, 
even if you didn't believe Clark."

"Under the circumstances, I think you were entitled to get 
angry."

"I was hurt, but that doesn't justify the way I lashed out. 
What I said was just plain cruel. I don't know what came over 
me, but the lead lined robe crack, you have to know that I 
never, that I would never..."

She nodded unconvincingly, effectively cutting him off. "But 
then I told you that even if you were an ordinary man, I'd love 
you just the same, even though I'd just finished telling that 
ordinary man that I couldn't love him. Whatever you said, I 
deserved and much more."

"No you didn't."

"No matter how blind I seemed at that moment, I knew that what 
I was saying was the truth. You see, because Superman was 
perfect, and because that meant that he could never hurt me, he 
could never be an ordinary man. No ordinary man can be perfect, 
Clark, and so I never had to think about loving an ordinary 
man. I was incapable of it. I couldn't risk loving someone who 
would hurt me; perfect men don't hurt people. Imperfect men 
seem to make a habit of it.

"I know that isn't fair, but then you have to know that you're 
the most dangerous man I've ever met. If I've let myself be 
hurt by men like my father and Claude, men whose opinions 
shouldn't have mattered at all, what happens when someone I 
actually care about hurts me?"

"So you're just going to assume that everyone who loves you 
will one day let you down?" he asked, trying to conceal the 
bitterness he felt. His anger wasn't directed at her, but at 
those who had hurt her so much that she'd grown cold.

"Don't tell me how to live my life, Clark!"

"Fine, then tell me what it will take for you to believe me 
when I say I love you."

She looked at him for a long moment and then shook her head 
sadly. She turned away from him. "When you told me you didn't 
love me, it hurt. It hurt to know that you'd deceived me. But 
at the same time, I was...relieved, I guess. Because if you 
really had loved me, and I'd not only turned you down, but had 
then agreed to marry the one man you hated, that would have 
made me no better than Claude or my father."

"Lois, never say that."

"Don't try to sugarcoat it, Clark. I don't need to be protected 
from the truth." She turned to look at him with sheer 
conviction and determination in her eye. "You can't possibly 
love me. How can anyone love someone so thoroughly unlovable?"

He drew in a sharp, startled breath. "How could you possibly 
think that?"

She tilted her chin up defiantly. "So I guess you want to know 
why I accepted Lex's proposal?" She didn't answer his question. 
"I don't think I have to tell you that it was never about love. 
I guess on some twisted, Freudian level that it was nice to be 
admired by someone as well respected as Lex. Whatever he 
claimed, he never loved me, he may have convinced himself 
otherwise, but he couldn't have