By Kathy Brown <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted June 2002
Summary: When the people of Metropolis find Lois guilty of murder in the episode "The People vs. Lois Lane," Clark is stunned and outraged — but he's not about to go down without a fight! An "Episode Extension Challenge" comedy vignette.
Another 30-minute Episode Extension Challenge Fic: The People -v- Lois Lane
OK, I couldn't help myself … I did another one. I still probably went over 30 minutes, but I was having too much fun to stop. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. <g>
All comments welcome and appreciated. :)
"Lois Lane, the people of the city of Metropolis find you guilty of murder in the first degree."
As Clark listened to the judge read the verdict, he felt positively ill. His stomach, which had already been tied in knots, lurched violently. This couldn't be happening. Lois was innocent! He had put his faith in the justice system and it had failed him. The case against her had been ludicrous; there was no way anyone could believe she was guilty. This was wrong … wrong! But what could he do?
Clark jumped to his feet and tried to reach his wife, tears pricking against his eyes as he saw the fear in hers. She had turned to him, a desperate look on her face, but was reluctantly allowing herself to be handcuffed and led away through the front of the courtroom.
Suddenly, Clark knew what he had to do. Breaking free of the guards who were trying to hold him back, Clark lunged through the crowd and made his way to the middle of the floor in front of the judge's bench.
"NOW, HOLD ON A MINUTE HERE!" he shouted, waving his arms.
Everyone in the courtroom stopped what they were doing, and turned to him in amazement. Even Lois looked surprised.
"Mr. Kent?" the judge asked with a roll of his eyes. "What do you think you're doing?"
"This is crazy!" Clark exclaimed, looking around to include everyone in the room in his comments. "How could you possibly have found her guilty? This episode has plot holes so big you could drive a truck through them!"
The judge was not impressed. "Oh, really? And what might those be?"
Certain that he had everyone's attention, Clark began to pace in front of the bench. "OK, first of all, that video that Sheila Danko took? You could plainly see that Lois's finger wasn't even on the trigger! How did the gun go off? How could anyone not notice??" The crowd began to murmur animatedly, and the judge immediately pounded his gavel. "Order! Order, I say, or I'll throw you all out! And they're serving pickle loaf in the cafeteria today, so trust me, you'd rather be here." Satisfied that the people were settling back down, he turned to Clark. "Well, that might be, Mr. Kent, but your wife did have a defense attorney … it was her job to bring this stuff up."
It was Clark's turn to roll his eyes. "Oh, *plu-eze*! She's Whitley from 'A Different World', for goodness sakes! Now, granted, I liked that show quite a bit when it was on — I always thought Dwayne was funny and I loved how he stopped her wedding to that other guy … I was planning to do that at Lois's wedding to Lex Luthor, but I was a bit indisposed at the time and couldn't get upstairs — but while she might have a great reputation as a defense attorney, it's clearly not deserved. She hardly even cross-examined anyone! Well, except for Perry and we all know how *that* turned out. In fact, I think we want our money back."
En masse, the crowd turned to the defense attorney, who was quickly sinking down in her chair, looking mighty embarrassed.
The judge cleared his throat. "Well, um, that is true … but if that's all you have—"
"Are you kidding? I'm just getting warmed up!" Clark indicated the police officers who were now frantically consulting with the very nervous District Attorney. "What about the fact that Lois was seen with a gun, trying to kill Sheila Danko, when the police know full well that she never left the house?"
The District Attorney jumped up out of his chair. "We have witnesses!"
"Oh, really?" Clark shot back, "So you can explain to me why, after we'd been tailed and harassed for days by court appointed officers, they happened to just conveniently disappear when it came time for Lois to supposedly leave the house?"
"We didn't leave!" one of the officers protested. "We had your house surrounded the entire time!"
"Exactly!" Clark trilled triumphantly. "So how was it that you missed Lois not only sneaking *out* of the house in the middle of the day to find Sheila Danko, but also sneaking back *in*, which is where she was when you came to arrest her?"
"Uh … er, well …"
Clark looked pleased. "And how is it that Superman's testimony was completely discounted when he said that it wasn't Lois at all in the alley that day with the gun, that it was a hologram of some sort which walked right through him when he stood in her path?"
The District Attorney smiled a smile so oily one of the officers next to him slipped out of his chair and fell to the floor. "Well, we all know that Superman is in *love* with Lois Lane," he drawled, "so clearly he was lying."
"So if Superman lies on the witness stand, I guess that means the city needs to throw out all the criminals his testimony has put away in the last 3 1/2 years, huh? How many has it been … four .. five thousand?"
Everyone in the courtroom blanched.
"Oh, well, we didn't say *that*," the judge fumbled, looking at the District Attorney in a panic.
The District Attorney wiped his brow. "No, no, I didn't say that … I mean, after all, it would be a disaster for my campaign if the people found out that I allowed that many criminals to be put back on the street." He looked nervously around the courtroom. "But no one is going to tell anyone, right?"
Every reporter in the room made a dive for their cell phones.
Clark began to stalk in front of the bench. "And, of course, there is the matter of a murder case being pushed through the courts in a matter of days instead of months or years. What's up with *that*?"
The judge looked defensive. "I had a break in my schedule."
Clark shrugged. "Well, if you say so … but it sure sounds like collusion to me … definitely seems like something my newspaper should look into—"
"Wait!" the judge exclaimed. "I've heard enough." He picked up his gavel. "Lois Lane, I am reversing the decision of the court. I am finding you not—"
In that moment, however, a young woman dressed in a royal blue shirt bearing the Superman emblem on the front and the words "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" on the back came up to Clark and whispered in his ear.
Clark looked up in surprise and murmured, "You're kidding? Let me see." The woman handed him a stack of multi-colored papers, which Clark instantly began to thumb through. His eyes got wider and wider, then a smile began to grow on his face. "Really?" he asked her. "I break her out?" He flipped through some more pages and grinned. "A hotel room!" He looked up at Lois. "Hey, honey, come over here a second … you gotta see this."
Lois, who had been watching silently from the front of the courtroom, walked over to her husband, her hands still cuffed behind her back. "Clark, sweetheart, you're doing great, but do you have to stop right now?" She jerked her head to indicate the judge. "I think he was about to set me free."
"But you'll want to see this … look." Clark fanned out the pages so Lois could see. "We've got some great dialogue! Look how poignant the beginning is … and then I get to break you out and we go on the lam. How fun!"
Lois nodded. "Well, I can't argue there … oh, look, a hotel room!" She grinned at her husband. "We never did have an out of town honeymoon."
Clark waggled his eyebrows. "And I get to watch you change clothes — twice!"
"Ooo, and we dive under the covers! This might not be too bad!"
"Look at all the humor! And we get to do that talking-over- each-other thing that everyone loves!"
"Does that say a red wig? I've always wanted to wear a long red wig …"
"And I've always wanted to rough up a District Attorney …"
"And then we catch the bad guy, blah, blah, blah …"
"And then we get to go home and *bond* some more." Clark shot her a teasing leer.
"Ooo, I like this!" Lois squealed. "OK, I'm in."
"Cool; me too."
The judge finally interceded, clearly annoyed by the interruption. "Excuse me, I was about to render a verdict here. Do you *mind*?"
Clark looked at Lois for final approval and she nodded. "Um, actually, Your Honor," Clark answered, "we do. We've changed our minds. You can find Lois guilty."
"Well, it's just that now we know what comes next and we've decided that although this particular episode is crap, the one that follows it is really, really good, so we think we'd like to have that one after all."
"You're kidding, right?"
Clark shook his head. "Nope, not kidding." He flicked his hands. "Carry on. My bad."
The judge gave a long suffering sigh, then nodded to the guards.
Hesitating for only a moment, the guards quickly descended upon Lois and took her by the arms.
Clark gave Lois a quick kiss as she was pulled back to the front of the courtroom. "Bye, honey, see you soon."
"OK, Clark, I love you."
"Love you, too," he said sweetly.
As Lois was led through the door, she carefully changed her smile to a look of desperation, and held her husband's eye as long as she could.
Clark felt his breath quicken and his heart sink. As his family and friends all moved around to comfort him and express their outrage over the verdict, he felt only panic and despair. He tried to reach his wife, tears pricking at his eyes when he saw the fear in hers, but he couldn't get close. And then she was gone.
THE END <bg>
All comments welcome and appreciated at <email@example.com>. :)