That Dear Clark of Mine By Katie Sizer Rated: PG-13 Submitted November 2002 ____________________ First of all, a huge thank you goes to my wonderful beta- readers for this story, Wendy Richards, Sarah Luddy and LabRat. You guys are all amazing! :) Your help and enthusiastic comments were more helpful than I can say. I remember sending the first six pages or so of this to Wendy, and I dare say that without her input and kind words, this story wouldn't have ever been written further than that! A special mention also goes to Helene for giving me some very useful information and helping me out of a situation which had me totally stumped! Thank you, H! And many thanks to all the readers on Zoomway's message boards who posted some lovely feedback throughout the posting of this story! This story is set during TOGOM. (Yes, another one. ) A quick point to note; the Planet celebrations are a couple of days later, just to tie in with everything else. All feedback is invited and appreciated at katie_sizer@blueyonder.co.uk *** That Dear Clark of Mine "Clark, this place is crawling with gangsters!" Lois exclaimed as Clark returned from talking to Bonnie. "I know," he replied. "We'd better get out of here and call the police so they can come and arrest them now, before they escape." "But won't they find it suspicious that we're leaving so soon after we've arrived? What if they try to detain us?" Lois wondered aloud. "We have to take that chance, Lois," he told her. "If we don't leave with this information, we won't know where they're headed next. Whereas if we go now, the police can come and arrest them here." "Okay," she said, growing determined. Clark was right; they had to get out with their information now. As they prepared to leave the illegal gambling club to call the police, the door suddenly burst open, the gangsters and their thugs making their way in. Dillinger fired a shot into the air, getting the attention of everyone in the club. Shocked murmurs filled the air, the sound of frightened people getting louder until a gunshot tore through the air, cutting through the commotion. The crowd instantly silenced and took a respectful step back from Dillinger as he lowered his gun with a smile. There were a few shocked murmurs here and there, but most people silenced immediately, the gunfire halting them. "My apologies, ladies and gentlemen, for this little interruption," a distinct voice rang out. It was Capone. "I just came by to announce that Georgie Hairdo has wisely decided to retire from the hospitality business." He paused, taking a drag of his cigar. "So from now on, this club belongs to Al Capone." Lois held her breath -- the intrusion by Al Capone and his gangsters was certainly unexpected. He was becoming more and more difficult to control. She and Clark had to get these people inside a cell before they did any more damage, much as the thought worried her. It was obvious they weren't averse to using their weapons. She eyed the gangsters and suddenly saw Dillinger staring intently at her. He inched ever so slightly closer, a leering look appearing on his face. "Hey Al, how about we name this little cutie our new head hostess?" he suggested, smirking. "You know, I always was partial to a lady in red." He moved his hand up to her face and ran it down her cheek. As Lois began to turn her head away, she saw Clark's own hand come up to push Dillinger's away from her face. She sighed with relief -- being groped by Dillinger was something she certainly didn't want. Repulse grew at the thought of him touching her and she gave an involuntary shudder. She could tell that Dillinger was enjoying himself in making her uncomfortable. "Leave her alone," she heard him say. She knew he was pushing Dillinger to the edge and hoped he wouldn't try and go any further. It was very sweet of Clark to stick up for her, but what made him think he could win a fight against a group of gangsters armed with several guns? "Who are you?" he asked Clark, a look on his face that told her he was surprised Clark had even dared to challenge him. "Her big brother?" Dillinger reached towards her and she shied back slightly, away from his touch. She saw Clark advance towards him and knew he was putting himself in danger too much. Dillinger already seemed to have had enough of Clark and now the look on his face made it plain that he wasn't going to stand for any more. Seeing him continue to move towards Dillinger, she suddenly felt greater fear for him, and shouted out, "Clark, no!" But it was too late. She saw Clyde reach for his gun, and a million things ran through her mind in mere milliseconds. He was going to kill Clark. There was no way she could let that happen. Not having any time available to think, even breathe, she threw herself in front of Clark, just as a single gunshot rang out. An acute pain instantly ran through her, but she knew Clark was okay. If she could just make it through the blinding white light that was already starting to overtake her. But it did and she fell backwards to the floor, landing hard. Everything overwhelmed her and the thoughts darted through her head like lightning, barely giving her time to process things. At this range, there was no way Clyde would have missed getting a fatal shot in. Without acting, he would have died and all because he'd been trying to protect her. And she'd have been forced to watch him being dragged away, knowing she'd killed him. Her best friend. The person she... the person she loved. The person she loved. With that final thought, her body became no longer able to fight off unconsciousness and her eyes slowly flickered shut, the world around her becoming a blur of sound. *** The shot blasted and Clark watched Lois fall to the floor, seemingly in slow motion. At first she seemed okay; her eyes slowly moved around, trance-like. But as the reaction obviously set in, her eyes closed and her body fell limp, a small moan emitting from her. She lay still, and although he could see that she was breathing, it was very weak. What had he done to her? Why had he let her dash in front of him? And most of all, more important than anything, he hadn't been able to save her. Fear for her life had him frozen to the spot. Fear that might have actually killed his best friend. The scene replayed itself through his head without warning and he found himself unable to shake the thoughts away, forced to watch the movie of Lois being shot, each time with new feelings arousing. He tried to focus but found himself unable to remove the scene... As Dillinger still continued to harass Lois, despite his warning, Clark knew he had to protect Lois from that... from that animal. As he moved towards Dillinger, he saw Clyde in the background, his gun at the ready and wondered what he'd do if he were shot. Would he be able to cover it over and say he missed? But at such close range, there was no way it'd be a plausible story. But that didn't matter. Dillinger had upset Lois and obviously thought he could do it as much as he wanted while still getting away with it. But suddenly, the flash of Lois rushing in front of him interrupted all his conscious thought. What on earth was she doing? She was going to get shot! He didn't have time to think as he saw Clyde's finger go for the trigger. It had all happened in a millisecond -- Lois had rushed out from behind him in almost the same instant as Clyde pulled the trigger. He had to get Lois away from there, but suddenly he felt fear for her paralyse him. As much as he told his limbs to move, to use his super strength to push Lois away, he couldn't manage it. His eyes fixed on Clyde's fingers, which were held tightly in place on the trigger. He saw the first sight of blood appear on Lois and wanted to tear himself apart for having been frozen on the spot. For still being frozen on the spot... even now she was lying on the floor and he was standing beside her, helpless. Something told him that he should drop down beside her, cradle her, but his legs were still paralysed, unable to believe what had just happened. "You moron! What did you do that for?" Capone questioned, shaking his head. "Let's get out of here. And take the stiff. I can't afford to be linked to a murder." "No!" Clark yelled, finally falling to the floor over Lois's body as a desperate attempt to protect her. The thugs that had already begun to gather around Lois's still body pushed Clark away with no hesitation and proceeded to drag her across the floor and out of the club as if she were a rag doll. He heard the voices of the gangsters all around him but they only got back to him as muffled, insignificant sounds. He only came out of his trance when he saw the thugs begin to move with Lois, pulling her roughly over the hard floor, not caring if they knocked her against something. As he watched them drag he away, he instantly jumped to his feet. He had to get out of there and follow her. What if they dumped her body somewhere and he didn't find her in time to get her to a hospital? What if... what if she ended up lying alone in the cold and darkness, desperately hoping for help that never came? He couldn't let that happen to her! He rushed to the door of the club, but was held back by the gangsters. One of their faces stood out to him -- Dillinger. A smug grin was plastered on his face; he obviously had no remorse for what had happened to Lois. But why would he? He was a murderer; nothing mattered to him, least of all the fact that Clyde had just shot Lois because of him. Clark met Dillinger's stare, resisting the urge to say something to him. He was desperate to get out of the club and follow the car that Lois was in. "Excuse me," he said calmly. They let him pass, obviously seeing no need to hold him there further. He rushed past them and out into the night, tears running freely down his face as he realised the car had already set off. *** Once outside, Clark stumbled round the corner, making sure he wasn't in view of anybody else. However, they were all inside anyway, so he was safe. Quickly, he spun into his suit and flew off into the night air. He quickly tuned his enhanced vision to look for the distinctive car of the gangsters, but when he didn't immediately find anything, his mind began to wander again to the scene in the club. Why hadn't he saved her? He had the strength, the power, and the speed to have reached that bullet before it hit her, even if it did mean everyone finding out he was Superman. That was nowhere near as important as Lois's life. But no. He'd stood still and watched and the gun was fired. He should have made himself move, instead of standing there like a deer in headlights. He had to find Lois. She'd still been breathing when she was dragged out of the club. At least there was the chance that she wasn't dead! He found new hope; if he could find her, there was every chance she would be okay. But... what happened if the thugs had noticed she was still breathing? Or that the shot wasn't in a fatal place? They'd surely finish the job Dillinger started! It was imperative that he find her as soon as possible. He shuddered as the thought of a life without Lois flashed before him. And to make the hell it would be worse, he'd forever have to live with the guilt of knowing he should have saved her. Heck, she shouldn't have even been shot in the first place! The bullet had been meant for him. She'd dived in front of him and taken his bullet, regardless of her own life. And if the bullet hadn't killed her, then there was no reason why they wouldn't kill her before they dumped her body. All his fault. The words continued to run through his head with new fervour. He tried to tell himself, thoughts formed from desperation, that she would be okay. Surely he'd find her and be able to revive her! But the voice at the back of his head remained, questioning what would happen if he couldn't find her, or he got there too late. What if she lay bleeding to death in some dirty alleyway? He couldn't possibly allow that to happen to her. He loved her so much he ached inside just looking at her, and now that he didn't know where she was or even if she was still alive, the ache turned into a blinding pain. The thought that he might never see Lois again, never laugh, argue with or comfort her again felt worse than if he had been exposed to Kryptonite. How could he possibly live the rest of his life knowing that he'd killed the woman he loved? True, he hadn't been the one with the gun, but she'd done everything for him. She'd only dived in front of him to protect him and he hadn't saved her. He hadn't used his super speed to stop her from receiving the bullet from Clyde Barrow's gun. Lois. For all he knew, Lois's life could already be over. He cursed himself for being so selfish and thinking how it would affect him. How he would feel for the rest of his life, what he would do. What about her life? The flight continued and he continued to use his x-ray vision to survey the area for her. It was strange, he found, that he could still be thinking about Lois constantly and concentrate on the search. As he approached the harbour, an area that would make a very good dumping ground, he flew lower down, trying to find either the car or the car tracks, but to no avail. He could only assume that she hadn't been dumped yet. He looked down on the city, the city in which he made rescues every day, a city filled with people that called him 'Superman'. But he knew he was no Superman. How could he be when he'd allowed his best friend and the woman that he loved to be shot? He saved total strangers every day, and yet he'd possibly let Lois be killed. Tears sprang to his eyes and he blinked them back, telling himself strongly that he was assuming the worst. It was hard to be positive, though, when he didn't know what had happened to Lois. He thought back to the club, the scene replaying of its own accord in his head. Lois had still been alive, he'd been able to tell that much. But as he'd thought before, if he could see it, then the gangsters must have been able to see that too. Her breathing had seemed very weak, though. He couldn't tell whether that was a bad thing or a blessing. If it was so weak, then they might not even notice it. On the other hand, was she going to continue breathing on her own? She was wounded, after all. A sight caught his eye, interrupting his thoughts. It was the car, driving out of an alleyway. Zooming in further on it, he caught a glimpse of the back door shutting -- so they'd already thrown her out, as if she were some sort of garbage. He found himself disgusted at the thought. Something suddenly sprang to mind: Should he go to her as Clark or as Superman? He desperately wanted to fly down as Clark. She didn't treat him the same as she treated Superman. Clark was her friend. Superman was just someone she had a crush on. But, when he was truthful with himself, he knew that he had to go down there as Superman. She desperately needed medical attention. Clark would have to catch up with her later. He knew she'd fallen into unconsciousness in the club, but if she'd been shaken out of it when she was thrown out of the car, would she be conscious now? Wouldn't she wonder just why Superman was there? She hadn't cried out or anything when she'd been shot; she'd simply fell to the floor. So if she was aware of her surroundings, surely she would wonder why Superman was there instead of Clark. Of course, Clark could have called for Superman. That was a perfectly logical explanation. So should he go to her as Clark? It was what he wanted to do. Of course, there was that problem of her needing instant medical attention. That was more important. But that aside, he was sure she'd be happier to see him than Superman. She'd dived in front of him to save his life. Providing she was even conscious when he got to her, she'd surely have her mind put more at ease to see Clark. And, of course, even if he did see her as Superman, he wouldn't be able to whisk her off to the hospital. From all his experience, he knew which gunshot wounds were more potentially dangerous. In the club, he'd noticed that she had a shoulder injury, which if handled incorrectly could result in permanent nerve damage. Flying her to the hospital would be out of the question, he suspected. His mind made up, he landed behind a dumpster in the alley where Lois's body had to be. He quickly spun back into his Clark clothes and came from behind the dumpster. She came into his view instantly, her bright red dress making her stand out in the dark night. Running up to her, his eyes widened as he caught his first proper glimpse of her since the club. Quickly, he bent down to have a closer look at her. She looked terrible. A lump arose in his throat as he saw what had happened to her because of him. There was blood surrounding the bullet hole, which marked her delicate shoulder. Relief briefly washing away the pain of seeing her like this; at least it didn't seem to have been a fatal shot. But this light was quickly wiped out as he continued to stand staring at her, fixated. Her forehead had a gash on it, which had started to bleed. Obviously, the gangsters and thugs hadn't taken any care when they'd thrown her out of the car. She looked so fragile and helpless. He grabbed hold of her wrist with shaking hands and started to check her pulse almost without thinking. When he found he has shaking too much to tell, only then did he remember about his Super hearing. He again sighed with relief when he found she had a pulse and he felt overjoyed when he realised it was a strong one. She wasn't dead! As much as he'd tried to tell himself that'd she'd be fine, the longer he'd been flying, the more that voice in the back of his mind pushed forward and tried to convince him she was dead. The thought of her dying, alone and in pain, and because was him was too much to bear. But she was okay! Unconscious, but at least she had a strong pulse. However, he noticed she was losing a lot of blood. He knew that if she lost any more, it would start to be dangerous. Could he risk administering some of his heat vision to seal up the wound? Oh, he knew she'd be safe -- well, he presumed she would -- but what if she awoke and saw him? He instantly knew the answer to that. It didn't matter whether she saw him or not; all that mattered was that she was okay. She'd almost lost her life to him once already tonight; he sure couldn't ever chance that again. But no. She was unconscious and needed experts to take a look at her. There was no way he could administer the proper medical attention she needed -- he had to take her to the ER. Besides that, there was no way he could treat her in a dark, dirty alley. Shoulder injuries were very delicate, he knew, and not only would he be taking a risk on her having serious nerve damage by doing anything to it, but he would also be arousing suspicions. The staff at ER would wonder just how he'd managed to not only remove the bullet from her shoulder, but also heal up the wound. She needed to be taken out of that alley. It was the perfect breeding place for rats and other vermin and Lois was on the ground, exposed to all the filth and grime. He wondered how to get her to the hospital. He would have to send for an ambulance. He couldn't carry her there -- it was too far. And far too dangerous, too. There was no way he could risk doing any further damage to her shoulder. As far as he could tell from his x-ray vision, it was only tissue damage, but he wasn't an expert. He pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and phoned 911. Quickly reeling the details off to them, he took Lois's good hand and held it gently, rubbing his thumb along the back of it. The operator informed him the ambulance wouldn't be long and he sighed with relief, wanting to get Lois looked at by a doctor as quickly as possible. He couldn't lose her. She meant the world to him. He knew the police would also be accompanying the ambulance -- after all, it was a shooting. They'd require statements from both of them, but he hoped they could wait for a while. He had to go with Lois in the ambulance, he knew that. Surely it would help her to see a familiar face when she came around. And they'd have to wait for Lois's statement, anyway. If they put her on pain relief for her shoulder, then she could become tired and confused about what had happened. Placing his cell phone back in his pocket, he turned his gaze back to Lois and silently held his head in his hand, losing control of his tears as he thought over what had happened. *** Lois felt herself regain consciousness, and with it came pain. Pain that shot through her body in an agonizing streak. What had happened? The last thing she remembered was being in the illegal gambling club and Al Capone and his gangsters barging in. And now she was... where was she? She tried to look at her surroundings from the corner of her eye, but failed. A wave of pain rushed through her head and she closed her eyes again, willing it to go away. She became aware that she wasn't moving. She knew she was lying still and felt hard ground beneath her. But she wasn't aware of anything else around her. What was happening? Was she... was she dead? But that made no sense. She wondered why she was laid in some hard place, pain coursing through her. Was this the morgue? She couldn't tell. Was she alone or with somebody else? She couldn't hear anybody, but sensed a presence near her. A strong one... like a soulmate. Trying to ignore the throbbing in her head, she opened one eye a fraction of the way and tried to see if anybody was near her. There was. She saw a figure crouched down besides her, staring intently at her. But who was that? Tilting her head ever so slightly, her eyes flew open regardless of the pain it caused when she saw just who was sitting next to her, holding her hand. "Clark!" she exclaimed, her voice sounding groggy and only semi- coherent, even to her own ears. The worried look in his eyes disappeared and she saw a look of relief wash over his face. "Lois! You're okay!" She felt numbness in her arm and tried to move it into a more comfortable position but was only rewarded with pain. What was wrong? She knew she must have been shot. "What happened?" she asked him, starting to feel weak again. Clark sighed -- what could he tell her? That she'd been shot because of him? Of course, if would come back to her in the end, so he might as well just get it over with. But was now the best of times? No. It would upset or worry her, and she didn't need that right now. But he'd nearly got her killed! Of course, she couldn't have known that he wouldn't have been harmed by the bullet, but still. Maybe she wouldn't be angry? It was something to hope for. She'd risked her own life to save him. To her, her attempt to save would look like it had worked. He was still alive and unharmed! He knew that he'd eventually have to tell her he was okay because he was Superman; it would be unfair to hide that from her. She'd almost given up her own life for him! There was no need to do it now, though. She was obviously in a lot of pain; he saw her keep wincing. Even though she seemed to be trying to hide her pain from him, he still noticed it. He glanced down at her to look at her injury. It was still bleeding, although the rate of the blood loss was starting to slow, as far as he could tell. But finally realising that he needed to stop the blood flow, he ripped a piece of his shirt off and held it against her wound, hoping that she hadn't already lost too much blood. He felt another wave of guilt rush over him as he thought of the pain she must be in. He hadn't experienced pain very many times before, but when he had, it was a horrible experience. But the pain had gone away fairly quickly, as soon as he'd gotten over the exposure of kryptonite. Lois would be in pain for weeks. And all because she'd tried to save his life, which wasn't even necessary. The only good thing that had come from that was it was now obvious that he cared for him an awful lot. Oh, he'd known that he meant something to her, but he never knew how much. She was willing to die for him. That was exactly how he felt about her. The only difference was that he loved her. He felt his eyes begin to well with tears that he tried to hold back as he realised that while she cared, it was only as a friend. They were best friends, nothing more. Lois was puzzled by Clark's silence. What was so bad? The events of the evening were a daze in her head, but she couldn't recall anything that would make him fall into silence. She turned to ask him again what had happened and was shocked when she saw tears in his eyes. Why was he upset? "Clark? What's wrong? What happened?" she asked, ignoring the stabbing pain it caused her to turn and look at him. "Huh?" he asked, surprised at being suddenly jolted out of his thought before remembering Lois was waiting for an answer. "You were shot, Lois," he told her. "In your shoulder." "How?" she asked. She already knew she'd been shot. But why had they shot her? She remembered seeing Clyde pull the trigger... "It was Clyde Barrow. The bullet... the bullet was meant for me, Lois. You intercepted it," he informed her, not looking her directly in the eye as he said it. She remembered. Dillinger had been upsetting her with his leering looks, running his hands along her face and saying things to her that she wasn't happy about. Clark had stopped him and had begun to advance towards him. She recalled the fear she felt as she saw Clyde ready his gun. Clark had gone too far in protecting her and they'd had enough of him. Thoughts of losing her best friend had rushed through he mind, and in a split second she'd been in front of him, taking the shot. Grateful she had survived, she felt pure relief that her interception had stopped Clark from being killed. The bullet had only caught her in the shoulder and wasn't fatal, but then she was much smaller than Clark. If she hadn't done anything, then it might have... It didn't bear thinking about. The fact that that *monster* had nearly killed him was too hard for her to take. Instead of being in his arms now, she might have been weeping over his lifeless body. A cry escaped her before she could stop it. She saw Clark look down at her, concern written all over his face. "I'm... I'm okay. I just remember now, that's all." "Why did you do it, Lois? You could have been killed!" he exclaimed. "I know," she said quietly. "Can we talk about it later, though, Clark? I don't feel so good right now." "Of course, Lois," he told her. "An ambulance will be here for you soon, anyway." They drifted off into silence while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Clark held her hand a little more firmly and she gripped his too, smiling slightly at him through her pain. He tenderly played with her fingers, thinking how lucky he was just to be able to do that. She was alive! He felt extreme guilt for having not saved her, but at least she was still with him. He saw tears fall from the corner of her eyes and he squeezed her hand again. "Lois? What's the matter?" "Clark," she began quietly, "I don't wanna die." "Oh, Lois, you're not going to die. Trust me, you're not going to die," he reassured her, wishing he could take her into his arms and properly reassure her. Lois just nodded and held his hand tighter. When he saw her shiver slightly, he wished the ambulance would speed up. They'd been quite a while already and Lois desperately needed to go to ER. "When is help coming?" Lois asked him, her voice no more than a whisper. "Soon, Lois," he whispered back, looking into her eyes. "Soon." They were only waiting for a few more minutes before the screeching of sirens and flashing of blue lights came, indicted the arrival, at least, of help. The paramedics were very efficient, quickly loading Lois onto a stretcher and putting her into the back of the ambulance. He noted that she kept her eyes on him all the time and had been reluctant to let go of his hand when they placed her on the stretcher. He wanted to quickly join her in the ambulance so she wasn't alone, but knew he had to talk to one of the police officers on the scene first. Seeing one approach him, he gave Lois a quick, reassuring glance, which told her he would get to her as soon as possible. It was probably best he wasn't in the ambulance, though, as the paramedics were started to do their work on Lois. "Henderson! What are you doing here?" Clark asked, surprised to see him there. "I'm a cop, Clark, this is my job," he answered in his usual deadpan tone. "Yes, I know. I just didn't think you handled these type of cases," he replied. "Usually, I don't. But given that this is related to the murder of Georgie Hairdo and took place in his club, I might gain some new information related to that case by coming here," he told Clark. "Ah, I see," Clark responded. "Can I give my statement after I've been to the hospital, though? I would like to go with Lois, make sure she's okay." "That's fine," he told him. "Just make sure you come down to the station as soon as possible. We're going to need to take statements from both you and Lois. Attempted murder is a very serious crime." "I know. I'll make sure I get down to the station as soon as possible, and Lois too." "Clark," Henderson began, his voice softer. "How is she? Still in shock?" "She's very shaken up by the whole thing. And yes, she seems to be in shock -- she's been very quiet so far. As for her injuries, I'm not sure what to say, but the blood loss wasn't too bad. But she'll be okay, I know it." Clark purposely gave away little information about her injury. Henderson didn't know that Clark had a lot of experience with gunshot victims, and telling him anything in detail might arouse suspicions. "Good," he said, before going back to the police car to gather together his files. "But how can you be so sure at this stage that she'd okay?" "Because she *has* to be. She has to be okay. I know she'll be fine," he insisted, with conviction in his voice. Henderson just nodded in response. Clark smiled at him and headed back to the waiting ambulance. Quickly jumping in the back, he saw Lois give him a small smile. He sat down next to her and again took hold of her hand, squeezing it gently. He noticed they'd put a cotton pad on her shoulder -- obviously a temporary measure to stop the bleeding. The graze on her head seemed to have stopped bleeding on its own. Lois closed her eyes for a few seconds. She had to be so tired! It had been an exhausting evening for the both of them, but especially for her. Of course, the day wasn't over yet. After he'd accompanied Lois to ER, he had to give his statement to Henderson. It was something he wasn't looking forward to. It wasn't that he didn't want to give a statement; it was just that he was very tired. And besides, he didn't want to leave Lois on her own just yet. Seeing Lois beginning to fall asleep, he decided against saying anything else to her and instead turned his attention to the paramedic in the back of the ambulance with them. "How's she doing? Is there any chance of her having a concussion?" he asked quietly. "She's stable at the moment," the woman told him with a half smile. "Her pulse rate is only above average. We can't tell you anything about the wound until she'd been properly examined by a doctor, though. As for a concussion, there is a small chance. It's best if she stays awake until we get her to the hospital. Of course, she'll be in pain for quite a few days, but morphine should help with that." "At least she's stable," Clark said in response. "But she's going to be okay, right?" "It's a little early at this stage to be saying, but I'm sure she'll be fine," the woman replied. "Okay," Clark said softly. He continued to watch Lois, still keeping his grip on her hand. He felt so incredibly guilty and nothing could take that away. Even though in his heart he was sure that Lois was going to be okay, he still felt guilty over letting it happen to her. Like the paramedic had said, she'd be in pain. He never wanted to cause her any pain, neither mentally nor physically. And yet he'd done both. No doubt she would have nightmares about being shot. It wasn't something she was just likely to brush off. And she'd be scarred forever. A constant reminder of what he'd let happen to her. He knew that if he told her about his guilt before he told her his secret, she wouldn't understand how he felt. They couldn't discuss this properly without him telling her. It seemed that they had an awful lot to talk about. Right now, he resolved to just keep watch over her as they journeyed to the hospital. She didn't look to be totally asleep, which he was thankful for. He started to squeeze her hand just enough to stop her from drifting into sleep. It upset him to be the one keeping her from sleeping when she was obviously so tired, but he'd been told to keep her awake. Her eyes fluttered open and she began to look at him without uttering a word, but a tiny smile appeared on her face at seeing him. He smiled back at her, grasping her hand tighter and thinking how she wouldn't feel like that if she knew it was really his fault she'd been shot. *** The rest of the journey to the hospital was undertaken in silence. On the way, Clark had been keeping a careful eye on Lois. The paramedics, plural, couldn't see things like he, Clark, could. To them, Lois was just another person, another injured being to take to hospital. But he knew her better than that. From moments he'd shared with her over the past year and a half, he knew from her facial expressions, even the tiniest ones, whether she was in pain, scared, or felt discomfort. During the journey, she seemed to be fine, apart from the occasionally discreet wince of pain. He couldn't see her wound with his normal vision, but x-raying under the cotton pad, he could see the swelling was starting to happen. He wished that he had some way of taking away her pain, or at least easing it, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing to ease her pain, or the pain he had inside on knowing this was all because of him. The rest of the journey to ER passed relatively quickly. As soon as they arrived, Lois was quickly hurried into the ER on the stretcher. She had obviously been woke up by the moving around and, before she was taken totally out of his sight, she gave him a look that told him she didn't want to be away from him. It tore his heart to see her being carried into the hospital on her own, looking back at him the whole time. He quickly dashed after her, knowing that he'd have to stay in the waiting room while she was examined. But he still couldn't allow himself to hang around too long outside -- he needed to see where they took Lois. And she also needed to see that he would be sitting there waiting for her to come back out. If she didn't see him there, she might assume that he wasn't going to stay and make sure she was going to be okay. Of course, he hoped she wouldn't think that but there was always the chance. Taking one last look at Lois as she was wheeled round a corner, he sighed, wishing that she didn't have to be alone. He quickly gave details to the receptionist, and after she told him they'd let him know when the examination and the operation to remove the bullet was over, he moved over to one of the hard, plastic seats and sat down slowly. It was hard to believe that he was sitting there waiting for Lois. He never thought she'd end up at the ER when he was around. He always thought she'd be safe, that he'd save her from whatever danger she was in by using his powers. He had to be grateful that she was alive, though. At least he'd see her again every day, and things could go back to normal. Until she found out that he could have protected her and didn't, of course. What if she never wanted to speak to him again? What if it became so unbearable being forced not to speak to her that he had to quit his job at the Planet to get away from the tension? He hoped it wouldn't come to that. There had to be some way to convince Lois that his not protecting her wasn't so bad. If she next spoke to him again... He shuddered. But how could he? He knew all the arguments she would use against him because he was using them against himself. He should have saved her with his super powers. Although maybe she would understand him freezing on the spot, though. He knew she'd be extremely hurt, though. And he should have told her long ago about him being Superman. If she'd have known, she never would have dived in front of him, because she would have known he'd be safe! There was no reason for him to have kept his secret to himself any longer -- after all, they were best friends. He trusted her and yet he hadn't told her his biggest secret. If he hadn't valued his secret so dearly, than he wouldn't have risked her life. She wouldn't be lying in an operating room now, fighting for her life. His mind again wandered back to what he would have done if she'd been killed. It was impossible to imagine it, working on his own at the Planet, nobody to bounce ideas off. Sitting alone watching movies instead of having her beside him, talking and laughing with him. And no hope of ever being anything more to her. At least he still had that chance of her falling in love with him, even though it had been severely decreased by tonight's events. If she was... if she was dead, then he knew he'd be lonely forever. How could he ever fall in love with anyone else after her? He didn't know what he would have done had she died. In the back of his mind, he did. Life would have been too unbearable without Lois. He'd have existed for a while, but only as a shell. The numbness inside that would have been created by Lois's death would have been too much to cope with. So while everyone else would be getting on with their lives, he wouldn't have. He knew that if he'd lost Lois, he'd have got the biggest lump of Kryptonite he could find and killed himself too. It would be easier than spending the rest of his life knowing that not only had the woman he loved died, but he'd been responsible. After thinking that idea, though, he dismissed it. Much as it would hurt him to carry on existing, he knew that the world needed Superman. It was selfish of him to consider ending his own life just because he couldn't bear it any more -- there were all the other people to think about. Millions of people relied and depended on Superman and he couldn't have let them down, no matter how much he was hurting. So what would he have done? He couldn't go on existing, trying to put on a brave face for people but really be torn up inside. He could have given up his life as Clark Kent. He wouldn't have to get close to anyone that way and reveal his feelings. He could have been Superman full time, dedicating all his time to saving as many people as possible and making up for that one person, one of the most important people in the world to him, die. He shuddered. Why was he even thinking about it? Lois was alive! It was stupid to think such maudlin thoughts when he knew that Lois hadn't died. He'd travelled with her to the hospital and held her hand. He'd seen her wistfully watching him as the ER crew took her away. He had to remain strong for her and help her when they'd finished doing whatever they were doing to her. Sitting back, he picked up one of the old magazines and began to flick lazily through it, trying to clear his head. He kept one eye fixated on the corner that Lois had been taken round, praying that it wouldn't take much longer. *** Lois awoke to find herself in an unfamiliar surrounding. She was in a sterile-looking room, alone. It didn't take long to figure out where she was -- a private room in a hospital. The day's events came back to her in a way similar to how she'd remembered everything earlier, when lying in the alley with Clark. Only now it was much later, and from the looks of it, she'd already been given treatment on the shot wound. Sun was streaming through the window and Lois deduced that it must be early in the morning. She listened for sounds but found she could only hear the gentle footsteps of people walking around outside. Her eyes wandered to the chair at the side of the bed, looking for Clark, but found it empty. The door clicked open softly and a nurse entered the room, smiling. "Ms..." the nurse looked at Lois's bed, "Lane, we just need to examine you and see if you're fit to go back home. We really only kept you in overnight to make sure you're okay. However, we normally keep gunshot victims in a little longer, so you'll have to wait to see what the doctor thinks." Lois looked at her shoulder. It was covered by an unfamiliar gown -- obviously one of the hospital's -- and had a cotton pad over it. "Did you get the bullet out okay?" she asked, not really remembering much after she last saw Clark. "Yes. It was close to the surface so we were able to remove it with surgical forceps. You were lucky, Ms Lane -- any deeper and you could have been facing some nerve damage. As it is, you're fine," the nurse replied. "Great," she replied, smiling slightly. "Where... where is Clark?" "Clark?" the nurse enquired. "Oh -- Mr. Kent. He was in the waiting room for me when I was admitted," she told the nurse. "Yes, I know the one. He's been enquiring after you all night, Ms. Lane, but we couldn't let him in whilst you were sleeping. He was told it would be best for him to go home and get some rest, but he spent the whole night here." Lois smiled. That was so typical of Clark. In her head, she hoped that he would stay and wait for her so he could take her home but she hadn't said anything like that to him. She knew that he needed to get some proper sleep and it would have been selfish of her to ask him to sleep in an ER waiting room. But she hoped... She wanted to see him. She'd so nearly lost him last night and hadn't seen him since she'd be wheeled away from him, her gaze locking with his. "Would you mind if he came in to see me?" she asked the nurse. "Not at all. We need to examine you first, though," she reminded Lois. "Okay," Lois replied, a little disappointed that she would have to wait a while. *** The afternoon rolled on and Lois continued to lie in the hospital bed, wondering why Clark still hadn't been allowed in to see her. It had been a while since she'd been examined by the doctor, who'd told her she might be able to leave that evening. She'd been disappointed she couldn't leave that morning, but knew it was for the best. Earlier she'd been informed that a couple of police officers would drop by to take her statement sometime in the afternoon. She wished that Clark could sit in with her, but as far as she knew, he was still in the waiting room. Her heart ached for him -- he was so sweet to wait for her for this length of time, no doubt keeping himself awake to see if any more news on her became available. The nurse who'd talked to her that morning had told her Clark would be allowed to see her but nothing so far. However, she had received one of her business suits for when she was ready to be discharged. Obviously, Clark had been back to her apartment at some stage of the day to gather the outfit for her. She was grateful; after all, the only other clothing she had at the moment was the red dress. Presently she was wearing a hospital gown, but knew she needed something to change into for when she was ready to leave. Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted her musing and two uniformed police officers walked in. "Ms. Lane," one of them began. "Are you well enough to give your statement now?" "Sure," she replied, sitting up in bed, holding the sheet over her to cover the thin hospital gown. They entered the room and proceeded to sit down next to her, opening their files. *** Late that afternoon, long after the police officers had left, the doctor and his assistant nurse re-entered the room. Lois cheered up; the hospital felt depressing and she now felt well enough to go home. "Can I go home tonight?" she asked quietly. "I just need to give your shoulder a final examination and then I'll be able to tell you," he replied. After Lois had been examined and been deemed fit to go home, she thanked the nurse and prepared to leave the room. She'd already changed into her other clothes that Clark had fetched for her. Much to her chagrin, they'd given her a sling to make sure she didn't move her arm. At the wound, she felt a dull ache, but nothing as bad as the pain she'd felt last night. She'd been prescribed some pain relief to take away the sting of the wound, which luckily seemed to be helping. "Are you sure I'm ready to leave?" Lois asked the nurse. While she desperately wanted to get out of the hospital, she'd always thought gunshot victims would have spent another night or so in the hospital. "Don't you feel ready?" the nurse asked politely. "The doctor authorised it so you must be well enough." "It's not that; I just didn't realise I'd be free to leave the very next day," she said. "Well, with it only being a surface wound, there isn't much damage." The nurse picked up the doctors file. "He's noted down that the bullet was only small, limiting the damage it would have done anyway. Apparently, it hit your bone, so there'll be a lot of bruising but minimal other damage. So I think it's safe for you to go home." "Okay. Thank you," Lois replied. She still hadn't seen Clark yet. Seeing as she didn't need to stay in the hospital any longer, there had been no need for Clark to go to the ward in which she was in -- she could just see him as she made her way out. She and Clark needed to talk; she knew that, and the sooner, the better. But as much as she needed to talk to him, she knew that he would be tired and certainly not in the mood. After all, he'd been in the waiting room all night. Making her way out into the waiting room, she caught her first glimpse of Clark since the night before. He looked so tired and concerned, and a wave of guilt flew through her for making him this worried. If she hadn't had dived in front of him, she wouldn't have been here. But... he would have been instead. Or even worse, he would have been laid out in a morgue somewhere and she'd be telling everyone he'd died because of her. Tears sprang to her eyes and she quickly blinked them back. That didn't happen. She saw him notice her and watched his face brighten. He stood up from his seat and rushed towards her, smiling. "Lois!" he exclaimed. "Have they discharged you?" "Yeah," she replied, smiling. "They put a couple of stitches in the wound and prescribed me some pain relief. It turned out that it was just a surface shot, so I wasn't at any risk. Although I don't remember any of this -- I must have been under anesthesia at the time." "How did it not go further?" Clark asked. "Clyde was pretty close to you." "The nurse told me that the bullet hit my bone, which left it near the surface," Lois told him. "Well, you were very lucky it didn't damage any of your bone!" he exclaimed. "The weapon was old, from the 1940s. I doubt it's as powerful as the guns available today," she said. "I see. Well, I'm glad that you're going to be okay!" he told her. "Yeah. I'll be fine. I'll just have a little pain, that's all," she replied, trying to understate the extent of her injury to reassure Clark. Clark sighed and shook his head. "Why did you do it, Lois? You could have been killed!" "Clark... we need to talk about this. But you're tired. And I need to sign all the insurance forms before we leave." "Yes, Lois, we do need to talk about this," he confirmed. "But after we've left here, I need to give my statement down at the precinct, so I'm not going to get any sleep anyway." "Oh, right. I'd forgotten about that -- I thought they'd maybe interview you at the same time they did me. But I really don't want to do this in a public place, Clark, you have to understand that! And regardless of the fact that you wouldn't get any sleep anyway, now just isn't the time to talk about it," she told him, a little too abruptly. "Okay," he replied quietly. At his hurt look, she took hold of his arm with her good hand. "I'm sorry, Clark. I didn't mean to sound like that. I guess I'm just irritable because we haven't got more time." "I know, Lois," he said to her. "The sooner we get your insurance forms signed, the quicker we can get down to the precinct and the quicker we can get to talk." "Yeah," she replied, smiling slightly. "You might as well sit back down while I'm doing it. Although I doubt it'd be any more comfortable!" He gave a small laugh and went to take a seat on the plastic chairs. Lois walked slowly over to the reception, wishing that they didn't have to go through all the procedures. She wanted to talk to Clark. Wanted to tell him that she'd done what she had because she was in love with him. It wasn't something that she'd thought about a lot, but she knew that it was right. She was in love with Clark and whether or not he felt the same about her, she wanted him to know that. *** About fifteen minutes after she'd told him he might as well sit down to wait for her, he saw her begin to walk back towards him. She was smiling, but he could tell that she had some pain from her injury. She was trying to play it down, but it was obvious to him. She didn't seem angry with him for what had happened and it surprised him. After all, he'd caused her to be shot -- surely she should at least be a little off hand with him right now. Yes, she'd dived in front of him voluntarily, but it was still his fault. Was that why she'd been so desperate to save that conversation until later? So she could get as angry with him as she wanted? With anybody else, that could be true. But then again, this was Lois. Would she really put on an act of niceties just for the sake of being in public? It didn't seem like her. That was something they would have to deal with later. Right now, he had to give his statement at the precinct. "Are you coming?" she asked. "Where?" he asked. "I have to give my statement." "I know, and I'm coming with you," she informed him. "Lois! You've just been released form hospital!" he protested. "You should go straight home and get some rest. Now, before it gets dark." "Clark, I'm going with you. I... I don't want to be without you," she whispered. His heart tore at her fragile voice. "Okay," he replied. "How shall we get there?" "A cab sounds good. It's probably too cold to walk and besides, walking would take much longer." "Yeah," he responded. "When did you change?" she asked, gesturing to his fresh suit. "Oh, when I went back to your apartment to get some fresh clothes, I stopped off at mine too," he explained. "Thank you for getting me the clothes," she thanked. "By the way, how did you manage to get in?" "Well, they took your important possessions off you before you went in for the operation. I got your key from reception," he told her. "Ah, I see. Come on, let's go and get a cab to the precinct," she said, taking hold of his arm with her useful arm and pulling him towards the exit. *** Hours later they left the precinct, feeling tired. The process of Clark giving his statement had taken much longer than they'd expected, especially as they were talking about supposedly dead gangsters. But eventually he'd been allowed to leave and now there was nothing that neither wanted to do more than rest. But they both knew that they had to talk. Clark hadn't slept at all since Lois had been brought into the hospital -- when she'd been taken away, he'd kept an all night vigil in case there was any news. But there was none and whenever he'd asked a doctor for her status, he'd been told that they'd let him know. But the first he'd known about Lois was when he'd seen her emerge, ready to go home. Could he really allow himself to wait until tomorrow to have the conversation? The answer was simple. Waiting to find out whether Lois was really angry with him would torture him. But he had to think of Lois. It had been a long day for her, too. Surely she would want to get some more sleep? She must not have had that much when at the hospital. "Well, I guess we should go home and get some more rest. And call Perry, too. He called my cell phone while we were at the hospital to let us know that he'd heard the news. But he said to call him again later. He's worried about you, Lois." "Ah, I see. I thought he must have heard the news pretty quickly. That's why calling him totally slipped my mind," she replied. "Well, he'll understand," Clark said, wondering why Lois hadn't replied to what he'd said about going home. Should he ask her again what she wanted to do? "Clark..." Lois began and he looked at her, hearing her voice growing serious. "Do you want to come to my apartment? To talk, I mean? We need to discuss what happened." "Yes, Lois. If you're sure that you're not too tired then I do think that we need to talk," he replied, feeling glad that she did want to talk about things. And she'd invited him around to her apartment. If she was angry with him, then wouldn't she have wanted to go to his place? At least then she had the choice to leave any time she wanted. When she was on her own territory, she couldn't. But... it could work the other way. Maybe she just wanted to be on her own territory. Maybe her inviting him to her's wasn't such a good thing after all. "Yeah, I'm not that tired. And we need to talk, Clark." "Okay," he replied. "Let's go." *** The drive to Lois's apartment was almost in silence. Clark could tell that Lois *was* tired, no matter what she said. She wasn't making any move to say anything, but then again, she didn't really need to. The silence between them was comfortable. Lois looked like she was lost in thought, probably of what she was going to say to him. He felt the same. How on earth was he going to explain things to her without making her violently upset? There was no way. When he told her that he was Superman and he could have saved her, she'd be fuming. And there was no doubt about it, he'd have to tell her about himself. How could he let her think that he'd almost died when in actual fact there was no chance that he might have died? It would be cruel. However... even if the bullet had him, there would have been problems explaining his survival. At point blank range, there was no way he could have walked away from it. So he'd have had to tell her about Superman anyway. There would have been no other way to explain things. By the time they arrived at Lois's apartment, he noticed that she'd fallen asleep against the Jeep window. He looked at her, wishing that she hadn't had to have gone through any of this. And yet again he told himself that it was all his fault. He hated himself for getting her shot any causing her all this pain. And now he had to wake her up when she was obviously very tired to have this conversation with her, which would upset her even more. Maybe he should wait until tomorrow, let her get some rest. "Lois?" he asked, shaking the arm that wasn't injured. "Lois, we're at your apartment." She slowly woke up, yawning. "Oh? Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you, Clark," she told him, sitting up in her seat and undoing her seatbelt. "Lois, you know that's fine! You're tired and you're in pain, no matter what you say. Not to mention on strong painkillers. Anyway, I've been thinking... maybe we should just talk tomorrow? I don't think you should go into work at all and I can just go in late. I'm sure Perry won't mind, after everything that has happened." "No, Clark! Okay, I'm tired and in a little pain, I'll admit that, but nevertheless, we need to have this conversation. I've... I've got some things that I need to say," she told him, letting him know that he wasn't getting out of it. "Okay," he replied, dreading whatever it was that she needed to say. If she was that desperate to talk to him, then it couldn't be good. They both got out of the Jeep and headed up the steps to Lois's apartment. Clark tentatively held his arm out and Lois took it, giving him a look that told him she was grateful for the support he offered. "Thank you, Clark," she told him when they reached the top of the short flight of stairs. Clark just smiled back in return and let Lois open the door to the apartment building. He entered behind her and they made their way up to Lois's apartment, both trying to prepare themselves for the long conversation to come. *** Minutes later, they entered Lois's apartment. "Would you like a drink?" she asked him. "Sure, Lois. But I'll make it. You go and sit down," he told her. "What would you like?" Lois thought about protesting and telling him that she would make it, but then concluded he was right. Her shoulder was aching and she really did feel like sitting down. So she decided it was best to let him make it. "Coffee, please," she replied. "Although... you're not supposed to drink caffeine while on painkillers, are you? Better make it decaf," she added grudgingly. As she made her way over to the sofa, she struggled out of her sling, throwing it on the nearby table. "Lois!" Clark exclaimed. "They gave you that to support your arm!" "I know, but it's driving me crazy," she replied. As he started to protest further, she gave him a look which told him to back off. "It doesn't feel any worse now than it did when it was up." Clark walked into her kitchen. She watched him, musing that he'd made coffee for her enough times now that he knew where everything was. He worked quickly and efficiently and only a few minutes later, he walked back into the sitting room and handed Lois's coffee to her before sitting down on her sofa too. She took a quick sip of it before placing it on the table. "It's good," she told him, trying to delay things. She hoped that he would start their conversation off. She had no idea about how to start things at all. But at the moment, he didn't seem to be in a hurry to start talking and an awkward silence was growing between them. As if he sensed what she was thinking, he started to talk. "Lois... we need to discuss what happened at the club. I've asked you the question twice already and you haven't yet answered." "Which question?" Lois said, knowing full well what he meant, but not wanting it to seem like all she'd been doing was thinking about it. Of course, she knew he would have been doing the same, but still. "Lois," he said sternly. "Okay. But it's hard for me to talk about, Clark. I know that I need to reveal a lot of my feelings and you know that I'm not that good at doing that. I normally don't let anybody know my feelings. And when it's my best friend I'm talking to, it's even harder. I know that sounds totally stupid but it's true. You'd think it would be easier to talk about my feelings with the person who knows me best but it isn't." She took a deep breath. "It's okay, I understand, Lois. Just take it easy," he told her in a reassuring tone. "I... I couldn't let you die, Clark! You were at point blank range. You'd have been killed," she blurted out, trying to blink back the tears. It had been a long time since she'd cried as much as she had in the previous two days. "You don't know that I would have died, Lois," he told her gently. Lois quickly mused that he had a strange look on his face, but dismissed it and carried on with what she was saying. "Of course you would have! You know how close Clyde was to you. I had to stop them. I just knew that you'd have no chance if they hit you... so I dived in front of you. I hardly even thought about it; it was just something that came naturally," she told him, noting the surprised look on his face. "So if you'd have had time to think about it, you wouldn't have done it?" he asked, the disappointment he seem to be desperately trying to hide still evident in his voice. "Clark, of course I'd still have done it! I couldn't live without you, Clark. You're my best friend. How could I let you die knowing I could have done something about it?" she said quietly, sobbing. Clark placed his hand over hers, a gesture of comfort and reassurance. "But you could have very easily been killed or seriously injured, Lois! I can't believe that you put yourself at such risk for me. What if you'd been hit lower? Or if the bullet had gone deeper? You could have been facing some serious nerve damage." "But you're alive, Clark! And none of that happened to me." "You're still in pain, though," he told her softly. "It'll go. It's not a permanent thing. And don't you think I'd have been in pain if you'd died, Clark? Don't you think that it would have almost killed me inside to go through all that?" she asked, pulling her hand away from his. "Are you seriously saying that you think that would have been better for me than a little gunshot wound?" "No, Lois! I--" Lois cut him off. "Tell me, what is it that makes you think I could have coped with losing you better? Crying over your dead body as they dragged you away from me in the club. Helping your folks arrange your funeral. Living the rest of my life without my best friend. Is that really better for me than a few days of physical pain?" She felt Clark's arms around her back, trying to calm down her convulsions from her sobbing. She didn't shrug away from him. After her tirade, she'd instantly known that it had been wrong to shout at him in such a manner but it couldn't be taken back. He was obviously concerned about her and the fact that she was injured, but he had to see that was better than the other outcome. "I'm so sorry, Lois," she heard him whisper. "I didn't mean to upset you like this. I was just thinking of you. It wouldn't have been a picnic for me if you'd died, either." "I know," she replied, nodding slightly. "But you have to understand that I had to do it. There was no way you would have survived that shot. As it is now, we're both alive. And I'm not seriously injured!" "It was such a brave thing for you to do, though, Lois. You could have been killed because of me!" he protested. "Because of you, Clark? How would it have been your fault? You didn't make me intercept that bullet. I made that choice for myself, whether it was a conscious choice or not! But the point is that you didn't choose to have me dive in front of you and you couldn't have stopped me." Lois noticed Clark's answer of a nod and wondered why he wasn't agreeing with her. He had to understand what she was saying -- after all, even he must know that there was no way he could have stopped her from doing it. In the split second between Clyde getting his gun out and her diving in front of Clark, there had been no time to do anything. But Clark just didn't seem to be getting the point. His face was a picture of remorse. It was obvious that he was blaming himself for her getting shot and there didn't seem to be any way of convincing him otherwise. She studied him for a brief moment. His head was hung low and he was cradling his mug of coffee, which surely must have gone cold. He should be glad that he was alive, but instead just seemed maudlin. "Aren't you going to drink your coffee?" she asked quietly, realising that he wasn't going to say anything more until she did. "Oh, right," he said, taking a sip of the coffee and immediately spitting it back in the cup. "Cold?" she enquired. "Yeah," he replied, making a face. "I'll make you another one," she volunteered, sensing that he wanted some time to think about what he might say next. She took the mug out of his hand and stood up from the sofa, walking slowly into the kitchen, sighing quietly. Clark leaned back against the sofa and ran his hands through his hair. He was digging himself into a deeper and deeper mess. He urgently needed to tell Lois that he could have done something about her getting shot. The longer he let her keep telling him how it wasn't his fault and how it couldn't have done anything, the harder she would take it when he did eventually tell her. He had to try and stop this right now and make her realise just why he was blaming himself so much. But how could he tell her? It wasn't as if he could announce that he was Superman! She must have noticed that something was wrong, though, especially after her outburst at him. She had a point, of course, but she didn't know why he was torturing himself so much. It was hard to see that he was making her so upset by just trying to reassure her, though, so surely she'd be extremely angry at his revelation. If only there was a way to turn the clock back and make sure that this had never happened. He knew that eventually he'd have found a way to tell Lois about Superman, in his own time. Now he was being forced to tell her. If he didn't, he'd have to endure the guilt of her thinking that he couldn't have done anything to save her from being injured. Once again, he felt waves of guilt wash over him for Lois being shot. It was his fault. He'd stood up to the gangsters instead of being meek, even though he knew full well they wouldn't like it. What had he hoped to achieve? On looking back, standing up to Lois just looked like he was trying to play the big, hard man to them. He should have known that, should have thought about it before he stood up to them. He was almost totally sure that he'd have no chance of having a relationship with Lois after all of this. She'd never be able to trust him again. He'd hoped, wished, that one day she'd begin to have feelings for him and then he could tell her about Superman. Yes, she'd still be hurt, especially if she'd begun to develop feelings for him. But it wouldn't be the same. Now she'd be hurt not only because he'd lied to her, but also because she'd put her life at risk for no reason and he hadn't done anything to save her. She knew what he was capable of and had a fair idea of the capacity of his powers from her numerous Superman interviews and from when he'd saved her before. She'd realise that he had enough super speed to have saved her from the bullet. Whether or not she took into consideration that that would have revealed him as being Superman, she'd still be hurt that he'd almost let her die. Lois was a person who was obviously hurt very easily. Maybe... maybe she would think that by not saving her, he didn't care about her! That he cared more about not revealing his super powers than saving her. He involuntarily clenched his fists at the thought. Seeing her return from the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee, he sighed and tried to prepare himself for telling her. "You might want to slow down on this one," she joked with a smile. As she placed his fresh coffee on the table and started to sit down, he saw her wince in pain and quickly try and hide it from him. "Lois? Is your shoulder hurting?" he asked tentatively. "It's okay," she told him. "Well, I guess it's hurting a bit, but not too bad." "You really need to take it easy, Lois. You can't stress those stitches too much," he told her, noticing the slight roll of eyes which was typically Lois. "I'll be fine, Clark!" she said with fervour in her voice. "I know what you're like, though, Lois," he reminded her. "You won't take it easy, especially not at work. Which, by the way, I think you need to take a few days off. It's been a pretty big shock to your system and I know you're likely to want to dive right back in, but I don't think you're fit enough." "I'm not talking any time off work, Clark! It's not as if I have any *serious* injuries. Oh, speaking of work, I'd guess we'd better call Perry." "Yeah," he replied. "Do you want to call him or should I?" "I'd better! No doubt you'd try and convince Perry I'm dying!" she replied, a hint of laughter in her voice. The tears that she'd cried earlier seemed to have stopped and she seemed in a much lighter mood. Until he told her, anyway. He didn't really listen to the phone call between Lois and Perry -- not for privacy reasons, but because he was lost in thought. He knew that things would never be the same again. The way Lois had been teasing him just then about the phone call had been amusing, but his heart was sad. He knew that after he'd told her, they'd never be like that again. After Lois had finished explaining to Perry everything that had happened, she placed the receiver down and turned her attention back to Clark. "What did he say?" he asked. "He was really concerned," she answered. "He told me to take some time off if I wanted, but like I told you, I'm fine. Didn't you hear the conversation?" "No, I was just thinking about some things. I wasn't really listening to what you were saying. I'm sorry," he told her. "It's fine," she told him, smiling. "What were you thinking about?" "Well... about us, Lois," he began, taking her hand. Now was the time. He was going to have to tell her. "It's about our relationship and also about what happened at the club." "I've been thinking similar thoughts, Clark. I want... no, I *need* to talk to you about something. Would it be okay if I went first... again?" "Lois, I really need to tell you something..." "I know," she said, cutting him off. "But the last time we had a conversation like this I let you go first and I think I should be the one to talk this time." "Okay," Clark gave in, wondering why she was so desperate to go first. But she was right -- he clearly remembered the conversation they had after Lois's disastrous wedding to Luthor. He'd always wondered what she would have said if he'd let her go first that day, instead of insisting on going first himself. Today he wanted to tell her about him being Superman before he lost his nerve, but he also didn't want to be left wondering what she would have said. "Thanks," she said, nervousness showing in her voice. "Well, I'm not really sure how to begin. But at the club I realised something. I guess that I've known for a while now. It just took this to make me take notice." Clark became extremely intrigued by what she was saying. Could she mean...? No. It was impossible. But he couldn't think of anything else she could possibly be talking about. Did she... was she... was it possible? He looked at her tenderly, trying to urge her with his eyes to continue. "You must be wondering what on earth I'm talking about," she continued with a small, nervous laugh. "I'm not really sure how to tell you. But, that night in the club when I thought about how you might have died and I'd never have seen you again, it terrified me. A life without you flashed before me and I realised how much unbelievable pain it would cause me." "I'm here, Lois," he reassured her. "I know. But if you'd died... oh, god, I don't know what I would have done! In that split second the gun was being held on you and ever since then, I've been totally honest with myself about my feelings for you. Seeing you almost shot before my eyes made me realise that... that I love you, Clark." He saw her choke for breath for a second after her revelation and he squeezed her hand. He barely allowed himself to believe what he'd heard. Lois loved him? It was what he'd hoped and dreamed of ever since he'd joined the Planet. But now that he'd heard her utter the words, it didn't seem real. It felt like a dream. He'd almost closed the door to any hope that Lois would ever feel more for him than friendship. Still taken aback by her declaration, he didn't know how to respond. He knew that sitting there without saying anything might worry Lois or embarrass her, but words didn't seem to come to him. One of his greatest dreams had finally come true. He felt his spirits rise at this new knowledge. But his heart sank as he realised that nothing would ever come of it. He still had to tell her that he was Superman, which would cause her to be violently angry with him, no matter how she felt. Maybe telling her would be even worse now, after she'd just declared her feelings for him. He knew that such a thing wasn't easy for Lois. An idle thought about Superman suddenly entered his head -- why hadn't he heard any cries for help since the incident at the club? Could it be possible that he was so attuned to Lois that he could think of nothing else? That night in the ER waiting room, there surely had to be some problems occurring. But he'd been so worried about Lois, constantly thinking of her, that he just hadn't heard anything. That was true of today, too. "Clark?" she asked quietly. "Did you... did you hear what I said?" "Oh, yes, Lois! I was listening to you. You telling me that means so much to me. I know how hard it is for you to share your feelings, Lois, and I'm so happy that you've told me this," he told her, ashamed that he'd left her in silence after her obviously difficult confession. He saw Lois staring down at her hands. "I... I assume that means you don't feel the same way about me, then," she said, her voice low. "Huh?" Clark asked, taken aback. Why on earth would she think that? Didn't she know that he'd loved her ever since he first set eyes on her at the Planet? "What made you think that, Lois?" "I don't know," she replied, her eyes still firmly fixed in her lap. "Your silence, I guess. And the way you've told me how happy you are, but you didn't actually tell me that you love me. If you felt the same way, I'm sure you'd have told me that straight away. But it's okay, Clark. I wasn't really expecting anything; I just had to tell you," she finished, turning her head slightly. Clark assumed that she'd turned her head away from him to hide the tear descending from her eye. She hadn't quite been quick enough and he'd seen it fall. So he'd upset her again. "Lois..." he began, wishing that she would turn her face back to look at him. "When I told you I didn't love you after the Luthor wedding fiasco, I had my fingers crossed." That worked; he turned her face back to him, a look of surprise on her face. "I have loved you ever since you first flounced into Perry's office that day I had my interview. And ever since then, when I've gotten to know you better, my love for you has grown." "So, you were lying to me when you said you didn't love me?" she asked quietly, wiping the tears from her face. "I couldn't tell you otherwise, Lois! You told me you just wanted me as a friend. By telling you I lied about my feelings to stop you from marrying Luthor, it didn't change anything between us. If you knew I was in love with you, then our friendship could have been ruined," he told her, continuing to look her in the eye. "Yeah, I know," she replied. "But the strange thing is, if you'd let me go first, I would have told you that I might have feelings towards you that were more than friendship. Oh, back then I didn't know that I loved you, but I certainly wanted to give being more than friends a try." "I wish I'd let you go first," he told her. "I'd almost given up hope on you ever wanting more from me. I'd waited for so long, but it didn't seem likely that anything was ever going to happen between us." "If only I'd realised my feelings sooner! Or if you'd let me go first. Speaking of which, what did you want to say? I know I kinda insisted on doing so today..." Clark's need to tell her dissolved. How could he make her so angry with him after she'd revealed her most private feelings to him? Lois had just told him that she loved him; he should be over the moon. He should savor it and make the most of this newfound information and decide how they should proceed with these feelings. Instead he was contemplating ruining it all. There was no way he could spoil everything so soon after Lois had told him how she felt. If he told her now, she'd hate him, and the hope that had rushed through him when he'd heard what Lois had said would be broken down again, never to come back. But he new he'd have to tell her eventually. What good would putting it off do him? It wouldn't be fair to her to date her, let her build up an exclusive level of trust in him, and then tell her that he was Superman and could have saved her. And there was, of course, the trust issue. Lois was putting her heart on the line, and he knew how much trust she was putting into him. She'd been hurt so many times before! How could he break her trust so quickly after she'd put it into him? Surely that would put her off him totally. So what was he going to do? It was a cert that he didn't want to ruin things with Lois so quickly. She'd be so hurt if he told her now. But what could he do? How could he let a relationship with Lois develop if he wasn't being totally honest with her? However, he knew he couldn't tell her now. He'd waited a year and a half for her to tell him that she was in love with him and now she'd finally said it, it would be wasted hope if he made her angry with him the minute after she'd told him. "It wasn't that important, Lois," he told her. "It wasn't?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "Clark, the last time you said that, it was obviously important. You just told me that!" "It was just... I just wanted to say... thank you. For protecting me like that," he told her, improvising. She smiled back at him. "My pleasure, Clark." She paused. "So... what are we going to do?" she asked rather awkwardly. "About what?" Clark questioned, momentarily confused. Lois moved closer to him and his eyes widened as she took both of his hands in her own and looked straight in his eyes. It wasn't like Lois to make such a gesture. "About us. The conversation tonight has gone far better than I hoped it would. I didn't think I'd have the guts to tell you how I felt and hardly dared to think that you'd tell me you were in love with me too." "I'm surprised it wasn't obvious," he told her with a hint of laughter in his voice. "Well, I knew that you were attracted to me from the beginning. But after that, it wasn't obvious at all. I ended up assuming that you'd just developed a little crush on me, which had faded. I had no idea it was love, Clark." Clark took Lois's face in his hands and gazed at her. "I love you, Lois. I always have." "I love you too, Clark," she told him, and he was surprised at how easily she said it. Lois was such a shy person when it came to her feelings; it was hard to believe she was now admitting them so openly to him in the short sentence that meant so much. He looked down at her and saw her gazing back at him. After a minute or so, shyness seemed to get the better of her and she looked down. Not wanting to end this intimate exchange, his hand reached down and caught her face, bringing it back up to look into her eyes. Slowly, he moved his head down and touched her lips with his in a soft kiss, conveying emotions to her without words. Almost as soon as he'd started, he moved his lips away from hers and studied her look. "Wow," she breathed, giggling slightly. "What's funny?" he asked, still keeping his gaze on her. "Oh... nothing," she replied, leaning back in his arms. "I was just thinking that this was the kind of thing I always dreamed about. When I was a teenager, anyway. After I got hurt a few times, I thought that this kind of thing was only in movies and that in real life, every man I met would hurt me until tonight." She paused. "Don't hurt me, Clark." "I don't want to hurt you, Lois. I'd never purposely hurt you," he told her, feeling awful. He knew that as soon as he told her he was Superman, she would be hurt. There was no way to avoid that. But Lois was obviously vulnerable at the moment, so telling her he wouldn't hurt her was probably best. And what he was telling her *was* the truth. He wasn't trying to purposely hurt her. Lois smiled in response. "I know, Clark. It might take me some time to totally believe that, though. It's nothing against you -- after a year and a half, I know how sweet and honest you are about everything. I've just been hurt so much in the past, though..." "It's okay, Lois," he told her. "I'm not like those other... creeps... you trusted. I love you." Clark momentarily wondered if Lois was okay with such exchanges. After all, it had only been a few minutes since they'd both established to each other they were in love. They hadn't even arranged doing anything about it yet, although he intended to ask her on a date very soon. Things hadn't been done in the order he'd always planned -- he'd expected to go on many dates before telling Lois that he loved her. As it was, they hadn't even been on a first date. But she seemed comfortable enough at the moment, even after the small kiss he gave her. He looked down at her. She was leaned back into him, her head twisted around so she could see him. He realised that the position couldn't be very comfortable for her, and, keeping his arm around her, he pulled them both up into a sitting position. Lois winced and he winced too, knowing that he'd almost forgotten about her injured shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lois," he apologised. "I totally forgot about your shoulder." "It's okay, it really doesn't hurt that much. It was just the sudden movement, that's all," she replied. Silence descended upon them for a moment and Clark sensed that there was something else on Lois's mind that she was worried about. But knowing Lois, she wasn't likely to bring anything up herself, so it was up to him to try and get her to open up. "Lois? Is there something else that you want to talk to me about?" he asked quietly, keeping an arm around her shoulder and being careful not to injure her any more than he had already done. "Not really..." she started, trailing off. "It's just that I'm worried I've hurt you with what I said earlier. I didn't mean to make out like you were like the other guys who hurt me. But you turned pretty quiet after I said that and I don't want to have offended you but it seems like I might have." "Of course you didn't, Lois! I know that you're still vulnerable from what they did to you and I realise it will take time for you to get over that. But don't worry, you didn't hurt me. It's perfectly understandable that you're scared," he said reassuringly, wishing that he wouldn't have to hurt her, too. Now wasn't the time to suddenly spurt out he'd been keeping a secret from her for a year and a half, though. "I'm glad, Clark. And I'm sorry that I'm like this. I told myself that I wouldn't get involved with anybody from work ever again. While I know that you're a great person, my head is telling me to be cautious," she told him. "It's okay, Lois," he replied, smiling at her. He saw Lois looking up at him and noticed her slightly parted lips. He didn't know whether that was intended as an invitation to kiss her or not, but she looked irresistible. Her eyes were sparkling as she gazed at him and he felt the feelings in his heart swell for her. She parted her lips further and he moved his head down, letting his lips meet with hers in another tender, loving kiss. A hand moved through his hair and he sighed into Lois's mouth, deepening the kiss from the tender caress it started as, into a much more passionate kiss. The sensation of Lois's mouth on his was heady and he brought both of his arms to go around her waist, holding her gently as they continued to kiss. Taking care not to go near her shoulder and listening for any sounds of discomfort she might make, he pulled her closer to him so their bodies were pressed against one another's. He felt Lois's embrace on him increase as her tongue probed at his lips and he parted them further, allowing her to make total contact with him. Clark felt as if he were in heaven. Lois, the woman he was in love with, was in his arms and responding to his kisses with fervour. And she was in love with him. The scene that he'd dreamed about for so long was finally happening. Kissing her felt incredible. They'd shared kisses before, but nothing like this. He recalled the ruse kissing they'd done before and remembered how he thought those were great. But kissing Lois for real, knowing she loved him... it was amazing. He only wished it could stay like that. As soon as he confessed to Lois, there would be no more of this. He wondered how he could be here, kissing her passionately when he knew he was going to have to hurt her. He wondered what sort of a person he really was when it came down to it. "Oh, Clark..." she sighed into his mouth as she took a moment for air. He looked at her for a tender moment, their lips only a fraction away from each other. Not able to bear being so close to her and yet so far for any longer, he took a hold of her lips again with his own and continued to kiss her with the same passion as before. They continued to share their loving exchange a while longer until he felt Lois's delicate hand move to his shirt and begin to unfasten the buttons. "Lois?" he asked, slightly breathless. "Make love to me, Clark..." she whispered into him. At his taken aback look, she continued. "I mean, I know that the way my shoulder is, I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but I..." she trailed off. He couldn't believe it. This was one of the moments that he'd been waiting for all his life. He'd waited until he met somebody perfect to make love to and she was sitting in front of him, only inches away from him. Lois was the woman he loved. And she was asking him to make love to her. It seemed like he should be overjoyed and he was... but he couldn't do it. How could he make the hurt she would have when she found out the true even worse by making love to her? "Lois, we can't... it's too soon..." he replied, using all his will power. Much as he knew he couldn't make love to her, having her pressed up against him and seeing her hands playing with the part of his chest she exposed when unfastening his buttons was lowering his resolves. She momentarily stopped her ministrations and looked him straight in the eyes. "Clark... I almost lost you. You nearly died and you didn't know how I felt about you. It made me realise that I could lose you at any time, without warning. Please, Clark... please, make love to me." Clark felt all resolve drain from him. He couldn't believe how much she was opening up to him and revealing her true feelings. He'd seen Lois like this very rarely before. She always kept such a wall up around herself and her feelings, but now she was revealing exactly how she felt. How could he refuse her when she was asking him to make love to her? He'd never seen her as vulnerable as this before. She seemed desperate to be with him and from what she'd just revealed to him, she wanted to reassure herself that he was alive and that he loved her. There was no way he could tell her again that no, he couldn't make love to her. But what about her shoulder? That was certainly a reason not to do it. She'd only been released from the hospital that very same day. Could he really risk injuring her further? "I know, Lois," he told her, his voice almost a whisper. "But is this really what you want? You're upset now, but when tomorrow comes, are you going to regret it?" Lois shook her head. "No, Clark. I know this is what I want. You have to understand that. Unless... don't you want me?" she asked timidly. "Oh, Lois, of course I do!" he quickly replied. "It's something that I've dreamed of for such a long time. But I'm thinking of you. And what about your shoulder, anyway? I don't think it's safe." "It's fine, Clark," she told him. "It wasn't a deep wound, they told me at the ER. There isn't any risk." He'd admitted to her and to himself that he wanted this. He'd dreamt of this his entire life. Find his love. Find his...Lois. And that was who he would make love to. She was sitting right in front of him, pleading with him to make love to her. It seemed unreal, somehow, that the woman who was usually so protective of her feelings was the one to initiate things between them. But yet it was so unfair to her! She didn't know that he was Superman. Making love to her without telling her that, especially after what had happened, should be out of the question. He knew that Lois wanted -- needed -- to do this, though. "Please?" she asked in a voice that was almost inaudible. He took hold of her face with one hand and looked into her eyes, seeing the tears shimmering in them. Without given her an answer in words, he told her that he wanted to make love to her too. The expression in his own eyes conveyed his feelings to her and a small, shy smile appeared on her face. She nervously laughed, and turned her face away from his intent stare. Her fingers moved back down to his shirt, a couple of the buttons already undone from earlier. She worked slowly, and when he looked down, he saw that she was shaking slightly. One of his hands moved down to rest over her smaller, delicate hands and moved them away, ceasing her actions. Clark continued to undo his shirt himself, moving his head forward to kiss her once again when he had finished. "Oh, Clark..." he heard her whisper into his mouth in a way similar to how she had done before. The kiss deepened, filling with emotion and passion as they became pressed close against one another. He gave in to the kiss for a few moments longer before realising that neither of them could be very comfortable in the position they were in. "Maybe we should move from here," Clark suggested, knowing that Lois's sofas were more for decoration than comfort. "Yeah," Lois agreed breathlessly. He felt her arms slide from around him and he stood up, preparing to carry Lois into her bedroom. He gently brought his arms under her and lifted effortlessly, smiling at her as he did so. He held his breath as the reality of the situation came to him. He was going to make love to this amazing, gorgeous, responsive woman in his arms. And he was in love. For the time being, anyway. He knew that after their wonderful night that they would spent together, everything would be ripped apart. Even if he spent days thinking of ways to tell her his secret, there was no way she wouldn't be hurt. There wasn't any possible way of explaining things to her. The fact was simple; he'd lied to her about his true identity. And more than that, he'd almost let her be killed in that club when he had the ability to save her. There was nothing he could do to ease the shock and the pain of that, he mused sadly. But, at least for now, she loved him and wanted him. She was about to reveal herself completely to him, which proved that she trusted him. And she was in love with him. Maybe the secret identity thing wouldn't matter so much to her if she was truly in love. He could hope, anyway. He had to stop thinking of this. Tonight was going to be special; possibly one of the greatest moments of his life. And for these few short hours, he would not let himself think about the Superman issue. Tonight was just he and Lois. Nothing else mattered. Wanting to spend as much intimate time with her as possible before she had to be told the cruel truth, he carried her across the room and towards her bedroom, kissing her softly as he walked, while wishing he didn't have to cause her so much pain the next day. *** In the early hours of the morning, Clark awoke. At first he was confused by the surroundings, but everything soon became coherent. He was in Lois's apartment, in her bed. And he was lying next to her, her body entwined with his own. Hair softly framed her face, which, combined with her peaceful sleep, made her look almost angelic. He mused that he'd never seen her look so beautiful. Glancing over at the alarm clock on Lois's bedside table, he saw that it was barely after four AM. He decided to let her sleep. He was surprised at how long she'd managed to stay awake the previous day, what with going to the ER and also having to give extensive statements about the shooting down at the police station. And then the talk. Lois had gotten pretty upset about some things, which must have worn her out. They'd made love for hours. He'd been oblivious to the time when he'd been so intimate with Lois, but he knew that it couldn't have been all that long since they'd fallen into sleep together. Gently, he propped himself up onto one arm and gazed at Lois. She was so perfect. This was exactly how he'd imagined the first time he made love to be. Spending hours filled with kisses, caresses and tenderness together. Waking up and spending time together just being with each other. And more... it was with a woman he desperately loved, and who he now knew loved him back. Marriage had always seemed like the time when he would first make love, but it wasn't made any less perfect by the fact that they hadn't even dated. Lois was still Lois -- beautiful, responsive... breathtaking. And right now, he couldn't get enough of her. She looked so peaceful and sated that he would be content to just stay awake and watch her softly sleep. However, everything wasn't perfect. He sharply drew his face away from looking at her. Why prolong the false feeling that everything had been perfect? He knew perfectly well that soon this all had to end. But for now... he still had a couple of hours left to sleep with her and hold her in his arms. He had to be at work that day, but surely Lois was going to take the day off. Or knowing Lois, maybe not. Turning back towards her, he looked at her shoulder. The pad which the hospital had provided was still in place, but it seemed to be clean and free from any more blood. He reached to pull his glasses down and momentarily found himself surprised when they weren't there. But then he saw them lying on Lois's bedside table and with a smile, he remembered how she'd tenderly removed them from his face earlier and looked into his eyes. Quickly, he remembered he was supposed to be x-raying underneath the pad on Lois's shoulder. Sending a burst of x-ray vision her way, he noted that her shoulder seemed okay. There was a lot of bruising around the wound area, which couldn't be very comfortable for her, but overall it looked like it would heal well. He knew that Lois would try and hide any pain she was in from him, though, so he wasn't really sure if it was hurting her. After finishing examining her, he relaxed and closed his eyes, trying in vain to sleep again. His arm slipped around Lois's waist and he pulled her close to him, being careful not to wake her. She fitted together perfectly with him, he mused. Minutes rolled on in the seemingly ending early morning and he slowly began to drift off to sleep with Lois in his arms. In her deep sleep, she moved towards him little by little and obviously seemed to be dreaming of something. As he continued to hold her closely to him, a noise interrupted him. Realising instantly that it was a cry for help, he was suddenly faced with a tough decision. Save the person who needed help, or stay with Lois? With a heavy heart, he knew that he had to help the person who was calling him. Much as he wanted to stay with Lois, hold her, be with her and wake up with her, he couldn't possibly ignore someone who was in trouble. Gently, he crept out of Lois's bed and headed through into the living area, quickly realising he was naked, and grabbed his boxer shorts. The only place where he could leave Lois's apartment was through one of the big windows, which weren't exactly inconspicuous, but would have to do. He walked over to where he'd dispensed with his jacket earlier and fumbled in one of the pockets. Finally he found the small, square-shaped object and quickly pulled it out. Having the suit folded up into such a small state had proved to be a lot more handy than wearing it under his clothes. Not only did he hate not being able to wear short-sleeved shirts in the summer, but he also continually ran the risk of somebody discovering the suit. The idea to squash the whole thing up into a tiny object had been his own. He couldn't be more thankful for that idea now. If Lois had discovered the suit under his clothes when she'd tentatively started to undress him last night, then everything would have been over before it had begun. At super speed, he unfolded the spandex lump into his suit and spun into it, trying not to make any noise that would wake Lois. Laughing briefly for a second, he imagined what would have happened if he'd forgotten to bring the suit with him. A half-naked Superman flying across the city would be a bit of a shock for some people! But standing around thinking such things wasn't getting him to the rescue any quicker, so he moved across towards the window, opening it gently and flying through it. He made sure to leave it slightly open so he could return back through after the rescue, hoping Lois wouldn't wake up early and discover it. The call for help shouldn't take him too long; an all-night shop was under armed robbery. Hopefully, by the time Lois was awake, he'd already be back at her apartment. If not, how on earth would he explain it? He'd have to cross that bridge when he came to it, though, because he needed to get to the rescue... *** The obnoxious sound of the alarm clock woke Lois from her sleep and she quickly slammed it off. She frowned; she'd been having a wonderful dream. Recalling last night's wonderful events instantly, she rolled over to see if Clark was still sleeping. With shock, she realised that he wasn't with her. Running her hand over his imprint, she discovered that it wasn't even warm. Clearly, Clark had not been there for quite a while. Lois moved her eyes up towards the ceiling, praying to herself that she hadn't been fooled again by a man. The night she'd spent with Clark had been amazing, exquisite even. After they were finally sated, Lois had fallen asleep in Clark's arms quickly, musing about how wonderful it would be to wake up in Clark's arms. But now she found herself alone. Just where was Clark? She hoped with desperation that he was only using the bathroom, and would be back any minute now, apologetic for missing her wake up. Resolving to wait for if -- no, *when* -- he came back, she pulled the sheet over herself. However, a couple of minutes passed by and Lois found she could wait no longer. She pulled herself up from the comfort of the bed and quickly grabbed the robe that was hanging on the end of the bedstead. Wrapping it around herself, she proceeded to call Clark's name. When she heard no response, she ventured towards the bathroom. She peered into the room, listening for any signs that Clark might be in the shower. But it was pretty obvious that he wasn't and her face fell in dismay and sadness. That seemed like the only place that Clark could have been. Trying to stay hopeful, though, she made her way towards the bedroom door, telling herself that Clark could be doing something as simple as watching the television. It didn't seem very plausible, but she didn't want to believe that Clark was like the others. Standing still for an instant, she tried to prepare herself for when she would surely discover that Clark wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. She leaned back against the wall, feeling the coolness of it on her hands. Trying so hard not to give up hope was difficult. The scene was so familiar to the one in which she had woken up to find herself without Claude. She shuddered as she recalled it. After that, she'd told herself to never trust anyone again. And she had. With Clark, he'd seemed like the perfect guy. >From all the things he'd said to her last night, after she'd confessed her feelings for him, she'd truly believed that he was different. He knew she had fears about things; she'd told him that much. And... and he'd told her that he understood. But had he really? It seemed not. Or maybe he just realised how vulnerable she actually was and realised she was perfect for taking advantage of. Who knew, maybe he'd done this to many women before? She knew that before he'd settled down in Metropolis, he'd travelled the world. It was impossible to know how many hearts he might have broken by making lo... having *sex* with people and then leaving them. A tiny voice inside Lois protested that it had been making love, though. The things she'd felt with Clark had been very different to what she'd felt with anybody else. He'd made her feel beautiful and loved. All her past experiences paled in comparison to Clark. When they'd made love, it had truly felt like making love. And what was more, he'd said that he loved her. While it could have been an excuse to get her into bed, she didn't want to believe it. The sincerity in his voice last night had been clear. Deciding she couldn't wait any longer, she moved to open the bedroom door and see if Clark really had used her. *** After the rescue, Clark flew quickly back to Lois's. The rescue itself hadn't taken a long time, and luckily, he'd managed to get there in time. The shop owner had almost been hysterical, though, and it had been necessary to stay for longer than he'd intended, to make sure he was okay. He briefly noted that he'd saved that store from armed robbery before that week, but didn't have time to dwell on it. It didn't seem to have taken too long, though, and Clark hoped he'd made it back on time. However, he had no idea what time it was now. If Lois was already awake, then how could he explain himself? She would be steaming angry with him. This wasn't the way he wanted Lois to find out! What would happen if Lois happened to see him fly back in as Superman? He desperately hoped that wouldn't happen. Seeing Lois's apartment ahead of him, he slowed down and floated in through the window. That was a good sign that Lois wasn't about yet, as it was still open just the way he left it. Leaving the window open had been a very good idea -- if he'd have closed it, he would have been forced to re- enter through the door. But if the door had been locked... he wouldn't have been able to get back in. He quickly spun out of the suit and back into his boxer shorts, using his super strength to turn the suit back into the spandex lump. He walked across the room to his jacket and replaced it in his inside pocket, buttoning it up to keep it in place. He couldn't possibly afford for it to fall out and have Lois notice it. >From what he could tell straight away, it seemed like Lois was still in bed. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he checked the time. To his surprise, it was still quite a bit before six AM. He knew that Lois's alarm went off at six, so she was probably still in bed! He sighed with great relief. Coming back from the rescue and have her see him do it certainly wasn't what he wanted to do. Creeping gently towards the bedroom, he hoped that Lois wasn't sitting in there waiting for him. As quietly as he could manage, he opened the bedroom door to find Lois still sleeping, her breathing gentle and a smile on her face. He considered getting back in bed with her and having her wake up in his arms, but he didn't want to run the risk of disturbing her as he climbed in the bed. By the time they'd finally fallen asleep, it had been well into the early hours of the morning, and what with all the events of the previous days, she must be tired. But he knew what Lois was like, and no doubt she wouldn't let herself have an extra few hours in bed. Seeing as he had some time to kill before she awoke, he decided to make her breakfast. But first, he crept over to the bedside table where his glasses were and placed them back on his face. He gently walked back out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him, heading towards the kitchen. *** Lois's hand gripped the bedroom door handle tightly. She'd thought she'd prepared herself for leaving the room, but try as she might, she couldn't make herself open the door. Tears slowly began to rise in her eyes as she realised the chances of Clark being out there were slim. But still... she couldn't quite bring herself to believe that he would do such a thing. Clark had always been a gentleman towards her... then again, so had Claude. Until he'd persuaded her to sleep with him. Feeling the anger flow through her when she remembered what he'd done, she jerked the door open and began to march forward, only to be stopped by a wonderful smell. Lois quickly identified it: breakfast was cooking. Rushing out of the room in an altogether happier manner, she advanced to her kitchen and found Clark standing over the cooker, preparing what looked like a delightful meal. The table was set neatly and carefully and was already decked out with toast and coffee. She quickly wiped all trace of the tears from her eyes. "Oh, Clark..." she sighed, seeing the effort he'd gone to. She chastised herself again and again for even allowing herself to think that Clark could ever be like that monster, Claude. Clark spun around, a heart-warming smile on his face. "Hey, Lois! I thought you wouldn't be able to let yourself go and sleep for a while longer, so I thought I'd prepare you some breakfast," he told her, laughing. "It looks wonderful!" Lois gushed. She was having a hard time concentrating on just what he was making, considering he was only wearing his boxer shorts. Her mind rushed back to the previous night, when she'd seen just what was beneath those. And then his chest... it was hard to believe how she'd managed to ignore how totally gorgeous this man was for over a year. "I've made us some bacon, eggs, and the toast is already on the table. But the best part..." he trailed off, moving to the other side of the cooker, "is this!" he exclaimed with a wide grin, gesturing towards some pancakes. "It sounds delicious!" she replied, her eyes lighting up. "You're so sweet." "Thanks," he grinned. "Why not sit down? It won't be long." Lois did just that and sat down, looking forward to the breakfast that Clark was making her. So that's why he'd gotten up before her! Not because he'd used her or anything like that. She couldn't believe she'd thought such awful thoughts about Clark. She should have known that he'd never do anything like that to her. Resigning to put it down to her fragile stage from previous relationships, she continued to smile and allowed herself to keep sneaking in the odd glance at Clark's... rear assets. Only seconds later, Clark came to the table with the first of the plates. Everything smelled wonderful. She certainly hadn't had breakfast like this for a while, especially with her lack of cooking skills! Gratefully taking the plate from Clark, she smiled and placed it down in front of her. "What do you think?" he asked, his tone light. Lois quickly took a bite. "Oh, Clark, it's great!" she exclaimed. "You're so good at this." "Well, I guess being a farmboy is some good," he shot at her, a broad grin on his face. "Don't you think?" "Yeah," she admitted shyly, suddenly remembering the numerous insults she'd thrown at Clark in the early days of knowing each other. "Clark... I'm sorry about calling you a farmboy," she told him, dropping her head. "Hey, Lois, I wasn't saying anything against you! I was only joking..." he trailed off, shocked by Lois's reaction. "I know, Clark," she replied. "I guess it just brought it back to me... I was so awful to you when we first met." "Well, that was a long time ago, Lois. And besides, I wasn't insulted. You made me laugh most of the time!" he told her, trying to reassure her. "Really?" she asked. "Of course! Yes, sometimes you weren't very pleasant to me, but it was a long time ago now. That was before you really got to know me." He paused and she studied his face. "And besides, I guess you could say I am a farmboy sometimes. Look at all my farmer's muscles!" he added with a grin. She laughed back, attempting to give him a glare but failed. Her face grew serious again. "Thank you, Clark," she told him. Realising that the breakfast he had made her must be starting to go cold, she took some more bites of it. "You know, I'd better not get used to this!" she exclaimed. "Why not?" he enquired. "Because all that work at the gym would be gone to waste if I had such a breakfast every morning!" she replied with a laugh, and suddenly realised what she was implying. Would she be staying with Clark every night now? After all, she still didn't know how he felt about what had happened. He seemed to be feeling the same about things as she was last night, making her a delicious breakfast. She wondered if she should approach the subject first, but then decided against it. Surely she'd embarrassed herself last night, what with telling Clark about her feelings. She knew that she wasn't the type of person to start a topic as serious as that, and when she did, she hardly ever felt comfortable continuing. But Clark was different, though. Normally, she always felt comfortable around Clark. He didn't probe too hard for information, neither did he laugh at her if she couldn't tell him something straight away. Still, she didn't want to bring up the subject of last night, and where they were going to go from here. Suddenly, she remembered that they were in the middle of a conversation. She tuned back in, in time to hear Clark finish laughing and continue the light banter that had started. "Oh, you won't get this every morning," he told her with a wink. Lois knew that she had to find out what that comment meant. Embarrassing as it would be to bring up the subject, she had to find out. "Clark..." she began quietly. "Yes, Lois?" "I was just wondering..." She stopped and took a deep breath. "I was just wondering what happens now... with us?" "How do you mean?" he questioned. Lois mentally cursed him for not understanding what she meant. "Well, I mean, we admitted last night that we both love each other. And I meant it, of course, but you were tired. I guess I'm wondering if you actually meant it too?" His breakfast forgotten, Clark moved his chair around the table so he was close to Lois. "Of course I did, Lois! Everything I said last night was the truth." He cupped her face in his hands and she sighed, wishing she didn't have so much mistrust for men remaining from past disasters. "I'm sorry, Clark," she told him, looking into his eyes. "It's okay, Lois! I know you've been hurt a lot before. But I mean it when I say I love you, Lois. I've loved you for so long now," he said. She saw him lean forwards and then his lips joined with hers in a sweet kiss. It was over as soon as it began, but Lois smiled. "So, are we still going to go on that date?" she asked, her smile turning into a grin. "Yes!" he told her with enthusiasm. She couldn't help noticing some hesitation on his face, but dismissed it as her overactive imagination. "How about tomorrow evening? I know a great little French place we could go to." "Tomorrow night sounds good," she replied, growing excited about the prospect of going on a real date with Clark. It seemed strange knowing that they were already in love and just having their first date, but also fun at the same time. And neither of them would have to wonder what the other person thought of them. Lois briefly wondered whether their making love was a one- off thing. Clark hadn't said anything about it and she was confused as to whether he would want to repeat the experience. It must have been obvious to him that she was upset last night, but did he think she had just wanted to make love to him because of that? Because she'd needed comforting? "About last night," she started, dipping her head away from him. "What exactly did it mean to you?" "Lois," he said softly, putting a hand on her cheek and lifting her head back up to meet his eyes. "Last night meant everything to me. It was perfect. Yes, I always thought I'd make love to you when we'd been together for a long time, but it was still perfect." Lois processed what Clark had told her and smiled widely. "You've thought about us making love before?" She saw Clark blush slightly. "I guess I have." Lois felt extremely guilty again for what she'd thought earlier about him. Obviously, making love was very special for him and not something that he took lightly. She recalled last night when she'd pleaded with him, how he'd made sure that it was totally what she wanted and not just something she'd regret the morning after. How had she managed to think that Clark would ever use her and then leave her? "I was also wondering... was it just a one-night stand for now? I mean, I know I was upset last night and you probably only did it because I made it hard for you to say no... but is that it?" She flushed and pulled her face away from Clark's grasp with embarrassment. "Lois..." he began, taking her into his arms. "Listen to me. Last night was great. And it wasn't because you made it hard to say no, or anything like that. We both said we loved each other and that made it special. It wasn't just some random thing I did. I always knew that I'd make love to someone I loved and I have." She nodded into his shoulder and he continued. "As for where we go from here... that's up to you. If you don't want to make love with me again until after we've dated for a while longer, then that's okay! I've always thought that people shouldn't rush into things until they're really ready..." Lois was lost for words. It was hard to believe that Clark was giving her the *choice*. Yes, he was very gentlemanly and sweet, but he was still a man! Would he really resolve to not make love to her if she chose that she didn't want to? He'd given his word, though, and knowing Clark, he would. Processing the other things he'd said, it was now very obvious that their encounter had been very precious to him. He was possibly the only man she knew that would have such feelings about making love. Her mind drifted back. All through the night he'd been thoughtful, caring, and selfless. The men she'd known only took their own pleasure and forgot about her. She sighed. Should she give Clark an answer now about the question of sleeping together? To be truthful, it was hard to know what she wanted. After Claude, she'd vowed not to let any other man in that soon, if at all. Clark and she hadn't even had a first date yet, though, so it made more sense for them to wait and get to know each other better. But a little voice protested that they already knew each other. They were best friends and had known each other for a year and a half! And also... did she really want to give up what she had felt last night? It had been one of the best experiences of her life. Would it be possible to still be close to each other, kiss and hug each other and be able to keep things at that? What with the memory of last night and Clark sitting beside her in just his boxer shorts, she didn't think it was possible. Gently, she pulled herself out of the hug she'd been enveloped in and looked at Clark. His eyes were soft and she saw the love in his eyes. It was all for her. To know that he loved her like that was almost overwhelming. Never before had she seen someone look at her with such adoration. "Wow," she finally whispered, still shocked by the sincerity of his speech. "I'm not quite sure how to reply to that, Clark. We'll see how things go, okay? I mean, lat night was perfect for me too... oh, it's so hard to know what I want! But I know that I love you." Clark smiled at her in return. "I know, Lois. But I'll wait for you as long as you need." "You're so wonderful," she told him, looking intently into his eyes. "Being so great over my insecurities, and making me this wonderful breakfast. Speaking of which... are the pancakes burning?" she asked, suddenly noticed the smell of burnt food -- a smell she was often faced with -- lingering around the room. "Oh, yes!" Clark exclaimed, jumping up from his chair and over to the stove. "I'd forgotten about those!" Lois laughed. "Finally, somebody whose cooking is worse than mine!" "Hey!" he said loudly. "Are you saying this isn't first rate food?" With that, he held up the pan filled with charred pancakes, stuck to the pan. "Well... I guess it's better than some of my things," she admitted. "But I can say I've never ruined a pan!" Only because you've never tried to use one!" he joked back, giving her a playful grin. Enjoying the playful banter they were sharing, she leapt up off her chair and slapped him lightly on the shoulder. To her delight, Clark smiled widely and threw the pan down, grabbed Lois into his arms and held her close to him. "I do believe you're feeling playful, Ms Lane?" he giggled, holding her in his grasp. She grinned back in response and twisted herself around in his arms, kissing him quickly on his lips. He leaned forwards, trying to catch her lips again, but she pulled away, keeping him in suspense. Lois felt shocked about how natural everything felt. She'd never have imagined that being so playful when kissing Clark would be so easy. Sure, they often had this kind of banter as friends, but this was different. They were lovers now. Lois's breath was momentarily taken aback as she thought that over. When she'd first met him, who would have thought they would have ended up like this? If only she'd seen all this at the beginning! Clark and she would have been together for a while now. She knew he'd been attracted to her in the early days. Maybe they would have even been engaged by now. That shocked her even more than the fact they were now lovers. How could she be thinking about it? Of course, it was too soon yet... but she knew that Clark was perfect for her. That seemed like it should be a scary thought, especially since she hadn't long known that she loved him, but it wasn't. She could quite easily see herself, in a year or so, being engaged to Clark. Turning her attention back to him, she saw him barely inches away from her face, his lips parted. She again realised just how gorgeous he looked, especially with his hair tousled, curls falling down over his forehead. And his glasses. It seemed strange, but his glasses seemed to finish his face off perfectly, making him look even more attractive. She leaned forward and kissed him again, this time less playfully and more passionately. She wrapped her arms around his head and ran her hands through the hair she'd just been admiring. The kiss between them deepened and Lois parted her lips, allowing Clark's tongue to access her mouth fully. Sighing as she tasted the coffee on him, she continued to press herself further against him, kissing him with fervour. Reluctantly, she began to break the kiss off. "Clark..." she started breathlessly, "we really should start getting ready for work." She saw Clark pull away, a slight scowl on his face. "Lois, Perry told you to take today off!" he exclaimed. "I know he did, but I'm feeling fine. I guess I'm still shocked about what happened, but nothing that will stop me from doing my job!" she reassured him. "But you must be in pain, Lois. You were trying to hide it from me yesterday, but I saw you wincing several times," he informed her. "Okay, so I'm in some pain, I'll admit that. But I have medication. And besides, it doesn't hurt enough for me to take the whole day off work!" "I really think it would be better --" "No!" she interrupted. "I'm going to work." Clark threw his hands in the air and she giggled. "Well, I'm going back into the bedroom to get changed. Are you going to wear the clothes you were wearing yesterday, or are you going to go back to your apartment to get some fresh clothes?" she asked. "I think I'll wear the ones I wore yesterday," he replied. "That way we can ride into work together." "Okay." She smiled and stood up, walking towards the bedroom. It seemed impossible that the same time yesterday, she was lying in a hospital bed and Clark was totally oblivious to how she felt about him. Now... everything was falling into place. As she opened the bedroom door, she felt Clark behind her, his arms around her waist. "We'll never get to work at this rate!" she said with a laugh. "Sure we will," he whispered gently into her ear and she felt a shiver of pleasure. With that, he walked around to the other side of the bed to gather his clothes. He quickly pulled them on, and Lois watched him. Those suits he wore really did nothing to show off his body. She grinned to herself as she realised she was quite sad that she wouldn't be able to see him in just his boxer shorts all day. Suddenly, she felt very shy about getting changed in front of Clark. She knew she had no reason to be embarrassed, but in all her previous relationships, the man hadn't stayed around long enough to see her getting changed so she wasn't used to it. And besides... removing your clothes in the midst of kissing was one thing; stripping in front of Clark was something different all together. As if he sensed her uneasiness, he came over to her. "I can wait in the living room if it'd make you feel better," he offered. "Would you mind?" she asked quietly. "It's just... oh, I don't know. But I'd feel better." "Okay," he replied and left the room, closing the door behind him. *** Clark left Lois alone in the bedroom and sighed. Lois was so happy. That was a great thing and he was so relieved that she didn't regret anything, but it would make it all the more harder for him to tell her about Superman. He'd already reassured her that he loved her and that he'd stay with her. But she'd be so upset when she found out. And now they'd planned a date. He'd wanted to tell Lois about himself as soon as possible, but now he was torn. Should he wait until after their date tomorrow evening to tell her? He knew he should... but he wanted to go out on a real, proper date with her. Who knew how long it would be after he'd told her before she was willing to trust her again? He wondered if Lois would ever forgive him. He had no idea how he was even going to tell her his secret, but he hoped he would be able to find a way in which to do so and not make himself look totally bad. Sighing, he realised that if he'd told her before now, she might not have been so angry with him. But she'd risked her life to save him because she thought he was going to die. If she'd known that he was invulnerable... she wouldn't have done it. When she knew that she'd almost died for no reason, she'd be fuming. There was no way to ease that, as he'd established to himself earlier. And they'd made love. The most intimate thing they could possibly share. If only he'd told Lois sooner! No matter how much he thought that over, he knew it wouldn't change anything. Cursing himself seemed liked the thing to do, but it didn't ease his torture at all. He and Lois had been best friends for a long time now and there was no excuse for not telling her before now. Well, there was one. The main reason he'd withheld his secret identity from her. He'd wanted to know that she wanted him for who he was, Clark. Not Superman. But even that seemed a feeble reason, given that he'd thought they'd never be anything more than friends. There was always that chance, though... and it had happened. Now he did know that Lois loved him for just being Clark, but was that worth not telling her? After all, what if she decided she no longer loved him when she'd found out about how he lied to her? The sound of the door opening interrupted his musings, leaving him still wondering just when he should tell her. "You ready?" she asked him. "I normally take a shower and wash my hair, but I didn't want to keep you waiting too long." "Yeah, I'm ready," he told her. "And don't worry, you look great." He smiled when he saw Lois blush slightly. It felt so good to be able to say such things to her now. It was obvious that she enjoyed being complimented, too. Oh, it was always obvious with her writing, but it was special to be able to tell her just how beautiful she was. "Thanks," she replied, a shy smile appearing on her face. "What about the mess?" Clark asked, suddenly remembering the burnt food and discarded places still strewn around the kitchen. "I'll do it later," she replied. He was shocked when she proceeded to take his hand in his. "You coming?" she asked. He simply smiled at her in reply and they walked towards the door. He grabbed his jacket and saw Lois pick up hers and he helped her put it on. "Hey, this doesn't mean you can baby-sit me now," she joked. "I'm not," he replied in mock offence. "I know," she replied, grinning, and, putting her arms in the jacket, turned around to face Clark. He laughed and pulled his own jacket on. Lois picked up her bag, slung it onto her shoulder and opened the door, holding it until Clark followed behind her. *** The car journey to work was mostly filled was light banter. Much to Lois's disdain, Clark had insisted on driving the car because she wasn't well enough to do it herself. Although she had to admit that she was still in a quite a bit of pain, so in retrospect, she was pleased she'd given in and let him drive her there. Now they were in the elevator, silence descending over them, though not an awkward one. Clark seemed to be lost in deep thought, his face turning into a slight frown. "Anything wrong?" she asked lightly, worried that he had started to change his mind about them. He'd seemed fine this morning, but if he had... she couldn't bear it. "What? Oh, no, nothing is wrong," he reassured, but Lois wasn't convinced. He'd seem to be pretty agitated by something or other. "Are