By Jana L. Officer <4EverLnC@journalist.com>
Submitted: May 2003
Summary: Lois's tangled life is seen from a fresh and slightly surprising perspective in this vignette.
Author's Note: This is for Saskia, who gave me a couple of silly ideas to run with. This fic is just a bit of silliness that came into my head one night, nothing more!
Disclaimer: There is one original character in this fic. The others are not my creation and do not belong to me. I am merely playing with them a little.
I guess I should start by introducing myself. My name is Serena and I am, well, a fish. I'm named after the famous reporter Serena Judd. Never heard of her? Maybe that's because she was never the same after… er, I digress. Back to me.
I reside in the tank of one Lois Lane, Ace Reporter for the Daily Planet. In most homes, being confined to a tank would be boring. Not here. Not for me. And by now, I'm sure it is obvious why I might need to keep a diary. My life is really not the ordinary life of a fish.
See, Lois tends to bring excitement back to her apartment with her on a fairly regular basis. Now, she may bring excitement with her other places too, but I wouldn't know about that. I've lived here ever since Lois stumbled into the pet store on a whim. I have no complaints though. As we've already established, I live an exciting life.
Like the time Mr. Makeup tried to kill Lois right here in the apartment. That would have been a bad thing, of course. He didn't succeed though and that ended up as just one more time living with Lois proved to be more interesting than living with the average human. Within a couple of days, you'll see how cool my life is, but I'm off to sleep for now.
Clark Kent came by this morning on his way to work. Have you ever heard of him? He is Lois's kind, intelligent, and good looking partner. The only partner she will even work with. She dragged her heels a little when Perry first put them together, but it has been a year and I don't hear her complaining about it anymore.
Anyway, when Clark came by this morning, Lois instantly snapped out of her "I don't want to be awake yet," mode and was actually almost chipper by the time they headed out the door together. She's in love with him, you know. She'll deny it, heck, I don't think she can even admit it to herself, but she's definitely in love with him. She is so much… more when he is around. More passionate, more fiery. And even if she doesn't know it and he doesn't notice it, her eyes light up whenever he walks into the room. Even when she is mad at him.
And he's in love with her. I think the whole world knows that part. He would do anything for her, I'm sure of that. I can't figure out why he hasn't asked her out yet. He's probably worried about rejection, but then Clark doesn't really seem like the type to be afraid of anything. This is all a mystery to me. I just wish one of them would step up to the plate already. It is frustrating to sit (or swim) on the sidelines, wondering when fate will *finally* intervene. Hmm… fate. I can't think of a more appropriate close for tonight.
Uh oh. Lois is trying to cook. Erm, maybe trying is too generous. This rare event is probably the most exciting thing that happens around here. Yes, more exciting than any bad guy she has run across, more exciting than seeing Superman up close, etc., etc.
I have no idea why she is doing the "Of course I can cook!" thing tonight. I just know that she came in muttering something about being independent and self-sufficient. Probably an argument with Clark. Who knows? She usually only attempts cooking when she is expecting someone… Clark or Lucy mostly. And I don't know why she bothers trying to impress either one. They both know she can't cook. She has been yelling, which I never like, but the worst part is that she seems close to tears. Lois just doesn't lose it very often. When she does, well, she comes completely undone.
Now she keeps mumbling something about someone named Mayson Drake. I think what she's saying is, "I'm sure Mayson Drake is a great cook." Whatever that means. You know, for being such a great person, Lois can sure be confusing. Who is Mayson and why would Lois care whether or not this Mayson person can cook? Something to ponder. Usually Clark is the only one who can get to Lois. Not tonight though. Apparently Clark has nothing to do with Lois being upset.
Okay, I'm closing for tonight, Diary. Those noises in the kitchen are frightening.
P.S. That'd better be chicken I smell burning.
Earlier tonight, as I was swimming around, I noticed a shadow outside the window. Somewhat strange because Lois doesn't live on the first floor.
Before I had a chance to really react, Lois came back into the room. That woman and her reporter's instinct. I'm telling you, I think she sensed something was wrong from clear over in her bedroom.
As she came back into the room, the shadow came swinging through the window. Apparently he had rappelled down the side of the building. Inventive. I'll give him that. Usually Lois' garden-variety intruders come in through the door.
Back to what happened. Glass went flying everywhere and to be perfectly frank, I was scared out of my mind. I hid as best as a fish in a glass tank can, then realized the intruder probably didn't care about me one way or the other. I decided I'd better watch what was going on, keep an eye on Lois and all. The man landed on the floor of her apartment and Lois attacked him with tongs she had managed to pick up in the kitchen. Yes, she thinks of everything.
He was wrestling with Lois and trying to avoid the tongs, when Clark came through the door. He grabbed the "Shadow" and held him down while Lois called the police. As they waited, Lois fired questions at the "Shadow." I gathered she is convinced that he was working for Intergang. That organization has been mad at her for awhile now. The police picked up the bad guy, which ended that fun.
Clark offered to stay the night, but Lois refused with a toss of her head. "I'm fine. I don't need a baby-sitter, Clark." She sure hides her love well. And to me the most intriguing thing about the whole day was the fact that it was Clark that showed up when Lois needed help. Normally, that is Superman's job. I guess Supes was busy. But Clark wasn't. He was here the moment Lois needed him. That should tell her something, ya know?
Lois tried to go back to bed after Clark left, but she was back out in the living room within an hour. She paced back and forth for several minutes, then walked over to my tank. "There's nothing to worry about, really."
Ah, sure, that's why she's still awake, right? She can be so transparent! Back to our dialogue (yes, I talk back, even if she can't hear me).
"I'll be fine. I don't know what Clark's problem is. He always does things like this. I don't need him looking over my shoulder. I don't need anyone looking over my shoulder!"
"Then I guess my services aren't needed here?"
Lois jumped at the voice coming from her window and turned to see Superman.
"Do you talk to your fish often, Lois?" He laughed at the idea, which made me feel a little indignant.
"Oh, Superman… I wasn't meaning you, really. Did Clark send you?"
"No, I heard about the excitement you had here and thought I'd keep an eye on you tonight… if that's okay with you."
"Sure." She had that ridiculous dreamy teenage crush look in her eyes.
"Okay, first things first. Why don't I fix this window for you?"
"That would be great, but good luck finding glass this time of night."
"Actually, I already have some." He grinned a sweet boyish grin. "This will just take a second." It actually took about ten seconds, but he fixed it and then waved goodbye with a promise that he would be watching. I must admit, even if Lois didn't care, I appreciated knowing he was keeping an eye on her.
Whew! That's all I can take for one day. I think I'll sleep in tomorrow.
Lois is running around like a mad woman trying to get ready for tonight. She's going to a movie with — Clark! But, "It's not a date." If you can believe that. I can't remember the last time she put so much effort into her appearance when she was going out. That includes back when she was dating Lex Luthor.
Interesting, isn't it? She just can't bring herself to admit that she is in love with him. I wonder how long that will last. I think she just needs a little… Oh, that must be Clark knocking. I'll finish this later.
Lois and Clark are on their way to the movie now. Lois made Clark wait a bit after he got here. First her hair wasn't quite right and then her skirt was wrinkled. Poor Clark spent ten minutes here in the living room just staring into my tank. Finally, he convinced her that she looked great and they left. Food for thought… watching Clark tonight gave me an idea… Slick his hair back a little, take off the glasses and he would look just like — no. Couldn't be. If that were true, surely Lois would have figured it out by now.