A Gift for Life By StopQuitDont and Jenni Debbage Rated PG-13 Submitted October 2004 An introduction for 'A Gift For Life' -- also a warning. A Gift For Life is a 'what if' story that takes place during Season 1 of 'Lois and Clark'. Although we use the background of the show, the plot quickly goes in its own direction. The premise of this story is a serious and somewhat controversial one. Any reader who has issues with the idea of having a child as a donor to cure a loved one should probably not venture further. However, we have tried to portray this question as sensitively as possible and no character in this story treats the subject lightly. For those of you who decide you would like to read the story, we hope you agree that we've handled the dilemma as responsibly as possible and that you actually enjoy the journey of Lois and Clark as they find their way through to a happy ending. The usual disclaimers apply to this story. The main characters do not belong to either of us, but we have borrowed them for a time. We hope you like what we've done with them and we welcome all feedback, though we would ask you to be tactful... neither of us are invulnerable. SQD & Jenni Debbage A Gift For Life by StopQuitDont & Jenni Debbage Chapter 1 A Bolt from the Blue The hum and chatter of the busy newsroom eddied around Clark Kent as he sat alone at his desk. People rushed by seemingly chaotically but always with a particular destination in mind; others talked intently on the phone or typed frantically on their keyboards, stopping only to refer to scrawled notes. And all in the pursuit of the same object -- reporting the latest news. Clark loved his job on the city beat of Metropolis' top newspaper. He loved the excitement of chasing down a lead, the satisfaction of seeing the finished product with his by-line splayed across the front page of the Daily Planet. But today he felt strangely disconnected and all he wanted to do was go home and rest. He shook his head, trying to rid it of the cobwebs that seemed to be forming. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. Usually he didn't feel tired. Yet for the last few days he'd been feeling increasingly exhausted. He'd even slept the previous night all the way through, completely shirking his patrols, which were related to his other job as the city's resident superhero. He took a deep breath and stood up to go get some coffee. Maybe the caffeine would help. Clark crossed the floor slowly, stopping at the railing by the stairs. He was seeing spots dancing before his eyes and was losing his breath. He clutched the desk closest to him for support. "Hey, CK, you okay?" Jimmy had noticed his friend's battle to remain upright. "Yeah. I just need to catch my breath, Jimbo." Even as Clark said this, he noticed a small bruise on the back of *his* hand. He didn't bruise! What was going on here? His mind was whirling and he barely heard Jimmy's next words. "All right. Just holler if you need anything." "I will." Clark rubbed his eyes under his glasses and took several more breaths. This wasn't right. There was something wrong with him. He had to get to Star Labs... now. "Jimmy, could you tell Perry I needed to go home? I just can't seem to stand up any longer." "Sure, CK. Guess you got that virus going around." "Seems like it." For some reason he couldn't quite shake the feeling that this was more than a virus. Besides, Superman didn't get viruses. "Take care and just get some rest." Jimmy advised helpfully but with that certain degree of irreverence that the very young have for illness. Throwing Clark a quick grin, he hurried off in the direction of the Chief's office, his mind already concentrating on the next inconsequential task his boss had in store for him. Jimmy knew he was at the very bottom of the pecking order in the bullpen, but he didn't mind too much. He was part of the team. "I will, Jimmy," Clark replied to his friend's retreating back, struggling to straighten up and head for the stairwell. It was an effort to get changed into the tight blue suit, the spandex wouldn't give an inch, but he finally managed and flew excruciatingly slowly to the lab across town. **** Bernard Klein was what some people would dub a mad scientist. While his skills inside the lab were extraordinary, his social and people skills were seriously lacking. However, he was the only scientist Clark had ever entrusted to care for Superman, and despite Klein's vague exterior, he seemed to treat the hero as a friend. Dr. Klein reread his notes one more time, coming back to stand over Superman, who was lying on the table in one of the Labs' only exam rooms. The doctor had run countless tests and had kept the superhero in the lab all afternoon and most of the night. "By the look on your face the news isn't good," Clark said wearily. He had long passed the point of panic and had moved on to resigned calm. By the time he reached Star Labs, several bruises had appeared on his body and he was more tired than he had been initially. In fact, he was more tired than he'd ever been in his life. Bernard took a deep breath and looked down at the young man. "I don't know quite what to say here." "Just tell me... please!" "Superman, you have a condition much like Earth's version of leukemia." The doctor's bald patch caught the sheen of the overhead lighting as he bowed his head, no longer able to look the superhero in the eye. "What?" Clark sat up like a jack-in-the-box, his shocked mind racing to decipher what he'd just heard. "I don't understand... are you sure?" "Your body is exhibiting all the signs." "I have... cancer?" The superhero's voice almost cracked on the word. "Yes." "H... How did this happen?" "I'd have to run more tests to be certain, but I think it may have had something to do with your battle with the Nightfall asteroid last week." "How do you mean?" The doctor moved to perch on a stool, apparently feeling that need to sit as well. Klein squared his shoulders and went on. "I can't be definite until the test results come back, but I believe you may have ingested some tiny fragments of the asteroid. By the way it's now affecting you, I'd say the rock may have been from your home planet." "You think Nightfall was a piece of Krypton?" Superman's eyebrows climbed toward his hairline in a gesture reminiscent of Clark, but somehow his need to keep his two identities apart had suddenly taken a backseat. Besides, the doctor very seldom came in contact with Clark. "I think so. And when you hit it, that's what caused you to be shot back to Earth." "But it didn't make me sick the way Kryptonite usually does." Dr. Klein scratched his head. "That could have been because there were only traces of the substance in it." "Enough to do some damage," Clark said absently. "I'm going to keep looking into this. I'll know more in a day or two. In the meantime, you go home and rest. Take a day off, you deserve it." "Yeah." Clark eased his feet to the floor. "Thank you." "Superman, I'll do everything I can." "I know you will." Clark shook the doctor's hand and made his way out of the building and home to the comfort of his bed. He should feel something... but he didn't. Maybe he was in shock. Yes, that must be it! His brain was numb. Without even bothering to undress he fell onto the mattress and was soon sound asleep. **** When Dr Klein was alone, he stared down at the file in his hand in disbelief. He'd just told The Man of Steel that he was seriously ill and the magnitude of the situation was threatening to overwhelm him. Clinical work was certainly not his specialty; he'd long ago realized that dealing with people was something he wasn't good at. But he'd do anything at all for Superman. "Cancer," Bernie mumbled absently as he rose from his stool. "Wow." He tucked the file he held under his arm and slowly made his way out of the office to go home. There was nothing more he could do tonight. Tomorrow he'd be here early, running every possible test he could. If there was a way to help his newest patient, he was determined to find it. With a final sigh, Bernard Klein killed the lights in his lab and locked up. Sometimes he really didn't like being a doctor. **** Clark finally emerged from his sleep around ten the next morning when the insistent ringing of the phone pulled him from his haze. "'Lo?" "Clark? Where are you?" the antsy voice of his partner demanded. "Not today, Lois. I don't feel like it." Clark was not up to one of Lois Lane's little rants. "You sound awful." "I feel awful. Just cover for me, 'kay?" "I'm coming over." Lois' voice now held a note of concern. "No, it's okay." "Clark, you don't even sound like you're able to get out of bed." "Well..." "I'll bring aspirin and chicken soup. It always makes me feel better." "Lois..." His protests were in vain. She was speaking again. "See ya' in a few." Anything else he was going to say was cut off by the dial tone because she'd already hung the phone up. He groaned and put the receiver back. Now he'd have to get up and change out of his Suit so Lois wouldn't find him like this. There was no way he could handle a battle with Mad Dog this morning. **** Lois used the spare key under a flowerpot to open Clark's door. The apartment was dark and silent and her first instinct to call for her partner died on her lips. Instead, she crept quietly down the few stairs and into the bedroom, where she found the patient. He was sleeping on his stomach, his arms clutching his pillow. It occurred to her that he looked a little different, but she didn't contemplate it too long. Turning purposely on her heel, she took the hot soup into the kitchen to prepare him a bowl. "Lois?" Clark called out as he wiped his eyes and slowly rolled onto his back to sit up, the sound of someone digging through his kitchen cabinets having awakened him. "Yeah. Getting you some soup." "Okay." Clark was too tired to worry about how she'd gotten in. He reached for his glasses and settled against his pillows. A few moments later, Lois came in with a tray. Lois gasped slightly when she saw him. He was pale and had a few bruises on his arms and hands. Quickly she composed herself. "Clark, what happened? You look like you lost a battle with a wrestler." He looked down at his arms, his mind racing for an acceptable explanation. "Oh, ah, I fell yesterday. It's okay. It doesn't hurt." "You sure?" "Yeah." She doubted that was so and was about to air her opinion, but even she could tell he wasn't in the mood for a debate. "Here." She set the tray somewhat precariously on the bed and handed him two aspirin and a glass of water. "This will help." Clark thought to protest, but decided it was easier just to agree with her. He took the tablets and drank the water, actually feeling a little better after quenching his thirst. "Thank you," he told her as she opened his napkin and handed him a spoon. "Don't mention it. Partners are supposed to help each other out," she reminded him in a friendly manner as she took the empty glass and placed her hand against his forehead. "No fever." "I just feel really tired." "Well, eat. It'll help." She moved the tray over to his lap. Clark offered her a faint smile. "Okay." He slowly began to eat the soup, which, thankfully, was from the deli down the street -- he was sure he'd get even sicker had Lois cooked it. Meanwhile, Lois turned round and started picking up the clothes that lay about his room. She couldn't ever remember a time Clark's place had been this messy. He must really feel awful, she thought as she straightened out the clutter. "Lois, you don't have to do that." "I know." She smiled and continued her task. A few minutes later she was done with her chores and Clark was finished with his food. She sat down to look at him. "Better?" "Yeah. I believe I do feel better." "Good. There's more in the fridge and the deli is open till midnight." She got up. "I hate to leave, but Perry needs me to cover some press conference downtown." "Sure. Thanks again." "No problem. Call if you need anything." "I will." "Think you'll make it back to the office tomorrow?" "I hope so." She nodded her head and smiled again. "I'll call you later." "Okay." Lois took his tray to return it to the kitchen on her way out. "Put the key back," Clark yelled as she went out. "I did," she returned just before the door closed. Clark smiled into the emptiness of his room. He was feeling pleasantly stunned to be the recipient of Lois' concern. It wasn't often that Mad Dog softened enough to show her compassionate side. "I must be a mess, if Lois noticed," Clark mumbled to himself. She was easily one of the most complicated people he had ever met. Although he considered her a good friend, he wasn't sure if she was even aware that she could be someone's friend. His partner seldom focused on anything other than the next big story, so to have her rush over here with aspirin and soup meant a lot to him. Lately it seemed as if his relationship with his partner had started to shift toward something more... more. That thought brought a frown to Clark's face. If he was seriously ill, he might never get to find out just how close he and Lois could have become. He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. He didn't want to think of anything right now, not until he knew for certain what he was facing. **** Clark was feeling a lot better the next day so he ventured in to work and made it through his day with relative ease. The following day was even better. His energy had returned and the unsightly bruises had faded. In fact, after a few more days of feeling pretty much back to normal, he was beginning to think that Dr Klein's diagnosis might have been wrong. He was poring through some files when his phone rang. He lifted the receiver as he searched for a paper he needed. "Clark Kent?" "Mr. Kent, this is Bernard Klein from Star Labs." Clark froze. There was only one reason why the doctor would be calling. "Mr. Kent, I need you to see if you can contact Superman for me." "Ah, sure. Should I tell him to be in a hurry?" "Not necessarily, but I do have some news for him that he was waiting for." "Okay. I'll tell him as soon as I see him." "Thank you." "You're welcome." Clark hung up the phone, trying to resist the urge to speed out the building. He couldn't afford for the doctor to suspect anything. Of course, if things became desperate, he may have to tell the man his secret. He hoped it wouldn't come to that. He breathed a sigh of relief when his hearing picked up a call for Superman. Within seconds he could hear sirens wailing and knew the fire services would probably welcome a little super- powered help. At least there would be something to distract him for a while. **** It was almost three hours later before Superman made it to Star Labs. Feeling slightly apprehensive, he entered the lab where the receptionist had told him Dr. Klein was working. The doctor looked up from behind his desk as the superhero walked in. "Superman, glad to see you got my message." "Yes. Do you have some news?" Clark asked abruptly, deciding to get right to the point. "Yes, I do, but why don't you sit down." Klein jumped up and started pacing uncertainly in front of Clark. He knew the news he was about to confirm would be hard to take... even for a super man. Oh-oh, that didn't sound so good, and Clark didn't like the haunted look on the man's face as he eased to the seat indicated and crossed his arms over his chest. "Superman," Dr Klein started bravely, holding his patient's stare. "I have run tests for two days straight. I wish I were wrong, but all data points to, for lack of another word, cancer." Cancer! He had cancer. Superman had cancer. Clark's whole body tensed and he swallowed hard. He had the frightening impression that his throat was in danger of closing up. For days now he'd refused to believe the possibility, but he could no longer deny the fact that he was very sick. It took him a few minutes before he found the power of speech again. "It's from kryptonite?" "Yes, that would be my assessment. Your tissue samples show minute particles of kryptonite." There was another silence as Clark allowed the information to sink in. It seemed his home planet had never done him any favors. Eventually, he sighed. "Where do we go from here?" "If you were human, radiation would be my first choice. However, I've decided against that for the moment." "Okay," Clark nodded grimly. He really knew nothing about this disease or its treatment. What he needed to do was some research, but meanwhile Dr Klein could provide some information. "So why not now?" "Well, I have come up with some radioactive medication which I'd like to try first. It's similar to iodine treatments. You'll ingest a pill and we pray it'll cleanse your system." "And if it doesn't?" Bernie took a deep breath. "Then we'll just have to find an alternate solution. Rest assured, a lot of people survive leukemia." "I'm not most people." "I know. I'm hoping your ability to heal should help us here." Actually, Dr Klein was afraid that with this illness the very ability to rapidly reproduce cells might be a problem, but until he knew more, he wasn't about to worry his patient further. "I'll work on this non-stop." "Okay. So, tell me what to expect." On the surface, Superman was regaining some composure, but inside he felt disorientated, as if this was part of a nightmare. "Well, you can expect to be tired a lot more than usual and the bruising... but that will pass eventually. When you take the pills, you'll become sick and throw up. It's normal, even for you." "I won't... lose my hair or anything, will I?" How could he continue to be Superman if Clark and he went bald at the same time? Of course, Superman could always wear a wig, but how would he keep it on when he was flying? Would his aura protect it... would he even have an aura? The hysterical thoughts chased around Clark's brain, but he reined them in. He really had to listen.... "No. The radiation in the pills is minimal. It won't harm anything but what it's designed to target. You take the pills for three days, then come back in ten so we can do a scan to see how effective the treatment was." "Okay. And if it's not effective?" "Let's just take one step at the time." "I can do that." And he could. His regenerative powers had never failed him before. Why should it be different this time? "Good." The doctor got up and retrieved the pills for Clark. "I wish I'd been wrong." "I know. But no one could have known this would happen." The superhero fought his devastation as he looked down at the small metal container in his hand..... Didn't pills usually come in a bottle? But then these were irradiated. Just holding the medication brought the reality of the diagnosis crashing down on him. "Take care of yourself." "I will." Clark rose to his feet. "I'll see you in ten days." "No. Wait ten after the three. So I'll see you in thirteen days. And, Superman, if you have any friends, now might be a good time to get them onboard. You shouldn't have to face this alone. Oh, and speaking of friends, before you leave there is one more thing...." "Yes?" Superman turned back to face the doctor and was surprised to see the older man's face turning a distinct shade of red. "Hmm, these pills, Superman, they're radioactive, you know. Well, that means that you become radioactive to a certain extent, though your super-powered body should shield the people you come in contact with. Still there is a knock on effect... anything that leaves your body...your breath for example. Try not to breathe too closely on anyone...." "Geesh, that should make rescues more difficult." Clark shoulder's slumped and he sounded more than a little dejected. He supposed he could cut down on his super duties over the next few days, and he could always hold his breath in extreme circumstances, but his ordinary life as Clark might prove harder to handle. "Just don't get too close to anyone. No kissing any ladies, for example... or even men!" Bernard flushed furiously. "'Course, you might not do that sort of thing at all." He coughed behind his hand while the natty bow-tie he wore bobbed up and down in time with his Adam's apple. There was another strained silence before Clark managed to ask with a touch of impatience. "Yes? Anything else I should know?" Right now all he wanted was to get home so he could be alone with his thoughts. Bernie was tongue-tied. This situation was exactly the reason he found consultations so difficult. He just wasn't comfortable explaining personal details... equations and technical data were so much easier, but Superman was still waiting. "And there are other things... your waste products to be exact." The last statement came out in a rush, causing him to blush almost as badly as had the kissing comment. Had he really said those things to Superman? "Which means you have to be careful.... I mean, I don't know your living arrangements or anything. You probably live alone in a mountain cave or an ice palace in the Arctic, so it shouldn't be a problem, but you have to be careful with... things. But, as I said, the radioactivity in the medication is minimal, and your fast metabolism will process it quicker than with other patients, so it will only be for two or three days." The statement was garbled, but Clark got the meaning, maybe more from the accompanying embarrassment than from what was actually said. But why should Bernard think he didn't like kissing, or that he lived in such out-of-the-way places? Then again, he'd never sought to alter the strange conceptions that people had about the Man of Steel. In fact, the more bizarre the better... and wasn't this situation the most bizarre yet? He'd just been told he had leukemia! "Don't worry, Dr Klein, I'll take care I don't contaminate anyone," Clark assured sadly. "Oh, I'm not worried, I knew you'd understand." Klein looked relieved his patient had caught his drift so quickly. "And good luck with the medication, Superman." Clark nodded with a half smile and exited the room. **** Clark sat at his table as he swallowed the first pill. Now he was alone, he felt strangely detached. Who would have thought? Superman had cancer and might be dying. This was the first time he'd allowed himself to think of that possibility. He'd never been sick and had never worried about anything happening to him before. This just proved even a super man was vulnerable. He'd thought about calling his parents, but what would he tell them? The truth, his conscience reminded him, but he hated to worry them unduly. Dr. Klein seemed to think these pills would take care of the situation. Why not tell them after? And what if it didn't? His parents would be upset that he'd kept such a thing from them. That would cause them even more pain. Besides, a hug from his mother would feel really good right about now. He stood up and spun into his suit. If he was going to tell them, he needed to do it in person. **** "He thinks this will work?" Clark looked up at the troubled eyes of his mother. "He does." He reached out and took her hand. "I know you're worried." "Of course we are, Clark. Our son just told us he has cancer." "I know, Mom." He lifted her hand to his cheek, forcing himself to remain calm and seeking comfort from her simple touch, but taking special care not to breathe on her skin. "It'll be okay. You'll see." "I hope so." "Clark, you have to tell us everything right away from now on. You may need us to come to Metropolis to help you," Jonathan insisted, his mind still trying to process the shocking news. "I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you guys two days ago." "It's okay." His mom was fighting back tears as she smiled and patted his hand. "Mom, please don't do that. If I stop and think about this not working, it'll take over and I won't be able to get anything done." "Okay." She wiped at her tears and got up from the table. "How about some scones?" "Absolutely!" Clark smiled as she got the delicious treats. He knew she'd break down later in the comfort of his dad's arms. She was allowed that. He also knew she'd be his rock if she had to be. He spent the next two hours discussing some of the symptoms of his disease. His parents pointed out that he shouldn't attempt rescues when he was feeling overly tired or sick because he could end up causing more harm than good. Martha was the one to tell him he would have to take the time to cover any bruises so no one would notice he and Superman were suffering the same afflictions. Clark assured his parents he'd be careful and take care of himself. With a few final promises and some comforting hugs, Clark left for Metropolis in much better spirits than he'd been in earlier. His parents were truly his foundation. **** Dr. Klein had been right. The pills made Clark sick. He spent most of the second day in the men's room at the Planet throwing up, then carefully incinerating the proceeds. Even if he wasn't fit enough to be a superhero at present, at least his heat vision was useful. It was a strange feeling to be sick. He wondered how normal people did this. Of course, he could have stayed home, but Clark was determined not to give into the monster that was making his life miserable. By the third day his energy had returned with a vengeance. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. He was positive the medicine had done its job. Now, however, he was sitting on his sofa with his head in his hands. Was it only this morning when he'd visited Star Labs again, so full of optimism? Well, his hopes had very soon been dashed. The medicine hadn't done its job and Clark was just as sick as ever. Dr Klein had told him the radiation had had very little effect, then had given him some more pills that were similar to medication any other leukemia patient would take to stay well. There would be good days and bad days, Klein had said. The doctor had also run more tests and learned the disease had not been the result of his encounter with the Nightfall asteroid. From the way the disease was progressing, Clark had apparently ingested the kryptonite several months ago. This seemed a fairly impossible theory because he hadn't known of the existence of the substance until recently. Bernie argued that it could have been present in minute forms on objects with which he'd been in contact without his knowing it. It could have even been on something that he'd brought from his home planet when he'd come to Earth. Clark had thought about that. The only things he had from Krypton were his baby blanket and the 'S' shield that was on one of his suits now. Could it be possible it was on one of those? He'd asked Dr Klein about the probability that the substance would have survived frequent washings, only to be given an answer in the affirmative. He'd known for some time that his mother had removed the 'S' from his ship and put it straight into the envelope where it had remained until she had sewn it onto his first suit with so much pride. On hearing that, Klein had immediately tested the shield and discovered it was permeated with dust from his planet. Whenever he'd worn the suit, he'd unwittingly come in contact with the deadly stuff and the process had begun. Poor Mom would be devastated when she heard about that. On second thought, Clark might keep that little piece of information to himself. He didn't want her hurting anymore than was really necessary; knowing he could be dying would destroy her enough. Clark's only comfort was being told the illness was progressing slowly and the scientist's promise that he would continue to search for a cure. "How long have I got?" he'd asked bleakly. Bernie assured him many patients lived years after their diagnosis, and, with Superman's powers of recuperation, the doctor felt confident Clark would live five years or more. If he responded to the medication, it could even be longer. Although it didn't relieve his mind much, it was something. Clark left the office with four different bottles of pills which he'd have to swallow every day for the rest of what was left of his life. And his life would change. Dr. Klein said that as the disease progressed, he would start to lose his powers. For his whole life he'd wanted nothing more than to be a normal man. It was ironic that he had to get sick to be one. A strangled groan almost forced itself past Clark's lips as he considered the future. His first instinct was to fly to the Arctic and scream his anger and frustration into the icy wastes. But fear transcended those emotions and Clark went where he always would when he was lost and alone. He pushed his misery away and flew to Kansas. **** Chapter 2 Double Jeopardy Clark and his parents had spent another emotional few hours together. Sadly they all knew that there might be many such nights in the future, but they were determined to support each other through the hard times ahead. After their long discussion and more hugs, punctuated with a few tears, Clark had finally come to accept that this was the hand fate had dealt him and he would play it out. While he felt well, he'd work and be Superman. Of course, the day would come when that wouldn't be possible and he'd have to come up with a story to cover his alter ego's disappearance. As the days eased by, his thoughts began to drift to Lois. He wanted so much to tell her what was going on. He could tell her about his illness, but he wanted her to know everything. At the same time he didn't want her to feel sorry for him. And, of course, there was Lois' infatuation with Superman to consider. If she knew her hero was sick, Clark would be subject to who knew what from her. She'd be constantly hovering over him in an effort to make sure he was taken care of. The trouble was that he was pretty sure that Lois' misery would mainly be for Superman's passing, with Clark just an afterthought, and he wasn't sure he could handle that. And to make matters worse, she was seeing Lex Luthor. Of all the people in the world for Lois to date, this man wasn't exactly the perfect choice. It hadn't taken Clark long to discover that Luthor was pure evil. The billionaire might be known as one of the city's most generous philanthropists, yet Clark knew he was behind most of the criminal activity in Metropolis. But if he told Lois that, she would never believe him. On the few occasions he'd been brave enough to broach the subject, she'd defended Luthor, demanding proof of why Clark didn't like Lex, which he didn't have, of course. So there was just no other option; Superman would have to up his efforts to expose the man. **** The newsroom of the Daily Planet buzzed with the usual workday activity, but Clark was having trouble concentrating this morning. He was exhausted, even after sleeping eight full hours the night before, something he did a lot of these days. It appeared that his illness had certainly caught up with him. A phone rang shrilly on a nearby desk, causing him to wince. "Would somebody get that thing?" he called testily. Lois sighed in exasperation as her eyes drifted around to her partner. What was with him these days? With a huff, she pushed up from her desk and approached Clark. As much as she hated to, she had to ask for his opinion on their current story. They'd had a number of arguments lately and she didn't want to initiate another encounter. "Clark?" she said as she reached him. He was holding his head in his hands and didn't look up. "Yeah?" His lack of focus had spiraled into a nauseous headache. "Could you take a look at this?" She thrust the research file under his nose, but when he didn't move or respond, Lois took it as a sign that he was being difficult. "You don't have to or anything," she snapped angrily. "Lois, please." The tone of his voice made her take a closer look at him. He was pale and he had another bruise on his hand, only this time it spread up his wrist and disappeared under his sleeve. She'd seen quite a few of those on Clark lately. "Are you okay?" Her irritation had been replaced by worry. He might be impossible sometimes, but he was still her partner and friend. If he was ill, she wanted to help. "No." He shot up from his seat and ran toward the men's room, no longer able to control his retching. Lois watched, then immediately wanted to know what was wrong, so she went after him. Ernie from classified was leaving the restroom and cocked his head disapprovingly at Lois when she pushed past him. "What's wrong? Haven't you ever seen a woman in the men's room?" she growled over her shoulder while hurrying to the stall from where she could hear the muffled sounds of Clark's distress. "Clark? Do you need some help?" "I don't think I can get up," he managed to say in a weak voice after he'd finished heaving the contents of his stomach into the bowl. Lois heard the latch clink on the stall door and pushed it open. Clark had flushed the toilet and was slumped against the wall shaking almost violently. She gasped. Her first instinct was to phone the paramedics, but she felt he wouldn't thank her for that. So instead, she ran to find Jimmy and a few moments later they had Clark settled on the sofa in Perry's office. Very carefully, Lois sat down beside him and held a glass of water to his lips, helping him while he took a sip. "Clark, this isn't some virus. What's wrong?" she prodded gently. Lois wasn't often ill, but she was pretty sure that a flu virus didn't cause this kind of violent reaction. Clark was finally beginning to gather himself back together. He eased into a sitting position and looked up at the faces surrounding him. Perry was hovering like a protective father, with Jimmy standing a little further back, craning over the Chief's shoulder. Lois was balanced on the edge of the couch and he could sense her anxiety, which only made him feel worse. In a moment he was about to upset her again and that was something he didn't want to do. Clark took another drink of the water and a deep breath. "I, ah, I have... cancer... leukemia to be precise." You could have heard a pin drop in the room. It didn't even sound like anyone was breathing. Clark didn't have the heart to look at the three stunned faces of his friends, who, he was pretty certain, were staring right back at him, thunderstruck. He had just caused them an enormous amount of pain and he couldn't force himself to look into their eyes and see that yet. Besides, if he kept his eyes closed his head hurt less. For a few minutes the other two men were as still as statues as they struggled to digest Clark's news, while from close by he heard Lois give an almost inaudible gasp of shock. Perry recovered first, taking it upon himself to steady his staff, these three young people who had become an integral part of the Planet and his life. "Aw, son, why didn't you tell us? No, scratch that -- it's not important." He sat on the other side of Clark. "Are you taking treatments?" "Medication. It helps some days." Clark opened his eyes experimentally. Thank goodness the room had stopped swaying, but he still felt unable to face the others. Instead, he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the tile floor. "Well, ah, what about chemo and radiation?" Perry asked in concern. "We've done the radioactive iodine. It only had a minimal effect. Chemo hasn't been discussed yet. I guess that may be next." "Damn!" The editor rose and paced across the room. This news had really hit him hard. Clark had come to the Planet full of enthusiasm and ready to make a difference to the world, and in the time he'd been here, the young man had come to mean so much to everyone, including Perry himself. Feeling that the room had suddenly started to close in on him, he spat, "I, ah... I need to go check on the copy." He strode out into the newsroom, afraid to reveal his softer side and fighting to control his emotions, which he knew Clark just couldn't take right now. Seconds later his gruff voice could be heard warning his troops that this wasn't the 'Waukeegan Gazette.' In the office, Jimmy, finally took a breath. "Ah, man, CK, this blows!" Over the past months, Jimmy had come to regard Clark as the brother he'd never had. CK was never impatient or patronizing, and he always made time to give advice or just listen to an up-and-coming kid reporter. Very few others around here did that and Jimmy was grateful. But now it looked like all that was about to change... well, Jimmy didn't want to think about that. CK would be fine. He had to be. Clark couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, Jimmy, it blows." "How can you two joke about this?" Lois asked angrily as she stared between Clark and Jimmy in astonishment. "This ... this is huge! This isn't a cold we're talking about here. Cancer, Clark!" "If I don't joke, I may fall apart," Clark told her with a forced smile. Lois softened at the look of hurt in his eyes, understanding that this was every bit as serious to her partner as it was to her... much more, probably. She reached out and rubbed his back, offering up as much comfort as she could. "Yeah, I suppose." Lois shrugged sheepishly. "Is there anything else I can do?" "A couple of Advil might be good right now," Clark suggested, trying for a lighter note. God, it killed him to see the pain in Lois' eyes. Lois smiled. "Sure, I can do that. Wait here, I'll be right back." She relinquished the glass of water to her partner and hurried away to procure the desired medication. Left alone with Clark, Jimmy shuffled self-consciously, but he needed to let his friend know how much he cared. "Hey, CK, I don't know what I could do, but I'm here if you need anything." "Thanks, Jimmy." The young man nodded and patted Clark on the shoulder as he passed on his way back into the newsroom. His good friend had just told him a horrible thing and he needed somewhere quiet to think this through. Out in the main office, Lois' hands fumbled to open the top drawer of her desk as she fought to control her emotions. She'd been completely dumbfounded when listening to Clark's explanation of his illness. So many times lately they'd had silly arguments and she'd felt like choking him. But not this! Her partner, her best friend had said he had cancer. She felt sick to her stomach as she tried desperately to process this information. She glanced over at the man sitting in Perry's office. She and Clark had come a long way in their relationship since they'd met. Would it all end soon? Would she ever know...? With a deep breath for courage, she headed back to deliver the aspirin. Clark was staring down at his hands, feeling a little steadier than he'd been when she'd left him. He looked up when Lois touched his shoulder. Without a word, he swallowed down the pills she offered with another gulp of water. "Thanks, Lois. I guess I should try to get back to work now." "In a bit -- give the painkillers a chance to work." Lois took the glass and walked over to Perry's desk, placing it on the surface. At last they were on their own, so it was time to get some answers. Slowly she turned to face him, propping her behind against the editor's treasured piece of furniture. "Clark, why didn't you tell me?" "Denial, I guess... telling people makes it more real! And as I recall, you've been pretty angry with me lately." Lois hung her head because he was right. She'd been angry and short with him for the last few days after they'd had a quarrel about her dating Lex Luthor. For some unknown reason, Clark didn't approve and she had a suspicion that he was jealous, but that fact seemed insignificant now. "I know." She looked back up at him. "I guess I let my stubborn pride get the better of me." "Yeah." Clark smiled at her. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I don't want you moping around feeling sorry for me. This is something that I have to accept." "Have to accept? Are you crazy? Clark, you never stop fighting. Never!" "Lois, I don't want to spend the rest of the time I have left sick. I'm already like that enough. I just want to do what I can while I can. Please understand!" Lois was staring at him. He said 'the time he had left'. It was starting to hit her that this was more serious than she thought. "How long? How long do you have left?" "A few years, maybe more I hope." "A few years? Five, ten? How many?" she asked, fear sharpening her voice, as she swiped a hand across her cheek to clear away a persistent tear. "Five maybe, without a cure." Clark's pained expression brought the truth of that short statement home -- this was very, very real. "Oh God!" Her hand came up to cover her mouth while more tears stung her eyelids. Lois stood and strode over to the window, gazing out into the bright sunny day. How could the sun still be shining? "Come on, Lois. Don't do this." "Don't do this?" she said as she whirled to face him, unable to stop another tear from making a track down her cheek. "Clark, you're my friend, a good friend. Maybe even my best friend. How can you ask me not to be upset?" Clark could only stare for a moment, his thoughts hanging on what she'd said. She probably didn't even realize she'd just admitted he might be her best friend, but he hadn't missed a word. And he hadn't missed the tears that she'd quickly scrubbed off her face. His heart clenched tightly for her. He'd never been able to stand causing Lois any kind of pain, but after spending so many days longing for time with this woman, her reaction felt wonderful. It meant she cared, really cared. Finally he managed to speak again. "I know you're upset, but if you think about the bad, the good won't seem important." "The good? What good?" "What good? Lois, I'm not dead yet. Most of the time I'm healthy. There's no reason to concentrate on an end that hasn't gotten here." Lois could tell Clark had spent a lot of hours thinking about that end. He'd already come to terms with his fate and was trying to move forward. If he could manage to be a little positive, then so could she. Lois walked back over to where he sat and eased down beside him. "Why don't we take the afternoon off and go to the beach?" "I'd love to, but we need to finish this story." Clark reached for her hand when he saw her hurt expression. "I know this is hard to grasp and sometimes it doesn't seem real to me either. But Lois, I can't just stop living. I have to get up every day the way I've always done. I have to keep working. If I don't, I'll lose my mind." She considered his statement for a while before she spoke. Maybe he was right. Maybe keeping a sense of normality would be best, and she could definitely help with that. "Okay. Think you can look at that file now?" A slight teasing grin danced on her lips and thankfully it had the desired effect because Clark smiled back at her. "Sure." He managed to get to his feet with a little effort and together they left the office to finish their day. **** Things started to change for Clark after that day. Evidently word got around the newsroom and everyone started to treat Clark with kid gloves. Lois was nice and Jimmy went out of his way to do things for him. Perry wouldn't even yell at him and it was killing Clark more quickly than the cancer was. This kind of treatment was exactly why he hadn't wanted anyone to know. Clark stepped off the elevator into the busy newsroom, ready to face yet another harrowing day of his friends tiptoeing around him. Most mornings he found it difficult to get himself in gear, but he wasn't running too late today, so perhaps he hadn't been missed. Even if he had, no one would mention it. Jimmy wouldn't throw a joke at him, Perry wouldn't quip sarcastically and, most of all, Lois wouldn't complain loudly about his tardiness. And he hated it. Looking over the bullpen, he spotted all the people he'd just been thinking about in the conference room, probably getting ready for the daily staff meeting. Maybe now was a good time to see if he could get things straight. He marched purposefully down the ramp, crossed to the room, and, as the glass doors closed behind him with a determined click, everyone turned toward him. "Look, if I don't say something I'll explode," he started anxiously. As much as he hated to distress them, he hated it more to have them treat him as if he was... well, sick. "Everyone has got to stop treating me like I'm dying." Perry's brows rose as he looked at Clark. "But, ah, isn't that... isn't that what's happening?" He hadn't meant to be so direct, but how else could he phrase it? "Yes, Perry. I might die from this, but you guys are gonna kill me a whole lot sooner. We're all mortal! As long as I'm alive, I want to live all I can, and I can't stand another day of this special treatment." "Excuse us for caring," Lois snorted at him. "I love it that you care. I just don't love it that you remind me of my imminent death every day. When you don't yell at me, Perry, I feel left out," he said with soulful, sad eyes directed at his boss. "Jimmy, you fall over yourself to do things for me as if I were already incapable, and I can't even begin to tell you, Lois, how bad it makes me feel to know you're nice to me just because I'm sick. I don't think I'll be able to keep this up." He held his partner's gaze for a few seconds. "Come on, guys, can't you all put the idea that I'm sick behind you for a bit? My time will end all too soon, but I'd like my life to be as normal as possible until whatever end comes. If you keep reminding me of that approaching day, I won't be able to think of anything but that." Clark took a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "It's nice to know I have such good friends. It may make the end a little easier. I just want the middle to be as memorable. Okay?" His eyes pleaded with them to understand. He loved them all dearly for their concern, yet that concern was smothering him. Perry got up from his chair at the head of the long table and came around to put a hand on Clark's shoulder. "I get ya, son! My father said much the same thing before his death. He had an irreversible heart condition, you know. That first week after the diagnosis, we cosseted him until he bawled us out. But that second week was some of the best days of his life. Of course, we didn't realize it would be that quick. Neither did he, I think, because he almost forgot he was leaving us. One afternoon, he said good-bye to go to town just like normal, but he had a massive coronary before he even got to the car. He died the way he wanted to. Now if that's the way you want to live, that's the way it'll be. But son, I think everyone in this room will agree when I say that we're not letting you go without a fight. Ya' hear?!" Clark grinned widely at his boss. "I hear, Chief." "Good!" Perry patted Clark's shoulder for a couple of seconds before stepping around him and opening the door. "So what are you still doing standing here? We have a staff meeting in ten minutes and you have a story to finish before then, so get to it!" he ordered in his best 'Editor in Chief' mode, and the door slammed behind him on his exit. Obviously, Perry had decided that normal service should be resumed right away. Smiling in relief, Clark watched him go then turned back to the others. "Come on, guys, take your cue from the Chief. Don't waste what time I do have left by killing me with kindness. After all, who knows how long any of us have?" "You're right," Jimmy said as he stood. "Lois is living proof of that." The two men burst into laughter, while Lois stuck her tongue out at Jimmy. "Ooo, promises, promises!" "Jimmy!" Lois yelled with a surprised look. The young gofer guffawed a little anxiously at Lois' shocked face. After all, this was Mad Dog Lane he'd just teased suggestively, but she appeared to be taking it in the spirit it was intended. He thanked his lucky stars and turned back to Clark, slapping him playfully on the back. "From now on, CK, you get your own damn research, okay? I have to set up the meeting... and I was getting a little tired of hauling an old man around anyway," he kidded. "Okay." For the first time in days, Clark grinned wholeheartedly as Jimmy walked away, still giggling at his own jokes. But when the door closed, Clark dropped into the chair next to Lois. "How about you, Lois? Will you just remember I'm Clark and forget that I'm sick?" "Clark, I don't know that I can," she replied gently, twisting in her seat to face him and revealing her gaze, which was stark with pain. It was still too hard to accept that her friend might leave her. Clark sighed. How could he deter her? "Would you at least try?" Lois looked across at him steadily. "This is what you really want?" "Yes. Lois, I know I've never been your favorite person." "That's not exactly true," she was quick to correct him. "I just felt I was too good to be paired with a hack." She grinned to let him know she was only kidding, though, if she were being honest, at the time she really had been upset to be partnered with someone who in her opinion had little experience. It was amazing how wrong she'd been. Clark chuckled ruefully. "Yeah. I remember you calling me that a time or two." "I'm sorry. You proved pretty quickly that you were more than capable of keeping up with me professionally." Clark's brows rose slightly. "Wow. I guess that's a compliment." Lois smiled and ducked her head. "Yeah, well, enjoy it. You know I don't give them often." "That's for sure." He laughed a little harder as she swatted his arm. "See, this is more like the way I'd pictured us remaining." Lois sobered with his comment. "Clark." "No, Lois. This is what I want. Don't make me feel sick. I do that enough by myself." After a moment or two, Lois reached for his hand. "Okay. I can't promise I won't forget, but I can tell you I'll try to be the same old obnoxious person you've come to know." Clark let his head drop back and laughed out loud. "Good enough. Come on. Let's go nail a bad guy." "You got it, partner." That was the best thing Clark had heard in days. If he hadn't said something about the way everyone was treating him, he was sure he'd have gotten sicker long before his time, and since throwing his guts up wasn't anything he enjoyed, he'd had to tell them how he felt. Thank goodness it looked as if he'd made the right decision. **** Following the talk with his friends, Clark's life settled back to something akin to normality, at least, enough to satisfy him. Perry barked his orders once more; Jimmy was -- well, Jimmy, and even Lois seemed to have gotten back her competitive edge. Clark, himself, was healthy and chose to keep up with all his usual activities, including the super stuff. On a particular afternoon, those activities had him making another of his lame excuses in the newsroom and speeding to a 'five alarm' fire on the South Side. Superman had successfully carried ten people from the destroyed ruins of their apartment building and gone back to douse the flames with a little super breath, while beneath him the fire services worked diligently to protect the surrounding blocks from the greedy blaze. When it was clear the fire was at last under control, he took the time to stop and talk to the fire chief, who he'd met a couple of times on previous rescues. Superman considered the man an expert in his field and had come to regard him as something of a colleague, if not exactly a friend. The two were deep in conversation when a very familiar voice interrupted their talk. "Superman!" Clark glanced over his shoulder to see Lois in hot pursuit of the latest super feat and he gave an apologetic shrug to the fireman. "Go ahead, Superman," the older man grinned, his teeth showing white against his ash-smeared skin. "You've done all you can, my men can take it from here. Thanks again for your help." With those words the fire chief shook the hero's hand and waved him off toward the pretty young woman who was hovering at the edge of the safety barrier. Pasting his best superficial smile on his face, Clark turned and started toward his partner. "Hi, Lois." "Hi." She slipped beneath the barricade and reached his side, with her notepad ready to go. "What happened?" Superman took a few moments to tell her about the fire and the people he'd rescued. As was always the case with Lois, she asked all the appropriate questions and quickly jotted down his replies. In fact, she was deep into her interview when she was suddenly distracted from her writing. Looking up, she noticed Superman seemed to be swaying a little on his feet. "Superman?" Lois reached out to help him get his balance. The superhero shook his head, trying to rid it of the wave of dizziness that had swept over him. This was exactly what his mom had feared when she'd warned him to take it easy. Martha was continually worried that he'd overtax his strength, but he'd decided he had to be here -- people would have died otherwise. Now he was paying the price for his stubborn determination. He grasped Lois' arm, thankful she was there for once. "Just give me a sec." He bent to catch his breath. This was the last thing he needed to happen because Lois was far too perceptive, and she was fairly skeptical of coincidences. If she took the time to look closely, she could easily put things together and figure out his secret. Then again, he might actually need her help later on. Was that something he could live with? Was it something he wanted? Right now he didn't have the stamina to answer these questions. He just needed to get his breath and get away so he could think. Meanwhile, Lois' mind was reeling. Superman appeared to be sick, but that was impossible. Superman was invulnerable--he didn't get sick. She watched as he brought his other hand to his face to rub his eyes vigorously and her mouth fell open slightly as she spotted an ugly purple bruise on the back of his hand. That was crazy. Superman didn't bruise. For some moments both remained still; Lois was lost in her thoughts while Superman struggled to regain his balance. Finally, Superman straightened and released his hold on her arm. "Thank you, Lois. I guess I overdid it." "I thought you... were... well...." "Invincible? I do burn out after a while. I have to rest just like anyone else," he explained with a tiny touch of annoyance. The last thing he needed right now was for Lois to know just how horrible he felt. "Oh yeah. Of course you do," she stammered uncertainly, still trying to grasp the fact that the Man of Steel was unwell. He was about to offer his apologies and leave when he noticed she was looking at him strangely. "Lois, is something wrong?" "Well... I didn't think you got hurt." She stared at him intently, her eyes darting between his face and the ugly bruise on his hand. This wasn't just burn out! "What?" "There," she pointed to his hand. "You have a nasty bruise." Clark's heart raced as he looked down at the ugly purple mark. He must have gotten this one recently because he could have sworn he'd covered all the others. He had to think of an explanation fast. "Ah, I guess I...." His head snapped to the side as another call rang out. There were times when his super hearing came in very handy. "I'm really sorry, Lois, but someone's calling." With that said, he disappeared in a flash, feeling very relieved to escape Lois' searching questions. Lois was left to ponder this new bit of information. Was it possible the Man of Steel did get hurt after all? But what about all those things she'd seen him do in the past? He caught bullets on a regular basis. For goodness sake, he'd swallowed a bomb without any visible signs of injury! Her reporter's instincts told her there was more going on here than met the eye. Judging by the way he looked when she'd pointed out his bruise, followed by his abrupt exit, there was a lot more going on, and she was determined to find out what it was. Not only for a story either - - Lois cared about her superhero. She hurried back through the crowd of gawkers and whistled for a cab. **** Lois made it back to the newsroom and wrote up the story on the fire. However, she'd decided that, for the present, she wouldn't reveal her suspicions about the state of Superman's health. They were really just unsubstantiated facts anyway, and she wasn't quite sure where to start trying to find out what was going on with Superman. Maybe she should talk to Clark. He and Superman seemed to be close. Speaking of her partner, she wondered if he'd returned from his mysterious errand. He wasn't at his desk so she scanned the bullpen and spotted him coming from the men's room. He was a little pale, she thought. Of course, he'd been that way a lot lately, so that wasn't a huge surprise. Lois stood up from her desk and reached Clark's just as he sat down. She sincerely hoped he wasn't getting sicker already, but she hid her concern, knowing he didn't like anyone to create a fuss. "Hi, Lois. What's up?" His tone was cheerful, even though he looked dreadful. "Nothing. You feel okay?" she asked, trying to act casually, but unable to quite bring herself to be completely unaware of his condition. "I'm a little tired, but I'll live." "Bad joke," she reminded him with a wry lift of her shapely eyebrows. He smiled sadly. "Yeah, I guess it was." He sifted through a couple of files, hoping he could distract his partner from probing his state of health. "Did you get the story on the fire done?" Lois didn't answer. She was staring at the hand that had just moved across the desk to open a folder. It looked a lot like another hand she'd seen earlier in the day. Clark looked up at her. "Lois? You okay?" Her eyes shot to his. Could it be possible? Nah, that was crazy! She couldn't be thinking what she was. Clark couldn't be Superman. Clark was sick. He was dying of cancer and he was her partner. She'd worked beside him for nearly a year. She would have known if he were Superman. Wouldn't she? Yet she couldn't deny that Clark was sporting a very similar bruise to the one she'd seen on Superman. Was that just a coincidence? Suddenly she wasn't so sure. "Lois?" Clark prompted again, almost afraid to think of what was going on behind her blank stare. But Lois was oblivious to his anxious questions. Her mind was already frantically processing everything she knew about the two men. They'd showed up in Metropolis about the same time. Clark had arrived first, with Superman putting in that very public appearance a few days later. Of course, as far as she knew, Superman hadn't been seen anywhere before that time, while Clark Kent had led a fairly normal life in Kansas, before going on his world travels. Maybe she should do a bit of research into that part of Kent's life, see if there had been anything strange going on. Then there was the fact that she'd never seen the two men together -- Clark always disappeared with some crazy excuse before Superman showed up. They did look a little alike -- same dark hair and skin tone, and they both had an overwhelming desire to help. Both were the most moral men she'd ever met. But did that all add up to mean that Clark was Superman? She needed time to think. She needed to get away. "I, ah, I just remembered I have... something to do," Lois stuttered, giving a very good impersonation of the evasive excuses Clark normally produced prior to his speedy exits. Before Clark could say a word, she turned and nearly ran to the elevator. Why was Lois leaving in the middle of a work day? Had he done something to upset her? **** Lois left the Planet to clear her head. She paced around the streets of Metropolis, wandering aimlessly, unaware of people or places around her. Her partner could not possibly be the Man of Steel. It just wasn't so. But, as the facts chased through her mind yet again, even she had to admit it was conceivable. All the disappearing acts, the excuses, and she'd never seen the two men in the same room together. Not to mention the number of times she'd tried to call Clark when Superman was halfway round the world dealing with an emergency, and all she could get was his answering machine. No wonder, even Superman couldn't be in two places at once! It made perfect sense -- the perfect cover. Who would ever think to question that a mild-mannered reporter would be Superman? But Lois was a reporter and it was her job to see beyond the exterior! What was it that Perry always said? 'If something walks like a duck, talks like a duck... then it is a damn duck!' It has to be.... Only Clark Kent wasn't a duck. He was a... rat! Why the hell hadn't he told her he was really Superman? Lois felt like an idiot. Superman and Clark were one in the same. Suddenly she wondered why she hadn't seen it before now. It was so obvious. Of course, it was! That's why the disguise worked so well. For a long moment, Lois thought about that and gradually she realized Clark wasn't the disguise. He was too real, too substantial. He had a life. He had a family. Superman was the disguise to hide the man while he helped people. And all this time, she'd been completely in the dark! Slowly she let her anger rise to the surface. Clark, her friend, her partner, had lied to her. He'd let her believe he was two different people and she'd made a fool out of herself in the process. Lois glared down the sidewalk she'd been walking on. That's it! There would be no more of this endless meandering. She was going to go over to Kent's place and give him a piece of her mind. In fact, she just might kill him before the leukemia got to him! Doing an about turn that would have satisfied the most meticulous drill-sergeant, she marched back toward the Daily Planet parking lot and her Jeep. "Just wait till I get done with you. Man of Steel my foot. You'll wish you were." She dove into the car, put it in gear and bulldozed her way into the traffic. **** Clark shut down his computer after six to head home. He hadn't felt the best since returning from his stint as Superman, but being the only remaining member of the Lane/Kent partnership actually at work, Clark hadn't wanted to leave Perry in the lurch. Surprisingly, Lois hadn't returned for the rest of the day, which meant she was probably more upset than he'd originally thought. Maybe he'd call her later to see if he could help in any way. A quick rescue, a minor car accident on the freeway, detoured him on his journey home, holding him back from taking the shower he hoped would make him feel better. Eventually, though, the hot water had soothed away his aches and pains, yet it had done little to dispel his tiredness. He'd just stepped out of the shower and had pulled on a pair of jeans when Lois stormed into his room. He stopped drying his hair and looked up at her. "How can you be sick? I thought you were invulnerable." "I thought so, too." He froze when he realized what she'd said and how he'd answered her. "What did you say?" "I said, I thought you were invulnerable." She placed her hands on her hips in what Clark had come to call her 'full battle mode' and glared at him, daring him to call her on this one. "That's what I thought you said." "And by the way you answered, I'm right." Her arms moved to cross over her chest in a gesture similar to Superman's, warning him not to deny it. Clark sighed wearily and dropped his towel over the rail of the spiral staircase. "Yes, Lois, you're right." He didn't have the energy to come up with a plausible explanation. Besides, he wasn't sure he wanted to hide from Lois any longer. "But you're sick." "I know." Clark offered her an exhausted, yet gentle smile. "Come on. I need to eat while we talk. Maybe I can explain a few things." "Oh you better believe you're going to explain a few things," she mumbled sarcastically as she turned and started toward the kitchen Clark sighed again and followed her. This wasn't exactly what he had in mind when he'd envisioned telling her, but he was almost relieved she knew the truth. With his progressing illness, who knew when Superman might need her help in the future? Almost on auto-pilot, Clark pulled some ready-made sandwiches and a carton of milk from the fridge and placed them on the table, while Lois fetched a couple of glasses from the cabinet. In the dimmed light, they sat on opposite sides of the table, and for a few minutes they concentrated absentmindedly on the food. Then very apprehensively Clark began to talk, his words falling softly into the quiet room. It took him a full hour to tell Lois everything about himself and what he knew of his illness. Yet, when he reached the end of his revelation, she stayed silent for over ten minutes, obviously deep in thought, while Clark fretted with worry. Just how mad was Lois going to be? "Dr. Klein hasn't found out anything else?" she finally asked, raising her eyes to meet his. Her anger had given way to the same helpless emotions she'd experienced when Clark had first told her he was ill. As furious as she'd been by his deception, she couldn't ignore the fact that this man was still her friend and he was still dying. And more than that... she now knew that she was in danger of losing Superman -- the whole world would too. Somehow, for the moment, anger seemed a very trivial emotion. Clark stared at her a moment, trying to read her expression in the semi-darkness of his apartment. He thought she'd have been more curious and angry about him keeping such a huge secret from her. "Not yet. I haven't spoken to him in over three weeks but if he knew anything, he'd call. Lois, are you okay?" he asked uncertainly. "Because you're taking this a whole lot better than I thought." Lois pushed up from the table and started to pace. She could think more clearly on her feet, and right now, she needed to be as clear-headed as possible. "Clark, you're right. I am mad because you didn't tell me about this and you'll probably hear more about that later, but for now I need to grasp everything that's going on." "Fair enough." Actually, Clark was very happy at Lois' more subdued reaction. He wasn't up to dealing with an irate partner right now. "Okay!" Marching into the living room, Lois grabbed her bag and jacket. "Meet me at Star Labs in the morning and we'll see if Dr Klein has anything new." She ran lightly up the stairs but paused on the landing. "Oh, and Clark, try to get some sleep, 'cause I have to tell you, you look awful." Then she was gone and he was left smiling as the door closed behind the tornado that was Lois Lane. **** Chapter 3 We Have a Lot to Talk About The following morning found the investigative team of Lane and Kent at Star Labs, trying to glean as much information as they could about Superman's illness from Dr Klein. At first, the doctor had been extremely reluctant to discuss the matter with the two reporters, and he would have shown them the door if Superman hadn't first phoned and given permission for him to speak freely. Clark had been tempted to attend in the Suit, only he'd realized that Lois was still a little spooked by the dual identity thing. So, out of mutual respect, and in an effort to help the man who was a friend of them all, Klein did relent and relayed what little he knew concerning the Man of Steel's leukemia. Lois was disheartened by the lack of anything concrete which could be done for the superhero and shocked by the reality of his impending death. Clark, sitting by her side, kept his head down, hiding his feelings. "So that's it? There's nothing he can do?" Lois questioned the doctor, who had now, after his brief explanation, lapsed into an uncharacteristic silence. She'd stolen occasional glances at her partner while Klein was speaking, only to find him withdrawn, his eyes downcast. If her guess was right, Clark was finding it difficult to listen to his prognosis one more time and was afraid to reveal the depth of his involvement. After all, the scientist was unaware that the man of whom they spoke was actually in the room. Bernard shifted some papers around on his desk, seeming somewhat harried by Lois' belligerent manner. "Well, there is one way," he ventured, then hastily added, "but I don't think it's even possible." Clark's ears perked up at that, though in this guise he couldn't afford to seem too anxious. Lois, on the other hand, had no problems with showing enthusiasm for any morsel of hope. "What?! Dr Klein, if there's anything that you or Superman can do, then you need to tell him." "Ms Lane, I shouldn't even be discussing this with you," he bridled. "There is such a thing as doctor/patient confidentiality, and I'd say I was skating on thin ice right about now." "It's okay, Dr Klein. You know we'd never do anything to jeopardize Superman's position." Clark could no longer keep quiet. If there was something he could do to save himself, he needed to hear it... now! "And we promise, we'd never use anything you told us for a story." Lois was quick to add, realizing that Klein was quite aware of their... well, her reputation. "We're not going to print anything of this. We just care about Superman and want to help as much as we can." "Didn't Superman give you his permission to talk to us?" If necessary, Clark would leave and return as Superman, but he'd prefer not to waste time. Klein looked at the two young people who were sitting a little more eagerly forward in their chairs. The doctor might not have the best people skills, but he did recognize sincerity when he saw it. "I know, Lois, Clark." Taking a deep breath, he reluctantly delivered his new theory. "Look, Superman has a type of cancer that's very similar to leukemia. It also resembles a certain type of leukemia. It's a type that responds well to bone marrow transplants. However, Superman can't very well receive marrow from humans. He'd have to have marrow from another Kryptonian." Clark released the breath he'd been holding and with it went the small flicker of hope he'd been feeling. A marrow transplant was not a possibility for him. "That's it?" Lois almost shouted. How dare this man give them false hope like that! "Well, unless Superman knows of any other Kryptonians on this planet... yes." Klein looked almost as miserable as Clark, while Lois was directing a very curious glare at her partner. "Are there?!" "Not that Superman knows of," Clark said quickly. Strangely, that seemed to satisfy the feisty lady reporter, Bernard observed. "Lois, I'm sorry, but Superman's biology is a little different from ours. His donor would have to match his blood group, and that means another Kryptonian...." Dr Klein's attention wandered for a few seconds as he mixed something in his beaker. "And yet, there is just a chance... and you know, I don't believe it would matter...." He sipped a little from the glass, proving to his two visitors that the blue liquid wasn't a chemical mixture as they'd thought. Suddenly Bernard chuckled. "Maybe he should get a girlfriend really quick!" "What?!" Lois and Clark asked both at the same time. Once again, Bernard almost squirmed in his seat at the sharp questioning, looking distinctly uneasy. "I shouldn't really say any more...." "Dr Klein, please?" Clark's tone was pleading and Bernie found he couldn't resist. "Okay, but you must understand that this is still theoretical.... I've been looking at some tests, and, from what I can deduce, a child of his could supply the needed marrow to save his life, even if the child were half human." The doctor hadn't been lying when he'd told Superman he would work on this nonstop. Every minute he could spare, he'd spent investigating this alien illness. When he'd finally had to give up on finding a traditional cure, he'd moved on to more radical treatments, which had led him to the prospect of a transplant. "What?" The two chorused again, while they exchanged shocked glances. Bernie took another slug from his beaker for courage, then putting it down alongside a number of others, he faced them. "Superman has healing properties because of his special powers. If he were to father a child, I believe these properties would be passed along in the genes. Even though the child would only be half Kryptonian, since only Earth women are available, there should be enough uncontaminated antigens to reverse the effects of his disease." After all Bernie's intensive studies, he'd reached the conclusion that it was as simple as that.... Cut and dried! "So you're saying that if Superman has a child, said child could save his life?" Lois ground out, after she'd closed her mouth, which had dropped open with shock. "Yes." "Dr. Klein, how is it even possible for him to produce a child with an Earth woman?" Clark clenched his hands on his thighs, trying to recover from this stunning news. He'd always assumed he could have children with an Earth woman, had actually hoped this might be so, but he'd never known for certain. "Superman is very capable, Clark. He has all the same parts as a man." "No, no. You just said his biology was different." Clark was now sitting on the edge of his chair. Unconsciously, he'd given up all pretence of having only a friendly interest in hearing what Dr. Klein had to say. "Yes, but only slightly. Let me show you." Dr. Klein retrieved a few samples from a locked refrigerator. "This is a small sample of my blood." He put the samples in the magnifier and pulled the image up on the screen. "And this is Superman's." The second sample appeared beside the first one. "Both blood samples have all the same components but the composition is a little different. For example, Superman's blood has less iron than a human's, but they are remarkably similar. Think of it as being a new blood group, if you like." Bernard deftly removed the two slides and entered two others. Lois and Clark watched enthralled as two twisting strands of DNA showed up on the screen. "Now the one on the left is human DNA while the other belongs to Superman. As you can tell, there's only a minute difference here... one extra DNA marker." He pointed to a section on each image. "One small detail separates two races of human beings." "Superman is human?" Clark asked with his eyes lighting up. All his life, that was the one thing he'd wanted to call himself. "He's indeed Homo sapien. This hiccup in his DNA is what allows his race to live under what I theorize is probably a red sun on his home planet. Of course, that's purely conjecture, but according to the amazing information being sent back from some of the latest space probes, astronomers believe that red suns are not uncommon...." "Dr Klein, I'm sure that's very interesting, but we're here to find out how to cure Superman." Lois ruthlessly dragged the scientist back on track. "Superman! Right, Ms Lane!" the doctor gulped and sent her a penitent grin. "As I was saying, it's also what allows him to process yellow sunlight into solar energy, giving him his super powers. To cure Superman this particular property would have to be present in any bone marrow to be transplanted." Bernard left the projector and came to stand in front of the reporters. "But yes, Superman could father a child with an Earth woman as easily as any other male, and as this Kryptonian gene appears to be dominant, I'd stake my reputation that it would be passed along to any of his progeny." Clark could only stare at the data before him. He had hardly taken in what Bernie was saying beyond hearing the word 'human'. It was official. He was human! That one statement made him feel so good he almost forgot he was dying of cancer.... Almost. Perched on the chair close by him, Lois noticed his bemused reaction and suddenly she understood why he'd never told anyone about himself, even close friends. He was afraid people would label him a freak. Being as she'd worn several labels over the years, and some very uncomfortable ones at that, she could certainly understand his hesitancy. And she was also ashamed to admit that regardless of all the good the superhero did for the people of this world, there would be quite a few who would view him differently if it became public knowledge that Clark Kent was an alien. Jason Trask wasn't the only weirdo out there. But right now, there were more pertinent points rolling around in her mind, to which she needed answers. She returned her attention to the images on the screen. "Wouldn't a child have to be a certain age before a marrow donation could be taken?" "Normally, they'd have to be about six months or older, Ms Lane. However, I believe a child of Superman's would have enough 'super' genes to make it possible for a transplant to be done at about six weeks old...." "Dr Klein," Clark emerged from his trance to interrupt. "Perhaps Superman wasn't super when he was a child." "Clark, you don't know that!" Lois warned. "Actually, Clark, I'm hoping that he at least wasn't invulnerable and that his baby wouldn't be either, otherwise it would make the procedure more problematic. What we require are the remarkable healing powers and I'm sure that any child of his would carry those same wonderful abilities. So we wouldn't have to wait. And I don't think it would take a very large amount of clean bone marrow to stimulate Superman's body into producing more good marrow, especially if his own regenerative properties were boosted too." "Why haven't his own healing properties kicked in this time?" Lois couldn't help but feel cynical. If these healing properties were so wonderful, Superman shouldn't be sick at all. "In my opinion, the kryptonite he ingested is keeping his system just weak enough to let the damage take place. I've considered pumping out his stomach, or even putting him on dialysis to clean out his blood, but the toxin has been in his system too long. I thought the irradiated iodine pills might work, but any effect they might have had has been eroded by the spread of the cancer." Bernie shrugged helplessly. "Ms Lane, I've asked myself that same question a hundred times lately, but I honestly don't understand it. All I know is that it's happening and the only thing that I can think of that could save him is a bone marrow transplant. Stronger, healthy cells would take the place of his diseased cells and allow his system the valuable time it needs to heal itself. I'm sorry, I wish I had something more positive to tell you." Bernard's shoulders drooped and almost shamefacedly he excused himself and left the room. **** Lois and Clark walked side-by-side out of the labs in contemplative silence, both processing the information they'd received. Actually, Bernard didn't realize how right he was when he theorized about Superman's healing capabilities, Clark thought as he climbed into Lois' Jeep. He hadn't been invulnerable when he was a young kid; he'd even broken his arm falling out of a tree, but he had mended very quickly. His mom and dad had had a terrible time trying to stop him removing his plaster cast far too early. It seemed pretty logical that a child of his would inherit the same power. His partner, meantime, was reflecting upon another part of the data. Lois was stuck on the idea of Superman, aka Clark, producing a baby. The idea definitely had merit, but how did one go about that? She threw Clark a searching glance when she'd safely pulled out onto the main road. "You know, the bone marrow transplant idea doesn't totally suck!" Lois injected into the silence. "Lois, babies don't just drop out of trees!" "No, and I guess you can't just advertise for some woman to have a baby for you, huh?" Clark laughed softly, relaxing back against the headrest. "No, thanks for trying though." He suspected that her eyes were damp with unshed tears and he reached forward to squeeze her arm, offering comfort and gaining a little for himself. "Let's just move on. It's been nearly two months since I was diagnosed and most of the time I feel fine. Maybe I should start having a little fun. There are a few things I'd like to do before I start getting too weak." "Too weak?" "Yeah. Dr. Klein told me that as the disease progresses, I'll grow weaker. He thinks I'll lose my powers in about twenty four months or sooner." "Could you do the chemo then?" she asked hopefully, grasping at straws. "Maybe, but I suspect that by then the disease will be too far along." "What about a really huge, mega dose of radiation? Like shutting yourself into a reactor?" Clark wanted to smile. Leave it to Lois to keep churning out the ideas to help him. "I tried it, but it didn't work. In fact, I think it just pissed the leukemia off -- I was sick for two hours straight. I didn't know a stomach could hold that much." Now he did laugh, feeling it was time to lighten the mood a little. He'd been over the possibilities a million times in his head and with Bernard. He'd really gone through it one more time just for Lois' benefit, but now his head was hurting from thinking so much. He could use a little light relief. "Gross," Lois chuckled. Clark grinned some more when he saw her smile. "I've really missed you," he added warmly. Even after their chat in the conference room, they'd spent far too much time either treating each other warily or arguing about one thing or another. He'd also been terrified he'd lost her for good when she'd discovered his deceit. It appeared Lois might be physic because she came back at him very quickly. "Yeah, well, you could change your mind. I haven't yelled at you for lying to me yet." "Yell! Please yell. I've missed that too." They both laughed and settled into a pointless discussion about the attributes and the benefits of getting angry. Clark was already beginning to f eelbetter. **** At the close of his sixth month with the disease, life took a distinct turn for the worse for Clark. Although, he tried to deny it for a number of days, Clark eventually had to admit that he was growing much weaker and the bruising was back big time. On his monthly medical check up, he'd broached the subject with Dr Klein and had at once been subjected to the whole gamut of tests one more time. Bernie had soon discovered that the disease had kicked into overdrive and Superman's life expectancy of five years had been cut in half. Clark was devastated. He would die in about two years, if he were lucky. It was time to start making his time count. Clark adopted the habit of flying home every weekend and it didn't take his parents long to realize that Clark's condition had deteriorated. When he arrived at the farm on his third visit, they'd sat him down and with a little gentle persuasion and a lot of unconditional support, he'd finally broken down and told them about the progression of his illness. Martha and Jonathan had been desolate, yet, as always, they'd put their own pain aside in order to comfort Clark. In the quiet times by themselves, they tried desperately to grasp the fact that they'd soon lose their son. Neither found that easy. Their feelings ran from disbelief, fury and helplessness to dread and acceptance. But they showed nothing of this to their son. For Clark, there would always be a reassuring smile and hug from his mom, while his dad provided encouraging shoulder squeezes and understanding pep-talks. Between them, they kept Clark moving forward. At work, with the enthusiasm and drive that seem to belong to those who know their time on Earth is finite, Clark began to shine. His work had never been better, both surprising and inspiring his partner to such an extent that they'd finished off three major investigations in as many weeks. But Lois was worried. Clark's behavior had changed drastically. He'd started to be overly friendly, even for Clark. He clowned around a lot more and refused to talk about his illness, unless it was a tasteless joke. Lois also noticed he didn't leave the newsroom as much to be Superman. Something had changed and she was going to find out what. **** Lois paced around the conference room. Where was her partner? They'd arranged to come in earlier this morning, to review their interview with the mayor before leaving for City Hall. She checked her watch again and discovered that Clark was now twenty minutes late. This had been a mistake, as Clark had hardly been a reliable timekeeper over the last week. Their colleagues were starting to notice... Perry certainly was. She was fairly sure though that the Chief was cutting her partner a little slack because of his condition. Of course, he would never admit to that, knowing Clark didn't like those sorts of considerations. The elevator doors slid open, catching her attention and she was about to march out of the conference room to confront Clark when she noticed his sickly pallor and the dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked exhausted. Maybe he'd been out doing Superman duties, but she'd already checked the news channels and there were no reports of any superhero activities. In fact, those had been pretty sparse over the last few weeks, almost as if Clark were too tired to be Superman. Yes, something was definitely going wrong for her partner, and she wasn't going to remain in the dark about it. Instead of meeting Clark in the newsroom, Lois waited for him to come to her. She wanted to say what she had to say in private. She saw Clark lift his head wearily and search the room. When he caught her eye, he smiled in embarrassment and made his way to join her. He'd lost the little lift in his step, and Lois felt a momentary pang of sympathy, but she buried it quickly. She had to find out what was going on. "Clark, where have you been?" She launched her verbal attack at him. "You're nearly a half-hour late. We hardly have any time left to plan this interview!" "Sorry, Lois," Clark answered, feigning nonchalance. "I was off being Superman." He made the flying signal in the air with his hand. "Uh-huh," Lois said, just as vaguely. "What was it?" "What was what?" "The Superman stuff... catching criminals, rescue from a fire...." "Just regular stuff," Clark shrugged off her questions. "But I'm here now, so what do we want to say to the Mayor?" He moved over to the computer and started scanning through the files. "Clark, I've already checked the wires, and there haven't been any Superman sightings, so where were you?" "Not everything I do gets reported, Lois! Now would you look at the time?" Clark indicated the conference room clock as he stood again. "You know, we're going to be late for the Mayor and Perry will kill us if we lose this interview. We should go." Clark turned and left the room, heading for the elevator. He was being difficult, and Lois was fuming. Okay, Superman, you've escaped this time, but you can't run forever. You are going to talk to me whether you want to or not, Lois decided as she strode after him. If he wouldn't tell her what was wrong, she'd go to the person who would know. **** Later in the evening, Lois sat in her Jeep outside Clark's apartment. She'd just come from a visit with Dr. Klein, where she'd had to employ all her best interview skills to drag the latest details of Superman's case from the very reluctant doctor. Yet, as before, Dr Klein's resolve had been no match for Mad Dog Lane's persistence and he'd eventually admitted that the leukemia was progressing much faster than he'd anticipated. He'd refused to disclose -- or maybe he didn't exactly know -- just how much longer Superman had to live; however, since he was fairly worried that Superman might find himself in trouble during one of his rescues, he did warn her that he expected the super powers would start to dissipate over the next few months. Now, Lois would be the first one to admit she wasn't the best student in science, but even she knew enough to read between the lines. Clark's life span had been reduced considerably and the 'stupid lunkhead' was trying to be strong about it all, but failing miserably. She remained immobile in the cocoon of her Jeep as the unfamiliar feelings of guilt assailed her. So many times over these past weeks Lois had ranted and raved at Clark about his long-term deception over his secret identity. She'd fought hard to fuse the images of the two men into one reality. Yet, just when she thought she'd got her head around it, something would happen, or some memory of how she'd made a fool of herself with his two different personas would creep like a canker into her mind and she'd find herself snapping sarcastic remarks at him in revenge. But, regardless of her own ambivalent feelings, she couldn't help but notice when Clark had started to act strangely and to deduce what might be the cause. She'd taken to watching her friend closely, had even challenged him on his behavior a couple of times, without success. However, Lois wasn't to be deterred and her single-mindedness had led her to Star Labs. Well, the doctor had confirmed Lois' suspicions that things had gotten worse for Clark, and now she had to deal with that information the only way she knew how. She was here to see if she could talk to her partner... and this time he wasn't going to run away from her because just maybe there was something she could do to help. The door of her Jeep seemed to creak ominously as she opened it, but she ignored the shiver that ran down her spine and made her way up the sidewalk to the apartment of her friend, knowing that, whether he admitted it or not, he needed someone to vent on. Tonight, dual identities and deceit would have to take a back seat, Clark and Superman both needed Lois Lane's support. **** "Hi." Clark answered the door, and his eyebrows rose at the sight of Lois carrying a large flat box and a video. He quickly covered his surprise with a smile and acted a little happier than he actually felt. "Hi. Want some company? I've got a video and pizza." "Sure." Clark stepped aside and let her in. The uncomfortable notion that Lois' visit wasn't purely a social call assailed him. He really wasn't in the mood for company tonight, yet he knew that if he refused, she would take offense, and they'd be off on another of their interminable arguments. He certainly wasn't up for that. The food was spread out on the coffee table so they could eat in comfort as they watched the movie -- 'Lethal Weapon 3' -- one more time. While the pizza was being consumed both pretended to be engrossed in the on screen action, but the minute she'd finished her meal, Lois steered the conversation toward her real reason for being here. "Clark?" "Huh?" He slowly pulled his attention away from the movie to look at her.... Only that wasn't the exact truth. His mind hadn't really been on the TV screen, it had been totally blank -- he'd been zoning out a lot these days. "Why didn't you tell me you got bad news from Dr. Klein?" Clark tossed his napkin on the table and got up angrily. "Did you go ask him about it?" He snatched up the rest of the garbage to take it to the kitchen. This was just like Lois -- always butting in where she had no business to be! If he'd wanted her to know he was sicker, he would have told her. "Clark, don't do this!" She was right behind him at the kitchen counter. "Don't do what, Lois?" he asked as he whirled back to glare at her. "Tell you my state of health is none of your business? Well, it isn't!" He threw his hands up in frustration. Just once he'd like for her *not* to dig deeper. "I've told you before I just want to be here for you." She deliberately kept her voice low, offering Clark a listening post should he want it. He had to be so confused and scared right now, but before she could think of anything else to say that might placate him, he was shouting something else at her. "No. I remember very clearly one of the things that you mentioned. You told me you hated for the world to lose Superman. Lois bit at her lower lip then. She had told him that. They'd had a silly fight about a month after she found out who he really was and she'd finally let her resentment over his duplicity get to her. They'd been on a stakeout where Clark had calmly used his super vision to check out the warehouse they were watching. Suddenly, all the times he'd pretended he couldn't see, couldn't jump... couldn't even open a peanut butter jar swamped her and she'd exploded, throwing out the fact that her main concern was Superman's fate and not that of her partner. Until she'd blurted out those words, Lois hadn't realized she was in so much pain over the fact that Superman was dying. Almost from that first meeting in the colonists' space-transporter, she'd been convinced she was in love with Superman, but finding out that Clark was the man in blue had thrown her emotions into confusion. After that mind-blowing revelation, she'd felt so hurt and humiliated she didn't know what to think any more. To make matters worse, she couldn't deny that her heart was aching for her friend, the Clark she'd come to know at work and in their off-duty hours. But she'd been so mad with that friend for keeping her in the dark that on this particular night, she'd informed him that she hated for the world to lose Superman, merely in a defensive effort to hurt Clark. And it had. It had cut him deeply. He'd fallen silent and it wasn't long before he made up an excuse to leave. He didn't come back to the stakeout, and for the next few weeks their quarrel had simmered on, until Perry had warned them that they were professionals and they ought to keep their private life out of his newsroom. So they'd been forced into calling a truce, and in the calm that followed, Lois finally allowed herself to leave her bruised feelings behind and to really look at the man under the Suit. She began to see Clark in a whole new light. "You're right. I did say that. Not my most shining moment," she finally admitted, looking directly into Clark's eyes. "Clark, I know that hurt you and I'm so sorry." "You're just sorry your ideal man was an illusion." Clark moved away from Lois, still unable to believe she was being sincere. To tell the truth, he wasn't sure how he'd expected Lois to react. Yes, she'd be mad, but the way she hurt him that night was... vindictive... or.... defensive. He was perfectly aware that Lois had been deeply wounded by what she saw as a huge lack of trust on his part, and Lois' philosophy was always that the best line of defense was attack. He'd witnessed it a thousand times, but, right now, he didn't know if he had the strength to accept that - - he had his own demons to fight. Yet she wasn't about to let him off the hook, because she'd come around to stand in front of him. "No. I'm sorry I didn't stop to see the wonderful man my partner is." Clark opened his mouth to throw out another smart retort, but closed it again when he saw the earnestness in Lois' eyes. Could she really mean what she said? Had she at last come to accept him for who he was? "Clark, I'll gladly admit I was a fool. I let my 'moony-eyed cheerleader' attitude over the flashy superhero run away with my good sense." Lois shrugged self-consciously. "Who would believe it? Mad Dog Lane has a 'moony-eyed cheerleader' side. Wow, I can't believe I even admitted that. Clark, I did what I always do. I latched on to what I wanted to be real and true and pushed everything else aside. Now, while I can't lie and tell you I've worked this whole Superman business out in my head, I will tell you that I want to help you, the partner and friend I see suffering." He turned and stared out the window into the darkness. What he wanted more than anything was for Lois to look at *Clark* in her 'moony-eyed cheerleader' way, but that was probably never going to happen. And he couldn't deny that he'd seen pain in Lois' dark eyes... pain for a friend, and maybe that was enough. More than anything, seeing others suffer because of him was tearing him apart... and this was Lois... his best friend. Breaking the deafening silence, Lois reached out and touched his arm. "Clark?" Fear and frustration were dammed up within Clark's soul, but at Lois' touch they overtook him and he started to shake. Clark's crossed arms hugged his body in an attempt to still the trembling. Lois brought her other hand up and gently rubbed his folded arms. "It's okay to admit you're scared... even for Superman." she said experimentally. "And it can only help to let it out," she finished on a whisper. Clark's chin dropped in defeat to his chest and his shakes gave way to shuddering as his whole body convulsed with pent-up emotions. When a sob escaped his mouth, Lois turned him around and wrapped him in her arms. He needed her... so much. His hands clutched her back. "I don't want to die," he whispered. "I know," she said, fighting to control her own tears as she held him. Clark finally allowed himself to cry for the things he'd never have or get to do. He cried for all the things he'd miss or never experience. And he cried knowing this was the only way he'd ever get to hold Lois Lane. Lois stroked his back and shoulders as his body began to calm, then gently removed his glasses so she could wipe away his tears without obstruction. Clark turned his face into her neck and grasped her tighter, as if she were his lifeline to the world. With sorrowing compassion, Lois simply readjusted her hold and gave him the time he needed. It was much later when Lois drew back enough to see his face. "Come on, let's go back to the sofa, so you can lay your head on my lap. You look like you're about to drop." "I am tired," he admitted with the ghost of a smile. She took his hand and led him back into the living room, settling on one end of the sofa and pulling Clark down beside her. He curled up like a small child as she encouraged him to use her lap as a pillow, then she began to softly massage his head. "That feels good," he told her after a few moments. "Close your eyes and enjoy it." "Can't. If I close my eyes, I see..." He stopped and swallowed hard, unable to finish his harrowing thought. "It's okay. Just relax a little if you can." There was another silence which he ended with a penitent admission. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." "Shhh." Lois didn't want to talk about the fact that he didn't have long to live. It was too painful... for both of them. And she still hadn't reached any conclusion about whether she was hurting more because Superman was dying or because Clark was. The thing was, it shouldn't really matter anyway as they were the same person, weren't they? She'd worked out that Clark made Superman who he was. Without the farm boy from Kansas, the man in tights would be nothing more than a shell. Yet, didn't it also follow that Clark was the man he was because of his alien differences? She still found it all very confusing and she hadn't yet surrendered all of her anger. Only she was no longer sure what outraged her most... the fact that Clark -- Mr. Greenjeans, was also the 'God in tights' who, by the way, was supposed to stand for truth and justice, but who had blatantly been dishonest with her by pretending to be two totally different men, or with the fact that fate was about to rob her of them both. And in the face of that terrible truth, wasn't she being incredibly selfish to hold onto her anger? Whatever guise she thought of him as, he was still her friend and he was still dying. There was no confusion in her soul about that -- she hated the fact that soon she'd be saying good-bye to that friend. Clark's steady breathing told her his exhaustion had gotten the better of him. He was sleeping, so she propped her feet up on the coffee table and laid her head back. She'd stay here tonight and let him rest. **** Somewhere nearing three in the morning Clark awoke. His super hearing had alerted him to a gang fight down in Suicide Slum and according to the police reports there was every chance there could be fatalities if the situation couldn't be contained quickly. He had no choice, Superman was needed. Clark was grateful for what little time he'd had to sleep and he was well aware that it was due to Lois' ministrations. At least, he felt less tired, he decided as he climbed to his feet, careful not to disturb his sleeping partner. He smiled down at her, then his smile changed to a frown. Poor Lois would end up with a very stiff neck if she spent the rest of the night in that awkward position. Clark slid his arms beneath her and carried his precious bundle through to his bed. There he laid her down and she immediately rolled over, snuggling under the covers. He would thank her in the morning for being there for him, he thought as he stood back and spun into the suit. Then in a blur of color he disappeared. Nearly an hour later, Lois sat straight up in bed, gasping for air. She'd dreamed they were burying Clark... and it seemed so real... so terrible. She thought they might have been in Smallville, but since she'd never visited the cemetery when she'd been there, she couldn't be sure. All his family and friends were present, standing in the endless rain by the grave beneath the trees. His parents were inconsolable. Jimmy was torn apart, while Perry cried silently.... And she just felt so empty... as if she'd lost something that she'd never really had. It took her a minute to realize where she was. Clark must have put her in his bed. She fell back with a sigh of relief, letting her racing heart calm down. He was still here, still alive. Slowly she drifted back to sleep. A very different dream wakened her as early morning sunlight seeped in through the window and warmed her face. She quickly pushed back the covers and got out of bed. When she stepped into the kitchen after a detour to the bathroom, she found Clark cooking eggs for breakfast. He looked up and smiled at her. "'Morning." Lois stared at him, trying to reconcile the images she'd just seen in both her dreams. It was as if her subconscious mind had given her the answer to his problem. Clark frowned at her expression. "Lois, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." Now that was just too close for comfort. In that instant, she knew what she had to do. "Clark, I want to help make you well." "You did more for me last night than you'll ever know." "Not that. Well, that too, but I mean... more." "More?" He lifted the pan and poured the eggs on the plate. "I'm doing all I can." "Not quite." She pushed her hair back out of her face. This was probably the craziest thing she'd ever contemplated doing, but when had Lois ever let that deter her. "You can do one other thing." Clark looked up at her as he picked up the plates. "What other... thing?" Clark stopped and stared at her He set the plates on the table before speaking. "The baby thing?! You're serious?" "I've never been more serious in my life." "And what? You're volunteering your services?" he quipped with a half laugh, attempting to joke her ridiculous suggestion away. "Yes, why not?" Lois really wasn't feeling as confident as she sounded, but she'd made her play and she wasn't about to back down. "Lois, we can't do that." "Why not?" she repeated. "Why not? Because bringing a child into the world for such an idiotic reason is ridiculous. How can you even be considering it?" "Idiotic reason? Your life is idiotic?" she confronted him as Clark sighed and glanced away from her. "And I'm considering it, Clark, because a child of yours could save your life." "Or the child could lose its father and you'd be on your own. Lois, Bernard's theory is only speculation." Lois froze at Clark's first statement. She wasn't really sure if she could handle that scenario. In fact, she hadn't really thought past the marrow transplant stage. But, as always, Lois refused to contemplate defeat, so she buried that particular outcome in the back of her mind and tackled his second point. "He doesn't think so. He thinks it would work. And if it does, you will heal. No more being scared or being sick or swallowing pills." She snatched up one of his now ten different medications laid out on the table in preparation for Clark taking them. "Wouldn't that be the best? Clark, one tiny detail could save your life." "Tiny detail? Lois, a baby is not a tiny detail. This child might come into the world for one particular reason, but it wouldn't end there!" Lois might have tunnel vision, but her partner would always care about how his actions would affect others... especially if that other happened to be his own baby. "The baby would be alive; a little person alive, thriving, and in need of constant attention. You and I would have a child to care for... for life. A baby wouldn't cease to exist because a little marrow had saved its father's life." "I know that." Lois insisted with a certain amount of bravado. "Do you? Do you know how much responsibility a baby really is? You'd be someone's mother, and, correct me if I'm wrong, but you've never given the slightest indication that being a mother was high on your list of priorities." "Maybe not, but I'm not intractable. I can change! Are you saying I couldn't do this?" Lois' arms had folded over her chest, shutting herself off defensively. Clark noted her reaction and decided that perhaps he best back- pedal a little. "Lois, I think you could do anything you set your mind to. But I don't think you've thought this through. A lot of my friends back in Smallville have kids and, though I don't have a lot of practical experience, I know being a parent isn't easy. You'd lose sleep, change messy diapers and listen to hours of crying. Then would come the 'terrible twos' and, before you could draw breath, it would be time to start school. There would be PTA meetings, homework, school plays, and on and on. It's endless work; endless, hard, tiring work. And what happens if I die anyway? Then you'd have to raise this child on your own." "Don't be silly. I'd always have your parents," she said to break the tense mood. She thought it had made him angry, but soon she saw his lips quiver. Clark laughed softly and shook his head, unable to hold back. Once more the famous Lane reasoning had surfaced... and, in this case, she wasn't wrong. There was never any doubt his parents would be there for her. "Don't try to make this sound so... so..." "So what? So easy? Clark, it is easy." "No, Lois, it's not. We can't do this. I can't do this." "Can't do it period or won't just because it's me?" "No... period! I don't want you doing something you will probably regret just because you feel sorry for me." "I don't feel sorry for you. I just don't see why I have to lose you if I don't have to." Clark stared at her for a searching instant. "Oh, I get it. You're willing to do this to keep Superman from dying." Lois stepped up to him and slapped his face as hard as she dared. "How dare you accuse me of being so shallow?" It was a totally impulsive reaction, even though she couldn't deny that just last night she'd thought herself foolish for not knowing which man she'd miss more. But her dreams had proved that Clark wasn't just her partner at the Planet, or the farmer's son from Smallville. He wasn't just Superman, the treasured hero, either. He was all those things and so very much more, and it was the whole man that Lois wanted to save. With her help, a son wouldn't have to die; her partner and friend wouldn't have to suffer as cancer ate away at his body and the world would be spared its superhero. So with all these reasons churning round in her soul, his sarcastic comment stung her with incredible pain. It took a lot for Lois to offer such undeniable generosity and Clark's words hurt. She turned and stormed into the living room to find her shoes. Clark put a hand to the skin she'd just branded, stunned by her action. Then he twirled to go after her. "Lois, wait." She halted at his words and walked back to meet him with a glare. "No, you wait. I am willing to do this for you -- not Superman, not Clark, just you and I don't care who you think that is." As Lois threw out each of his names she accompanied them with a finger poked into his chest. "And, just maybe you should explore your own feelings about that because I don't think you're too clear on just who you are either. But don't ever accuse me of being shallow enough to do this so just part of you can survive. 'Cause, you know what? Both of you will die if I don't." She turned again and started toward the door, jerking up her bag and jacket on passing, but she paused at the top of the stairs. "I'm headed to Star Labs to talk to Dr. Klein, regardless of what you think. Your smart-ass comment didn't change my mind, so the option's still open. Take it or not, it makes no difference to me." She slammed the door as she left, knowing that last part was a lie... it did make a difference to her. Clark stared at his closed door, which happened to be shaking infinitesimally at her abrupt passing. Seconds later, he had to remind himself to draw breath. Now that his partner had gone, he felt kinda lonely and without much enthusiasm he returned to eat his eggs -- Bernie had stressed the importance of his eating regularly. Lois sure had given him a lot to consider and, boy, she'd certainly put his whole existence into a different perspective for him. Not that he was remotely contemplating taking her up on her suggestion. Still, he had time to eat breakfast before she could get to Star Labs. Maybe he'd just fly over there and see what was going on. **** The Lab was quiet as the grave as Dr Klein stared incredulously at his early-morning visitor so, much so that Lois almost found herself touching her head to make sure she hadn't just grown another one. To be honest, she thought she might have to apply mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, as Bernard had nearly passed out when Lois revealed her intention to have Superman's baby in order to save his life. However, once she'd finally convinced the shell-shocked doctor that she was absolutely serious, he'd recovered sufficiently to talk over exactly what the options would be to make the child's conception possible. With only the odd stutter, Bernie pointed out what the available methods were -- natural, of course, in vitro fertilization, and artificial insemination. Lois gave the list a short review, but opted for artificial insemination when Dr. Klein pointed out that in vitro often resulted in multiple births. She was willing to have this baby, but she didn't want two or three or more. Besides, Klein was of the opinion that the 'K' gene, as he'd dubbed it, was so strong, it was bound to be passed on to a baby and therefore the child would be compatible with Superman. And natural conception in Lois' opinion was a total non-starter. Throwing an intimate relationship with Clark into the mix, however briefly, just wouldn't be wise. They had enough problems dealing with each other as it was. Plus, you just didn't jump in bed with your friend, no matter what the reason. At least, Lois didn't! She hadn't jumped in bed with anyone lately, not since Claude, and she really had no inclination to repeat the experience. There was also the fact that she still hadn't completely reconciled his identity in her head. Okay, she'd accepted it, only occasionally she just couldn't seem to make up her mind how she felt about it, so adding 'sex' to their already unstable relationship could seriously send her into mental overload. Since they'd arrived at a plan of action both felt there was no time to lose. Dr Klein drew some blood samples from Lois and she answered several 'cringe-inducing' personal questions, which had paled into insignificance during a very embarrassing physical examination. Her only tiny consolation was that she wasn't sure which one of them had been more mortified. Bernard, for his part, was barely able to look at Lois as he stumbled through his explanation, completely abashed to be the one asking all the questions. He finally admitted that he was out of his realm, but that he was honored that Superman, and now Lois, had entrusted him with such an enormous and important task. He assured the young woman he'd do everything possible for them both. Like her, he was glad to be able to help, and hopefully, between them, they could save Superman's life. Lois was very relieved when they reached the final procedure, which was to take Lois' temperature and to calculate when her most fertile days would occur. Thank goodness this was a private facility and she and Bernard could set their own agenda. She would have hated to go through all this at some hospital or clinic. The process took Bernard over three hours and at the end of it, Lois was left feeling battered and numb. Strangely, it had all seemed incredibly impersonal... if you ignored the probing questions and that dreadful exam. Well, she'd have to get used to that if this actually happened. Which led her to wondering if she was doing the right thing. If this actually happened, she'd be someone's mother. Perhaps Clark had a point. Could she do that? Could she nurture another human being? Yet what choice did she have? Clark was dying. Without her, any chance for him to recover would not be possible. The frightening impact of her dream had spurred her on to do this, but in the calm light of day, reality was setting in. She was really planning to have Clark's baby! Just like anything else she did in life, she'd jumped into this before she'd thought about it. She'd told Clark it wasn't a snap decision -- that she knew babies could be a lot of work, but that hadn't exactly been the truth. Yet, while she might not have thought through all the details of the situation, there was something inside her that wouldn't let her back down from this. Having this baby was the right thing to do. In Lois' mind, this child already existed. She just had to convince Clark to help breathe life into those tiny lungs. Lois, finished off straightening her clothes again and returned to Bernie's tiny office to find the doctor studying some figures. "Dr. Klein? Is there something wrong?" He looked up at Lois like a startled fawn, causing her to wonder just why she had that effect on the poor man. "No, no," he stammered, "everything looks just fine. All we need is Papa's donation and we can get this going." Lois grimaced at that. She still had to convince Papa, and she had to inform the doctor of this fact. "Hmm, that might be a problem, Dr Klein." "Why's that?" he enquired conversationally. "Well, he and I sorta had a disagreement about this. He doesn't think it's such a good idea." Bernard regarded her wide-eyed, this was beginning to be i ntriguing."The baby part or how to make it?" "The baby, period! He doesn't think I fully realize how serious a business having a baby would be. But, Dr. Klein, I have to do this." Lois took a seat across the desk from Bernard and clasped her hands tightly to still their nervous twisting. "I can't explain it. All I know is that if I don't, and he dies, I would never forgive myself." "I understand. Believe me, I happen to think what you're doing is fantastic." "Thank you." Lois smiled wistfully. "But I'm not doing this for thanks." "I know that!" "I think he's a little concerned about what everyone would think, too. It's not exactly like we can tell everyone he's sick and I'm having his baby to save his life." "Lois, you're not going to tell anyone you're having Superman's baby?" Klein looked totally horrified. "That could be very dangerous for you and the baby. If word of that got out, you could both become targets for any villain who wanted to control Superman or madman who had a grudge against him!" "Oh no! Definitely not!" Lois had to remind herself that the doctor wasn't in on Clark's secret identity. Actually, that point wasn't too difficult to solve as everyone would be told that Clark Kent was the father -- after all, many of the Planet staff were already aware of Clark's illness. But then, the doctor hadn't been informed that the two men were one yet... that was something else that needed to be addressed. Meanwhile, Klein was looking at her with a troubled expression. "Don't worry about that, Doctor. It really won't be a problem. My biggest hurdle will be to persuade Superman to take me up on my offer." "Well, that may be where you have to get creative." "What?" Now it was Lois' turn to look at the doctor as if he'd grown two heads. Somehow she'd never envisaged discussing her intimate plans with the 'nutty professor'. Still, right about now, she was grateful for any friendly ear. "Think about it, Lois. Maybe he still can't believe that his life will be saved, even if you do have the baby. Maybe he sees everything he does from now on as the last chance he'll ever get to do those things. He might want more than just a cold, sterile conception for his child." "I hadn't thought of that." Bernard leaned across the desk, warming to his subject. "Lois, he may be dying and he may be Superman, but this would still be his child. He wouldn't necessarily see it as his savior." Lois knew he was right. After all, Clark had said as much this morning. This would be Clark's first child. She had a fair notion that he thought it would be his only child. Why would he want to have one this way? To save his life, she reminded herself. Perhaps Clark was the one who needed reminding of that, but he just didn't view it that way. Bernie had got it in one! Clark would never think of having a child merely as a method to cure him of a terminal disease. He'd told her this was an idiotic reason. To Clark, a baby would always be a precious gift -- a living, breathing little person in its own right. She would have to get very creative about this if she was going to convince him this was the right thing to do. "Do you have any suggestions, as a man, on how I could sway his decision on this?" Bernie scratched his head for a few moments, wondering how he could put this delicately. "I suppose I know Superman better than most, but I'm not very good at close relationships... and I doubt that Superman is either. I mean, he and I don't really socialize. Though the little I've seen of the man tells me he's a special person... but he's also a man, a young, red-blooded man. You have to remember this would be his child, quite possibly his only child." Lois almost smiled as the doctor echoed her thoughts. "Maybe, he'd want something a little more... personal as far as conception is concerned." "Are you suggesting I... offer him an old fashioned conception?" Bernie shrugged. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm just saying you should find out if he even wants this child to exist. If he does, then consider all your options. I personally think conceiving naturally is always your best option. And with time running so short, you don't want to spend too much time debating the issue. I'd be happier if you could get pregnant before he loses his powers. We're in uncharted territory here, and I'm not totally sure whether the 'K' gene would become recessive and therefore not be passed on." Lois leaned forward to grasp the desk, her knuckles showing white with tension. She had no problems with conceiving with the help of medical technology, but physically? Lois baulked at the idea! This was Clark they were talking about and she was back to the recurring question. Could she be intimate with someone she considered only as a friend? But what if it was the only way.... She stopped halfway through that thought. Did it matter how the child was conceived as long as the end result was that Superman recovered? In fact, if she was being truthful, she'd have to admit that only a few months back, she'd have been over the moon at the prospect of Superman sharing her bed.... And if she was playing the honesty card, she also had to take into account that seeing Clark in just a towel, that first time in the Apollo Hotel, had raised her temperature a few degrees. But it was all so much more complicated now... not to mention a little egotistical on her part! I mean she didn't even know if Clark felt that way about her... though she had her suspicions. And what happened if they conceived that way and he did recover? What then? Would they have problems being around each other afterward? An evil thought crossed her mind and she couldn't restrain a naughty grin. What happened if they did conceive naturally and she found out sex with Clark was something she wasn't adverse to? It could be a chance to fulfill some of those Superman fantasies... and she'd definitely find out how the 'suit' came off! she admonished herself, but it did shed a more enticing aspect on the whole situation. Lois quashed her wayward thoughts, thanked Dr Klein and left. She'd have to rethink this a little.... Okay, a lot! **** Lois got back to the newsroom to discover a number of staffers grouped round the various TV screens, watching an ongoing emergency. The complex man in her thoughts was negotiating a stand off with a very nervous teen who had shot some of his classmates and was threatening to kill himself. Superman was trying to talk the young boy out of what he was doing. Ironic, Lois thought. 'You're a walking time bomb trying to save another one.' She turned to see Martha emerge from Perry's office, which did surprise Lois as Clark hadn't mentioned his mother was visiting. The older woman smiled as she approached her desk. "Lois. How are you?" Lois smiled back and rose to accept her offered hug. "I'm fine. How are you?" "I guess I've seen better days," Martha admitted quietly. Lois could see that Martha had indeed spoken the truth. The woman looked tired and she seemed to lack her usual sparkle. "You probably have," Lois said sympathetically, realizing that she wasn't the only one who was dreading the loss of Clark. "Got time for a coffee?" "Sure." The woman looked gratefully at Lois as she led the way into the conference room. A few minutes later they'd settled on opposite sides of the table at the far end of the room and were sharing coffee and conversation. This was the first time Lois had talked to Martha since she'd discovered the family secret, and Clark had told her that his parents knew that she was no longer on the outside looking in. "What brings you to the city?" Lois ventured, feeling fairly apprehensive. Clark might have assured her that his parents were glad she finally knew, but that didn't calm the butterflies that were fluttering around in her stomach. The older woman smiled, recognizing the taut lines round Lois' mouth. "Well, first I'd like to welcome you to the family. Jonathan and I are really happy that you're in on the secret." Martha drew the 'S' sign on her chest to show exactly what she meant. "It's good to know he has someone in his corner looking out for him." Lois blushed, thinking of the times when her short-tempered outbursts could hardly be described as 'looking out for Clark'. Yet it seemed that Clark had forgotten to mention these incidents to his parents. "I do try, Martha!" "I'm sure you do, my dear!" The younger woman's flushed face wasn't lost on Martha, and she was sure there'd been a few lively confrontations between Lois and her son. Knowing this feisty young lady, she expected nothing less and it didn't bother her in the slightest. In fact, Martha was of the opinion that it had probably done her son some good. Sometimes, she felt his self- imposed isolation was unhealthy. But that wasn't her chief concern at present. "And, of course, I wanted to make sure Clark was taking care of himself. His dad and I worry about him, and he hasn't been home since he told us about the disease getting worse." "Yeah. He just told me last night." Lois' voice developed an edge. Was there a chance that she might have found an ally? "Clark can be so stubborn." "Tell me about it." Lois stayed silent for a second, determined to create an effect. She hated playing games like this, but, in this case winning was crucial. "Did you know there's a way for him to get better?" "What?" Martha sat up straighter, her interest immediately caught by anything that could give her a little hope for her son's survival. The reaction was just what Lois was looking for, and she continued more gently. "Dr. Klein told him that a bone marrow transplant could save him." "But how is that possible? Don't bone marrow donors have to be compatible with the recipient? He's not like everyone else." Martha threw a searching glance at Lois. "I thought you understood that?" "I do! That's the only glitch. He'd have to find someone else from wherever he comes from, and, as we know that's not possible...." Lois paused again, only this time because she was unsure of how to say the next part. As it was, she just dived right in. "He'd have to... father a child." "What?" "Yeah. The doctor believes a child, even a half Earthling child, would have enough of the genes that make Clark super to reverse the disease." "Incredible!" Martha sat very still, her brow creased in concentration, trying hard to come to terms with this information. "We always wondered if he could even father a child with an Earth woman." "According to Dr Klein, that part seems to be totally normal. Only one extra DNA marker separates Kryptonians from Earthlings." Martha stared down at her coffee. Finally she chuckled softly. "He can't advertise for something like this, huh?" Lois smiled back at her. She was once again reminded of why she liked Martha so much--they were so alike. "I said the same thing." They shared a short laugh, easing a lot of the tension. Then Lois dropped her bombshell. "That's why I offered to do it." That remark halted Martha's laughter immediately and her face went blank. She stared wide-eyed and open mouthed at the younger woman. "Can you believe it, he accused me of being shallow enough to offer just to save Superman. I slapped his face." If it were possible, Martha's eyes opened even wider and she snorted. Only she wasn't sure which astounded her most -- her son's obtuseness, Lois' punitive response, or the proposition itself. After taking a second or so to compose herself, she leaned over the table. "May I ask you, why did you offer?" The older lady didn't want Lois to think she was prying, yet she felt the answer was important as to whether the young couple should go ahead with this proposal. But for all that, she couldn't totally crush her instinctive surge of hope. Clark was her son and she loved him dearly. The prospect of life without him was destroying her. "I went to his apartment last night," Lois started her narrative slowly, very much aware that she needed to gain Martha's support. She couldn't see Clark agreeing if he felt his mother disapproved. "I held him while he cried and told me he didn't want to die. The most powerful man on this planet shook in fear. When I went to sleep I dreamed of his funeral. That was awful. And I dreamt of you and Jonathan and how much you'd hurt if Clark died. It was so realistic and horrible that I woke up hardly able to breathe. You have no idea the relief I felt when I realized it was only a nightmare. Then I dreamt of this tiny little person who could possibly stop all this from happening. One choice separates us all from losing someone very dear to our hearts." Weird! That was the first time she'd ever admitted out loud that Clark could mean more to her than just a good friend. But then, in her heart, she'd always known that he was her 'best' friend and she'd never really had one of those before... she was just realizing how very precious they were. Of course, someone who knew about the secret identity and everything involved with it, such as Martha, could easily assume Lois had made the comment about Superman and not Clark. After all, wasn't that what Clark had done? Inwardly, she wanted to scream. This dual identity thing was messing about with her brain and it only appeared to be getting worse. "Lois, honey, we're not talking about a puppy here. A baby is very serious business." If Martha had noticed Lois' inner battle, she didn't indicate a thing. "I know it is. But so is Clark's life." She wiped at the tear that had found its way down her cheek. "I'm willing to sacrifice the rest of my life to save his, even if no one else feels it's a good idea." Martha sat silently watching, as the younger woman struggled with her emotions. This was taking a toll on Lois, too. She wasn't sure if what had been suggested was such a good idea, but the fear for her son's life was ever present. Part of her wanted to tell Lois she agreed whol