By Hazel <email@example.com>
Submitted March 2004
Summary: This filk, written as entertainment for the 2004 Kerths, celebrates some of the diverse and inventive ways in which fanfic authors have managed to kill Lex Luthor.
Author's Note: This filk was written in honor of the 2004 Kerths, to the tune of "Just You Wait, 'Enry 'Iggins" from the musical "My Fair Lady." All deaths cited actually take place in various fanfics, which are credited below. Please note that the citing of these deaths serves as spoilers of sorts for the stories, so if you don't want to know, don't read the credits. :)
Just You Wait, Lexy Luthor!
Just you wait, Lexy Luthor, just you wait You'll be sorry when the FoLCs decide your fate You'll be shot, your atoms scattered Or your frozen corpse all battered Just you wait, Lexy Luthor, just you wait!
Just you wait, Lexy Luthor, for the squeals When the FoLCs arrange your death beneath the wheels It might be some clones a-fussing Or ignominious bussing Oh ho ho, Lexy Luthor, just you wait!
Ooooooh, Lexy Luthor! Just you wait until we're flying near the sea Ooooooh, Lexy Luthor! And you lose your superpowers next to me. I'll be off, a happy winner While a shark has you for dinner! Oh ho ho, Lexy Luthor! Oh ho ho, Lexy Luthor! Just you wait!
Each week we go visiting the archive to see All the lovely new stories written for LnC. With the plots A- and B- running nice and complex, We very often see the villain turns out as Lex.
So the question needs to be begged: Should Luthor be left live or dead?
We'll turn to dear Lois and ask her to decide If she likes Lexy prisoned or prefers Lexy fried. "Thanks a lot," Lois answers with a toss of her head, "But all I want is… Lexy Luthor dead!"
"Done!" cry the FoLCs with a stroke. "Phil, come and slaughter the bloke!"
Then the Mad Professor makes a special show DNA grenade and pistol set to go With a gusto we admire He shouts, "Ready, aim, FIRE!"
Oh ho ho, Lexy Luthor! Down you'll go, Lexy Luthor! JUST! YOU! WAIT!
Lex is shot and his atoms scattered in Yvonne Connell's Fear of Discovery 3.
Lex's frozen corpse is found battered on a cliff in Labrat's Masques.
Lex is run over by his own immature clones in Kathy Brown's Pronounce Away!
Lex is run over ignominiously by a bus in Pam Jernigan's Just Like That.
Lex loses his superpowers and literally turns into sharkbait in Wendy Richards' When Lightning Strikes Twice.
Lex is shot with a pistol in the mouth and simultaneously blown up by a DNA-destroying thermite grenade down his trousers in Phil Atcliffe's Stronger Than Me Alone. That's right, he's not dubbed the Mad Professor for nothing. ;)
If you know of any other inventive Lex deaths in other LnC fanfics, why not drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me about it? You never know — I might create a revised edition! :)