Our Lady of Ni

By JenD <jmdipalma@shc.edu>

Rated: PG

Submitted: June, 2004

Summary: There's an art to breaking and entering…and there's an even bigger art to getting caught.

Isn't it always the way how a scene pops in your head, and it refuses to leave until you sit down and write? Many thanks to the folks at http://www.lcficmbs.com for naming my religious order and, of course, for taking the time to read and leave comments. I appreciate it so much! Tomatoes (good or bad) are always welcome. A final thanks goes to my GE, LabRat. You're the best!


Clark Kent surreptitiously pulled down his glasses just a bit and took a quick look around. The foyer of the hospital was free of security guards for the moment. He casually strolled through the electronic doors and walked up to the front desk. At the moment, the receptionist was the only person who could identify him if he got caught, and he doubted she was paying attention anyway. She couldn't have been older than a high school student, and she was chewing an enormous wad of gum while she read her magazine. Clark tapped on the counter bell, and she finally looked up when it 'dinged'.

"Visiting hours are over, sir," she informed him like a broken record. She didn't look up from her reading.

"Yes, I know that," Clark replied politely. "I'm…Dr. Kent. Dr. Anderson left me some files to pick up in Admissions, but this is my first time at Providence Hospital, and I'm a little lost."

"Oh." The receptionist put down her magazine, and looked over Dr. Kent. He seemed put together. Out of date clothes, she noted, but over-all, not bad looking. He smiled warmly at her. "Well, I suppose it's all right, just this once. Take a left down the hallway, and go down the first flight of stairs. Admissions door will be on your right."

"Great, thanks." Clark smiled at her one last time and followed her directions. This would be a piece of cake. He trod lightly down the flight of stairs, and pushed the stairwell door open slowly. The hallway was clear. He spotted the Admissions door, but when he got to it, it was locked. He couldn't very well break in, so he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a paperclip. Lois was better at this than he was, but it was worth a shot.

He inserted the clip into the door, and listened carefully as he started picking the lock. After a few minutes, he realized he was extremely bad at this. He took the clip out of the door and drew in a breath. He'd try it one more time.

He looked around the hallway…and spotted a hospital employee walking his way. He'd completely tuned out the rest of the world while he was listening for the lock! Clark stuffed the clip back into his pocket and tried to look casual. There was no point in running now.

"Can I help you, sir?" the janitor asked.

"Uh…Dr. Kent. I'm Dr. Kent," Clark replied. "I'm just waiting for Dr. Anderson. He's supposed to meet me here and go over some files."

"Uh huh." The janitor eyed him doubtfully. "At midnight."

"Really. You can ask the receptionist. You know us crazy doctors…always keeping the late hours."

"Oh, like Amy ever does her job. I've caught more bums like you roaming around after hours than I can count. I think I better call security just to cover myself." He picked up his walkie talkie and started speaking into it.

"Don't bother, Janitor Bud, he's with me." A nun dressed in a habit stepped up behind him.

"Sister…Lane?" Clark choked out as she lifted up her face from…prayer? It took all he had to suppress a laugh.

"Grace and…more…grace, my child," Sister Lane responded.

"Oh, you must be new," Bud cut in. "What order are you from?" He shut off his walkie talkie.

"Uh-order?" Lois stammered out. "Oh! Um, I'm from…Our Lady of…Ni," she finished lamely.

"That's the one outside France, right?" Bud asked. Lois nodded firmly. Clark watched the expression on the janitor's face. He was actually dumb enough to believe that crazy lie.

"So what do you guys do? Teach, clothe the poor?"

"Um…" Lois thought for a minute. "We center ourselves around peace…patience… (Clark snorted)…and…we…teach children how to cook and play them Elvis music."

"No kidding."

"Yeah, we're a new and liberal group," Lois said casually with a wave of her hand. "So, do you mind if —"

"Dr. Kent," Clark cut in.

"— Dr. Kent joins me here for some…vespers?" Lois asked. She had no idea what vespers were, but if they did them on The Sound of Music, it must be a nun thing.

Clark glanced at Bud again. There was no way the janitor was buying all of this horse manure. He wasn't getting out of this one. Two security guards and a police officer suddenly burst through the stairwell door. "I think your order is similar to 'Our Lady of Bail," Bud informed her, clearly amused.

"What?!" Lois' arms were roughly pulled behind her and handcuffed. "You can't charge me with anything!"

"Look, lady. We found a nun tied up in a broom closet. You're wearing one of her habits, and junior here," the officer pointed at Clark, "is walking around after hours. You want to explain all of this?"


Clark sat down on the floor in the county jail cell. "Our Lady of Ni?!" He exclaimed after the police officer locked them in. "What in the world were you thinking?!"

"What?! I watched Monty Python before I went to the hospital," Lois replied hotly. "There's like a millions orders! How the hell was I supposed to know they wouldn't buy that! And besides, things were going *just fine* before you showed up, *Dr. Kent*." She glared at him.

"Yeah, sure. You assaulted a nun, for gods' sakes!"

They started bickering back and forth. The officer on duty interrupted only once to give them each their one phone call, but apparently Perry White wasn't about to get out of bed at 2am to post bail. "You can darn well rot in that cell for the stunts you two pulled tonight! Great Shades of Elvis!" He hung up on Lois. And the bickering continued.