By Macy Kinler <email@example.com>
Submitted: December 2003
Summary: After seeing a movie that hits close to home for Lois, she finds herself alone in her apartment contemplating her relationship with Clark. Is there anything between her and Clark? Does she have someone to lean on or is she truly alone? And was Plato's theory of soul mates misunderstood? Leave it to Lois to add new meaning to a 3000-year-old theory.
Lois sat on the window ledge of her apartment, staring out on the city. Tears filled her eyes as her breathing became more and more labored in a futile attempt to keep herself from crying. She had returned a few hours earlier from seeing "Life or Something Like It" with her best friend and partner Clark Kent. In the movie, Angelina Jolie's character found out that she had less than a week to live. Throughout the movie , she had to come to grips with her bad family relationship, her obsession with her job, and her feelings for a man that she worked with. The movie had hit very close to home for Lois. But crying over it? This was a new low for her.
Clark had dropped her off quickly, claiming that he forgot to pick up his dry cleaning and needed to run before the cleaners closed. After he had left , she changed into her most comfortable sweats and put a pot of water up to make some tea.
Reviewing the movie in her mind, Lois realized that despite their similarities Lois and Angelina had one major difference. Angelina's co-worker in the movie had been in love with her the whole time. She didn't have to be alone. And while Clark loved her as a best friend, Lois knew that Clark would never *really* love her like that.
At the thought of this, Lois choked up. Confused, she wiped a stray tear away and wondered why that thought had hurt her so deeply. Clark was her best friend. Nothing more. But maybe…
*No!* she thought to herself. *I do not love Clark that way! He's my best friend. The one I turn to for everything. He's my other half…my soul mate.*
This revelation shocked her to the core. *No. Soul mate would imply that he would love me too. No…I'm a half with no match.*
She shifted positions and let one leg hang over the ledge and barely brush the floor. She hated herself right now. Self-pity was NOT an attractive feature. She had been alone her whole life. She knew how to take care of herself and not get attached to people. Attachment meant weakness. She didn't believe in attachment, or soul mates for that matter. I am NOT a half! I am a whole! Plato claims that we're all circles cut in half…hah! He was wrong. It may *appear* that way, but in reality, we're just folded in half!*
"I don't need him!" she asserted loudly to herself.
"Don't need who, Lois?" Lois spun to face the voice that had crept up behind her.
"Clark! What are you doing here? Have you ever heard of knocking?" She felt a rise of anger that quickly subsided when she looked into those big brown eyes of his.
"I knocked but you didn't answer," he claimed. "The door was unlocked. I was worried."
*God, he's good looking* Lois acknowledged.
Clark sat down beside her on the ledge and brushed away a stray hair that had stuck to her slightly moistened cheek. "What is it, Lois?" His voice was rich and full of concern. "Why were you crying?"
At the mention of her crying Lois flinched and turned away. "Oh, you know. It's just my allergies. They really act up this time of night." She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that he would accept her weak explanation. Her prayer was unsuccessful.
"Lois, give me a break. I know you don't have allergies in the winter." Clark's voice was soothing yet authoritative. She loved hearing his voice.
*Stop it! You do not love him! You do not need him! He is your best friend. Damn it, Lois! Get that into your head!*
"Clark, I think you should go," she stated, not turning to face him. Hot tears had begun to well up in her eyes once again. She couldn't bear to let him see her cry. He would think she was weak.
"Lois," he repeated. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what is wrong. Why are you crying and who don't you need?"
Lois had had enough. Holding back the tears of frustration was too strenuous as she angrily replied, "You! I don't need you!"
Clark was taken back by her searing response.
She continued, "I don't need to be loved by you or held by you! And if I had a week left to live I would die alone just like I am meant to! So there you have it! Are you happy?" She fell back onto the ledge and took a deep, shaky breath.
Clark remained silent for a long moment taking in what she had just said.
*She thinks she's meant to die alone??* This thought rattled him to the core. Almost as much as the fact that she had admitted by denial that she needed to be loved and held by him. At this last thought he swept her up from her seat and held her against his chest. Kissing the top of her forehead, he whispered softly to her, "I *do* need you. And I need to hold you."
He held her away from him just enough to look into her eyes. "Why would you think that you are meant to die alone? Lois, no one deserves to be with someone more that you. And if the earth opened up at my feet and I would not leave you. I will *always* be here for you."
His declaration hit her like a Mac truck and a new wave of tears began to form. Confused, yet hopeful she found her voice. "Will you be here for me as my best friend or my…" She took a deep breath and completed her sentence. "…or as my lover?"
Clark's eyes widened for a moment and he cupped her petite face in his large yet gentle hand. " I will *always* be here for you as your best friend."
Lois's heart dropped into her stomach. She had been expecting that answer but had not expected how much it would hurt.
Surprisingly, her mental interlude was interrupted by Clark's voice continuing his answer.
"I will always be here for you as your best friend. And I would be honored to be here for you as your lover. I love you , Lois. I can't believe you didn't know that!" He pulled her into a passionate embrace, capturing her mouth with his. His pouty lips melted to hers.
After several minutes of sweet, passionate kissing, Lois pulled back and gazed into Clark's eyes with the same love and admiration that she had seen in his eyes so many times before.
"I love you," she firmly declared. "And I do need you. You see, I'm whole on my own. But I can't unfold myself without you with me."
Confused by her last statement, Clark just kissed her once more, knowing that she would explain herself in time. And they had time. Lots of it.