Wherever You Will Go
by Sara Kraft <skfolc@gmail.com>
Rated PG-13 
Submitted November 2004

While this isn't my first fanfic, it is the first lengthy 
endeavor I've attempted. This story was originally posted to the 
archives back in 1996 (or was it 1997?). It all started because I 
was, like many others, severely traumatized <g> by the New 
Krypton cliffhanger. Wasn't this the most popular fanfic-
inspiring episode before that whole TOGOM business? <bg> Anyway, 
in writing another story that transformed itself into a sort of 
sequel for this story, I had always planned on revisiting this 
story for a little touch up before I sent in the new one. What I 
didn't plan on, was catching a few big errors and re-writing 
almost the entire thing.  Actually, it evolved into something I'd 
never imagined possible and I'm surprised at just how much of the 
story wrote itself. The main idea is the same and there are some 
parts that remain from the original. I'd like to think of this 
version as much better since I was only 17 when I wrote the first 
one. But anyway, I'll let you be the judge.

I'd like to thank Maria, Nina, and Mary - some old friends that 
helped me with the first version. A slightly later, but not quite 
finished draft made it into the hands of my writing class. I'd 
like to thank them for pointing out that there wasn't nearly 
enough angst, among other things.
 
I started with just one beta reader, and was lucky enough to end 
up with several more. So, in order of appearance, TJ Gruffs, 
Diane Harris, Saskia, and Paul Gabriel-Weiner... thank you ALL so 
much!!!! Another friend of mine was always there to listen to me 
whine and reassure me that what I was writing was not horrendous, 
thanks Rach!! Of course there's the IRC gang, who had to listen 
to me moan and groan as well. Thank you all for your support (and 
the occasional 2x4 <g>)!

This is the first story I ever posted on the boards, and it was 
quite an adventure. I'd like to thank everyone on the boards for 
their wonderful and quite encouraging feedback. I can tell you 
that without it, this story would have never seen the light of 
day. One person in particular, Erica Dias, was always there to 
keep me on my toes and chase me around IRC with a chainsaw. <g> 
Thanks, Erica!

There's another person I'd like to thank... and I'll try really 
hard not to gush <g>... Wendy Richards, I've always admired you 
and I love your writing -- you're one of my favorite authors. I 
can't say just how bowled over I was when I saw that *you* were 
actually reading *my* story... and liking it too! I was more than 
delighted and I'll be eternally grateful that you stepped in to 
help me find a way through that last part that was giving me so 
much trouble. Thank you so much!

Just one more, I promise! <g> A huge thanks to Tricia W. for 
GEing this for the archive. I couldn't be happier that my GE was 
someone who was reading my story and posting feedback on the 
boards. Thanks, Tricia!!

Any recognizable likeness or words from the series are not mine, 
but simply homage to the great writers of the episodes from which 
they came. I borrowed a scene from a movie and that's where the 
story got its original title. Its new title is inspired by the 
song of the same name by the Calling. Everything else is mine.

"It seems that your soul is intertwined with hers, 
like...soulmates...where ever his was, there was yours, never one 
without the other. Two lovers destined to meet and fall in love 
over and over again throughout time...Your soul, it comes from a 
place beyond planets, beyond time, where we all come from. And 
the power of your love is what brings your souls together, time 
after time. You see, that is the one absolute; wherever she is, 
you are." H.G. Wells, Soulmates


Wherever You Will Go
by Sara Kraft 

Clark was leaving tomorrow. They were both trying not to think 
about Zara, Ching, New Krypton, or anything else. Clark had 
suggested a movie night. Just like old times, and hopefully a 
good distraction. She was looking forward to it actually, that is 
when she didn't let her mind wander. Clark was in the kitchen 
getting snacks and had left her in charge of picking out the 
movie. She'd settled on one that they had both seen before 
several times, knowing that tonight their concentration would not 
be so great. She was just settling down on his sofa when he came 
into the room with a bowl of popcorn and two cream sodas.

"So, what's the verdict?" Clark asked, not being able to guess 
from the previews playing on the screen.

"'Chances Are'." She gave him a smile, relaxing now that he was 
with her. He grinned back. She could see in his eyes that he 
remembered too. The last time they'd watched it, they hadn't 
really 'watched' it. They'd been still in the 'honeymoon' stages 
of their relationship. She'd teased Clark, saying he was like a 
farm boy on a first date behind the Tastee Freeze. He'd put his 
hands up in self-defense, claiming he couldn't help it. It was 
her fault she was so beautiful.

It wasn't so different now; they still had the same fire and 
passion, only stronger. They hadn't made love yet, but some of 
their make out sessions had been pretty heated. Now she was 
blushing. But that was okay, because he was blushing too.

"You mean chances are we'll miss half the movie again?" He winked 
at her as he set the refreshments on the coffee table. 

"And what, may I ask, is so wrong with that?" She cuddled close 
to him when he took a seat next to her.

"Nothing, as long as I don't miss seeing Cybil Shepard half 
naked."

"Hey!" She punched him in the shoulder playfully.

"Ow!" He feigned injury and smiled at her, but his face sobered 
at his next words. "Don't worry, Baby, you're the only one I want 
to see naked." 

"In time, Sweetie, in time." She hoped. She refused to believe 
that he wouldn't come back and they would get married and make 
love for the first time on their wedding night. That's the way it 
had to be. She had to believe he was coming back. She tried not 
to let it show on her face. Honest she did, but Clark knew her 
too well.

A tortured expression crossed his face. He cupped her cheek and 
his voice was pained. "Lois." He kissed her, full of longing and 
anguish. She could feel his torment, it mirrored her own. She 
clung to him; he was her lifeline. Oh God, what was she going to 
do without him? He pulled back slowly and looked into her eyes, 
his brow furrowed.

"Oh, Clark."

"Shh, Honey. I know." He stroked her cheek with his thumb, just 
like he always did. One more thing she had to learn to live 
without. "I know." He laid a small kiss on her forehead.

She shook herself mentally. "No. We're not supposed to think 
about tomorrow." She was determined not to ruin the last night 
they had together by being inconsolable. She touched his face, 
trying to memorize it. "Let's watch the movie, okay?"

He kissed her tenderly on the lips and agreed.

She snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his chest and he 
put his arm around her shoulders. "Ooh, good! Just in time for my 
favorite part."

***

Corrine woke up on a half empty bed and called out as she felt 
the barren spot next to her. "Louie?"

At the sound of his name, Louie jumped out of the bathroom. 
"Happy Anniversary!" He took her into his arms as she walked 
towards him, giving him an enthusiastic kiss.

"You're dressed," she pouted.

"Yeah, but I don't have to be."

"Well, get undressed and get back in bed. I have something for 
you," she said seductively as she slipped back under the bed 
covers.

"Okay!" Louie wasted no time in stripping down to his boxers and 
jumping back into bed. He immediately smothered her with kisses 
and attempted to make love to her but she interrupted him. 

"No, Louie, that's not the way I planned it."

He sat back against the headboard, "So this is a planned thing?"

"Yeah, I wanted to be here in bed when I gave you your 
anniversary present, because this is where it was made."

His eyes lit up with excitement. "We're having a baby?"

"Mmm-huhm," she nodded.

***

Lois's minded wandered from the movie. She hadn't told Clark why 
she liked that scene, but maybe he'd guessed. In a strange turn 
of events, she, Lois Lane, had found her maternal instincts. Ever 
since they'd gotten engaged, her biological clock had started 
ticking. It was almost scary how much she loved him. She'd never 
thought she'd say this about any man, but she wanted to have 
Clark's baby. Not only that, but she wanted to tell him in such a 
perfectly sweet moment - like in the movie. 

"You know, Clark, that's something we haven't talked much about." 
She glanced over at him. 

He gave her a curious look. "What's that?"

"Having children."

The smile that took over his face warmed her heart. God, she 
could just see the love, the future in his eyes. She felt the 
tears again, pricking at the back of her eyes so she took a deep 
breath and rushed on. "I mean we're both agreed we want children, 
right? But with you being Kryptonian and all, we don't even know 
if that's possible. I know we could still adopt if that were the 
case, but even if we *can* have children, who's to say that we'll 
be good parents? Well, of course you'll be the *perfect* dad, but 
me...look at my example, I'll probably be the worst..."

He put a gentle finger to her lips. "Lois, Lois, Honey, slow 
down." He replaced his finger with a kiss then continued. "First 
of all, I *know* you'll be a *great* mom. And second, the rest is 
something we'll have to discover together, when the time comes. 
And maybe..." He hesitated and she knew he was going to bring up 
the subject they weren't supposed to even think about. His next 
words were spoken with such determination. "Maybe *when* I come 
back, I'll have learned some more about myself. Where I come 
from. Maybe I can convince Zara and Ching to help me figure out 
just how biologically compatible you and I are."

She smiled warmly at him. "Well," she moved closer to his face. 
"I wouldn't mind finding out on our own just how compatible we 
are." Adamant now to lighten the mood and take their minds off 
tomorrow, she started nibbling at his ear and kissed her way to 
his mouth.

"Yeah," he groaned, "neither would I." He covered her mouth with 
his.

She leaned against him, taking the kiss deeper, his leaving all 
but forgotten. She tugged at his lower lip with her teeth before 
probing her tongue back into the warm recess of his mouth. 
Finding his tongue, she suckled at it as her hands found the back 
of his neck. It seemed an eternity before she pulled gently away 
from his mouth. She needed air. She heard him groan in protest, 
but it soon turned to a moan when she started exploring his neck.

He was breathing heavily above her when he cupped her face and 
brought it back to his mouth. His hands were wandering now, 
caressing her through the thick material of her sweatshirt, and 
it felt wonderful. She gasped when she felt his hands move under 
her shirt. She moaned into his mouth and pulled him to her as she 
shifted to fall backward, encouraging him to lie atop her on the 
couch. She reveled in the feeling of his weight on top of her and 
reached to untuck his shirt. He paused to pull it over his head 
and tossed it behind him before capturing her lips again. She 
pulled him closer and she felt him smile against her lips. 

"This is so sexy. You're so sexy, Lois."

She tried to pull him closer still, trying to convey her emotions 
as she kissed him. Clark groaned and his hand...

"Stop! Before you buy a new car..."

They both stopped abruptly, startled, and looked at the TV. She 
worked on catching her breath and felt the remote digging into 
her back. She pulled the offending gadget out to show Clark and 
he gave her a breathless smile. She let out a ragged breath and 
thumbed the power button, silencing the interruption and threw 
the remote somewhere in the room. She felt Clark's hand slipping 
outside the sweatshirt and smoothing it back into place. It was 
probably for the best, right? Though telling her body that would 
be a whole different challenge.

***

He sighed heavily, placing his arms on either side of her. He 
pushed up a little so that not all his weight was on her, though 
he kept their hips in contact. He could hear her heart was still 
racing from their interrupted passion. She was looking into his 
eyes and hers were dark with desire, but they had wanted to wait, 
right?

"Lois?" His voice was husky. He was having a hard time 
remembering why they'd wanted to wait and he couldn't bring 
himself to move just yet.

"Yeah?" She blushed under his heated stare.

He'd never seen anything more beautiful than the woman below him, 
flushed and just as breathless as he was. God give him the 
strength to stop.

But he didn't want to move or speak, afraid that if he moved, he 
would ruin this moment.

"Clark?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to wait anymore. What if..."

Clark didn't let her finish. He pressed himself to her fully 
again and captured her mouth with his own. She found his hand and 
guided it back under her shirt.

The heat between them was electric. He could hardly believe the 
sensations she was causing inside him. Clark pulled back to look 
at her for a moment. "I've never seen anything more beautiful in 
my life."

She gave him a warm smile in return. "Why don't we continue this 
in the bedroom?"

He whole-heartedly agreed.

***

Lois woke up slowly and smiled, remembering the night before. His 
warm body behind her and his large arms enveloping her, assured 
her that it hadn't been a dream. His deep breathing told her that 
he was still asleep.

"Clark?"

He moaned and nuzzled his face in the nape of her neck. 

"Clark, Honey?"

"Yes, Beautiful?"

"Thank you."

He could feel her smile. "For what?"

"For loving me."

She snuggled closer to him. "You're welcome."

He shifted behind her and started to get up, but she stopped him.

"Don't leave me yet."

He stayed. Her voice was almost panicked and it broke his heart. 
"Shh...Honey, it'll be okay." He held her close and stroked her 
hair. He laid a kiss on the back of her head. "We'll be okay."

All he could do was hold her. She fell asleep in a short time and 
for that he was thankful. He didn't want her to see him cry. The 
tears rolled silently down his cheeks as he tried to reassure 
himself with the soft rhythmic music of her heartbeat. Of all his 
abilities, he cherished that one the most. It enabled him to hear 
her heart beating. He could tell when she was sleeping, scared, 
excited, aroused. It was soothing, comforting. It's how he knew 
he was home.

Sometimes he cursed his heritage. It wasn't often, usually it had 
been when he was younger and feeling like he would never fit in. 
Now that he had finally found his place, somewhere he belonged, 
he'd thought it would never cross his mind again. But here he 
was, his arms around his fianc‚, his soulmate, his world, and he 
was torn. He didn't want to leave, not really, but part of his 
heart compelled him to his birthright. To do the right thing. And 
for this he cursed it.

Before Lois, he wouldn't have given a second thought to leaving 
with his people. He'd always longed for that connection, that 
feeling that he belonged somewhere. It was jarring now to know 
that there were others out there like him, that he wasn't the 
last of his kind. In a strange way, that sense of isolation 
wasn't there anymore. He was eager to know where he came from. 
Though New Krypton wasn't where he had been born, it was 
somewhere that he could learn of his heritage, how the 
Kryptonians lived, and what their customs were. He'd always 
wondered, and now he had the chance to discover it.

It bothered him that this opportunity had come only as the result 
of a civil war. He resented the fact that they didn't feel they 
could resolve the conflict on their own, that the only reason 
they had sought him out was to fight a war. A war he wasn't sure 
he understood. And he wasn't even certain that it was his war to 
fight. Sure, he shared blood and genetic material with these 
people, but from what little contact he'd had with Zara and 
Ching, he knew that they did not share the same ethics or values. 
How was he to fight with them, lead them? He had a hard time 
seeing himself as a part of any war, let alone leading one. He 
wasn't a killer. And he had a sickening feeling that he was going 
to have to compromise those morals by which he stood.

Would he be able to do it? Would he be able to ignore the part of 
himself that knew inherently that killing was wrong? Would he be 
able to tell himself that the lives of "his" people were worth 
the deaths of the evil ones who opposed them? And if he could, 
how would he live with himself afterwards? It was different than 
choosing who to rescue in an earthquake or a flood. He tried to 
save them all, but when he chose to take an injured victim to the 
hospital and his neighbor died because he hadn't been there, it 
was still hard to accept. Lois had always helped him deal with 
the guilt. But she wouldn't be there on New Krypton with him. She 
wouldn't be able to hold him after he took his first life. That 
would be the hardest part he knew, living everyday for God knew 
how long, without Lois. She was his world. He had fallen so 
completely in love with her, he wasn't sure now how to live 
without her. 

He thought back to the moment they'd met, the moment he'd fallen 
in love with her, and it made him smile. It was the first time in 
his life he'd felt complete, like there was somewhere he 
belonged. It had taken years to show her that she deserved love; 
that they were meant to be together. And now they *were* 
together, in every sense and he was torn. He was being forced to 
choose between the love he'd thought he'd never have and the past 
he'd been sure he'd never find.

***

Clark awoke a few hours later. Lois had shifted in his arms so 
she was facing him. He gazed down at her. She was so peaceful in 
her sleep, not able to feel the pain of his leaving. Leaving was 
the right thing to do. At least he knew that intellectually, but 
emotionally and otherwise, this was going to be the single most 
difficult thing he'd ever had to do.

They'd decided days ago that Superman should say his farewell and 
make his exit from the Daily Planet. He and Lois would have their 
own private good-byes before heading there. It would be easier 
that way. They'd both agreed that he had to go, and without the 
barrier of the Superman fa‡ade and hundreds of people, he didn't 
think he'd be able to leave her. 

He worried about Lois. Normally, he would have flown his parents 
here to be with her and comfort her at a time like this. But they 
couldn't be here. When Clark had made his final decision a few 
days ago, Lois and he had agreed that it would be best to make an 
excuse for Clark before Superman had to leave. So his father had 
"taken ill" and sent for Clark to help out on the farm. Neither 
of them could be sure when or if he would return, but this would 
explain Clark's disappearance for at least a few months. With any 
luck, he would be back sooner than that and Lois could "join" him 
in Smallville and they could be alone for a while. He glanced at 
the clock on his nightstand. 6:45. The press conference was 
scheduled for 9 a.m. That left two hours. Only two hours left 
with Lois until he left indefinitely. 

He took one last look at her sleeping form and leaned down to 
kiss her. He smiled against her lips. Her heartbeat told him that 
she'd sensed him before she even woke. But she didn't stay asleep 
long. He pulled back reluctantly.

Her eyes flew open in a panic. "It's not time yet is it?"

His heart broke inside, though he tried not to let it show on his 
face. "No, Sweetie, we still have a few hours." God, this was 
going to be hard.

***

She relaxed, but only a little. She wanted to beg him to stay. 
She didn't want him to go. But she couldn't say it. He might just 
stay. And while it tore at her heart to think of him leaving, he 
needed to go. He needed to find out about his past, where he'd 
come from. If he didn't, he'd never truly know himself and she 
couldn't have that. If he stayed, she would never have all of 
him. There would always be that little part of him that wondered 
'what if?' All she could do was hope and pray that he came back 
to her. That was the only thing she could do. Thinking anything 
else would destroy her. Their love had conquered so much already. 
This wouldn't be any different. That's the way it *had* to be.

She gave him a weak smile. She knew it was unconvincing, but she 
had to try. She had to be strong. They had to be strong. His hand 
caressed her face. She covered his hand with her own and kissed 
his palm.

He was wearing the same smile she'd just tried on him. "Want some 
breakfast? I could make some eggs and pancakes. Or waffles? You 
want waffles instead? Or I could fly in some croissants from 
France. Whatever you want. And some coffee, orange juice. The 
works."

This time her smile was genuine.

"What?"

"Babbling is *my* job, Clark."

He let out an airy chuckle. "Look at us. We're a wreck."

"Yeah," she smiled, "but can you blame us?"

"I guess not. So, seriously, do you want some breakfast?"

"Sure. I'm pretty hungry actually. I guess we burned a lot of 
calories last night.

That earned her his mega-watt smile. "We sure did."

He moved to get up. "Let's take a shower, then I'll make us a 
five star meal."

She smirked at him. "You are insatiable, you know that?"

"Yeah, but can you blame me?"

***

The pleasant atmosphere at breakfast was a fa‡ade. They both knew 
it. Clark was trying to take her mind off the hours to come, and 
poor Lois; he could tell how brave she was trying to be. Life 
wasn't fair. They had been through so much to get to this point 
and now fate was throwing up another roadblock to their 
happiness. Would they be able to move this one? Would he make it 
back to her?

That scared him more than anything. Not the actual fact that he 
could die, but that he would leave Lois alone to grieve for him. 
He'd done it once before when Clyde Barrow had shot him down and 
he'd seen how badly she'd taken it. And now that they were 
together, he feared it would be much worse. He didn't want to put 
her through that kind of pain. An everlasting pain. She'd never 
know whether or not he'd died. He made a silent vow that he would 
do *anything* to make it back to her. Then they could start their 
life together.

"So..." he started lamely. He couldn't think of anything to say.

"So..."

"What did you want to do?"

Her voice was quiet. "Just hold me, Clark."

"Come here." He held out his arms for her and gathered her into 
his lap when she came. He wrapped his arms around her and just 
held her. Without changing position, he floated them to the 
living room and landed on the couch. She clung to him like a 
child after a nightmare, only hers was just beginning. Her head 
was resting against his chest and he held her there, stroking her 
silky hair. "I love you so much, Lois."

"I love you too, Clark," she said against his shirt. "I love you 
too."

***

She didn't know how long she sat in his arms, her head to his 
chest, memorizing the sound of his heartbeat and the feel of his 
arms around her. She kept thinking maybe if she didn't move, 
didn't breathe too deeply, they could stay in this moment 
forever. Just him and her. No one else. And maybe they could 
disappear. Away from the Planet, away from the Earth, away from 
New Krypton. But that wouldn't happen and Clark confirmed it.

"Sweetie? It's time."

She stayed still, and whispered, "Okay."

Slowly, she moved to get up. At the same time his chest 
disappeared and in its place was her pillow.


She'd had the dream again.

Their last few hours repeated in a bittersweet mirage while she 
slept. At least she could be thankful she didn't have to relive 
the farewell again. That had been far too painful. She'd had to 
deal with that all on her own, pretending all the while that it 
was only Superman leaving, not her other half. His last words 
still echoed in her mind. It wasn't the first time she'd heard 
Superman get emotional, but it had been the first time for the 
whole of Metropolis and the world.

"Although I have always loved life here on Earth, and have called 
it my home, I have another home as well... one that needs me now. 
But wherever I am, I'll carry the best of Earth with me. And 
while I'm gone, I ask each one of you to look to yourselves for 
the strength, decency, and compassion that I know each one of you 
has inside. Emerson said self-trust is the essence of heroism. 
Inside each of you is a hero. And so I leave, knowing that a 
world full of heroes has nothing to fear."

But for Lois, there was something to fear. That Clark wouldn't 
make it back. 

It'd been three months. Three months of pretending that she was 
fine, only just a little emotional because her friend Superman 
had left and her fianc‚ was away. Three months of pretending 
Clark was on the other end of the line when she got a call at 
work from Smallville. And three months of the anxious feeling in 
the pit of her stomach that she might be pregnant.

She wasn't sure how she felt about that. It was exactly what 
she'd been wanting for some time. Only not like this. Clark was 
supposed to be here with her, sharing in this nervous 
anticipation of a positive test result. She had one in her 
bathroom, but she hadn't taken it yet. It was denial that was 
stopping her. If she didn't take the test, she wouldn't be 
pregnant and Clark wouldn't miss out on the one thing she knew he 
wanted more than anything. Roots. Something that said, plain and 
simple, loud and clear, that he belonged on this planet. How 
could she deny him that perfect moment?

But she couldn't wait any longer. She'd already scheduled a 
doctor's appointment. That was a week ago and the appointment was 
today. She'd go into work first, then tell Perry that she wasn't 
feeling well. She didn't know if she'd be able to go back to work 
afterwards.

It was earlier than she normally woke up, so she got ready slower 
than usual. Standing in just her underwear, she stared at herself 
in the mirror. She ran a hand slowly over her stomach and pouched 
out her belly. Pregnant. She could get used to that. It wouldn't 
be so bad.

After dressing, she actually took some time to make herself 
breakfast. Well, okay some toast and orange juice. If Clark had 
been here, he'd have made her a real breakfast. Just in case. 
He'd be seriously overprotective of her if he knew there was even 
a chance that she might be pregnant. She'd pretend to hate it, 
but secretly love it. She sniffed, trying not to cry. Her hand 
slipped down to feel her belly again; it was fast becoming a 
habit. 

She drove slowly to work and made her way up to the newsroom, 
biding her time until she'd leave again. It was quiet in the 
early hour, as she'd come to expect over the last few months. She 
spied Perry in his office. She smiled. Well, at least some things 
never changed. She ran through the motions as she did every 
morning since Clark had left: booted up her computer, checked her 
voice mail, and got herself a cup of coffee - decaf now that she 
had someone else's health to worry about. Before she could sit 
down to check her email though, she heard Perry call her name 
from across the room. She looked over and saw him leaning in the 
doorway to his office, his face lined with concern. She sighed 
and made her way towards him, now wishing that her co-workers 
were here after all. Well, maybe she'd leave earlier than she'd 
thought.

***

After she was securely inside, he shut the door. He knew Lois 
better than a lot of folks did. He knew she was working herself 
ragged, trying to stay busy so that she wouldn't have to face her 
personal life. Normally, he didn't mind this, because it had 
produced some award winning stories when she'd done it in the 
past. But this time, there didn't seem to be too many stories. 
The city had taken to heart Superman's parting words; crime was 
actually at an all-time low. That, and her heart just wasn't in 
it. He knew exactly where it was. Not in Smallville like everyone 
thought, but with a man on a space rock, millions of miles away. 
It just wasn't fair. It didn't seem that life would ever give 
those two a break.

"Perry?"

Pulled out of his thoughts, he noticed that Lois had already 
taken a seat in one of the chairs opposite his desk. He took the 
one next to it. "Lois, Darlin', you know you can talk to me. 
You're not only my best reporter, you're like a daughter to me 
and it hurts me to see you so restless and alone. Honey, have you 
thought of taking some time off, joining Clark in Smallville? 
Relax a little." He knew Clark wasn't there, but maybe spending 
some time with his parents would help. She wouldn't have to keep 
up the fa‡ade there.

"No thanks, Perry. I'm fine. I've just been a little under the 
weather lately. Though, maybe since I'm not feeling so well, I'll 
go home and rest. I really should have just called in, but...I 
don't know. It feels weird not coming into work." 

"Sure, Darlin', I understand. Why don't you go ahead and take 
tomorrow off too? Just rest up and then you can come back firing 
on all cylinders Wednesday."

"All right."

She stood and smoothed out her skirt. He rose to see her out. She 
gave him a thank you and a weak smile as she exited his office.

Perry sank heavily into the chair behind his desk. God help that 
girl, stubborn as the day is long. But maybe these two days would 
help. He watched her through the window, glumly packing up her 
desk, and he hoped beyond hope that Clark would find his way 
back.

***

Clark Kent sat on his couch in the dark. He was depressed. Beyond 
depressed. Ever since that woman...since Lois...had visited from 
a parallel universe and turned his world upside down. That had 
been months ago. He'd been getting along just fine before her. 
Well, sort of. He'd been happy with Lana for the most part. But 
he guessed, looking back, he hadn't been *that* happy. Lana had 
been tolerant of his powers, but only that. Sometimes he'd even 
suspected that she was repulsed by his alienness, but Lana was 
all he'd had.

After his parents had died, she'd been his only friend. Well, the 
only friend he'd felt safe with. The only one he'd felt 
comfortable confiding in. He hadn't told her right away about 
himself. It wasn't until they were both 14 that he'd confessed 
his secret, told her just how different he was from everyone 
else.

He winced as he remembered her reaction. She'd been scared and 
maybe even a little disgusted by him. She'd quickly masked her 
emotions and had ended up being a really good friend and 
eventually his fianc‚. But still, that moment had never gone away 
for Clark. Sure, he'd pushed it to the recesses of his memory - 
he'd had to - but he still hadn't forgotten. He'd stayed with her 
out of comfort for the familiar, because he'd honestly thought 
that there wouldn't be anyone else, and because she was 'safe.' 
If he didn't get close to anyone, he couldn't get hurt again. 
Lana was better than no one and certainly better than someone 
else. Someone who had the potential to break his heart.

Someone like Lois.

It still baffled him how connected he'd felt with her after only 
just meeting her. He'd had this powerful feeling of comfort, of 
belonging when she was near. And ever since she'd left, he'd felt 
an immense sense of loss. He berated himself for it. She was 
never his in the first place. She belonged to another universe 
and her heart belonged to another man. One who happened to be 
just like him in so many ways.

He'd had a lot of time to think since she'd left. Too much in 
fact. He'd thought that maybe his feelings for her were really 
meant for *his* Lois. At first, it was just to make himself feel 
better, but it had ended up making perfect sense. At least in the 
fairy tale sense. That fantasy you always had as child that there 
was someone out there for everyone. One perfect match, the other 
half of a whole. A soulmate. The illusion you always had that 
you'd find that perfect someone and live happily ever after. 

But then you had to grow up. A pipe dream was all it was. For a 
time, he'd thought maybe, if the Lois and Clark from the other 
universe were made for each other, maybe the Lois Lane of his 
universe was *his* soulmate. He'd clung to that dream. He'd held 
fast to the hope that maybe she really wasn't dead. Her body had 
never been found; she'd vanished in the Congo on a story. Maybe 
she was just lost, hurt, somewhere trying to find her way home. 
He'd looked for her. He'd searched all of Africa. He'd tracked 
down a hundred Jane Doe's matching her description and found a 
hundred threads of hope yanked from his heart, leaving him still 
alone. But he'd come to realize this was his destiny. Being 
alone. First his parents, then Lana, then Lois. Both of them. 
He'd created his own hell and now he was grieving for a woman, 
for a love, for a life he'd never known.

Sometimes he cursed his heritage, his powers. If not for them, he 
might have ended it. He'd have taken too many pills, jumped off a 
cliff, or something. As it was, he'd even tried flying into space 
with the intent of suffocating himself, but his innate need for 
air, that unfortunate habit of breathing had forced him back to 
Earth. 

He took a deep breath and let it out. He needed to get away. He 
thought maybe he should move again, like he'd always done in the 
past when things had gotten too hard. But now that everyone knew 
who and what he was, it was pointless. He envied that other 
Clark. He had everything. Anonymity. His parents. And his Lois. 
What he wouldn't give to be in his place.

His doorbell rang and he just sat there. He didn't care. Most 
people had stopped bothering him, but there was still the 
occasional fan or reporter wanting an autograph or a story. The 
person abandoned the doorbell and started knocking. He wished 
they would just go away and leave him to his misery. Maybe if he 
ignored it they would assume he was gone and just go away.

His hearing kicked in. "Mr. Kent. I know you can hear me. It's 
H.G. Wells. Please open the door, I need desperately to speak 
with you."

It was *him*. The dead writer. Maybe he'd found Lois! That was 
what got him to the door to answer. He let the diminutive man 
with the bowler hat inside. "Can I help you?"

"Mr. Kent, yes. Well, actually, it is not I that needs your help, 
but rather Lois Lane."

"Lois?" he choked.

***

Lois had gone straight home after her doctor's appointment. 
Somehow, she'd found the strength to make some tea and settled on 
the couch. She moved a hand to cover her abdomen. It was 
official, she was pregnant. Her doctor had been a little 
surprised at Lois's reaction, but Lois had simply told her that 
her fianc‚ was out of town and she was a little more emotional 
lately. The woman had nodded sympathetically, but she didn't know 
Lois's real torment. Not only was her fianc‚ away, but it didn't 
look like he was coming back. The tears rolled silently down her 
face. Oh, Clark, come home! Please come home. She couldn't do 
this alone. They'd wanted children, but not like this. Clark was 
supposed to be here. It wasn't fair. Ever since the thought of 
being pregnant had entered her head, ever since they'd been 
engaged, she'd secretly anticipated this moment. She'd find out 
she was pregnant and find some clever way to tell Clark, that 
wonderful face of his would light up and he would pick her up and 
swing her around, finally stopping to let her slide down his body 
and they would kiss. Then they would make love, sweet and slow, 
commemorating the moment.

But Clark wasn't here and it killed her to think that there was a 
chance he wouldn't return. Her only comfort now, was that she 
would forever have a part of him with her. She took a pillow and 
hugged it closely to her, curling up on the couch and she cried 
herself to sleep. 

***

"Yes, the Lois Lane you met from the alternate universe."

Clark's heart fell again. "Oh...yeah." He was stupid to have even 
thought otherwise. "What's wrong?"

"Well you see, that universe's Superman needed to leave 
indefinitely."

He cocked his head in confusion.

"It's a very long and quite complicated story, I'm afraid. But 
the problem is, Superman left and Clark Kent's identity is in 
jeopardy."

"But what could that matter? Look at me. Everyone knows about me 
and I'm fine." He didn't believe the last word, but logically, it 
was true.

"Yes, but you see, this Clark Kent has safeguarded his secret 
identity for years, earning the public's trust as a superhero and 
a respected journalist. Separately. I've visited their future and 
it seems that the public did not take well to the revelation of 
dishonesty. They felt it an unforgivable betrayal and their trust 
in Superman crumbled. And thus Utopia as well.

"And you want me to take his place?"

The bespectacled man nodded.

"For how long?"

"Unfortunately, I cannot say just how long."

"And this will fix things for her? For them?"

"Yes, my boy. I believe it will do the trick. So...will you 
help?"

He sighed, almost resigned to the fact that he would. Hadn't he 
just been wishing for a way out of here? An escape from himself? 
He wouldn't have to be Superman for a while. He'd be able to just 
be Clark Kent again, like before, when nobody knew what a freak 
he was. And he'd be able to see her again. Though that was a 
double-edged sword. It would be a salve for his heart, seeing her 
again, but at the same time it would be a fa‡ade. Just a ruse to 
uphold the faith and the trust of a Superman he wasn't sure he 
could ever truly be.

But what would be lost? He couldn't be any worse off than he was 
now. Right?

He looked back at the man that had interrupted his misery. "All 
right."

"Good, good. Well, you'll make a statement later today to your 
people and we'll be off."

"Mr. Wells?"

"Yes, Clark?"

"What about...can you tell me about my future? Is there a Utopia 
here? Is it worth it?"

The man sighed. "My boy, you are a remarkable man. What you do 
here in your Metropolis *does* make a difference. You've begun a 
different but just as sound foundation for Utopia. Here, you are 
a man the people can look up to. You give them all hope for a 
better future."

"And *my* future? How can I go on knowing that something so 
precious has been taken away from me before I ever had it? Is 
she...is Lois alive? Please. I have to know."

"I'm sorry. I cannot tell you what is in store for you. It would 
change everything. Sometimes we just have to rely on fate to take 
its course and trust that it will lead us down the right path."

Ironic coming from the man who dated to change fate himself, but 
Clark just nodded. He knew it was the truth, but right now, he'd 
lost that trust. Maybe Lois could help him get it back.

***

She awoke, disoriented with a cramp in her neck, still clutching 
the pillow. She looked around her, getting her bearings and it 
all came back to her in a rush.

She was pregnant and Clark still was gone. She wasn't going to 
cry. She wasn't. She was strong. And maybe one of these days 
she'd be able to hold back the tears when she woke up alone. She 
had to be strong. And now, she had to be strong for their baby 
too.

She rubbed her neck as she glanced at the clock on the VCR, 3:40 
a.m., and swiped at the tears on her face. Out of nowhere, there 
was a knock at her door. She groaned. It was four in the morning 
for Christ's sake. Who on Earth could it be? The last thing she 
wanted right now was company. Let alone the emergency that must 
be waiting on the other side due to the hour.

She was going to ignore it, but the person was insistent so she 
got up stiffly and headed for the door. When she saw Clark 
through the peephole, she couldn't get the door open fast enough. 
She stared at him for a second before launching herself into his 
arms. "Oh, Clark!"

***

He was assailed by the woman in his arms and before he could 
think to stop it, she was kissing him. And he couldn't help but 
kiss her back. 

She sobbed words out between kisses. "I 
thought...I'd...never...see you...again."

He knew he should stop her, but there was some force inside of 
him that wouldn't let him. The feeling inside him when their lips 
met, when their tongues met, it was almost like magic. She 
finally tore away and she looked at him, her arms still around 
his neck. He was having trouble concentrating on what he was 
supposed to tell her.

"Clark," she started smiling. "I think I figured out that little 
compatibility issue we were wondering about."

He was lost and she was waiting anxiously for him to make some 
kind of connection. "What issue?"

Her grin lost some wattage. "Don't you remember? The night you 
left...? I'm pregnant."

Her eyes sparkled and he could feel her heart soaring. Oh, how he 
wished he could pretend that this was his Lois. His baby. But 
that wouldn't happen and he had to tell her now.

He smiled wistfully and gently extracted her from his arms. 
"That's wonderful, Lois. I'm so happy for you." He could see the 
hurt and confusion in her eyes. Her eyes were still sparkling, 
only now it was with unshed tears. "Look, Lois, I'm not who you 
think I am."

"Clark?"

"Yes," he said quietly. "But not your Clark."

***

Her heart was in her throat when she tried to swallow. She bit 
her bottom lip. Hard. To make sure this wasn't some cruel 
nightmare. But it *was* a nightmare, only she wasn't sleeping.

She opened her mouth to speak but somehow her voice failed her. 
She vaguely heard him try to explain before she crumpled to the 
floor, hugging herself tightly. She felt the sobs wracking her 
body and she could barely breathe.

She felt his strong arms wrap around her. Clark's arms. And he 
picked her up and carried her inside.

She just held him for a while, taking small comfort that he felt 
so much like her Clark. He sat them on the couch and continued to 
hold her. Life was cruel. Truly cruel. Here she was in Clark's 
arms, just like she'd been wishing for months. Only it wasn't 
really Clark. What if Clark was never coming home? Was that why 
this Clark was here?

She gently pushed herself away from him, curling up in the corner 
of the couch, her sobs subsiding. She was slightly embarrassed. 
She sniffled and tried her best to wipe the tears from her face.

"Why...why are you here?"

He looked flustered. "Um...H.G. Wells sent me. Actually, he just 
kinda unloaded me here."

H.G. Wells. The time traveler obsessed with Utopia. She knew that 
meant something but her brain was murky and wouldn't function. 
She just stared at him and waited for him to finish.

"All he told me was that your Clark had to leave as Superman. He 
said Clark's identity and ultimately Utopia was in jeopardy. I'm 
so sorry, Lois, he didn't tell me you didn't know. I would have 
called or...or something. I didn't mean...I never wanted to hurt 
you like this."

She sniffled again and shrugged off his apology. She didn't want 
to think about the hurt right now, so she focused on why this 
Clark was here, not why hers had left. "Why is Utopia in danger?"

"He said he visited the future and there was no Utopia. Lois?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't think to ask at the time and I know of Thomas More's 
Utopia, but...this is going to sound stupid...what does H.G. 
Wells mean by Utopia? And why does he seem so obsessed with it?"

She smiled weakly. "I'm not sure why exactly he's so hung up on 
the idea of Utopia, but back when we first met him, he explained 
what it was and how he had been enchanted by the entire society. 
He said that Utopia was founded by Superman's descendants, that 
they based their society on the values and principles that 
Superman lived by." She placed a hand on her stomach and looked 
down. "I guess he or she is the beginning of this future 
society."

He smiled at her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Well, now 
what Wells said makes a little more sense. He said that the 
public's trust in Superman died when they'd discovered his dual 
identity, his deception, and he was never quite able to regain 
it. And thus the foundation for Utopia crumbled."

"I guess I can understand that. Who would uphold or adhere to 
values and principles that were lined with deceit? Not that Clark 
had cruel intentions, but...well I just remember how hurt and 
angry I was when I'd figured it out."

"But you were able to forgive him."

She nodded. Yeah, she had forgiven him, but that's because she 
loved him, couldn't live without him. That and she'd understood 
why he'd done it. Not everyone could understand. Not everyone 
could forgive. It all made sense. Sort of. "So, H.G. Wells 
brought you here to be Clark?"

He nodded.

"For how long?"

"He wouldn't tell me. Weeks? Months?"

"Did he say if Clark was coming back?"

"Sorry, he didn't. And I don't think he would have if I'd asked."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. The one that hadn't seemed 
to go away ever since Clark had left.

Lois looked over at him. He was looking at her with such 
sympathy, pity almost. "I'm sorry, Lois, I didn't think about how 
hard this would be on you. I mean, Wells didn't even tell me why 
Clark had to leave."

"I guess the same didn't happen in your universe. Or maybe just 
not yet."

He shook his head.

"These people came - Zara and Ching. They're Kryptonians like 
Clark. And you. They came for him."

"You mean I'm not the last? But I thought..."

"I know. So did Clark. Presumably, after he...you...were sent to 
Earth, a small colony of young Kryptonians were sent to colonize 
a dead planet in order to survive. They came for Clark because 
he's...royalty. The Lord of Krypton, apparently.

"What? I'm a...Lord?"

"Yeah." She smiled faintly at his incredulity. "*The* Lord. Lord 
Kal-El of the House of El and rightful ruler of Krypton...well I 
guess now it would be New Krypton. And...well, it being the 
hierarchal society it is, Clark and Zara are betrothed."

"Excuse me?"

"Zara is a Lady and she and Clark were married at birth to secure 
the royal bloodline. Or something like that."

"So that's why he left?!"

She looked down at her hands then back up at him. "No. There's 
some evil Lord Nor who wants to take over New Krypton. Clark went 
to fight. To lead his people. They said it was the only way. Oh, 
Clark! I'm so worried. They said he wouldn't have his powers up 
there. He could get hurt. He could..."

***

Die. This other Clark could die. He didn't know how he wouldn't 
have his powers, but now was definitely not the time to ask. It 
was a lot to take in, especially knowing that this could be his 
fate as well. And Lois. He looked at her. What could he say to 
console her? "Lois..." he was surprised to hear the pain in his 
voice. She was hurting and he could feel it. And at that moment, 
it struck him just how much she and Clark had both put on the 
line. Their lives, their future hung in the balance and he was 
here to.... To what? Now he wasn't sure at all what his role was.

He looked up at her when she spoke. "I think I'm gonna go to 
bed."

He watched her stand and try to compose herself. "You're sure you 
don't need to talk?"

She shook her head and gave him a weak smile. "Thank you. But I 
think I just want to be alone right now. Let me get you a blanket 
and some pillows."

He nodded and simply watched her as she got him a pillow and an 
afghan from her hall closet.

"Goodnight, Clark."

"Goodnight."

Clark watched her retreat to her bedroom and heard the faint 
click of the door as it closed behind her. He settled down on the 
couch. It wasn't too terribly comfortable. Well, at least the 
pillow was. It smelled of her. A sweet scent that he'd already, 
unfortunately, become fond of. And that's when he heard it. The 
muffled whimpering. He tried not to, but he could hear her crying 
in the other room. It broke his heart to listen to her suffer. 
That connection was there again, but stronger this time. Maybe 
from the emotion of the situation, but it was different too. He 
didn't just feel connected to her somehow; he could feel her 
emotions as they coursed through her. He hadn't expected it, but 
he could feel the dull ache in her chest, the lump in her throat, 
and the sobs wracking her body.

He finally relaxed when her sobs died out and he could hear the 
slow rhythm of her breathing. And he was left alone again with 
his thoughts. What she'd said to him kept repeating in his head. 
He wasn't the last of his kind. There were others. He wasn't 
alone. And apparently he was royalty? And married? It was almost 
too much to handle.

On some level, he could understand why Clark had gone with the 
New Kryptonians. He remembered finding the globe a few years 
back. It had almost called to him when he'd gotten near. The 
small orb had seemed attuned to him somehow, glowing and coming 
to life when he'd picked it up. He'd cried when his birth parents 
had appeared in front of him to tell him why he was on Earth. His 
birth father had told him so precious little about his heritage 
and he'd always longed for more.

Now, he had one more thing to envy the other Clark for. It wasn't 
fair. He had it all. *And* Lois. It must have torn him apart to 
leave her. Clark wasn't sure if he'd have done the same. He 
didn't know if he was a strong enough person for war. For any of 
it. Arranged marriage. Hierarchy. His father hadn't mentioned 
that he was royalty. He'd probably thought it not relevant, not 
knowing that he might be summoned one day.

He wondered about this New Krypton. What was it like? Would it be 
better than his Metropolis? And Zara? What was she like? 
Certainly not like Lois. If his universe's New Kryptonians came, 
could he find a home with them? Would he feel like he belonged? 
Would he have that same feeling of serenity with Zara that he 
felt when Lois was around?

He checked on her again with his hearing. Her heartbeat was slow 
and steady. Soothing. How was he going to do this? Put up this 
fa‡ade for everyone to believe that they were a happy couple in 
love? And one expecting a baby at that. He was confident he could 
play the part, but what would it do to his heart?

***

Lois awoke the next morning, disoriented. She'd dreamt that Clark 
had come back and she was once again hit with an overwhelming 
sense of loss. Clark *had* come back. But not her Clark. The 
other Clark. And he was in her living room, waiting to remind her 
of what she couldn't have. It was a cruel but inescapable 
torture, having Clark here, but not really. If she tried hard 
enough, she could still smell Clark on her pillowcase, though she 
knew it had been washed since he'd last slept on it. She didn't 
want to get up. It she just stayed in bed, she wouldn't have to 
face the complicated mess her life had become. 

H.G. Wells. Utopia. Parallel universes. An exact double of her 
fianc‚. Lois shook her head. No one else had to deal with such 
impossibilities. In fact, no one else would even believe they 
existed.

She sighed and resigned herself to getting out of bed. She 
changed into some sweats and headed out to the living room. He 
was there. Of course he was there. Where else would he have been? 
He was watching TV, the volume turned down so low that she could 
hardly hear it. He turned to look at her, probably having sensed 
her come into the room.

"Good morning." He gave her a timid smile.

"Morning. Did you...uh...sleep okay?"

"Yes, thank you. Want some breakfast? I could go get us something 
to eat? Eggs, pancakes, waffles? Whatever you want."

She stood and stared at him. Just like Clark had asked the 
morning he left...except. "Sure, though I have some things here 
if you want to cook."

He gave her an embarrassed look. "Um...I don't cook so well."

"Oh, sorry. I just assumed...sorry. Well, if you don't mind, I'd 
love something to eat."

"Sure, what would you like? Croissants from France?"

There he goes. Just like Clark again. And that lump in her throat 
was back too. She needed to get rid of that if she was ever going 
to survive the next few...Weeks? Months? She swallowed it again. 
"That'd be great...um...just remember you can't be Superman."

He paused for a moment, then nodded. "Be right back."

She watched the blur disappear and heard her front door open and 
close a second later.

Suddenly, she felt nauseated and she ran for the bathroom, 
shutting the door behind her. She just made it to the toilet 
before her stomach heaved. 

Everything had come up by the time she heard that familiar 
'whoosh.' She hit the handle as she sank to the floor, feeling 
the coolness of the tile through her sweats. A soft knock came at 
the door.

"Lois? You okay in there? I heard...well...is there anything I 
can do?"

She didn't bother raising her voice to shout through the door. 
She felt weak and she knew he'd hear her. "I'll be fine, Clark. 
Thanks." She grabbed some toilet paper off the roll and dried her 
eyes then blew her runny nose. God, she hated throwing up. "I'll 
be out in a minute."

Lois got up slowly, tossing the paper in the trash. She turned on 
the faucet, washing her mouth out and splashing some of the cold 
water on her face. She straightened and a red, drawn face met her 
gaze in the mirror. How was she going to get through this? Why 
couldn't Clark be here? Her Clark, not a painful reminder of his 
absence. It wasn't fair.

She yanked a towel off the rack and dried her face. Yuck. She 
still had that sour taste in her mouth. She snatched the 
mouthwash from the vanity and gargled for a full minute, hoping 
to obliterate her grief as well as the foul taste. She spat and 
wiped her mouth with the towel again. She glanced in the mirror, 
a determined look on her face. Well, it was time to face the 
world. Or at least...Clark. 

She steeled herself, reaching into her reserves where she had 
hidden Mad Dog Lane so long ago, after Clark had broken down her 
walls and shown her what love was. What love could be like? She 
needed Mad Dog now. It was the only way she was going to make it. 
"All right, Mad Dog, here we go."

She found him in the kitchen pouring some orange juice into two 
glasses. He turned around and looked at her with a concerned 
face. Clark's face.

"Feeling better?"

She just nodded.

"I thought...well, if you're not up to eating, I understand."

"No, I think I can manage a little. Ugh! Everything bad they say 
about morning sickness is true." She looked at him and was 
suddenly struck by how hard this must be for him as well. He was 
sacrificing part of his life to save her and Clark's future. And 
his future...well, all she could remember of his world was that 
his Lois was gone. Dead. And now, just as he was here to remind 
him of what she couldn't have, she was doing the same for him. 
Only worse, because for him, his soulmate would never be coming 
back. She didn't know what to say. Everything was just so... 
insignificant. All she could manage was, "Thanks."

"Oh. It wasn't any trouble. Just a quick flight..."

"No. I mean for everything. I know this has to be hard for you 
too."

***

Clark looked down to avoid her gaze. He didn't have a response 
for that. But thankfully, none was needed. She gathered the 
juices from the counter and set them on the table, seating 
herself in the process. "Come on, we can talk about how we're 
going to do this."

He nodded mutely, still stuck for words, and joined her at the 
table. He wondered where this new Lois had come from. He could 
still see the pain in her eyes, but it didn't show on her face.

"So," she began as she snatched a warm croissant from the bag. He 
watched as she pulled off a flaky piece and popped it into her 
mouth, thinking as she chewed. "Work. The Planet will be our main 
challenge. Perry, Jimmy, they'll be the ones we really have to 
worry about." She paused in thought.

"That's Mayor White and Mr. Olsen. Right?"

"Right, only you'll need to call them Perry or Chief and Jimmy."

He nodded and began to file away the information as she ticked it 
off.

"Jimmy calls you CK most of the time and he's a researcher slash 
photographer, not the owner like in your universe. Um...we're 
partners. For most stories we work together, some we have 
independently. We do a lot of legwork so that'll be good. The 
less we're in the newsroom, the better off we'll be. Let's see, 
what else?"

He stared at her in amazement as she spoke, wondering where she'd 
pulled this bravado from. She must be an incredibly tenacious 
woman. In her situation, he didn't know if he'd be strong enough 
to handle any of this. He hadn't been able to cope with much at 
all. Lois had, but so far, she'd mentioned only technicalities, 
nothing emotional. He wondered if she'd be the first to bring it 
up. Maybe he should.

"What about..." he hesitated, but he had her attention now after 
breaking his silence. "What about the...PDAs and stuff?" He hoped 
he sounded as embarrassed as he felt. He didn't want her to think 
that he was enjoying this or taking advantage.

Her face fell and her bravado faltered for a moment, but she 
seemed to banish the feeling quickly. "Well," she played with her 
hands and looked down. "Clark and I are usually pretty 
affectionate at work." Her voice became softer. "He always gets 
me coffee in the morning. Non-fat milk and artificial sweetener. 
I think he's known that since our first day together." She 
sniffled but continued. "So...he'll get us both coffee and we'll 
sit at my desk, going over our current stories. He touches me a 
lot. A hand on my knee, a brief kiss on the cheek, or if he's 
brave and Perry isn't watching, he'll kiss me on the lips. He's 
kinda shy that way, but think he's getting used to it. In fact, 
the newsroom is too. They used to take cover; it was like an air 
raid siren going off when we got into it. But they always knew 
Clark would apologize and I would forgive him, regardless of 
whose fault it was." She smiled slightly and dipped her head. "I 
still don't like admitting when I'm wrong. And even if we both 
know I'm wrong, Clark apologizes and we know we're okay. We both 
know where we stand."

He smiled at that. What an amazing woman.

"Even before Clark and I were together, Clark would gaze at me 
from his desk. I'd always pretended not to notice. God, I was so 
stupid! I never saw what was right in front of me. Well, I guess 
I didn't *want* to see it. Clark was so patient. He made me see 
it. Made me see him for who he was. Made me see that I really did 
love him, that I was just scared. We were best friends first and 
I was terrified I would have lost him. And now...I wasted so much 
of the time we could have had together."

She was silent after that, concentrating on the table and tracing 
the grain of the wood under the varnish. His heart ached for her, 
but at the same time he still envied her. And Clark, for their 
experience, their history together. He'd give anything to have 
that with someone.

His Lois.

"Lois, don't do that." He put a hand over hers, waiting until she 
looked at him. "Don't look back on what you could have done 
differently. I'm sure that if it happened any other way, your 
love today for each other wouldn't be as strong. It wouldn't be 
the same. Our experiences make us who we are. And who you are is 
whom Clark loves. Why would you want to change that?"

He believed what he'd said, but it was hard to comprehend that 
kind of love when he hadn't experienced it himself. All he could 
do was imagine. And for a moment, he imagined that she was his.

***

The tears rolled silently down her cheeks. "Thank you." It was 
all she could say. Here he was again, comforting her when he was 
hurting too. He was so much like Clark it was scary. But he was 
different too. She knew a little of his past and his present, how 
his life must be like, and she admired his courage. He was strong 
in more ways than one.

Just like Clark.

She imagined the man in front of her losing his parents at such a 
young age, bouncing around from different foster homes, never 
really fitting in anywhere. Not in the community, not in a 
family, not in the human race. It broke her heart to think how 
alone he must have felt. How alone he still must feel. And she 
wondered how he did it. How did he survive? He spoke again and 
she had her answer.

"So, do we go into work today, or what?"

He buried it all inside. Locked it up in his own personal steel 
vault, never letting anyone else in. Just like Clark.

"Um no, I went home sick yesterday. I...the doctor confirmed it 
then." She moved her free hand down to her abdomen. "I think 
Perry suspected and said for me to take today off too. I haven't 
been very productive lately anyway, with Clark gone."

He gave her an understanding smile and squeezed her hand before 
releasing it. "So, how long has he been gone?"

"Three months, four days and," she glanced at the clock, "two 
hours."

"Did...Does he know?"

She shook her head. "No. The night before he left...it was the 
first time we..."

"Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry."

"No, no. It's better this way. I mean he needed to go. He 
wouldn't have if he'd known." She hadn't thought much about that, 
but now that she said it, she knew it was true. At least she 
thought so. She wished it hadn't happened this way, but...it was 
better. She had to believe that.

It looked like he wanted to say something but he just nodded.

"Everyone thinks he's in Smallville, helping out his dad because 
of an illness. I wasn't sure what I was going to say after that. 
After it became too long to be believable...I just...I wasn't...I 
couldn't do anything else."

He put a hand on hers to comfort her. "Hey, it's okay. You did 
good."

She composed herself again. She had to get a hold of her 
emotions. Mad Dog Lane kept slipping up, losing her edge.

"So, besides Perry, are you going to tell anyone else about the 
baby?"

She shook her head. She wasn't ready for that. It was her moment. 
Clark's moment. Maybe she wouldn't have to wait that long and it 
still could be his. But probably not. Even still, she didn't want 
everyone else to know just yet. She couldn't handle that. "No. 
I'd rather wait...I...think we need a little time to adjust to 
our situation first."

He nodded. If he'd known what she was thinking, he didn't let on. 
And she was grateful for that. She grabbed his hand. "Come on, 
there's somewhere we need to go."

***

Lois picked up the receiver of the pay phone Clark had stopped 
them at somewhere outside of Smallville and dialed the Kent's 
number.

"Hello?"

"Martha, it's me, Lois."

"Lois, it's so good to hear from you, Sweetie. How are you 
holding up?"

"I'm all right. Look, I didn't want to just come without calling 
first, would you mind if I stopped by for a visit?"

"Of course not, Lois. We'd love to see you. Just let us know what 
time your flight comes into Wichita and I'll come pick you up."

"Um, well, I'm already here, in Smallville."

"Really? Then what on Earth are you on the phone for? You know 
you're family, Lois. You're welcome anytime. So when shall I 
expect you?"

"About five minutes?"

"Okay, Hon. I'll see you then."

She replaced the receiver and turned to Clark. "So, you ready to 
meet Clark's parents?"

He just nodded and scooped her up into his arms. He glanced 
around the deserted lot and lifted them up in the air, heading 
towards Smallville and the farmhouse. She could feel his 
nervousness. It was still weird, that feeling of connection, and 
she didn't think she'd ever get used to it like she had with her 
Clark. It was always there, faint, then stronger when one or both 
of them were emotional. It was only a shadow of what she'd felt 
with Clark, but it was there nonetheless.

She saw the farmhouse come into view and Clark slowed. She could 
feel him shaking ever so slightly, so she touched his shoulder. 
"It's okay, Clark. You'll be fine."

"What if they hate me? For...for taking their son's place? For 
butting in?"

"No, Clark. They won't. They'll be grateful, just like I am."

He landed them a short distance from the porch and set her down 
gently.

"Now, you'll be okay for a few minutes here while I explain?"

He nodded.

"Then I'll call for you. So don't wander too far, Flyboy." She 
gave him a wink and was glad when he smiled at her teasing. "See 
you in a few," she called over her shoulder as she made her way 
up to the door of the farmhouse and knocked.

Martha answered and seemed thrilled to see her and before she 
knew it, she found herself in the older woman's arms. It felt so 
good to be hugged, so comforting. It was such a relief to be 
here. Martha was a lifesaver.

"Come in, Honey, come in." Martha ushered her inside and sat her 
at the table where fresh baked cookies and cold milk awaited her. 
"Help yourself, Dear. How are you doing?"

Suddenly it was all too much to handle. The dam she'd built so 
carefully over the last few hours broke, and the tears came in a 
flood. "Oh, Martha! Everything's a mess."

She felt Martha collect her in her arms once again and she 
shushed her. "There, there, Lois. It's okay. Let it all out, 
Sweetie."

She just sobbed in her arms for a long moment before she caught 
her breath. Martha guided her into a chair and grabbed a box of 
tissues from the counter, handing Lois one as she sat. "Now, 
Dear, tell me what's wrong."

"Well," she tried a watery smile as she dabbed at her eyes. "It's 
actually good news if you think about it...it's just." She 
smoothed out the tissue in her hands and stared at it for a 
moment. "Well...I'm pregnant."

She smiled again when she saw Martha's face light up. "Oh, Lois, 
that's wonderful!"

"I know." She sniffed. "I just wish Clark was here."

"Oh, Honey, I do too."

For a moment, Lois wished she could end it right there. It wasn't 
right. The other Clark was waiting outside, ready to intrude on 
her family. Her moment. She didn't fault him for it. She knew he 
felt guilty already, but it wasn't his fault. He'd come to help 
and she was grateful for that. She sniffled. "Actually, Martha, 
there's something else."

"Oh?"

"Remember when Clark and I told you about the parallel universe 
and how I'd been stranded there for a few days?"

Martha nodded in recognition.

"And that universe had a Clark just like ours?"

"Yes?"

"Well..." She folded the tissue in half, then in half again 
before she looked back up at Martha. She wasn't sure how she 
would handle it. "That Clark is here."

"What? How?"

"H.G. Wells brought him here to sort of...stand in for Clark 
while he's gone. He said Clark's identity was in jeopardy. 
Something about Utopia and the future."

***

Lois looked worried, like there was something else she wasn't 
saying. "Lois?"

"Martha, he wouldn't say if Clark was coming home or not. What if 
he never comes back?"

Martha didn't want to think about it. She'd never tell Lois, but 
she'd been having those thoughts for the past few weeks. She 
couldn't think of anything to say, so she simply gathered Lois in 
her arms again. She'd always thought of this woman as her 
daughter. Now, the mother of her grandchild. "Oh, Lois." They 
both sobbed in each other's arms for a while.

This wasn't right. They shouldn't be blubbering about like this. 
She pulled back from Lois gently and wiped at the tears on her 
face. Something else, they had to talk about something else. "So 
this other Clark is here in this universe? Where is he?"

Lois looked sheepish. "Outside."

"Lois! All this time?"

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't want to shock you, Martha. I didn't want 
to give you false hope. I'll get him." She raised her voice 
slightly. "Clark, you can come in now."

Martha waited for the whoosh and the appearance of her "son," but 
instead there was a knock at the door. Wordlessly, she got up to 
answer it.

When she opened the door, she gasped inwardly. Even though Lois 
had told her, it was still a bit of shock to actually see him. 
When she looked closely, though, she could pick out the little 
differences that told her that this man was not her son. "Clark, 
please come in. I'm Martha, but you know that."

He held out a hand, but he looked so lost and so much like her 
son, she simply pulled him into her arms instead. After a moment, 
he seemed to collapse into her and to her surprise, he started 
trembling. He was crying. "Oh, Clark. There, there, don't cry."

***

He'd been caught off guard at first by the hug, but he relaxed 
quickly. It felt so good to be in this woman's arms, his mother 
in so many ways. He could pretend for a little bit. Couldn't he? 
He hadn't seen his mom in twenty years and he hadn't realized 
just how much he'd missed her until this moment. He'd never 
gotten to say goodbye, and now she was here...

But this wasn't his mom. He straightened abruptly, embarrassed by 
his display of emotions. He wiped the tears away quickly and 
composed his face. "Sorry. I just...ah...sorry."

"No, no, Dear. It's okay."

He knew she must think he was crazy. The surprise was evident in 
her face, though he could tell she was trying to hide it. He just 
stared at her, dumbfounded. She was older, obviously, than his 
mom had been, but she still had the same caring eyes.

"Why don't you join Lois and me in the kitchen?"

He nodded, still struck silent by the moment. Silently, he 
followed her into the kitchen where Lois was seated. She looked 
concerned.

"Clark? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really. It was just a little more...emotional than I'd expected, 
seeing my mo...seeing her."

Martha looked a little baffled and thankfully Lois stepped in to 
do the explaining. "His parents died in a car accident when he 
was ten."

"Oh my! You poor thing! No wonder."

Before he knew what was happening, this woman was hugging him 
again. It was a brief hug this time, but still comforting.

"Here, Clark, have a seat. Lois." He sat as he watched her give 
Lois a look. "Would you go out to the barn and see if Jonathan 
needs any help?"

"Sure."

Lois left him alone with Martha. The woman looked at him and 
reminded him so much of his mother. She had the same look on her 
face that his mother had had when she'd sensed something was 
wrong. She'd always get it out of him, make him tell her what was 
bothering him. And he knew instinctively, this woman was no 
different. She sat down next to him in the chair Lois had 
vacated.

"Talk to me, Clark. Tell me about your life."

He looked at his hands and then back up at her. "I don't know 
where to start."

"You could start with your parents."

"Well," he hesitated before he started. "Up until they died, they 
were great parents. We got along great. A lot of the other kids 
would always complain about their parents, but not me. I think it 
might have been something to do with how they found me." He 
hesitated for a moment. He'd never told anyone but Lana the story 
of how his parents had found him. Though the woman in front of 
him probably already knew. Was there really a point in telling 
her?

She must have sensed his uncertainty. "Go ahead, Clark, I want to 
hear you tell it."

He gave her a weak smile and continued. "They weren't able to 
have kids and then I show up out of nowh...well the sky. They 
didn't take me for granted and I didn't take them for granted 
either. Especially when my powers started to develop. By the time 
I was ten, I was pretty strong and getting pretty fast." But not 
fast enough.

He knew better than to blame himself now, but still, he couldn't 
help but feel that it was his fault. He should have been able to 
do something. He looked back up at Martha. There were those eyes 
again.

"Go on, Sweetie."

He took a heavy breath and continued. "We didn't know that I was 
from Krypton then. We weren't sure. Mom and Dad thought maybe I 
had been some kind of Russian experiment, but they didn't treat 
me any different. They didn't think I was a freak like...well, 
like Lana did when I told her."

"Lana Lang?"

"Yeah. We were friends and after mom and dad died, we got real 
close. She was my only friend. It was hard to keep any 'cause I 
kept getting bumped from foster home to foster home. They thought 
I had behavior problems, but I was just trying to hide my powers. 
I was real quiet, but they thought I was being destructive, 
rebelling. I accidentally broke a lot of things and it only got 
worse when I started setting fires with my eyes."

"Oh, you poor dear."

"I survived," he said quietly. He tried not to think about how it 
had been. "Lana was a real rock for me. She always said, 'No one 
will ever love you more than I do and no one understands you 
better.' I guess looking back, she didn't really understand me at 
all, but that was why I thought I could trust her with my secret. 
When I told her, she was shocked and I could tell she was a 
little scared of me. She hid her reaction quickly though, and 
didn't mention it again. I didn't either. She did her best to 
treat me normally after that. We stayed friends and up until last 
year, we were even engaged."

"What happened?"

"Uh...Lois happened."

"Oh."

"No, it was for the best. I wasn't really happy with Lana. She 
was always yelling at me when she'd find out that I used my 
powers in public. I couldn't help it. I couldn't just stand by 
when I knew I could help."

"Of course not, Dear."

"I'd told her what my dad had always said and she never let me 
forget it. Every time she caught me, she'd tell me, 'Clark, 
they'll lock you up and dissect you like a frog.'"

Martha chuckled. "Sorry, it's just that Jonathan used the same 
thing on Clark."

He smiled at that. "Funny how much is the same, huh?"

"Yeah. And it's funny how much is different too. So what happened 
with Lois?"

"Didn't Lois tell you?"

"Yeah, but I want to hear it from you. How did *you* feel?"

No one had ever asked him how he'd felt about the situation. Not 
that anyone could have, but who would've believed him anyway? 
They would have all thought he was crazy. He looked at the older 
version of his mom. The only person he could've told, had she 
still been alive. He'd been plagued by it ever since it'd 
happened, having to hold everything inside. Clark sighed, half 
with relief, half with trepidation, and began to tell his 'mom' 
of the day his world had turned upside down.

"Well, I was at the Planet when this woman came out of nowhere 
and kissed me." He smiled at the memory, the moment his life had 
changed forever. "It shocked me to say the least and then Lana 
came up behind us, introduced herself and that was the first time 
we met. It wasn't too much later that Mr. White told me she was 
my new partner and no sooner did she pull me into the conference 
room and turn my world upside down. She scared the hell outta me 
when she told me she knew who and what I was. She told me all 
about this parallel Metropolis, this other Clark Kent. I knew I 
shouldn't have talked to her. I should have just walked away, but 
I couldn't. I felt this weird sort of connection. I mean, the way 
she looked at me when I told her my parents had died. It was 
just, well, she was so sad for me. Here was this crazy woman, 
telling me all these crazy things and amidst it all, she showed 
me her heart, her compassion. No one had ever done that except 
for my parents.

"She showed me a picture of both of you, with him. He looked so 
happy. It was hard to see that. I didn't get to have that...what 
he has with you." He paused, swallowing the pain. "Anyway, she 
also showed me a picture of him in this funny looking costume."

Martha was smiling again.

"What?"

"I made it for him."

He felt his cheeks getting red. "Oh, yeah. Lois told me that, 
sorry. I mean, it looked ridiculous at first, but Lois made the 
one I wear now."

"Lois made a suit for you?!"

"Yeah, the same one you did. Why?"

"Well, Lois isn't exactly the domestic type. I love her dearly, 
but she can' t cook to save her life. I never dreamed she knew 
how to sew." She grinned at him with a mischievous gleam in her 
eye. "Now that I know, I'll have to make her sew Clark's suits 
from now on."

"He has more than one?"

"Of course, Honey. You don...you wouldn't, would you? I'll make 
you some."

"You would?"

"Absolutely."

"If it's not too much trouble."

"No, no. No trouble at all. I'd be glad to."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, go on."

"Well, Lois made the suit for me and convinced me to go out as 
this 'Superman' and help people."

She smiled at him and he realized he was smiling too.

"It felt so good, Martha. I'd never felt more free in my life. 
And it made me feel..." He didn't want to say it. He was 
embarrassed by his misplaced feelings for Lois. He wasn't sure 
how Martha would react. This was her son's fianc‚ he was talking 
about.

"How did it make you feel, Clark?"

He couldn't say it. What if she thought he was some kind of 
pervert?

"It's okay. Nothing leaves this room."

Somehow he knew it was the truth. He could trust her. And he saw 
in her eyes that she wouldn't judge him. He sighed and continued. 
"It made me feel...well, ever since that first moment I met Lois, 
I felt so many things. It was like I'd known her all my life. For 
the first time since my parents died, I felt like everything was 
going to be okay. I know it sounds stupid, but I...I think I fell 
in love with her. There was...still is, this connection. Crazy, 
huh?" He looked into the older woman's eyes and didn't find any 
ridicule.

***

"It doesn't sound crazy at all, Clark."

"I had a lot of time to think about that. This insane notion that 
I could love someone at first sight, someone that I didn't even 
know. I got to thinking that maybe my feelings for Lois were 
meant for the Lois in my universe."

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know. She was on an assignment in the Congo. Some 
gunrunning story. And...she never came back. I actually never met 
her. She was presumed dead. It's stupid, I know, to love someone 
I don't even know, who's most likely dead. I looked for her, but 
all my powers, all my abilities didn't help when it really 
mattered...just like with my parents."

She watched him try to hold it in. Just like her boy, always 
trying to be too strong for his own good. "It's okay, Clark. Let 
it out." She moved her chair closer to him and put a hand on his 
shoulder.

He buried his head in his hands to hide his tears. "I wasn't fast 
enough. I'd always watch from the porch for them to come home. 
That night, they were driving home from a town meeting. I started 
running when I saw the semi heading towards them. I was pretty 
fast, even then, but I didn't make it in time. I was too late. 
The examiner said they died instantly. No pain." He sniffled and 
the tears were streaming down his face now. "I wasn't fast 
enough. I let them die."

She gathered him into her arms, her heart aching for him. "Shh, 
Clark. It wasn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could do. 
It's not your fault." He cried harder in her arms, the sobs 
wracking his body. She comforted him the best she could and 
thanked God that the same fate hadn't fallen upon her and 
Jonathan. This poor boy had been through so much. She held him 
until he'd cried himself out.

He sat up slowly, embarrassed. "I'm sorry...I...I never told 
anyone before. Not everything."

She smoothed his hair back and looked at him, nudging the box of 
tissues towards him. "You're so brave, Clark. It must have taken 
a lot of courage to survive after something like that, especially 
alone."

"Th...thanks. I think I needed that." He blew his nose and wiped 
at his eyes.

"You sure did. And you're welcome. What do you say we go find 
Lois and Jonathan?"

"Sure." He wiped the tears from his face and sniffled. "I'd like 
to meet him."

***

Lois was in the barn with Jonathan. She'd told him everything.

"So, this other Clark is talking with Martha right now?"

She nodded. She hoped Clark was okay. She'd felt him suffering. 
It seemed to have lessened now, but the force of it had almost 
been overwhelming. "I think they might be done now."

He cocked his head. "Oh?"

"Well, he and I...kinda have this connection. I can feel his 
emotions and he can feel mine. It's the same with me and Clark, 
only stronger. I think that's how Clark's managed to save me so 
many times. He could feel when I was in danger."

"That's amazing."

"I know." She smiled wistfully. She wished she could feel Clark 
now.

Just then, Martha entered the barn with Clark right behind her. 
"Jonathan, Honey, there's someone I'd like you to meet." Clark 
stepped forward. "Jonathan, this is Clark Kent. Clark, this is my 
husband, Jonathan."

Clark extended a hand and Jonathan took it with both of his. 
"It's an honor to meet you."

Lois could feel Clark's heart skip a beat when he shook his hand. 
"Likewise."

"Thank you for everything you're doing for Lois. And my boy."

He didn't respond at first and she could feel his modesty. 
"You're welcome, sir."

"Oh please, call me Jonathan."

"Jonathan."

The moment got awkward. Clark stuck his hands in his jeans 
pockets and kicked some of the hay around on the floor. Jonathan 
cleared his throat. Lois was glad when Martha piped in.

"Who's hungry? I can have lunch ready in a few minutes."

***

Clark was nervous as they rode the elevator up to the newsroom 
floor the next morning. It was the same lobby, the same elevator, 
but they were headed to a whole different newsroom than he was 
used to. They'd gone early, so he would be able to adjust to his 
surroundings before dealing with too many people.

She took his hand as the doors opened, though he wasn't sure if 
it was for pretense or to bolster his confidence. She gave his 
hand a gentle squeeze and he calmed some. He could feel that she 
was just as nervous. They walked hand in hand down the ramp to 
her desk and set their stuff down.

He heard her speak under her breath to him. "That's your desk 
across the way there."

He followed to where she'd indicated with her nod and saw a desk 
just like his, except this desk had a picture of Lois on it. He 
smiled wistfully and nodded.

"We should go talk to Perry now, let him know you're back. So to 
speak."

He hesitated only slightly before slipping an arm around her 
waist as they headed for Mayor Whi...Perry's office. Here comes 
test number one.

Once inside, he closed the door after them and they both sat 
across from Perry. Lois grabbed his hand again.

Perry looked at him plainly, but there was a hint of something 
else in his eyes. A little gleam perhaps? "Welcome back, Son."

"Thanks, Chief." The words were a little awkward on his tongue 
after so many months of having his Perry as Mayor. He hoped he 
sounded natural.

"Everything okay at home now? Your pop okay?"

"Yeah...yeah, my dad's doing much better." Why did he feel that 
Perry had meant more by that question than he'd let on? He shook 
the feeling and continued. "I was able to get a lot done for him 
around the farm."

"That's good, Son. So, you ready to get back to work now? I'm not 
gonna cut you any slack anymore, ya hear?"

"Yes, sir."

"That goes for you too, Lois."

"Sure, Perry."

Clark started to get up, but Perry spoke again. "And by the way, 
when the heck are you two gonna get hitched? Don't you think it's 
about time?"

He hadn't been expecting that one at all and by the feel of 
Lois's hand squeezing his, she hadn't either. He was grateful, 
though, when Lois fielded the question. "Yeah, Chief, but we're 
not in any rush. Clark just got back and all. We're just waiting 
for the right time." She looked over at him and gave him a loving 
smile. "Right, Honey?"

"Right." And for extra measure, hoping he wasn't overstepping his 
boundaries, he raised their hands and gave hers a kiss.

"Well, all right you two, git on back to work."

They got up to leave and he guided Lois out, his hand on the 
small of her back as he hoped a loving fianc‚ would do. Once they 
were safely outside Perry's office and back at Lois's desk, he 
whispered to her, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, that's why you're here."

"Sorry."

She chuckled and smiled. "Now that's just like Clark. Always 
apologizing for apologizing."

He shared in her good humor and gave her a crooked smile. He was 
glad she seemed to be doing okay with this.

A woman paused in front of them. "Welcome back, Clark. Glad to 
hear your father's doing better."

"Uh...thanks," he heard Lois's low voice again <Maria>, "Maria. 
Me too."

"Well, I'll let you get back to work." She turned to go, and 
threw a "Glad to have you back" over her shoulder as she walked 
away.

He turned to Lois. "So, maybe we should get working." 

She nodded and jotted something down on a scrap of paper. She 
handed it to him and spoke under her breath. "Here, you should 
check...your...email and voice mail to see if any sources have 
contacted you."

He looked at the slip of paper in his hand, presumably Clark's 
passwords. He was a little taken aback by the trust this implied, 
but also realized it was a necessary gesture as well. "Thanks. 
I'll just," he rose and motioned towards Clark's desk, "go and do 
some catch up at my desk."

"Okay, Honey. Let me know if you get any hot tips."

"Sure." He began to walk away and hesitated. He thought he should 
give her a peck on the cheek or something, but he chickened out 
and just headed for Clark's desk. He was still a little off 
balance by the whole situation. Settling down at 'his' desk he 
was thankful that the computers were the same as in his universe. 
He flipped the switch on the power strip and grabbed the phone to 
check Clark's voicemail while he waited for the system to boot 
up.

***

She watched him from her desk. Many times over the past few 
months, she'd stared at that desk, willing Clark to appear. 
Wishing that this whole ordeal wasn't real, that Clark would just 
be there, like he always had, gazing over at her like she was the 
only woman in the world. And now, he *was* there, but it wasn't 
him. It was a different Clark, but he still looked at her the 
same. Whether it was part of the pretense or his misplaced 
feelings for her, she couldn't discern. This was harder than 
she'd thought it would be. She had to build that wall back up 
around her emotions. This was how it had to be. She could handle 
it. She was Mad Dog Lane.

Mostly. 

She moved a hand to cover her stomach. Her baby. Clark's baby. 
Mad Dog Lane had never wanted a baby. But *she* did. She'd ached 
for one. And now... well, it was funny how her life had turned 
out. She'd gotten everything she'd ever wanted and everything she 
never knew she'd wanted. She just couldn't have them all at the 
same time. Had she done something to deserve this? It was almost 
comical what fate had planned for her. Maybe this was a test. 
Though to prove what, she didn't know.

Clark caught her watching him and smiled. She grinned back at him 
then focused back to her computer screen. It was blank. She 
flicked the power switch on and decided she ought to check her 
voice mail too. This was going to be a *long* day.

***

Perry sat quietly at his desk and sent a silent thank you to 
whoever was listening. Clark was back. He actually looked damned 
good too, a little dispirited, but good. He and Lois appeared to 
be happy, but he didn't get that same feeling from them that he'd 
had in the past. Maybe it was just pretense for the rest of the 
newsroom. After all, according to them, Clark had been just a few 
states away. Even still, he could feel in his gut that something 
wasn't right.

He suspected that Lois was pregnant. In fact, he was almost 
certain, but for some reason they'd chosen not to announce their 
wonderful news. He wondered what the hold up; the hesitation was 
about. He knew without a doubt that both of them wanted this 
baby, but they weren't acting like it. Clark should be ecstatic, 
thrilled. But he'd seen his eyes and that joy of finding out you 
were a father for the first time was absent. Maybe she hadn't 
told him yet. He'd only been back for a day, but...

Perry shook his head. Only time would tell.

***

Clark followed her out to her Jeep and climbed into the 
passenger's side when she unlocked the door. She started the 
engine after they were both settled. She'd turned the air 
conditioning on, but the silence inside the vehicle was stifling.

"So," Lois started as she pulled into traffic. "Um, did you want 
to stay at Clark's place? I have the key and the rent's paid 
for...if you want to. I mean, obviously you won't stay in a hotel 
and well, if you want to, you can stay with me, but my couch 
isn't that comfortable. You probably figured that out last night 
and...what?"

She'd caught him staring and he smiled. "Do you always talk so 
fast?"

She smiled and ducked her head a little before focusing on the 
road again. "Clark always accuses me of babbling."

"Like a brook," he chuckled.

"Yeah."

It was cute, though it was probably something she did when she 
got nervous. She was nervous around him. But not that nervous. He 
couldn't feel it and for some reason that made him sad. "Clark's 
place is fine. As long as you don't mind. If you don't think he 
would mind."

"Uh, no. No, it'll be fine."

"Okay."

She was silent after that, though he was thankful this time the 
silence was not uncomfortable. Clark took the time to think about 
what a drastic turn his life had taken in that last 48 hours. 
He'd gone from being just Superman - and sometimes Clark Kent, 
the guy who could fly - to simply Clark Kent, reporter for the 
Daily Planet and fianc‚ of Lois Lane. It was almost like being 
transported back in time, instead of across it. Back to before 
Lois had shown up. Except this time it was...different. Worse? 
Better? He didn't know. From what he'd seen, this Metropolis was 
cleaner, safer. And there was a Lois in this Metropolis. That was 
better.

And worse.

Better because he felt calmer, more at ease, more...himself. But 
at the same time, she reminded him again that there was someone 
out there who would have completed him, who would have understood 
and accepted him for who and what he really was. Someone who no 
longer existed. God, this was going to be hard, pretending to 
love someone he thought he might actually love.

And he loved her for all the wrong reasons. He had to remember 
that she wasn't his to love. His mind understood, but telling his 
heart would be a whole different challenge.

"Clark?"

Her voice pulled him from his thoughts. "Yeah?"

"We're here. You looked like you were a million miles away."

"Close." He looked out the window, realizing that the car had 
come to a stop. "He has the same apartment?"

"Yeah. I didn't think about that. Guess I don't have to show you 
around then."

He smiled at that. They both got out of the Jeep and headed up 
the stairs to Clark's apartment. Lois let them in with her key. 
She found the light switch and Clark was transported across time 
again. It was uncanny how similar it looked.

"Sorry, it's a little dusty. I meant to come over and clean, and 
well..."

"It's okay. Nothing a few seconds won't fix."

That got a smile out of her. "I guess it would be most logical to 
go ahead and use Clark's clothes too. That way Perry won't have 
to wonder where you got the money for a new wardrobe. You dress a 
little differently than Clark from what I remember. Um...there's 
no food in the fridge, but we can go shopping later if you want. 
I know you don't need to eat. Clark likes to though, so maybe you 
do too. I don't know...I'm babbling again, aren't I?"

He grinned at her, "That's okay, it's kinda cute."

She blushed, but then looked slightly uncomfortable. "Okay, well, 
I guess you know your way around, so...is there anything else you 
need?"

"No. Thank you, Lois."

"I'll pick you up for work tomorrow at eight." She paused at the 
door like she was unsure of what to do next.

"Goodnight, Lois."

"Goodnight, Clark. I'll see you tomorrow."

He watched the door close and locked it behind her, though he 
followed her with his eyes to make sure she got to her car 
safely. He watched until she pulled away from the curb and he 
turned to take in his new surroundings.

There were a few differences now that he looked closely. The 
couch was in the same place, but it was slightly different than 
his, as was the entertainment center and the television. He moved 
to the mantel and touched the old football that was sitting 
there. The same as his. As was the stand underneath it - 
Smallville High 1984 Champions. The picture next to it, however, 
was foreign to his world. It was of Lois and *him*. They were 
both dressed up - Clark in a tux and Lois in a dress, her hair 
swept up, exposing her neck. The other Clark held Lois in one arm 
and...he zoomed in...a Kerth Award in the other. So he had won 
one too.

Clark turned back to face the rest of the apartment and there 
they were, all the little gems that separated him from this 
Clark. Hints of Lois. Pictures of her and them. And suddenly, 
Clark felt like an intruder. A voyeur. How was he going to stay 
here for weeks? Hopefully not months. It wasn't right. He sighed. 
Well, it had to be or he had to live with it. Literally.

He plopped on the couch and laid back. The bed was just too 
personal. At least for now. Besides, the couch was comfy. Too bad 
he wouldn't be able to sleep. He stared at the ceiling, foreign 
to his own, but still comforting in a strange way. He wondered 
how Lois was feeling.

***

Lois felt miserable. She'd managed to get changed and crawl into 
bed, but she couldn't sleep. She opened the drawer of her 
nightstand and pulled out a hardbound journal. She'd bought it a 
few weeks ago, but hadn't been able to use it. Now, she needed 
it.

~*~*~

It was your mom's idea to keep this journal. She said it would 
help keep me sane while we wait for you. I didn't take her advice 
right away, you can probably tell by the date. I guess it was too 
painful, thinking about writing to you when you can't respond. 
But something happened that I felt you needed to know about. I 
know you can't read this now, but I hope that if you come back, 
it will help you fill the void of your absence. It's been three 
months since you left, three months since the first time we made 
love. Clark, we made a baby that night. I wish you could be here. 
I know you want this even more badly than I do. I don't think I 
ever told you that - that I would have given anything to carry 
your child, have your baby. I didn't realize what I'd been 
asking, I didn't realize I'd be giving *you* up. As much as I 
want this baby, I don't think I would have made that deal. It 
just isn't the same without you. I can only imagine what your 
reaction would have been. In my mind and in my dreams, I can see 
your beautiful smile, taking up more of your face than I'd ever 
thought possible. Oh, Clark. I know how you'll feel. You belong 
here now, more than ever. I know you always doubted it before, 
but now you don't have to anymore.

Something else happened. I'm not sure how to say this, but 
remember the alternate Metropolis? The other Clark Kent? Well, 
he's here. H.G. Wells brought him here. He's supposed to protect 
your identity, keep the public believing that you and Superman 
are two different people. I guess this means you won't be coming 
back for a while. H.G. Wells told Clark that his presence here 
was to secure the future. Utopia. Turns out the people found out 
and reacted kind of like I did, but they weren't able to forgive 
you.

Clark being here, this wasn't quite what I'd hoped for when I was 
wishing for you to come home. But if it helps our future, our 
child's future, then I can bear it. It won't be easy, seeing him 
everyday, wishing he were you. Your love. Our love, will get me 
through. It has to.

***

Clark woke early the next morning. He'd been able to doze off for 
a few hours, but at five a.m., sleep had eluded him again. He 
made it through getting up and taking a shower without a second 
thought to his surroundings. It was only when he was standing in 
front of the closet with a towel around his waist, that he became 
uncomfortable. This wasn't his closet. These weren't his clothes.

But that was okay. He could do this. He'd been doing it for 
nearly twenty years, putting on someone else's clothes, 
pretending to be someone he wasn't. Lana had always said it'd be 
better that way. And because of what his dad had always warned 
him of, he'd believed her.

He sighed as he picked out an outfit for the day. He wasn't 
looking forward to stepping back into his old lifestyle, but he 
was looking forward to seeing Lois again. He glanced at the 
clock. 6:07. Two hours. Maybe there was something good on TV. 

*** 

At 7:48, the doorbell rang. Lois. He opened the door and smiled 
at her. "Good morning."

"Morning. I know I'm early, but it looks like you're ready 
anyway. Shall we?"

"Sure. Just let me..." He fumbled in his pockets, not finding his 
keys. Of course. "Uh...never mind. Let's go."

He followed her out the door and waited while she locked up. When 
she was done, she held out the keys for him. "Here, I made you a 
set. I figured you could use them if you're staying for a while."

He took the keys and dropped them in his pocket. "Thanks." It 
seemed inadequate considering, but... He pushed the thought away 
and let her preceded him to the car.

*** 

It was nearing lunchtime when Clark finished up the article on 
the mayor's press conference Perry had assigned to him yesterday. 
The mayor had wanted to thank the citizens of Metropolis for the 
decrease in crime since Superman's departure. Clark himself was 
relieved that the city seemed to be taking care of itself for the 
most part. He was having difficulty as it was, ignoring the car 
accidents and such. But at the same time, he was itching to 
actually *write* something. Investigate something. Uncover greed 
or corruption. He sighed. He didn't really want to see any crime 
happening, but the lack of it left him too much time to think. 

He'd only been here a few days and he supposed he was adjusting 
well. He'd only slipped up once and used his heat vision to warm 
up his coffee. Lois had caught him and had given him a warning 
look. Thankfully, it was nothing like the looks that Lana had 
given him. Lois was just concerned about his...well...Clark's 
secret identity. Eliminating the public use of his powers was 
easy, it was this faux romance that was giving him trouble. He 
was never quite sure if he was overstepping his boundaries. Lois 
continually reassured him that he wasn't, but it was still 
awkward.

When he had been with Lana, he'd never really been openly 
affectionate. He'd never had the overwhelming urge to kiss her 
right then and there. He'd always been able to restrain himself 
until they were in private. Even then, anything physical had been 
somewhat mechanical, forced, if only in the later stages of their 
relationship. He wondered how long he would have put up with Lana 
if Lois hadn't shown up. Would he have actually gone through with 
the wedding? Glancing over at Lois, he felt grateful all over 
again that she had found herself in his universe. Yes, the entire 
Lois situation still caused him a great deal of grief, but 
really, he was better off than he had been. His heart was just a 
little...well...a lot worse for wear.

He watched her as she typed furiously and he smiled briefly. On 
the ride into work, he'd kept stealing glances at her, trying to 
figure out where she had hidden all the pain and grief. He was 
amazed and worried at the same time. He knew all too well what 
keeping everything bottled inside could do to a person. Though he 
knew it couldn't be true, from all outward appearances, Lois 
looked feisty, determined, and happy.

Clark tore his gaze away from Lois and fixed it on her picture on 
Clark's desk instead. Now *that* smile looked genuine. Had his 
Lois been like that? Had she ever been that happy and carefree? 
Had she ever had that look of love in her eyes, meant only for 
the man behind the camera? Had she found love and happiness 
before she died? Or had she died without ever knowing her true 
love? Was *he* really her true love?

He wondered if Lois would notice if he took one of her pictures 
with him when he went home. It would be nice to at least imagine, 
to pretend that his Lois was the one in the picture. And that he 
was the one behind the camera.

A beep from the computer pulled him back to reality. Email from 
Perry telling him his story was fine and that he should take his 
beautiful fianc‚ to lunch. His mouth twisted at that. Time for 
role-playing again. He grabbed his coat and headed for Lois's 
desk. "Sweetheart? Are you hungry?"

She seemed shocked momentarily, but recovered quickly. "Sure, 
honey. Just let me save what I have so far."

"Sure, Hon."

*** 

She wasn't sure whether to cry or scream. Or maybe both, though 
it aggravated her that she obviously couldn't do either now. He 
was laying it on a little thick with all the terms of endearment, 
wasn't he? Or maybe she was just overreacting. But it hurt, 
hearing Clark's voice and those words only to remind herself that 
it wasn't real. It was all for show. And this most certainly 
wasn't her Clark. But she couldn't bring herself to be mad at 
him. Maybe it was that charming grin that reminded her of Clark. 
As they walked arm in arm to the elevator she wished that her 
heart could forget and just pretend. If only for a little while.

Inside the elevator they both dropped their arms awkwardly and 
rode in silence to the lobby.

"Where did you want to..."

"What are you in the mood to..."

They both smiled oddly at having spoken at the same time.

Lois spoke first this time. "There's a little deli just around 
the corner."

"Sure."

The deli owner, whom she and Clark knew well, had welcomed Clark 
back and asked them when they were finally going to tie the knot. 
She'd tried to ignore the little stab of pain as she'd smiled and 
told him they weren't in any hurry. Lois waited until she and 
Clark were seated with their sandwiches to break the silence 
between them. "So, do you think it will get less awkward?" She 
gave him an unsteady smile.

"I hope so. Lois? Are you sure I'm not doing too much? I don't 
want to step out of line."

She hesitated a moment before answering. "No," she sighed. "It's 
just all a little overwhelming right now. But I think anything 
less would be suspicious."

He nodded. "Lois, I've been wanting to tell you, I wish I weren't 
here under these circumstances, but it's good to see you again. 
You were a really good friend to me. I never got to thank you for 
all you did for me."

She smiled and felt a little more at ease. Friends. That was 
easier to handle. "You're welcome. Though I'm sorry about Lana. I 
didn't mean to..."

He was shook his head and cut her off. "No, it's better, trust 
me. Lana was keeping me from being myself. I wasn't really happy 
with her."

From what she'd seen, she knew it was true, but he'd also left a 
lot unsaid. Sure she'd 'saved' him from Lana, but she'd also 
given him a new burden to bear. Though he hid it well, she could 
tell he still felt so alone. "I'm sorry about...her...about your 
Lois."

He shrugged solemnly. "It's okay. Nothing you could've done about 
it. It's not your fault she's...gone."

They were both silent for a moment before he spoke again.

"You know, I looked for her. All over Africa. I even talked to 
her sister. But I couldn't find her. It was stupid, I guess, 
after so many years and all, but..."

"No, Clark, it wasn't stupid. It's love. And I'm sorry that you 
had to find it this way." Lois ducked her head. "I know it's my 
fault."

"Don't, Lois. There's no one to blame here. It's okay. I'll get 
by. I've done it before."

"Your parents?" It wasn't really a question.

"Yeah. You know, it was really great seeing Clark's parents. Do 
you think they would mind if I visited again?"

"No. I don't think they'd mind at all."

***

It'd been a few days since Clark had last visited the Kents. His 
first time seeing them alone a few weeks ago, he'd been a little 
worried about going, despite Lois's reassurances, but they'd 
welcomed him with open arms. And since then, they'd insisted he 
come to dinner at least once a week. That had warmed his heart 
like nothing else. He really felt loved. They made sure he knew 
he was loved for who *he* was, not just in place of their absent 
son. Being with them wasn't quite the same as having his parents, 
but he'd found that it was a *really* good substitute. Now, back 
at work, he couldn't wipe the goofy grin off his face. But that 
was okay; he was supposed to be happy in love and engaged to a 
beautiful woman.

He stared over at the woman in question. For the last few weeks, 
he'd been digging around and talking to Clark's sources. He'd 
found something! Mindy Church, a seemingly vacuous blonde, was 
becoming a little more active in the underground community. Clark 
had read over his counterpart's notes on the subject and was 
appalled, but not too surprised to find that he'd suspected the 
grieving widow to be party to a number of crimes. Not the least 
of which was trying to kill Clark. That fact had obviously not 
been published, but it was good that to know what he was dealing 
with. 

So, after putting some feelers out, he'd found that Mindy Church 
may be trying to start up this Intergang now that it seemed 
Superman wasn't coming back. Mindy Church, it seemed, was quite a 
pro at covering her tracks. This was going to require a bit of 
digging. Real investigative work! And who knew, maybe even a 
little bit of surreptitious super help. He smiled to himself. 
There were definitely a few perks to this secret identity thing.

"Clark."

Her voice cut into his thoughts from across the way. He watched 
as she rose and headed towards him.

"Clark, what are you smiling about? You look like you're going to 
burst."

He wanted to tell her. In fact, he wanted her help on this one. 
He wanted it to be Lane and Kent, a real partnership. And the 
only one he could realistically expect from her. But he hadn't 
organized his research yet. He didn't want to look like some 
green reporter in the eyes of the great Lois Lane.

"Well, are you going to tell me?"

Apparently his smile had been contagious because she was smiling 
too. And she looked beautiful.

"Yeah, let's take a conference room though, this could be big."

*** 

Clark watched her with uncertainty as he told her what he knew. 
As he concluded his story, the smile that came over Lois's face 
was indescribable. The way her eyes danced caused his heart to do 
a little flip at the sight.

"Clark! This is great! Just what we need, a hot story to sink our 
teeth into. And to think, Clark and I had given up on Mindy 
Church! We thought she'd..."

At the mention of *his* name, the one he'd never be, his heart 
dropped a little altitude and he stopped hearing her voice. But 
the fact that he had discovered something that *he* hadn't found 
made him feel a little smug. And why shouldn't it? Just because 
he didn't have the perfect life that this other Clark did, didn't 
mean that he wasn't as intelligent. He wasn't particularly 
comfortable with his resentment towards his counterpart, but he 
couldn't help it. He was jealous. Plain and simple. This Clark 
had things he would never have. Thirty long years of happy 
memories with his parents. He still *had* his parents. He had a 
secret identity so that his life hadn't turned into a three-ring 
circus.

And he had Lois.

So he resented this man. The man that, had they met, he probably 
would have liked to know. They could have been friends. Brothers 
even. Aside from the New Kryptonians he'd just learned of (and 
still wasn't certain if they existed in his universe), Clark had 
always been alone in his uniqueness. No one else knew the freedom 
of flying under your own power. No one else knew the loneliness 
of knowing you were the last of your kind. So alien. So alone. 
Wouldn't it have been nice to sit down and talk with his 
counterpart? Had their powers developed the same? Had Clark felt 
the sheer joy and freedom when he'd discovered he could fly? Had 
he felt alone and alienated when he'd discovered just how 
different he'd been from his friends? Had he decided to live his 
life trying to be as normal as possible? Had his parents had the 
same accident? Had *he* been fast enough to save them? 

Yeah, Clark decided it would've been nice to share the joys of 
their uniqueness and the agony of their alienness. But he was 
pretty sure that would never happen. Besides, it was easier to 
begrudge someone you knew you'd never meet. And if by chance they 
did meet, if Clark came back before H.G. Wells? Would he be able 
to set aside his feelings and connect with him? He was sure that 
Clark would have his own reservations when he learned of the role 
he'd been playing. Clark wouldn't reproach his counterpart for 
those feelings at all. He imagined he'd feel the same way.

Even without the confusion that would arise if his counterpart 
returned to find him here, Clark was struggling with his 
feelings. And he felt that *she* was the source of all this 
malaise. Lois. The one they shared, but not really. 

She could never share her heart with him. Not when Clark had 
taken it with him to New Krypton. He tortured himself daily with 
this, trying to live in the moment and pretend that she was his, 
only to feel guilty and hopeless when he remembered that she'd 
never feel that way about him. That whenever he made it back, 
*if* he made it back to his own universe, that his Lois wouldn't 
be there. This Lois would have her Clark again - that's how it 
worked in this universe - and he'd be alone again. Back to the 
same old routine, but with a whole new heartache to endure. Right 
now, he was simply getting a taste of just how good he could 
never have it.

***

He watched her as she studied the research he'd gathered so far 
on Mindy Church. They were at Clark's apartment. She'd said it 
would be more comfortable and he'd agreed. She looked so 
determined, so focused. She was excited about this new lead. He 
smiled to himself. He was responsible for that. This was his 
story lead. Now it was theirs. Partners.

He imagined what it was like between *him* and her. This was 
probably how their partnership went, all day at work together, 
and late nights at one or the other's - mostly Clark's - 
apartment. Had they worked this well together from the beginning? 
No, Lois had said they'd fought a lot in the early days. But 
Clark had been patient with her, earning her trust and respect. 
And earning a place in her heart as well. 

Had it been love at first sight for Clark too? He knew he really 
shouldn't call it that, but that's what it felt like, and he had 
to have a name for what tortured him. Had Clark felt alone and 
desperate when Lois hadn't returned his feelings right away? 
Well, even if he had, *he* hadn't had to live with the knowledge 
that she could *never* be his. *That* Clark had never known the 
pain and despair of knowing he couldn't have her. He'd never felt 
that heartache of knowing that someone he loved was in love with 
someone else. In comparison, it'd been easy for *him*. He'd 
probably been able to look to the future and see hope. Must have 
been nice to have that luxury, knowing that all he had to do was 
bide his time until she realized that she loved him too. Clark 
could bide all the time in the world - in any universe - and 
never have that. Why did his future have to look so miserable? 
And why did he have to be here, leagues away from ordinary, with 
the exact double of the woman whom he could never have?

"Clark?" She touched his arm.

No pretending. He couldn't pretend. He couldn't pretend that this 
was a loving caress. Unfortunately, he also couldn't pretend that 
there wasn't a little spark of electricity when she touched him. 
He couldn't pretend that there was no chemistry between them. He 
tensed and shut his eyes. No. No. No.

"Clark? Are you okay? Are you hearing a cry for help?"

Good excuse. He'd go with that one. "Yeah...uh...but the police 
are on their way now."

"Good." She smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry you couldn't go."

"It's okay." The look she was giving him was full of concern, 
sympathy, and a little bit of something else. Something that he 
desperately wanted to explore even though his conscience was 
telling him otherwise. "I'm used to it." Yeah, used to it. All 
those emotions warring within him. Unfortunately, his desire was 
starting to overpower his integrity.

***

Something tickled at the back of her mind, she could always tell 
when Clark was lying and it seemed like he was lying now. But she 
wasn't sure what he'd have to hide from her. She shook the 
feeling and was overwhelmed by the one that took its place when 
she looked at Clark. Desire. Working with him like this brought 
back memories of the times she used to come over and stay late 
into the night, working with Clark on a story...or not working. 
She looked back at Clark. He was still staring at her. Oh, God, 
this was far too easy to pretend that he was her Clark. He had 
the same body, the same eyes, the same look of intensity when he 
was staring at her. Like he wanted to kiss her.

Maybe it *was* Clark and this had all just been a terrible 
nightmare. She searched his eyes for clues and found only Clark's 
need, his love for her. Maybe this was a dream. Of course, that 
was it! She'd had plenty of dreams of Clark lately. Erotic 
dreams. All these sensations running through her, they felt too 
brilliant to be real. And besides, Clark had been nothing but a 
gentleman. He'd never be leaning towards her, his lips parting. 
She closed the distance between them and sighed into his mouth. 
Oh yeah, this was definitely a dream. And one she was going to 
enjoy.

She moved closer to him, leaning into his strong frame as he 
rediscovered her lips. A moan escaped his lips and she devoured 
it, delving her tongue into his mouth. Her arms snaked around his 
neck and his hands came up to cup her face. She couldn't get 
enough of him. He was home! Clark was home. And right now he was 
doing the most wonderful things to her. The sensations searing 
through her were different this time. Better, more intense. After 
so long without him, it was like coming home again. 

She pushed him to lie down on the couch and straddled his hips. 
She lowered herself to capture his lips again. Needing to feel 
closer, needing to touch him, she unbuttoned his shirt. Her hands 
ran along his smooth hard muscles and he groaned. She smiled 
against his lips and kissed her way to his earlobe.

"Oh God, Lois."

"Oh, Clark! I'm so glad you're home."

His hands stopped abruptly where they'd been caressing her back. 
Something was wrong. They'd never stopped in her dreams. This 
wasn't a... Before the thought could finish in her head, she 
found herself sitting on the couch alone, bereft from the loss of 
both her dream and the warmth of his body.

"Oh my God, Lois. I...please forgive me. I'm so sorry...I 
thought...I wasn't thinking..."

She looked up at him, still stunned. He was pacing and running 
his hands through his hair. Somehow he'd lost his glasses and his 
shirt was hanging open, revealing a very familiar hard, sculpted 
chest. At that moment, he'd never looked more like Clark. "I..." 
she swallowed hard, "I think I should go."

"Lois, I'm so sorry. Please believe...I didn't mean for this to 
happen."

"I...uh...I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Lois barely remembered to grab her purse as she rushed for the 
door. She had to get out of here. Slamming the door securely 
behind her, she finally breathed. The cold night air hit her, 
erasing the last of the heat she'd felt moments ago. Oh, God. 
What had she done?

*** 

He watched the door slam shut. His heart was still racing. Oh, 
God. What had he done? She was practically a married woman. He'd 
almost thought this was another one of his dreams. But that was 
no excuse. He needed to be more disciplined. Where was his self-
restraint? How could he have let this happen? She'd probably 
never talk to him again. How could she ever trust him now?

He'd betrayed her trust. And over the past few weeks, he'd 
learned that with Lois Lane, trust was not something she gave 
easily. Aside from his delusions that he might have been brought 
here to fill Clark's void permanently, Clark had truly come to 
see Lois as a friend. Someone he could talk to about everything 
and anything, with the exception of his feelings for her. She 
understood him like no one else ever had, not even his parents. 
True, his parents hadn't gotten the chance to know the complex 
and hopeless man he'd become, but even still, he wasn't sure that 
they would have understood him like she did.

Lois knew everything about him, his past, his present, and the 
dismal future that awaited him back home. She empathized with 
him. She'd known his pain, when he'd recounted the tragic night 
of his parents' death and the helplessness he'd felt. When he'd 
mourned the loss of her counterpart and divulged the horrors he'd 
seen when he'd looked for her, she understood. *Her* soulmate was 
gone as well. She'd seen some of the hardships when she'd been in 
the Congo herself. And while she hadn't experienced the worst of 
what he'd witnessed, she'd often comforted her Clark after 
catastrophic disasters and rescues gone wrong. They both had the 
same feeling of apprehension and fear that their futures were 
destined to be bleak. They shared so much, yet they were so far 
apart.

And now, after what he'd done, they were even further apart.

*** 

When Lois got home, she had the urge to write in her journal. But 
she couldn't. Not if she planned on letting Clark read it 
someday. He couldn't know about this. It would kill him. If he 
ever came home alive. Lois sat on her bed and brought her knees 
up to her chest, hugging them tightly. She buried her head in her 
hands. Oh, God. How had she let that happen?

She tried to feel guilty, immoral for what she'd done to Clark. 
*Her* Clark. While she did feel guilty, she couldn't convince 
herself that what she'd done or felt was wrong. She could still 
feel him against her, his lips overwhelming her with his passion. 
Her mind told her it'd been wrong. Very wrong. But her body kept 
trying to convince her that it was only right. Her body didn't 
know the difference, that the man it wanted was *not* her fianc‚.

She'd never missed having sex before. She'd never craved it like 
she did now. True, her hormones were out of whack because of her 
pregnancy and probably contributing greatly to the problem, but 
it wasn't just sex that she was craving. It was that connection, 
that melding together of two souls. The feeling that she'd ever 
only felt a handful of times. With Clark.

Blaming herself wasn't really fair. Anyone would be confused in 
this situation, she guessed. Though she couldn't help but wonder 
what this connection she felt with Clark was about. Was it just 
because she was a Lois and he was a Clark? Was that all that was 
needed for a cosmic match? Did it matter that he wasn't *hers*? 
Had Clark ever really been hers to begin with? Maybe souls were 
shared between universes. The other Lois and who knew how many 
others including herself were really just one soul, mated with 
all the Clark Kents in existence. Was that why she felt so 
connected to this Clark? Or was she just comforted by the fact 
that he looked and acted so much like her own. She stared over at 
her nightstand at a picture of her and Clark. The faces were 
blurry and distorted. She whimpered as the tears rolled down her 
cheeks.

Had H.G. Wells known? Was he playing with the world like one 
cosmic jigsaw puzzle, finding missing pieces in different 
universes so he could have his precious picture of Utopia? She 
didn't think he'd be that cruel, but now she didn't know anymore. 
She didn't know anything. What if Wells never came back? What if 
Clark was never destined to come back and Wells had just been 
righting two wrongs? Her heart ached unbearably. Curling up under 
the covers, she tried in vain to drive away the cold that had 
leached into her soul.

***

They didn't say much to each other the following day. Lois had 
still picked him up for work, but they'd rode in uncomfortable 
silence on the way in. Now she was sitting at her desk, 
studiously ignoring him. And *he* couldn't concentrate. He was 
supposed to be getting more background information for their 
investigation on Mindy Church.

Their investigation.

Would she even want to work with him still? She'd mentioned it in 
passing this morning, but the fire he'd seen in her eyes from 
yesterday was gone. In fact, she'd been avoiding eye contact 
really, so he wasn't sure if she was still excited about the 
story or not. He couldn't imagine Lois *not* wanting to work on a 
story, but there really wasn't much for two people to do right 
now, so her ambivalence might not be towards the story. Just him.

Clark was at a loss. Did he apologize again? Or would she be too 
mad to listen? She hadn't spoken much to him today and certainly 
not about last night. He'd really screwed up this time. He'd 
worked hard over the past few days to earn her trust and now he'd 
thrown it all away in one stupid moment. She must hate him.

There had to be a way to make it right. To let her see that she 
could trust him again. But to tell the truth, he wasn't so sure 
she *should* trust him. He didn't trust himself. Not when 
everything in his being was telling him that she belonged to him 
was his. An image of Tarzan and Jane popped into his head 
briefly, but that wasn't what he meant. It was like Lois was his 
other half. Like this silly notion of soulmates that he'd never 
taken much stock of until now. Lois completed him like no one 
else had even come close to doing. Even still, he knew it wasn't 
right. He was just confused. Lois wasn't his any more 
than...well...any more than "his" Lois might have been Clark's. 
He just didn't belong in this universe. Unfortunately, he was 
stuck here.

He wondered what H.G. Wells had been thinking. Was this all part 
of his plan? For him to fall for Lois? Was Clark not coming back? 
Was he supposed to stay here and take his place permanently? At 
first, that notion had seemed foolish, fantastical. But as the 
weeks went by, he couldn't help but think that maybe it wasn't so 
foolish. He looked over at Lois, busily typing away at her desk. 
Or maybe foolish was exactly what it was. There was no way that 
she'd fall for him. She loved her Clark too much. He couldn't 
blame her for that. Her enduring love almost gave him hope that 
the same kind of love could exist for him. That is, if his Lois 
hadn't died.

No, he couldn't...wouldn't be the one to tarnish that bond. Or 
Clark's memory, if it turned out that's all that remained of him.

So, while it really hurt to have Lois shut him out like this, it 
helped too. He'd have some time to cool off, so to speak. And it 
also gave him time to force his mind and body into agreement. His 
libido had to understand what they'd begun last night could not, 
under any circumstances, be finished.

Ever.

Now, he just had to figure out how to get them back on speaking 
terms with one another. Surely they couldn't go on like this for 
long. They still had the fa‡ade to uphold. They were still 
supposed to be a happily engaged couple. Not to mention, with 
Lois's expanding figure, they'd have to announce their "happy" 
news soon.

Lois was busy at her computer, trying conscientiously to ignore 
Clark. After last night, she wasn't so sure she could trust 
herself around him anymore. This morning she'd woken up from a 
disturbing dream. Clark had made love to her tirelessly and 
afterwards, he held her tight and told her how happy he was that 
she'd let him take Clark's place. She'd opened her eyes, relieved 
to find that it'd only been a dream.

How could she betray Clark like she had? While she conceded that 
her confusion had been understandable, she still felt like she'd 
been cheating on her fianc‚, especially when they *had* continued 
in her dream. Not many people - if she'd been able to tell them 
the situation - would fault her. She had believed it was her 
Clark she was kissing. Or rather, she'd thought she'd been 
dreaming. But what if she hadn't uttered the words that had 
halted Clark in his tracks? What if he hadn't stopped? Would they 
have continued? Would she have cheated on Clark?

She just didn't know. And that was what was killing her. Was it 
loneliness that had caused her lapse? She'd thought their 
connection was special, that she'd recognize Clark just by the 
way their souls connected. There was an amazing feeling of 
rightness every time she and Clark had kissed or even just if 
they were sharing an intimate dinner. Wasn't that supposed to be 
unique to her and Clark? The thought that it might not be; broke 
her heart. What if she was right and H.G. Wells had really 
brought the other Clark here to take his place...permanently? 
What if this soulmates idea wasn't meant to be restricted to one 
universe?

And if that *was* true, who did HG Wells think he was? 
Interfering with the universe and *her* life? What right did he 
have? Did he get a kick out of playing God? Was he on some 
fantastical power trip? If she ever saw that insufferable little 
man again, he'd better watch out. Why couldn't he have just left 
well enough alone? Was it really so bad if there wasn't a Utopia? 
Lois sure as heck didn't care; she wouldn't be here to see it. 
And who's to say her descendants wouldn't better the world just 
because Clark's secret got out? In her opinion, Wells had only 
complicated her life more. Made it infinitely more miserable. And 
what about Clark? He'd been ripped from his home and his friends 
and dumped here. She knew how unhappy he was. She could tell this 
was killing him inside. HG Wells was a despicable, horrible man. 
He'd be getting more than a piece of her mind if and when he came 
back for Clark.

She let out an aggravated sigh. This whole situation was too 
confusing and infuriating to contemplate. At least without 
depressing her more than she already was. She had to focus on 
something else. Her computer screen stared back at her blankly. 
Clark was doing the research on Mindy Church and there wasn't too 
much she could help with at this point. That was almost a 
blessing though, because she didn't' think she could be near 
Clark right now. Unfortunately, that left her with nothing to do. 
She'd already finished up the fluff piece Perry had given her for 
the day. Maybe if she browsed through her old story notes, she'd 
find something. Anything. She chanced a quick glance a Clark; he 
was still talking to Jimmy. Well, at least he'd found a friend in 
all this mess.

Scrolling through the files in her notes folder, her breath 
caught when she got to the 'c's. There was no document simply 
named, "Congo." Impulsively, she clicked on it. Their universes 
were different, but she and this other Lois had obviously both 
gone to the Congo for a gunrunning story back in '93. Maybe she 
could retrace her steps and find where and if she'd escaped the 
other Lois's fate.

There were a few holes in her notes, but she'd narrowed it down 
to two situations in which she might have...not made it. There 
had been one night outside of Brazzaville that she'd narrowly 
escaped getting shot by one of the guerilla soldiers. She'd had 
to hide herself out in the forest that night with nothing but her 
jacket and the few essentials she'd kept in her knapsack. Maybe 
the other Lois had taken a different turn while running and had 
gotten shot. Or caught. If she had, she was probably dead.

Those men didn't take prisoners; they executed. She'd been held 
captive for a few terrifying days. If she hadn't escaped when she 
did and led the local authorities back to their bunker, she was 
sure she'd be dead. That's what they had promised her from what 
she'd been able to decipher. But for all she really knew, they 
did take captives. Maybe her counterpart *had* been held prisoner 
and later escaped, going into hiding so that they wouldn't find 
her. Maybe she hadn't had that same contact in Brazzaville that 
had gotten her safely home. There was a chance she was still out 
there, hiding, laying low. And if she knew anything, Lois Lane 
would make herself impossible to find, even for a man with super 
powers. That meant if her counterpart was alive, she would be the 
only one who could find her. She paused...or at least it was up 
to her to give Clark the leads he hadn't had in the past. She 
felt it was the least she could do after all he'd sacrificed and 
endured because of her.

She looked over at him and found him staring at her intently. He 
looked away quickly and suddenly found whatever it was on his 
computer screen fascinating. She moved her eyes back to her own 
screen, though hers wasn't quite so interesting anymore.

What must he think of her? Granted, she'd thought she'd been 
dreaming, but he hadn't known that was how it started. He must 
feel so used. She'd gotten him all worked up and tossed...well, 
no, he'd stopped them. But because of what she'd said. He'd been 
caught up in the moment until she'd reminded him that he wasn't 
the one she really wanted. She'd probably broken his heart. Or at 
least bruised his ego. How were they supposed to go back to the 
way they were? Sure, their relationship had been odd to say the 
least, but it hadn't been this awkward. She should apologize to 
him.

As soon as she *didn't* have the urge to...have her way with him.

By now, everyone in the newsroom probably thought they were 
fighting. Well fine, they were used to that. Right? Who knew, 
maybe it would get that ridiculous idea of marriage out of their 
heads. At least for a while. Lois bit her lip in an effort to 
hold back the tears that threatened at the thought. She knew for 
certain that they'd never take the ruse that far. But it brou