By Mary Potts, AKA Queen of the Capes <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: March 2005
Summary: Can Lois figure out the mystery of why her normally well-behaved son has suddenly trashed her kitchen? Read on and find out!
Lois Lane Kent entered her kitchen, her arms loaded with bags of groceries — which she promptly dropped, along with her jaw, as she took in the scene before her.
The door of the refrigerator was hanging open, revealing that there was absolutely *nothing* inside of it. The table and counters were littered with empty chip bags, cracker boxes, and condiment bottles. The floor was splattered with eggs. Most astonishing of all, though, was the sight of Superman leaning back in one of the chairs, his bright red boots on the table, munching on the contents of a container that had been in the back of the fridge for as long as anyone in the family could remember!
He looked up at her and grinned. "Hi, Mom."
If looks could kill, Lois' son would have been a smoldering pile of ashes, invulnerability or not. She glared at CJ, her face turning slowly from crimson to a deep purple. "Clark Jonathan Kent! Just what the@#$%! is going on and what the@%$#!!!! happened to my kitchen?!!!"
CJ blinked. "What do you mean?"
"What do I mean?!" she fumed. "I can't believe this! First of all, buster, what happened to all the food?"
"I guess I ate it all."
"And *why* did you do that?"
He shrugged. "I was hungry."
Lois stared at him in disbelief. "Okay, and why is the floor covered in raw eggs?"
"Freaky, isn't it?" He grinned.
"What do you mean?" she asked, her concern growing.
"Did you ever notice that eggs always land with the *yellow* part *up*?"
He spoke this as if it was one of the gravest and most profound of life's mysteries. Lois put a hand to his forehead.
"CJ, are you all right? Have you come into contact with any strange, glowing rocks recently?"
CJ burst out laughing. "Nah, Mom, I feel fine!"
"Well, just in case, I want you to go to bed and try to sleep off whatever it is that's gotten into you."
"At three in the afternoon?"
"Go! Now!" Lois pointed in the direction of the stairs.
CJ shrugged and complied. He rose from his seat and — swaying slightly — trekked up the stairs to his room, only pausing to let his mother know that she seemed to be really uptight for some reason.
Lois sighed and went into the living room where she flopped down on the sofa. She reached for the remote and turned on the news, hoping to gain some insight into her son's unusual behavior. Fortunately, LNN came through for her. She picked up the phone and called her husband.
"Clark, what are you doing?"
"I'm just editing a couple of fluff pieces, nothing too important. Why?"
"I need you to come home and talk to your son."
"Uh oh. Why? What did he do?"
"It's not like that," Lois said. "I just want you two to come up with an alternative to inhaling all the smoke and blowing it into the atmosphere when there's a serious fire."
Clark's confusion was evident. "Whatever for?"
"Let's just say it involves a recent inferno at the California Medical Marijuana Plantation."