By Anna Botsakou <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: July 2005
Summary: Written for the *Ultra* *Mega* *Super* *Evil* Scavenger Hunt, a night where Lois and Clark face some of their worst nightmares. Includes a special guest appearance by Barbas, the villain from "Charmed."
This fic was written for the *Ultra* *Mega* *Super* *Evil* Scavenger Hunt, which can be found here: http://www.lcficmbs.com/cgi- bin/boards/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000429 . It's kind of weird, but in a good way. (Or so I hope.)
Includes a special guest appearance by Barbas, the villain from Charmed. (He's the demon of fear, if you're unfamiliar with the show.)
Any feedback would be appreciated.
Tempus walked menacingly towards Clark, waving a Superman doll.
"Hehehe!" he cackled. "Looks so cute and harmless, doesn't it, Supey? But look what happens, when I pinch it with this tiny little needle!"
Before Clark had a chance to do anything, Tempus pinched the doll on the chest. Clark gasped for breath, as his ears began buzzing with the creepiest sounds, like nails on a chalkboard or metals brushing together. His vision blurred, until everything went black.
He awoke with a start, hearing a booming thunder make its presence clear to his ears. His sudden movement did not seem to affect Lois, who was still soundly asleep beside him.
He took some deep breaths and that eased the tense feelings the nightmare gave him. However, he didn't feel sleepy anymore, so he decided to go grab a bite, in case his empty stomach was to blame for this.
Once in the kitchen, he turned on the light and searched for something to eat. He had barely opened the fridge door when lightning struck and the lights went out.
Clark frowned and continued his search in the dark, when his superhearing picked up some noise coming from the garden. He hurried to open the door, and he gaped at what he found there.
It was as if the yard had turned to a farm. Hens, ducks, even a couple of goats were cheering four bearded pigs, which were standing on the stoop playing music; the first one was playing the guitar, the second one was using two melons as drums, the third one was doing backing vocals, and the fourth one was singing:
"Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game…"
"Ahem," Clark tried to draw their attention.
The concert paused and the lead singer turned to Clark.
"Oh, hi, Mr. Kent. Did we wake you up?"
"No, not really," he said, kinda puzzled. Who are you?
"We are the 'Shark Repellent'. Do you like our name?"
Clark blinked. "Well, it is… inventive."
"We invite you to our concert, if you are interested in watching."
"Thank you, but… I think I should go to bed. Have… umm… fun."
He closed the door, shook his head and headed to the bedroom, forgetting all about his empty stomach.
About an hour later, it was Lois's turn to be woken up by thunder. As she opened her eyes, she caught a glimpse of the mirror on the opposite wall and thought she saw a black cat crossing the room. Carefully, in order not to wake up Clark, she walked to the direction the supposed cat had followed.
She reached the bedroom door. It was closed, but Lois was convinced she had seen a black cat. Maybe it was a ghost, and it had walked through the door? In any event, Lois opened the door and went downstairs in search of it.
She was already down the stairs and ready to switch on the light, when she noticed two shadowy figures standing in the far corner of the room, talking in whispers. They seemed oblivious to her presence. She forced her eyes to make out their faces, when a lightning striking outside made it much easier for her.
"You see," Barbas was explaining to Lex Luthor, "her greatest fear is that you'll come alive again."
Oh, no! Lex was back from the dead? Or the undead, whatever? What was she supposed to do? How to kill a demon and someone who was supposed to be dead a long time ago?
'Garlic,' she thought. She silently rushed to the kitchen. Where did they keep the garlic? In the fridge? No, wait! The left cupboard. She opened it, but it was too dark to look inside. She tried to feel the contents. Nothing that felt like garlic, but there was an onion. It would have to do.
She went into the living-room and slapped the light switch on. Darn it! No lights? Whatever.
"Don't move!" she yelled. "I'm armed!"
"Oh, Lois," Barbas said, waving his hands in a dizzying way. "You're here."
"Of course I'm here, it's my house. Get away!"
"As disappointing as this might be, we will stay for a while," he said.
"Lois, my dear," Luthor spoke up, "aren't you happy to see me?" He took a step towards her.
"You know I'm not! Back off!"
The lights went on, blinding everyone in the room. When they all opened their eyes again, Clark, dressed as Superman, had joined them in the room.
"Okay, the party's over, people," he said, his posture serious.
"Oh," Luthor said. "Superman. Or should I say Clark? I have something for you."
With that, he dug in his pocket and retrieved a bronze chunk of stone.
"What is that?" Lois asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Kryptonite," Luthor explained. "A special breed just for our good friend."
Lois turned to Clark, to see if he was being affected in any way. He seemed fine, for the moment.
"It has a small range," Luthor said. "But see now!"
He took a few steps closer. Gradually, Superman began changing color, until he became a stone statue.
"Oh, no!" Lois exclaimed! "You're gonna pay for this, Luthor!"
"Oh, yes?" he mocked. "Cash or credit?"
"Don't play fool with me! You haven't seen revenge until you've seen what I can do with…" She reached for something to hit Luthor with, and her hand grasped the monkey statuette Jill had given her and Clark as a present for their second anniversary. "…this monkey!" she finished her sentence and attacked Luthor. Thankfully for her, Luthor still wasn't in full shape from being magically revived, so he couldn't fight back. She easily gave him a hard blow on the head with the statuette and blood started streaming down his hair and dripping on the carpet.
Now that Luthor wasn't a danger anymore, Lois focused on Barbas. Funnily enough, the demon of fear looked quite terrified by now.
"Don't hit me," he said, breathing heavily. "It's me, Wilfred."
"Clark's long lost cousin."
Lois contemplated that for just a second, before threateningly revealing both the monkey statuette and the onion she had been holding. "Clark is an alien, he doesn't have cousins."
"Well, I'm Jonathan's brother's son. Thirteen years ago I got lost in a forest; a demon found me and turned me to the dark side."
"Yeah, right," Lois humphed in disbelief. "Look, mister, I will let you go, if you tell me how to revive Clark."
"Oh, no, I came here to make your biggest fear come true, and now that you killed Luthor, your biggest fear is…" He read the palm of his head. "…that Clark will stay stoned forever. So, let's have a deal." He reached inside his pocket and got a pair of dice. "You win, and I tell you how to free Clark. You lose, and he stays like this."
"Okay," she reluctantly said. She dropped her weapons and Barbas handed her the dice.
"Your biggest fear is that you'll lose," he whispered in her ear, as she concentrated on the dice.
"Oh, shut up."
She threw the dice on the table. Four and five.
"Not bad," the demon said. "My turn now."
He threw the dice. Four and three.
"I won!" Lois almost did a flip-flop. "Now tell me how to revive Clark."
"Oh, he'll be just fine once I get this Kryptonite out of here." Then, Barbas slowly snatched the Kryptonite, held Luthor's hand and then flamed away, taking them with him.
Lois grimaced. "Should've thought." However, her frown turned to a smile, as she watched Clark now gradually turn back to normal.
"Oh, Clark, you're alive again!" She fell in his arms, burying her face in his neck.
"Yes, honey, I'm here. Alive."
"Oh, what a night."
"And you didn't even get to see what I got to see," he grinned.
"What did you see?"
"Oh. A concert."
"In the middle of the night?"
"Yeah. You wouldn't imagine how many domestic animals you can find in Metropolis."