By Sam Jackson <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: December 2004
Summary: Due to a run-in with Kryptonite, Clark becomes susceptible to…alcohol? A night drinking with Jimmy causes some unexpected consequences for Clark.
The idea for this story came after I read 'Tea-totaled' by AnnieM and Kathy Brown for about the fifth time (It's a fantastic story by the way!) and got to thinking that although there are quite a few stories about Lois getting slightly the worse for wear, there's not many about Clark (one exception being another Kathy Brown story — 'Wine Wine Wine' — also fantastic!). So I decided to write one!
With thanks to Molly for being so helpful to a random stranger, and everyone who sent me feedback on my first story. You guys gave me the confidence to have another go at this writing thing! And last but certainly not least, Erin for GE-ing! ;)
Clark Kent paused as he strode through the newsroom. Although it was still early the place was fairly busy, and it sounded like Jimmy had come in to get an early start as well. Not that Clark was there by design really; he'd been out on the freeway clearing an early morning pile-up and had decided it wasn't worth going home before coming to the Planet. So he had flown straight in, cleaned himself up down in the locker rooms, and had only just come up into the newsroom.
Surreptitiously, he finished adjusting his tie and turned to face Jimmy as the young researcher strolled towards him. <Strolled? Clark thought to himself. This couldn't be good, Jimmy usually only had two speeds — top or supersonic. As his friend got closer, Clark could see he definitely wasn't his usual exuberant self.
"Morning Jim, what's up?" he asked. <Girl trouble. Go on, bet you; it's got to be girl trouble.
"Well, you know I've been dating Helen from accounts? The *really* hot blonde one?"
<I knew it! Clark shook his head slightly and mentally told himself to shut up.
"Yeah sure, I know her," he replied.
"Man, it's being going great, you know? We've been out for dinner, went to see a movie, had a picnic in the park, all getting along nicely. But then, last night, I…"
"Olsen! Olsen, get over here! Judas Priest, that boy is never around when you need him!" Perry's booming voice thundered across the bullpen, interrupting their conversation.
"Oh man, I'd better go see what he wants, CK." Jimmy started scuttling over towards the editor's office. "Coming Chief!" he yelled.
Clark, seeing how downcast his friend still looked, called out to him. "Hey, Jim? We'll talk later, yeah? Maybe go for a beer after work?"
"Sure CK, sounds good!" Jimmy shouted back over his shoulder before entering the office.
Clark grinned to himself as he heard the opening strains of his boss's tirade before the door swung shut behind poor Jimmy. He carried on over towards the coffee machine, poured himself and Lois a cup each, and bagged two of the best doughnuts, before heading towards their desks, ready for the day ahead. His partner <and very-early-days-but-isn't-it-fantastic girlfriend, he reminded himself with a wide grin, would be in soon and they had a lot of work to get through.
As it turned out, they didn't even get half the day's work done before being interrupted by the third member of their partnership. Just before lunch, Clark had overheard a radio broadcast, reporting that there was an armed bank robbery involving hostages downtown and that the police were appealing for Superman's help. He'd made his excuses to Lois and flown straight there. However, that was when things started to go wrong. He had made his way into the bank, planning to negotiate carefully and disarm the two raiders at Super-speed if he got the chance, but as soon as they saw him, one of them produced a lead box containing kryptonite.
Clark had immediately crashed to the ground, and spent thirty long minutes near the evil rock before one of the hostages had distracted the thieves, giving him the chance to use his last reserves of strength to knock the weapon out of the second guy's hands. The police took the opportunity, and stormed in without delay. They apprehended the men and removed the kryptonite, but by then, Clark had already lost his powers.
Of course, that meant he had to go get changed, cleaned up, and make his way back to the Planet under his own steam, which in turn meant he had been gone for nearly three hours. And he'd told Lois he was just popping out to get some lunch. Oops. Boy, was she mad when he finally did get back. Especially since he'd forgot lunch after all! Facing Lois Lane without superpowers was something he was not planning on doing very often. Although she was kinda cute when she ranted… <Don't go there, Kent he told himself sternly.
To be fair to Lois, she had calmed down when she had seen how rough he looked. She was sure he was ill, and fussed round him like his mother would. She'd even suggested that he should go home for the afternoon, take it easy and have an early night. But Clark hadn't wanted to leave her with all the work they still had left to do, nor let Jimmy down later. He knew he'd be ok, the exposure hadn't been long enough to do serious damage and his powers should be returning soon. He couldn't help thinking how much easier it would be if Lois knew *the* secret. Then he could have explained all this to her, and maybe she wouldn't have been so worried. But anyway, he had managed to assure her he would be fine, so he'd stayed at work and was just finishing up his last piece when Jimmy appeared.
"Hey CK, still on for that beer?" the researcher asked.
"Sure, Jimmy, just give me five minutes and I'll be finished up here," Clark replied. "Unless you need my help with anything, Lois?" he called over to her.
"No, I'm good. In fact, I'm now officially all done!" she said with a grin as she hit the key to send her last story to Perry. Lois stood up and started to gather her belongings. She closed down her computer, and walked over to Clark's desk. Leaning on his shoulders, she made a show of reading his screen.
"Well, partner, that looks okay, so I guess I can head off! You guys have fun."
"We will, Lois!" Jimmy told her.
Lois dropped her voice to a whisper, and tightened her arms closer around Clark. "Don't you overdo it, Kent, okay? You're still looking sick…"
"I won't, Lois, I promise. I'm feeling a lot better now anyway." It was true; he was feeling better, although his powers still hadn't returned.
"Okay then. Call me later?" she asked.
"Yeah, I will," he replied.
"Bye then!" and she dropped a quick kiss on his lips before disappearing off towards the elevators.
"Man, CK, you are a lucky guy," piped up Jimmy as they watched her leave.
"I know, Jim, I know."
"…so not only was her apartment flooding quicker than I could get towels down, her cat wouldn't come down from the lampshade and the curtain rail was jammed behind the fridge." Jimmy shook his head in dismay. "I mean, how was I supposed to explain that?"
Clark made a conscious effort to pick his jaw up off the table. How was Jimmy supposed to explain? He had no idea! Even after hearing the explanation, he wasn't sure it was humanly possible to create so much havoc in such a short space of time, so he couldn't imagine how poor Helen must have reacted! Thankfully, it didn't seem Jimmy actually expected an answer to his question, as he carried on sorrowfully.
"And now, I doubt she'll even want to see me again, never mind speak to me so that I can apologise."
Clark seized the opportunity to jump in and try and help the younger man. "Look, Jim, it seems to me like all this trouble came from you trying to impress her, right?" he asked.
Jimmy nodded mournfully.
"Well, that's your problem. You just need to be yourself. She obviously likes you enough to go out with you, so just take it from there. You don't need to be constantly trying to *show* her what a great guy you are, just relax and let her see it for herself."
Jimmy considered that for a moment. "I guess you're right, CK. But I just can't help thinking that if I'm just me, then she might find me a little…dorky. I mean, when I took her to that ball at the Lexor, she really had a great time, you know? Dressing up, meeting all those cool people, the slap-up meal…"
"Yeah, but those tickets cost you an entire month's pay packet! You can't keep that up, and I'd be willing to bet she had just as much fun when you took her to the ball game, right?"
"True. And I definitely had more fun! I suppose if she doesn't like me for who I am, then she's not worth it anyway, is she?"
"Exactly!" Clark said, feeling pleased he'd finally got through to his friend.
"Except that she is worth it! I mean, man, have you seen her?" Jimmy's eyed widened as he pictured the latest woman of his dreams.
<Perhaps not then! Clark thought wryly to himself.
"Hey, is that how you finally got together with Lois then, CK? By being yourself?" Jimmy suddenly piped up.
Clark took another draught of his beer as he contemplated the question. Truth be told, he didn't know how exactly he and Lois had got together. It had just kind of…happened. And that was why it was so great; it was like things between them were just meant to be. For Clark, it had never been a question of if, but simply when.
He supposed they had become gradually closer and closer over the past year and a bit, so now it just seemed that they had taken the next logical step. Of course, it had taken long enough to get there, what with crackpot millionaires, assorted crooks, villains and maniacs, with the odd blonde attorney or greasy D.E.A agent thrown in for good measure. Not to mention a certain big guy in tights…
But looking back, he wouldn't have changed any of that. Lois needed that time to get used to letting him in. She didn't trust easily and wouldn't open her heart to just anyone. He had slowly won her over, first through their work, then moving onto friendship and eventually that had evolved into…more.
And it wasn't just Lois who had needed time. Although Clark had always been sure of his feelings, the slow approach had suited him too. With becoming Superman, starting at the Planet, getting used to the big city and everything that came with it, it probably wouldn't have been a good idea to put a new relationship into that mixer as well. His life was crazy enough back then without Hurricane Lois being too deeply involved. But the easy friendship they had developed fitted perfectly. And now it was providing an even more perfect background to their flourishing relationship. He'd never been happier, and he had a sneaking suspicion neither had Lois.
Obviously there was still the question of how he was going to tell her about Superman, but even that was something he feared less now. In fact, he was looking forward to it. Finally being able to share *everything* about himself and his origins with someone special was what Clark had dreamt of all his life. Now he knew — Lois was that someone. So he'd tell her soon, and then there would be nothing stopping them from moving on. Sure, she'd be mad <make that furious! to start with, but he was confident they could work through it together. Yup, life in Clark Kent's garden was looking pretty rosy at the moment!
"Yo, CK!" Jimmy's voice rudely interrupted his pleasant thoughts.
"Huh, sorry, what?" Clark asked, trying to remember what he was supposed to be talking about.
"You and Lois! Did you win her over by being yourself?"
"I like to think so, Jimmy. Lois and I, we just…work. I love her for just being who she is, and I guess it's the same for her. I don't have to try hard to impress her, because I know she's already impressed by me as I am."
"That's sounds great, CK. I'm really happy for you both," Jimmy said.
<Yup, impressed by you and not the guy in the flashy blue suit anymore! came that little voice in the back of Clark's mind, <and isn't that a terrific feeling?
Can't argue with that, he grinned to himself.
<Though love is an interesting word, Kent. You'll tell Jimmy you love Lois, but you haven't told her yet.
That was very true. That was another item on the 'things I must tell Lois soon' list. Along with the whole Superman business and the fact he'd borrowed her best ballpoint pen and wasn't a hundred percent sure where it was now. Probably a good idea to go with the 'I love you, Lois' thing first, he mused. Might make the other two less painful. <For me that is, he suddenly thought with a chuckle. <Heh, less painful for me, when I'm Superman! Clark gave another small chuckle.
Whoa! Clark shook himself as he noticed Jimmy looking strangely at him. <Jeez, where did that come from? Not only was that not funny, it was entirely random. The alcohol must be having an effect on him, after his earlier exposure to kryptonite.
<Right. Take it easy. he told himself firmly as he drained the last of his beer.
"Another one?" Jimmy asked, noticing the empty bottle.
"Ahh…I don't know Jim…" he replied. He was feeling a little light headed, whether that was the novelty of alcohol affecting him, or if his head was still spinning from Jimmy's explanation of the events of last night he didn't know. But maybe it would be safer to just have a soda.
"Go on, that's only your third. I've seen you have more than that plenty of times. Besides, this one's my shout…"
"Okay then, one more Jim, but that's it for me."
"Hey, Jimbo? Why is research called research? 'Cos 're' is, like, do something again again. But research isn't searching something again. 'Cos you've only just done it. 'Cos you didn't know something. So you looked for it. Not twice though, you see? Not like redo or rerun or resss…"
Clark tailed off as he noticed a drip of condensation roll down the side of his bottle. Carefully, he pushed it back up the bottle and onto the tip of his finger, before wiping it on Jimmy's shirt.
Jimmy looked puzzled. "I dunno. Maybe it's because someone's already done it, but you just have to find it again. So it is *re*search," he suggested, with a sudden flash of inspiration.
"Yeah! That must be it! Wow, Jim, you're smart. You should be a reporter. Hey, like me and Lois are! You remember Lois, don't you?"
"Yeah, CK, I know Lois," Jimmy replied in a worn voice. Clark had been talking about Lois virtually non-stop for the past two hours. It seemed the more he drank, the more he talked about her. Okay, so Jimmy truly was glad that his friend was so happy, but jeez, give a guy a break!
"Don't you think she's pretty? Really pretty. Really, *really* pretty," Clark went on.
"Sure, Clark." Jimmy rolled his eyes.
"She's pretty like…little baby ducks… no… flowers! Flowers are pretty, aren't they? Not as pretty as Lois though," Clark said dreamily.
Right, that was it. If Clark was going to start talking about ducklings and flowers, then Jimmy was getting out of there. His friend was obviously completely drunk. He himself was slightly merry, but not *that* far gone!
"You know what, CK? We should probably get going, it's getting late."
"Really? But I haven't finished my drink yet!"
"That's alright, you can leave that little bit. To be fair, it is your…" He broke off. Just how many had Clark had? He couldn't remember. No more than he himself had had, but it seemed to have affected the older man more. Strange, alcohol had never seemed to have much of an effect on Clark before. "Well, I don't actually know what number it is, but you've had a lot. I'm sure you won't miss that extra two mouthfuls!"
Jimmy stood up, ready to leave. Clark did the same, but as soon as his feet were on the floor, he staggered to one side and had to grab the table to stay upright.
"Whoops!" Clark exclaimed gleefully.
Jimmy groaned in despair. How was he going to get Clark home in this state? He was a big guy; it wasn't like Jimmy could hold him up. They'd have to get a cab. Cautiously, he shepherded Clark in the direction of the door and out onto the street.
As soon as they were outside, Clark immediately started walking off down the street. Well, perhaps walk would be the wrong word. 'Stumble' was a better description.
"CK, where are you going?" Jimmy called after him, jogging slightly to catch up to him.
"Home, James!" came the reply as Clark carefully circumnavigated a lamppost.
"But you don't live in that direction!" Jimmy said despairingly. How the heck was he supposed to get Clark home? They'd probably end up miles out of their way before he could even turn him round! He couldn't see a cab anywhere, and if he left Clark to use a payphone he probably wouldn't find him again.
Suddenly, an idea came to him. Lois lived not far up this way. Lois, who owned a jeep. No, he couldn't take Clark to Lois. No. She'd be furious with both of them if they turned up on her doorstep expecting a lift home at this time. Not to mention how she'd react upon seeing Clark in such a…merry mood. <Definitely not a good idea, Jim, he told himself as he steeled himself to turn Clark round and walk him all the way to his own apartment.
"Clark! Hey, you need to…" Jimmy never finished his sentence, as at that precise moment, Clark tripped on the kerb and fell flat on his face. <Oh no…
Jimmy knelt down by his friend's side. "Are you okay, CK?"
Clark rolled over and started to laugh. <I'm guessing that's a yes then, thought Jimmy.
"Come on, let's get you up," he said, standing. Clark grasped the offered hand, and tried to pull himself to his feet. Jimmy's arm was nearly jerked out of its socket by the unexpected weight. Steadying himself, he pulled harder. "Jeez, have you got bricks or something in those pockets, man?" he asked. Even for a big guy, Clark was *heavy*.
Finally, with the help of Jimmy and a nearby mailbox, Clark was back on his feet. But Jimmy had made up his mind. Forget how mad Lois would be, he couldn't heave Clark all the way back to his own apartment. He began to lead off in the direction of Carter Avenue.
Looking up at Lois' apartment building, Jimmy could see her lights were still on. Thank God for that. At least they wouldn't be waking her up.
"Hey, are we going to see Lois?" Clark exclaimed, finally cottoning on to where they were.
"Shushhh, keep your voice down! Yeah, we are, but seriously CK, shut up! It's getting late you know. People are trying to sleep!"
"Oh, okay!" Clark replied in a stage whisper. "But that's great! I need to tell her something! No, no, I need to tell her three things!"
"Okay, well you do that, and then she can take you home."
"Hey, we should go in through the window! Then we won't wake everybody up!" Clark suggested, still whispering.
"Yeah, sure CK, I'm guessing you've got a ladder tucked away in your back pocket, right?"
"No, I go through the window all the time!" Clark informed him. "But I don't use a ladder."
"You know, I think we'll be fine just using the front door, as long as we're quiet, Jimmy replied. Sheesh, Clark did come out with some weird things when he was drunk!
As they walked up to Lois' apartment Jimmy could hear Clark mumbling under his breath.
"Lois, I love you, but I lost your pen and I'm…what was the other thing? There's three things I'm supposed to say. Not two."
Jimmy rolled his eyes. He thought Clark had sobered up a bit in the cool night air, but obviously not. Still, soon it would be Lois's problem!
"Yes, I can see he's drunk, but I still don't understand why you bought him here!" Lois Lane snapped as she watched Clark bounce up and down on the sofa, from her position near the door with Jimmy.
"Lois, in case you haven't noticed, your boyfriend is built like a truck and is probably twice as heavy! How was I supposed to get him home in this state? I thought you could just take him back in your jeep," Jimmy replied.
"What am I, your personal cab driver?" she asked in an exasperated tone.
"I couldn't find a cab! And I was so busy looking out for CK, I didn't have time to ring for one!" he explained.
"So, you thought, 'Hey Lois has a sad life; she's probably got nothing better to do, so she can take us home!'" Lois, in reality, didn't have anything better to do, except for watching old soppy movies, but Jimmy didn't need to know that.
"Yeah…no! I'm sorry, I just…"
"Oh shut up, and come on!"
Lois shoved Jimmy out through the door, picked up her jacket and car keys, and shouted over to Clark.
"Hey Kent! Let's get moving!"
Clark looked puzzled and didn't move. "But I need to talk to you Lois," he said.
"Tomorrow, Clark, you can talk to me all you want tomorrow,"
"No, I've got three things I need to tell you," Clark replied, holding up four fingers. "Please talk to me now?"
Jimmy poked his head back round the door. "Hey, Lois, I can walk home if you guys need some time alone?" he told her as he winked at Clark. Clark nodded and turned to Lois, pleading silently.
"No, Jim, that's fine, I can talk to Clark tomorrow," she said quickly. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Clark, but she had never seen him drunk before. She hoped he wasn't one of those over-amorous drunks, or she would be forced to practise some of her new judo moves. And that could put a dampener on any budding romance.
"It's no trouble, Lois, honestly!" Jimmy said.
She looked over at Clark, who was gazing at her with those puppy dog eyes of his. Lois sighed. She couldn't resist that look. "Okay, thanks Jim. I'll see you tomorrow," she told her young colleague. "But you and I will be having a long talk about why exactly Clark has ended up in this state!"
Jimmy gulped and said his goodbyes as Lois closed the door behind him. Great. Ten minutes ago, she was happily working her way though a jumbo bag of popcorn during her soppy movie marathon, and now she had to deal with a drunken boyfriend instead. Maybe she could sort out whatever was on Clark's mind quickly, run him home, and still watch the end of the last film.
"So, Clark, what did you want to say to me?" she asked, sitting down beside him on the sofa.
"Hey Lois! You know, we should go dancing!" he replied.
"Dancing! I haven't danced with you for ages!"
"Right. Well sure, we can do that," Lois told him with a raised eyebrow. So this was what he was like drunk! It was a bit of a surprise how the normally fairly reserved man had turned into…an enthusiastic kid!
"Great! Now?" he said, pulling her up onto her feet.
"Whoa, hang on, Clark, we can't go anywhere now…" she tried to protest, but by the time she got the words out, she was being held close by Clark as he swayed round the coffee table. "Okay then, I guess we can dance here," she murmured. Actually, she was quite enjoying it. Clark wasn't a typical clumsy drunk; he was being very gentle, and although his movements were slightly unsteady, he hadn't stepped on her. Yet.
"So, is this what you wanted talk to me about? Dancing?" she asked him.
"Huh?" came the reply.
"You had three things to tell me, remember? Is this one of them?"
"Oh yeah!" Clark's face lit up as he remembered. "No, it wasn't dancing. But I like dancing with you. You're so beautiful."
Lois found herself blushing. <Turns out Clark is quite the charmer when he's had a drink, she thought to herself.
"Thank you," she replied. "So what *did* you want to tell me?"
Clark stopped dancing and let her go. "Three things. But I can't remember the third one," he said, looking quite perturbed at that fact.
"That's okay, you can just tell me the other two now, and tell me that one later," she reassured him.
"Okay. Number one. I needed to tell you this 'cos I told Jimmy, and then I realised I hadn't told you, and I thought I should tell you, 'cos I want to make sure you know." Clark paused in the middle of his speech. "I did tell you how beautiful you are, didn't I?" he asked.
<And he thinks *I* babble? Lois thought to herself. "Yes, you did," she confirmed.
"Good. Not like baby ducks, though, like flowers," he informed her, ignoring the bewildered look she threw him. "Anyway, I wanted to say that you're beautiful, and intelligent, and funny, and kind, and clever, and you make me happy. I love you, Lois."
Lois didn't know how to react. Was he saying that because he was drunk, or did he really mean it? She thought he meant. She had known for a long time that Clark's feelings ran deep, but to actually hear the words was quite weird. Though, at the same time, she felt elated; like nothing in the world mattered quite so much as Clark's words.
"I love you too, Clark," she replied, hugging him closer to her again.
"Lois? Can I kiss you now?" he asked.
Lois laughed. "You don't have to ask permission, you lunkhead!" she told him.
<But you'd better watch out for drunken slobbering, girl! her subconscious told her.
<Just shut up!
As it turned out, she had nothing to worry about. Clark leaned down to kiss her gently, his lips soft and warm against her own. All too soon, Clark pulled back and ended the kiss. Lois sighed with disappointment. Not that it wasn't nice — quite the opposite! She didn't know if it was in fact possible, but it seemed like Clark was even sweeter when he was smashed than when he was sober!
"I liked number one on your list, Clark," she told him.
"That's good!" he replied with a grin that soon passed as he remembered what the second thing was. "But the next one isn't quite so good," he warned her. Clark looked down at the floor and scuffed his feet together. Lois recognised the naughty schoolboy stance and wondered what exactly he had done.
"Go on…" she prompted.
"I…I lost your pen!" Clark rushed his words.
"You lost my pen?" <Thank God for that. I thought it was going to be serious! Lois thought. "What pen?"
"Your favourite one, the ballpoint one," he said, still shuffling from side to side.
"Clark, that's okay, it's only a pen; no big deal! You can buy me a new one!"
"Really? Thanks, Lois!"
"You're welcome, Clark!" she replied with a giggle. Clark was funny when he was plastered. Kinda cute, as well, she thought. He must have been a bit like this as a young kid. Though she really ought to try and sober him up a bit before she took him home.
"Would you like a cup of coffee, Clark? Or some tea?" she asked.
"I've still got to tell you my third thing, Lois," he replied.
"Can you remember it now then?"
"Errr…no," Clark looked at her sheepishly.
"Well, I tell you what — I'll make coffee and you think about it."
Lois turned away and walked toward her kitchen.
"Hey, Lois?" Clark called her.
"Yes, Clark?" she replied, turning back to him.
"Why didn't Tarzan have a beard?" he asked.
Lois raised an eyebrow. "I honestly have no idea, Clark," she told him. <In fact, that's a good question! she thought, but then instantly corrected herself. No, that was a daft question, because only drunk people would think about something like that!
She turned back towards the kitchen…only to hear a huge *THUD* behind her. She spun round and saw Clark flat on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table. Rushing to his side, her heart was in her mouth. "Oh my God, Clark, are you okay?" she asked.
He sat up gingerly and rubbed the side of his head. "Yeah, I think so," he responded.
"What on earth did you do?" she asked, pulling away his hand to look for herself.
"I missed your sofa. I think he must have moved when I went to sit on him!" Clark giggled at his own joke.
"Clark! It's not funny!" Lois exploded. "You must have whacked your head off the coffee table! It's a miracle you haven't split it open!"
"Sorry, Lois. Sorry coffee table," Clark said contritely.
Lois bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. "You've got a tiny bump here, but it really is only small. Just be thankful you're not on your way to the emergency department with a gaping head wound!" she told him sternly.
Clark considered that. He had never been to the emergency room. Except when he'd dropped off patients as Superman, of course. Hey! Superman! That was the third thing! And that was probably why he wasn't sitting there with a gaping head wound. His powers must be on the way back, he deduced, with a brief flash of lucidity. He must tell Lois, before he forgot again.
"I remembered the last thing I needed to tell you, Lois."
"Hmmph," she grunted. <The bang on the head must have done him *some* good then, she thought. I'm not taking him home now, though. Who knows what he could do to himself next? I'll go to work tomorrow, only to find Clark's not coming in because he's knocked himself out with his toothbrush.
"Just sit back up here, and then you can tell me," she said, getting up herself. Clark pulled himself back onto the sofa.
"Now, I don't want you to be mad at me, okay?" he began.
"Okay, Clark, get on with it!" She rolled her eyes at him.
"I'm Superman," he said simply.
Lois gaped at him in shock. He was even more drunk than she had thought!
"I really think you need that coffee," she said, rising to go and make it.
"Lois, wait! It's true! I am Superman!"
"Sure, Clark. And Perry actually is Elvis,"
"But I can prove it, watch!" Clark tried desperately to float up off the sofa, but to no avail. "Well, okay, so I can't prove it right now. But it's the Kryptonite. There was some at the robbery earlier, and I lost my powers and that's why I can't fly right now — hey, maybe it's why the beer had such a weird effect on me! But anyway, when I get my powers back I'll show you!"
"Okay, whatever. And by the way, it's not some weird effect. It's called being drunk!"
"No, Lois, you've got to believe me! Think about it; why didn't I hurt myself when your table hit me?" Clark said triumphantly.
"Clark, that was luck, not superpowers! Look, tomorrow you're going to have a fantastically humongous hangover, and you won't remember a thing about this. Which is good, because I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed. So let's just let it go, okay?" Lois said, patting the top of his hands.
"But I *am* Superman," he replied sullenly.
"Sure you are, sweetie! You're *my* Superman!" Lois replied, kissing him gently on the lips. "Now, how about that coffee?"
Lois Lane groaned as she rolled over in bed and glanced at her clock. 5.33 AM? <Go back to sleep, Lane! She listened out for any noise from the living room where Clark had finally passed out on the couch, but her apartment was silent. Maybe she should go check on him? She didn't want to wake him, though. A good night's sleep was the best thing after a heavy night, she knew from experience. Besides he would be feeling bad enough when he did get up; no need to hurry that up.
Although, the silence was slightly worrying. Surely he should be making some noise? She swung her legs out of bed and padded across to her doorway. She eased the door open and let her eyes adjust to the dark…before nearly fainting in shock.
Grabbing the doorframe to keep herself upright, she tried to take in what she saw before her. Clark was indeed fine; in fact he was fast asleep — three feet *above* her sofa. He was *floating*! Oh God. But that would mean…Clark was Superman?
She walked over to the sofa and quickly swiped her hand through the open space beneath Clark's body. She knew it was ridiculous, but she had to just check. Nothing. So he really was floating. Which meant…he was telling the truth earlier. Clark Kent is Superman. <You are *dating* Superman! Oh God. Reaching out tentatively, she slapped him on the shoulder, waking him up.
"Clark Kent, you have a *lot* of explaining to do!" she yelled.