By Suggs With A Box <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: December 2005
Summary: Thanks to a hot tip, Lois and Clark are trapped in a strange new world where they meet new friends and dangerous foes. How will they get home? A Lois and Clark/Harry Potter crossover.
This story was inspired by the fact that I wanted to read a Harry Potter/Superman crossover fanfic. A few things are a little different to the series, but it's nearer to Lois and Clark than any other Superman, especially with the fact that I used an L&C villain. It's my first try at fanfic, and it shows. I think it's as awful as Supergirl: The Movie. Have fun, kids, and remember: Don't do drugs or paper aeroplanes will eat your baby brother's arms. Oh, and support London Police—don't buy it, steal it…
Deathfic warning: Several characters die in this story, so for those of you who are sensitive to death in their reading, consider yourselves warned.
It was a cold night in Metropolis. Overhead flew the city's guardian angel, Superman. He was patrolling the city as usual for this time of night. Soon he would fly home and get some sleep to get ready for a fresh day working at "The Greatest Newspaper In The World," the Daily Planet, as his alter-ego, Clark Kent. Life couldn't get much better than this, he thought. There were no psychopathic Kryptonian trios trying to take over the planet, evil billionaires with poisonous green rocks, or gangster clones causing problems. He and Lois were dating, and he was going to ask her to marry him. That is, as soon as he told her that Clark Kent and Superman are the same person…
It soon became apparent that no one needed Superman tonight. Clark flew home, passing by Lois's apartment. A quick X-ray scan showing that she was in bed sleeping and OK. He smiled to himself and landed on his balcony. Within seconds he was out of The Suit—wearing only a pair of boxer shorts—and in bed, sleeping soundly.
Lois Lane woke up with the sun shining on her face. It was a beautiful day, and she was looking forward to going to work. She got out of bed, showered, got dressed, and went out to her Jeep. After a short drive, she arrived at the Planet, strolled into the newsroom, and went straight to her desk. Glancing over, she saw Clark was at his desk already, and on the phone. That was when hers rang. Picking it up, she heard a male voice.
"Be at the alley behind Starbucks on 33rd in twenty minutes with Kent for a major scoop. If I don't see both of you there, then there'll be no story…" He hung up.
Looking over, Lois saw Clark walking over to her.
"Lois, I just got a call from an anonymous source who said that we should be at the alley behind Starbucks on 33rd in twenty minutes…" Clark began, but Lois interrupted him.
"And we have to go together or they say there'll be no story."
"Yeah, how did you know?" Clark asked, looking confused.
"Simple. I have a phone on my desk, too, farmboy," she replied as they exited the newsroom.
Lois and Clark arrived to find the alleyway deserted. Cautiously, they stepped out of the Jeep and headed to their destination. Unknown to them, a figure watching from above activated a device as they headed towards the alley. Seconds later, Lois and Clark vanished, leaving the rooftop watcher smiling broadly.
"What the Hell was that? I feel like I just walked through an ice cold car wash! And where'd all these trees come from?!" Lois moaned. "Where's my Jeep? One minute we're in an alley, the next we're in a forest? What's going on? How'd we get here? I hate trees, Clark. Clark?" Lois looked around for her partner. He was standing beside a tree, glasses on the edge of his nose, looking around calmly as she babbled on.
A strange look came over his face. Lois knew that look. It was the look he got before he'd leave her with some pathetic excuse. Did he truly think she didn't know he was Superman? She was a Pulitzer-winning Investigative Reporter, for crying out loud. She had a Pulitzer and seven Kerths. She certainly didn't win them in a raffle. How could he expect to get away with it? She hoped he'd tell her soon. It was getting tiring, watching him leave to rescue someone as his alter-ego, knowing he was lying to her.
"Lois, I'll be back in a second, I need to…use the bathroom…" he said before disappearing into the darkness.
Harry fell from the sky, the sock dropping from his hand. "Agggghhhhhhh!!!!" he screamed. Suddenly, he felt arms around him as a man caught him in mid-air.
"Don't worry, kid. I've got you," the man said reassuringly.
Harry was too shocked at this man, flying without a broomstick or any other magical object or beast, to speak at first. When he did, all he could say sounded like the corniest thing in the world. "You've got me? Who's got you? And what's with wearing your pajamas in public?"
"I'm Superman," Clark said simply.
"Uh…okay," Harry answered. "Why did you save me?"
"I save people; it's what I do. You've never heard of Superman?" he asked, astounded.
"No, should I have?" Harry wondered aloud as they reached the ground and landed next to an old, vast, and majestic castle with sparkling windows and many turrets and towers.
"Sorry, I just thought you would have. I am the most famous superhero in the world."
"Superhero? Like in kids' comic books?"
"I guess so. I gotta go." And he flew off.
Harry ran back to Gryffindor Tower and told Ron and Hermionie all about the flying man. "But how did you end up in the air in the first place?" asked Ron Weasley curiously. "Oh, Goyle threw a sock at me. It must've been a Portkey coz when I caught it, there I was, fifty feet above the North Tower. Anyway, what about this Superman guy, Hermionie? Ever heard of him?"
"Harry, everyone's heard of him. He was the first superhero comic book character ever. There's been films and everything."
Ron looked confused. "You mean he's not real? He's a comic book character, like Martin Miggs?"
"Yes," answered Hermionie. "Something's going on and it can't be good…"
Clark flew above the clouds. He could see they were in Scotland somewhere. *OK, time to go get Lois and go home. Then we can work out how we got halfway around the world in a few seconds.*
Then he noticed something odd. The statue in Ayrshire of Superman wasn't there, nor was the one of Luthor at Loch Ness. That forest was filled with strange mythical creatures. And that boy hadn't heard of his alter-ego. Something weird was going on. He had to get to Lois and find out what it was.
Lois walked out of the trees to spot an old, long-since-abandoned ruin of a castle, an enormous lake, and a wooden hut.
*Aghh, Clark where are you? Speak of the devil…* Lois thought as Clark walked out from the trees.
Quickly, he strolled over to her. "Hey, Lois, sorry I took so long but you won't believe what I saw in there," he said, indicating the forest. "A centaur. I know it sounds crazy…"
Lois held her hand up. "OK, Kent. I don't have time for fairy tales. I just wanna know where we are, how we got here, and how we're gonna get back!!"
Clark groaned. He only had one theory and that was pretty out there. Lois wasn't going to like this.
"Avada Kedavra! A flash of green light and wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Hope you've got life insurance!!" Harry Potter spoke to the DA. "This isn't playtime here, people; this is war. And not just any war. This is war against the most evil wizard in history. The sooner you accept that and deal with it, the better. Now you've all done very well just surviving so far. Some of you have done even better. But mere survival isn't gonna save us. We need to destroy the Dark Lord before he destroys us. And with that in mind, here's Hermionie with an update on the Horcrux situation."
"Thank you, Harry." Turning to the audience before her, Hermionie spoke. "As you know, Lord Voldemort put his soul into the Horcruxes in order to make himself more immortal. The diary, which Harry destroyed in his second year; the ring that was destroyed last year by our late Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, god rest his soul; the locket Sirius's brother hid before his death that Ron smashed; the cup I fed to the Dementors; the snake, Nagini, that Ginny killed; Ravenclaw's bracelet that Harry cracked…" She paused for effect. "And now we have confirmation that he did indeed create another Horcrux when he found out about the diary. And we know what it is, and where it is. What's more, we know he doesn't know about the other Horcruxes having been destroyed, so all we have to do is destroy this one Horcrux without him discovering about it and pray that Harry here is up to the job. You all know the Prophecy. You all know Harry is our only hope. Now, as for the final Horcrux…"
"An alternate Earth? Clark, are you crazy? Teenagers appearing out of nowhere? Centuars? Superman not existing here? How stupid do you think I am? Next you'll be expecting me to believe that Bruce Wayne is Batman!!"
Clark couldn't help but smile at that. Then he sobered. "Lo-is, look around you. How else can you explain being in Metropolis one second and in the middle of that forest the next? We've crossed the Einstien-Rosen-Podelski Bridge! This must be the centre of Quantum Magnetism for this world which is why we landed here. There is no other explanation. This isn't our Earth."
"That's impossible, Clark. First, interdimensional travel hasn't been invented yet and probably never will be, outside of that stupid Sliders programme you like so much. I can't believe we're talking about this. Aghhh!" Lois screamed.
"And I can't believe you're this narrow-minded. Two years ago you'd have laughed if someone told you about a real life alien in spandex flying about saving people, but now you're his biggest fan."
"And that really bothers you, doesn't it, Clark? I'm truly amazed! Here we are, having been dating for eight months, and you're still jealous of your alter-ego, the man in tights! Don't look so shocked. I've known for a long time, so why don't you go fly off and sulk with Wonder Woman! I bet she'd tie you to the bed with that Golden Whatsit, if you ask nicely!"
Lois stormed off, leaving Clark feeling as if he'd been attacked with a Mount Everest-sized chunk of Kryptonite.
Above them, floating unevenly on a broom, the figure from the rooftop watched, grinning…
"It's him! The flying guy! Superman! Only now he's wearing a Muggle Suit and a pair of glasses," Harry whispered to Ron and Hermionie, indicating Clark, as the three of them walked out of Hogwarts castle.
"That's Superman?!" asked Hermionie. "It doesn't look like him. I've seen the film."
"Yeah, maybe…" said Harry. "But if he's such a popular fictional character, surely lots of actors have played him, so maybe it's a different version, or maybe the real one doesn't have to look like the actor who played him."
"Hermionie, just tell us all you can about him," said Ron. "We know you're dying to, so go ahead."
"OK, Ron. Superman is an alien, the only survivor from the planet Krypton. He is two different people—Clark Kent and Superman. Clark Kent is the disguise he uses to fit in with Earth people and live a normal life. Superman is the other disguise he uses in order to help people with the powers he gets from the Earth's yellow sun. But he is neither. Behind both disguises is one man, and the lines between the two are always blurred a little. He was sent to Earth as a baby by his parents just before the planet exploded. He was found in a town called Smallville, in Kansas, America, by Jonathan and Martha Kent, two farmers—and very nice people—who couldn't have kids of their own. As a teenager, he has a relationship with a girl called Lana Lang but it doesn't work out. Anyway, when he's eighteen, his Earth father has a heart attack and dies. He grows up, moves to Metropolis, and begins work at the Daily Planet newspaper as a Journalist. There he meets Lois Lane, his work partner and soulmate, and becomes Superman. That begins a love triangle between Clark, Superman, and Lois. Clark loves Lois who loves Superman who wants her to love him as Clark, not for the flashy powers. Anything else is open to interpretation by the individual writer."
"You said he has powers. What are they?" asked Harry.
"Um, let me see if I remember them all. He can move really fast, faster than a speeding train. He's really, really strong. He can fly. He can shoot heat beams from his eyes. He can see through anything except lead with X-Ray vision. He can freeze things with his breath, and he's invulnerable to everything except a rock from his home planet called Kryptonite, which obviously doesn't exist here, and magic."
"Magic? Oh boy, is he in trouble," said Ron.
*Where in Elvis's name are those two reporters? It's been two weeks and they haven't been into work, answered their phones or emails, and have seemingly disappeared off the face of the Earth. I can only hope they're OK,* Perry thought despairingly, though that seemed less likely with each passing day. This was all he needed, what with Alice's death so recently, Jimmy's coma caused by the mugging and assult he went through last week, and the Planet's dropping circulation. A figure walked into Perry's office, interupting his thoughts.
"Perry White?" the man asked.
"Yeah. What in the Hell d'ya'll want with m-?" he bellowed.
Before he could finish the sentence, the bullet was in his heart and the man was making his escape.
Lois walked back, angry because she'd just seen proof that Clark was right…and angrier still because she'd have to admit it to him. She was suprised however to see him speaking with some teenagers. Two boys and a girl.
How could he be wasting time talking with kids when they were stuck on another Earth? They needed to get home and find out who did this to them, not babysit delinqents outside a stone ruin!!
Then she saw the imossible. The girl pointed a wooden stick at Clark and he was bathed in sunlight as if it were summertime, rather than 10am on a winter morning. It was impossible. It was magic.
Harry, Hermionie, Ron, Ginny, Clark, and Lois sat around the Gryffindor Common Room fire discussing past adventures, and ways they could help each other if possible.
"So, this Sorcerer's Stone thingy…" began Lois, but Hermionie interupted.
"No, it's the Philosopher's Stone," she corrected. Shaking her head slightly, she muttered under her breath in a voice so low only Clark could hear, "Americans…" Then she returned her attention to Lois. "Sorry. You were saying something before I rudely interrupted?"
"Yes," Lois icily said. Then, returning to her normal tone of voice, she speculated, "This Stone. What happened to it?"
"Dumbledore destroyed it," Ron supplied. "Anyway, what's important now is destroying the final Horcrux, putting an end to You-Know-Who's reign of terror, and getting you two home. No pressure Harry…" Ron joked.
"That's OK, Ron. I'll get it done quicker that you can hex Malfoy…"
Harry and Ron grinned. "Sounds like fun."
Ron looked around wildly for Professor Umbridge, only to spot Hermionie with a small grin on her face.
"If you two have quite finished fantasizing about ferret-boy, we've got business to attend to…" Hermionie reminded them.
Harry and Ron looked ashamed for a moment. Then Clark spoke. "So have you got any idea how to do that and how can I—" At Lois' disapproving glare, Clark corrected himself. "I mean we—help?"
Hermionie spoke. "Well, we know what and where the Horcrux is, but there's a slight problem. It's guarded by a two-mile field of Magisuck Gas in every direction, which makes any wizard who goes into it lose their magical powers forever, making them Muggles, an anti-Muggle jinx, which makes non-Magic people walk away before they get within five miles of it, plus a Metawolf, which is a werewolf that is permanently in wolf form. No ordinary human could ever kill or even escape it without magic. So we can't get to the Horcrux. We'd need to perform Magic to destroy the Horcrux, so what you'd have to do, Clark, is get it and bring it to us here. Whilst you do that, Lois and I will hit the library and try to find out how to get you home. Harry, Ron, I think Voldemort has a spy in the DA. Find out who it is, but if possible don't let them know that you know there's a spy. Oh, and Clark, the Horcrux is hidden here." She wrote out some quick directions on a piece of parchment. "And is apparently Slytherin's tombstone. Any questions?"
After a short silence, she stood up and said, "OK then, let's get going."
When Clark returned four hours later, it was to find that they had discovered how to get him and Lois home, but that Death Eaters had killed Ron, kidnapped Lois, and that Harry was unconscious in the middle of the Great Hall. Hermionie had only survived through pure luck. She had been in the Room Of Requirement, waiting for Lois to come back with the last book they needed from the library, the one that would tell them how to magically trace a person's quantum signature, without which they would just end up in a random dimension rather than going home.
Hermionie had been hit by a stray spell which had hit through the door to the room with amazing force. If it had hit her any worse, she'd probably be dead now. Fortunately, the room had remained hidden during the conflict. She'd awoken later to find the battle over, Lois missing, Ron dead, and the book Lois had been bringing to her just outside the library, Harry knocked out in the Great Hall, and a message written in blood on the wall of the Entrance Hall.
"The Dark Lord shall kill the Muggle woman if Potter does not show himself at the place of his rebirth at the rise of the sun. He must come alone, or she will die. The boy's death is nigh. The Dark Lord commands it."
Then a bit further down the wall…
"This message was written with the blood of two dead Weasley's, Potter. Your friend put up a brave fight. I so enjoyed killing his sister as he watched helplessly… LM"
The stars shined brightly over the old Riddle House. Harry entered the house alone, wand at the ready. He had destroyed the Gravestone Horcrux mere moments before leaving Hogwarts. It was time for the final confrontation.
By the end of the new dawning day, either Harry or Voldemort would be dead. Quickly, Harry searched through the house, finding Lois tied to a chair in a bathroom on the first floor. He untied her and guided her outside. That was when he appeared in front of him.
"Hello, Potter. I see our hostage has served her purpose. Avada Kedavra!"
The curse was aimed at Lois but hit a newly appeared Hermionie.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" screamed Harry. "Avada Kedavra!!" he yelled, pointing his wand at Voldemort, who promptly fell down dead. It was over. It was finally over.
Just then Clark landed, his cape blowing in the wind behind him. "I thought we were going to wait til sunrise?" he asked, puzzled.
Back at Hogwarts, Lois, Clark, and Harry were talking.
"OK, so we can go home now?" Clark asked.
"Yes, Clark." Lois paused. "I know I've only been here a couple of days, but I'm gonna miss this place. It's so weird how I see it one way from outside and then I go inside and it's something completely different."
Harry smiled at that. "You know, Ron said something similar a few weeks ago to this doctor guy we met with a blue Police Box. That kept us busy for a while. Chasing those damn Cybermen all over the place. It was a nightmare. OK, and now one last spell and a vortex to your world should open. However, there might be a slight time differation between dimensions, I should warn you." With that Harry performed the spell and opened the wormhole.
"Whoa, Lois, it's just like on Sliders…"
"Yeah, alright, Clark. Enough with that already!"
She dived in. Seconds later Clark followed. The "Slide" was a far more interesting journey than the trip through the inter- dimension they'd taken before. This time it was like going though a brightly-lit tunnel with lots of different colours, and many twists and turns, with a warm feeling encompassing their bodies. Suddenly, they were spit out onto the ground outside the Daily Planet building. Lois had never been so happy to see that Globe. They were home. But as the vortex closed, they realised they were not alone. Harry was with them, knocked out, his head bleeding badly.
Above them on a nearby rooftop, the mysterious figure watched, seething with disappointment and raw hatred at their return.
Harry was in the hospital recovering from head trauma, due to his bad landing when he exited the vortex. He'd dived in seconds before it closed because of the Death Eaters' entire army sudden appearance, after which they'd all started shooting curses at him. Powerful as he was, he didn't like those odds. He jumped into the wormhole and the next thing he knew, he was waking up in Metropolis Hospital.
Meanwhile, Lois and Clark were back at the Daily Planet, finding out that their trip was not the two days they'd experienced, but a whole three and a half months. Harry had warned them there might be some temporal anomalies, but they hadn't expected this. They were now shocked to find that they were officially missing and presumed dead, that Lex Luthor was now the second richest man in the world, having regained his old empire and expanded it enourmously, and that they had a new president, John Doe, who was apparently a "Darn Nice Guy."
Lois was fuming. This person, whoever it was, had caused them to lose three and a half months of their lives—months during which Perry, Jimmy, Jonathon, and Martha had all been killed by the same mysterious person no one could identify. As Lois and Clark sat in what used to be Perry's office, the new Editor In Chief out to lunch, a lone figure walked in, dressed in English clothing from the Victorian era.
"Hello, Mr Kent, Miss Lane. I do hope you'll forgive this intrusion. My name is Herbert Wells. Yes, the writer. I invented a time machine. I have travelled to the future, where there exists a glorious Utopia, created by your descendants. However, it is in danger of not existing unless you help me. On my first trip through time, I brought back with me a man who I believed could be trusted. He turned out to be a criminal of the worst kind. He is determined to prevent Utopia at any cost. His name is Tempus and he sent you to that other dimension. He has now become President of the United States. He must be sent back to the future to answer for the crimes he has committed. He is guilty of attempting to change the timeline of this world, Earth 113, of fraud, lying, littering, theft, perverting the course of justice, ordering the murders of Perry White, James Olsen, Jonathon Kent, Martha Kent, and assassinating the previous President of the United States. I need you to help me catch Tempus, after which I can implant a chip in his body that will prevent him travelling freely though time and dimensions. Will you please help me?"
"Uh, Mr Wells, that's a pretty amazing story. Do you have any proof?" Clark asked.
"He doesn't, but he's not lying," came a voice behind Mr Wells.
A loud bang was heard and Mr Wells fell to the floor, his chest flowing with blood. Within seconds he was dead.
"Hello, Superman. My name is Tempus as you just heard, and I'm going to leave soon, but first I'm going to kill you." With that he pulled a lead box out of his pocket and opened it. A strange purple glow filled the room. "Yes, this is a new strain of Kryptonite, Kent. I made it myself," Tempus said, grinning madly. "It will make you as docile as a labrador. Now sit still, whilst I expose you to the green, green glow of home." He opened a secret compartment inside the box.
Clark was in agony but stayed perfectly still. Lois couldn't bear to see Clark so helpless. She lunged at Tempus. A short fight followed, which ended with Tempus knocked out and both forms of the horrible rock hidden in the box. Lois searched Mr Wells' body, found the chip he'd spoken about earlier, and forced it down Tempus' throat before searching him. She found a strange device which appeared to open time and dimensional windows. After working out the controls, Lois set it to open a window to the age of dinosaurs. She pushed Tempus' unconscious body through the window, then closed it. She then crushed the troublesome device with a nearby paperweight. Their nightmare was over.
A week passed. Harry recovered and was discharged from the hospital. He had erased Lois and Clark's memories of the entire event upon their request. He had "Slid" home, as Clark had insisted on calling the process, to find he'd been gone for a mere two hours and that during that time, the Death Eaters had been defeated by the DA and the Order Of The Phoenix. They had all been exposed to Magisuck Gas and thrown in Azkaban, which was being guarded now by Aurors. The only Death Eaters to escape this fate were Lucius and Draco Malfoy, who were now on the run from the Ministry Of Magic. There was an international hunt for the Malfoys, who were now the two most wanted criminals in the Wizarding World. And they would be caught. Harry would see to that. He was going to become an Auror. He lived with the remaining Weasleys now, trying to find his way in a world without his parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Ron, Hermionie, Ginny, or the mission of taking Voldemort down. It was difficult. Sometimes he felt that the world had moved on without him now. Still he read a lot of Superman comics. Other than that he coped the only way he could. One day at a time.
One day at a time.
It was a warm night in Metropolis. Overhead flew the city's guardian angel, Superman, back in the skies after a mysterious five-month absence that neither he nor Lois could remember. He was patrolling the city as he usually did at this time of night. Soon he would fly home to his apartment, but first he would stop by Lois's apartment to spend some time with her. Life was good. Clark and Lois had gotten their jobs back at the Daily Planet, he'd told her he was Superman, and she'd agreed to marry him. There were no psychopathic Kryptonian trios trying to take over the planet, evil billionaires with poisonous green rocks, no crazy time travellers with weird Slide-traps, or insane wizards killing innocent people.
Crazy time travellers? Insane wizards? Where'd those thoughts come from? Clark shrugged it off. Strange and crazy thoughts. He'd had those a lot lately, but they were nothing. Something strange had obviously happened to cause their absence and memory loss, but despite their best attempts, Lane and Kent were unable to discover what exactly had happened to them and had been forced to give up for now, though they would never truly give up searching for the answers.
It soon became apparent that no one needed Superman tonight. Clark flew in to Lois's apartment via the window. He never made it back to his apartment that night, not that he minded. Hours later, Lois Lane and Clark Kent lay together in her bed, their limbs entangled, as they slept soundly and happily.