By Poussin <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted July 2006
Summary: For the benefit of her son, Lois tells the story of her most ridiculous idea. A humorous revelation story that retells season one from Lois's point of view, about Clark and Superman's special relationship.
It was Saturday morning, really early, when John flew out the window of his apartment and headed towards Metropolis. It was at least one hour before sunrise. With his dark clothes, he wouldn't be seen.
For once, he would have liked to stay in Boston. He loved his parents very much. He liked spending all his weekends with them in the family house in Metropolis, but for once, he would much rather have stayed in Boston, in his tiny student apartment -the apartment where Jennifer was still asleep, in his bed.
She was the most beautiful, the most intelligent woman he had ever seen. She was a student at Harvard like him, and they had been taking the same classes for almost a year and half, and never before that week had he realized that she felt the same for him as he had for her at first sight.
He never really believed it when his father claimed to have fallen helplessly in love with his mother the second he saw her. At the time his father was trying to convince the editor in chief of the Daily Planet to hire him. John never really believed that was possible, until the day he met Jennifer.
He never really understood either how frustrating it was for his father to be only a friend to his mother for almost two years, while his mother was so deeply in love with him anyway. Only…with him in blue tights. No, John never really understood that… until the day he met Jennifer.
Yes, it was definitely very frustrating to be just her good old friend and see her totally hero- worshipping Superboy. He now understood how his father must have felt at the time.
He never really believed his father's advice would work, so he hadn't even tried, before this week. How dumb could he be! Over the years, he surely would have learned by now: his father was always right! And when his mother gave him the same advice, that meant it was good advice. Now, he knew they were right again. Next time, he wouldn't forget.
His parents told him, that they would probably still be just friends if his father hadn't asked his mother out on a date once. That had worked for them 25 years earlier, and that had worked for him this week. Finally, it wasn't that difficult to go out on a date with the woman he loved, he just had to ask her. Why had he ever thought that could work without even asking?
Well, he finally did, and she said yes. That was the most wonderful night of his life. Jennifer went out with him, as John Kent, and she hadn't even said a word about Superboy. The date went so well, that he found the courage to ask her out a second time. And she agreed again. That was even better.
And before the end of the evening, he declared his feelings, and she confessed to him that she returned them. He was so happy. They spent all night talking and kissing, and sat on his bed until she fell asleep. That was the night just before, and she was still sleeping when he went out.
He wasn't worried that she might be mad to wake up alone. He told her that he had to take a very early flight to go see his parents in Metropolis for the weekend. Plus he left a card for her on the nightstand with a rose, to tell her again how much he loved her and that he didn't want to wake her, and was sorry he had to go to Metropolis. He couldn't wait to see her again on Monday.
The only thing that worried him was that, now that they were a couple, he would have to tell her soon that he was Superboy. He just couldn't go on lying to her. That would be unfair. But he really didn't have a clue as to how to do that. Maybe he should ask his father how he had told his mother. He had done it, so he must know how to face the situation, and John would never make the mistake of doubting what his father told him again.
It was still night when he landed on the balcony of the family house and everything was silent. His parents must still be asleep. A little tired himself, he went to his room to sleep for a few hours before having breakfast with his folks. Then he would ask his father how to tell Jennifer the family secret.
Jennifer reminded him of his mother, she had the same stubbornness, the same passion for chocolate, the same competitive mind… and his father definitely knew how to handle that. He really needed his advice on the subject.
The smell of coffee woke him up a few hours later. He went to the kitchen where his father was probably busy making coffee for his mother, as he usually did. But he wasn't; only his mother was in the kitchen.
"Good morning. You came back very late last night. Everything okay, John?"
"Hmm, yeah. Everything's just fine," he replied with a grin.
Lois waited a few seconds for her son to go on talking, but he remained silent, grinning. Her curiosity was killing her; she wasn't a reporter for nothing. And she had the strange feeling that John knew perfectly well that she was dying of curiosity and was keeping quiet on purpose.
"So, what makes you feel so good today? To be home again?"
"Yeah, that too. I like to be here with you both. Actually, where's Dad? I would like to talk to him about something."
Yes, she was right. He was doing this on purpose to tease her a little, the way he often did, just like his father did. She hated to be teased that way. No, to be honest, she loved it, but it was just unfair. She was way too curious for her own good, and the two guys in her life knew her way too well. They were always conspiring against her by teasing.
"Superman was needed. You know you can talk to me about it too. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Everything's just perfect."
"Come on, this is killing me! Please don't let me guess, tell me…"
Lois was hoping that the pleading note she put in her voice would be enough to convince her son to talk. It always worked with her husband, but his son seemed to be immune to her pleas. He always talked more easily with Clark than with her. She was glad that they had such a good father-son relationship, but she couldn't help feeling a little jealous when her son was so obviously uneasy at the idea of sharing his thoughts with her.
"Mom… Actually, it's kind of a … man-to-man conversation I want with Dad. And you're not exactly… you know."
"Sure, I'm not a man, but there's something you have to understand. A man-to-man conversation is a conversation about girls. And if you want advice about girls, you have to ask a girl, not a man."
While her son was thinking about what she had just said, she decided to push the subject a little further.
"So, how's Jennifer?" she asked almost innocently.
John blushed, and Lois knew that she was right. The man-to-man conversation was about a girl. She smiled. John was so much like his father, a good-looking super-powered man, but very shy and insecure with girls. Finally, he spoke.
"Okay, Mom. You win. I've asked Jennifer out this week. And she's accepted."
"Oh John, that's great news! So… you're dating?"
"Yeah, and yesterday, I told her I was in love with her, and she said she loved me too."
"Oh, I'm so happy for you. I LIKE this girl. Why did you only want to share this news with your father?"
"Well, no. I wanted to tell you too. What I wanted to discuss with Dad was… how he told you he was Superman. I mean, when you finally gave up your fantasies about his persona and told him you loved him, how did he tell you he was Superman without you being mad at him?"
"Err… Actually, he told me something like eight months before we started dating. In fact, I never had to give up my fantasies about Superman. I just learned to love him for who he was."
"You're kidding me? Why did he tell you, then?"
"He told me because he was very embarrassed about something I said to him. I guess it was easier for him to confess than to let me think that… err… Oh my god, it's just so embarrassing! I was so stupid."
"Mom, now it's you who's killing me, not saying anything… Tell me, please."
"Okay, I'll tell you. Just… don't laugh at me. Don't mock me."
"I'd never do that, Mom. You know I wouldn't."
"Well, I had such a ridiculous idea that you might want to laugh. Just… don't, okay,"
"Okay. Here's the story of the most ridiculous idea that ever went through the mind of Lois Lane. You're warned."
I don't really know when the stupid idea came to my mind, but I had thought that it was real for a long time, before Clark told me I was wrong, before he told me the truth. I guess it didn't come to my mind at one precise moment. It was gradual. I had compiled the clues and imagined it step by step. So I guess I have to tell you everything from the beginning, so you'll understand how I could have thought such a thing. Also, why Clark told me his secret, when I considered him only as a friend and still hero-worshipped Superman. And maybe you won't laugh at me.
So here I go. Everything from the beginning.
The first time I met Clark, I didn't even look at him. For me he was just a hack that was hoping to work at the Planet. I remember hardly anything about this first encounter. He didn't matter to me, but he dared to write an article that Perry had given me first. He wanted to impress him and get the job. Okay, I refused to write that story. Too touchy feely for me, but he had still written a story of mine, so I disliked him right away. I was very competitive at the time. The first day he worked at the Planet, Perry told me to work with him on my story. I didn't want to at first. I really disliked him, because he was a handsome male who had taken a story of mine and written it well, just like another bastard I knew before him. I thought he was like that too. I was wrong, of course. Clark is a good guy. And when I acted like a total bitch with him, he wasn't even afraid of me; that was very irritating. My nickname wasn't Mad Dog Lane for nothing!
I really disliked him. The main reason I disliked him so much was because I was attracted to him, and I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to give him a chance to hurt me. But the first time I met Superman was another story. I was still very attracted to him, but that didn't bother me because he wasn't a hack from Nowheresville, he was an alien from another planet. I know that seems shallow, and maybe it was at first. Then, I got to know him better both as Clark Kent and Superman, and I loved him, really.
For Clark, it was just friendship. I didn't allow myself to feel more than that for him because he was my colleague, the only partner I had ever been able to work with. I didn't want to lose that. He was my only friend and I didn't want to be alone again, just as I had been before I met him, in case it didn't work between us. Loving him as Superman was much safer.
I was the first reporter who encountered Superman. When we first met, he flew me back into the newsroom of the Planet. So a few days later, when Trask, a madman who tracked UFOs and aliens for the military, wanted to find him and kill him, he came to the newsroom. He thought I knew how to contact Superman.
He forced Clark and me to answer his questions about Superman with a lie detector. I guess that's the very first step that made me think later that, maybe, Superman and Clark were… no, I'll tell you later what my idea was. If I tell you now, you will laugh your head off, that's for sure. I prefer to explain how I came to my conclusion first.
Okay, so when Trask asked us to answer his questions with the lie detector, we refused at first. But we didn't have much choice, so I agreed, and Clark became very nervous, as if he had something to hide about Superman. Of course, he had. He was Superman and he didn't want that madman to know it. It was so obvious he was hiding something that Perry asked him if he knew something he hadn't told us. He lied, and said that he knew nothing more than we did, but I knew that was a lie. At that precise moment, I knew that my partner knew something about Superman that I didn't. And I was determined to discover what that was.
Maybe I was jealous. At the time, I just couldn't see him as someone who worked for the some team as me. I didn't care if he worked for the Planet or another paper, he was a competitor. I wanted to be better than anyone else in the profession. He was also a reporter, so he was a competitor. Perry was right. I really wasn't a team player. But maybe I would have been less curious about Clark's secret if it hadn't been about Superman. Well, anyway, I wanted to know what Clark knew. I couldn't stand the idea that he knew more than I did.
Trask thought that one of us knew how to contact Superman. I was sure of one thing: it wasn't me. So, if Trask was right, Clark knew a way to contact him. That idea was in my mind, yet I wasn't sure if it was right or not. I decided to pay more attention to Clark and Superman, and see if they had a direct link of communication. I wanted to be sure that my "competitor" knew more than I did.
When Trask pushed me out of a plane, I screamed, and I even tried to contact Superman by telepathy. Superman saved me. I believed that he really had read my mind, and that that was what Clark knew about him, but he said that he just heard me. But apparently, Clark did nothing to contact him, so maybe Trask and I were wrong, and he really didn't know how to do it.
I wasn't sure any more if Clark knew more about Superman than anyone else. So a few days later, when Perry decided that Superman wasn't my story anymore, and that all the employees of the Planet had the mission of finding him, I refused to believe Clark when he told me that he knew how to do it. What a fool I was! He literally told me he had the inside track to find him, and I didn't believe him…
But he was still a competitor, so I wanted to find Superman before Clark did. I was so obsessed by that idea that I did really bad things. I'm still ashamed of myself when I think about it. He really made me crazy. Yes, crazy is the word. I definitely was crazy about Superman. Well, anyway, I did things that I'm not proud of, and Clark decided I needed a little lesson.
He ridiculed me and wrote the story. I should have been furious, but I wasn't. I knew I deserved it. And for the first time in my life, I apologized. From that day I began to respect him. At first, I was so surprised a freshman reporter had succeeded in taking a scoop away from me. I hadn't immediately thought about what that could mean. But later, at home, I thought about it. I came to the conclusion that since Clark was the only one to get the story about Superman; it was because he really was in touch with him. I again believed the theory of Clark knowing a way to contact Superman.
I still wasn't very sure, but I had a strong feeling that it was true. I was even more convinced when Trask tried to kill Superman again, this time with a rock he found in Smallville, the town where Clark was from.
Trask thought that, since the meteorite was found in Smallville, that it was probably the place where Superman had landed on Earth. And when I heard that theory, I knew it was right. I can't explain it, but I knew it was right that Superman had landed in Smallville. It made sense. And that explained why Clark and Superman were so close: they had known each other since Clark lived previously in Smallville. That meant that Superman had been on Earth for much longer than anyone had ever guessed. But I knew by instinct that was true too. Superman was so accustomed to Earth culture it was logical to think that he had been here for some time.
Trask had exactly the same idea as me. First of all, he thought like I did that Clark and Superman had been friends since childhood, but later he came to the conclusion that they were one and the same. I don't know how he discovered that. He was right, of course, but I thought he was crazy. I told you I was stupid! The truth was right in front of me, and I didn't see it. I even concocted some stupid idea to explain the thing differently…
Well, anyway, Trask died. And on the way back to Metropolis I thought for a long time about all I'd learned, I mean… all I'd guessed during that first trip to Smallville. Superman hadn't come to Earth just two or three months earlier, but probably years before that, since he and Clark had met in Smallville and Clark had left after college and traveled the world for four or five years. I didn't have a clue how long they had known each other before that. Maybe since childhood.
And that got me thinking for a while. Why didn't Superman make himself known to the world sooner if he was already here?
It was the day after, when we were back at the Planet and I was writing the article about Trask's death that I understood why. Or at least, I imagined a possible reason for Superman to hide himself. In my mind, it couldn't be because he was afraid the government would try to kill him and do experiments on him. That would have been the truth, and I had been wrong all along. No. I thought that he was hiding because he didn't want people to attack his friends the way Trask had attacked Clark to get him.
In my mind, Clark and Superman weren't telling the truth about their friendship, because it would have been dangerous for Clark if someone had known. And when Trask almost killed Clark, I realized that I liked him, and that I would have been desperate if he'd died. I decided never to tell anyone what I suspected about Clark and Superman being so much closer than anyone thought. Not even to Clark or Superman. I decided, for Clark's sake, to keep the secret.
But I still wanted to know. What can I say? I'm not a reporter for nothing. I am curious.
From that day, I thought about it more and more. If Clark and Superman knew each other years before Superman put on the suit to become a public figure, that meant Superman was hiding himself among us, among the humans. He had a secret identity, and Clark knew what it was.
I more or less figured that much out at the time, but I couldn't think of a way to discover what his name was. At the same time, I began to doubt myself. I was making up theory upon theory, with no proof whatsoever. What if I was wrong? So, I wanted to prove to myself that my guesses were true before searching for who Superman really was, because if I was wrong, he was nobody else. Just Superman.
To prove to myself that Clark and Superman had known each other for years, I decided to investigate Clark's past. I couldn't investigate Superman's past, there was simply no way, so I investigated Clark's.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Until I read all the articles he wrote while he was traveling all around the world. On the same page of an article written by Clark in New Zealand was another one about a miraculous landing of a plane. The private plane was about to crash, because the pilot had had a heart attack. The plane landed perfectly, but no one in the cockpit was piloting it.
It sounded to me as if Superman had found it too hard not to save people, even when he was in hiding. And obviously, he and Clark were in the same country at the same time. I wanted more evidence, so I searched all his articles one more time, and I noted all the sites and dates Clark had passed by. After that, I searched in all those places about miracles, strange rescues… Everything that could have been a bad situation but ended well without any logical explanation.
And I found it every time. Everywhere Clark had been, there had been strange rescues at the same moment and at the same place. Many, many lives were saved. I knew it without a doubt. Clark and Superman had been traveling together all those years.
And Superman came to Metropolis just a few days after Clark. They were still together, and very much closer than I originally thought. Definitely very much closer than I thought. That was the next step I took in building my ridiculous idea about Clark and Superman. Little by little, I fooled myself.
Anyway, since I had the proof I needed to be sure that they had known each other for a long time, it only remained for me to discover who Superman really was. And that's when I made my biggest mistake. I decided not to take my investigations further. I knew for a fact they were friends, very close ones, and I was hoping to become close enough to them one day. I hoped that some day, they would trust me enough to tell me everything themselves. It would never have been the case if I was investigating them, so I dropped it.
At that moment, I didn't want to discover the truth anymore by investigating myself. I wanted them to tell me because I was their friend. Lucy had just moved to California and I was all alone. I guess I wanted to have a real friendship in my life. So I dropped my investigations to become closer to them.
A few days after that, Superman was accused of being responsible for a heat wave. The judge forbade him to use his powers, and to be sure that he didn't, the tribunal wanted a guarantor. Perry White made the Daily Planet guarantor for him, so Superman was under the watch of the paper. When Perry asked him where he could stay, I offered to put him up in my apartment, but he chose to live with Clark.
Of course, he is Clark, so he just chose to stay at home. But at the time, I didn't know that Superman and Clark were just one and the same, so I thought that was because of their friendship. More proof.
What else could I think? I mean… except the truth? And you haven't heard anything yet! You'll see how stupid I am soon. That was the day I began to have the ridiculous theory of mine…
Clark was absent when Superman decided he'd live in his apartment. Of course! He couldn't split himself. But when you don't know they're only one guy, you think that they must be very close for Superman to be so sure that Clark would agree.
I have to admit, I was kind of jealous of the relationship Clark and Superman had. They were such close friends! Or, that's what I thought. I really was jealous of Clark being so close to Superman. I wanted to be as close to Superman as Clark seemed to be.
So I decided to go to Clark's apartment to see Superman. I needed an excuse, so I made something to eat, and I brought it to them. It was Clark who opened the door, and when I asked him where Superman was, he hesitated a little and then he answered that Superman was in the shower.
Sure, now, I know that he hesitated because he had to think of a lie, and he doesn't like to lie, you know that. But then, I was just obsessed with the idea of Superman being in the shower. I was picturing him in my mind, I wasn't reasonable anymore. I couldn't think of anything else, you know… Superman in the shower.
Well, anyway, in my mind, Superman in the shower was still… Superman. He still wore his suit. I imagined him without, too, but I don't know… that just didn't seem right, as if Superman without the suit wasn't Superman anymore. In a sense, I wasn't wrong, since Superman without the suit is Clark.
So, I asked Clark if Superman wore the suit or took it off when he had a shower. I can't believe I actually asked that, but I did. I was just so crazy about him that I had the guts to ask Clark.
When I asked him that, he looked kind of shocked. Of course he was. But he answered anyway. He said that he didn't know because he didn't look. He was so embarrassed when he said so… In the first few seconds, I thought that he was embarrassed because of my question. It definitely was an embarrassing question, but then I wondered what was so embarrassing about it, if he never really looked?
I think you guessed what my conclusion was? Yes, I was persuaded that Clark knew very well if Superman took the suit off to shower, and that the response was affirmative. If not, Clark probably wouldn't have been so embarrassed.
I was so jealous! He was Superman's closest friend. Close enough to have seen him naked. Why him and not me? I was volunteering to be Superman's best friend. That wasn't a problem for me to be close enough to him to see him… err… with hardly anything on. I definitely was jealous of Clark.
Jealous enough in fact to try and see Superman in the shower too. So I headed towards the bathroom. Clark panicked!
It's funny to remember all the clues that I missed. Clark panicked because he didn't want me to see that there wasn't anyone in the shower, but at that moment, the only thing I noticed was Clark preventing me from seeing Superman naked on the pretext of preserving his dignity! So sad…
Anyway, shortly after that, the court ordered Superman to leave Metropolis, and Superman complied. The same day, Clark resigned from the Planet. He wanted to leave Metropolis, too. He said that he had a job of editor in chief waiting in Smallville, but I knew that wasn't true.
When Clark told me he was leaving, I knew that was because Superman had to go. The idea crossed my mind that they were even closer than I thought, really inseparable. Not inseparable in the sense that he couldn't split himself in two. I hadn't figured it out that much. That really was a surprise for me when Clark told me, and I'm sure you will understand why he did, after you hear what comes next. But I ask you again, please don't laugh at me! If there really were two men, my deductions would have been kind of logical…
That night, I even told Clark that I wasn't blind. That I knew he was leaving to be with Superman because he felt very close to him. I said something like that while trying to convince him not to go. I failed. He decided to leave.
For a moment, I even imagined Clark could be gay and in love with Superman, but I dismissed the idea quickly because he kissed me just before leaving. And when I remembered the way Clark looked at me the first day we worked together, I couldn't seriously keep thinking that. It was obvious to me that Clark was attracted to me, so he definitely wasn't gay. No, they were just close friends. Really, really very close friends.
I even saw Clark kissing another woman. One of the criminals we investigated together, Toni Taylor. He accused me of being jealous. You know what the worst part is? He was right. But the conclusion was that I couldn't keep thinking that he was gay. I felt ridiculous to even have thought that in the first place. It's just, you know… he seemed so close to Superman that the idea crossed my mind.
Clark didn't know I thought such a thing but I felt awful for more than a week to have had that idea.
But the following week, the entire newsroom was sprayed with pheromones and everybody fell in love with whom they were attracted to. I fell for Clark. But he didn't fall for me, or for anyone else. He explained that it was because he wasn't attracted to me. At first, I didn't believe him, but then Superman himself was sprayed and he told me he loved me. So, if even a super-powered man wasn't immune to the pheromone, the only explanation left was indeed that Clark wasn't attracted to me.
He wasn't attracted to anyone else while he was sprayed. And I had no choice but to believe that Clark really wasn't attracted to me at all. But that attraction I thought he had was the main reason why I dismissed the idea that he could be gay. So that idea came back to my mind. Maybe he was gay.
The day after that entire pheromone story ended, Cat found out that I was totally love-crazy for Clark while I was sprayed. She hadn't missed one opportunity to tease me about that. But after a few hours, she became serious and asked me what Clark was like in bed.
That was a real shock for me. Since he was hired at the Planet, Cat told everyone that she had had sex with Clark. He denied it, but nobody believed him. Not even me. But then, I knew that he was telling the truth and that he had never slept with Cat. If not, she wouldn't have asked me what he was like in bed.
So, all the reasons I had to doubt my gay theory were crashing. He wasn't attracted to me, he never slept with Cat, and he probably kissed Toni Taylor just for the diversion, like he claimed.
The more I thought about it, the more I thought that Clark was gay, and in love with Superman. And that Superman probably didn't know it, and just considered Clark as his old best friend while Clark was fantasizing about him as much as I was. Luckily, Superman was heterosexual; after all, he was affected by the pheromone, and I was the one he said he loved.
However I still wasn't very sure about Clark's sexual preferences. I needed more evidence to be definitely persuaded that he really was gay. Somehow, I didn't like the idea. I had to be sure whether Clark was gay or not. Somehow, that idea helped me to become closer to Clark.
I could begin to flirt a little with him. I guess the idea that he could be gay helped me to forget my inhibitions. You're less defensive when you think you're not in danger. And I also think that maybe I liked the idea of him being attracted to me while we were flirting a little. It's flattering when a gay guy finds you attractive, because normally he wouldn't.
I don't really know what my reasons were, how it happened, or why, but I began to relax enough near Clark to become closer to him, and have a light flirt with him, while I suspected that he was gay.
I don't remember exactly, something like two or three weeks after the pheromone story, we had to live together in the Honeymoon Suite of the Lexor, for an investigation. At first, I disliked the idea because maybe he wasn't gay! And if he wasn't, then he was a normal guy with a lot of testosterone and naturally unable to restrain himself when with a girl.
That was the way I pictured men, because of some disastrous experiences that I had had before Clark. So disliking the idea of sharing the same room with a guy was a normal reaction, and I was totally prepared to make him regret any wrong moves in my direction.
But that wasn't Clark. He was a gentleman. He didn't try anything. Of course not. And I relaxed quickly at the idea of living with him for a few days, even if sharing space like that was still distressing for someone who had never done it before.
Actually, I even relaxed enough to flirt a little with him. And on the first evening, when we had to make our sleeping arrangements, he suggested that we could share the bed. He said that it was a big bed, big enough for two.
I was confident that he wasn't serious, that he was just teasing me, so I called his bluff. I accepted to share the bed. I thought that if I was wrong, I still could tell him that my response was a joke, that there was no way that we could sleep together. And if I was right, I would then be sure that my partner was gay. After all, no normal guy in the world proposes to a girl to share the same bed and then change his mind when she agrees.
But Clark definitely isn't a normal guy. When I agreed to his proposal to share the bed, he told me he was just joking, and that he would sleep on the couch. And he did. After that, I never doubted any more that he was indeed gay. Not until he told me the truth.
Some days later, a meteor was threatening to crash on Earth. Superman was the world's last hope. He broke the meteor, and disappeared without a trace. Nobody knew what had happened to him, and the world was still in danger.
He just had amnesia. Clark couldn't remember a thing, not even that he was Superman, and I didn't know it at the time, so I couldn't tell him. But he asked me to tell him everything I knew about the hero, and then he remembered.
He told me later that Superman was the first memory that came back to him. After that, how could I doubt that he was really and deeply in love with him? At that point, I took it for granted that Clark and I were both in love with the same man.
But at that moment, Clark's love life wasn't what perturbed me most. I was far more interested in Superman's love life. And I began to have the strangest ideas about that as well.
Until the Nightfall Meteor crisis, I was convinced that Superman was heterosexual because he had told me he loved me when he was under the pheromone's influence, and he kissed me. And I knew he wanted me, I could feel his desire, and so I had no doubt.
Of course, he was under the pheromone's influence, so he was kind of drugged, but the pheromone only made you desire what you're attracted to, so I still had hope that maybe, one day, Superman would act on his feelings for me.
But just before he flew off to intercept Nightfall, the meteor, I kissed him. And what was perturbing me was that; even if he hadn't pushed me away, he didn't kiss me back either, as if he felt no attraction to me whatsoever.
I began to doubt that Superman was indeed attracted to me. I began to doubt that he was turned on by me when he kissed me after the pheromone incident. I began to think that I had imagined all that. I wasn't thinking that he could be gay, like Clark, but I began to think that he wasn't interested in me.
I was pretty upset by that idea, so I tried to console myself with the thoughts that maybe he didn't respond to my kiss before he went to intercept Nightfall because there were journalists from all around the world all around us, with cameras and video-recorders. Kissing him in front of the whole world wasn't my best idea.
Of course, now, I know that was why he didn't respond to my kiss. But at the time, even if the thought crossed my mind, I didn't really believe it. I really thought that Superman wasn't interested in me. And that he probably had someone else in mind.
For a whole month, I didn't really think about Clark and his sexual preferences. Even so, that was a subject that was upsetting me for a reason I refused to think about. I guess I loved him, but I was still in denial. But for a month, I didn't think about it. I was too busy hiding my sorrow at the idea that Superman wasn't finding me as attractive as I was finding him.
So, I didn't think about Clark's sexual preferences at all until something happened that made me think about it so much more than before.
Clark's apartment was burgled. We found the burglar, Jack, and Clark got his things back. He said that he got back everything that was taken, but he was so strange I knew he was lying. I knew that something was still missing, and that it was something that mattered to him.
But obviously, he didn't want to tell me what that was. He didn't even want me to know that something was missing; if so, he wouldn't have lied to me. But I wanted to help him, and how could I do that if I didn't even have a clue about what was missing?
So, I concluded that I had to discover what it was that he was hiding to have at least a clue about what was still missing. The locks of his apartment were still weak after the burglary. He hadn't replaced them yet. I took the opportunity, and searched his apartment for clues while he was out.
That day, I had a great shock. And it was the day I definitely built the ridiculous idea of mine that would lead Clark to tell me his secret. Oh my God, how stupid I was!
Well, I was saying that I went searching Clark's apartment for clues. I found some… First, I found pictures of Clark's things that were taken. And on the pictures, we could see a globe out of which came a hologram of an old man with an S on his chest. Obviously, I had discovered the still-missing object, and it wasn't Clarks; it belonged to Superman.
But I found some other interesting stuff. I found a secret compartment in his wardrobe where Superman's suits were hung. That's what gave me a shock.
How could I explain to myself that Superman's suits as well as his personal belongings, like the globe, were in Clark's apartment, except for the obvious solution, "Clark is Superman"? That solution was definitely too obvious for me to even contemplate the idea. I came to the conclusion that Clark's apartment was in reality Clark and Superman's apartment, that they were both living there.
For a minute or so, I thought that they were such close friends that they had decided to live together, to be roommates. After all, Superman didn't receive a paycheck for his rescues, but needed nonetheless a place to live. So why not live with his dear childhood friend? But I didn't believe it more than one short minute. Probably because when I figured that, I was in Clark's bedroom. The only bedroom of the apartment. And just in front of me, there was the bed. A big bed. A bed for two people. The idea struck me almost immediately that Clark and Superman weren't just "roommates". They were really living together, sharing everything, even the bed. In my mind, there was no doubt anymore. They were a gay couple.
That was my ridiculous idea. You didn't laugh; I guess I succeeded in making you understand why I thought such a thing. Anyway, since I began to imagine them being a gay couple, I thought again about all I'd figured out before about Clark and Superman's past. They were together while they were traveling all around the world. They were already together in Smallville. So they weren't just a recent couple. They had probably been together for years. I figured that was why they never settled anywhere for more than a few months during their travels. Superman already carried out rescues, and they didn't want to be discovered. I even had the idea that the gay relationship they had was the reason why Clark had left Smallville in the first place. It's hard to hide something like that in a tiny town.
I realized that they could only settle in Metropolis because Superman had become a public figure. They chose to do it in the anonymity of the big city. Things were obviously very serious between them. I know how ridiculous all that is, but I really believed it to be true and I cried for hours in my room after that. I remembered every moment I spent with Superman since I met him, and everything just seemed different now that I knew that he was Clark's boyfriend. Or now that I thought he was Clark's boyfriend. All the exclusives that Superman gave to Clark instead of me sounded to me like a declaration of love. All the time I thought Superman was interested in me became time when he was just being friendly with his boyfriend's partner… I remembered once that Superman was in Clark's apartment one morning when I woke up after sleeping on the couch to watch over a man who had invented an invisibility suit. I didn't think about it at the time, but it was if he was in his own home. He answered the phone when it rang without hesitation. The time when he chose to live in Clark's apartment, without even asking him first, when he was suspected to be the cause of the heat wave. The way Clark blushed when I asked him if Superman took off his suit to shower. I knew he was lying when he told me he didn't look, but somehow, that sounded different when you think about them as a gay couple who hide their relationship.
I remembered too the first time I went to Smallville, when Trask found Kryptonite there. I made a joke about Clark's father being a cross dresser. Clark found my idea very funny. I though that was because I said it about his father, without knowing that it was his father. But maybe that was because I had said that to a gay without knowing it. Anyway, when I stopped crying, grieving over my fantasies of a love story between Superman and me, I decided that if they didn't want their special relationship or their sexual preferences to be known, then I would respect their privacy from now on. I would never say a word to Clark or Superman to let them know that I knew. I would never again try to know what was going on in their lives. I decided to be the good friend I should have been long ago, to stop mourning and being selfish, and try to be happy for them. They were both my friends, and they had found love. Both of them deserved to be happy, and since they were still together after many years, I could just think that they were truly happily in love.
So I kept acting as if I didn't know a thing about their relationship, and kept on being just their friend. But for some time now, the Daily Planet had been in serious competition with the Metropolis Star. And the paper was having financial problems. Clark suspected that the new owner of the Star planned "accidents" so his paper could have exclusives. So he applied for a post at the Star. It was an undercover assignment for the Planet, but I didn't know it. I believed that he had really resigned from the Daily Planet, because it was having financial problems, to go to his its rival. I was furious. And jealous as well, I have to say. At the Star, he had a new partner who was my former best friend, when I was in college. Linda King. We weren't friends any more because once she stole my boyfriend. I've never forgiven her for that. And then she stole my partner. I really was jealous. Clark was as friendly with her as he was with me while he still worked with me. But when he worked at the Star undercover, he worked with her. I felt as if he didn't find me good enough to work with him while Linda was. I just felt a mess. I was so jealous I even went to his apartment to yell at him. But in the midst of my fit of jealousy, I noticed that he was acting strangely, and then I noticed that there were two cups of coffee on the table. He wasn't alone, and he was trying to hide it. Of course, given what I thought his relationship was with Superman, I should have thought that he was with his lover, but I was so crazy jealous about Linda that I didn't think about anything else. I immediately believed that he was with Linda, and I searched his entire apartment, like a fury, for Linda. And when I searched in his wardrobe, I found Perry. That calmed me down right away. I remembered immediately that Clark was gay or that I though he was. And if he had to hide someone in his wardrobe, it wouldn't be a woman, like Linda, but a man… like Perry.
Oh my God. I was imagining things that I'm not proud of. Clark cheating on Superman with Perry. Perry cheating on his wife Alice with Clark. And I was shocked by the idea that Perry, too, was gay. I was so surprised and shocked about Perry, the man I considered as a father, to be gay too, and involved with my former partner that my thoughts showed on my face. The second I discovered Perry hiding in the wardrobe, Clark and Perry told me not to get the wrong idea, and then they gave me the right explanation. They told me Clark hadn't really resigned and still worked for the Planet, but that he was undercover at the Star. I was so relieved. I don't have anything against homosexuality, but to discover that the man I saw as my father was gay, just after discovering that my best friend and the man I loved was, was a little too much for me to bear. I was thinking something like "is there one great guy in the world who's not gay"?! So, finding that at least Perry wasn't really relieved me. But I was still deeply convinced that Clark and Superman were indeed gays and engaged in a serious relationship together.
I discovered the truth not long after that, and I felt really ridiculous when he told me that, in reality, he was Superman. He told me more or less one week later. A double of Superman came to town. He performed rescues, and arrested bad guys. That was a clone of Superman, but I didn't know it, so, for me, that double really was Superman, even if he had a strange attitude. He was a little brutal with the bad guys, and he treated me… well… differently, with less respect, and definitely as if he was interested in me. I knew that couldn't be the case since he was attracted to men, and that I wasn't one. But when he asked me for dinner at my apartment, I was so ecstatic that I agreed. I put on a beautiful dress, I prepared a candlelit dinner… I knew that he probably had in mind something less romantic, and friendlier, and I knew I couldn't seduce him. He was Clark's boyfriend. But I still wanted to have the feeling that my fantasy was real, just for one night. So, I really was taken aback when Superman, or his double to be exact, told me I was hot right at the beginning. I wasn't expecting this. I was very surprised. I thought he was gay, and nonetheless he found me hot. I remembered that he was indeed attracted to me when he was under the influence of the pheromone. I thought that Superman was bisexual, that he could be attracted to both men, like Clark, and women, like me. But I was shocked that he had tried to flirt with me while he had been engaged in a serious relationship with Clark for so many years. Apparently, they had some couple problems. I was very ill at ease. I tried to calm things down a little, and I discussed with him his new method of dealing with criminals, but he didn't go with that change of subject, and kissed me. The kiss was brutal, and unpleasant. I felt fear, I was afraid that he would rape me.
When he kissed me, I knew immediately that he wasn't Superman, that he was an impostor. I was so terrified. The kiss was broken by Clark's appearance. He entered my apartment, furious, and stopped Superman. They had an argument right in front of me, and Superman, I mean his double, almost hit Clark. He didn't show any fear. I was impressed. Superman left my apartment. For a minute or so, I was still shocked by what had just happened. That made me believe that I was right to think that Clark and Superman had couple problems. Clark interrupted the kiss and was furious, as if he was jealous. And they had an argument in front of me. He was so angry; shocked when I told him he kissed me. Immediately, I wanted to reassure Clark that his lover didn't try to cheat on him with me, but I still hadn't told Clark what I thought about his relationship with Superman, so I couldn't reassure him like that. But I could say something that would reassure him. I told him that the Superman who had just flown out of the window was an impostor, not the real one.
Later, we discovered that the double was a clone, and had died. That's when I finally knew the truth, knew how ridiculous all my ideas were so far. Clark and I were talking that night. He looked so sad I wanted to know what was wrong. And then, he told me that it would have been great if there had been two Supermen, because the superhero would have felt less lonely. When he said that, I believed that I was right to assume that there was trouble in their relationship. Maybe Superman felt lonely because he was so unique, and Clark felt a little rejected or something like that. At first, I tried to joke to make him less upset. I told him that if Superman felt lonely, I was volunteering to keep him company. He smiled at that, but he still looked very sad. Of course, it was he who felt lonely because he was unique, but I didn't know it. And I really wanted to help him feel better, because he was my best friend, so I decided to reassure him about Superman's love. I was sure that was that the problem, that he doubted the love of his lover. I told him that he didn't have to worry because even if Superman felt lonely sometimes, he knew he wasn't, and knew he was loved. I added to Clark that I was sure that Superman really loved him too.
Clark looked really puzzled while I was speaking, and he asked me what I was talking about. I thought that he was denying it, so I told him that I had known for some time that he and Superman were a couple. He looked to me very oddly and said defensively that he wasn't gay. That looked really like a denial to me, so I insisted, telling him that it was okay with me, and that I would never tell anyone what I knew. But he kept on denying it, of course! That was upsetting me. He didn't trust me enough to admit the truth when I had already figured everything out. So, I insisted too. I told him all the little things that were proof to me that he and Superman were together. He really was taken aback. Finally, when I challenged him to deny it again, he laughed and said that he couldn't believe I'd collected all these clues and that I hadn't figured out the truth. I was almost angry at this point that he was still denying. He interrupted me and said again that he wasn't gay, and neither was Superman. And he added that, even if they were, they couldn't have a relationship together because he was Superman. That's the way he told me the truth.
My first reflex was to not believe him, but he was so deadly serious. And when he took off the glasses… my anger left me right away. I know I should have been really furious that he was lying to me, and made me believe that they were two people, but I couldn't. I was definitely too embarrassed about all the ridiculous ideas of mine to be angry with him. And he was really embarrassed, too. I guess that's why he told me. It was easier for him to confess that he was Superman than to pretend to be gay and involved in a relationship with himself.
Clark landed on the balcony of his house. Immediately, he heard laughs coming from the kitchen. He smiled. It was a good feeling to return home to see his wife and his son laughing together. He loved his family so much. Entering the room, he said hello to John and kissed Lois before asking:
"So, I can hear the joke?"
"We were just discussing the way you told Mom you are Superman. I promised her I wouldn't laugh but I couldn't help myself," answered his son. "Anyway, Dad, I understand perfectly why you told her before you even started dating, but that doesn't help me."
"He started dating Jennifer, and she told him she loved him. Now, he has to tell her the truth," explained Lois.
"Oh, you have a big problem, John."
"I know. Actually, I wanted you to give me some advice, Dad. How do you think I have to tell her?"
Clark thought a while about his son's question before answering.
"Jennifer is so like your mother… If I were you, I would tell her with a bulletproof vest on. And… son? Do it quickly; it will be less painful. You'll just have to crawl for a few weeks."