50 First Revelations By MetroRhodes And Sue S Rated: PG-13 Submitted: April, 2007 All characters and settings are the property of DC Comics, Warner Bros., and whoever else can legally lay claim to them. No copyright infringement is intended. This story was written purely for fun, not for profit, but the story is an original idea and belongs to me. A thank you to the writers of Lois & Clark, without them we wouldn't have this wonderful world to play in. Thank you Sue... not only for always being willing to beta the constant barrage of stories I send your way, but for allowing me to rope you in to co-write this story with me -- DJ. And thank you to Julie (Jomurf) for being the GE on this monster. ******************** Clark Kent is Superman... Lois woke with a start, her calf muscle drawing up into a charley horse. Ouch. She alternated pointing her toes and drawing them back, trying to work it out. She sat up in bed and reached down to rub and soothe the protesting limb. Now, what had awakened her so suddenly? Clark Kent is Superman... The thought was screaming at her. It was true. He was Superman. It was as plain as... as vanilla ice cream without chocolate sauce. She shook her head trying to clear some of the fog. Had that realization just come to her? In her dreams? No. No, it was coming back to her now. Clark's parents had been kidnapped. Nigel had wanted her dead. She'd petitioned Superman to freeze her so she would appear to be dead, and just before he'd done as she asked... he had touched her, cupped her face... Just like Clark! Clark had touched her the same way, only hours before, when she'd told him she would do anything to help him get his parents back. And she had... up to and including almost dying for them. And yet... She hadn't even known whom she was doing it for. Superman. Feeling a little woozy, she lay back down in bed. She remembered now with startling clarity – as soon as Superman had touched her, the feeling had resonated deep down inside her and she had known he was Clark. It was like someone had thrown a light switch. When she had opened her eyes and looked into those soulful brown eyes, she had wondered how she'd never seen it before. And she had known right then that, when he brought her back, everything was going to change. She blinked her eyes a few times, trying to get the sleep out of them. What time was it? It was still dark outside. She looked over at her alarm clock – four-thirty. She tried tentatively to sit up again. The room seemed stable now and she swung her legs off the side of the bed, standing up. She grabbed her robe off the end of her bed and made her way towards the bathroom. She knew her apartment like the back of her hand, and that's why it surprised her when she stubbed her foot hard against something... something where there should have been nothing. "Crap! Son-of-a...!" She hopped up and down on the other foot while grabbing the injured appendage and squeezing it tightly. She'd be lucky if she hadn't broken a toe! She bent over and squinted through the darkness to get a better look at the offensive object. It was a potted plant... the kind that you would get delivered from a flower shop. Except that it was a nicer one than you would usually get delivered – planted inside a heavy, decorative ceramic flowerpot. A flowerpot that she hadn't ever bought. Where had it come from? It hadn't been there... before. How had it gotten in her apartment? She immediately became paranoid. Had someone broken into her apartment? Oh, yeah, Lane, brilliant. Someone broke into your apartment to leave you a potted plant. Yeah, that made a lot of sense. Still... where had it come from? She grabbed the crystal candlestick off of her dresser and held it up, wielding it as a weapon. She went methodically through her apartment, just to make sure no one *had* broken in... and might still be there. She left the lights off, hoping it would give her the advantage over them. Clark. She should call, Clark... err... Superman. In case someone *was* here. Shouldn't she? No. No, she shouldn't. What would she say? He didn't even know that she knew... what she knew. And she wasn't exactly sure she knew how she felt about... what she knew. How exactly was she supposed to feel? She loved Clark... and she had loved Superman, or at least thought she had been in love with him... more like infatuated with him. And now, to find out they were the same person... Her head hurt and she felt a little dizzy again. She finished up her inspection of her apartment in her bathroom and leaned against the countertop, taking a few deep breaths. Clark Kent is Superman. She reached out and flipped the light switch on, blinking a few times against the sudden onslaught. When her eyes finally adjusted she looked in the mirror in front of her. What she saw frightened her worse than having a new decoration in her bedroom. Her hair... It was short. It had been cut. When? Why? By whom? She'd been needing to get a haircut – her hair was getting too long and unmanageable – but she hadn't gotten one yet. When she'd gone to Superman, err... Clark, to ask him to freeze her, her hair had been long, down past her shoulders. Now... it was short, up above her shoulders – and layered to boot. She never layered her hair. And there was a bandage on her head, up next to her hairline. For god's sake, what had happened to her after Clark froze her? She reached up and carefully peeled the bandage back from her head. There was a nasty looking gash and a well-defined bump behind it. Things must have gotten bad with Mazik. So where was Clark? He had just thawed her out, brought her back here to her apartment and... dumped her off? The thought made her mad. How could he do that? He loved her, didn't he? How could he just bring her back here and leave her after something as traumatic as what she'd obviously been through? Unless... No... What if... ...he hadn't made it? She felt dizzy again and sat down on her toilet. No. No, if Superman had died... if Clark had died... someone would still be here with her. Perry. Or Jimmy. Somebody. They wouldn't have left her all alone at a time like this. There had to be some other explanation. And the first thing she was going to do when she got to the Planet that morning was find out what that explanation was. Clark a.k.a. Superman was going to give it to her. ********** Clark had dreaded the thought of going in to work today. Lois was going to be upset with him. Truth be told, she wasn't supposed to come in today. Hell, Perry had practically threatened to fire her if she showed her face in the next week. But he knew Lois. She couldn't sit still. And after last night... there was no way she *wasn't* going to come in to work today. If for nothing else, she would come in just to confront him in the light of a new day. He wasn't sure if she would be hurt or if she would be livid. Either emotion was equally distressing to contemplate. He didn't regret what he had done – that wasn't it. He would stand by his decision. But what he was going to regret would be the aftermath. Hurricane Lane wouldn't be easy to weather. And if he had dreaded coming in to work – he had been dreading what had just happened, even more. Lois had just stepped off the elevator. Her eyes met his instantly. They looked determined... and yet, there was something else in them. Relief? Yes, it looked like relief and almost a... twinkle. A twinkle? How could that be? What was she up to? He watched as she pointed at him and motioned towards the conference room. He took in a deep, shaky breath and obediently headed into the conference room. She followed him inside and shut the door behind them. He turned around to look at her and she had a funny little smirky grin on her face. What was up with her this morning? "Do you have anything you want to tell me?" she prompted him, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. "Huh?" "Anything. Anything at all...?" His mind raced. What did she want? Was she expecting him to apologize for last night? To take back what he had said? Well it wasn't going to happen. He had meant what he'd said to her last night. He frowned, letting a sigh escape from his lips, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest stubbornly. The action seemed to catch her off guard and her smile fell. The confidence she'd felt about approaching him and telling him that she knew he was Superman fell – just a little – when he had given her that look. What had happened last night? Well, first things first. She was determined that she was going to get through this... they'd deal with whatever had happened... after. She had thought about skillfully trying to torture a confession out of him that he was Superman. But after this reception... well, now she was just irritated. So when the words came, they came hard and fast. "I know you're Superman." He didn't react. He just sat stood there staring at her like he expected her to continue. Did he already know she knew? Had she already said something last night? Had they fought and that's why he was being so aloof? "And..." he finally said after her long pause. "And? What do you mean 'and'? That's it. I figured it out. I know you're Superman," she stated adamantly, crossing her arms across her chest, mimicking him. "Lois, come on, quit playing games. I'm really not in the mood," he said wearily. "Let's just get to the point." What was her deal? Of course she knew he was Superman. What kind of approach was this to what he'd told her last night? He wasn't really sure where she was going with this. "Fine. Get to the point? Okay, I can do that. Why don't you tell me what went wrong?" He sighed exasperatedly. Did she really want him to rehash everything that he'd already told her? This was ridiculous. He moved towards the door. "Lois, I'm not going to do this. You know how I feel. I told you. I stand by my actions. Now if you'll excuse me. I've gotta get to work." He reached out to open the door and she pulled on his arm from behind him. "Excuse you? No, I don't think I will. I can't remember what exactly happened last night after you came to my apartment." He watched as she reached up to tug at her hair. "First off, can you explain to me why I'm sporting this new 'do'?" Clark shook his head in confusion. What? She was asking him about her hairstyle choice? What did that have to do with anything? "How should I know – you chose it," he answered her exasperatedly. She frowned, looking confused, and he sighed, deciding to indulge her a little. He'd take his best stab at what she wanted him to say. "You said it had something to do with wanting to get a fresh start. That getting a new haircut sort of physically embodied that *fresh start* for you." What? What was he talking about? *She* chose this haircut? Just like that? On the spur of the moment? After being frozen and held by a madman? That didn't sound like her... But, then again, hadn't he warned her that she could possibly suffer some serious side effects from being frozen? Hadn't he even mentioned something along the lines of an aneurysm? Maybe this was some sort of weird side effect... A deep sense of horror overcame her as she wondered what other lifestyle changes she had made before coming to her senses. She quickly thought back to that morning, she didn't remember seeing any piercings or tattoos or anything like that when she had put her make-up on. So maybe her haircut had been the worst of it. What bothered her more, though, and seemed even stranger, was that Clark seemed absolutely confused by her question. "Clark. I'm really getting tired of playing games..." "You are!" he exclaimed sarcastically, pulling his arm away. "Just stop. Okay? Just stop for a minute and let me get my bearings," she told him, her voice a tangle of both irritation and desperation. "The last thing I remember was asking you to freeze me so that we could save your parents. That's the last real thing I remember. Then I woke up in bed this morning and..." She broke off because his face had gone absolutely pale. "What do you mean that's the last thing you remember?" he asked her, his voice eerily quiet. "Exactly what I said. That's the last thing I remember. I remember you reaching out to touch me and realizing that, you, Superman, and, you, Clark, were the same person. Then you told me to close my eyes and... I woke up in bed last night, a bump on my head and a new hairstyle later." She was beginning to feel a little unsettled because the longer she talked the more pale he was becoming. Finally he grabbed a chair and took a seat, running a hand through his hair. "Clark, did something go wrong? How did I get this?" She reached up and felt her head, wincing at the contact. "And why did you just bring me back to my apartment and leave me? After everything that had most likely happened, I didn't expect to wake up alone in the middle of the night." "Lois... I..." he shook his head and reached out to take her hands in his. Something was very wrong. Could it be from the concussion she had sustained? He couldn't understand how she could be *missing* so much. "I think you'd better sit down." He pulled a chair out for her and she hesitantly took a seat. "I don't know what's happened exactly but..." Clark was scaring her. Something really was wrong. She could tell by the look on his face. Why didn't he just come out and tell her? "What is it? Just tell me!" "That night that I... froze you. That happened almost a month ago." It was a good thing he had asked her to sit down because if she hadn't, she was sure her legs would have given way beneath her. As it was, her head was swimming and her vision was spotting and flashing. A month ago? How was that possible? She'd forgotten a whole month? No. That wasn't possible. The room blurred and darkened. Clark reached out to catch her before her body slid from the chair she was sitting in. "Lois? Lois!" He picked her up into his arms and carried her out of the conference room into Perry's office. "Chief!" he bellowed. "Clark? Lois?" Perry said, eyeing Clark as he carried an unconscious Lois into his office. "What in the Sam Hill is going on? What's she doing here? I thought I made myself perfectly clear when I told her to stay home?" "Something's wrong. She doesn't remember anything that's happened the past few weeks. When she came in just now she was all confused and when I tried to explain what had happened, she passed out." He heard the shakiness in his voice. It wasn't bad enough that he'd been careless enough to let her get hurt when Bob Fences had fired up that micro-transmitter – now it seemed there was going to be even worse repercussions. Clark shifted her in his arms a little so that her limp head was resting gently against his shoulder. "Dr. Peterson had scheduled her to come by his office later this afternoon for a follow-up appointment, but I think, under the circumstances, maybe I should go ahead and take her back to the hospital. Can you reassign my stories, at least for today? I'm not sure how long I'll be gone." "Already done. You call me the minute they find something out, okay?" Clark nodded at him and left his office with Lois still in his arms, headed for the elevators. Once inside he pulled the emergency stop button. He needed to make a quick change. Superman could get her to the hospital a lot faster. ********** Lois woke up in an unfamiliar room. She blinked several times as she realized she was in a hospital room and that beeping sound nearby was a monitor sounding out her own heartbeat. She looked to her left just as Clark lifted his head. "Hey," he said softly. "How are you feeling?" She pushed herself up on her elbows. What had happened? Why was she in the hospital? She wiggled her toes and fingers to establish that there was nothing wrong with them. There was an IV in her right arm and a small monitor clipped to her middle finger. She was in a hospital gown. Who had undressed her? She looked over at Clark again and then she remembered - Clark was Superman. He had frozen her and... "Clark! Your parents! Are they okay? Did it work?" His face fell and her breath stuck in her throat. It hadn't worked. Nigel and Jace had killed them after all. "My parents are just fine," Clark said, feeling the dread rise up in him. How much had she forgotten now? "You're in the hospital because you passed out at work this morning." "So you took me to the hospital? Isn't that a little extreme?" Why had she passed out? She squinted her eyes shut and concentrated. "You don't remember talking to me this morning at work?" he prompted. Oh god, she remembered now. A month ago? How could that be possible? "Oh," she answered softly. "Yes, I remember that now." She let out a frustrated sigh. "I remember that I don't remember anything." She put one hand to her head and groaned. "I really did cut my hair, didn't I?" "Yes." "How long ago was that?" "That was almost a week ago." She felt an urge that couldn't be ignored and swung her legs over the right side of the bed. She focused on the door a few feet away. It had to be a bathroom. "What are you doing?" Clark asked. Lois ignored him, grabbing hold of the IV pole next to her bed to drag it along with her. She had only taken one step when she realized there was a substantial breeze at her backside. It was the wide-open back of her hospital gown – ugh, who made these things? She reached with her left hand to awkwardly pull it closed. "Where do you think you're going?" he persisted. "To the bathroom. I suddenly remembered that I drank a lot of coffee this morning." She tried to look somewhat dignified as she shuffled across the cold floor, clutching her gown tightly closed and pulling the IV pole along with her. Under different circumstances, Clark might have smiled. Right now it was just too painful. He had hoped that when she woke up she would be back to her old self. Even if that meant she'd be spoiling for a good fight after what he'd said to her last night. He knew he was right. If anyone found out that Superman and Lois Lane had a romantic relationship... The thought of another Jason Mazik using Lois to control him was enough to send him into a cold sweat. He was certain his heart had stopped when he saw her lying so motionless on the floor after the explosion. It had haunted him and caused him to reconsider their relationship. Was he willing to risk her life for his own selfish needs? It had broken his heart to even think about not being with her. What if his dad was right? What if it wasn't possible for him to marry or have a family of his own? What if it was simply too dangerous? And here was the proof of all those dark prophecies. Lois had been hurt, almost killed, and it was entirely due to him. His selfishness, his desires, his foolish overconfidence in his own abilities. It had almost destroyed him to actually have to tell her that he couldn't be with her. Was he going to have to tell her that they couldn't be together all over again? He had spent all of last night remembering the pain and anguish in her eyes as he broke both their hearts. The ache inside him intensified and he wearily sat down to wait for her to come back. As she washed her hands Lois looked at her reflection in the mirror. Yep - the hair was still short. There was still a bandage on her forehead. And there was an entire month of her life that was lost to her. What had she done for the past month? Why on earth had she cut her hair? How had she come to terms with Clark's secret? Why was he being so weird now? What had happened in the past month between them? There was such a marked difference between his gentle touch just before he froze her and the guilty expression on his face now. She opened the door and came back into the room. He stood up, looking as if he were ready to come around the bed to help her if she even looked like she might stumble. "So how did I get this concussion?" she asked as she carefully sat down on the bed. "Superman was trying to save an island from being fried, so he destroyed this micro-transmitter machine. But it caused a malfunction and the machine blew up. He was trying to save you and the two criminals from being caught in the explosion." His face blanched and she could see his pain and worry. When he spoke again his voice was barely a whisper, "But I wasn't careful enough and you got hurt." His eyes looked a little glassy and there was self-doubt and blame in his voice. "I'm sure it wasn't his... your fault," she told him softly. "I bet you saved us all. Obviously you did or I wouldn't be here." She reached out and touched his cheek affectionately. "Don't look so worried. You've had amnesia before. Only you forgot everything. I'm only missing a month." She took her hand from his cheek to cautiously feel the bandage on her forehead. "So is this what caused my amnesia?" He shook his head. "The doctor says you're suffering from anterograde amnesia – it's a form of amnesia where you can remember everything up to the point of the trauma..." "But that doesn't make sense. The trauma was from the head wound I received... what, yesterday? So why don't I remember that or anything for a month prior to that?" Clark winced as if he'd been slapped. "I shouldn't have let you talk me in to freezing you." "What do you mean? Are you saying that it was the *freeze* that caused it?" she exclaimed in disbelief. "It's possible that my freezing you was a catalyst. I told you it was dangerous. I tried to warn you that it could cause arterial ruptures, brain damage, I didn't know what else. Obviously it must have caused some damage and then when you hit your head and got this concussion it aggravated an already unstable condition." It was hard for her to look him in the eyes... they were so full of regret and pain. "Clark, it's not your fault. I asked you to do that. It was my decision." She was certain it had been the right decision. Clark's parents were alive because of it. "So I was fine for a month and now I'm not?" She shook her head. "I don't buy that. Something else happened. I can feel it. What was so traumatic about the last month that I don't want to remember it?" She studied his face closely, seeing at once that he looked more tired, more guarded than he had yesterday - or her yesterday, at any rate. What had happened in the last month between them? Clark focused on the toes of his shoes and tried to think of a way to answer her. It seemed an impossible task. "Why are you avoiding me?" she asked softly. He shook his head. "I'm not avoiding you." "Yes, you are. You won't even look at me, Clark." In response he turned his head and gave her a weary smile. "I'm not avoiding you, Lois. I'm just worried about you." His words set off a feeling of panic inside her. She had an odd sense of vertigo, like she was looking over a high cliff and she reached out to him, suddenly wanting the comfort of his arms around her and desperately afraid that he was going to turn her down. "Clark," she said in a hoarse whisper as her hand touched his shoulder, "I'm scared, Clark. Would you please hold me?" He hesitated for a moment and then rose to sit on the edge of her bed. She sat up, wrapping her arms around him and he trembled. This was exactly what he wanted and it was exactly what he couldn't have. Clark closed his eyes and pulled her close against him, letting his chin dip to rest on her shoulder as he inhaled the clean, familiar scent of her hair. I love you, he thought. Lois, I love you so much. I'm so sorry... "What have I forgotten, Clark?" she whispered. "Nothing that won't come back, I'm sure," he answered. "Have you kissed me in the last month? Have I forgotten that?" "Yes." He shut his eyes tighter, feeling a tight sensation in his throat and chest at everything he was giving up for her sake. She didn't remember, didn't know, about the night on Spencer Spencer's island when he had bared his soul to her. She didn't remember any of those kisses and, somehow, her forgetting them now made it seem as if none of that had ever happened. The ache in his chest increased. Her lips moved against his neck and he went to pull away. This was too much. He couldn't hold her like this. Not ever again. "Clark," she whispered, tightening her grip on him. She brought her lips up from his neck towards his mouth. He watched with guilt-ridden hunger as her lips parted to taste his... And then he turned away. "The doctor should be here any time to check on you." He shifted uncomfortably on the bed before finally standing up. Clark couldn't bring himself to turn around and look at her. He was certain she was staring in bewildered amazement at his back. "It's good that you're awake so you can hear what he has to say." "What I really want to hear," she said evenly, after a moment's hesitation, "is what memories I've lost from the past month." Clark had something to hide. She was sure of it. He said he wasn't trying to avoid her... but he was. And it scared her. "Had we come to terms with me knowing... what I know?" She loved Clark. She knew that. But yet there was an underlying feeling of anger, right there below the surface. It had been nagging at her ever since she had woken up that morning. She had managed to push it out of her mind, but when he had pulled away just now, it had come flooding back. "I want the truth, Clark." "Not here, Lois. Not like this. Once the doctor comes in to talk to you and releases you, I'll take you home and we can talk then. Okay?" His voice was almost pleading with her as he finally turned around to face her. Clark hated that he was going to have to relive last night... again. He was going to have to tell her again, that they couldn't be together. He was going to have to see that pain in her eyes all over again. He wasn't sure he could do that to her... right now. She had so much she was dealing with. He would put it off as long as he could. Then another thought hit him. She didn't even remember the proposal! If she remembered nothing after the freezing, then she didn't even know... "No. That's not 'okay'," she snipped, her fears confirmed – he was hiding something from her. "Clark, those are my memories, too. And I have a right to them. And right now, I need to know. I have this vague unsettled feeling and..." The door opened and a kind-looking white-haired man walked in. "Ms. Lane? I'm Dr. Peterson." ********** "Can I get you anything?" Clark asked her. Lois turned in a slow circle in the middle of her living room. It didn't seem all that different, but it felt odd to her. Like that plant in her bedroom - whatever had possessed her to buy it? She couldn't have had it very long - it was still in good health and she was murder on plants. "Where did that come from?" She pointed at the plant. "From Star, I think. She said something about needing a plant in that corner for your feng shui." "Star?" "Your new neighbor. She's a psychic." There was just a hint of smug glee in his words. She was immediately certain that he had teased her more than once about her new neighbor. Lois rolled her eyes. "So she gave me a plant?" "You two seemed to have hit it off." Clark shrugged. Yes, she thought. He's definitely teased me about her. "So when are you going to tell me what really happened?" Clark looked away and blew out a sigh. "I should fix us something to eat," he told her. "Come on, Lois, you haven't eaten all day. Let me go fix you a sandwich or someth..." "Why are you avoiding this? What are you hiding?" "I'm not hiding anything..." "Yes, you are," she said adamantly. "I ought to know. You hid being Superman from me for two years. Either you come clean with me right now about what's happened the past month, or you leave. It's your choice." Clark thought about just leaving. They could deal with this tomorrow. But that was only delaying the inevitable. He was going to *have* to be honest with her at some point. Leaving now would only increase her frustration and anger. He could tell her that the dating thing just hadn't worked out because he didn't want to put her in jeopardy. He didn't have to tell her about the proposal. There would be no hurt feelings. No fight. His would be the only heart broken. "What if..." He cleared his throat nervously. "What if you're right and you don't remember because it was something traumatic that happened between us? What if your subconscious did this so that we could start fresh?" Lois looked at him in disbelief. Oh god, it must be bad. Part of her didn't want to know, but her curiosity won out. "I don't want to start fresh. I want to know what happened. I want my memories back. Besides, if you tell me what happened, maybe it will jolt something loose and I'll start remembering things on my own." "Let's sit down," he suggested. "This might take a while..." ********** Lois sat in stunned silence at the end of his "debriefing". He had proposed to her? And then he'd been upset when she turned him down? How could he have expected her to react any differently? But it seemed like things had begun to turn around from there until last night. His eyes had been glassy and full of pain as he told her how he had told her that they couldn't be together. Her head throbbed dully along with the growing ache in her chest. Was this how she'd felt last night? No. She had probably felt worse because all those memories had been real to her then, ingrained in her psyche. It had hurt much worse last night. And yet, this was horrible enough. "And so that was it?" she questioned. "You didn't give me a chance for rebuttal... didn't wait to hear my opinion on the matter... didn't even kiss me goodbye?" she exclaimed loudly, bitter anger replacing the hurt. "You just left!" Clark flinched, knowing that he deserved her anger. Had it worked? Had his being completely honest shook loose her memories? He wavered between shame and relief. She couldn't possibly be this mad unless she actually remembered, could she? "I'm sorry," he told her. "I know it sounds callous. But I know I was right, Lois. We can't be together. It's just too dangerous." "What about me?" she asked raggedly as angry tears came to her eyes. "What about how I feel? Do you even care? You sit there and tell me about proposing to me and how much you love me and how much I mean to you... but then you don't even give me a chance to reason with you? You don't even listen to my side of it?" "I can't. You would have only tried to change my mind and I couldn't let you do that. I can't take the risk..." He looked away, hating himself for making her cry. "This is so unfair! So one-sided. It seems to me that since *I'm* the one taking the risk, I should be the one to decide whether that risk is worth it. It's my life you know. Just because you've saved my life once or twice doesn't give you the right to make decisions for me. When two people love each other, they talk things out, they make decisions *together*." "See, I knew that's what you would say," he muttered. "And you had to know that I'm right about this," she retorted. Clark stood up impatiently. "Oh, yeah, it's *always* about you being right, isn't it? It's not about what's best for you." She stood up, too, smarting at the tone of his words. "I do not have to *always* be right! But I am right about this!" What irked him was that he knew she was right. He should have sat down with her and listened to what she had to say. But he hadn't. He loved her so much and he had known that if he gave her the chance she would change his mind. "Lois..." he started wearily. "You know what, Clark? I think I've had just about all the stimulating conversation I can stand for one day. I'm tired and I think it's time for you to go home." Her legs felt shaky and she sat back down, unable to look at him. "Maybe you shouldn't be alone..." "I'm a big girl. I don't need a babysitter. Just go." She blinked back frustrated tears, unwilling to cry in front of him. Clark wanted to reach out and touch her, but he held himself back. It would only confuse things. He didn't want things to be like this. He hated that she was so upset. But he knew he was right – they couldn't be together. "I'll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up for your doctor appointment." Dr. Peterson had said there were a few more tests he'd like to run before they could decide on a course of treatment for her. "Don't bother. I can take a cab," she mumbled. As if. The doctor had only 'recommended' that she not drive. She wasn't about to let Clark drive her there and, while it might be better if she took a cab, she'd make that decision in the morning. She heard Clark sigh softly and then walk away. A few seconds later she heard her door shut. Her eyes closed tightly to squeeze back the tears that had already started to slip out. ********** Clark looked down at the key he held in his hand. He leaned his head back against the hallway wall next to Lois's front door. This was worse than last night. An emergency had called Superman away last night. Actually several emergencies. He'd had a busy night. But not so busy that he hadn't replayed their final words over and over. He couldn't shake the memory of the pain in her eyes and the ache in her voice. He had consoled himself that he at least he hadn't had to withstand the fury of her words. Clark swallowed to work loose the lump in his throat. He hefted the Jeep key he held in his hand once. He deserved every word she had lashed upon him. ********* Lois sat up in bed, sucking in a sharp breath. Her alarm clock was blaring beside the bed. She reached out and smacked it to turn it off. What had she been dreaming about before she woke up? What? But that was insane! Clark Kent was her partner, her best friend. Superman was... well, he was... Unattainable. The thought wouldn't go away. And she knew it was true. She knew it was the truth because it was she herself who had uncovered it. It had certainly taken her long enough. A tight suit and a pair of glasses... Oh, yeah, she was a real world-class investigative reporter. She reached up to rub her eyes and then ran her hands up her forehead through her hair. A soft cotton patch on her head caught the attention of her fingers as they brushed across it. A bandage? Why did she have a bandage on her head? She got up out of bed and turned on the light. As she walked towards the bathroom, she noticed a potted plant on the floor that hadn't been there before. Where had that come from? She bent down to examine it. It had been watered recently. She closed her eyes and thought for a moment. Everything felt so hazy and disjointed, but surely she would remember having a new plant. After a few moments in which she came up with no explanation, she dismissed it. She would mess with it later. First... She walked into the bathroom, flicking the light switch as she went. She stopped in front of the mirror and confirmed what she had felt. A bandage. Then she did a double-take. What had happened to her hair? ********** Clark was trying his best to pay attention during the staff meeting. He really was. But he was a little tired – he hadn't gotten much sleep last night – and his mind kept drifting back to Lois. He wondered how she was feeling this morning. He had really wanted to call her earlier but then Perry had called this staff meeting and he'd lost his chance. He should have gone ahead and made the call, though, because now he couldn't concentrate to save his life. He glanced down distractedly at his watch. Surely the Chief would understand if he ducked out for just a minute or two to check up on her. After all... [Help! Superman!] It was Lois's voice. Clark was instantly worried. He jumped up out of his chair startling Jimmy, who was sitting beside him obviously lost in thought. "Hey, CK, where's the fire?" Perry had paused in mid-sentence, as well, and was frowning at him. Think. "Perry, I just remembered... I was supposed to pick up a... prescription for Lois at the pharmacy this morning and I forgot. I'll be right back." It was lame. But since Lois was injured and she'd had such a rough day yesterday, Perry seemed to buy it. Clark ran as fast as *humanly* possible to the stairwell. Then he flew up the stairwell to the roof, changing as he went. [Help! Superman!] She called out to him again while he was flying, increasing his worry. Her voice was coming from the direction of her apartment. He flew straight there and through the open window. Open window? On this cold morning? Lois was standing there a few feet away... looking upset. And cold. She was rubbing her arms to keep warm and he realized in irritation that being cold seemed to be the only thing wrong with her. The window was open because she had been expecting him. She had called him there on purpose. "Lois? Are you hurt? What's wrong?" "Clark?" she asked hesitantly. "It is you, isn't it?" His eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Of course it's me. Why would..." He looked at her in disbelief as she began to pace in front of him. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have *called* you like this. I'm fine. Or mostly fine. I'm just a little out of sorts this morning. Did something happen to my hair when you froze me? I mean, did it break off or something? Because it's shorter this morning and I'm a little worried. I know it must be post-traumatic stress or something because I don't remember anything after you froze me..." She stopped talking when she noticed the horrified expression on his face. "Oh god," she said and stopped her pacing, too petrified to move, "It's bad, isn't it? Did your parents..." He shook his head. "My parents are fine. You don't remember yesterday? You don't remember when I took you to the hospital?" "Was that after you unfroze me?" "Lois." He took her hands and sat down, coaxing her to sit next to him. "You have amnesia." She almost snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, Clark. I know who I am. I remember everything that's happened..." "Yeah, up to the night that I froze you, but that was almost a month ago. You've forgotten everything that's happened for the past month. We went through all of this yesterday. Do you remember any of that?" "No," she told him, her voice quivering slightly. She clutched his hands tighter, needing to feel something solid to ground her. "Clark, this is insane. How could I not remember the past month... yesterday?" "I don't know. But we're going to find out. Come on, let's go see Dr. Peterson again." He rose from the couch and she came with him. Once they were standing, Lois started to let go of his hand and then hesitated. Instead, she lifted her other hand to lay it timidly against his chest, softly caressing the fabric of his suit. "It's really true, isn't it?" "What?" he asked? "You're Superman." Her eyes sparkled. "Yes," he said softly, allowing a smile to slip through. "That's so weird." She let out a nervous laugh. "But it's a good thing. Especially since I can't find my car key today. I can't seem to remember where I put it. It's not in my purse where I normally leave it. Maybe you can just fly me where we need to go?" "I took your key last night," he admitted, producing the missing key. "The doctor told you that you shouldn't be driving and so I... took it for safekeeping," he half-mumbled. She frowned at him. "So you just took it?" She yanked her hand away from his, grabbing her key back from him and gesturing wildly with her other hand. "Just like that, no discussion? Did you know that I wouldn't remember again this morning? Is that why?" "No, that's not it, I..." "If you didn't want me to drive, all you had to do was offer to drive me. It's simple. You didn't have to take my key!" He mentally shook his head. Oh, if only it were that simple. ********* "Ms. Lane? You can come back now," the receptionist told her. Lois stood up and took a couple of steps before realizing that Clark was still sitting. "Shouldn't you come with me?" she asked him. "Um, no, probably not," he mumbled. "But we're dating, aren't we? It would be okay if you were in the room with me." Clark flinched. They weren't dating, not anymore, but now was hardly the time to tell her that. "I'll just wait here, okay?" he said in a strained voice. Lois narrowed her eyes suspiciously. He had been nervously aloof all morning. "Suit yourself." She shrugged and followed the receptionist to the exam room. Clark felt a sharp pain in his chest. Was this some kind of cosmic penance for the way he had broken up with her? Was he going to have to relive telling her that they couldn't be together until he found a way to do it without traumatizing her? Needing a distraction, he picked up one of the magazines lying on the table beside him. He was half-heartedly skimming artichoke recipes when he heard Lois say his name. He looked up to see her standing in the hallway and gesturing for him to join her. "Clark, the doctor thought you should hear this." He stood up and followed her back into the exam room. "Okay, let's start again," she said to Dr. Peterson. "You said that I'm not 'creating new short term memories'. What exactly does that mean?" Her voice was tight and strained. "Ms. Lane, you have what we classify as a form of 'anterograde amnesia' – you are exhibiting classic signs of short-term memory repression. Your brain is not taking your memories of the previous day and storing them in such a way that you have access to them. Your memory seems to be reverting back to the last memory it has access to. Now, I don't know if this means that you really aren't 'creating' new memories or if perhaps they are there and you just can't access them right now. It could be that they are inaccessible due to the swelling from your concussion." "What if it's not? What if the swelling goes down and I still can't remember?" The doctor fidgeted a little under the intensity of her gaze. Clark would have felt a little sorry for the man, if he wasn't feeling that same level of intensity himself. Lois couldn't make new memories? That was probably a worst-case scenario but it hit Clark hard. "So what is your professional "opinion" of what I should expect?" Lois asked, trying to keep her voice calm. "My *opinion* is that, at least until the swelling from your concussion goes down, you may experience this same type of memory loss each morning." Her face fell and she felt a little weakness in her legs. She could possibly have to go through this each morning? For no telling how long? She would continue to wake up thinking it was the day after the 'big freeze'? When the doctor saw her worried expression, he hurried to continue, "There have been several scientific studies that have shown that at night, when you're asleep, your brain is still very active. Many doctors in the field of neurobiology share the belief that when we sleep, our brains are repairing themselves - undergoing a "reorganization" if you will – cataloguing the events of the day. It's the time when your brain moves the short-term memories it has created, over to the long-term memory banks. But when this process happens in *your* brain, something goes wrong. Something is impeding synaptic plasticity from functioning normally. The memories either aren't being created, or they aren't being stored properly – as I said before, it's possible they're being created, but, due to the swelling, you can't access the area they're being stored in. So you revert back to the last memory you *can* access." Well, even if that was just his opinion, or his best guess, it made her feel a little better. "I'm sorry I don't have a more definitive answer for you," he told her, his voice sounding truly regretful. She tried to look on the bright side – at least he had good bedside manner. "Neurobiology is my field of medicine but there is still so much that we don't know about memory loss. We just won't know more until the swelling from your concussion goes down. Then we can see where we're at and if we need to run any further tests." "So what would you recommend we do for her in the meantime?" Clark asked, on the edge of panic. There had to be something they could do... besides just continue waiting. Patience and feeling helpless were not things he dealt with very easily. He was used to being Superman. To being able to help – no matter what the problem was. "Are there mental exercises she could be doing that would help? Is there a type of specialist she could see?" "Well, of course, anything she could do to "exercise" her brain is bound to be helpful. It would be good to get her back into her normal routine, doing things that are familiar to her. In fact, she would be okay to return to work if she would like. As far as seeing another specialist, well that would be up to Ms. Lane. As I've said, this is my field of medicine, and I don't know that anyone is going to be able to do much until the swelling from the concussion goes completely down and we can see what we're really dealing with." "But there is a chance that I'll revert to normal once the swelling is gone?" Lois interrupted him, mentally crossing her fingers. "I certainly wouldn't rule out that possibility. There is still so much that is unknown about the regenerative powers of memory and brain function." The doctor finished up writing the notes in Lois's file and tucked her folder under his arm. "There is one option I would like to present to you, Ms. Lane. There is a new drug that is being tested in clinical trials that looks very promising for patients suffering from various forms of memory loss. It was created as a treatment for patients with Alzheimer's and dementia, but I feel there may be some of the same pathology at work here. If you would like to participate in the clinical trial..." "Yes," she said abruptly, and then stammered, "Sorry. What were you going to say?" He smiled pleasantly at her. "We'll need to have you fill out some paperwork. Then we'll need to set up a schedule for you to come in so I can monitor your progress. Let me get you a sample of it that you can take tonight and I'll schedule you to come back in the morning to fill out the information for the clinical trial. Okay? That is, unless you have any further questions..." "Uh, no. I guess that about covers it for now," Lois told him. Clark could hear the strain in her voice. She was barely keeping it together. "I mean it's not like I'm probably going to remember any of what you've said tomorrow anyway. That's why Clark is here." She let out a small laugh, but all that did was make Clark feel worse. She was trying to be brave, to find a way to lighten the mood. "Lois, if you'll go on over to the nurses station, they'll get the paperwork started while I go get that sample for you." Lois walked out of the room, headed towards the counter. Clark started to follow her, but he was stopped by an outstretched hand from the doctor. "Mr. Kent? May I have a word with you?" the doctor asked him. His lips were pressed firmly together in a taut line. "Yeah, sure. What is it? If there's anything I can do to..." "Her condition could be permanent." So much for subtlety. Permanent? The word gave him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He may have told Lois that they couldn't be together, but that didn't mean he could turn his back on his feelings for her that easily. It wasn't like flipping a light switch. He loved her. And now there was a possibility that all the new memories he would create with her, working with her at the Planet, being friends with her... that she would never remember any of them? "Why are you telling *me* this?" Clark asked him, slightly confused. "Isn't this something you should be telling Lois?" "I would, but it's very likely she won't remember any of this tomorrow and it would only upset her to hear it right now. You are going to have to be her memory, Mr. Kent. You were about to tell me if there was anything you could do to help...?" Clark nodded at him and Dr. Peterson gave him a nod in return. "Well there is. She is going to need friends and family to help her out while she finds her bearings. Does she have any family in the area that can stay with her for a while?" "She doesn't have any family living in the immediate area, no. But I'll definitely contact them and see what I can arrange. In the meantime, I guess she'll be stuck with me." Just what he didn't want. He was supposed to be limiting his contact with her, especially as Superman... now he was going to have to watch over her constantly... "Good. I would like to continue evaluating her and running tests, perhaps on a daily basis - we'll see how she responds to the medication. This is going to be an ongoing process, I'm afraid." The doctor laid his hand on Clark's shoulder and gave it a pat. "Don't worry, Mr. Kent, you have my firm assurance that I'll do what I can to treat Ms. Lane. I'll see the two of you in the morning." Clark watched the doctor walk away. Permanent? He hoped the doctor was wrong. He had to be wrong. *********** Lois walked out of the doctor's office and spotted Clark sitting in her Jeep. He had brought the car around to pick her up. He was so thoughtful when it came to things like that. The little things... like opening doors for her, helping her on with her jacket, those morning cups of coffee – just at the right time, fixed just the way she liked it – all the little things. She had this *feeling* deep inside her that said that it didn't really matter that he was Superman. Somehow she knew that, in the past month that was lost to her, she had come to grips with who he was. How could she have lost that? If she didn't get those memories back, she was going to have wade through the emotions she was feeling right now – and probably not for the first time. It would be so much easier if those memories returned and the doubts and fears she was having were just automatically resolved. But what if they didn't come back – forget that... what if she never made any new memories? No, she didn't even want to *think* about that. That wasn't even a possibility. She *would* get her memories back and be back to normal... In no time. Wouldn't she? She climbed inside the passenger seat of the Jeep, thankful to be able to slump down into the solid feel of the seat beneath her. "Where to?" Clark asked her, a fake smile plastered on his face. "Don't bother smiling, Clark, if it's not real. I can tell you know. I lost my memories for one month – not the past two years," she grumbled. Clark let the smile slide from his face. "Lois, it's going to be okay. You'll see. In fact, I bet you'll be back to your old self in no time. Chasing off after stories, me running to keep up..." "Don't. Please. I can take the doctor coddling me, but not you. I know you're just as worried as I am." She frowned, staring out the windshield in front of her. A big bug had splattered its brains all over the upper right corner of her windshield. She normally kept her car so clean, when had that happened? Her frown deepened into a scowl - she didn't remember. Somehow she felt a certain kinship to that bug. Her brains were a scattered mess, too. "You're right. I am worried," Clark admitted. "But I also know Lois Lane. I know how strong you are, how... determined you are." He smiled warmly at her. "I know you'll find your way through this." She pulled her eyes away from the bug carcass to look into his eyes. They were so warm, so caring... and so afraid. She reached out to take one of his hands in hers and she squeezed it lovingly. The touch of his skin against hers mixed with all the strange emotions she was feeling, sending a tingle up through her arm. Clark traced one finger lightly over the inside of her palm. Suddenly she had this overwhelming feeling that she didn't want him to let go... ever. She rubbed her thumb softly against the back of his hand – more tingles – and then she ran it a little further up his hand, relishing the smoothness of his skin... the polished perfection of Superman. He had such nice hands; so soft and warm, with such tantalizingly long fingers. She laced her fingers in between his. Clark shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat. She was going to kill him if she kept this up. He needed to stop this, right now. He was supposed to be limiting his emotional involvement with Lois, not encouraging it. He reluctantly pulled his hand away from hers. "Okay, where do you want me to take you? Do you feel like going in to work because the doctor said..." "Are you serious? I can't go in to work. Clark, what would I do? I can't remember anything from one day to the next. Perry can't put me on any stories of any significance. If I broke the story, I wouldn't remember how the next day. If Perry lets me work on anything I'll be demoted to local dog shows." She curled her lip in disgust. "No you won't. We're partners, remember? I'll help you remember. You can make good notes... to help you remember from day to day where you are, until you get your memories back." "If I get my memories back," she muttered under her breath disgustedly. "Don't say that!" Oh, yeah, momentary lapse of memory. He was Superman. Of course he could hear her muttering. "Well, it's the truth!" "No, it's not," he countered, looking agonized. He knew it as well as she did. She opened her mouth and he cut her off. "No, it's not. Being despondent isn't going to help anything." She sighed and then sat up straighter in her seat. "I know. I know. You're right." Of course he was right. He was Superman – he was *always* right... or at least *thought* he was. She rolled her eyes in disgust. Wait. Why did she do that? Why did she think that? Why did she feel that way about Clark? She smiled. It wasn't a memory - not yet - but it was a feeling about a memory. Something had to have happened to make her feel that way. Clark saw her smile and gave her one of his own - little did he know what she was smiling about. "There, that's better. Now, how about we get you back into your routine, get you working on some *hot* story. That's bound to help... get your juices flowing." ********** "A ribbon cutting ceremony for the new library... you're serious?" Lois's voice came out sounding a little more sarcastic than she had meant for it to. "Yes, I am," Perry assured her. "I think it would be a good piece for you to stretch your legs on, get you back into the swing of things." "Chief, please. I didn't like those pieces back when I was a junior reporter. Do you honestly think something that monotonous is going to 'get me back into the swing of things'? Do you really think it's going to *do* anything for me, period?" She sighed exasperatedly. How could he expect her to work on something that trivial? They lived in Metropolis for crying out loud. Superman had gone out on three rescues all ready that day. There were far more interesting stories to work on. But it wasn't like she hadn't thought the same thing herself – she remembered mentioning 'dog shows' to Clark... "Lois, honey..." But just because she had thought the same thing earlier, didn't necessarily mean it was a good idea. "Don't you trust me? Have you really lost that much faith in me? Geez, one little bump on the head and I'm demoted to stories that would be better suited for... Ralph!" She was being emotional and irrational. She knew she was. She knew Perry had to do what was in the best interests of the paper. And what was in the paper's best interests was not having a reporter who couldn't remember things from one day to the next. How could she work on their more intricate stories like this? "I'm back," Clark said as he walked through Perry's door. "Sorry. I can't believe I forgot to turn my iron off this morning." Lois rolled her eyes. He had to come up with better excuses. She couldn't believe she had bought so many of those lame ducks. "So what's the assignment, Chief?" "He's putting you on the break-in story at STAR Labs," Lois informed him bitterly, "And he's asked me to cover the ribbon cutting ceremony at the new library." She flashed him a fake smile. "Because that's the type of story that really needs the hard-edged expertise of an award-winning journalist." Perry and Clark both shifted uncomfortably on their feet, their eyes looking anywhere but at Lois. Clark knew that Perry was just trying to take the safe route, but he also knew that a library-opening story was not going to help Lois. It was selfish of him not to want to partner with Lois. He was her memory now, according to Dr. Peterson. More importantly, he was still her partner and he couldn't let his own fears and frustrations make her condition even worse. "We're partners, Chief," he said, catching Perry's eye. "Clark, you know that I..." Perry began. "I miss my partner. Let us both work on the STAR Labs break-in. I'll take full responsibility," he assured him, putting as much weight behind his words as he could. Lois looked like she could kiss him. He pushed that thought from his mind – better not to think about that. It would do no good to think about her lips, how soft and supple they looked just now or to remember how good she tasted when he kissed them. Even now her hair had that one rebellious strand that had come untucked from behind her ear. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and sweep it back where it belonged. Only the fact that they were in Perry's office and that he had never been able to do so yet without letting his fingers pause, however briefly, against her cheek stopped him. No, he shouldn't think about such things. It was so... unproductive. "We'll be working together on it," he reminded Perry. "And she can make good notes on anything she follows up by herself." Lois nodded in agreement and held her breath. Perry looked conflicted between doing what he had been told to do, and doing what he probably had wanted to do from the beginning. "Okay." His usual sparkle returned to his eyes. "Don't just stand there. Get out there and find me some page one news." Clark opened the door for Lois, resting his hand at the small of her back as he followed her out of the office. That gesture wasn't unproductive at all, he told himself. That was just good manners. Halfway to her desk, she stopped and turned, effectively hurling herself into his arms. "Thanks," she murmured against his neck. The sensation sent a shiver through him and he reflexively returned the hug. "For what? For wanting to work with my partner?" He knew he should step back now, but he couldn't make himself do so. He stopped himself from allowing his hand to caress her back. She wasn't sure but there was something wrong with how he had said 'partner'. He seemed so tense and it made her feel strangely uneasy. "Clark, I mean it. Thank you." She stepped back to end the hug. Her hands caught his as he pulled away from her and she squeezed them. "You're welcome." He looked down at their joined hands and felt awkward. She was looking at him expectantly and his mind raced to find something to say. "Um, Dr. Peterson mentioned that you might want to have someone stay with you. Do you want me to call your mom and see if she could..." "I've lost my memory, Clark, not my mind," she said and released his hands. Why was he being so distant? "I can't handle my mom right now." "What about Lucy?" What about *him*? Why wasn't *he* offering to stay with her? Or let her stay with him? It hadn't been that long since Kyle Griffin had reappeared and Clark offered to her stay with him. She had, of course, declined. They had just started dating and it would have felt uncomfortable to be there with him. Clark had coerced Jimmy into offering and she had elected to stay with him instead, which had turned out to be a nightmare. But now... If Clark were to offer now, she might just take him up on it. If you couldn't trust Superman, who could you trust? For some reason, though, he didn't seem inclined to make the offer. The thought flickered through her mind that he was avoiding her. But that was silly – hadn't he just insisted on them working together as partners? "Lucy's got classes right now and she works on top of that," Lois explained to him. "She doesn't have time to play babysitter to me." She hesitated for just a moment before forging ahead with, "Why couldn't you come over?" The look on his face said it all. He looked... uneasy. Disappointment welled up inside her. He really was avoiding her – but why? Not wanting to give him a chance to rebuff her offer, she bit back her frustration and continued, "I meant first thing in the morning. You could check on me before I go into work. It's not like I'm going to burn the place to the ground if I'm left alone." "I don't think you should be alone when you wake up in the morning. You'll wake up again totally disoriented, wondering how you got that bump on your head and why you cut your hair. I'm sure that has to be a little scary." Clark sighed and wished he could have offered to stay with her. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that was what she had been suggesting before. But that was impossible now. He couldn't be around her like that and she didn't realize that they weren't together. He didn't want to have to tell her. Again. "Don't you mean *if*?" She raised one eyebrow at him. "Huh?" "*If* I wake up disoriented." He squirmed uncomfortably. "Um, yeah, *if*." She eyed him pointedly. "Didn't you just scold me earlier for something along the same lines? Something about not being despondent?" She poked him in the ribs and was delighted to see him finally smile. "This is not going to beat me. I am going to get better, you'll see." "I know you are," he told her, trying to make his voice sound positive. He wanted to believe that as much as she did. "I just meant... well, in case you woke up again with no memory, maybe it would be better if someone was there – you know, to explain things." "Clark, I'm not going to be an imposition to anyone. If this does end up taking more than just a few days to clear up, then I'll just have to learn how to deal with it. I'm going to have to learn how to function on my own." She had opened a desk drawer while she was talking and was now rifling through it. "What are you doing?" "I'm looking for a journal. I bought one a few weeks ago. Dr. Friskin suggested that I might want to write down some of my feelings in it... you know, about you, and Superman, and... Dan." She sort of muttered the last name. She opened another drawer and began to dig through it. "But I didn't really use it. I didn't need to." She flashed a smile at him. "And now, I think it could come in handy. I don't want to lose these memories, Clark... these days. There are entire days of my life that might end up missing. So if I am going to lose them, I want to at least have a record of what happened and what I did." She pulled out a book that was the size of a half sheet of paper with a soft-looking maroon cover. "At least that's something." He watched as she picked up a pen off her desk. Clark realized that it was his pen - actually his *new* pen. He raised an eyebrow. He had searched his entire apartment looking for that pen. She must have borrowed it when she had come to his apartment looking for that pen. He flinched. That night hadn't ended in work. It had ended in a kiss on his couch that had left them both breathless. He would never be able to kiss her again and the loss was staggering. Had she taken the pen accidentally? Or had she kept it as a memento of that night? He turned away as she started writing. He felt like he would be invading her privacy to stand there and watch her. "Well, I'm going to call Bobby Bigmouth and see if he knows anything about the break-in or what was stolen," he told her, backing away. "Then we can call STAR Labs and see if anyone there has time to meet with us." "Mmm hmm," she murmured at him as she began writing. She looked at her first sentence. 'The Truth About Clark Kent'. She quickly scratched the sentence out. There were certain truths that she needed to know, but she was going to have to figure out how to write them in code. If someone found her journal, she didn't want it to contain anything that would expose Clark. She put her pen to the paper again. 'The Truth About Lois Lane.' ********** Clark never could figure out how Bobby managed to be so sneaky. If Clark didn't keep his super-senses tightly attuned to any little noise or movement, Bobby could sneak up on them in less than half a heartbeat... he had done it before. And Lois wasn't making it any easier for him to pay attention. She had her hand inside one of the delivery bags, feverishly searching for some hidden morsel to capture for her own. He glanced over to watch her withdraw a hand with an aluminum-foil-wrapped calzone in it. She raised it temptingly towards her face and sniffed it appreciatively. "Lo-is," he hissed and shot her an annoyed look. "You know that Bobby will pout and sulk and won't tell us anything if he suspects you of pilfering some of his food." "Well we got extra. It's not like I'm eating anything that absolutely had to be his," she pouted. She started to unwrap the foil. "I'll take you back to the restaurant to eat afterwards if it means you'll quit trying to snitch his food." "Did I hear someone say snitch?" Bobby's voice said from outside Clark's open window. Clark almost jumped. How did he do that? "Hi, Bobby," Clark greeted him. He jabbed his elbow gently into Lois's side. Even gently, it was still enough to make her jerk guiltily. "That depends on your definition of 'snitch'," she told Bobby, raising one eyebrow up at him. "Got anything good for us?" Bobby opened the back door of the Jeep and climbed inside, wriggling forward until his head was between their two seats. "Well, I guess that would depend on your definition of good. But... you know the rules... and I hate to see good pasta go cold." Bobby held out his hand, smiling his wide, smirky grin. Lois huffed in disgust and shoved her purloined treasure back down into the bag, handing it to him. "There. Now talk." "Mmm, Alfredo's. They have the best primavera." Bobby seized a piece of bread from the sack and took a hungry bite out of it. It made her mouth water. For some reason she felt as if she hadn't eaten all day long yesterday. She'd have to ask Clark about that later. "Okay," Bobby continued, taking hurried bites of his bread as he eyed Lois suspiciously, "I bet you wanna know some info about that break-in last night at STAR Labs, huh?" "You know about that?" Clark asked him eagerly. Bobby sneered. "Please. Who do you think I am? Huh? Of course I know about that." He rummaged through the container to find the warm package of calzones. He pulled one out and began devouring it fervently. Lois glared at him in disgust. Where did he put it all? "From what I heard, there were some research notes taken and a sample of a highly-classified drug stolen. I haven't been able to pin down a name for the drug. But..." He licked his fingers off and dug into the package for another calzone. "There's rumored to be a doctor there who is pretty easy to talk to if you get him distracted enough. I've heard he's a little absent-minded sometimes..." "Who?" Lois asked impatiently. "Dr. Klein is his name. Dr. Bernard Klein. Head of one of the research divisions. Real nerd. Likes his experiments and primates better than people – a true introvert. Anyway, he's the guy you should talk to, and, uh, I've gotta get going. The food critic from the Metropolis Star is meeting me for information about a couple of local restaurants. You wouldn't believe what some of them are trying to pass off as food these days. I'll see you guys later. Oh, and Lois, don't *forget* me." His mouth widened into a full-fledged smirk as he tucked his payment underneath one arm and got out of the Jeep. "Wait! Bobby!" Lois called after him. "Ugh." She gave Clark a frustrated sigh. "He didn't give us any information. And now he owes me a calzone. I gotta write that one down." "Well he did give us a name – Dr. Klein." Clark turned the key in the ignition. "I think we ought to go pay the good doctor a visit." Yeah, just what she wanted, to spend more time in the company of another doctor. This day just kept getting better and better. ********** "Dr. Klein?" Clark asked, extending his hand to the older, balding man standing before him. Clark found himself smiling easily at the man – he had kind eyes. "Clark Kent, Daily Planet, and this is my partner, Lois Lane." Dr. Klein gave each of them a short, distracted handshake. Then he turned away from them and went back to dripping a few drops of liquid into some beakers that were already half full. An ominous tuft of smoke wisped up out of one of the beakers. Dr. Klein frowned and made a note on his clipboard. "We were hoping you could talk to us about the break-in that happened last night," Lois prompted him. "Yes?" he asked, looking back up at them puzzled. His expression changed as he shook his head slightly and a look of recognition seemed to dawn on his features. "Oh, yes, the break-in. Not really much to tell." He picked up one of the beakers and swirled the golden-hued liquid around inside of it. He took a long stemmed dropper off the counter and stuck it down inside the beaker. After withdrawing a small sample of the liquid into the dropper, he then walked over to a microscope and picked up a slide, dribbling the sample onto it. "Yes, but since you work here, we were hoping you could give us more than just the "official" story," Lois urged him. "Hmm, very interesting," he mumbled as he put his eye to the microscope. "What's interesting?" Clark asked him. "While I'm sure that liquid is absolutely fascinating," Lois noted, throwing an exasperated look Clark's way, "Could you focus for just a moment..." "No, not the liquid," Dr. Klein explained. "The break-in. They didn't steal any equipment, computers or anything like that. I've spent all morning going through the contents of the lab and inventorying everything. There were only two things taken." Clark nodded at him. "Yes, some research notes and a highly classified drug..." "No. Some research notes and a mind-altering drug," he mumbled, turning a knob on the microscope. He finally leaned away from the eyepiece and looked blankly at them. Then his features softened and he gave them a crooked smile. "It's rumored that the drug was originally developed by Intergang – Bill Church." "Project Nirvana?" Lois broke in. The mind-control drug Dan had been working to uncover? Dr. Klein's eyes went wide. "You know about Project Nirvana? That information was supposed to be classified." "Yeah, well, I dated the DEA agent who was working on the case. I did some snooping around on him and found out a few things." She crossed her arms in front of her, looking satisfied at her journalistic abilities. Clark rolled his eyes. That was all he needed – to have Scardino show up in her life again. At least her amnesia hadn't erased the fact that she had picked him over Dan. He winced to himself when he realized where his thoughts were turning. What would he do if she decided... no, *when* she decided to date someone else? How was he going to deal with that? Dr. Klein threw Lois a quizzical look and then nodded his head. "I see. Work before love. I know that all too well." He dribbled some of the liquid from his dropper into a Petri dish and then replaced the lid. "Well, I suppose if you already know about the drug it won't hurt to talk to you about it. Uh, what do you know?" She narrowed her eyes at him and then sighed – give a little, get a little, she supposed. "According to my sources, Bill Church, Jr. was involved in a deal with Charles Knox, the head of Omnicorp, to try and get the drug released as an over-the-counter pain med for headaches. The unexpected side-effect, though, was that it made you highly susceptible to suggestion, allowing you to be, in effect, brainwashed into doing whatever the intended benefactor wanted you to do." Dr. Klein nodded in agreement with her. "Yes, that's correct. But it goes even beyond that. It's very interesting. The drug actually allows for..." Dr. Klein tilted his head and blinked rapidly. "Oh no!" he exclaimed and began to hurry from the room. "I'm terribly sorry, I need to go check on..." He was out the door, leaving both Lois and Clark to stare after him in surprised disbelief. "Well," Clark said after a few seconds had passed. "Do you want to wait for him to come back?" Lois sighed. "Come on," Clark said, taking her arm, "Let's get back to the Planet and see what we can dig up in the meantime on thought-altering drugs and mind-control." She scowled at him. "Oh, yeah, just what I was in the mood for – some light reading. Can we at least grab a bite to eat, first? You promised me lunch at Alfredo's – remember?" ********** Lois frowned at Clark as she took another bite of her ravioli. "You eat too fast." Clark had kept his promise to take her to Alfredo's for lunch eat since she hadn't pilfered any of Bobby's food - not that she'd had time – and she wasn't about to inhale it. Food this good was meant to be savored. Clark smiled at her as he watched her eat. "You should see me eat at home. I slow down when I'm in public." Did he do *everything* at super-speed? She sincerely hoped not. But, then again, she had kissed him plenty of times, and he certainly didn't rush *that*. This thought caused her eyes to give pause at his lips. Clark glanced over just in time to see her eyes darken just a shade. He swallowed as he recognized the unmistakable hunger in her eyes. It was a look that was beginning to *affect* him. Clark reached up and blotted at his mouth with his napkin, nervously clearing his throat. Lois came out of her pleasant daydream with a sigh. She watched Clark dab at his mouth with his napkin. Was that his way of telling her that she needed to hurry up? She frowned. Did he think she wasn't just as anxious as he was to get back to the Planet and get to work on the story? Her frown deepened. She was more eager than he was. She could feel the adrenaline rush of a good story and she was certain that having something to work on would go a long way towards shaking loose the cobwebs in her brain. She dug into her food a little more voraciously. He might already be done but it wouldn't take her long to catch up. Although, given that he was done eating, maybe he could catch her up to speed on a few things while she finished. But where to start? Might as well start at the beginning, she decided. "Speaking of," she lowered her voice, "super feats." She pulled another piece of bread out of the basket and chased some of the sauce on her plate with it. "What happened with Jace and Nigel? You told me this morning that your parents were okay, but what happened?" "What happened?" Clark looked down at his plate and picked up the fork still lying there, smashing down the little crumbs that had been left behind. "Oh, you know, the usual. Superman saved the day, rescued my parents and revived you." He could feel Lois's eyes on him. "Wow. So many details. I'm overwhelmed." Have you ever considered becoming a writer? She paused long enough to take another bite of food. "Come on. I've lost my memory for the past month. Indulge me with some information. Did I tell you what it felt like to be frozen? Or to be revived with your heat vision? How did you capture Jace and Nigel? Was it easy? Did you just swoop in there and wrap them up in a big bow? What?" She had put her fork down and was staring intently at him. He looked up, his eyes finally meeting hers. "No. It wasn't easy." The softness in Clark's voice caught her off guard. Something had definitely happened that night, something he hadn't been expecting. She reached out and laid one hand on top of his. "What happened?" Clark looked away from her. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to tell her that she had almost died. The gentle weight of her hand on his made it feel as if his throat was closing off. "Clark?" He cleared his throat. "Jace had Kryptonite. Nigel had given it to him." She gave his hand a little squeeze, her heart constricting as she remembered the kind of pain that vicious green rock inflicted on Superman. On him, she realized. It had been Clark – her Clark – that she had seen writing in pain under its influence. Somehow that made it even worse. "Jace had us, Mom and Dad and me, locked inside this chamber. It was filling with gas, slowly suffocating them, and I couldn't do anything because of the Kryptonite - but there was this vent. I froze it and Dad threw the Kryptonite up and it broke through. And then... And then I got us out and woke you up." His voice was deathly quiet now, not more than a whisper, and he had gone back to playing with the traces of food left on his plate. Lois could tell something was upsetting him and he probably didn't want her to press him, but she had forgotten everything from that night and she wanted to know. "Just like that? Did I just wake right up? Did you have to take me to the hospital or anything?" Clark's face paled and then he coughed. "Where did our waiter go? I think I need some more water. What about you?" "Clark..." She squeezed his hand again. "Please, I want to know." He tried to sigh but only succeeded in his breath hitching in his chest as his mind flashed back to that fateful night. She might have forgotten but the anguish he had felt that night still haunted his dreams. If only... he never should have agreed to her plan. It was his fault. It was all his fault. That night that had set in motion their current nightmare. "The truth?" he asked and she nodded. When he spoke next his voice shook a little. "You scared me. I thought I had lost you." He took her hand inside his, caressing her skin softly with his thumb. "I warmed you with my heat vision. Then I took your hand in my hand." He held her hand a little tighter. "But you didn't wake up." His gaze dropped but she could still hear the pain in his voice as he relived it. "I gave you CPR and I talked to you, hoping that you would hear me and wake up. But you didn't respond." His voice trembled on those last words. "I lost you, Lois." He ducked his head and took a deep breath. The next words tumbled from his mouth as he relived the nightmare. She had to know this. She had to know why it was so important that he keep his distance from now on. "I begged you to breathe. I pleaded with you. But you were gone and it was like the rest of my life stretched out in front of me. Years and years to go without you. A lifetime to wonder and wish that I had never agreed to do it. And then... you took a breath. I held you and swore to myself that I would never let you go." Lois didn't try to stop her tears. She wanted to tell him that it was okay, that she was okay, but that wasn't really the truth, was it? Poor Clark. It wasn't his fault that things had turned out the way they had, but she knew he was blaming himself. Had he even forgiven himself yet for what had happened? Maybe, but, if he had, this latest setback with her amnesia had probably re-opened all the old wounds. No wonder he had been acting so strange. "Did you take me to the hospital?" He nodded. "You said you were okay. You even got a little irritated at me and told me to quit fussing over you – probably because you had figured out my secret and were fuming over how to tell me that you knew. But I just had to get you checked out, make sure that everything was okay." "So how did I tell you that I knew?" Clark made a show of looking down at his watch. "You know, we should probably get back to the Planet. We really need to give Dr. Klein a call and see if..." "How did I tell you?" she interrupted him. Why was he so cagey every time she asked him a question about something that had happened? "Did I just come out and say it or did I try to manipulate it out of you? Did we have a big fight? What?" He squirmed nervously in his seat. No. He couldn't tell her about the proposal. That would only make things even more complicated. "I asked you a question and you took off my glasses and wanted to know who was asking, me or," his voice trailed off and he mouthed the word, "Superman." "What was the question?" "Question?" "That you asked me? What question did you ask me?" Clark cocked his head to the side suddenly and Lois grimaced. It was *the look*. The one that said he was hearing something she couldn't hear. She had seen it on his face many times... and now she knew why he would dash off with some lame excuse. "What is it?" she asked, disappointed that something was going to interrupt their lunch. She still had a lot of questions for him. "Fire. Some people are trapped. I gotta..." "Go," she finished. "I know. Go." She made a shooing motion with her hands. "I'll meet back up with you at the Planet." As Clark rushed from the table Lois forcefully pushed her plate away from her, no longer interested in eating. Ugh! Superman had come between them again. Huh? Wait... Why did she feel that way? Sure, looking back she realized that Superman had interrupted them quite frequently when they were on the threshold of some important conversation, but this felt different. This emotion felt... hostile. Strange, she thought. Knowing he was Superman should have made it easier to see him running away in the middle of a conversation. ********** Lois was headed to her desk, meticulously trying to remember every word from her lunch with Clark. She had to write it down in her journal. She didn't want to lose it if she woke up in the morning and forgot everything from today. If... Lois repeated the word to herself for reassurance - *if* she forgot. It was probably because she was so lost in thought that she practically mowed Jimmy down on her way. "Whoa! Lois!" She sidestepped him at the last moment, almost tripping over her own feet in the process. "Sorry, Jimmy!" she called out over her shoulder as she continued on her way. Then she stopped and turned back. "Jimmy, wait, I need you to get me something." "Sure thing, Lois, whaddya need? If it's about your story at STAR Labs, you remember that I've got a friend who works there. I could probably..." "No. Not for the story." Jimmy grimaced. "Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten how to program your VCR again..." he broke off, looking at her sheepishly. "Uh, sorry, bad choice of words." She smirked at him, crossing her arms. "Ha ha. Very funny. I want you to pull any and all articles I've worked on for the past month. Both the ones with and without Clark. This whole *thing* is making me crazy and I feel a little disconnected with everything. I think if I review what's been going on in the world the past month that it might help." "Sure thing." Jimmy turned and started to walk off. "Oh, and Jimmy? Get me all the articles I've written up on Intergang, starting with the ones related to Knox and that drug the DEA was investigating." Jimmy nodded at her and walked off. Lois sat down at her desk, her mind still going over her last thought. The DEA... Dan Scardino. Dan might have information on Project Nirvana that could help them with this break-in at STAR Labs. Lois eyed her telephone warily. She could call him, she was pretty sure she still had the telephone number for his office and, if not, it wouldn't be difficult to get. She reached out hesitantly for her phone. But *should* she call him? Well, why *shouldn't* she? How about because it might upset Clark? She rolled her eyes. Oh, come on, Lois, you're being ridiculous. You and Clark and Dan are all adults and you shouldn't let what happened stop you from calling Dan for some information. Besides, Clark knows that you chose him over Scardino. She grinned to herself. At least she hadn't lost the memory of *that* night. Clark could definitely do some things very, very slowly. She picked up her Rolodex and thumbed through it until she found his number. She picked up her phone and dialed it. The number was familiar and she realized that she had once had it memorized. Had she lost that memory in the missing month? No, she decided. She forgot Dan's number the night she had shown up at Clark's apartment and shown him who she wanted to be with. The receptionist on the other end informed her that Dan was out of the office but would be back tomorrow afternoon. Lois left the woman her name and number – at the Planet – and asked her to have him give her a call. Well, so much for that. She'd have to wait to explore that particular avenue further tomorrow. She flipped through the "S's" in her Rolodex a little further to locate the number for STAR Labs and then dialed it. If she couldn't talk to Dan, maybe Dr. Klein would have time to talk to her now. "STAR Labs, Mandy speaking. How may I direct your call?" "Dr. Klein's office." "Oh, I'm sorry, but Dr. Klein has asked that all his calls be held today." "But this is really important. I'm Lois Lane with the Daily Planet and Dr. Klein was talking to me and my partn..." "I'm sorry, Ms. Lane, but I can't put you through. You'll have to try back tomorrow." Lois hung up the phone in annoyance. Dead end. Everything today seemed to be a dead end. And not just with their story. She glanced up at the elevator. Where was Clark? Probably still cleaning up the mess with the fire... It was so frustrating to know that she was possibly going to wake up in the morning with no memory of what had happened with Clark, with her story, with everything and have to start all over again. Start all over again... She finally remembered what it was she had planned to do when she first came back to the office. Her journal. She had a lot of notes to make. Both about what Clark had told her at lunch today and about their case. ********** Clark stepped off the elevator, his eyes automatically scanning the newsroom for Lois. She was sitting at her desk, furiously writing in that burgundy journal – the one she had determined was going to be her memory. He started to head towards her when Perry's voice cut across the newsroom. "Clark." Clark looked over as Perry motioned him to come to his office. He glanced back to Lois and found that she was watching him. She flashed a smile at him. It used to be when he would see that smile that it would send a shockwave straight through to his heart, warming him from the inside out. Now... Now it began a slowly building ache that seemed like it was bent on suffocating him. When he finally told her what was *really* going on between them, this pleasant warm comfortableness between them would be gone. He dreaded it. He walked inside Perry's office and closed the door behind him. "Yeah, Chief?" "Where have you been?" Clark swallowed involuntarily. "Uh, trying to track down some leads on this break-in at STAR Labs." "Well? What have you got?" "Nothing yet. I mean, we've got some leads but they're all going to have to be followed up on tomorrow... nothing concrete, yet." "Yeah, that's just what Lois said, too." Perry walked over to his window and peered out, looking at Lois. "I'm worried about her, Clark." Clark felt a little uneasy in the face of Perry's concern. Perry didn't show this side of himself too often, preferring instead to keep that gruff exterior of his always showing. "Me too, Chief." "Listen it's getting late in the day and you two aren't going to get any further on this story today. Why don't you both go ahead and head out. I'm sure you've got a lot you need to... catch up on." Clark wasn't sure whether he should be grateful or fearful. Part of him wanted to talk to Lois, try to help her work through this. But another part of him realized that she was just going to keep asking him questions, grilling him about what had happened during the past month. He couldn't hide forever. "Thanks, Perry." Clark smiled warmly at him. "I'll take her home." ********** The first part of the ride to her apartment had been spent discussing the break-in and where they were at with the story. Then they had both lapsed into silence. Lois was lost in thought. What had happened between them over the past month? She could *read* about what had happened in her professional life. But her personal life? Only Clark could give her that. Something big had happened. She could tell. There had been little hints and clues all day to the enormity of an event that she had now forgotten. She knew what it felt like to be held in Clark's arms and the rush she felt from him at just the touch of her hand against his. It was almost as if electric energy passed between them at times, it was so intense. She knew he felt it, too. He had avoided touching her today. Oh, he had touched her arms and shoulders long enough to help her get her jacket on before they left the Planet. And he had rested his hand at the small of her back as they had stepped off the elevator into the parking garage. She loved those small gestures. But she and Clark had long since moved beyond such trifles. Where was the passion she remembered? It was almost as if he was afraid of the energy between them. But why? Why was he so hesitant? What had happened between them? Were they in a fight? Had they fought once she'd found out that he was Superman? Had she been upset with him for keeping that from her? She knew that's how she was feeling right now. She had done her best to push those feelings aside, thinking that she had to have already come to terms with Superman in the past month; and, even though she didn't remember 'coming to terms' with him, she didn't feel like it would be fair to open old wounds that were surely closed by now. But were they? If those wounds were healed then what was it? They had reached her apartment and she still couldn't think of how to ask him. Clark had insisted on walking her to the door, but even that extra bit of time left her still scrambling to figure out what to say to him. As they rounded the last corner before her apartment door, Clark finally spoke. "What time is your appointment in the morning?" "Oh, uh, anytime. I'm just supposed to finish filling out the paperwork and pick up my prescription. No big deal." She pulled her keychain out of her purse and nervously shuffled through the keys, trying to prolong the inevitable and hoping for an epiphany. "I'd feel better if you'd let me drive you." He knew she was physically capable of driving herself in the morning. But she had been right when she thought he would want to come by in the morning and check on her. She located her apartment key and moved closer to the door. "Oh, don't be silly, Clark. I don't want to inconvenience you." As she heard the words coming from her mouth, her heart pleaded for him not to listen to them. Why couldn't she just tell him that she wanted him to check on her tomorrow? Why couldn't she admit to him that just the thought of waking up in the morning with all her memories from today gone frightened the hell out of her? If she loved him and he loved her, then why couldn't she tell him how she felt? She didn't know. Something inside her told her that she didn't want him to see her fear – and that same something was telling her that it had to do with what she had forgotten. His hand came out to rest against her hand as she fumbled to press the key into the lock. The touch sent that electric feeling up her arm. "It's not an inconvenience. I would like to go with you." Her resolve finally melted and she let herself go. She turned and went to him, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she let her tears worry a damp spot into his coat. "Oh, Clark. I'm so scared." Clark's heart lurched inside his chest. "Shhh. I know," he soothed. "Everything's going to be okay." He rubbed his hands lightly across her back, the contact comforting her even as it seemed determined to tear him apart. She leaned back and looked at him with tear-filled eyes. "But how do you know? What if I never come out of this?" She snuggled against him again, hugging him tighter. "I'm afraid to go to sleep, Clark. I don't want to wake up in the morning and start all over again." He continued to caress her back and began to rock her softly. "I know, Lois. I'm so sorry. This was my fault." The guilt felt like it was eating a hole through his stomach. "No. Don't say that." Her voice trembled against his chest as she scolded him, but it was firm. "This was Jace's fault, or Nigel's fault, or any one of those other criminals out there who force you to make choices every day." "Yeah, choices that I never should have had to make. Not when it comes to you. I should never have put you in the position to be used as a bargaining chip. It won't happen again. It can't." The words were out of his mouth before he even realized that he was saying them. She pulled back from him and looked up into his eyes. "What are you saying, Clark?" The heartbroken look on his face frightened her almost as much as his words had. He released her from his arms and backed away, sighing softly. "I should go. You need your rest." "You've told me this before, haven't you?" The expression on his face was answer enough. "Lois? Clark? Is that you?" A familiar voice came from the direction of the stairs. Jimmy's voice. Lois wiped at her tear-stained cheeks and smoothed out her clothing, plastering a smile on her face as Jimmy rounded the corner. "Hey! You guys left before I could get you those articles you wanted." "Lois, I'll see you tomorrow morning," Clark said, walking past Jimmy. "G'night, Jimmy." "Yeah, uh, night, CK. See you tomorrow." Jimmy gave him a slight wave and then turned back to hand a stack of articles to Lois. "Here you go. Everything you've done for the past month, starting with the article on the arrest of Jacen Mazik." Lois was watching Clark disappear around the corner, a heavy sadness in her heart. She wanted to yell at him to wait, to come back, but not front of Jimmy. The boy had infuriating timing. "Thanks, Jimmy. I appreciate it." Her flat response increased the worry that Jimmy had felt since seeing the two of them in the hall. It was obvious that something had happened. Jimmy flashed her a grin, not daring to ask what was wrong. "No problem. If you need anything else I'm only a phone call away." "Thanks, Jimmy," she said again and opened her door. Tucking the papers under her arm she waved bye to him and then turned around and went inside her apartment. Part of her, just a small part, thought about going to the window and yelling for Superman. Would he come if she did? Probably, if she was *convincing* enough. But she decided against it. She had already used that ruse once today. Besides, she had a few hours to kill before it was time to go to bed, she would put it to good use. It was time to see just what she had been up to for the past month. Lois walked over to one of her loveseats and set the stack of articles down on the coffee table. She was just about to take a seat and start pouring over the articles when a stray thought meandered its way through the tangled mess of her mind. What about the *box*? If she was going to take a trip down memory lane tonight, that tour needed to include a visit to her box. She went to her closet and retrieved it. It wasn't anything to look at, just an old shoebox; but that wasn't important – it was what was inside that counted. She brought it back over to the loveseat and sat down with it, untying the twine that was holding it shut and pulling off the lid. She had always had a keepsake box. Growing up, she had put things in it like certificates of achievement, awards and ribbons she had won for her creative writing attempts and some of the first stories she had written up for her school paper. Since graduating from college she had put pictures in it, special clippings, postcards from Lucy – Lois smiled as she examined one that Lucy had sent her from Baha, California. 'The Perfect Man' - It had a picture of a gorgeous guy who had an apron on, a dustpan in one hand, a bag of chocolates in the other and a piece of duct tape over his mouth. Back when Lucy had sent her that postcard, she had *thought* that was the perfect man. It was amazing how much your opinion could change and as she perused her box further, she realized that this box confirmed that. Over the past year, a different kind of memento had begun to share space in this box with her other treasures. Memories of Clark. The first thing she had put in here from Clark – besides a clipping of their first article together – had been a simple little card. Its appearance was splotchy and warped with a yellowish-brown hue. Lois smiled remembering what had caused the discoloration. Clark had given her yellow roses after her first fiasco with Kyle Griffin. She had thought Kyle was playing a final joke on her and she had thrown the card, roses, and all into her trashcan and poured her coffee out on them. Only then had she found out they were from Clark. 'From a special friend.' The words weren't his – it was just a stock card from the florist – but she had saved it anyway. That had been before she realized how special that friend was going to become. She sifted through some of the other more recent items, smiling at the funny things she had kept. One item in particular caught her attention. A cork. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks when she remembered the night that cork belonged to. The night of their 'almost' first date. She had noticed the cork laying on the countertop above the small refrigerator that next morning and had pocketed it. She wasn't sure why. She had just wanted it. It had been a special night – despite her being sick - and she had wanted something to remember it by. Lois felt tears coming to her eyes again. What if she couldn't ever make memories like that again? Had they shared close moments in the weeks she had lost? What didn't she remember? What if the memories she had right now and the keepsakes in this box were all she would ever know of her life? All she would ever know of Clark...? A petite floral-decorated envelope in the box caught her attention. She didn't remember this card. And that meant it must have been something she'd been given sometime in the past month. It was a small card, like the one she had kept from her yellow roses. Had it been given to her by Clark? She anxiously removed the card from its envelope and saw that he had handwritten this one. 'Still dreaming about that night in the clouds. Take all the time you need – I'll always be here for you. Yours forever, Clark.' A soft sob escaped from her lips as she read the words to herself. How could she have lost the memory of a night in the clouds? What did that mean, anyway? Had he taken her flying with him? Just for fun and not because he was rescuing her? Had they kissed? She felt hollow at the loss of that memory, whatever it was. She read the card again. 'Take all the time you need.' Time? Time for what? To do what? 'Take all the time you need. I'll always be here for you.' The words seemed to imply that she had something to think about. That she was contemplating something. What? A knock at her door startled her out of thought and her heart soared at the hope that it might be Clark. No. No it probably wasn't Clark. If it were Clark, he most likely would have come via the window, not the door. She got up from the couch and headed towards the door, not really in the mood to talk to anyone. A quick look out her peephole told her that she didn't know the woman on the other side of the door. Her hand hesitated at the knob. She was tired, frustrated, and she didn't feel like talking to a stranger, even if the woman did have a pleasant smile on her face. She let her hand drop and was about to turn around when the woman's voice came from the other side of the door. "Lois, it's Star. I know you're in there. Open up. I brought ice cream." Star. That name sounded familiar. Star...? Oh, yes, Clark had mentioned the name to her that morning. She was Lois's new neighbor, the one who had given her the plant. Lois started to wonder how Star knew she was in here and then remembered Clark mentioning something about her being psychic. She rolled her eyes. This was bound to be interesting. She opened the door. "Hi, Star." Lois was about to tell her that she was very tired and had lost her memory and wasn't in the mood to talk, but Star came flouncing into her apartment talking a mile a minute before Lois could even form her words. "Hi, Lois. I'm sorry to barge in on you like this but I've been out of town visiting my sister for the past two days and I wanted to check on you. How's your head?" "Um, okay, but I..." "Oh, good. That was a nasty little spill you took. I was worried," Star interrupted her. "Anyway, I just got back tonight and I ran into Clark as he was leaving. He looked pretty upset and he didn't want to talk. Are you two still having problems? I thought after we talked the other night that you were feeling more comfortable about marriage and commitment. Where do you keep your spoons? Nevermind, I know." She smiled at Lois giving her a little wink. "I always know." Star headed off into the kitchen in search of the required silverware. Lois's head spun from the influx of information. Is this how other people felt when *she* went into babble mode? Wait... <'Take all the time you need...'> Lois caught up to Star and grabbed her arm to catch her attention. "What do you mean by 'marriage and commitment'?" ********* Darkness. A freezing void. Lois wanted to breathe but the air wouldn't find her lungs. She tried to scream but no sound came to her lips. She was going to die. Or she already had. But then... Heat. An indescribable feeling of warmth. And a voice... "Live," it commanded her. She tried to open her eyes, but found she couldn't. She felt the warm touch of someone's hand on her own, and then the soft caress of lips brush against hers as air was forced into her lungs. They protested the invasion, wanting to accept the life-giving air, but were not yet ready to do so. "Come on, Lois. Come back to me." The voice begged her. "Fight, Lois, come on, fight." It was like she was trapped in a thick fog, but even through her blindness, she recognized the voice... Clark. He sounded so frightened. 'I'm trying, Clark!' her mind screamed at him as she began to fear that this would be the last time she ever heard his voice. She clawed her way further through the fog. "Don't you die on me, Lois. Now come on, don't give up." His voice seemed to quiver. 'I'm not! Clark, I'm trying!' It seemed as if she could see a bit of light through the fog. Was that good or bad? She had heard about people 'moving towards the light'... "Come on, breathe, Lois. Breathe!" Clark commanded her, his tone thick with desperation. She tried to will herself to open her eyes. Breathe! Move! Cough! Something... She felt the weight of his head against her chest. "No..." His voice was barely even a breath and yet it was so full of pain. He thought she was dead. She exerted every ounce of strength and spirit that she could find inside her... and then her panic increased. The breath he had pushed into her lungs was escaping – she wasn't able to hold onto it. She coughed. Clark's arms were around her immediately. "Okay, okay," he murmured soothingly to her. She coughed again and then gratefully sucked in a deep breath. "Okay, okay. That's it... okay," he continued to persuade her with whispers as he clutched her against him protectively. She could hear murmurs of relief coming from Martha and Jonathan as well. They were alive! It had worked! "I heard you calling," she choked out, wanting to reassure him. "I heard you calling." "Shhh. Shhh," he whispered softly, holding her even tighter. She opened her eyes, expecting to see Clark and his parents; but, instead, she saw Superman's concerned face looking down at her. Lois's eyes flew open. Clark is Superman. She threw the covers back in her bed, feeling slightly claustrophobic. It wasn't a dream. It was real. That had really happened. Clark is Superman. It had worked! They had beaten Jace and saved Clark's parents. Her heart lurched with indescribable relief. But where was Clark? She wanted him – needed to hold him in her arms. She needed to talk to him, to sort through this amazing discovery. She knew she was right. What would his reaction be? Where was he? How had she gotten back to her apartment? She couldn't seem to remember... She glanced over at her alarm clock. She couldn't read the time – something was taped to the front of it. She reached over and turned her lamp on so she could see what it was. Maybe Clark had left her a note? She grabbed the note from her clock. It was folded in half and there was handwriting on the outside – *her* handwriting: 'Lois – you must read this before you do anything else.' With the oddest sense of déjà vu, she opened the note. It appeared to be some kind of a list - in her own handwriting. Thoroughly confused, she began to read the list... 1. You have amnesia – I know it's hard to believe but it's true (check the burgundy notebook on your nightstand for further details). 2. Yes, you know about Clark and he knows you know. Your plan worked (well, sort of - again check your journal) and Clark's parents are safe. 3. You cut your hair, don't freak out – I don't know why – and you have a bump on your head from a concussion. 4. You have a new neighbor named Star. She gave you the plant in your bedroom. Last night she said that Clark proposed to you a month ago. Maybe check with Perry about this, not sure how much to trust Star? She obviously doesn't know you that well if she gave you a plant. 5. You have a doctor's appointment to go to this morning and Clark will be coming by to pick you up. He's been acting very distant. It may be because (according to Star) you turned down his proposal. Again, need more info on this. 6. Call the drycleaners, your light blue suit is missing and you probably dropped it off there before this all started. 7. Check the expiration date on your milk. I meant to do this last night but I was too tired to get out of bed. Lois set the paper down and felt a little lightheaded. Her hand rose to run through her hair and she was dismayed to find that it really was shorter. She glanced wearily over at the burgundy notebook. When she opened it she noted with dismay that the date was a month in the future. When had it become August? But it must, or someone was doing a damn fine job of forging her handwriting. Amnesia? ********** Clark fought the growing anxiety he was feeling the closer he came to Lois's apartment door. It was like already knowing the end of a book but reading it anyway and hoping desperately that somehow it would change... this time. But what if she hadn't forgotten everything again? What if she managed to remember some of what she had learned yesterday? What was he saying? Of course she would remember some of yesterday. If not through actual memories, then certainly through her journal. She had written everything down. Whether she would believe it was another story. Uneasiness spread through him, settling deep in his stomach. He was going to have to tell her. Lois was going to keep pushing him, keep asking for the missing memories from the past month. He couldn't keep glossing over things and pretending like everything was okay between them. It wasn't. They couldn't be together, and he was going to have to tell her that. Wasn't he? He reached out to knock on the door, mentally preparing himself for Lois's confusion when she answered, and then he hesitated. Until she was fully recovered from this, did he have the right to foist the full truth on her? She had seemed so scared, so vulnerable last night. It wouldn't be fair of him, or loving, to unburden his conscience by telling her things that she didn't really need to know right now. Would it? No, it wouldn't. It could wait. What she needed right now more than anything was a friend to help her through this – even if she thought that friend was something more... than a friend. He put his knuckles to the wood and rapped lightly. When the door swung open, Clark thought he had prepared himself for whatever Lois might throw at him. He was wrong. Lois rushed into his arms, her lips finding his in a passionate kiss. As his mind fought to determine just why this wasn't a good idea, his body took over and his arms wrapped themselves around her of their own will. Lois clung to him. Oh, his lips felt so good. She knew that she had been mad at him for hiding from her, not telling her the truth about Superman. She knew that because she was feeling those feelings now. Everything was new to her. But those emotions weren't overpowering - something inside her was also telling her that she had forgiven him. And then there was her journal, which said Clark had proposed to her. Proposed to her! That was a hard concept to wrap her mind around first thing in the morning, but the possibility had been staring up at her from the pages of that journal in pure black and white. There had also been a card in Clark's handwriting tucked into her journal telling her that he would give her all the time she needed. Right now the only thing she knew for sure was that she wanted to hold him - and wanted him to hold her. And she never wanted to let him go. Clark didn't think she was ever going to let go of him. What had prompted this reaction from her? He reluctantly but insistently parted from her. "What's going on?" he asked breathlessly. "Remember yesterday you told me about reviving me and thinking you almost lost me? Well of course you remember - I'm the one with the memory problem. Anyway, I dreamt about it last night." Clark was so relieved that he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "You dreamt about it? So you remembered something I told you from yesterday?" "No, not from yesterday. From when you froze me. And it wasn't something you told me. I dreamed about how you woke me up - it was like I lived it again. Clark, I think I actually *remembered* something!" Clark felt a thrill of excitement go through him accompanied by just a touch of nerves. "Do you remember anything else?" Lois furrowed her brow as she thought for a moment. "No. I remember everything up through waking up in your arms, after you thawed me out. But that's when I woke up and that seems to be where my memory stops as well. Everything else I know because I made a list and wrote it in a journal." Clark watched as a curious twinkle came into her eyes. "Do you realize what this means?" He shook his head; she had lost him. "It means you have to tell me more," she said excitedly. "You have to give more of my memories back to me. Maybe I'll begin to remember more as you do." He wished that were true. But he didn't see how that could be possible. After all, he had explained everything in detail to her the other night, and she hadn't remembered any of it the next morning. What he was afraid was that this was just a fluke. But he wasn't going to tell her that. And he certainly wasn't about to get into their breakup, not right this second anyway. "We can talk more later. Right now, I need to get you to your doctor's appointment." Clark felt even more guilt at the look of disappointment he saw on her face, but it couldn't be helped. He wasn't even sure what he planned on telling her yet. He needed some time today to think about it. Lois frowned. He was being - oh how had she put it in her journal? Aloof? Yes. He was being aloof - again. He *was* dodging her. Presumably he had acted that way all day yesterday, if her notes were anything to go by. She wondered if it was because she still hadn't given him an answer to that "supposed" proposal. She had to find out about that for sure. She wasn't going to her doctor's appointment, not just yet. This couldn't wait, not even until after her appointment. "Okay. I'm ready when you are, but first I want to swing by the Planet. There's something I need to clear up with Perry." Perry? What was she going to ask Perry, Clark wondered? Something she came across when she was going over some notes last night or this morning? Clark wasn't sure just why but, for some reason, it concerned him. *********** Clark slowed the Jeep and was getting ready to turn in the direction of the parking garage when Lois's hand came out to rest on his arm. It sent a tingle through him. "No, just drop me off here, Clark, and wait for me. This will only take a minute. I'll be right back." "But if it's about the story we're working on, shouldn't I be there with you when you talk to Perry?" "Oh, don't worry. It's not about work. It's personal." She leaned over and gave him a swift but tender kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right back." She wiped her lipstick from his cheek and then hopped out of the car before he even had time to protest. Personal? As he watched Lois disappear inside the building, he wondered briefly if he could hear them from down here, inside the car. He could definitely peer through the building and watch. Mortified at himself, he shook his head. His mother would probably threaten to beat him if she knew he was thinking about intentionally spying on Lois... Not that he hadn't done it before. That had been different, though. They hadn't been a couple before. But they weren't a couple now, he reminded himself. He tore his eyes away from the building and looked down at the radio. Maybe it was better if he just removed temptation completely. ********** "Lois? Aren't you supposed to be at the doctor's office? Where's Clark?" Perry asked, his voice caught between confusion and concern. "Clark? Clark's down in the car, Perry. We're on our way to the doctor's office, but I had to know something. This couldn't wait." Perry's eyebrows went up a little and he sat up a little straighter in his seat. "You, uh, seem pretty worked up. What's on your mind?" "Clark." "Clark?" She nodded at him and then turned and began to slowly pace. "I know I'm missing a lot from the past few weeks, but I just came across some interesting information that I wanted to ask you about. I know you didn't get to be editor by being a snappy dresser," she quipped, stopping to glance at him. Off of his wounded look she hastily amended, "Not that you're not fashion-conscious, Chief..." "Oh, save it, Lois. What did you want?" "Did Clark ask me... that is... did I tell you about..." "I do need to try and leave sometime today..." "Right. Okay. ." She took a quick breath and then let the words tumble out. "I think Clark asked me to marry him before I lost my memory. Did he?" Perry watched her in stunned disbelief. Of course he knew about the proposal. He bit back a smile when he remembered Lois coming into his office and telling him that Clark had asked her to marry him. Perry had asked if she thought they ought to try dating first. That was before that fiasco on Spencer Spencer's island. That retreat really hadn't turned out the way he had planned. It was supposed to be a getaway for Lois and Clark. He was going to have to find a way to make that up to them. That is, once Lois got her memory back. Perry frowned. Of all the information Clark had no doubt given Lois since she had lost her memory, he hadn't thought to tell her *that*? You don't simply *forget* to tell someone that you proposed to them. Something was up. "Well, I, uh," Perry stammered. "Don't you think that's something you should ask Clark?" "That's the thing. Normally, I would. You know me, Chief, I don't beat around the bush. But what if I'm wrong? That could be a little awkward." She paused, looking at him expectantly. When he didn't say anything she sighed dramatically. "Well, do you know, or don't you?" "Yeah. Yeah, Lois, I know. And my advice to you," he looked at her very pointedly, "is to ask Clark about it." That was it. That was her answer. Clark *had* proposed to her! ********** Lois rattled the pills around in the little brown plastic bottle. Well, rattle wasn't really the right word. They were liquid-filled capsules and they didn't make much more than a muted clack as they bounced against one another. Thirty pills – thirty chances to fill in the holes in her memory. She glanced sidelong at Clark as he drove them back to the Planet. She hadn't figured out yet how to bring up the proposal to him. Part of her just wanted to blurt it out. Call him on it. She had tried to work up the nerve to do that on the way to the doctor's office, but she couldn't. And then she hadn't had the privacy to do it at the doctor's office, but now they were back in the car, alone. The other part of her, though, desperately wanted Clark to come clean, to tell her about the proposal on his own. Maybe even propose again. She looked away to hide her smile. Something was obviously keeping him from telling her, though, possibly the fact that she hadn't accepted his proposal to begin with. She had probably crushed him when she had said "no", or that she had to "think about it", or whatever it was that she had told him. What would she say right now? If he asked her again? She wasn't sure... She looked back down at the bottle in her hands. The pills were a golden honey color. They looked almost good enough to eat. She bet if she punctured one and tasted it that it wouldn't taste anything like honey. She looked over at Clark, again, her eyes going straight to his lips. *He*, however, tasted like honey, or something close to honey. She wished she could have a taste of those lips now. A movement distracted her from his mouth and she noticed that the little tic in his jaw, the one that meant he was working something out in his mind, was jumping erratically. "The doctor was very pleased that I had remembered something already," Lois said, unable to sit in silence any longer. "He said he thought the pills were working better than we had hoped. The one I took last night was my first one, after all. I think the visit was encouraging, don't you?" she asked, her voice hopeful. "Mmm," Clark mumbled distractedly. "Are you even listening to me?" she complained. "What?" he asked, turning to look at her. "Yes, Lois, I'm listening to you. I've just... got a lot on my mind, that's all." "Oh? Well why don't you share it with me? Is there something you are just dying to tell me, or maybe ask me?" The confusion she saw on his features didn't do anything to assure her that he knew what she was talking about, let alone give her hope that he was actually going to divulge anything to her. "Actually, I do." Lois's heart jumped in her chest. She tried to control her breathing and calm the beating of her heart, but it was impossible. She bit the inside of her lip as she waited semi-patiently for him to continue. "But not right now," Clark continued, not finding his nerve. This was all wrong. He still wasn't sure exactly what he was going to tell her or how much. Whatever he was going to say, he couldn't tell her here. Not like this – in her Jeep on the way back to work. It had to be somewhere private and comforting. It needed to be at her apartment. "Ask me again, later." He hated himself for the disappointment he saw on her face. What was she hoping he was going to tell her? What did she know – or think she knew – about what had happened in the past month? What had she asked Perry about earlier? ********** Lois was finishing up writing some notes for the day on their "nonexistent" story and her "nonexistent" memory in her journal when she heard Clark sigh exasperatedly. "Yeah, I'll hold." She looked up in time to see him run a hand through his hair and blow out a long sigh through pursed lips. It was about the fourth time she'd heard him utter those words and then sigh since he'd made the call to STAR Labs. They had been trying to contact Dr. Klein to ask him some further questions about Project Nirvana but, so far, he was still inaccessible. Dr. Klein must be a very busy man. But maybe not too busy for Superman? Lois got up from her desk and walked over to Clark; she looked around conspiratorially and leaned down close to his ear. "What about Superman? If Clark Kent can't get through to Dr. Klein, maybe Superman could?" "Lois, I do not use my secret identity to bypass... What? Yes, I've been holding. How much longer is it... No! Wait! Ugh... sure, I'll hold." He looked up to see Lois smiling smugly at him. He was about to say something when her phone began to ring. She turned back to look at it and then shrugged at him as she walked back to her desk. Lois had scarcely believed her journal entry this morning and she wondered if this was the call she had been waiting for. If it was, there was no way she wouldn't be overheard by Clark. Oh well. Tough. This had to be done, and if bothered Clark then he the one was being immature. "Lois Lane," she spoke into the receiver as she lifted it to her ear. "So I didn't imagine it. Tell me you called just to hear my voice." Lois rolled her eyes at Dan Scardino's attempts to flirt with her. She was still amazed that she'd kept his office number in her Rolodex. But it seemed now as if she might have a use for it after all - if he would help her. "I'm sorry I missed your call yesterday," he continued smoothly, "I was out... So, *is* this a social call? Please tell me it is. Please tell me that you've come to your senses and dumped that lackluster partner of yours... or better yet, he finally ran off and never came back." "Hi, Dan," she said simply, trying to avoid his comments as best she could. After all, she was going to need to sweet talk him a little if she was going to get what she wanted out of him. "It's not exactly a social call," she forced the lie from her lips with difficulty and glanced around guiltily. Clark was looking at her – correction - frowning at her. Well, that was what he got for listening in on other people's conversations. "Actually, Dan, I need your help." "My help? *You* need *my* help?" She grimaced. He was going to be difficult, after all. "Yeah." "My help comes at a steep price, Lois." She could actually *hear* him smiling through the phone. She furrowed her brow, raising her eyebrows. Price? She didn't ask, letting her silence speak for her. "It just so happens that I'm going to be in Metropolis for a few days," he continued. "I'm coming through briefly to testify at the Knox trial before heading out to my next assignment in Philadelphia. I wasn't planning to give you a call, after our last conversation... but if you need information, the least you can do is go out to dinner with me. My flight gets in tomorrow afternoon." So it was going to be extortion. She sighed wearily. Clark wasn't going to be happy. But if anyone could give them the information they were looking for, it would be Dan. She was fairly certain he would share more info than Dr. Klein ever would. "You don't even know what I'm going to ask. I need to know..." "Uh-uh. No way. No dinner, no information. That's the deal." She hesitated for a second before replying, "Okay, Dan," in a resigned tone. She could see Clark, out of the corner of her eye, as he slammed his receiver down, the look on his face way past irritation. "But it's just a business dinner, nothing else," she added hastily. "Well, yeah. Strictly business. You know me – all work and no play." Lois relaxed a little into her chair. He was teasing her, but at least he knew that she wanted to keep it on a professional level. "Where do you want to meet?" "Why don't I pick you up at your apartment and we'll go from there?" She tensed up again. "Oh, Dan, I don't know..." She could see Clark getting up out of his chair to walk over towards her. She needed to wrap this up quickly, before Clark decided he needed to intervene on her behalf. "Okay, sure, how about six o'clock?" "Six it is. See you soon. Oh, and don't expect me to bring flowers." He chuckled lightly and hung up. She put the receiver back down in its cradle and looked up at Clark with her best innocent look. "So, did you get through to Dr. Klein?" she asked, trying to sidetrack him. "Who was that?" She grimaced. No such luck. Then she felt a little irritation. Who was that? He knew who that was! "Don't give me that. I know you were listening in on my conversation, 'Mr. Sonar Ears'." Her comment seemed to have wounded him a little and he had the decency to look a little chagrined. "I only called him because I knew he could help with the case," she continued unabashed. "Dan did extensive research on that drug. Remember, he was up to his eyeballs posing as a dirty FDA agent in an undercover sting when Intergang tried to get the drug approved in a hurry." Clark knew that it was a reasonable idea. Dan was the only other expert they knew besides Dr. Klein. And Dr. Klein was proving almost impossible to get in touch with. Clark's heart feared another story. Hearing Lois talk to Dan had opened up all the anxiety he had tried so hard to forget. She might say that she was over Dan – and she very well may be - but Clark just knew that Dan didn't feel the same way. Dan had backed away gracefully when Lois had made her intentions known, but that didn't mean the jerk would stop trying if he thought there was the least little chance. "Then you won't mind if I come to dinner with you tomorrow night," he suggested. She raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief. "Clark, are you seriously jealous? You remember that I dumped him, right? Listen, I understand your feelings, I really do. But you know Dan isn't going to open up with you there. You make him uncomfortable – and that makes me uncomfortable. You're just going to have to trust me to do this one on my own." "What about your memory?" he challenged. "Don't worry. I'll write the appointment down in my journal and I'll take my journal with me to dinner tomorrow night. Nothing will be forgotten." Clark looked less than happy and Lois felt a little guilty. Maybe she could make it up to him by having dinner with *him*... tonight. He still owed her some explanations, after all. Explanations... hah, that was one way of putting it. "Besides, you're coming over for dinner tonight, right?" Dinner? She wanted to have dinner with him tonight? When he faltered in his response she continued, "I really need to talk to you and I really don't want to be by myself tonight," she admitted, her mouth making that cute little pout that was almost impossible for him to resist. He was torn. Part of him knew he shouldn't. He had told her they couldn't see each other any more. He needed to keep his distance from her as much as he could, in order to protect her. But she didn't know that now... she had lost those memories again and he still wasn't sure he was ready yet to relive them with her... again. What was it he had told himself earlier that morning? She needed a friend right now. He had comforted her before as her friend. He would do that for her tonight. Plus, he didn't really want her to have to be alone tonight, either. He hadn't wanted to leave her alone last night. He wished she had let him call Lucy or Ellen to come stay with her. She was so stubborn sometimes... Then, too, there was her dinner with Dan tomorrow. It really bothered Clark, more than he cared to admit. And part of his irrational brain said if she was going to have dinner with Dan that he wanted to have dinner with her, too. He knew he was being foolish – but the idea had been seeded and was now firmly rooted in his heart. "Dinner?" he asked. She nodded. "At *your* place?" Another nod. "Are *you* cooking?" That earned him a playful slap on the arm. "Fine," she pouted and then she got a little twinkle in her eye. "You know, Dan liked my rumaki. And I bet there are plenty of men out there who could learn to love my cooking," she stated matter-of-factly, giving him a mischievous look. He rolled his eyes at the further mention of Dan's name. He had heard the man's name too many times both that day and the day before – once had been one too many. Dan had finally been extricated from their lives a little over a month ago. It had taken Clark that long to forget him. And now, it seemed, he was coming back. Clark sighed in frustration. He could have died happy if he'd never seen the man again – never heard his name mentioned again. But he knew he couldn't fault Lois for continuing to bring him up. She couldn't remember anything that had happened the past month – so Dan was probably still pretty fresh in her mind. Which was fine, so long as she continued to remember that she had emphatically shown him the door. He still didn't like it, though. It... irked him. And what irked him even more was that she was going to have dinner with *him* tomorrow. She could... end up with someone like Scardino. Clark was eventually going to have to tell her what had happened between them... that he had told her they couldn't be together because it wasn't safe for her. He couldn't expect her to stay single the rest of her life. She was beautiful and talented. And someone was going to come along, eventually... whether it was Dan, or someone else. The thought left him feeling unsettled. Just *thinking* about Lois with someone else was enough to put an uncomfortable knot in the pit of his stomach. It caused all kinds of unpleasant feelings to flow through him. Imagine if he actually had to *see* her with another man.