By Mary Potts aka Queen of the Capes <QueenoftheCapes@gmail.com>
Rated: G
Submitted: January 2007
Summary: Just what are Superman comics like in Metropolis, anyway?
***
[ With a great heave, the Man Of Steel throws the giant robot T-rex into the ocean! But just when he thinks his troubles are over…]
("Oh, Sweetie-poo~~!" )
***
"Clark?" Lois' voice, as she suddenly appeared behind her husband, startled him a little. She leaned over his shoulder to see what had him so preoccupied. "What's that you're reading?"
Clark sheepishly closed the comicbook and turned it so that his wife could see the cover.
"'Superman: the Official Comicbook'?" Lois read.
Clark nodded. "It's part of the Superman Foundation's line of merchandise. I go through every issue to make sure everything's kosher. So far, I've only had to send back two."
Intrigued, Lois walked around the couch and sat down next to him, taking the comic from him as she did so. "You know, I've heard of these, but I've never actually read one."
"Really?" Clark raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I would've thought you collected every issue. They first came out when you were…" He trailed off. "Before we got to know each other very well," he finished somewhat lamely.
Lois smiled. "Clark, you can go ahead and say it. I was obsessed with your alter ego." She traced a large 'S' on his chest with her finger. "Now I'm just obsessed with you, period."
Clark met her impish grin with one of his own.
"So what are these like?" Lois asked as she flipped through the pages. "I mean, they can't be too accurate, can they? They don't even know your real name…"
Clark chuckled. "No, you're right. While some of the stuff is based on things I really did, most of it's pretty…um, 'out there'."
Lois raised an eyebrow and pointed to a picture of a strange landscape. "What on earth is this?"
"Krypton, actually." Clark grinned.
"Krypton."
"Yep." Clark nodded. "Superman's home planet, where he goes when he's not doing rescues. Remember," he added when Lois started snickering, "most people don't know Krypton's destroyed."
"I see." Lois continued perusing the page, and pointed to a picture of a man wearing a headband and what seemed to be a puffy green shirt with a giant sun emblazoned on it. "Is this supposed to be your father?"
"Yep." Clark nodded again. "Krypton's leading scientist, and inventor of the telezipper."
Lois stared at Clark blankly for a few seconds. "The what?"
"It's how I get to Earth from Krypton, and back."
The blank look remained, until Lois finally mouthed the word 'Okay' and turned back to the book. A large panel showed Superman, apparently at home, sitting down to a sci-fi meal with his father, a woman, and a young girl. "Who are these?" she asked.
"Well…" said Clark, "that woman in the yellow dress is supposed to be my mother, even though she really doesn't resemble her at all. And the girl is her niece, Suzi Tum-Kenz. She drives Superman crazy by making up all these far-fetched stories."
Lois laughed.
The book was apparently divided into multiple stories. The next page began a new adventure, set on the planet Earth, in good ol' Metropolis, USA. It opened rather dramatically, with a shot of a bald man and a young boy piloting a robotic triceratops.
"That's a villain," Clark informed her.
Lois read the caption. "Hatman?"
"Yeah. He's basically a 'lunatic mastermind', but the boy, Timmy, is the real brains behind the operation. This issue, they're into robot dinosaurs. In one issue they created a supervillain called 'The Pragmatist'. He surrendered at the end of the issue, if I remember correctly."
Lois giggled. "How practical."
She read on, and suddenly her smile vanished. "Clark…"
Clark looked over her shoulder, and winced when he saw what she was looking at.
"Betty Boulevarde?" She had turned sharply, and was now looking directly at him.
Clark tried to be nonchalant. "Um, yeah. She's just a supporting character."
"She's a brunette. I'm a brunette."
Clark nodded. "Lots of people are brunettes, Lois."
"She's a reporter. I'm a reporter."
"Lots of people are reporters, Lois."
"She has alliterative initials."
"Half of the population of Metropolis does, Lois."
"Clark…" Lois leaned forward with a dangerous look in her eyes. "This is meant to be *me*!"
Clark swallowed. "Okay…maybe she is *loosely* *based* on you, but it's all in good fun…"
"Fun?" Lois glared at him. "She's based on me. And she's chasing you. And she's calling you her 'Sweetie-Poo'!"
"And?" Clark instantly regretted saying that as he dodged a swipe with the comicbook. "Okay, okay. Maybe… I was a little mad at you when they first introduced her. I mean, you were chasing after Superman and ignoring me; I guess, deep down, I felt like you deserved it. Afterwards, she'd become such a popular character that I couldn't justify having her written out."
"I see. So that's how you thought of me, deep down." She flipped to a page where Superman was explaining to Miss Boulevarde that he could never marry her since, as a superhero, he had to stay single for many lame and ill-defined reasons. "And if *this* reflects how you feel deep down—"
"Lois, no!" Clark burst out, mortified. He reached his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. "Honey, I love you. And I love being married to you. You know that!"
Lois returned his hug, allowing herself to melt into his arms. "I know. I love you too, Clark."
"If you want," Clark said, running his hand up and down his wife's back, "I could call the foundation and have them remove the character…"
A slow, mischievous smile crept across Lois' face. "Actually, Clark, I think I have a better idea."
***
[Later, Superman telezips back to Metropolis, and he hears a familiar cry.]
(Sweetie-poo!)
{Oh, no! Not again…}
[But what's this? Betty is running past him! She's hugging another man!]
(Betty? Who is this?)
(Tee-Hee! Oh, Superman, let me introduce you to my new boyfriend, Keith Corn!)
(Well, Shucks and Golly-Gee, Mister Superman! I is as happy as a hog in slop to make of your acquaintance!)
THE END