KRYTV-Channel 2
by Mary P. Potts (AKA Queen of the Capes. Bow to me, minions!
Bwahahaha--*cough* *cough*. ) <queenofthecapes@gmail.com>
Rated: G
Submitted: January 2008

First off, I would like to thank my Dad, who acted as a
sounding-board for this project and really helped me a lot.
(Thanks, Dad!)

This fic is essentially a sequel to/expansion of KRY TV,
although reading that one first is probably not necessary.
______________________________


"I can't believe we travelled thousands of miles just to watch
television."

"Actually, Lois," Clark said while stretching out on their
suite's sofa. "We travelled *millions* of miles."

"Fine," Lois conceded. "We travelled millions of miles to watch
television."

"And a movie," Clark reminded her. Lois shot him a look, and he
responded with a broad grin. "Well, Lois, you're the one who
wanted to go somewhere foreign and exotic for our vacation."

At this, Lois gave in and laughed. When the news had broken that
the planet of New Krypton had successfully purchased and adapted
a few of Earth's television programs to booster to their
fledgling entertainment industry, she and Clark had somehow
ended up "agreeing" to spend their upcoming vacation writing an
article on the New Kryptonians' progress. Zara and Ching, of
course, had happily invited the couple to the planetoid and
arranged for their travel.

The planet of New Krypton was like a rough diamond; in some
places gleaming and dazzling, and in others rocky and harsh.
Lois and Clark were guests of honor at a banquet that, while not
obscenely indulgent by the standards of Earth's rich and royal,
still surpassed the average household's best holiday dinner.
Afterwards, they were shown to a sleek, sparse, high-tech
suite--with a TV in it, of course. 

There they slept, waking up the next morning prepared to "veg
out."

Lois flopped down on the couch, forcing Clark to move his feet
so she could have room. He sat up and wrapped an arm around her
as she reached for the remote and turned the TV on.

"What gives?" she asked when nothing appeared on the screen.
After a few minutes, color appeared, accompanied by a
high-pitched whine. Lois and Clark winced at the sound.

"I think it's a test pattern," said Clark.

The whine eventually died, leaving a silent screen of color.
Clark reached over and grabbed his notebook and a pencil, and
jotted this down.

Finally, after several more minutes, a perky young woman
appeared on the television screen. She spoke in her native
Kryptonian, but for the sake of Lois and Clark's assignment, the
rulers of New Krypton had arranged for all of the week's
broadcasts to include English subtitles.

"<A bright and glorious morning to our beloved rulers and the
great people of New Krypton! Now it begins, the broadcasting of
television entertainment for today until evening.>"

Lois and Clark glanced at each other, then shrugged and jotted
down notes.

"<Today's block of television program entertainment shows will
be:
1. Old Krypton Traitor Mysteries Solved by Val-Duc and His
Amazing Genetic Animal Creation
2. The Tragic Tale of the Brave Yet Hopeless Shipwrecked
Scientist and His Companions
3. The Fantastic Adventures of the Changing Green Warrior and
His Love
4. Star Trek>"

Kryptonian writing, undoubtedly the names of the shows just
listed, appeared on the screen. The woman listed them over
again, and then the audience was once more graced with her
smiling face.

"<And remember, these shows will repeat throughout the day until
evening. Good morning, New Krypton, and work hard.>"

At this last statement, Lois and Clark stared at the smiling
woman, and then at each other. Before either could say a word,
though, the first program of the day began.
 
 
* * * [1] * * *

Old Krypton Traitor Mysteries Solved by Val-Duc and His Amazing
Genetic Animal Creation

Lois rolled her eyes at the title, then double-taked as the
image of a very familiar animated great dane appeared on the
screen. "Clark? Isn't that--?"

"Scooby Doo," he finished for her, his eyebrows raised in mild
surprise. "I'd heard they'd picked this up..."

"So if this is Scooby Doo, what's all that 'Krypton Traitor
Genetic' baloney?" she asked.

Clark shrugged. "Well, they said that they'd changed a few
things to make it more accessable to a Kryptonian audience..."

Lois and Clark watched with intense curiosity as the show's
usual opening sequence played out, albeit with different theme
music. The theme song had been replaced with peppy,
electronic-sounding music played on strange instruments.

When the episode itself began, it took Lois and Clark one whole
second to spot another major change.

"The tires are gone!" Lois exclaimed, flinging out a hand and
almost hitting Clark in the face with her pencil.

"Hey, watch it!" cried her husband.

Lois contritely lowered the pencil. "Sorry, Clark. But look..."

"I see it, Honey. I see it."

On the screen, a tireless Mystery Machine serenely floated down
a road which an unseen narrator proclaimed to be a small,
unknown city in Old Krypton. The writing on the side of the van
had changed also, and even the painted flowers had been altered
a bit to look like blazing red suns.

Inside the van, all seemed relatively normal but for the
headband painted around Fred's forehead.

Then the characters started *talking*.

"<Clever Master Val-Duc,>" Shaggy was saying. "<Is this the
place of our next mission for the protection of our great way of
life from those terrible traitors, the Masked Man
Organization?>"

"<Yes, loyal servant,>" came Fred's reply. 

Meanwhile on the couch, Lois calmly wrote everything down, then
raised her notebook and began banging her head against it
repeatedly. Clark bit back a laugh and helped her to calm down.

"<We must investigate this factory,>" Fred continued, parking
the van near what was unmistakably an amusement park.

"Some factory," noted Lois.

"They manufacture nauseous children," Clark teased.

"And broke parents," Lois added.

The four teenagers and their dog wandered around the 'factory',
and true to form, it wasn't long before they encountered the
monster--er, 'traitor'.

"<Let us divide ourselves and search for incriminating evidence.
Loyal servant, you and your wife take my genetic creation,
Experiment #309, and scout the area near the giant gear.>" The
scene jumped to show a ferris wheel. "<Your mistress and I shall
investigate these tunnels.>"

Lois snickered.

"Lo-is," Clark chided, his own mouth tugging at the corners.

"Well," chuckled Lois. "At least now I don't feel so bad about
Shaggy having to be Fred's servant."

The gang split up, with Shaggy, Velma, and Scooby headed for the
ferris wheel, and Fred and Daphne strolling towards the Tunnel
of Love. Soon, Velma and Shaggy found themselves near a
creepy-looking booth. After a conversation in which their voices
didn't quite match up with the movements of their mouths, Velma
asked her 'husband' to go inside the both. Shaggy, in typical
Shaggy fashion, looked very afraid.

"<Shall I take orders from a mere woman? I think not!>"

Lois glared at the screen and began scribbling notes furiously.

Velma held up a Scooby-snack. "<I apologize and offer this
tasty, Government-approved healthy food pellet as a gift.>"

"<The insult is still too great, Woman!>" Shaggy said boldly,
his knees knocking in anger.

"<I apologize again for the disrespectful act of telling my
husband what to do,>" said Velma. "<Will you accept two of the
delicious Government-issued food pellets?>"

"<Two will suffice.>" Shaggy and Scooby each recieved two
treats, and ran off to investigate the booth.

Lois snorted while she wrote. "Just for that, Clark, you're
getting dog food for dinner."

"What did *I* do?" Clark asked helplessly.

Finally, they reached the end of the show. The gang assembled
under the Tunnel of Love, having found a trap door under a
'statue of a primitive idol worshipped by one of the traitors'.
They now stood in a cavern full of gold and rare treasures.

"<I'm ignorant!>" Velma exclaimed. "<This is surely an unusual
sight, yet I do not know what I am looking at...>" The camera
cut away from Velma to show the treasures around them again, and
immediately her voice was replaced with Daphne's, explaining the
villains' dastardly plot.

"<These evil, foolish traitors,>" Daphne explained from
off-camera. "<Are so hateful of the government and all that is
good and pure, that they have crafted a deadly, radioactive
mineral that resembles common gold! It is their plan to use this
mineral to overthrow our rightful government and install their
own anarchic regime of baby-hating malice.>"

"Baby-hating?" Clark echoed.

"<They do not have the mental capacity,>" Daphne continued,
still off-screen. "<To understand the sheer privelege it is to
be Kryptonian, a perfect people under perfect rule.>"

"Make that dog food for breakfast, lunch, *and* dinner," said
Lois.

Clark sighed and rolled his eyes.

Then, of course, came the final chase scene, and the unmasking
of the monster/traitor. It turned out that, alas, kindly Ful-Xon
the factory worker was a member of the traitorous Masked Man
Organization, just as Val-Duc and his wife suspected. As he was
led away by local authorities, he uttered that classic line:

"We would have succeeded had we not failed!"

The kids and their dog exchanged a few words with the police,
each lamenting that the traitors were so evil and stupid. Then
Genetic Experiment #309 did a trick, everyone laughed, and the
show ended.

 
* * * [2] * * *

The Tragic Tale of the Brave Yet Hopeless Shipwrecked Scientist
and His Companions

Lois shut off the TV. She needed a break, and given that the
broadcasting schedule was just four shows repeating until
evening, she saw no reason why she and Clark couldn't go
somewhere and kill time until the next show came around again.
They left their guest suite in the palace of New Krypton and
went into town to get some lunch.

As luck would have it, though, the resturaunt they walked into
had a shiny new television-machine mounted on the wall. Many
off-duty New Kryptonians were gathered about; some sitting, some
standing. *All* were absorbed in the program. In fact, some of
the women and a few men were already in tears.

"All right," said Lois. "I'll bite. Just what is this show?"

"Oh!" said a woman Lois and Clark recognized from the palace.
"My lady, my lord," she nodded to each of them in turn. "We
would be honored to have you join us. It....it is
so...unbearable!" She sniffed and swiped at her eyes with her
bare hand. 

"What is it?" asked Clark. By now, their curiosity was aroused.

"Right," she said, still sniffling. "The program. It is about
this man who is a scientist. A *brilliant* scientist," she
added. "He hires a transport, and a storm casts the vessel onto
a strange island."

Lois turned to Clark and shrugged. "Lost?" she ventured.

Before he could reply, the woman continued. "Oh, yes," she said.
"*Very* lost. The island is on no existing map, and the
scientist and his companions have no way to return home. He uses
his remarkable innovation and ingenuity to ease their lives on
the island, but his attempts to help them escape are thwarted by
the curse."

"Curse?" Lois and Clark asked, simultaneously.

"Yes," the woman continued. "The red-shirted one..." She pointed
to the screen, and Lois and Clark *finally* looked at what
everyone else was watching so avidly. "...was apparently cursed
by Rao to be supernaturally clumsy. Last week, he nearly
destroyed them all!"

Finally, someone to the woman's left turned to shush her.
"<Quiet, Dala. This could be the one where they finally get off
the island! I don't want to miss it.>"

Lois excused herself and went outside, supposedly to get some
air.

"I do not blame her for being so overcome with emotion," Dala
whispered to Clark. She glanced back at the screen. "Oh, wow! Do
you see what he built out of that grass and island-fruit?"

"I think I'd better go join my wife," Clark told Dala. "You
enjoy yourself, Dala."

She sniffed. "Thank you, I shall." She turned back to the
screen, just in time to join everyone else in a cry of mortified
terror. "<Great Rao, no! That buffoon tripped over his invention
and broke it!>"

"<Noooooooo!>"

"<The agony!>"

Clark fought to stay composed as he swiftly exited the
resturaunt, leaving the others to their episode of Gilligan's
Island.

 
* * * [3] * * *

The Fantastic Adventures of the Changing Green Warrior and His
Love

They returned to their suite, and soon the television flickered
to life once more. Lois groaned as the box displayed a slightly
altered version of the opening title sequence to Louissa and
Mark: The New Adventures of the Hulk.

Clark raised an eyebrow at her. "I thought you liked that
show."

"It's okay," Lois conceded with a sigh. "I don't know if liking
it would make this better or worse."

Clark chuckled empathetically, and the two cuddled on the sofa
to watch the program.

"Hey," Lois said after a while. "It's season two!"

"Hunh?" Clark turned to her, confused.

Lois pointed at the screen. "This is season two, the episode
where Mark gets killed by people who look like famous wild west
villains." Clark gave her a strange look, but said nothing.

The story began with the editor and his son admiring an antique
bicycle they had rented for the mayor's party. While they were
in the garage, Billy the Kid strode up, decked out in black hat
and cowboy spurs, and proceeded to demand his property.

"<I have come for the purpose of killing you.>"

The editor and his son stared in confusion at the cowboy.

"<Alien invaders!>"

"<We will kill you and rule Krypton,>" the cowboy repeated.
"<You and the Green Warrior will not stop us!>" He and his
partner in crime then tied up the editor and his son, took the
bicycle for some reason, and left.

"I'm sensing a theme, here," Lois noted. As the story played
out, she added, "I'm also sensing that this is more than just
'adaptation'. It looks to me like they didn't even glance at the
original script!"

Sure enough, though the footage was left mostly intact, the
story that unfolded through the dialogue was completely
unrecognizable, with absolutely no recognizable reference points
from the original material.

"Now there's an idea for a hobby," Clark commented. "Get a tape
of an old show, play it without the sound, and write your own
script just to see what happens."

Lois shook her head. "It wouldn't work. Most people already have
a basic idea of what *should* be going on--heck, some people can
even quote whole episodes!" She blushed. "Erm, so I heard. From
Jimmy. Anyway, it would be hard to come up with something
original without bits of the real plot seeping in."

"Maybe you could get a non-fan friend to help?" Clark offered.
He turned to Lois. The two shrugged at each other.

 
* * * [4] * * *

Star Trek

They took another, much needed break before the final viewing.
They killed time by taking a tour of the palace with Zara and
Ching, and entertaining the new little heir to New Krypton's
throne. Afterwards, they went sightseeing, and it was a good few
hours before they returned to the suite once more.

When they turned on the television again, the tail end of the
Louissa and Mark show was playing. It was the same episode they
had watched earlier. Finally, after a few minutes, the show
launched into its ending credits.

"Ready for the next one?" Clark asked his wife.

Lois sighed. "Okay, New Krypton! Bring on the insanity. We can
take it!"

They braced themselves as the starship Enterprise filled the
screen. The narration began in Kryptonian, and the translation
appeared in the subtitles.

"<Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the
starship Enterprise....>"

When the show itself began, and the familiar images of Kirk and
Spock began to wander across the screen, Lois and Clark stared
in disbelief. "I don't believe it," Lois gasped.

"I know," Clark affirmed, squeezing her shoulder. "I can't
believe it either!"

They watched transfixed, reading the subtitles with increasing
incredulity.

"This is too unreal," Lois whispered. She turned to face her
husband. "Clark, they...they're actually...."

"...playing it straight," he finished for her. "I know, Honey. I
know."

"<I find your argument strewn with gaping defects in logic.>"

"<Maybe, but you can't evaluate a man by logic alone.>"

 
* * * [ ] * * *

"Well," said Lois once the episode was done. "That
was...interesting."

Clark nodded his assent.

The cheerful New Kryptonian woman appeared on the screen once
more, to wish the little planet a good night and tell everyone
that tomorrow was a Star Trek marathon.

Clark chuckled.

"Hey," said Lois, "I can live with that. Maybe this assignment
won't be so bad, after all!"

Clark's grin vanished. "Er..." He met Lois' eyes with an almost
regretful expression. "Tomorrow is when we have to screen that
movie, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Lois' face fell. "What is it again?"

"Well," Clark coughed, "I spoke to Ching about it. From what I
can tell, it's going to be a New Kryptonian knock-off of Star
Wars, with some plot changes since they couldn't get the rights
to the original movie."

Lois groaned. "Well, I guess it can't be too much worse than the
stuff we've already seen."

"There's more," Clark added, squirming slightly. "Lois, are you
familiar with Bollywood?"
_____________________

* * THE END * *
Thank You For Watching!