Revelations, or What Clark Should NOT Do

By Lynn S. M. [ (Replace _at_with@)]

Rated G

Submitted March 2010

Summary: Ten things that Clark should NOT do to reveal his big secret to Lois.

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Comments and constructive feedback welcome, but be gentle, please.

Semi-standard disclaimers apply: Nothing related to Lois and Clark in this piece is mine, and several items either directly quote or allude to specific episodes from the series; however, the bad revelation methods and the twisted sense of humour are all my own.


Ten things which Clark should NOT do to let Lois in on his big secret:

10) Tell her via sky-writing or the Metropolis’ stadium’s scoreboard.

9) While exiting the Planet building with her, say in his best mock-announcer voice, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Superman has just left the building.”

8) Tell her, “You know how some people say that we are ‘star-crossed lovers’? Well, that’s kind of ironic, since I actually do come from a different star.”

7) Change a ceiling fixture’s light bulb in front of her in his own, truly inimitable, manner. Or complain that Perry is driving him up the wall, and proceed to demonstrate by walking up the nearest wall.

6) As Superman, engage her in a game of, “If you were a kind of _____________, what would you be?” And then state, “If I were a kind of candy, I would be a Clark bar.”

5) Play strip poker with her while wearing “the suit” underneath his reporter attire. Purposely lose a few rounds.

4) Reenact the old game show, “To Tell the Truth”. Have Jimmy and Perry sit beside him. Rise when Cat asks, “Will the real Superman please stand up?”

3) Start a discussion with, “You know how scientists theorize that space/time curves back on itself? Well, here’s some proof: “Before” is identical to “way, way after”.

2) Serenade her with, “Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that started out from Krypton, aboard a small spaceship.”

And the number one thing Clark should NOT do is ...

1) Send her flowers with the following written on the enclosure card, “Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am Clark Kent and Superman too.”


Item #2 refers to the opening lyrics of a 1960s American sitcom, Gilligan’s Island. I don’t own anything to do with that show, either.