Revenge of the Bride of the Twelve Thirsty Butchers

By Mary Potts aka Queen of the Capes <queenofthecapes@gmail.com>

Rated G

Submitted July 2013

Summary: Clark's children have had enough with their sister's
bizarre movie choices. Perhaps a little revenge is in order?
(Part of the Martha & Lara series)

***

"I'll get it!"

David scrambled up from the floor, where he had been vainly
contemplating the scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and
sprinted across the room to the front door. He opened it wide,
revealing a tall young man with rust-colored hair. "Hi. What do
you want?"

The youth smiled down at David. "Hello, I'm here to pick up
Martha. We're supposed to go to the theater."

David raised an eyebrow. "You're going on a date with my
sister?"

Red-head shrugged. "Not really a 'date' date, we're just
going to the movies."

"The movies?"

He nodded. "That's right. My name's Troy, by the way." He
offered his hand.

David stared at him for a while, then shook his head. "Mister,
you are one brave guy!"

Troy withdrew his hand slightly and cocked his head. "I beg your
pardon?"

"Anybody who can put up with those crazy movies Martha
watches," David elaborated, "has got to be at least as brave as
my dad!"

Troy chuckled and slid his hand, which David had never seemed to
notice, into his pocket. "Oh, not at all! I enjoy the subtle
nuances of symbolic imagery and the underlying political subtext
that some of the artists employ. It really provides a unique
perspective on the lives and struggles of the people of some of
the more underprivileged nations, particularly in the
early-to-mid twentieth century."

"Get off my porch."

"David," a barritone voice chided from the kitchen, "let Troy
in."

David turned back to the visitor, who was looking slightly
bemused. "Okay, you can come in. Martha's probably somewhere
doing something."

"Ah." Troy entered the living room and sat down on the sofa.

David wandered back to his jigsaw puzzle after his father came
into the room, shook Troy's hand, and started the obligatory
third degree.

It didn't take too long for Martha to finally come downstairs,
curls freshly washed and brushed, wearing a nice green dress.
"Hi, Troy!"

Troy stood as Martha came over to greet him. They said their
goodbyes to her father and David, who was too engrossed in what
he was doing to care, then he tucked Martha's hand in his arm
and they headed off to the theater.

A short while later, Lara padded downstairs in the process of
pulling her long hair through a scrunchie. "Are they gone?"

Clark nodded. "They just left."

Lara blew a loose strand of hair out of her face and started
pacing in front of the couch. "I can't believe there's
actually another one on this whole planet! I mean, gah! Just
Martha alone is irritating enough---David, if the pieces don't
fit, don't try to smash them together---but to actually find out
there's another one just like her, in Metropolis, in the same
school! Is it something in the water?"

"Lara," Clark waved for his daughter to stop pacing. "Lara,
it's not unusual for a person to find somebody who shares a
unique interest in something."

Lara and David both stared at him.

"Dad? Have you ever seen Twelve Thirsty Clowns?"

"Or Bride of the Butcher?"

"Life of a Weeping Potato," Clark said, "but that's not the
point."

"I just can't believe that there's actually somebody who's as
nuts about those stupid movies as she is!"

"Nuts is right," David chimed in. He straightened up from his
puzzle and cleared his throat, then started speaking in a high
voice. "The bald guy in the background represents a huge war
that was fought many years ago between France and Australia over
some stale bagels. You can tell by the fact that his shadow is to
the left, instead of the right, that the war lasted seventeen
years exactly and ended in a draw."

Lara cracked up. "Yeah! That's her all right! 'The
perpetually-moving drinky, drinky bird represents a famine that
swept throught the whole world---'"

"Except Sweden and New Guinnea, as noted by the elf's yellow
hat!"

Lara and David burst out laughing.

Clark shook his head, but his mouth twitched ever so slightly.
"Okay, you two. That's enough."

"You know," Lara said, "I'll bet she doesn't even know what
she's talking about. She probably makes half this stuff up!"

David suddenly brightened. "Ooh! I know how we can find out!"

"David," Clark warned, "nothing involving duct tape or a
hammer!"

David looked slightly wounded. "Of course not! I was just
thinking we could make our own movie!"

"Ooh!" Lara caught on. "And have her 'interpret' it! I like
it!"

David stood up and brushed off the puzzle pieces that had stuck
to his arms. "Let's get started!"

"We can probably get my film class in on this." Lara grinned,
liking this idea more and more. "I'll get the camera!" She ran
off towards the hall closet.

"I'll get the hammer!"

"David!"

"Just kidding, Dad."

Lara returned with the video camera. "So, what are we going to
call it?"

*One Week or so Later*

"I must say," Martha said, "I was kind of surprised that you
wanted to take me to see this kind of movie, but this was really
nice!"

Lara and David both smiled innocently as the house lights in the
school theater came back on.

"So?" Lara prodded, "What did you think?"

"Tell us everything!"

"Well," Martha began, "for one thing, it was a refreshing
break from the political and social commentaries that I usually
watch. I detected a very Dada-esque approach here, with a lot of
free association. Where did you say this movie was from?"

"Um, we made it," said Lara.

David jumped up out of his seat. "Yep! And we got you good,
Martha! This movie had nothing to do with 'Dada' or 'Free
Association'---it was a totally bogus and random movie designed
to poke fun at the stuff you made us sit through, and we just
shot whatever we felt like shooting!"

Lara shook her head.

Martha rolled her eyes a bit. "Okay, David. You win. I am
beaten. I was sooooo wrong."

David gave a self-satisfied smile, completely missing his
sisters' exchanged glances.

"So," said Martha, "now that that's over, want to go to a
movie?" At her siblings' mortified looks, she explained "I was
thinking we could go see Captain Alex Vs. the Space Pirates
IV."

David and Lara both smiled.

"That," said Lara, "would be quite acceptable."

FIN