By Classicalla <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: January 2014
Summary: Clark, against his will, was forced from Metropolis, but he’s determined to get back to Lois.
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This was my offering for April mirth in 2013. I hope you like it.
I don’t own any of the characters and I’m not making any money off this story. Any similarities to real life are merely coincidental. I’d like to thank my GE, IolantheAlias.
Clark was a traveling man. Oh, he’d had opportunities to stick around various places, and there was that one lady in New York that he knew would be distraught when he left, but Clark needed to get back to Metropolis. It had taken a while to get here, but he knew that was where he belonged. Make no bones about it, he was back in Metropolis. Things had been pretty fuzzy for him at times and he knew something odd had happened, but he wasn’t quite sure what that was. He did know he was smarter than the average guy living on the street, and he wasn’t above begging for a good meal or a warm bed.
He jumped off the train and headed into town. There was no time to lose. He headed straight for the Daily Planet. Somehow, he knew he’d find what he was looking for there. At first, he started hanging out near the front doors, but it was obvious folks didn’t want someone like him around. So he went to one of the side doors and hoped she would show up there. And this door was right beside a pizza joint, and pizza was his favorite food. Ah, this was the life.
After a couple of days, she did indeed show up. He was overjoyed but decided to be quiet and hoped she noticed. After all, he wasn’t sure she loved him as much as he loved her.
Lois’ eyes widened when she saw him. “Boy, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. You’re about the scruffiest thing I’ve seen.” She motioned to him to come to her. Then she laughed, “Come with me!”
He followed her and sat right down in the front seat. Ah, yes, he was finally home. This was the woman he loved, and he hoped her love for him had grown in his absence.
Lois had missed Clark badly when he had suddenly disappeared. He’d only been her partner for about a month, but, oh, what a month. She had started falling for him and absence had indeed made her heart grow fonder. She had to admit that she loved him. She sighed heavily. She hoped he was still alive, but after two years… She looked over to the guy sitting in her passenger seat and said, “I hope you don’t mind if I call you Clark. I had a friend named Clark that I miss a lot.”
Clark just grunted and looked at her like she’d grown a third eye. That was his name. What was wrong with the woman? When she looked at him expectantly, Clark just nodded. Why didn’t she recognize him?
“Good! Clark it is.” Then she muttered, “I guess I have to admit that I love him.” She was sad for a moment then said, “Clark, the first thing we have to do is take you in for a shampoo and haircut. Then I’ll take you home and we’ll have dinner.” She patted his shoulder. “Would you like that?”
Clark was so excited, he thought he would burst. He laid his head on her shoulder.
“Now just you wait a minute, Buster. That hair is filthy. You’ll get lots of attention when you look a little better.”
Women! They were always worried about how someone smelled and how they looked. Clark was agitated and just turned and looked out the window.
Lois parked the car in front of a salon. She led him to the lady at the desk. “See what you can do with him. I’ll be back to get him later.”
When Lois returned, Clark was thrilled to see her. What an ordeal he’d just been through. When they got to Lois’ apartment, he explored everything. It had been so long since he’d been here. Then he lay down on the couch to take a nap.
A bit later, Lois woke him up. “I forgot to stop at the market, and I bet you’re hungry, aren’t you? Well, pizza it is.” She sat down on the sofa beside him and ordered pizza.
Clark was enthusiastic about both the pizza and Lois sitting beside of him. He wondered if Lois was up for a little kiss. He tried kissing her and Lois was not so happy about that.
“Now, you just wait a darn minute…” But when she looked into those big eyes of his, she relented. “Well, okay, just one.” She grabbed his cheeks and gave him a quick peck right on the mouth. That was when she screamed. She immediately thought of kissing a frog and getting a handsome prince. Only she’d kissed a dog.
Clark jumped off the couch and turned in circles. “Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! What happened? What happened?” Then Clark realized that he didn’t have a stitch of clothing on and grabbed a towel from Lois’ basket of laundry. He sat back down on the couch and it all came back to him.
Lois quickly got up and ran to her bedroom. She came out and handed him a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. “You, you… left them here, and I didn’t have the heart to throw them away.” She turned her back while Clark dressed.
Clark sat back down, and started relating the story of what happened. “Lex! Lex did this. He used black magic and turned me into a dog.” He got up and started pacing. “There were always some things I remembered though and I always knew I was way smarter than the other dogs.” Then he stopped. “My parents! Oh, my God. I have to call them.”
Lois motioned Clark to sit back down. “They are actually on their way here to visit with me. So there will be time. And though I’ve realized Lex is a snake, he’s supposed to stop by this evening. I guess he wants to try to woo me some more.” She looked determined. “We will confront him.”
“So you believe me,” Clark said contentedly.
“Well, if I hadn’t seen you suddenly transform from a dog into Clark, I wouldn’t have.” She smiled and cocked her head in that way so familiar to Clark. “But I wonder why he left a way out? A way for you to return to human? That’s not like Lex.”
“Hmmm… I remember,” replied Clark. “I remember it all. The guy that did this said there had to be a way to change things because that was the way magic worked. Then Lex suggested that I had to be kissed by my true love and that no one would ever kiss the ugly dog that I was going to be turned into.” He bit his lip. “I was a pretty hapless looking thing, wasn’t I?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “The guy told me was really sorry, but that Lex had threatened his family and he had no choice.” Then Clark brightened and had a wicked twinkle in his eye. “He also whispered to me that should I ever change back, that if my true love then kissed Lex with my essence still on her lips, then Lex would turn into the dog.”
Someone knocked on the door. Lois called, “Who is it?”
It was Lex. Lex Luthor — one of most evil men alive.
Lois quickly grabbed Clark and kissed him then answered the door. “Oh, Lex. I’m so glad you are here.” She grabbed him and kissed him. Just as she did, Clark appeared behind them and waved to Lex.
Lex screamed, “Noooo…”
Lois grabbed the now dog Lex. “Come on Clark. Let’s take him to the shelter. It’s a no kill shelter, and they guarantee adoption, but they do neuter them all first.”
Clark couldn’t help but laugh. And then they both laughed. It seemed a pretty fitting consequence for Lex Luthor.