By Molly P. Flynn (aka MizMollee@aol.com)
Summary: McTropolis is including Superman action figures in its Kiddie Kafeteria meals. The first of the set, dubbed "Lois Lane, Girl Reporter," has Lois fit to chew nails. She's not thrilled with her character's "action" either. Very funny story!
[The characters in this story are copyrighted by December 3rd Production, Warner Bros and ABC. No infringement is intended in any part by the author. However, the ideas expressed within this story are copyrighted by the author.]
Note to the reader: This story takes place sometime in the middle of the second season of LOIS AND CLARK: THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN. I actually dreamed this, as some FoLC on Prodigy may remember from the summer of 95. A special thanks goes to my husband, TV Steevee who helped with the details.
I CRAVE FEED BACK...any and all comments, good, bad indifferent can be sent to: MizMollee@aol.com
Lois Lane, ace reporter for the Daily Planet, stretched her arms, trying to work out the kinks from too long of a stint at her computer. "Clark?" she called over to her partner, "I think I need a lunch break."
Clark Kent glanced up from his computer screen. He was in love with Lois and would do just about anything for her. "Shall I send Jimmy down to McTropolis for burgers and fries?" he offered.
Lois made a face. "I hate fast food. It's so...greasy."
"Well, just because you don't have to watch what you eat," Lois retorted, "doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to consume that stuff. I don't even think they put meat in their burgers."
"Lois, it's fast, and it's cheap."
"Fast and cheap I need," Lois admitted. "My insurance didn't cover the damage Kyle Griffin wreaked on my apartment when he visited. Do you have any idea how much a maid service costs?" She made a face at her computer screen. "And I DO have to finish this article before I go to the one-thirty press briefing at City Hall." She drummed her fingers on her mouse pad. "McTropolis?"
Clark shrugged. "It's right next door, Lois. It will still be warm by the time Jimmy gets back with it."
"Oh, all right." Lois was not very gracious about it. "Get me one of those Kiddie Kafeteria meals...with chicken puffs, sweet and sour sauce and a diet cola." She took three dollars from her purse and gave it to Clark.
Clark grinned. "You're welcome, Lois." When she did not respond, he shrugged again and called for Jimmy Olsen.
"Hey, guys! You're never going to believe this!" Jimmy said, rushing into the room with Lois and Clark's lunches. "McTropolis has a new set of collectibles with their Kiddie Kafeteria meals. You'll never guess!" Jimmy's enthusiasm was boundless. Lois scowled at Jimmy. She took her lunch from him. "Jimmy, I don't have time to deal with toys," she said condescendingly.
"But you're one of 'em, Lois!" Jimmy told her. "Mickey T's is giving away Superman action figures with their Kiddie Kafeterias, and the first one is Lois Lane from the Daily Planet."
"What!?" Jimmy had Lois' undivided attention. "What are you talking about?"
"See? It's right here on the bag." Jimmy pointed to her lunch.
"A grease stain?" Lois asked, eyeing the bag suspiciously.
"No...see? 'Collect all nine Superman Action Figures, a different one every week'. Let's see, there's you, there's Lex Luthor, there's those three boxers your father worked on...oh, they're one giveaway..."
"Jimmy, stop it." Lois tore into her bag. She took out the plastic bag in which the plastic figurine was sealed. "Lois Lane, girl reporter," she read out loud. "Comes with a change of clothes." Her scowl deepened. "Perry!" She jumped to her feet and stalked to the Editor in Chief's office.
Perry White was sitting at his desk, listening to an Elvis Presley tape. He looked up when Lois stormed into the room. He knew the look on her face and guessed the cause. "Now, honey..." he began.
"So you DO know something about this!" Lois accused. She shook the bag under his nose. "This is unauthorized replication of..."
"Now, honey," Perry started again. "It's perfectly authorized. Mr. Stern thought the Planet could use the publicity, and your contract clearly states that we can use your image for promotional purposes. So when the McTropolis folks came and wanted to license your likeness, well I had no choice but to go along with it."
"Why me?" Lois moaned.
"You named Superman, Lois." Perry reminded her. "Some people think you're Superman's girl friend."
"Stern owns a big chunk of McTropolis, doesn't he," Lois said nodding her head. "Yes, he does, Perry." She plopped down on the sofa and looked up at him. "But Perry, 'Girl Reporter'? That's straight out of the fifties! And my action is changing my clothes?" She sounded more hurt than angry.
"Honey, we didn't come up with the concept. We only licensed your likeness."
"I have to live with this? I have to live this down?"
"I'm afraid so, honey."
Jimmy was determined to collect all nine action figures. He ate at McTropolis every Thursday, which was the day the new figures became available.
When he was not looking, Lois would examine each week's offering: a Lex Luthor whose scalp swivelled between well-coiffed and bald; three boxers whose arms her father had replaced with robotics-- one flipped up a well-defined arm muscle to see the robotics; a Metallo whose chest came open to reveal a heart of Kryptonite.
"Why do I only change my clothes?" Lois wailed to Clark.
Clark was reduced to shrugging. The whole McTropolis promotion was making him nervous enough without adding Lois' bruised ego to the mix.
"Here you go, Lois," Jimmy said on the fifth Thursday. "Waldecker changes to Resplendent Man the same way you change your outfit...see? The costume snaps on over his shoulders."
"Jimmy!" Lois glared at him.
Jimmy was glad Lois did not have Superman's heat vision.
Lois was disturbed by what sounded like mosquitoes in the news room. "What is that annoying buzz?" she asked Clark.
"Jimmy has the new McT's toy," Clark said.
"What is it this week?"
"Look, Lois," Jimmy shoved a figure under her nose. "Pull the trigger on their guns, and it buzzes, and there's a cool orange light on the nozzle. Fake fire!"
"Get that thing away from me," Lois ordered Jimmy. She turned to Clark. "Why are we glorifying villain-hood?"
"I don't know, Lois," Clark replied. He was more and more uneasy.
Week seven brought Atomic Space Rat water pistols.
The week eight toy was a chunk of plastic that, when left in the light for a period of time, would glow green like Kryptonite.
Lois ordered a Kiddie Kafeteria on the Thursday which heralded week nine. She wanted her own Superman figurine.
Speculation ran high about what action the Superman figure would do. Clark, unlike the others at the Daily Planet, dreaded the arrival of Thursday number nine.
Lois seized her bag from Jimmy as soon as he stepped off the elevator.
"I thought you weren't interested in toys?" he asked.
"First time you've remembered that in a couple of months," Lois tartly replied. She pulled the Superman figurine from the bag. After a moment of fiddling with the mechanics, Lois got Superman to turn into...
Lois' head snapped up. *Superman turns into Clark Kent?*
Lois awoke with a start. Her heart was pounding, her hair was damp around her face and on her neck. *That was some dream,* she thought. *Maybe I shouldn't eat double chocolate fudge chuck ice cream just before I go to bed. Imagine, Superman action figures at McTropolis and Clark as Superman. As if.*
Lois rolled over and went back to sleep.