Author's foreword:
        To My Sweet Guinea Pigs: If you think you've already 
read HP ... think again <bg>.  Almost every scene has been 
altered or enhanced.  The story winds itself in still new 
and undiscovered directions even as I write this.  ;)
        To Everyone Else: Welcome to the Lois & Clark 
elseworld of "Heaven's Prisoners."  This is the PG-rated 
version of an experiment which I felt the urgent need to 
explore ever since I saw "Contact" last year.  Needless to 
say I couldn't make myself go to the necessary lengths for 
some time, but now that I have I do feel that I need to 
qualify.
        This is also by no means a "complete" or "total" 
story.  The more I write the more I realize that there 
probably is no such thing.  Life goes on forever, even the 
lives of two made-up characters in a novel or on TV.  We 
poor souls in the real world only get to see glimpses of 
some of the more interesting parts if we're lucky.
        As I delved into the "What If" premise my story based 
itself upon, I discovered that the primary "catalyst" would 
not, in my opinion, work!  Fancy that.  However, I then 
decided to throw caution to the wind and follow the story 
anyhow, see where it lead me.  What I ended up with (I 
believe) is my take on the way L&C might react were they in 
this 'made up' situation.  Had any or all of my plot devices 
occurred.  I hope I haven't done them any wrong. :)  There 
are both Whams and Waffs in this story and I stand by all of 
them.  If you cannot stand to think about L&C apart for any 
reason and might suffer direly if you read something like 
that, then please read no further!  Rest assured that I 
don't leave my toys broken, but I do take them apart along 
the way.
        That said, what you are about to read takes place in 
the future, but not so far into the future that things are 
completely off beat.  Clark and Lois ARE married.  (Well, it 
would be about 2-1/2 years into their marriage if things 
hadn't gone wrong.) Now we KNOW how made for one another the 
two of them are so if you'll allow me some credit, <g> there 
is no cliche 'falling out' scene ... per se.  Hear me, oh 
great minds <g> The first bit of story you will read is 
something of an unfinished prologue (until "Two Years 
Later").  It explains very briefly what 'happened' to change 
things.  It too is another catalyst and not a reason in all 
fairness.  Clark feels that he should have been able to stop 
'it'.  He blames himself completely and I think you can 
guess what a Clark like that might be like.  In a nutshell, 
everything changes for him, and inherently, for Lois.
        This story is not registered with WGA so if you're a 
professional writer/producer -- go away.  ;P  All copyright 
apologies apply ... WB/DC's characters, my story blah blah!
        Oh and if you were wondering about the extremely 
inventive title, I decided to call it "Heaven's Prisoners" 
because it's a direct copyright violation -- well, and every 
FoLC will read at least the first part of a story called 
"Heaven's Prisoners."  <eg>
        Heartfelt thanks go out to all my guinea pigs, 
Zoomway, DaveL, LesS, Jeagan, Beth, Pam, Nancy and Judi (for 
whom I named one of my characters :)
        Special thanks also to KathyB for her wonderful ideas 
and suggestions many of which I blatantly sucked up and used 
<g> ... and to Rhen who inspired me to go with my heart 
instead of my sense of humor.  She, as always, was so right 
about that, somehow I managed to write 60 pages 10pt without 
an A-Plot. <g>
        This copy has been edited for content and re-rated PG.  
Those scenes omitted contain somewhat more explicit sensual 
material.  If you are interested in the 'unedited' version 
of this story, and you are over 18, please email 
Joyceef@mcs.com and ask for "Demi's HP."
        Take Care!
        Demi

        Without further adieu ...


HEAVEN'S PRISONERS (PG-13)
By: (Demi/Demona) demona@shaw.wave.ca

--------
PROLOGUE
--------

        Clark watched in agony as the small explosive fell 
from the sky only yards away from where he was lying.  He 
curled around himself in a futile attempt to rise, to do 
ANYTHING.  Next to him, a tiny green rock glowed sullenly 
making it all -- impossible.  Crying out in frustration with 
the last of the strength he possessed, Clark saw the device 
find its final resting place, clinking against the roof of 
his parent's farmhouse several yards away.  There was a 
moment of nothingness when Clark couldn't even remember the 
sound of his own labored breathing.  Or maybe he had held 
his breath.  An instant later the Kent home exploded in a 
blinding flash of light.  Shards of glass and wood fragments 
flew across the yard at terminal velocity; several of them 
finding new homes in Clark's now vulnerable flesh.  Later he 
would regret that there had not been enough of them to kill 
him.
        The house was utterly gone.  A charred heap of burned-
out wood was all that remained of the once beautiful home 
he'd grown up in.  And the remains of his beloved mother and 
father somewhere inside.  They'd had no warning.  He hadn't 
been able to get to them in time and now they were gone , 
forever.  All of it was.  Clark knew in that instant that 
nothing would ever be the same again.  Laying his head back 
against the killer rock next to him, Clark closed his eyes 
and prayed for death.  It was the last thing he remembered 
doing before everything went black.

---------------
TWO YEARS LATER
---------------

        "Clark, honey, would you get my black coat out of the 
closet for me?  We have to hurry or we'll be late."
        "Sure."  Clark deftly unhooked the long dark coat from 
its hanger and slipped it over one arm before moving across 
to the window and looking out.  The sound of the ocean 
roaring 17 stories below the building was almost inaudible, 
even to him, but he could see the waves crashing against the 
shoreline and he could almost feel their intense need.  
Something violent and rage-filled.  A part of himself that 
he had suppressed for a long time.  He sighed when he felt 
two hands against his shoulders from behind.
        "What is it, Clark?"  Her voice was soft as ever and 
he chastised himself for not being able to take much of its 
offered comfort.  "Clark?"
        "What?"  Clark shifted uncomfortably from one foot to 
the other, causing her to smile.  "Nothing.  Really.  It's 
just, I guess, I'm tired that's all."  He tried to match her 
smile but made it only half way.
        "You've been living in Europe for a little over a year 
and you're only getting tired now?  I'm impressed."  She ran 
her hands down his back and put her arms around him, hugging 
him from behind.  "We really do have to go, or we'll be 
late.  You know I can make an excuse for you if ... "
        "No.  No more excuses.  Let's show these people what 
we're made of."  Clark really did smile this time and hugged 
her back.
        "All right."  She turned and walked toward the door of 
the apartment.
        Clark watched her move away from him and admired the 
soft look of her curves.  She was incredibly beautiful.  
"Marie, don't forget your coat."  He reached his arm out and 
Marie skipped back to pull it playfully from him.
        "Whoops!  Thanks, sweetheart.  Come on, we'd better 
hurry!"
        Clark closed the door to her apartment behind them 
and, as he was placing the key in the third lock, his mind 
wandered, as it always seemed to, back to another time and 
another place.  Another apartment with so many locks.  
Shaking his head and sighing, he followed Marie into the 
elevator which would take them downstairs to a waiting car.

***

        "Clark!  Marie!  You both made it.  We were beginning 
to wonder if you hadn't decided to skip our little soiree 
for some more ... interesting entertainment."  Jean-Marc 
winked at Marie and nudged Clark's arm knowingly while she 
blushed.  Clark just shook his head -- and his finger -- at 
his playfully offensive co-worker.
        "You're lucky she doesn't work with us, Clark.  I 
doubt we'd ever see you then ... "  Jean-Marc continued in 
the same vein and Marie pretended to look affronted.
        "Jean-Marc, you are absolutely incorrigible and I'll 
have none of it tonight.  This is Clark's big evening.  If 
everything goes well he'll-- "
        "Never have to work with YOU again,"  Clark laughed as 
he poked the edge of Jean's lapel with the tip of his 
finger.
        Jean-Marc mimed a knife in his chest and practically 
doubled over laughing.  "You know, Marie, Clark is the only 
American I ever met who speaks French better than the French 
do."
        "You mean better than YOU do."  Clark grinned.  It had 
been a while since he and Jean-Marc had gotten together for 
some friendly sarcasm.  He'd missed that.  Just like he knew 
he would miss Jean's sense of humor if he did get the 
assignment he'd been waiting for.  The banquet hall was 
teeming with friends and colleagues, executives and news 
moguls from all over Europe.  It wasn't an international 
event, but it was almost as huge.  An annual gathering of 
everyone who was anyone in the European media, for no other 
apparent reason than to spend an evening schmoozing with 
'connections'.  Clark's editor at La Lettre was here as 
well, and he'd already dropped the bombshell that he had 
'news' for Clark'.  Something he wouldn't tell him until 
tonight.  It was Marie who spotted the short, burly man 
first.  Wearing an expensive, custom-tailored tux and 
sporting a large cigar, which no one ever bothered (or 
dared) to ask him to put out.
        "Clark, there he is.  Let's go say hello?  Maybe he'll 
tell you his secret."  Marie's excitement was infectious, so 
Clark took her arm and the two of them made their way across 
the room.
        "M. Benoit.  It's good to see you this evening, sir."  
Clark held out his hand, which was firmly grasped by the 
older man.  He had never been able to give up the sense of 
formality he felt around his new editor.  He remembered with 
fondness the relationship he had once had with his former 
editor in Metropolis, Perry White, but here, everything had 
been so much different.
        Even if he hadn't withdrawn substantially from his 
former self, he might never have achieved the same rapport 
with Clemont Benoit.  The man was friendly in a high-school 
principal kind of way, but never more than that.
        "Clark.  Clark Kent.  Just the man I've been looking 
for."  He smiled at Marie.  "And you, my dear Marie, are 
looking as radiant as ever!"  Taking her hand in his, he 
kissed the top of it and laughed from deep in his belly.  
"Clark, I hope she loves you!"
        Clark raised an eyebrow and stared at Benoit for a few 
moments, not quite comprehending.
        "My boy, La Lettre has been purchased."
        Clark's eyes widened.  "Purchased?  You mean ... "
        "Mmm.  Bought out.  A great merger!  But this isn't 
bad news.  It's good news!  Especially for you!  You see, an 
American broadcast news company,  Planet News Network, has 
taken an interest in several European newspapers and 
magazines.  We are now simply part of a much larger 
conglomerate, I'm afraid. But the good news is that this 
means GLOBAL PARTNERSHIP.  And we need an operational head 
back in the US right away."
        Clark was amazed.  "You want ME to be a "
        Benoit laughed loudly.  "No, no, Clark, they've 
already got a woman assigned to that position.  And you're 
probably the best damn reporter I've ever witnessed in 
action.  There's no way I would ever stick you behind a desk 
pushing paper, so to speak, for the rest of your life!  What 
we want is for YOU to head up their investigative division.  
They've got a lot of pretty anchors, but they need a few 
more brains!"
        Benoit glanced at Marie.  "No offense, my dear.  You 
are probably the best *anchor* I have ever witnessed as 
well!"
        Marie smiled.  "None taken."  She turned her attention 
to Clark.  "I heard about this merger last week.  I didn't 
think anything of it; TFN news has been purchased several 
times in the past and it has never affected our positions."
        "Sir, not that this isn't a terrific opportunity, but 
why me?  When I came here I was very specific about my 
intentions.  I don't want to work in the US again."
        "Unavoidable, Mr. Kent.  If you want to work at all, 
you'd better start working with PNN.  They will own much of 
the world's mass communications in very few years.  You know 
as well as I do that they've been the largest global 
communications firm in the world since they took over the 
former LNN.  So unless you'd rather work for a small 
municipal paper with no potential for growth, I'd advise you 
to take this opportunity now, before it's too late."
        Clark swallowed.  He couldn't go back to the US.  He 
had made that decision over a year ago.  There were too many 
memories there.  Too many still-open wounds that he was not 
prepared to face again so soon.
        Oh, he knew about PNN.  Stern had founded the 
corporation soon after his revival of the "Daily Planet"  
newspaper.  And now that there was no more "Daily Planet"  
and newspapers themselves seemed almost a thing of the past, 
PNN was *the* monolith in techno-journalism on a global 
scale.  Clark didn't know if that excited or scared the hell 
out of him, but either way, he didn't intend to find out.  
And what about Marie?  He had known her for months but 
they'd been together for three.  How would she react to all 
of this?  "Sir, I just can't."
        "Clark.  They asked for you personally.  You'll go, or 
you won't work."  Benoit smiled as best he could and took 
his leave.  Marie watched him go and saw a faint shadow 
cross over Clark's face.
        "Clark.  You have to go."  She whispered, taking his 
arm in hers.  "I'm sure it won't be that bad.  What could 
possibly be so bad that ... "
        "Marie I can't."  Clark cut her off and turned away.  
There was so much that she didn't know or understand.  
Things he had deliberately kept secret from her all this 
time.  He hadn't used any of his powers in two years, and 
were it not for the occasional dream where he woke up 
floating, he might have forgotten he had them.  She couldn't 
know of that and she couldn't know about the rest of his 
past.  That was over; a chapter in his life which he never 
wanted to look at again.
        And yet a part of him ached for something he didn't 
even know how to analyze.  It was a deep and soulful 
yearning more powerful than what he might have even defined 
as "Love," and it was beginning to consume whatever the 
accident had left of him.  Some nights, he would wake up and 
actually feel cold.  He had never felt cold until the 
accident, but something had changed inside of him that 
night.  Something had died along with his parents, and now 
though physically still invulnerable, he would pitch in bed 
for hours in his sleep, finally sitting upright, breathing 
raggedly and calling out her name as if it would save his 
soul.  A name he hadn't heard in over a year.  That was what 
he couldn't face right now.  He knew he was acting like a 
coward, but there was more to it than that.  The desperate 
need he felt, the impossible anger he directed toward 
himself.  All of it was tied in to Her. And as he turned to 
grab his coat from the check nearby, with Marie only inches 
behind him, he heard a soft voice in his head.  A voice he 
recognized but hadn't heard in a very long time.  And 
without a thought, his mind responded, whispering urgently 
from within.  "Lois."
        He sucked in a breath and took Marie's arm.  Leading 
her out into the night toward their waiting car.

-------------
3 WEEKS LATER
-------------

        Clark fidgeted with his tie as he sank into the soft 
cushioning of the 747's first-class seating section.  He 
hated planes.  Passionately.  Well, more to the point, he 
hated flying in 10,000 tons of steel casing when he knew he 
could be soaring through the clouds under his own power.  
But doing that would mean that he would once again have to 
use his powers and that, he vowed, he would never do again.  
It was bad enough that he woke some nights, suspended in the 
air.  Often dreaming Lois was there with him.  That was 
especially disconcerting when thoughts of Marie would 
intrude into his consciousness.  He wondered vaguely what 
she would think of Metropolis when she arrived in two weeks.  
Getting herself transferred as an anchor had been easy 
enough, she was born in the USA; but she was originally from 
the West coast.  Europe was probably less of a culture shock 
than Metropolis would be for her.  Clark smiled inwardly.  
Well, at least he'd have those two weeks to get something 
'homey' arranged.  She'd need an apartment. And as much as 
he cared about her, he still wasn't prepared for any type of 
live-in relationship just yet.  And it was because of this 
that he was eternally grateful she had never broached the 
subject with him.
        "Can I get you anything to drink, sir?"  The sound of 
a stewardess' voice ripped him from his reverie and he 
looked up.
        "No, no thank you, I'm fine."  The older woman smiled 
and headed off toward the rear of the jet.  Clark fastened 
his seatbelt and looked out the tiny window next to his 
seat.  Well, at least they'd be in the air soon.  The 
thought of returning to Metropolis worried him more than a 
little.  For one thing, it was the last place he'd seen 
Lois.  She'd been on assignment in Japan for the Daily 
Planet shortly after their separation, but now that there 
was no more Daily Planet, she could be anywhere.  There was 
no reason for him even to assume that she'd still be living 
in Metropolis.
        He was at least relieved that they hadn't ended things 
on an angry note.  Mostly, they were both hurting so badly 
that it had numbed them completely to any form of hostility.  
And Lois was beyond anger.  For almost a year, she'd coaxed 
and cajoled him.  Trying desperately to find SOME way to get 
through the horrible walls he'd built after the accident.  
Neither one of them had talked much in that year.  At least 
not to each other.  And he had to admit, that wasn't because 
Lois hadn't tried.  No, Clark conceded, if it weren't for 
her stubborn and seemingly inexhaustible fortitude in 
searching to resurrect what was left of him, things might 
have ended even sooner.  But eventually, even she was forced 
to give up and admit defeat.  He wasn't going to let anyone 
in.  Not then, and maybe not ever again.
        When he told her that he would be moving to Europe, 
she'd cried.  He hadn't seen her, but he could hear her 
tears even over the telephone.  Her despair only added 
incentive for him to get away.  Be the coward he always knew 
he was, and just let the world be a better place without his 
interference.  Failure was even more painful than any death 
ever could have been.
        He'd wanted to take refuge and solace in the arms she 
held out to him night after night.  But how could he let her 
offer him forgiveness when he couldn't forgive himself? And 
the two people who might have been able to forgive him would 
never speak again.  Starting over was what he wanted.  If he 
couldn't die, then he could let the rest of it go.  All of 
it.
        Yet here he was, on a plane, bound irrevocably for 
Metropolis and all the memories that came with.  Dimly, he 
noticed that the jet was already well into the air.  It was 
only a matter of time now ...

***

        "What have we got?"  Lois tipped her head forward and 
cracked her neck back into position, causing the older woman 
holding a file next to her to cringe.  Lois smiled.  "God, 
you have no idea how good that felt."
        "I believe you!  I don't think I want to know!"  Judi 
laughed.  "Well, it looks like this is almost wrapped up.  I 
can put it to bed." She gathered the file together and 
closed it, but before moving away she stopped and turned 
back.  "Lois?"
        Lois pivoted around to face her.  "Yeah?"
        Judi shook her head and smiled.  "It's been really 
great working with you.  We'll all miss you when you move on 
to that new promotion tomorrow."
        Lois sighed.  "I'll miss this place too.  But I'm sure 
I'll be back on occasion.  I'll need information from all 
over, and this is probably PNN's biggest stockpile."  
Grinning, she continued on to her office and Judi 
disappeared down a nearby corridor.
        Gathering the last of her belongings from her now-
empty desk, Lois pulled the final drawer open and stared 
inside.  She never used this drawer.  In fact, she'd almost 
forgotten that she had it, third from the bottom on the left 
side.  Now, as she moved to empty it, she gently removed a 
framed photograph she had placed there so long ago.  She and 
Clark.  Shortly after they were first married.  God, they 
looked so happy.  She remembered how silly she felt inside 
when he held her like that, standing behind her with his 
hands at her waist, pulling her close to him.  How loved she 
felt.  When he put his strong arms around and just -- held 
onto her.  She closed her eyes.  She could almost feel his 
arms around her now.  No, she *could* feel arms around her 
now!  Opening her eyes quickly, she dropped the photo back 
into the drawer just in time to be twirled around and into 
another man's arms.
        "Lois,"  David crooned in her ear.  "Are you almost 
done?"
        Lois moved backward slightly, out of his grasp, the 
uneasy feeling of her previous thoughts making her 
completely unable to enjoy his hug.  Making her more than a 
little uncomfortable just being in it.  She hoped he hadn't 
noticed.  To her relief, he didn't mention it if he had.
        "Yeah.  Yes.  I'll be done in a few minutes."
        "Good, I'll take you home."
        "No!"  Lois responded quickly.  She hoped not too 
quickly.  "No, David, really.  It's my last evening here; I 
just want to take it slow and maybe reminisce a bit.  Is 
that dumb or what?"  She giggled nervously.
        "No, it's not dumb.  And you go ahead.  Take all the 
time you need.  I'll see you tomorrow."  He leaned forward 
and kissed her cheek, adding, "At work."
        Lois smiled.  "Yes sir."
        "Well technically, Lois, my being a producer for PNN 
puts me at about par with you on the food chain down there.  
Heading up the investigative team."  David laughed.  "Your 
'co-administrator' better be good.  He has no idea who he'll 
be up against!"
        Lois sighed.  "Not *against* David, *with*.  We'll be 
in this together.  I gave up trying to outdo my partners a 
long time ago."  She half smiled, remembering what 'a long 
time ago' meant.  "Anyway, if I hate him, maybe I can just 
avoid all contact or something."  She winked.
        "If you hate him, Lois, I'd hate to even *think* about 
what you'd do."  David flashed a brilliant grin and turned 
to leave.  "Tomorrow,"  he pointed one finger back at her.  
"Maybe Perry will even let us in on who this mysterious 'He' 
is before he shows up.  He'd never tell me, but maybe he'd 
tell you.  He's always had a soft spot for his Lois."
        "What?"  Lois mocked.  "*Executive Producer Perry 
White* has a soft spot?"  She grinned.  "Well, maybe.  
Anyway, you better get out of here.  You've got work to do 
and I need some me-time, so scram."
        "Yes, Ma'am."  With a tip of an invisible hat, David 
brushed past the rows of desks and into an elevator.
        Lois turned her attention back to her desk and found 
herself staring once more at the happy couple inside of left 
drawer number three.  What a mess.  She sighed.  Placing the 
photo upright on the desk, she rummaged through some old 
files before glancing up at the time.  It was getting late.  
This floor of the building, at least, was already empty 
except for her.  Moving out of her office and one desk down 
toward Judi's, she flipped a switch on the older woman's 
radio and felt better when she heard the calming sound of an 
evening DJ's voice break the silence.  She walked back over 
to her office and picked up one of the large bags she'd be 
carrying out to her car.
        Suddenly, she put it down.  The radio hummed softly 
and she almost choked when the familiar words to the first 
stanza of "Fly Me To The Moon" flowed past her. Perhaps 
through her.  For a moment, she just stood there listening.  
And then something silly inside of her woke up and she 
picked up the photo.  Lois closed her eyes and rested the 
smooth face of the glass pane against her chest, allowing 
the music to caress her mind.  She swayed back and forth, 
feeling *connected* to something, however intangible, for 
the first time in what seemed like forever.  It was such a 
profound feeling that she didn't even notice the tear which 
trickled slowly down her cheek.  She clutched the photo to 
her and she could almost feel him ... "

***

        High above the buildings of PNN, a 747 jet began to 
make its descent into Metropolis from Paris.

------------
THE NEXT DAY
------------

        "This is a joke, right?  Someone knows about, the, 
about,"  Clark stared incredulously at a shorter, balding 
man who continued to bustle back and forth across the tiny 
office, gathering up miscellaneous odds and ends.
        "I'm sure that I have no idea what you are talking 
about, Mr. Kent -- and my name is Dan by the way.  You don't 
have to call me Mr. Rollins.  I'm just an administrator, 
well below your own position, I assure you."
        "Perry White?  But that's just ... "  Unable to 
verbalize his racing thoughts coherently, Clark ended up 
simply staring incredulously at Dan.
        "Just exactly who is in that office waiting to see 
you, sir.  I really can't see why you're so upset; he's not 
so terrible,"  Dan leaned in conspiratorially " ... once you 
get to know him."
        "I *do* know him!  And I'm not upset, I'm just very -- 
surprised.  That's all.  To be honest, I thought he had 
retired."
        "Well."  Dan laughed.  "If you know Mr. White, then 
you must also know that he probably won't *ever* retire."
        "Yeah, yes, you're right.  He's waiting you said?  
Should I just go on in then?"  Clark asked, still trying to 
sort it all out in his mind.  Of course, Perry wouldn't 
retire.  The man would probably die of boredom if he gave up 
working.  He supposed that that was one of the reasons he 
had always admired Perry so much.  He was as dedicated as 
anyone could get.
        "That's what he said, Mr. Kent.  For you to just come 
on in when you arrived.  By the way, you aren't *single*, 
are you?"  Dan inquired with a sly smile.
        "Actually, no, I'm not."  Clark grinned.  "But ... 
thanks."  He turned toward Perry's door.
        "Damn."  Dan pouted.  "The really *good* ones are 
always taken."
        Clark turned the knob on the large oak door and felt 
it slide easily inward.  The first thing that caught his eye 
was the immense floor-to-ceiling windows of Perry's corner 
suite.  You could probably see most, if not all, of 
Metropolis from this office.  It was a spectacular view and 
one which Clark almost got lost in until his eyes fell on 
the desk across from him, where Perry sat leaning over a 
stack of papers, in obvious concentration.  Clark closed the 
door behind him and stood there for a moment while Perry 
worked, oblivious to his presence.  He had to admit, the 
Chief looked really *good*.  He looked even better than 
Clark remembered him looking over a year ago when things had 
begun changing at the Daily Planet -- as well as in Clark's 
own life -- just before he had left for Europe.  This Perry 
was definitely a happier Perry.  But why that was, Clark 
couldn't even begin to speculate.  He cleared his throat.
        "Chief?"  Clark walked slowly toward the older man's 
desk.
        "What is it -- CLARK!  When in the King's name did you 
get here?  And why didn't Dan buzz me?  Aww, forget about 
that.  Come here, son, let me get a good look at you.  How's 
Europe been treating you?"
        Clark laughed.  It really was great to hear a familiar 
friend's voice again.  He hadn't realized how much he'd 
missed everyone back here.  His friends in France had been 
wonderful, but Perry had always been like a kind of an uncle 
to him.  Perry rose from his seat and extended one hand, 
which Clark took and shook, only to be hauled in for a 
familial-type bear hug.  "Great, Chief.  It's all been -- 
great."
        "Well, good for you, son.  You've been missed back 
here.  I guess you know that the Daily Planet sort of flew 
out by the wayside round about the time you left.  And all 
... *this* started!"  Perry gestured around his office.  
"Mr. Stern's idea of 'advancement'.  Hmm.  Well, Planet News 
Networks has certainly taken the world by storm."  Perry 
leaned forward and spoke more softly. "But sometimes, son, I 
miss the old days of lino-type and the smell of fresh 
newsprint.  Well, but even the King knew about progress.  
You have to move on to keep up.  And that's why you're here, 
Clark.  I guess you've probably figured out by now that I 
was the one who asked for you."
        "Well, I did have that thought, Chief."
        "Ahaha!  That's the Clark I remember!  Always one step 
ahead of the game.  You and Lois were always ... "  Perry 
suddenly looked up, aware of his unintentional faux-pas.  
Clark swallowed and looked generally uncomfortable.  "Well, 
you were always a great reporter, and I always said that --"
        "How is she?"  Clark interrupted, unaware of any words 
Perry had spoken beyond her name.  "I-I mean is she still in 
Metropolis?  When I left she was -- in Japan."  Clark pulled 
self-consciously on his tie and regarded Perry with what the 
older man considered to be a tortured gaze.
        "Well son, she's ... "
        "Never been better."
        Clark felt his heart lodge itself firmly into his 
throat.  Lois.  She was here.  She was --
        "Perry.  What is this all about?"  He could hear Lois' 
voice, soft and controlled, behind him and he heard her shut 
the office door.  Clark was almost insanely afraid to turn 
around.  He stared at Perry, wanting an answer to the same 
question and desperately trying to compose himself.  He did 
turn, finally, because it was the polite thing to do ... and 
because he could smell her perfume even from where he was 
standing.  It mingled with the smell of just *her* that he 
knew so well -- and he was suddenly helpless against the 
cascade of emotions he was feeling.  He faced her.  And in 
that moment, it was much too late.
        "Lois,"  he half whispered.  The name rolling easily 
off his tongue as though it hadn't been so long since he had 
spoken it.  She looked at him but did not speak.  At least 
not aloud.  But Clark could see it in her eyes, a firewall 
of emotions never given in to, of things left unsaid.  The 
same things, he was sure, she could see in his own eyes.
        "Lois, I'm glad you're here."  Perry broke the silence 
and part of the tension from behind them.  "The thing is, I 
needed to talk to both of you. That's the reason I pulled 
you from PNN's south side offices.  It's also the reason I 
requested Clark here from the European merger."
        Perry cleared his throat, hyper-aware of the 
discomfort in the office.  The truth of the matter was that 
he wanted to explain things and get OUT of there.  Let the 
two of them talk.  The King knew they needed to talk.  
Especially if they were going to be partners again.  He 
hoped he hadn't made a huge mistake in doing this.  Oh, he'd 
known from the get-go what the risks would be, but there 
were some things more important than mergers or money or 
even the almighty scoop.  It was Lois and Clark who had 
taught him that.  It was their new love that had helped him 
make the decision to take a risk of his own.  And he had 
Alice back in his arms today because of that risk.  To have 
watched the two reporters back then, so happy and so much in 
love, one would never have been able to reconcile where they 
were right now.  Only two and a half years later, so much in 
pain.
        Lois and Clark held eye contact and Perry sighed 
inwardly when he noticed just how much they seemed to be 
communicating without even verbalizing their thoughts.  
Suddenly, his long and flamboyant explanation flew right out 
the proverbial window, along with his caution.  Ceremony be 
damned.  These two needed time, NOW.  "Ahhh, okay.  Well, 
now that you're both here, you'll need to talk about how the 
new 'Investigative Division' of PNN is gonna run.  
Congratulations.  You're partners again, and I don't wanna 
hear another word about it because quite frankly, I don't 
have the time.  If you have any objections you can either 
quit or take them up together.  I gotta get out to a 
meeting, so the two of you can use my office for, well, ah, 
whatever.  But if I hear that either *one* of you threw a 
tantrum and left, you're fired.  And don't think I wouldn't 
do it either.  I care about you both as though you were my 
own children, but this is it, folks.  I've got a News 
Network to keep up on its feet.  Good luck."
        Perry gave them each the sternest nod he could muster 
and charged boldly past a gaping Lois, through his office 
door, shutting it firmly behind them.
        "Dan, NOT EVEN GOD gets into that office until those 
two come out in a civil manner.  If either one of them 
leaves in a huff, I want to hear about it."
        Dan nodded, mildly surprised by Perry's seriousness.  
But the older man turned gruffly away and headed down the 
hall, shaking his head.

***

        Silence loomed over Lois and Clark like an enormous 
fire blanket, and neither one of them was very willing to 
shove it away.  Lois watched him, halfway across the office, 
standing with his hands shoved into the pockets of his suit 
like a little boy who knew he was in trouble.  And *Damn* 
him to hell for playing the victim!  He'd had more than 
enough time to feel sorry for himself, but it was quite 
clear to her now that he was still doing it.  What was worse 
was that she knew him so well.  Knew why he was beating 
himself up and it still killed her inside to watch him in so 
much pain.
        If she went over to him now and took him into her arms 
and held onto him -- maybe he would know that she had always 
been there for him and that she always would be.  Maybe, 
just maybe he would let her in this time; let her take some 
of the enormous pain he steadfastly refused to share.  She 
took one step at first.  Moving slowly toward him.  As if 
drawn to him, she continued until she stood only inches 
away.  Standing so close, she could feel the heat of his 
body, could smell his aftershave, and it was all ... the 
same..  She looked up and found his eyes staring into hers.
        Slowly, she raised her right hand upward toward his 
face.  He didn't move; he just stared, waiting, barely 
breathing.  She felt his skin for a fraction of a second 
beneath her palm but then pulled back, hauling her hand away 
and bringing it back to slap him hard across the face.
        "Damn you."  She brushed by him and stood, looking out 
the open window of Perry's office into the dusky sky.
        "Lois,"  Clark turned to her, even as she turned her 
back to him.  His hand pulled up to touch the skin she had 
struck; not out of any sense of pain, but because it was the 
first time she had touched him in so very long.  He let out 
a short breath when she didn't answer him.  "Lois ... "
        "You never said goodbye."  Lois crossed her arms over 
her chest and ran her hands over her shoulders.
        "I couldn't ... "
        "You never wrote, or called."
        "I wanted to but I-"
        "Coward."
        "I know."
        Neither one spoke for long moments.  Finally Lois 
hissed sarcastically.  "Perry thinks that he can just wave 
some magic wand and it will all be better.  That he can 
throw us together like the first time and it'll be easy -- "
        "The first time?  The first time was NOT easy, Lois.  
Nothing about us was ever easy,"  Clark cut in ruefully.
        **Except being in love.  That was so -- natural.** 
Lois sighed.  **Falling in love with you was the only thing 
that was ever easy.**
        "We made it difficult, Clark."  She shook her head.  
"We were always our own worst enemies."
        "And now?"  Clark wasn't even sure what he was asking.  
It was just what he was feeling.
        "Now?"  Lois almost laughed.  "Now.  There is no 'we' 
anymore, Clark.  Lest we -- forget. We may not be divorced, 
but we are legally separated."  She reached out and traced 
the outline of a building through the window, absently.
        "NO, I mean--"  Clark stumbled over what it was he was 
trying to say.  What he really wanted to do was reach out 
and take her into his arms. But something inside of him 
refused to allow him that.
        "I'm seeing someone else."  Lois' whisper wrenched 
Clark back into reality.  "I have been for about two 
months."  She held her breath, waiting for his reaction.  
Knowing she probably should not have told him this way.  But 
she was angry and hurt.  And he was the reason.  He needed 
to know what that felt like.  She heard him breathe out and 
then in again slowly before he responded.
        "Me too."  He sighed.
        This time she turned from the window and regarded him 
straight-faced.  After a while she nodded silently, and then 
turned her head ever so slightly.  Her hair was longer now.  
It fell just below her shoulders, a deep chestnut brown just 
like he remembered it.  And it framed her face like an 
angel.  Through all this, Clark could see the moisture which 
had been gathering in her eyes throughout their 
conversation.  Not yet on the verge of tears, but visibly 
headed in that direction.  If some great claw had reached in 
and torn his beating heart from his chest, he couldn't 
imagine feeling any more agony than he felt now.  So he made 
a resolution.  If he never did anything more courageous in 
his entire life, he would take his pride into his hands and 
act on impulse this one time.  He had nothing more to lose.
        Impetuously, he moved forward and gathered his wife 
into his arms; he pulled her body snug with his and wrapped 
his strong arms around her.  He expected her to pull free, 
to wrench herself from his grasp and possibly even slap him 
again for being so bold, but she did none of those things.  
Instead, he heard her moan softly in the back of her throat; 
it was the closest to crying she had come so far, and he 
felt her arms slide around his own waist as she clung to 
him.  They held together like that for several moments.  She 
cried softly, pressing her forehead against his chest and 
pulling him even closer.  He could feel her hot tears 
through the fabric of his shirt and he couldn't get enough 
of her.  He ran his fingers through her hair and down onto 
her back.  He rested his head atop hers and breathed in the 
smell of her shampoo.  It was wonderful ... it was 
miraculous ... it was--
        Suddenly, Lois began to pull away.  Clark caught her 
look of uncertainty and before she could go any farther, he 
leaned forward on one last whim and captured her mouth with 
his.  It was a hungry, soul-shattering kiss, and Lois let 
herself fall forward until she was pressed tightly against 
him.  She opened her mouth and accepted his questing tongue 
as she too sought to join with him.  Her arms slid up around 
his neck and his wrapped around her waist as the kiss 
continued, inexhaustibly.  Finally, gasping for breath, Lois 
parted lips with his and Clark pressed his forehead against 
hers.  She moved against him one last time and took his lips 
gently in a much softer version of the first encounter.  
Tasting him and allowing herself to marvel in the feel of 
his strong arms pulled around her.  Slowly, this kiss too 
disengaged, as gently as it had begun and Lois let her arms 
fall slowly back down to her sides.  She moved backward to 
stand near him, but no longer against him.
        "That was goodbye, Clark."  Lois swallowed and tried 
to hold her tears in check.  "That was the goodbye we never 
had."
        Clark had known, somehow, that what had just happened 
was not the beginning of something.  That it was an ending 
long postponed.  They both had known.  He nodded, backing 
still further from her to allow her space.  She let out a 
breath and there was silence for a time.
        "Can we work together?"  Clark asked the question 
first.
        "I don't know.  I guess so."  Lois managed in a small 
voice and Clark nodded but didn't speak.  After a while, 
Lois spoke, answering the question she knew was on his mind.
        "His name is David."  She smiled.  "He's a producer 
for PNN, and he's really a wonderful man.  I think you two 
could be friends."
        "If you care for him, then he must be a wonderful 
man."  Clark moved with her to one window and they stood 
side by side, both looking out at the now-darkened sky.
        "Marie."
        "What?"  Lois turned toward her new, old partner.
        "Her name is Marie Rickard and she's-"
        "An anchor for TFN, I've seen her work.  She's very 
good."  Lois held her breath and tried not to think about 
the two of them together.  Clark with this other woman.  She 
had been his first and insanely she wondered -- did he use 
any of the things they had discovered together, making love, 
on her?  Did he make the same sounds when they were 
together?  Was she--
        "Yes, she's very good."  Clark continued.  "And I 
think you'd get along with her too.  She'll be here in a few 
days."
        "She's coming here?"  Lois wasn't really surprised.  
There was a time when she would have followed Clark across 
the universe, never mind the tiny sphere of earth.  She 
would have even followed him to Europe, if he'd let her.
        "Yes."
        Neither spoke for several seconds.
        "Did Perry have time to tell you about the Governor's 
Ball later tonight -- around 9?"  Lois continued to stare 
out at the starry sky as she broke the silence.
        "No, are we supposed to be there?"
        "Yup."  She glanced at Clark and added playfully, 
"Good guess."
        Clark smiled.  "Yeah, well, I learned from the best."  
He felt her hand brush against his where she stood next to 
him and resisted the urge to take it.  This was going to be 
far more complicated than he had ever envisioned.  And while 
a part of him was joyful to be near Lois once again, to be 
able to work with her, another part was terrified.
        Marie would be in Metropolis soon.  And that would 
only make things more difficult, for all of them.  On top of 
that, Clark wasn't sure just how he'd be able to ignore the 
familiar street sounds which had called him to help so many 
times before in his past.  One thing was certain.  Superman 
was dead, and no matter what happened here, there was no way 
Clark could allow him to be resurrected.  The city had been 
without him for over two years already.  Initially headlines 
had speculated that he had left, gone back to the planet 
he'd helped save so long ago to be with his own people.  If 
society had felt hurt or betrayed, they certainly hadn't 
made a very big deal over it.  Yet another reason that 
Superman's disappearance was hardly cause for mourn.  No one 
cared.  The entire media hype lasted for about two weeks 
before, it seemed, the world had forgotten he ever existed.  
Superman was gone.  The question that now remained was 
simple.  What had happened to Clark Kent?
        He looked over at Lois beside him.  She hadn't said a 
word in several minutes.  Neither one of them had.  Clark 
supposed that they both knew some 'thinking' was in order 
and had simply given in to that.  But Lois was aware of him 
watching her.  He could tell by the way that she stood; she 
knew his eyes were on her.  What was the cliche?  The people 
you feel most comfortable around are the ones you can stand 
next to forever and never feel guilty remaining silent.  
Clark sighed inwardly.  He'd have to get back to his hotel 
room and change before the party tonight.  Though he dreaded 
the idea of seeing Lois in another man's company, he could 
hardly deny her that freedom when they had both moved on and 
started over.  This was, after all, what was best for them.  
Wasn't it?  He watched her admire the stars through the 
window and wondered what kept her here, in this room with 
him still.  What kept him here for that matter?  They had 
already effectively finished their conversation and yet 
neither one of them seemed willing to leave.
        "We should go."  Lois vocalized Clark's own thoughts 
almost simultaneously.
        "Okay.  I guess I'll see you tonight."
        "Yeah, I'll be there.  Maybe we can talk -- about 
things--"
        "Work--"  Clark cut in softly.
        "The division, if there's a lull."
        "Okay."  Clark watched Lois turn from the window and 
head toward Perry's office door.  He watched her leave 
through it and then followed soon after.
        For his part, Dan slowly shook his head as he watched 
Clark pad softly down the office corridor several paces 
behind Lois.  "Taken *and* straight.  It just isn't fair."  
He sighed dramatically and got back to the paperwork on his 
desk.

----------------
LATER THAT NIGHT
----------------

        She was absolutely stunning.  Incredible, amazing, 
incomprehensibly beautiful.  Taken.  Clark watched from a 
distance as Lois entered the Paradise Room of PNN's private 
banquet hall in a long, elegant off-the-shoulder evening 
gown, and glided across the dance floor to greet Perry and 
Alice.  Perry and Alice?  That must mean that, well, *that* 
at least was wonderful news.  He wondered what else he had 
missed while hiding away across all those miles of ocean.  
What else indeed.
        Clark set his champagne glass down and moved toward 
the rear wall of the banquet room so that he could see her 
more clearly.  It was a silly, frivolous thing to do, but 
Clark had finished his own initially compulsory meet-greets 
and had been thankfully left to his own devices.  He hadn't 
really all that much to do now *except* to watch her.  And 
it had been so long since he had really been able to see 
her; so long that he now found himself drinking up the 
opportunity like too much fine wine.  Intoxicating didn't 
even begin to describe what she was doing to him.
        **I had her.  I had her in my life and I threw it all 
away.**  The realization struck him like a proverbial Mack 
truck and rattled what was left of the loose corners of his 
mind.  This wasn't exactly breaking news.  He had known 
fairly well what he was doing for two years.  Pushing her 
away time and time again, believing he was only ever going 
to be the fastest road toward heartache for her.  The woman 
married to the Superman.  Only the Superman wasn't so super.  
He had let his own parents die.  How could he expect to be 
able to keep anyone he cared about safe if he couldn't even 
take care of his Mom and Dad?
        Lois loved him.  Once.  She loved him enough to try to 
save him.  But even she knew that there was no saving 
someone who didn't want to be saved.  And that had been 
Clark.  What he reconciled as a means of keeping everything 
from falling apart in his world had only been a poor, vain 
excuse to run away from it all.  If he had realized only one 
thing in Europe, it was this. Yet starting over, in some 
ways, had indeed been exactly what he needed.  It gave him 
back some of his objectivity, and it had allowed him to put 
to rest the one person whom he felt was the root of all his 
troubles.  Superman.

***

        "Lois, honey, we appreciate your taking the time to 
come and talk to us, and you know that we love you, but I 
think there's a man standing right over there that could 
probably use a little conversation more than ourselves."  
Alice smiled at the young woman in front of her and squeezed 
Perry's hand.
        "Ah, Alice is right, honey ... "
        "David's here?"  Lois turned toward the entryway of 
the banquet hall and scanned the crowd of new arrivals for 
his familiar face.  "He said he had to work tonight.  I 
don't see him.."
        "No, dear, it's not David.  It's Clark.  Over there."  
Alice pointed vaguely in the direction of the rear wall 
where Clark was indeed standing.  Holding what appeared to 
be a pad of paper in his hand and sketching something 
slowly, in a very focused manner, without looking up.  Lois 
stood and watched him for a time, from across the room.  
Perry and Alice exchanged knowing glances and moved off 
toward their table hand in hand, leaving Lois, oblivious to 
their departure, to her own thoughts.
        A moment later, Clark looked up.  There were no super-
powers involved.  It had simply been that sixth sense that 
somehow always tells of someone watching.  Their eyes met 
from across the room.  Lois watched Clark take in the view 
of her entire form and she smiled, self-consciously, but 
still liking the attention.  She also knew that they 
couldn't stand there all night gawking at one another from 
afar.  So she made the first move and crossed the dance 
floor, winding her way through a mass of tangled couples, 
until she stood face to face with her husband.
        "Hi."  She could still smell his aftershave, and an 
insane part of her wanted him to take her in his arms so she 
could kiss his neck, feel his warm skin against hers.
        "Hi.  I-um, I made it.  Though it did take me a while 
to figure out which wardrobe the hotel put my tux into."  
Clark held his breath and made a mental note to slow his 
heartbeat.
        "A while?"  Lois inquired.  "Well couldn't you 
just ~-> ... you know, take a few seconds and ... "
        "I don't do any of that anymore.  I never started 
again."
        "Oh."  Lois sighed.  "Well, that would explain a lot 
then, I guess." She reached up impetuously and wiggled his 
tie before she realized what habit had made of her.  She 
giggled.  "Oh, I'm -- well, your tie was crooked.  It's 
straight now."  She tipped her head down the way she always 
did when she was a little embarrassed, and Clark reached out 
to tuck a lock of wayward hair behind her ear.
        "It's all right.  I never was very good at that.  When 
I was little, I remember Mom used to -- "
        Clark stopped suddenly and Lois looked up for an 
instant before she realized why.  But before there was time 
for an awkward silence, Clark continued as though there had 
never been an interruption.  " ... always scold me that I'd 
better marry a woman who had a sense of symmetry or I'd be 
in trouble."  He almost laughed.  "She was right."
        Lois saw the dark shadow leave Clark's face as quickly 
as it had come, and she felt hope for him for the first time 
in a long while.  Two years ago, he would have never 
continued speaking.  "She was right about a lot of things, 
Clark."
        "Well she -- "  Clark started, but Lois placed two 
fingers over his lips and shook her head.
        "A lot of things."  She crossed over and leaned 
against the back wall, next to him.
        "So, do I get to meet David tonight?"  Clark inquired, 
as causally as he was able.
        "Actually, no.  He -- had to work.  Something about 
problems with the dailies in something he's been working on 
for a while now and they're going to try and fix it, 
tonight, of all nights."  Lois sighed.
        "I'm sorry,"  Clark lied.  Lois gave him an odd look.
        "Yeah, well, I'm very good at picking men with jobs 
that call them away at the last second."
        She smiled ruefully and Clark couldn't help but do the 
same.  He turned and faced her.  This woman who accepted him 
in a way no other ever had.  Probably ever would.  The one 
person he had ever been able to trust completely with 
*everything*.  His soul mate.  He had denied her that trust 
in the end.
        "Lois ... "  Clark reached out and took her hand.  She 
appeared a little startled, but not overly so.  And if it 
bothered her at all, she didn't pull away.  He took a 
breath.  "Lois, sometimes, do you ever wish that you could 
-- well, that the things you'd said -- or -- done, could --"  
Clark sighed.  "I'm not communicating very clearly here, am 
I?"  He let go her hand self-consciously.
        Lois smiled.  "Poets often use many words to say a 
simple thing."
        "Fly me to the moon,"  Clark whispered.
        "You remembered."  She held her breath as she looked 
into Clark's eyes and tried to see what it was he was 
feeling.  This was more than a milestone for her.  It was so 
much more of a response from him than she had ever been able 
to get before he'd left.  She didn't know why, but some of 
his barriers weren't up this evening.  And she felt both 
relief that he had let himself heal, if only a little, and 
betrayal that he had not let her be there with him when he 
did.
        "How could I forget?"  The moment went on for what 
seemed like an eternity.  Neither one willing to break the 
sweet silence that meant they could just stare into each 
other's soul for a time.  Finally, Lois spoke.
        "What are you drawing?"  She tipped her head toward 
the palm-sized pad of paper Clark held at his side.
        "What?  Oh, this.  It's just something I do now."  
Clark grinned lopsidedly.  "You know, you'd be surprised how 
difficult it is to do when you have to work so slowly.  It's 
hard to keep your hand from shaking, but I think I'm getting 
better at it.  Marie says I was probably an artist in a 
former life."  He laughed at his own dark humor and Lois 
raised one eyebrow.
        "Okay, so what are you drawing?"  She repeated, more 
than a little curious.
        "It's nothing.  Honestly, you really wouldn't care."
        "Try me."  She fixed him with an 'I dare you to defy 
me' look and Clark shook his head, unable, as ever, to 
refuse her.
        "All right.  But it's really not very good, it's -- "  
He tipped the pad slowly outward and Lois took it into her 
own hands.  Clark shut up and waited while she studied it 
for what seemed like forever.
        "Ohh, Clark it's -- "
        "Really dumb, I know.  Well, I only ever did sketches 
of bad guys before, quickly for the police.  This is, well, 
new to me."
        "No!  No, it's not dumb.  It's incredible.  It's -- 
me."  She glanced up at Clark, who had shoved his hands into 
his pockets once again.  "But I look really -- good.  Wow."  
She took another look at the pad and shook her head.
        "You look beautiful."  Clark watched her look up at 
him, and this time neither one of them smiled.  "Do you want 
to dance, Lois?"  She looked like she was about to cry.  Uh 
oh.  Had he gone too far?
        "Dance.  I think I'd love to dance."  Clark heard her 
breathing; it was only a little irregular.
        But if she was feeling anything even close to what he 
was feeling right now, he didn't wonder why.  Lois set the 
small pad of paper down on the table next to them and Clark 
reached out, taking her hand gently in his as he lead her 
out onto the dance floor.  Once there, he realized that this 
would be more of a challenge than he had thought.
        Dancing with Lois had never been something he'd 
thought much about.  Not even in the beginning, before they 
were a couple.  It was always sort of second nature to him; 
he'd simply known how to hold her even then.  Of course, 
things had become much more intimate between them once they 
had admitted their feeling for one another.  Their embrace, 
even the way their bodies pressed together on the dance 
floor had become far more -- satisfying after that.  But 
now?  Now they weren't exactly anywhere.  Not together, not 
even trying to *get* together.  Well, something was 
certainly happening between them tonight, but it appeared to 
be more of a final moonlit stroll down a dead-end pier.  
What would happen when they got to the end of the dock and 
David was waiting there for her?  Or Marie for him?
        One thing was absolutely certain: no one would ever be 
able to make him feel the way that Lois did.  Never before 
and never after.  Clark had always known that, just as he 
knew that there would never be another 'love' for him in 
this lifetime.  The fact remained, however, that Lois was 
continually in danger whenever he was near, just as his 
parents were, and just as anyone else he cared about would 
always be.  But holding her close to him this way, in this 
moment, Clark wasn't sure if he *could* let her go when the 
song was over.  He knew that he didn't want to, but also 
that he should.  It was so impossibly complicated and yet so 
magically simple all at the same time.  Maybe there were no 
answers?  Maybe there were only questions that had to be 
answered together, or not at all.
        Clark rested one hand gently at Lois' back and took 
her offered hand with his other.  Lois smiled and raised her 
own arm up to light against his strong shoulder.  The music 
carried the slow movement of their bodies in tandem and 
neither spoke at first.  Clark found himself going insane.  
Wanting so desperately to pull her closer, to feel her warm 
body pressed tightly against his.  He raised his eyes and 
met her own, briefly.  Lois caught her breath and looked 
discretely downward for a moment, before returning her gaze 
to his.
        She'd seen that look in his eyes before!  She'd waited 
and prayed to see it again, so many times in their last year 
together, but he'd hidden it from her while she quietly 
mourned for him.  **Oh, my Clark.  Why did you shut me 
out?** Her mind implored him, though her voice remained 
silent.  Were things different now?  *Could* things ever be 
different?  She swallowed and fought at the firewall of 
emotion which begged her to take him into her arms right 
here, in front of everyone.
        More out of habit than any conscious thought, she 
reached up the hand which had been on his shoulder and 
smoothed his hair, smiling when she had it the way she liked 
it.  She let her gaze trail over the chiseled features of 
his gorgeous face and along the corded muscles of his 
throat.  He loved it when she kissed him there.  She 
remembered the soft groans he used to make when she touched 
him, when she brushed her lips gently over his neck.  She 
trailed one finger over the firm flesh while she languished 
in her delicious thoughts and looked up only when she heard 
Clark's sharp intake of breath.  They both froze.
        Lois slowly, reluctantly shifted her hand back onto 
his shoulder and Clark swallowed.  She was so gentle with 
him, always.  His mind spun from the effect that just the 
very tips of her fingers against the warm skin of his neck 
had caused inside of him.  The words to a nameless slow song 
continued to flow through the air and their bodies reclaimed 
a previous rhythm.  He felt her hand on his shoulder, and 
unconsciously began to move his hand gently over the small 
of her back.  Before Lois was aware of what had happened, 
she found herself pressed against the front of Clark's warm 
body in a way that was *not* how they had started out.  
Caught up in the magic of the moment, Lois let her arm slide 
down from Clark's shoulder, over his lapel and inside the 
folds of his jacket, against his side.  God, he smelled so 
good.  She remembered what it had been like before, when he 
would take her in his arms and hold her close.  How she 
would fold herself into his embrace, pressed against his 
chest, his hips, his-- Just losing herself to the feel of 
him, of *them* and the way he made her heart so exquisitely 
warm.  It was incredible then.  It was pretty incredible 
right now.  She wondered if he was also aware of what had 
happened to them through out the course of the song.  The 
way his own arms held her close.  But she was too afraid to 
look up.  She knew that if she pulled away for even that 
instant, the moment would end.  He would let go of her, and 
she of him, and there would be that coldness that she had 
almost overcome in the last few months.  A coldness that 
hurt more than she ever dreamed possible.  No, she was not 
prepared for this moment to end.  She heard Clark sigh and 
felt him move closer, pulling their joined hands in toward 
their bodies, he brushed the side of his head against hers.  
Lois shivered.
        "Clark?"
        Both Lois and Clark froze in their positions as a 
woman's voice invoked the interruption for them.  Lois 
sighed deeply and disengaged from her husband, who opened 
his eyes and stared deeply into hers.  She felt a rush of 
conflicting emotions.  Most of them begging her to kiss him.
        "May I cut in?"
        Clark turned toward the familiar voice and backed two 
steps away from Lois, clearing his throat.  "Marie!"  How 
had she?  He smiled, trying his best to look as pleased as 
possible, which, under the circumstances, he wasn't very.  
"You're here.  I'm -- a little shocked, I-I mean, I thought 
you'd be out later next week ... "
        Lois stood on the periphery of the couple who were now 
taking small steps toward each other.  Her heart rate 
increased and she held her head up higher than she had been 
before, though she remained silent.
        "I was."  Marie reached out and Clark hugged her 
awkwardly, trying not to look at Lois.  Trying not to think 
of Lois.  Which was impossible since she was standing right 
there; since she had just been dancing in his arms.  "I 
caught an earlier flight.  I wanted to surprise you."  She 
disengaged and grinned up at him.  "Surprise!"
        "Yeah, yes, I mean ... that's great."  Clark swallowed 
and then remembered his manners.
        "Oh, oh, Marie, this -- "  He moved aside and 
indicated where Lois was standing.  " -- this is Lois Lane, 
my -- "
        "Ex.  Yes, I've seen your photos.  You know, ever 
since I've known Clark, he's had those photos up on almost 
every open surface in his flat.  There are so many, you must 
have lived in front of a camera for over a year."  Marie 
laughed and extended a hand in greeting.  "Marie Rickard."  
Lois cleared her throat, took Marie's hand and shook it 
firmly.  "Well, I guess we did -- take a lot of pictures, in 
the beginning."  There was a pregnant pause as Lois glanced 
over at Clark and found his expression to be one of quiet 
apology.  It was so sad; she almost felt like reaching out 
and telling him that it was okay, They had both moved on.  
So then why did she feel so-
        "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"  Lois fanned 
herself slightly as her eyes searched for an escape.  
*Anything* to get her away from 'Marie Surprise Rickard'.  
It wasn't that she didn't like the woman.  Well, okay, it 
was.  But up until now, she had always had a healthy respect 
for her as a journalist and as an anchor person.  Why should 
the fact that she was Clark's new ... whatever ... make any 
difference to her?  Whatever the reason, it just seemed that 
it *did* make a difference, and since rationalizing things 
wasn't nearly as satisfying as allowing herself the luxury 
of disliking the woman immediately, Lois decided not to 
fight it.  At least for now.
        "I am a little warm myself, actually,"  Marie chimed 
in sweetly.  "And I just got here.  But Clark looks fine."  
Clark shrugged and tried somewhat unsuccessfully not to look 
as uncomfortable as he was feeling.  "In fact,"  Marie 
continued, "Clark's the only man I've ever met who doesn't 
seem to get hot in a close, crowded room."  She smiled and 
patted his shoulder.
        **I've seen him get hot before,** Lois thought 
impetuously, and then mentally slapped herself for the 
indulgence.  She tossed a look at Clark and understood 
almost immediately when he swallowed and returned her 
another.  He hadn't told Marie.  She didn't know about him, 
or his powers.  In fact, Lois wasn't sure if she knew much 
about the man in the tux at all beyond the obviously 
wonderful way it fit him.  To her surprise, and somewhat to 
her chagrin, she found herself taking more than a little 
smug satisfaction in that fact.  In knowing that he still 
hadn't trusted someone else with his secret.  She was now 
the only person alive who knew about who he really was -- or 
maybe more to the point -- who he *had* been, once.  Yes, 
that had to be it.  He wasn't telling anyone because he'd 
closed the book on that chapter in his life.  Or tried to, 
anyway.  Judging by the pathetic expression on his face 
right about now, she wasn't at all sure that he had fully 
realized *any* of his resolutions over in Europe.
        Did this mean he hadn't slept with Marie either?  She 
was a beautiful woman, and she hung over Clark even better 
than Mayson Drake ever had.  How could he have resisted her?  
But there was so much she didn't seem to know about him, 
things that an intimate relationship *should* have revealed.  
Lois stifled a sigh of relief, or maybe it was an irrational 
form of joy.  If Clark truly hadn't been with this woman, 
despite all of her obvious charms, then that might mean-
        "You know what?"  Lois smiled at Marie.  "I think I'm 
going to get something to drink.  Maybe that will -- cool me 
off a bit."  She turned, heading out toward a man in black 
carrying a try of glasses and Clark watched her go, 
regretfully.  Almost wishing ...
        "What?"  Clark felt the tug of Marie's hand on his arm 
and he turned to her.
        "What is it, Clark?  You're a million miles away.  
With Lois, I think."  She watched him with a pleasant enough 
expression, and Clark wasn't sure exactly how to respond.
        "I'm sorry.  I wasn't.  Uh, with Lois I mean.  She and 
I were just dancing -- for old times' sake.  It appears that 
we're going to be partners again."  This time he waited for 
Marie's response before continuing.  To his surprise, she 
grinned at him!
        "I know.  They told me in Paris.  To be honest, not 
that I'm the jealous type or anything,"  Clark looked 
worried.  "Because I'm not,"  Marie continued,  "but I guess 
that's one of the reasons I took an earlier flight."  She 
toyed playfully with one of his lapels.  "Well, that and I 
really wanted to see you."
        Clark sighed.  She did look very nice, well, very 
*very* nice in her dress.  But he had been right.  Seeing 
her *and* Lois in the same room at the same time was 
difficult to reconcile.  It was something he thought he'd 
never have to do, so many miles away in Paris.  Hiding from 
-- himself?  Whatever.  It was happening now, and he still 
had yet to figure out how to handle it.  Or even if he was 
*supposed* to 'handle it.'
        "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a very special request 
right now ... " Clark and everyone else in the room snapped 
to attention as one of the members of the band, which had 
been unobtrusively playing soft music up until this point, 
suddenly spoke up.  "The dedication is: To Lovers.  Past and 
Future."  The tall band member went on as the rest of the 
crowd continued to whisper at their tables or among 
themselves while they waited on the dance floor.
        "You forgot Present!"  Someone threw back, and the 
group murmured their amusement.
        "No, it was explicitly left out."  The man with the 
mike raised his eyebrows and the entire room laughed.  "All 
right then, 'Fly me to the Moon.'"
        Clark's heart nearly stopped and he whirled around to 
face Lois, who stood across the room from him, staring back.  
She definitely looked like she had had the same reaction, 
but Clark was unable to respond to her gaze because he felt 
himself pulled around, his arms taking another woman into 
their grasp.
        "I guess, since we aren't lovers yet, that could apply 
to us," Marie whispered.  Clark cleared his throat, 
readjusting his position and trying not to listen to the 
familiar words of a song which would only ever remind him of 
one woman ...

        #Poets often use many words to say a simple thing ...

        In the far corner of the room, Perry exchanged a 
glance with Alice and shook his head.  Lois stood off to the 
side wall of the banquet hall and looked -- lost.  Holding a 
glass of Chardonnay in one hand and a dream in the other, 
she reminded him a little of a high-school girl at a 
gymnasium dance.

        #With music and words I've been playing,
        #For you I have written a song ...

        Perry glanced up from his table and moved one hand 
slowly forward, pointing at a man in a tuxedo near the 
entrance to the Paradise Room.  The man nodded and 
disappeared around the corner.

        #To be sure that you'll know what I'm saying, 
        #I'll translate as I go along:

        Clark felt Marie's arms around his neck and he closed 
his eyes.  He was such a traitor.  But all he could think 
about was Lois, in this same position, as she had been only 
minutes ago.  It wasn't fair.  It was impossibly unfair and 
he forced himself to visualize all of the really good times 
he had had with Marie in Europe.  The things that had made 
him care so much about her.  It was working ...
        **RING**
        Clark opened his eyes and was grateful that they 
hadn't turned in their position; his back was still toward 
Lois.  But what had that noise been?
        **RING**
        He patted his pockets and realized that he wasn't 
carrying his cell phone on him this evening.  It had to 
be ...
        "Damn.  I'm sorry, Clark.  I have to take this -- I've 
only told three people my cell number over here and it might 
be important."  She apologized and moved quickly away from 
him toward the room's entrance.  Clark watched her for a 
brief moment, but his mind was elsewhere.  It was impossible 
to concentrate so intently on a thing and not emerge 
somewhat confused when reality began to set itself 
stubbornly back into place.  The music was still playing ...

        #Fly me to the moon ...

        He began to turn around, slowly.

        #And let me play among the stars ...

        She was still there.  Still absolutely, incredibly 
breathtaking.  She held half a glass of Chardonnay in one 
hand and she glanced down, self-consciously, at the floor 
when she realized he had seen her watching him.  Lois' 
sensitivity to these types of situations was one of the 
things that had made Clark fall so head-over-heels in love 
with her.  The way she threw out 'hard-bitten news woman' 
with one hand and desperately sought emotional justification 
with the other.  That, and Clark remembered with a slight 
smile, just about everything else about her.

        #Let me see what spring is like, 
        #On Jupiter and Mars,

        He moved toward her slowly, not really thinking about 
it.  Not really caring why.  Just ... following something he 
didn't feel the slightest urge to fight right now.

        #In other words, 
        #Hold my hand ...

        He was either crazy or the music had made him so, yet 
still he placed one foot firmly in front of the other, until 
he stood face to face with her.  She was right next to the 
band stand, just off the edge of the dance floor, near a 
small table.  Clark froze; his gaze locked with hers.  And 
for a moment, neither of them spoke or moved..

        #In other words, 
        #Darling, kiss me ...

        Slowly, she set her glass down on the table next to 
her and took two steps toward him.
        It was she who finally moved forward, into his arms.  
She who felt his hands around her back, moving softly, 
pulling her closer.  She who lay her head against his chest 
and felt him sigh beneath her.  There were no words.  There 
didn't have to be.  There wasn't anything that either of 
them would have allowed themselves to say anyway.

        #Fill my heart with song, 
        #And let me sing forevermore ...

        After all, what could you say to the one person who 
made your heart skip a beat every time she looked in your 
direction?  The one person who held you helpless in his arms 
every time your body melted against his?  What could you say 
when you *knew* that there was no going back ...

        #You are all I long for.  
        #All I worship and adore,

        Clark closed his eyes and concentrated on the feeling 
of her body pressed against him.  He breathed in the smell 
of her perfume and let his fingers trace a slow pattern 
across the bare skin at her back.  Lois shivered and melted 
further into his embrace.

        #In other words, 
        #Please be true;

        If there were any justice in the universe, this song 
would never end. Lois felt her mind reach out to *any* deity 
that might listen.  She didn't know if Clark had any idea of 
what his soft caress at her back was doing to her.  The way 
she had to consciously keep herself from shivering as his 
fingertips brushed against her skin.  The way she longed to 
press her entire body deeply into his and take his mouth in 
the most primal, desperate, urgent kiss imaginable ...

        #In other words,

        Clark looked down at Lois, whose eyes were closed as 
they clung to one another, experiencing their song, one last 
time, together.  He was feeling a thousand different things, 
the most urgent of which was an aching, pulsing, agonizing 
heartache, begging him to satisfy himself with her the way 
he'd dreamed of for so long since their separation.  She 
opened her eyes, large and luminous, dark with pent-up 
desire.  Clark thought they were more beautiful than he had 
ever seen them before.  Her lips were soft and moist and 
parted ever so slightly, and he KNEW.

        #I love you ...

        Her arms reached up around his neck and he shifted his 
body against hers as the music, by some miracle, continued.  
Clark felt her breath against his skin and then, at last, 
the brush of her lips against his own.  God, it was so 
sweet, so incredibly sensual, and he felt her instinctively 
press forward to deepen the encounter.  She was so soft, so-
        "Clark?"
        What?  Oh God, that was Marie!  What if she had ... 
no, he had picked her voice out from across the room.  She 
hadn't seen them yet, but her call had been loud enough to 
hear, even without superpowers.  Suddenly, as if on some 
diabolical cue, the entire moment had been shattered.  Lois' 
body stiffened and straightened in his arms and the two 
disengaged, breathing deeply and staring into one another's 
eyes, not entirely sure how to proceed.
        But there wasn't time to decide because Marie would 
certainly see him in a few seconds.  Clark's shoulder's fell 
a little and he began to turn away from Lois, toward Marie's 
direction for the inevitable encounter.  But suddenly, 
inexplicably, Clark found himself once again face to face 
with a slightly defiant looking Lois Lane, who had slipped 
around and in front of him.  He saw her eyes glistening with 
moisture, though her head was held high and then, somehow, 
they were kissing again.  Hungrily, their hands urgently 
exploring one another's bodies, in the most incredibly 
sensual way and in the midst of so many other dancing 
couples.  It was absolutely primal, exhilaratingly 
exquisite. And then it was over.  Almost as suddenly as she 
had embraced him, Lois stood back.  Letting out a long 
breath and licking her already moist lips, she gazed into 
his dark eyes for what seemed like an eternity.  Until he 
reluctantly turned in the direction of Marie's voice once 
again.  He cast one last glance over his shoulder as Marie 
came forward into his arms, but Lois was gone.  And it had 
all been so impossibly uncontrollable, he wondered if she 
had ever even been there to begin with.

***

        Across the lobby, a man in a dark suit slipped his 
cell phone into a jacket pocket and smiled.  Mr. White would 
be pleased.

***

        Marie slipped her phone back into her purse and 
frowned.  It was so strange that someone from work would 
call her this late at night, and at a party they all knew 
about, just to remind her of tomorrow's lead-ins.  What was 
even stranger was that she didn't remember giving her new 
cell number out to anyone at the studio.  Yet somehow ... 
well, whatever it was, it wasn't interfering with any of her 
other plans right now, so what did it really matter?  Marie 
smiled as Clark accepted her hug, then she pulled away to 
speak.
        "So, stranger, did you get to enjoy that last song, at 
least?  I know you like it; I've heard you listening to it 
nights in your flat.  But when I've gotten there, you've 
always turned it off."  She frowned slightly and then shook 
her head.  "You know what I don't get about men?  Why they 
are always too shy to let the world know they're real 
romantics at heart.  That song is so ... "
        "Yeah."  Clark sighed but then quickly found his 
reserve once again.  "Anyway, you're back now; was it 
important?"
        "Oddly enough, no.  It was just the studio.  I have no 
idea how they got my number or why they called so late."
        "Oh, well, all right, I- um, I guess we don't have to 
stay here late tonight.  We could -- go.  If you want."  
Clark glanced over his shoulder once again in a last-ditch 
attempt to catch a glimpse of where Lois might have 
disappeared to, but she was nowhere to be seen.  He sighed, 
softly, sadly, and looked back at Marie.
        "Yes, actually,"  Marie moved in closer and whispered 
against him.  "I was thinking that we might leave a little 
early and -- "
        **RING**
        Clark swallowed and couldn't believe how relieved he 
had been to hear that noise once again.  He shouldn't have 
been relieved at all.  But he had been.  His encounter with 
Lois had been so incredibly sensual and yet so 
heartbreakingly sad all the same.  Clark took in a deep 
breath, remembering her hands against his arms, his neck, 
the way her breath felt against his skin.  She tasted so 
sweet.  Clark shifted in his position, finding that he was 
now larger in places he wished he wasn't and desperately 
praying that Marie would not notice.  They had never talked 
much about being together intimately, but the thought of 
spending even one moment in that way with any woman other 
than Lois made Clark almost ill with guilt.  That, and he 
didn't think that he could ever want or need anyone the way 
he wanted and needed Lois Lane.
        **RING**
        Marie sighed, exasperated.  "This will -- just be a 
few minutes, sweetheart, I promise."  She tipped her head up 
and kissed his cheek quickly before moving off once again 
toward the relative quiet of the lobby.
        Clark watched as Marie scurried out toward the coat 
check area and then disappeared.  Thoughts of Lois continued 
to arouse him and he was more than a little confused and 
anxious.  Mostly, he wanted to get out of there.  Away from 
his feelings and far from the intense reminder of Lois' body 
against his.
        Superman suddenly needed some air.
        Slowly, Clark scanned the room and then, finding what 
he had been looking for, headed in the direction of a small 
doorway.  PNN's main building was enormous, and they had 
designed it with small, office-like boardrooms accessible 
even from the banquet hall.  One never knew just when an 
urgent meeting would have to take place, even at a social 
gathering.  Clark smiled.  Lois probably loved the new 
building.  Making his way through the table and chairs, and 
the bodies seated in them, Clark found himself sliding 
quickly and quietly through the doorway, shutting it softly 
behind him and sighing inwardly as the rush and hubbub of 
the party beyond fell silent.
        He was greeted by a dark, empty room.  A dozen or so 
leather executive chairs stood guard around a Chippendale 
oak table, and floor-to-ceiling windows looked out, a short 
three stories over the city street.  Light filtered in from 
the street lamps below, and from the stars, but Clark 
decided against the ceiling fluorescents.  All he wanted to 
do was unwind, and this certainly seemed as ideal a place as 
any.
        And so he stood, looking out at the city, listening to 
the sound of his own breathing and not surprisingly, 
thinking of Lois.  Reaching out, he pulled a chair forward 
from behind him and sank into it, grateful for the executive 
comfort it offered his traitorous body.  But now, something 
was different.  In the darkness he could hear the sound of 
soft breathing -- or was it -- 
        Turning in his chair, he moved the chair next to him 
aside, slowly, and then stopped suddenly, letting out a 
breath.
        "Lois."
        Lois sat, or rather perhaps she lay, curled up in the 
large chair, her dress folded underneath her, her legs 
pulled inside.  She had been asleep.  That much was obvious, 
but now she was awake, and it was very clear to Clark that 
she had been crying.
        "Lois."  Clark whispered again as he reached out a 
hand and brushed her hair back behind her ear, gently.  
"What's wrong?"  He had to ask.  Assuming he knew the answer 
would be arrogant, and besides, asking gave him *something* 
coherent to say to her now, when all he really wanted to do 
was gather her into his arms and hold her.  Lois breathed in 
slowly, aware now that she had been crying in her sleep, and 
even in wakefulness, feeling a sense of overwhelming sadness 
wash over her.
        "Clark."  Lois acknowledged both his presence and his 
awareness of her current -- situation.  She sighed softly 
before continuing.  "I don't know."
        Bowing her head, Lois tried somewhat unsuccessfully to 
quell her newly impending tears.  "I mean ... "  Lois stood 
up slowly and made her way toward the window before turning 
back to face him.  " ... I just came in here before, to get 
out of all the noise after -- "
        She glanced at him and he looked as though he 
completely understood her.  In that moment, she wanted him 
to hold onto her more than she had ever wanted anything in 
her entire life.  Or at least, it felt that way.  But she 
continued instead.  "I guess I was watching the lights in 
the city and I just curled up in a chair the way we used to, 
by the fire, only there was no fire here, but for some 
reason I still felt -- "  Her voice trailed off into silence 
and neither spoke for a moment until Lois looked up once 
again.  Her eyes shone with new and ready teardrops.  She 
shook her head, unable to speak.  Clark thought that his 
heart would twist out of his chest at her admission.  
**Lois, I do love you; I need you.  I want to make this 
right again!  But I don't know how!  I don't even know if I 
have the right to try.** Clark's mind screamed in 
frustration and anguish and his body moved forward in the 
chair of its own volition.
        When she did not move, but continued to hang her head, 
Clark stood.  He came forward and pulled her gently into his 
arms, rocking with her back and forth until she began to cry 
in earnest.  He used every ounce of willpower in his body to 
keep his own emotions in check as he tightened his arms 
around her and moved them both back into the chair.  Lois 
clung to him as though it would save her soul.  Clark could 
not remember having seen her this way before, not even when 
he'd held her in her apartment soon after they'd met, when 
she feared for her life after witnessing a crime.
        Right now, she seemed a lot like a little girl, and 
yet, this was no little girl he held in his arms.  She had 
fought off men twice his size in the past and had come out 
'on top.'  Lois ducked her head underneath Clark's chin as 
she held onto him, and Clark shifted sideways to accommodate 
her, pressing his face into her hair.  Feeling the softness 
of her and needing her there as much as she needed him.  
Through the windows, the light from the city filtered in and 
shimmered off of her hair, making the tiny trails of silent 
teardrops sparkle against her skin.
        Clark let his hands move down her arms from her 
shoulders in a comforting way, letting her cry and trying 
desperately not to go there himself.  He knew now.  Where 
things had been painfully unclear before, they were so 
apparent in this very moment.  And he had never been more 
wrong, or felt more like a coward.
        He felt Lois inhale deeply and press the side of her 
face tightly against his chest.  If she could allow herself 
to let him hold her now, after everything, and take solace 
in his arms, then why couldn't he have let her offer the 
same when he'd needed it?  There were no easy answers, but 
after two years, one thing was abundantly clear -- it was a 
matter of trust. She trusted him to comfort her.  And him?  
He had ... not given her that same trust.  Oh, God, what had 
he done?
        "Oh, I do trust you, Lois,"  Clark murmured softly.  
"God help me for not telling you two years ago.  I've always 
trusted you."  He sighed, though he wasn't even aware that 
she had heard him..  Lois turned in his arms until she could 
see into his eyes, and she searched them for a moment.  
There was so much pain there, longing, regret, despair, and 
incredible strength even so.  That was Clark.  He kept all 
the pain and the horror of his life inside.  Maintaining 
some impossible struggle to keep everyone he loved safe from 
harm ... even emotional harm.  Lois knew all about bottling 
things up.  She understood how crazy and intense things 
could become, and how out of control they could get.  Even a 
Superman couldn't last forever that way.
        And then there was her Clark.  She loved him so 
completely and utterly that sometimes she wondered if the 
rest of the world could even understand the bond they 
shared.  It had always been the most intense, most wonderful 
feeling she had ever experienced.  And it had nearly killed 
her when he wouldn't let her in, wouldn't let her help him 
or touch him emotionally, when he needed that so much.
        And now?  Well, there wasn't anything she could bring 
herself to say right now.  Breaking eye contact, Lois slowly 
lowered her head back onto Clark's chest and sighed deeply.  
She heard Clark do the same and felt his arms continue to 
caress hers.  Where were they?
        They were on their first night of Clark's return to 
Metropolis, and already they had found themselves in each 
other's arms three times.  That was almost more intimate 
contact than Clark had allowed himself to have with her for 
the final year before their separation.  If their situation 
had been somewhat different, Lois might have laughed at the 
irony in that.  But for right now, holding onto Clark seemed 
like the only sure and solid thing Lois could do.  Something 
was different.  Clark was different.  And Lois wasn't sure 
what had changed in him, or how, but despite any rational 
thought to the contrary, she was unable, and her traitorous 
body was completely unwilling, to push him away when he held 
her like this.
        It was him, she decided.  Clark had been so hopelessly 
lost before; Lois could never have stood to see him in so 
much agony.  Helping others had always kept a measure of 
Clark's sanity and purpose intact.  Helping her, helping 
*them*, had kept them both whole and strong -- together.  
Things had only begun to fall apart the day that Clark had 
stopped letting them keep each other strong.
        Clark could sense that she was thinking.  Her soft 
crying had stopped some time ago and ever since she'd turned 
and looked at him in a way that made him feel like she had 
found a way to see into his very soul, he'd known that she 
was making some sort of a decision.  But he had never been 
very good at second guessing Lois Lane.  No one could.  That 
was, perhaps, one of the reasons he'd fallen in love with 
her.  She was his equal, in every way that mattered.
        Clark inhaled deeply, taking with his breath the smell 
of Lois' shampoo and that innate knowledge he always felt 
silly about, the one which made him hyper-aware of how soft 
her hair was.  It made him feel almost giddy.  But 
overwhelming even that sensation was the one which held him 
apart from her.  The one which held them both at emotional 
arms' length despite their physical closeness at the moment.  
He wished he could do more than let his fingers brush 
against her arm, comforting her.  He wished that he could --
        *Click*
        Clark wasn't sure what happened first.  Had the door 
opened?  Or had Lois suddenly disappeared from his arms and 
reappeared by the window an instant later?  The two events 
seemed almost simultaneous to him, despite any Super Senses 
which he could have been (but hadn't been) using.  The door 
*did* open, and Lois was certainly now standing silhouetted 
against a floor-length window overlooking the city lights 
below.
        "Perry."  Clark rose from his seat to greet the man 
who now stood in the doorway, staring in an almost paternal 
way at both himself and at Lois.  A decidedly Perry-like 
stare certainly.  Clark tried to smile and even made it 
halfway.  "I just ca-- *we* just came in here to --"
        "Breathe"  "Talk"
        They had both spoken at the same time and Clark shook 
his head.  It was happening all over again, wasn't it?  Was 
that the way history worked?  Doomed to repeat the same 
simple steps over and over and over again, until all you 
really wanted was some ...
        "We needed some space, I guess."  Lois spoke softly 
and Clark glanced up at her, not quite surprised that she 
had finished his thought, but somewhat struck by the 
realization that he wanted to feel this way again almost as 
desperately as he wanted to run right out of the room and 
take the next flight out of Metropolis.
        She smiled at him then.  She smiled, and all of it 
somehow simply ... went away.  His fear, his thoughts of 
leaving, his ability to speak.
        "Son?"
        It was then that Clark knew he had been staring.  
Looking straight at her, maybe inside of her.  Oh, not in 
the traditional "X-ray" way, but in his own personal, 
emotional way.  In 'their' way of somehow being able to know 
and understand each other's innermost feelings and desires.  
She was so ... hurt by him.
        He looked up, away from her liquid eyes and faced 
Perry.  "I'm -- sorry, Chief, Lois."  He afforded her a 
glance before continuing.  "I know I wasn't listening, it's 
just -- there's been a lot on my mind tonight.  I just got 
back here and it's taking time for me to settle in, I guess.  
Anyway, I think I just need a little rest.  I hope you don't 
mind.  I'm going to see if I can find Marie and take her 
home.  I need to go home.  I need -- Look, um, goodnight."
        Clark nodded to the Chief and made his way quickly 
past the smaller, yet no less significant man in the 
doorway.  He didn't even stop to look at Lois this time.  He 
needed to go home?  Home?  Where exactly was that here?  He 
sighed and hurried through the substantially less crowded 
dance floor.  Better go find Marie and get them both out of 
here before he lost any more of his answers to ... Her.

***

        Lois sighed and Perry shook his head before walking 
slowly into the room.  He watched her standing near the 
window, not really focusing on any one thing in the room, 
and for the first time in a long time, he felt angry.  Angry 
at Clark for being this way, angry at himself for not being 
able to help the two kids he thought of just as fondly as he 
did his own children.
        "Ohh, honey.  Ah, I guess I can talk to you alone, 
though I had wanted to speak with you both."  Perry tossed a 
look over his shoulder at the empty doorway.  "Are you all 
right with this, Lois?  I know that sometimes I can get some 
really hair-brained ideas into my old head and if you feel 
like -- "
        "No."  She cut him off, smiling slightly.  "No, Perry, 
it's fine.  We're fine.  I mean, there is no *we*, so 
everything is just -- fine.  Really."
        Perry looked at her as though she had just told him 
that she was about to skydive out the window without a 
parachute.  But whatever he was thinking, he didn't say it.  
Instead, he simply nodded, more to himself than anyone else, 
and let out a breath.  "Do you need a ride home, honey?  
Alice and I can take you; it's getting late."
        "Sure, yes.  I'd appreciate that, Perry.  I've had ... 
well, I guess I don't remember how many glasses of wine I've 
had tonight.  That's probably a good idea."  Lois smiled 
again and let Perry put an arm around her and lead her from 
the conference room.  Tomorrow was another day after all.  
Another day at work.  Another day -- with Clark.  Oh, heaven 
have mercy.

***

        Clark stopped in the foyer of PNN's enormous building.  
Marie was nowhere to be found, and he was becoming more than 
a little worried.  She'd said she had only a phone call to 
complete, so where was she?  He sighed, resisting the urge 
to look for her with his powers.  No, if he was to be simply 
a man again, he would need to forget that he even had those 
abilities.  Clark grimaced when a tiny corner of his mind 
intruded rudely to the fore with the comment that if it were 
Lois who was missing in this way, he would probably already 
have broken all his personal vows of inaction to find her.  
But that was different.  That was different because, 
because, well, because Lois had a penchant for getting 
herself into trouble in a way that no other person he'd ever 
met had.  She could certainly always -- Now was not the time 
to be thinking of Lois!  Clark chastised himself and 
concentrated on finding Marie.  She had to be here 
somewhere.  She was too new to the city to be on anyone's 
hit list.  And he knew her better than to believe she would 
have ventured out into the night street when she knew almost 
nothing about the city.
        "Marie?"  Clark called into the partially filled 
foyer.  Couples were entering and exiting the building at a 
fairly regular pace, but he couldn't see her anywhere.  
"Marie?"  Suddenly he felt two female arms on his back and 
he spun around.
        "Marie!  You had me worried!  I'm sorry; I -- um ... 
shall we go?  It's getting late and I'd like to get to bed 
at a reasonable hour tonight, seeing as -- "  Marie cut off 
his babble mid-sentence.
        "All right."  Marie reached up and patted Clark's arm 
softly.  "I think we should -- "
        " -- talk."  Clark finished for her.
        "How did you know?"  she chimed, smiling playfully.
        "I was thinking the same thing, well, about the 
talking anyway." Clark smiled sadly and linked his arm with 
Marie's, guiding her toward the heavy double doors at the 
building's entrance.  "But not here.  The hotel room?"
        Marie gave a low chuckle.  "How could I refuse an 
offer like that, Mr. Kent?"
        Clark sighed and ducked his head down with the 
appropriate amount of modesty.  As he looked up, he caught 
sight of the other end of the room and stopped his head mid-
motion.
        Across the floor, Perry and Alice were putting on 
their respective coats.  Lois was with them and he heard her 
laugh as Perry helped her on with her uncooperative car 
coat.
        Clark sighed.  Lois turned just then, and for a brief 
moment their eyes locked.  Her expression seemed impassive.  
If she minded that he was holding another woman, it didn't 
show on her face, but she looked almost --
        "Clark?  Are you all right?"  Marie's voice brought 
him out of his trance and he turned his head around to face 
her, realizing that he must have looked odd from her angle.
        "I'm -- fine."  He cast a quick glance at Lois who 
caught his eyes again and then looked away just as quickly.  
He frowned.  "Just a bit of a headache, I guess.  Strange.  
Maybe it's still the jetlag.  I haven't traveled extensively 
in a long time; I'm probably not used to it anymore."  He 
smiled ruefully and felt Marie's soft tug on his arm.  In 
seconds, they had made their way across the room and outside 
into the cool night air.

***

        Lois slipped the key into the lock of her elegant one-
bedroom apartment and wiggled it until it clicked and the 
door slid quietly open.  It was a nice apartment, a lease 
she had taken over four months after Clark had left 
Metropolis.  The brownstone they'd bought after their 
honeymoon had been wonderful, certainly within her new and 
much improved salary range, but there was too much of ... 
Clark for her to remain there comfortably.  It was the 
memories that had hurt her most afterwards.  And she 
wondered how and why he could have done what he did in 
taking off, never even calling to say goodbye.  There had 
been nothing then, except a single white rose on her pillow 
when she'd come home from work that evening.
        The hurt, the anger, the maddening, soul-shattering 
ache she'd felt when Perry gave her Clark's message the next 
day and she realized he never intended to come back; all of 
it reeled anew inside of her tonight, and she fought her 
feelings the way she had learned to long ago.
        Dropping her purse onto a nearby chair, Lois pulled 
her earrings off and headed toward the bedroom with a deep 
sigh.

***

        Clark sat on the edge of his bed and started to remove 
his tie.  Marie moved quickly from one end of the hotel room 
to the other, dropping two ice cubes into a glass and 
pouring herself some water from a nearby pitcher.  She made 
her way around the side of the bed and sat next to Clark, 
holding her glass in her lap with both hands.
        "So ... "  Marie smiled and watched as Clark fidgeted 
with his tie.
        Finally, he gave up, placing his hands in his own lap.  
"You know, it's always worse when you plan on having a 
conversation, isn't it?"  He chuckled and Marie followed his 
lead.
        "I guess that depends on what you plan on talking 
about,"  she said matter-of-factly.
        Clark nodded in agreement.  "Right.  Well, that's 
actually -"
        "It's Lois, isn't it?"  Marie cut in, nodding as she 
spoke.  Her hands trembled in her lap and a small drop of 
water spilled over the edge of her glass.
        Clark dropped his head to his chest and then lifted it 
again.  "Marie-"
        "I could see, Clark.  I mean, at first I pretended 
that it wasn't there, and then that it didn't matter, but it 
was so obvious.  I saw the way you were looking at her.  I 
saw the way she was looking at *you.*"
        Clark glanced at his hands in his lap.  Marie went on, 
the tremor evident in her voice despite her best 'news 
anchor' training.  Clark had to admire her courage.
        "You're still in love with your wife, aren't you?"
        A heavy silence fell over the room and Clark 
swallowed.  This wasn't exactly what he had intended to 
happen, but then, nothing ever seemed to work out the way he 
intended where women were concerned.
        "Marie.  I care about you -- so much.  You're more 
special to me than you can ever know,"  he began.
        "But?"  Marie tried to smile, but was losing her 
ground rapidly.
        "But -- I wasn't fair to you."  He found her eyes and 
held them for a moment.
        "I see."  She looked away and Clark could see the 
tears in her eyes.  "I mean I- "  she trailed off and turned 
away from him completely.  Clark reached around and turned 
her slowly back toward him.  Hurting her was the last thing 
in the world that he'd ever wanted to do and yet --
        "Marie ... if Lois wasn't --"
        "But she is, Clark.  She is."  Marie wiped her eyes 
with the tips of her fingers and took his hand in hers.
        "I know."  His voice was almost a whisper.  "I just -- 
I don't want to hurt you anymore.  It isn't fair to you."
        " -- and it isn't fair to you, either.  I've known you 
for a while now, Clark.  Long enough to know that you are 
the most sensitive and caring man I have ever met.  I know 
that I was falling in love with you ... " She blushed 
slightly, but continued on, boldly.  " ... but I'm not 
blind, and I've known from the beginning that there was 
always someone else.  When I saw your loft, all those 
pictures everywhere ... I knew."
        "You knew?"  Clark laughed slightly, despite himself.  
"Well, that makes one of us."  Clark's rueful tone saddened 
Marie even as it made her smile at its sweet charm.  It was 
always that boyish naivete which contrasted so sharply with 
a keen and wise intellect beyond his years that had 
attracted her to him from the very beginning.
        "Well, that,"  Marie began, "and the fact that you 
never seemed ready to make love."  She colored slightly at 
the admission.
        "Marie ... that was *not* because I didn't find you 
attractive.  I did.  I mean I *do*.  But it's just that-- "  
Clark fumbled for the right words and knew he was failing 
miserably.  How do you tell a woman you care about that 
you've never wanted her intimately because you don't think 
you *could* ever want any other woman except one.  Lois held 
captive his soul just as surely as she did the desires of 
his body, and she never even had to try.
        "She does love you, Clark."  Marie cut in softly, 
lessening the tension, letting him know without so many 
words that she understood.  "Any woman can see that in 
another woman's eyes.  And Lois Lane has got it just as 
badly as you do."  She forced a smile and Clark regarded her 
with an expression of desperation and frustration.  He 
wanted to know how she knew, he wanted to ask her, but he 
knew that asking would probably only hurt her further.  
Unforgivable.
        "Marie ... "
        "We had quite a trip though, didn't we?"  She laughed 
through her tears and Clark stopped talking and squeezed her 
hand instead.  "No regrets?"
        "Not one."  He smiled at her and brought her toward 
him for a long, deep hug.  She clung to him tightly for a 
time, and then let go, surveying his rumpled shirt and half-
hanging tie.
        "Lois Lane is a lucky woman."
        Clark frowned slightly.  "I don't know if Lois and I 
can ever go back to the way things were, Marie.  I hurt her 
so badly.  I know that now.  It's all just so complicated."  
Clark sighed sadly, shaking his head.  "But I do know that I 
can't keep doing this to us, to me and you.  I never wanted 
to hurt you."  There was an uncomfortable pause before Clark 
continued.  "It would probably be better for everyone if I 
stopped trying to do this whole 'love' thing altogether."  
His lip twisted up into a half-smile, and he absently rubbed 
the back of his neck.
        Marie suddenly looked serious and took both of his 
hands in hers. "Clark, promise me one thing?"
        He nodded, uncertain.
        "Stop running."  Clark looked up in surprise at her 
words.
        "There's only so far you can go before you realize 
you're on your way back to where you came from.  Life's like 
that.  And I don't want to see you hurt."  She squeezed his 
hands briefly.  He shook his head.
        "Marie, I don't know if I deserve- "
        "You deserve to be truthful with yourself, Clark.  Be 
honest here." She tapped his chest affectionately.  "You 
can't live with yourself -- even alone -- if you're not.  
Trust me, I've been there."  She pulled his tie the rest of 
the way off and tossed it onto the bed as she stood.
        "I better go.  I've got airplane reservations to 
make."  She smiled and Clark stood.
        "You just got here --"  He offered her her coat and 
she took it.
        "I know, but I guess I came to say goodbye ... or to 
let you say it.  I guess I was hoping that I'd get here and 
everything would be magical between us, but I think inside I 
knew that I'd already lost you.  That's why I had to come 
early, while I could still stop my transfer.  I was jealous 
of a woman I'd never even met, and my instincts are usually 
good."  She gave him a little smile, then broadened it into 
a grin.  "But tell Lois not to worry; I swear I'm not the 
violent type."
        Clark returned her smile.  "I know you're not."  He 
kissed her cheek.  "You're wonderful."
        Taking hold of the door handle, she slid it open and 
then turned back into the room.  "Good luck,"  she 
announced, shoving one hand into her pocket.  "Being back 
here in the US reminds me of why I hate it!"
        Clark smiled back and nodded.  "Take care of yourself, 
Marie."
        "I will."  She inclined her head, touched her fingers 
to her lips, then held them out toward him.  "Bon soir, mon 
cher."
        And then she was gone.  The door clicked shut and 
Clark was left standing there, staring at the blank reminder 
of her presence and wondering if his life could possibly 
become any more complicated than it had already.

***

        "Absolutely!"  Lois' excited tone turned several heads 
in the work area outside of her own large office enclosure, 
and she put her hands to her smiling lips.  "Okay,"  she 
whispered several decibels lower, "will the D.A. be able to 
get him to testify?"
        Judi shook her head until it became almost a circular 
motion, shrugging her shoulders.
        "I'll take that as a definite maybe."  Lois grinned 
and then put both hands on her hips, adding, "You know, I 
never told you how great it is that they let me have you 
back as an assistant, Jud.  You've been indispensable to me.  
I didn't know what I was going to do when Jimmy took off in 
search of his career."  She rolled her eyes dramatically and 
both women laughed.  "But, I guess I can't blame him; I used 
to know that same excitement about being a reporter."  Lois' 
expression suddenly took on a far-off look and Judi raised 
her eyebrows.
        "Excuse me?  Am I talking to *the* Lois 'reporter 
extra-ordinaire, get out of my way or I'll step right on 
over you, nobody gets there first' Lane?"  The older woman 
tapped her on the shoulder and Lois dissolved into a fit of 
helpless laughter, sinking down to the floor against an 
expensive mahogany desk, just one of the few perks her new 
position had allotted her. She pulled her knees up to her 
chest like a little girl and laughed while Judi stood watch 
over her, frowning in odd contrast to the giggling woman 
beneath her.
        "Lois,"  Judi's voice was soft as she spoke to the 
younger woman.  "I worry about you sometimes, honey.  You're 
so strong and independent.  You against the world-"
        "That's right!"  Lois continued to laugh softly.  "Me 
against- "  she suddenly broke off her sentence and sighed.
        "That's what I mean.  Are you sure you're okay?  I've 
worked with you long enough to know that when you get --"  
Judi was unable to finish her sentence however since Lois 
began to laugh once more, dissolving into helpless giggles.
        "I'm *fine*, Judi, I swear, I'm- "  As suddenly as her 
laughing had begun, Lois' eyes filled with tears and she was 
crying, placing one hand to her lips as though she herself 
were shocked at the intense turnaround of emotions.  She 
sucked in a breath and gave up trying to fight any of it.  
Judi moved quickly and quietly to the large office doorway 
and shut it.  She turned around, seeing tears making shiny 
trails down Lois' cheeks.
        Lois looked up at the older woman, her eyes large and 
shimmery.  Her voice broke as she spoke softly.
        "I don't know ... I don't know what to ... "  Lois 
trailed off as Judi came around the desk and plucked several 
tissues off a box on top of it.  She moved beside Lois and 
sat herself down next to the reporter, head of the 
Investigative Division at Planet News Network.  She took a 
little girl into her arms and rocked with her back and 
forth, listening to the soft sounds of her crying and 
feeling for the first time in such a long time, that she 
truly had a daughter.  She never believed she would ever 
know that joy.
        "Shh, it's all right, Sweetie.  You're all right.  
You're going to be just fine."  She whispered soothingly, 
and Lois sucked in yet another strangled sob.  Several 
moments later, Lois brought the end of an offered tissue up 
to her eyes and dabbed at them carefully.  She took a deep 
breath and hugged Judi before pulling away.
        "Thank you."  She smiled at the older woman who 
nodded, giving her a concerned, caring look.
        "You wanna talk about it?"  Lois glanced at Judi once 
and then smiled a shy-smile.  She lowering her head and let 
out a short breath.  Judi recognized the sign immediately.  
It was a "no."  This time.  She pulled herself up against 
the desk until she was standing once again and then watched 
Lois do the same thing.
        "All right, I won't pry."  Judi smiled and Lois 
returned the favor.
        "You never do.  You're a wonderful person."  The young 
executive turned and stared out of a large floor-to-ceiling 
office window -- a signature PNN window.  Every major office 
had these.  She cleared her throat.  "It really is a 
beautiful view, you know?"  She turned around once more but 
Judi was gone.  Lois could see her filing papers just 
outside her office door, at her own desk.  She shook her 
head and sat down in the large executive chair, squeezing 
its arms with a perplexed frown.
        Lois looked around.  The office really was large.  Two 
of her Kerth awards sat in an elaborate display case along 
with several other precious items of her possession which 
she had opted to keep at work instead of home.  Artwork she 
didn't own, but might have liked to, hung from each of the 
office's four walls and gave the room a sort of somber 
wisdom she doubted was contagious.  A soft knock on her door 
startled her and she looked up, uttering the word "Yes,"  
out of habit at the same time.
        "Lois, are you busy?"
        ****CLARK**** Lois couldn't believe how relieved and 
happy she was to see him standing there.  He had been the 
object of the most confusing, conflicted feelings she had 
had in over two years.  She was angrier at him than she 
thought she had ever been in her entire *life*, and yet, the 
sight of him standing there, in her doorway, with his 
perfect suit and his slightly off-key tie caused a rush of 
warmth and a feeling of inexplicable contentment to flow 
over her traitorous body even so.
        "No, no, I am not busy."  She glanced once again 
around the strange room surrounding her.  "Actually, I have 
no idea *what* I am right now, but busy -- busy isn't it."
        Clark smiled his patented 'nervous' smile.  Lois felt 
a pang of remorse for him.  She quelled it immediately and 
began to gather paper absently from around her desk.  "So, 
how do you like your new office?"  she chimed in 
conversationally and Clark stepped inside, putting his hands 
in his pockets and looking around.
        "Actually, I like yours better."
        Lois almost choked.  "What?"  She looked up quickly 
and Clark tensed at her response, gesturing quickly toward a 
window.  "Western exposure."  He replied as casually as he 
could -- which wasn't very.  "I got the northeast corner.  
I'll bet you can see the sun setting from here."
        "Oh, yes.  I hadn't thought about it, actually."  Lois 
turned and glanced outside of her west window.  "But 
otherwise?"  Okay so she was making conversation.  It wasn't 
that bad.  It wasn't as though she had flown from her chair 
on the moment of his entry, launched herself into his arms 
and kissed him hungrily, the way that she'd wanted to.
        Breathe, Lane.
        " -- beautiful."  Lois caught the tail end of Clark's 
remark and shook her head, indicating that she'd failed to 
catch the beginning of it. "I said otherwise it's really 
beautiful."  He was looking straight at her. "Actually, I 
did come here for a reason,"  Clark added quietly.  Lois 
found her eyes inescapably drawn to his.
        "Yes?"  she almost whispered.  Clark opened his mouth 
to speak again but never got the chance.
        "Hey, gorgeous -- "  Another man's voice preceded 
another man's body as his head tipped around the corner of 
her office and brought with it the entire man, carrying 
flowers.  He stopped mid-stride, however, when he caught 
Lois' gaze shift up toward him in surprise and noticed her 
company.
        "Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't know you had ... "  He 
floundered a moment before regaining his composure.  He 
stuck out his hand and grinned suddenly.  "Where are my 
manners?  David Morris."
        Clark took the offered hand and shook it firmly and 
courteously.  "Clark Kent."  David didn't flinch.  In fact, 
he smiled as warmly as any business man meeting another for 
the first time might.  Clark tossed a questioning look 
toward Lois, which she noticed, but failed to respond to.  
Either that, or she simply decided not to.
        Lois folded her hands on her desk and tried to pretend 
her insides weren't doing the shimmy shake with an armada of 
butterflies.  "Clark,"  her voice cut in, "David is a 
producer for PNN.  David, Clark Kent is my new partner for 
the investigative division."  She smiled congenially at both 
men and David nodded, grinning.
        "Well, actually, 'new' isn't -- "  Clark began.
        "Are you here for our lunch date?"  Lois cut in, 
shooting Clark a dark stare and then quickly turning her 
attention back to David, who didn't seem to have noticed the 
exchange.
        "Yeah, yes, I am.  Sorry to have barged in like that.  
I had no idea you were in a meeting and Judi wasn't at her 
desk, so I just -- well, I can come back later, if you'd 
like."  David glanced at both Clark, who tried valiantly to 
keep the fixed smile he'd created glued to his face, and 
Lois, who suddenly stood up.
        "No, actually, I think we were through here.  Right, 
Clark?"  She smiled a 'friendly' smile at Clark, who nodded 
slowly, a sinking feeling swelling in the pit of his 
stomach.
        "Yeah.  We can get back to ... this, later."  He 
returned the fake smile and Lois looked away, linking her 
arm in David's as he escorted her through the door, leaving 
Clark by himself in the large office.

***

        David sat across from Lois at the small table they'd 
reserved for lunch.  Max's wasn't an incredibly expensive 
place to eat, but it was quiet, intimate and usually one of 
Lois' favorites.  Today, however, she stared at her pastrami 
sandwich and poked at her french fries with her fork.
        "Lois, is something bothering you?"  David's voice 
intruded on her thoughts and Lois looked up.
        "David, there's something I haven't told you about 
Clark."  She fixed him with a serious gaze, but David 
smiled.
        "Lois, I know I should let you speak first here, but I 
just have some really exciting news and I wanted you to be 
the first to know."
        Lois stopped mid-sentence and nodded.  "What is it?"
        "I got the job in California.  They want me to take 
over!  It'll be my production, Lois, executive producer.  Do 
you have any idea how great that will look on my resume?  
And the pay ... Lois, they told me they could use several 
more producers down there.  I mentioned that you might be 
interested, and they were very excited!"
        "You what?"  Lois' dumbfounded look took David by 
surprise and he reached across the table, taking both of her 
hands in his.
        "Lois, I didn't sign your name on any dotted lines, 
but think of the potential.  We could -- we could move there 
together.  I have a great little place lined up already, and 
Lois ... "  David suddenly reached into his pocket and 
extracted a small, velvet box.
        "Will you marry me?"
        Lois stared in shock across the table.  "David,"  she 
whispered, glancing at the beautiful engagement ring.  She 
afforded her own bare finger a glance and sighed, 
remembering a time when Clark's ring had been there and she 
had been the happiest woman in the world.  That was a long 
time ago.
        "David, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."  
She placed her hand on top of the ring box and looked up.  
"You know that my husband and I are legally separated."
        David nodded, smiling.  "Yes, I know that you haven't 
signed the divorce papers yet, but that doesn't matter to 
me, Lois.  We can still be together while you are pushing 
that through.  I know how determined you can be when you 
want something.  We can get that cleared up quickly.  I 
promise I'll make you happy.  I love you."
        Lois swallowed.  Engagement?  David was right; she and 
Clark hadn't signed the divorce papers.  Actually, Clark 
probably didn't even know that there even were divorce 
papers.  She'd had them drawn up almost six months ago, and 
then put them away the very same night, unable to sign even 
her own portions.  She'd cried a lot that night.
        David continued.  "Lois, when I first moved to 
Metropolis a year ago, I never dreamed that I'd be meeting 
the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  I was 
a small-time producer with huge dreams ... and there you 
were.  It was the most incredible thing.  So much has 
happened since then, in *both* our lives.  The past doesn't 
matter to me -- "
        "I-I never told you what his name was."  Lois cut him 
off quickly.  David looked perplexed.
        "His name?  It never came up.  I don't need to know, 
Lois."  He took her hands in his and squeezed them gently.  
She frowned.
        "Yes, yes, it does matter.  Especially now."
        "Lois, I love you.  That's all that matters.  Say that 
you'll marry me."  David's voice was the epitome of sincere 
and it made Lois' heart reach out to him.  He'd tried to be 
there for her, but ultimately, there was only one man she 
could ever truly be with and be happy.
        "Clark Kent."  She froze after she'd said the words 
and watched his face.  He stared back for a moment.
        "The man ... the man I met in your office today?  Your 
new partner, he's-"
        "My husband,"  Lois finished for him.
        "Ex-husband,"  David corrected.
        "Well, the papers -- not quite,"  Lois whispered 
quietly.
        "So that's why--"  David trailed off and Lois looked 
up at him.
        "Why what?"  she asked.
        "You were looking at him when I came into your office; 
you were looking at him the way I've always wished you'd 
look at me."  He gazed across the table at her and she 
lowered her eyes but said nothing.  Finally David broke the 
silence.
        "Lois, I *love* you.  Will you come with me to Los 
Angeles?  No conditions, no looking back, please?"
        Lois looked up at him and met his pleading gaze 
levelly.  "I-I care for you, David.  I think that maybe, in 
time, I might have even- "
        "So, you won't."  He spoke softly, cutting her off.  
"Because he's back."
        "I can't."  She admitted.  "And it's more complicated 
than that, David."
        "I see."  He closed the velvet box in his hand slowly.  
There was silence between them for a time.  "I have to go on 
this trip."  He sighed.
        "I know.  David, I'm sorry."  She tipped her head and 
patted his hand on the table.  "I wish things could have 
been different ... "
        "Do you love him?  Are you still in love with him?  
Lois, just tell me that, please."  He swallowed and Lois 
looked up, beyond him for a moment before meeting his gaze 
once more.
        "Oh, David.  It's so hard for me to explain this.  And 
I don't want to hurt you."  She smiled ruefully and David 
whispered.
        "So, just say it.  I'll be okay."
        "It's -- it's like he's a part of me.  He's part of my 
soul, and no matter how I feel about him ... or you, or 
anyone else, it's always going to be that way.  I don't even 
understand it myself.  Sometimes, I-"
        "I understand."  David stopped her with his voice and 
the touch of his hand on hers.  "I think I know what that 
might feel like."  Lois nodded and swallowed back the tears 
she knew were already shimmering in her eyes.
        "I hate him for hurting you,"  David said finally.  
"I'm sorry that I had to say that, but I do.  And at the 
same time, after meeting him, it's hard for me to hate him 
at all."  David shook his head in confusion, and Lois 
laughed through her tears.
        "Oooooh, David, you have *no* idea!"  She smiled and 
then took his hand in hers.  There was silence for a time.  
"When are you leaving?"
        "Well,"  David began, letting out a long breath.  
"Circumstances being what they are, probably tonight."  She 
nodded.
        "I'll miss you."  Lois swallowed and David let out a 
the low first note of a laugh that wasn't quite.
        "You know what they say about that one great love that 
changes us, Lois."  David stood from his seat and moved 
around to her side of the table, kissing her tenderly before 
hooking his jacket in his fingers and slinging it over his 
shoulder.  Lois looked up at him in surprise.
        "No, what do they say?"  She questioned, but David 
shook his head.
        "It also finds us wherever we are,"  he finished.
        "Goodbye, David."  She smiled at him and every trace 
of teardrops seemed to vanish from her face.  "I know you'll 
be successful at whatever you do."
        "Tell Kent I said he better take good care of you!"  
David called out to her as he turned to walk proudly out of 
the restaurant.  He hailed a cab and Lois watched him get 
inside as the door to Max's finally swung shut.
        "I don't think so, David,"  she whispered.  "Not this 
time."  Lois drank the last of her water and then dropped a 
bill onto the table, gathering her purse into her arms and 
hurrying through outside through the same door.

***

        Clark leaned against the wall of his office and shut 
his eyes.  **Lois** His mind called out to something he knew 
he couldn't reach right now.  She wasn't here, and even if 
she was ... he'd broken her heart.  He could never reconcile 
that, and he doubted she would ever be able to either.
        And then there was David.  What was working with Lois 
going to be like with David in the picture?  Would he be 
able to keep his feelings hidden from her all over again?  
To keep from touching her when he ached to?  It was going to 
be more difficult than he had ever imagined and Clark found 
himself insanely wondering if he'd done the right thing in 
letting Marie go.  He shook his head violently to clear it.  
NO.  Even if Lois was involved with someone else, even if 
she never came back to him, he knew that his being with 
Marie could never work.  He was, and always would be, 
completely in love with Lois, and no other woman could ever 
take her place in his heart.  Not in any lifetime.
        If it made Lois happy, then he could go back to being 
simply friends.  He'd learned in Paris, all those miles away 
from her in quiet agony, that no matter what the price, 
Lois' wellbeing and happiness were far more important than 
his own.  It would hurt a lot at first, but he would do it 
for her.  The absolute certainty of that fact struck him so 
completely that he felt his body hold back a sob of despair.  
He needed her so desperately and now he'd lost her forever.

***

        Lois walked quickly down the hallway toward her 
office, purse in hand.  She stopped several paces from 
Clark's open office doorway.  She watched him leaning up 
against the wall.  She watched him run his hands through his 
hair and shut his eyes.  She watched him as he sank slowly 
down to the ground until he sat, oblivious to anyone and 
anything except for his own tortured thoughts.  Turning, she 
hurried toward her own office door, and ducked inside, 
shutting it quickly behind her.
        She spent the rest of the day attempting to finish up 
the stacks of new and impending paperwork which both she and 
Clark had been handed.  It was a near impossible task.  
Thoughts of David flooded her mind alongside images of Clark 
sinking to the floor against the wall of his office.
        She doubted anyone else had seen him.  The building 
was enormous and there was only a skeleton staff on their 
level.  Just the executives and their assistants.  Of 
course, Clark had yet to find himself an assistant.  That 
was so like Clark, to leave something like that until last.  
But it did afford him a large degree of privacy in his 
office.
        Lois shut her eyes against the heart-wrenching image 
of Clark in his office once again.  This was impossible.  
*Concentrating* was impossible.  David had asked her to 
marry him!  And she refused.  She refused?  Of course, she 
refused.  She was still in love with Clark.  She would 
always love him.  Big, dumb, stubborn ox that he was.  He 
was also the nicest, kindest, most wonderful man in the 
world.  He was just ... Clark.  Lois broke the end of her 
pencil off against her desk and cursed under her breath.
        All this paperwork.  If it weren't for her overactive 
imagination, Lois knew that she had probably never been more 
bored in her entire life.  Luckily, she thought, this would 
be a pretty rare thing.  Perry had promised that he would 
delegate extra assistants to handle the bulk of the paper-
load so Lois could concentrate on being something more akin 
to a reporter again.  Management made money, Lois had to 
admit, but more than a few times she caught herself longing 
for the old days, when all she had to worry about was the 
next story or the validity of a source.
        She picked up a new pencil and chewed on the end of it 
for a moment in thought.  The quiet chime of an elegant 
clock on her wall sounded off seven times and Lois looked 
up.  Where had the time gone?  She sighed and dropped her 
pencil, noticing the red-orange hue of the paper on her desk 
for the first time.  The sunset.  She spun her chair around 
and was accosted full force with the most beautiful sunset 
she'd seen in years.  From her vantage point, high up in 
PNN's main building, she watched the shimmering fireball 
descend into the water-filled horizon, reflecting off the 
polished surfaces of the building all around her.  It was 
stunning.
        There was a soft knock at her door.  "Come in,"  Lois 
called back, absently.  Clark took two steps inside the 
office and closed the door softly behind him.
        "Hi, Clark."  Her voice was soft from her chair, but 
she hadn't turned to face him, or even verified that it was 
really him.  Clark swallowed his perplexed expression and 
moved to stand behind Lois' large chair.
        "It really is beautiful, isn't it?"  He placed his 
hands on the back of the chair and Lois nodded, still not 
looking back.
        "Yes -- it -- is,"  Lois punctuated softly, tipping 
her head up so that she could see him, finally.  Clark 
resisted the urge to bend down and take her lips in a soft 
kiss, the way he used to, the way he still wanted to.  She 
smiled suddenly, obviously reading something in his 
expression.
        "No, Kent, that would definitely *not* be a good 
idea."
        "I'm sorry?"  Clark feigned innocence and Lois smiled 
enigmatically.
        "I've seen that look in your eyes before.  I know it 
very, very, *very* well."  She shook her head and Clark had 
the decency to look embarrassed.
        "I'm sorry,"  he murmured.  "Did you finish your 
paperwork?"
        "Yeah."  Lois looked almost triumphant.  "Just did.  
You?"  She glanced up at him.  "I mean now that you can't 
just ~-> ... "  She waved her hands in front of her and 
smiled.
        "Yes, I did."  Clark couldn't resist smiling back.  "I 
think we're the last people alive here tonight, except for 
post-production downstairs."
        Lois nodded thoughtfully, then turned her attention 
back to the sunset.  Clark followed her gaze.
        "You drive here today?"  he asked out of nowhere.
        "Cab."  Lois tapped her pencil between her fingers.  
"They're renovating my parking space."
        Clark grinned.  "Well, I drove, so if you'd like a 
ride-"
        Lois spun around in her chair so suddenly that she 
found herself face to face with Clark's lower abdomen.  Her 
nose brushed against him and she backed up self-consciously.  
"YOU have a car?"
        Clark laughed.  "Yeah, I have a car.  This is 
newsworthy?"
        Lois chuckled and stood up until she was face to face 
with him.  Clark noted that there were only inches 
separating their faces but Lois was bold and defiant as 
always.  "I think so!  Clark, when did you get a car?" she 
began, taping his shoulder accusingly, "You used to tell me 
you would *never* ... wait a minute, I have a better 
question.  What kind of car is it?"  Lois looked positively 
playful and Clark couldn't help but grin in response.
        "I don't see what that has to do with whether or not 
you'd like a ride home, Ms. Lane."
        "Ohh, it has *everything* to do with it, Kent."  She 
reached into a drawer and grabbed her purse.  "What kind is 
it?"
        Clark watched her, an amused grin spreading across his 
face.  "Well, if I'm driving you home, I guess you'll find 
out."
        Lois laughed out loud.  "You're a sneaky one, Clark.  
Okay.  My coat is on the rack behind the door."  Clark moved 
to the other side of the office and picked up the small car 
coat which hung there.  He held it open for her and she 
slipped inside.
        "Thanks."  She turned, smiling, and Clark could have 
lost himself in her eyes.  He reached up slowly and Lois 
held her breath.
        **He's going to touch me** She waited ... the moments 
seemed like forever until Clark's hand brushed against the 
hair near her ear.  She shivered involuntarily.  Clark 
shifted his hand and slipped a forgotten pencil out from 
behind one ear.  Lois swallowed, unable to believe that 
something so small could be so ...
        "You always forget."  He curled her hair around her 
ear the way she liked it, smoothing the temporary mess he'd 
made and smiled in satisfaction when he'd completed the 
task.  "There.  Perfect."
        Lois swallowed and Clark held an arm out toward her.  
"Shall we?"  She nodded, a silly expression crossing her 
face as she linked her arm with his.  As they made their way 
through the doorway to her office, Lois said something that 
Clark would never have believed she would.  Leaning into him 
very slightly, she bumped him with her hip.