This was conceived and written on impulse over a 24 hour 
period. Due to the fact that three-quarters of it was written in a 
Latin lecture, look forward to the Latin translation soon. (Just 
kidding.) 

This is dedicated to the "Can Lois & Clark have children?" 
thread on LOISCLA and those who have contributed to it.

Finally, apologies if you don't like or agree with the few 
liberties I took. It's been a long while since I saw the episode in 
question, so I embroidered the "facts" a bit to fill in the gaps in 
my memory and it's just a piece of fun anyway.

X AND Y EQUALS???by Leanne Richard   
<volterra@sd.znet.com>

	Lois's eyes flew open.
	It took her but a moment to realise what had woken 
her. The pains came again. She grunted, one hand clutching her 
swollen belly, the other to thump her sleeping partner. "Clark!"
	A few more poundings and Clark finally awoke. 
"Wha--?"
	"Clark ..." Her lower lip trembled as she spoke. "Clark, 
it's time. The baby's coming!"
	Clark was up out of their bed like a shot, fetching Lois' 
overnight suitcase from the closet. He turned back to find Lois 
sitting up in bed, her legs apart and breathing heavily.
	"My water's broken!" Lois raised her wide brown eyes, 
full of unshed tears and fear. "The baby's coming NOW, Clark!" 
She moaned as another contraction overwhelmed her. "It 
shouldn't be happening like this!"
	"I'll fly you," Clark offered, making to scoop her up.
	Lois gripped the bedclothes firmly. "No time! I can feel 
the head coming out!"
	Clark wasted no time in argument, but proceeded to 
make Lois comfortable, piling the pillows up behind her back 
and head to support her, and pulling off the bedclothes to assess 
the situation. He had helped in giving birth before. But this was 
Lois and their firstborn and he was far more nervous than he had 
been on previous occasions.
	The head had indeed crowned and Clark looked up, 
slightly startled, at Lois, who noticed immediately.
	"What is it? What's wrong?"
	"Nothing, nothing," he said hurriedly, smiling rather 
unconvincingly. "It's just that you're right. One more push, 
Lois."
	"I've hardly pushed once!" Her voice held a note of 
amazement as she screwed up her face and bore down hard. She 
felt the baby slide free and looked up at Clark, gasping and 
triumphant. Then she noticed Clark's expression.
	"Clark?"
	Gingerly, Clark held up their child: a tiny, wet, pastel 
green ball of fluff that barely fitted into the palm of his hand.
	"Clark!" Lois' wail could be heard halfway across 
Metropolis.
	He moved up the bed to lie beside her, placing the ball 
of fluff onto her still swollen belly, and taking her into his arms. 
"Lois, I wanted normal kids as much as you do -- but we never 
knew how our child would turn out -- " Clark looked down, 
guiltily, "-- because I'm an alien."
	The tiny fluffy ball wriggled a little, as if to shake 
itself free of the birth fluids.
	"But Clark -- it's just a ball of fluff! A cat could spit up 
better!" A gasp punctuated her last word and she squeezed 
Clark's arm tightly.
	"What is it?"
	"The pains! They've started again!"
	In quick succession, Lois gave birth to a small litter of 
eight wet, furry balls, all of whom became fluffy as they dried. 
All were pastel colours of green, orange, blue and pink. Clark 
fetched a basket, lined it with towels and gently placed the 
newborns within.
	Lois, although she was trying to be brave, was in tears. 
She nestled in Clark's arms, Clark smoothing back her hair as 
they watched the babies jostle each other.
	After a few moments, Clark asked: "What's that noise 
they're making?"
	Lois listened intently and then reached to pick one up, 
which started them all squeaking loudly. "It sounds like ... 
tribble."
	The tiny ball, this one a delicate shade of pale pink, 
snuggled into her cupped hands, cooing its tribbles and Lois' 
cautious expressions slowly became one of delight.
	"She's adorable," Lois sighed. Wryly, she added, "I still 
can't believe I gave birth to it -- but she's kinda cute." She 
cradled the ball close to her.
	"How do you know it's a she?"
	Lois directed a disgusted look at her husband. "It's 
*pink*, Clark. Of course it's a she."
	There was no counter argument to that. Eventually, all 
eight of their children were cradled in Lois' arms, Clark petting 
them lightly with a couple of fingers. Both of the new parents 
were delighted in their progeny, Lois giggling when a tribble's 
(for so they were swiftly named) fur brushed against her bare 
skin.
	She looked up at Clark, whose face was as full of 
wonder as her own. "Oh Clark," she said, with a happy sigh. "I 
love you."
	"I love you too, Lois." He bent forward and they 
kissed.
	Suddenly, Clark cried out in pain, pushing himself 
away from Lois, his hands going to his neck and chest where 
eight furious balls of fluff had fastened their sharp little teeth.
	"Clark!" exclaimed Lois, horrified and between the two 
of them, they pried the Tribbles from Clark, the tiny balls once 
more nestling peacefully against Lois' side, Lois being loath to 
cradle them again after their vicious attack.
	Both Lois and Clark were trembling. Wincing, Clark 
patted at the tiny gashes on his neck, and feeling stickiness 
pulled his hand away. "I'm ... I'm bleeding."
	"Not a paper cut this time," Lois said, solemn.
	"They're a protective bunch alright," Clark said ruefully, 
plucking at the holes in his T-shirt and eyeing the Tribbles warily.
	"But you're their father!"
	"Yes, I am ... and Lois," Clark seemed a little reticent 
in continuing, "what's going to happen when they get older and 
bigger?" The two of them visualised large Tribbles attacking 
anyone who even looked at their mother.
	"Clark," Lois said, wresting her mind from the 
imaginary horrors it concocted, "your parents brought you up 
even though you are different."
	"Lois, that's just not the same. I didn't try to kill my 
Pop."
	"What are we going to do?" Lois asked, helplessly.
	"We're going to have to face up to the fact that we 
daren't have children. These -- Tribbles -- are going to become a 
menace to society."
	It was true, the Tribbles were not only a danger to 
Clark, but to others. They may have been the young couple's 
own flesh and blood, but the situation was untenable, 
particularly when Clark did a recount and discovered twelve 
instead of eight Tribbles. Their reproductive speed alone could 
make them the new Scourge of the Earth, and neither Lois or 
Clark wanted to go down in the history as being the founders of 
such a horrible destiny.
	And so, tearfully, Lois packed the Tribbles into a 
canister, kissing each one farewell. She handed the canister to 
Clark.
	"I'll be right back." Clark kissed her on the forehead, 
ignoring the angry cries of the trapped Tribbles. He flew out the 
window and up, up, up into space. Lois cried.

*******

	Lois' eyes flew open.
	It took her but a moment to realise what had woken 
her. The pains came again ....

The End?

(xandy.txt)