Hickory Mxyery Dock
An IRC Round Robin
by Sharper <sharper@cncc.cc.co.us>; SUPERcat (SUPERfan & CiceroCat)
<carncris@mail.jax.bellsouth.net>; zoomway <zoomway@aol.com>;
chrispat <cp13607@aol.com>; Eraygun <Eraygun@aol.com>;
Lansbury <Lansbury1@aol.com>; Misha <mhall@sound.net>;
ChiefPam <jernigan@compuserve.com>; ChrisM <mulders@mindspring.com>
and Mackteach <Mackteach@aol.com>
Rated PG
Submitted October 1998

[sharper]
Somewhere above the smog of Metropolis, a spot appeared. It opened
rapidly into something resembling a vortex. A small, determined
figure shot through the opening, which closed behind him with a
"pop!" and a burst of golden sparkles.

The being brushed his hands against each other, indicating a
difficult job well done, and turned his face toward Metropolis.
"This should be fun."

                    *         *         *

Hammering on the front door and the ragged buzz of someone leaning
on the doorbell yanked Lois Lane unceremoniously from a comfortable
sleep. "Get that, Clark," she mumbled, burying her face in her
pillow and reaching out to shake him awake.

Her hand fell on a cold sheet, and that, more than the noise of
whoever was trying to break into their townhouse, brought her wide
awake. "Wha--?"

She looked around and, seeing her errant husband floating three
feet above the bed, she sighed. Superman must have had a tough
night to have left Clark so exhausted that he sleep-floated.

Downstairs, the cacophony continued, and she reluctantly reached
for her robe, muttering, "Keep your shorts on," and pausing to
brush a kiss across Clark's cheek.

She was halfway down the stairs when she heard Perry's gravelly
roar. "Lois! Clark! Someone answer this damned door!" That was more
than a 'I've got a story I want you to work on and your interview
is in 10 minutes' voice.

She hurried to the door and, struggling with the locks, finally
threw it open. "Perry! What brings you here?"

He held out a copy of the Metropolis Star, the 300 point headline
screaming, "CLARK KENT IS SUPERMAN!"

[SUPERcat]
Lois grabbed the paper and ran upstairs, leaving an open door and
an open-mouthed editor behind.

"Clark!!! CLARK! Wake up!"

Perry, not one to miss the action, ran behind her. They entered the
room about the same time.

"What? Perry? Lois, what's going on?" mumbled Clark as he reached
for his glasses.

"Great shades of Elvis! It's true!!!" yelled Perry upon seeing the
floating Clark.

Plop. Clark fell back to earth and the solidness of the bed beneath
him.

Lois held out the newspaper and saw Clark grimace. "Who do they
think they are, printing lies like this? Metropolis Star? That's
birdcage lining, not news!"

"But, Lois..." Perry stuttered. "He was... floating!!! Honey, the
jig is up. I knew you had a crush on Superman, but cheating on
Clark??" Perry looked at her angrily. "Where's Clark? You two need
to go prove this trash wrong!"

Only then did Lois realize that Clark had never changed out of his
suit after the night's escapades.

"Mr. White, Lois just let me borrow her bed for the night. I was...
sick, and she took care of me," Clark/Superman said, trying not
to blush.

"That's right, Perry. I've been up all night making chicken soup
and oolong tea."

"Is that right?" Perry asked. "So, if you've been up with Superman,
where's Clark?"

[zoomway]
At that moment, the Kents' radio alarm blared. "...you heard me
right. Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet, is Superman! It's
kind of funny..." the deejay laughed, "...the Planet is the only
news source in the world that didn't report the big story--"

Lois fumbled for the snooze bar.

In the sudden silence Lois, Perry and Clark shared glances for an
agonizing moment. "It's one thing to want to keep a secret, Kent.
I can understand that," Perry said, tossing the Star on the bed.
"But icing the Planet, your own paper, out of the exclusive --
well..." Perry shook his head and exited.

Clark picked up the paper. "I can't believe it," he whispered.
"Everything is accurate to the smallest detail. How could that
be possible?"

"Clark, only you and I could tell this story..." Lois paused a
moment. "Did you come in contact with red Kryptonite and go on a...
well, a blabbing spree?"

"What? No! I was in Australia fighting a fire."

Lois shrugged. "Well then, someone can read minds, because if you
didn't tell, and I didn't, then who--"

The radio alarm snooze limit ended. "If I could turn back time..."
began to play.

Not meaning to, Clark smashed the alarm.

"Temper, temper!" a familiar voice spoke.

"Misslekick!" Lois practically spit out the name.

The imp frowned. "That's *Mister* Missleki-- Mxyzptlk!"

Clark made an angry grab for him. "You did this!" he shouted, but
was left holding a baby pig.

"Nice try, Supeydupey!" the voice said, and vanished.

"Oh, God, Clark," Lois said, trying to be heard over the piglet's
squealing, "I thought we got rid of him."

"We did," Clark sighed. "But it seems we didn't get rid of him
permanently."

Lois touched Clark's shoulder. "The world *knows*, Clark! How do
we undo this?"

Clark shook his head. "I don't know, honey, but if it's like the
time before, everything goes back to normal if we can send him
back," Clark said, and raised his eyebrows. "The pig!"

"It's bigger -- and changed colors!"

"Actually, it changed from a Berkshire to a Poland China."

"Thank you for the farm report." Lois sighed loudly. "What are we
going to do to get rid of him--" Lois glanced at the pig. "I mean
get rid of Mixenmatch? Do we try to make him say his name backward
again?"

"I hope not. He'll be looking for that trick, and it won't be
nearly as easy this time," he said, and the pig changed again.
Clark looked up at Lois. "Now it's a Yorkshire."

"Oh, God, this is out of control!" Lois put a hand to her forehead,
trying to think. "I guess I should just be happy it's not a horse
or a cow."

"Don't give him any ideas, honey," Clark whispered.

"Okay," Lois said, her tone indicating she'd reached a decision.
"You pull up all the research I did on imps when he visited last
Christmas, and I'll fix some eggs and..." She glanced at the
pig. "...bacon," she whispered. "We've got to find a more
permanent solution to the imp this time."

The pig squealed again and Clark smiled. "My mom always wanted one
of these pot-bellied pigs."

"Clark."

"Sorry." He grinned and scratched the animal between the ears.
"My mom thinks they're cute, and besides," he added, noting his
wife's incredulous expression, "we *know* we can get rid of
Mxyzptlk. It's just a matter of how."

"Oy," Lois moaned as she headed down the stairs. She paused when
she saw Jimmy Olsen standing near the door.

She took a deep breath. "Hi, Jimmy."

"Hi, Mrs. *Superman*."

[chrispat]
Lois gasped. She had never heard Jimmy speak in that sarcastic tone
of voice before. He continued. "I thought we were friends."

"Oh, Jimmy. We *are* friends. You know that."

Before she could say more, cars and dozens of people suddenly
converged on the townhouse. Flashbulbs went off and everyone
shouted questions. Lois grabbed Jimmy, pulling him into the house
and slamming the door.

Clark came running down the stairs. "What's going on? Oh, hi,
Jimmy."

"Clark, it's like a nightmare. What are we going to do?"

Lois was shaking. Clark put his arm around her, holding her close.
"We'll get through this, honey, and maybe Jimmy can help."

Jimmy glared at Clark. "Why should I help you? You betrayed the
Planet and all your friends. This story could only have come from
you and Lois. Who else would know all those details?"

Before they could respond, he was out the door, slamming it behind
him.

[Eraygun]
"Gee, he's taking this surprisingly well, don't you think, honey?"
Clark said sardonically

"Clark, this is no time to be funny."

"I know, honey. I was just trying to inject a little humor into the
situation."

"Clark, injecting humor into our current situation is like trying
to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic after it struck the
iceberg!" Lois sat down dejectedly on the living room sofa. "The
world knows your secret, our closest friends feel betrayed, what
looks like the entire Metropolis press corps is outside our door.
I don't see how it could get much worse."

As if on cue, the phone rang.

"Clark, don't answer it!"

"What?!"

"You know it's probably my mother."

"Honey, calm down. If it's your mother, I'll handle her."

"Oh, really," Lois replied sarcastically.

Feeling that discretion was the better part of valor, Clark
refrained from responding to Lois' comment and instead answered the
phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, dear."

"Hi, Mom. I guess you and Dad have seen the papers."

"Yes, and the news reports on the radio and TV."

"What's going on, son?" Jonathan's voice cut in. "We've got
reporters from as far away as Chicago surrounding our place,
demanding interviews! Rachel and her deputies are guarding the
farmhouse!"

Martha interrupted Jonathan in turn. "Have you two lost your
minds!?"

[Lansbury]
"I'm sorry you've been brought into this mess." Clark glanced over
at Lois as he continued, "We've been trying to figure out what
happened, and I think we've come across a clue to who may have
broken the story to the press."

"Who, son?" both parents asked in unison.

"I can't answer that yet, Mom and Dad. We need to check a couple of
facts. But I want you both to promise me you'll do what Rachel
says. And Dad," Clark stressed, "let Rachel and her deputies do
their job. I want you both safe. It seems as if time is moving too
fast for me to attend to all the details of this situation."

Just as he spoke the words, he heard strange sounds on the
other end of the phone, like hyper chipmunks tweeting away. Clark
took the phone from his ear and gave it a slight shake. "Now what?"
he whispered under his breath.

Clark stood with the receiver still in mid-air as he watched Lois
whizzing to him from across the room in one fluid movement. In a
wink of an eye, the tweeting chipmunk sounds from the phone
stopped and his speeding wife returned to normal.

"Clark, you won't believe who called this morning. A representative
from Sotheby's Auction House in New York City. They want to hold an
auction of your baby things. They told me we would make millions."

A puzzled Clark was brought back to reality by his mother's words.
"Mom, my baby things? They can't be serious."

"I laughed in his ear and told him, 'not in this lifetime.'"

Clark looked at Lois. He placed his hand over the phone. "Honey,
you all right? Something very strange just happened."

"What happened? First I was over by the window and, next thing I
knew, I sped over here to you."

They looked at each other for a split-second longer, asking
questions with their eyes.

"Clark, you there? We just had the strangest thing happen here."

"I know, Mom. I have to go and find out what's going on. I'll talk
to you as soon as I can."

To lighten the mood of the last few minutes, Clark chuckled. "Oh,
and Mom! Don't sell any of my stuff to any collectors. It took me
forever to get my collection of Batman comics. I love you both.
Bye." Not giving his parents a chance to reply, he hung up the
phone.

Clark placed the receiver back on the hook as a loud sharp ring
came from it. Lois took his arm and gestured to let the answering
machine pick it up. "Hi, kids. Are you feeling the strain of
people knowing? Can't really be good for the two of you."

Both Lois and Clark made a dive for the phone. Clark grabbed the
receiver. "Mxy! What do you want? Why are you doing this?" Clark
was greeted with only the sound of a dial tone buzzing in his ear.

"We'd better get dressed. Lord only knows what else is going to
happen this morning."

"That's a good idea, honey." They both headed upstairs.

Ten minutes later, they were fully clothed and back downstairs.
There was loud banging coming from the kitchen door.

"Now what?" said Lois as she pulled back the curtain. "Mother!
Daddy! What a surprise."

[sharper]
"I can't deal with this," Lois said. "Not until I've at least had
a cup of coffee. Clark, you let 'em in." She started toward the
stairs.

"Honey, where're you going? The coffee's right here."

She whirled back to face him and snapped, "I'm sending out for
some!"

Clark, who was feeling no less harassed than his fleeing spouse,
raked one hand through his hair and tried to wipe the grimace off
his face. He opened the door a crack.

"Sam, Ellen, come in."

It was a good thing Clark really *was* Superman or he might not
have been able to hold the door against the press of reporters who
tried to follow the Lanes into the townhouse. Clark leaned back
against the door and locked it, ignoring the frantic cries of the
press outside.

"It's starting to feel like we're under siege here," Clark began.

"*Starting*? Our phone hasn't stopped ringing all morning, and
Sam and I had to sneak out to the car," Ellen said. She took a
breath and added, "How could you do this? It's bad enough that you
kept it from us, but to then turn around and spill it without
warning us!"

"Ellen," Sam warned her, and continued to Clark. "Well, I for one
was relieved. It explained a lot of things that had troubled me."

Clark cocked his head inquiringly, and Sam went on, "Like how my
daughter was behaving toward Superman when he-- you -- had that
Kryptonian virus a couple of years ago."

[SUPERCat]
"Actually, there are a few more times I can think of--" Sam
continued.

"Wait! I hear a cry for help!" Clark interrupted. "Sorry, I gotta
fly. Literally."

"I have to go, too!" Lois added. "You are *not* leaving me here
alone with my parents and two hundred reporters!" she whispered to
Clark.

Clark changed to Superman, scooped up Lois, and left two angry
parents arguing in the townhouse.

                    *         *         *

"Alone at last!" exclaimed Clark as he and Lois reached the clouds.

"Wait a minute... there isn't really a disaster, is there?" Lois
asked.

"Well... not technically, but I consider that headline, Mxyzptlk,
your parents, and every reporter within five hundred miles on our
doorstep, a disaster!"

Lois and Clark proceeded to mull over where to go, what to do, and
how to get rid of Mxy.

<Beep, beep, beep.

"Oh, that's my beeper!" Lois exclaimed. "Perry can't possibly
expect us to work today, can he?"

"Apparently, he can," answered Clark as he glanced at Lois' beeper.
"Next stop, Daily Planet!"

                    *         *         *

Lois and Superman touched down on the roof of the Daily Planet. The
building was mobbed by hundreds of people anxious to find out what
was going on. "Good thing we flew here! The Jeep would have never
made it through this mess!" Lois said.

Lois and Clark hurried off the roof and into the elevator. They
managed to squeeze in a few of those elevator kisses before the
doors opened on the newsroom, revealing...

[Misha]
...a deck chair draped with a distinctive red cape.

Sitting in the chair, feet kicked up and resting in mid-air, sat
Mxyzptlk, an unsettling grin on his face.

Clark lunged for him, but he popped out of sight. "Naughty,
naughty, Supes!" Mxy's voice lingered in their ears. "I try and
check up on you, and this is the thanks I get?"

The deck chair disappeared, its nameplate clattering to the floor,
and Lois and Clark looked down on the suddenly hushed newsroom.

Normally full of running reporters and scurrying secretaries, the
newsroom of the Daily Planet was packed wall-to-wall with the top
names from the most important television stations, newspapers and
news magazines. The silence only lasted the 2.7 seconds it took for
the assembled reporters to realize the identity of the new
arrivals. Then chaos erupted as each one tried to force a way
through the packed crowd to the elevators.

Black-suited men materialized to either side of Lois and Clark.
Surrounding the two, they forced their way through the crowd,
propelling the dazed couple towards the Chief Editor's office.

Perry was pacing inside, Jimmy dancing in sullen attendance. Lois
and Clark stumbled in, their grim escort mounting a guard outside.

Lois was the first to recover her wits. "Chief, what's--"

Perry cut her off. "I'm saving the lecture for later, kids. The
government wants to talk to you. Or rather, the government wants to
fight over jurisdiction over you."

The trio on Perry's couch had risen, and didn't seem very happy
with him or the situation. The two men and one woman appeared to
all be suffering from a lack of sleep and a distinct shortage of a
sense of humor.

They glared at Perry and shot dirty looks at Jimmy, but seemed to
avoid looking at each other.

"Superman... Mr. Kent?" The woman seemed at a loss.

[zoomway]
"His name is *Clark*," Lois said, shrugging off the hold on her
arm. "And what do you mean 'jurisdiction'? Is that like asking,
'are you a good witch or a bad witch'?"

"Actually, ma'am," a familiar deadpan voice intoned, "we just want
to know if he's an American witch."

Lois folded her arms. "Special Agent Carrigan. I haven't seen you
since you ignored my warning about the Prankster."

"Listen," Clark interrupted, "you have no right to treat me or my
wife as prisoners."

"You're not a prisoner, Superman. We refer to this as 'protective
custody.'"

"And if we don't cooperate," Lois said, "the handcuffs would be
silver fashion accessories?"

"Now, hold on just a minute." Perry stepped forward. "Superman
doesn't need protective custody, so as an old news-hound, my
instincts tell me something else is going on here."

The female agent looked at the editor condescendingly. "Mr. White,
this is government business. The only reason we have you and Mr.
Olsen here is to find out how long the two of you knew Superman's
identity before it was released to the press."

Clark shook his head angrily. "We never told *anyone* the secret.
It's a dangerous secret and we wouldn't do that to people we care
about."

"But you didn't mind putting your wife in danger, Superman?" the
third agent asked.

"I figured it out!" Lois said, almost nose to nose with the agent.
"He didn't *tell* me... of course, it ticked me off when I found
out, and I wondered if we'd have kids flying around the house
before he got around to it--"

"Lois..." Clark sighed.

Jimmy finally smiled. He realized, super-powers or not, Superman
or not, they were still 'Lois and Clark'.

"Superman," the agent said, ignoring Lois' tirade, "you're listed
as born in Smallville, Kansas, February 28, 1966. So are Martha and
Jonathan Kent also from Krypton?"

Lois laughed. "Puh-leeze! I would expect you to ask if *my*
parents were from another planet, but *not* Clark's."

"We're wasting time," the female agent said, and as she spoke, her
smart, tailored black suit changed into a clown costume. The two
other agents turned to look at her, only to be sprayed in the
face by a huge flower pinned to her costume.

"Come on, guys!" Jimmy said and waved Lois and Clark towards the
elevators.

[ChiefPam]
The three of them hustled into the elevator, with Jimmy rudely
evicting a Metropolis Star stringer. As the doors shut, the silence
was momentarily deafening. "Well, that was weird," Lois stated.

"Oh, I dunno," Jimmy remarked. "A government agent in a clown suit,
a reporter in spandex... I think those might be about the same
weirdness level."

Clark half-grinned. "Yeah, maybe so. So... are you still upset?"

"Nah... well, kinda. But I guess you had your reasons, and it
woulda been really strange to know, you know?"

"Oh, I know," Lois nodded. "And it wasn't even good blackmail
material, because if I told anyone, well, "this* would have
happened... which it did, anyway." She sighed.

With a soft ping, the elevator doors opened onto the lobby, which
was teeming with the public and the reporters who hadn't been quick
enough to get upstairs.

"Oh, God, I can't handle this," Lois moaned.

Clark used his super-speed to hit the "door close" and "roof
level" buttons. "Sorry, Jimbo, I'm gonna have to give you a lift
home, I guess."

"Oh, I never mind that, Supe-- Clark," he corrected himself with a
quick head-shake.

"Clark," Lois frowned suddenly, "I bet you some of those jokers
took to the stairs to try to follow us. Can you check?"

Clark cocked his head to the side, listening for stampeding
footsteps in the stairwell. "Yeah, they are, but I don't think
they'll get there in time--"

Suddenly, reality seemed to spin, and the lights on the elevator
panel flashed, racing upwards to the top level. Things returned to
normal as the elevator opened onto the roof.

"Uh, Clark..." Jimmy asked shakily, "did you do that?"

Clark shook his head slowly. "I don't think so."

Lois frowned. This had happened earlier. If only she could figure
out what it was, or even why it happened... She was certain this
could be the key.

[ChrisM]
Lois started to mention her idea to Clark, but was interrupted by
the nerve-wracking sound of helicopters closing in on them. All
three looked up and around, only to see several choppers converging
on the Daily Planet. There was one from each of the local news
stations, as well as representatives from every branch of the
military.

"Clark, this is getting scary now," Lois shouted.

"And crowded, too," he replied as he grabbed both Lois and Jimmy
and took off -- *down* the side of the building.

Clark heard Jimmy's gasp of fright, but didn't have time to do more
than send a reassuring smile in his friend's direction. He was
concentrating on getting them all out of there safely. Weaving
quickly in and out of alleyways and side streets and keeping to
about second-story level, it wasn't long before they'd
out-distanced and out-maneuvered their pursuers.

When Clark finally set down in a small residential-area park, all
Jimmy could say was, "Wow, CK. That sure beats any video game I've
ever played!"

Lois had to laugh, but still clung to Clark. They hadn't been able
to catch their breath since Perry had banged on their door that
morning.

"Okay," Clark told them, "the trees here should provide us with
some cover, and no-one can see us from the street, so I hope we'll
have a chance to talk things over."

He removed his jacket and laid it on the ground so Lois would have
a place to sit. They settled themselves on the ground, but then
just stared at one another for a few minutes. No-one seemed to be
able to think of where to start. Finally, it was Lois who got
things rolling again. "All right. Let's go over what we know.
Mixelspit is here again--"

"What--?" Jimmy interrupted her. "What's a Mixel...?"

Lois looked at Clark, who looked back at Lois. "It's a long story,
Jimmy," Clark told him, "but I'll try to sum it up for you."

After Clark's explanation, Jimmy was still looking confused, and
Clark could hardly blame him. "So you see, we've got to figure out
how to send this... imp... back to his own dimension."

"Well, maybe I can help you there, CK. I play lots of computer
games with goblins and imps and things in them. Role-playing
stuff, you know."

Lois smiled, but looked doubtful. "Thanks, Jimmy. We can try, but
I'm not sure..."

"At this point," Clark asserted, "I'll try anything. Well, let's
get started planning what we're going to do. I don't know how much
time we'll have before--"

The air around them was suddenly filled with birds -- flying upside
down and all talking at once in hundreds of different languages.

"What the--?" Clark exclaimed.

[Eraygun]
Then, just as quickly as it had occurred, the strange effect
was over and everything was back to normal -- if *anything* could
be considered normal today.

"Did you just see what I saw?" Clark asked anxiously. Lois and
Jimmy nodded. "Like reality was being warped or twisted every
time--" Clark began.

Before he could finish the sentence, the spinning began again, and
everything around them began to change color -- first electric
blue, then red, and then gold. The pattern repeated over and over
until finally, just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.

"Thank God," Lois said. "I was getting seasick. This has to be
connected to Mxy somehow. But what's the key? Why is this
happening?"

[Lansbury]
Jimmy looked at both Lois and Clark. "There must be a pattern here
somewhere. Let's play back each incident and see what they have in
common."

For the next ten minutes they stood and discussed each strange
occurrence. Finally it was Lois who saw the connection. "Don't you
two get it? These strange occurrences have only happened when
someone mentions the word *time*."

As if to prove her statement, both Jimmy's and Clark's jackets and
shirts disappeared, and they stood before her, topless.

Lois reached over to touch her husband's bare chest but, as soon
as her hand touched Clark's body, the clothes suddenly
re-materialized as they had been a second before.

"What the heck just happened, CK?" Jimmy began to uncross his
arms, which he had instinctively raised when his clothes had
disappeared.

"Gentlemen, I think we know the keyword which controls Mxy's little
trip to our dimension. Now we need to figure out how he uses it and
for what purpose."

Clark and Jimmy looked at each other and back at Lois. Her eyes
were locked on a faraway point, giving the illusion she was in a
trance. "Ho, boy! CK, she's got that look that means she's going
to have a doozy of a plan." Turning to Clark, he placed a hand on
his shoulder. "It's a good thing you *are* Superman. No mere mortal
male could survive her when she's like this."

"Tell me about it," Clark said to Jimmy.

"Hey, I heard that. Just for that kind of talk, I don't think I
*will* tell you what I've come up with." She teasingly looked at
both and gave her husband an elbow to the ribs.

"See what I have to put up with?" he said over her head to Jimmy,
with a smile reaching from ear to ear.

[Mackteach]
Matching Clark's smile, Lois winked at him before wrapping her arms
around his waist. "And I put up with you for exactly the same
reason you put up with me." She looked into his eyes, knowing that
the memories of that particular "making up" were just as sweet for
Clark. "Do you remember that t--"

Her question was cut off by Jimmy's cough. "Um, guys? I'm sorry to
interrupt a tender moment here, but can we get back to trying to
beat this Mistletoe person?"

Lois sighed and turned away from Clark's gaze and smile. "You're
right, Jimmy. Okay. Here are some ideas... "

Clark and Jimmy listened.

[zoomway]
"Suppose we try and overload Mxy?"

"Overload?" Clark asked, shaking his head.

"Yes. What if we say ti-- the 'T' word non-stop, the three of
us," Lois suggested.

"Sort of flood his circuits." Jimmy smiled. "Cool."

"What's not so 'cool'," Clark interrupted, "is that people could
get hurt. So far, most of these occurrences have been harmless,
but if we push him--"

Lois sighed. "Well, his fixation with the 'T' word has to be key."

Jimmy brightened. "Tell ya what, guys. I'll go home and boot up
Shroud. It's kind of a lame RPG, and I had to make a boot disk
for it because the EMS--"

"Jimmy," Clark said, surprised that Jimmy was a lot like Lois when
he hit ramble mode. "What are you *talking* about?"

"Oh, a role-playing computer game, CK. Check it out," he beamed.
"You're this monk who's banished by this evil sorcerer to Nether
Realm, and to get back you have to go on this quest and find allies
who--"

Lois put a hand on his shoulder. "Cut to the chase."

"It has gnomes, elves and imps," he shrugged. "And according to
their website, it's all based on authentic folklore."

Lois and Clark exchanged a glance and then looked back at Jimmy.
"Go for it," Clark said. "We'll call you when we find a place to...
hide from the adoring public."

                    *         *         *

[Mackteach]
"Right... okay... thanks, Jimmy." Lois hung up the phone in their
room at the Cozy Motel. She looked at Clark sitting at the foot of
the bed, watching the news reports. Her heart went out to him. He
looked so distressed and forlorn.

Walking over to the bed, she sat slightly behind him, her arms
going around his shoulders, her head leaning against him. She saw
that the Kent farmhouse now rivaled the scene outside a major
motion picture premiere. Photographers and reporters were swarming
everywhere. Rachel Harris and her staff were hard-pressed to keep
them off the property. She felt Clark's body rise and fall with his
soft sigh of worry.

"I'm sure they're fine," she whispered.

He reached for her hand and squeezed. Pulling it off his shoulder,
he pressed a soft kiss into the palm. "I know. It's just that..."

"You wish you could be there. That you could do something...
anything."

Clark sighed again. He turned to look at her. "You know me so
well." A gentle smile came to his lips, but Lois noticed that his
eyes were still filled with worry and concern. Not just for his
parents, but for everyone -- herself, especially.

She gave in to the urge to kiss him, pressing her lips softly to
his. "I know that we will get through this the same way we have
gotten through everything else. Together." She smiled away her own
worries, concentrating on giving Clark the reassurances he wanted
to hear.

He turned more fully to face her, his other hand coming up to
caress her face, the gesture so familiar and welcome. "Have I told
you lately how much you mean to me?"

"If you mean within the last ten minutes... no, you haven't."

Clark smiled. "Let me fix that right now."

They leaned toward each other, both eager to put aside their
worries for a short time.

[Misha]
Their lips had barely touched when the phone blared its unwelcome
siren across the motel room. Clark groaned as Lois reached for the
receiver. "What *now*, Jimmy?" Lois fairly snarled.

"Well, ah, I thought you'd better know. The Chief's singing again."
Jimmy sounded apologetic, and Lois bet he had a whipped-puppy look
on his face.

"There'd better be a point to this, Jimmy." Lois rolled her eyes at
Clark, and shifted a little closer to him. His hand traced a
twisting line down her back.

"Well, it's not Elvis... he's singing the Beach Boys."

"The who?!" Lois sat up straight so fast she almost jumped off the
bed. Clark's eyebrows shot up.

"No, the Beach Boys. Well, the woman who was in the clown suit said
ti-- the 'T' word, and then Perry jumped up on his desk and, well,
he hasn't stopped yet."

"It's getting worse." The worries of the world settled on Clark's
shoulders again.

"Okay, Jimmy. We'll be right there." Lois hung up the phone slowly,
her eyes never leaving Clark's. His hand came up to cup her face
again, and she leaned into his touch for the briefest of moments.

Then the window in the bathroom shattered, the phone rang and the
pounding on the door started.

"Augh! Will it never end?" Lois' patience was nearing its frayed
end.

"We're going to fix it, Lois. Believe that." Clark drew her close,
and kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and settled on her
lips.

The crisp tinkle of broken glass in the other room drew them apart,
and they both smiled sadly as Clark picked her up. With a quick
glance at either entrance, he whisked them out the door to the
connecting room, out of the building, and back to the Daily Planet.

[sharper]
This time, Clark entered the Planet city room directly, opening the
windows with a puff of super-breath and sailing into the room with
Lois in his arms as he had once done so long before.

She looked down at their gaping audience and smiled faintly. "Well,
that's one way to avoid the helicopters on the roof and the sharks
in the lobby."

A smile flickered across Clark's mouth. Despite everything, it was
nice to be able to be himself publicly, hiding neither his powers
nor his feelings for the woman in his arms.

The "Wow!" that went up from their audience immediately reminded
him of what was so terrible about such freedom, and his features
had settled into Superman's stern expression by the time he gently
deposited Lois in front of Perry's office door.

A quick scan through the closed blinds told Clark that Perry was
back to normal and the formerly clown-costumed government agent was
waiting to take Lois, at least, into custody. Even as the reporters
and TV cameramen converged on them, he scooped her up and shot into
the nearest empty conference room, closed the door, and leaned
against it.

"Do you think that'll hold them?" Lois asked when she got her
breath back.

"No, but I just want to buy some time."

Lois spun back to face him, her eyes wide in horror at what he'd
said.

Money -- bills, coins, barley and salt -- poured out of the
ceiling, not only on Lois and Clark, but in the newsroom too, where
the other reporters dove for cover.

A pot of gold suddenly appeared on the conference room table, and
a mocking imp sat on it like the leprechaun he resembled.

[zoomway]
"Faith and begorrah," Mxy said, pulling a clay pipe from his teeth.
He smiled. "You mortals have such vivid imaginations. In the fifth
dimension, we don't have them at all -- but then again, in the
fifth dimension, fire hydrants wet on dogs. You have it backwards
here."

"That's your problem, Mxy," Lois said. "You can whip up gold and it
means nothing to you. It only has value here if it's rare, but you
don't know what that means, do you?"

Mxy picked up a coin and peeled it, revealing chocolate. "Actually,
Lois 'know-it-all' Lane, I got this gold out of your memory. Want
some?"

Clark put his arm around Lois' waist. "Why don't you just go home,
Mxyzptlk? What is it you could possibly want here? You can have
anything you want anyway, and so--"

"It's a *time* thing, SuperKent." Both Lois and Clark cringed when
he said the 'T' word. "Don't worry. *I* can say it and not cause
a problem."

"What do you mean it's a ti-- t-i-m-e thing?" Lois asked, and
scooped up a handful of chocolate coins.

"It doesn't exist in the fifth dimension. We don't have that magic.
It's like your love for each other. I've never seen anything so
powerful."

"Magic?"

"Yes. I can't break the love spell, but this time spell is easy to
break. It *is* your timepieces that make time happen, right?"

Lois laughed. "Oh boy, you are so--"

"Right!" Clark interjected quickly.

Lois looked at Clark and understood. "Yes. Clever of you to figure
out that clocks and watches cause time here."

"Well, I *am* a superior being," Mxyzptlk bragged.

"And that's why weird things happen when anyone says the "T" word?"

"Exactly. I've put something of a curse on time here," he said
casually. "Making people afraid of time, so they will destroy the
timepieces that enslave them. "

Clark raised his eyebrows. "And why exactly did you pull the stunt
of telling the world I'm Superman?"

Mxyzptlk looked at Clark and sighed. "I was miffed. You tricked me
and sent me back. I wanted to destroy your love magic and thought
it was connected more to Clark than Superman."

Lois shook her head. "You're an idiot," she said flatly.

"That's *Mister* idiot, honey," Clark smiled.

Mxyzptlk flew into a rage, literally. He rose above the pot of
gold. "I can melt this whole dimension into a thimble!" he ranted.

"I don't think so," Clark said calmly. "There's a master timepiece
that can keep you from doing anything *and* send you back home."

[ChrisM]
Mxyzptlk abruptly stopped his ranting and stared at Clark. "You're
making that up," he said accusingly.

"Okay," Clark agreed, then made as if to pick up Lois again. "Come
on, honey, we've got work to do."

"Wait!" Mxyzptlk yelled.

Lois and Clark turned to face him. "Why should we, Mixyupit?" Lois
asked.

"Because... because, if you don't, I'll do something worse. I'll
give everyone two heads. I'll make them all sing '99 Bottles of
Beer on the Wall'. I'll--"

"Okay!" Clark said, holding up his hands in surrender. "I don't
want you to hurt my friends. What is it you want?"

"Well, what do you think I want?" He glanced at Lois. "Didn't marry
him for his brains, did you?"

Mxyzptlk glared at Clark, floating closer to him and jabbing his
finger forcefully towards Clark's chest. "I want you to tell me all
about this 'master timepiece'."

Clark looked at Lois, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry, honey. I
know we said we wouldn't tell him about this."

Lois reached for his hand. "I know, Clark. It's all right. You have
no choice."

Mxyzptlk rubbed his hands together gleefully, laughing to himself
over his defeat of Superman. "Come on... let's get going. The
sooner we get to this timepiece, the sooner I can take over this
world."

"All right," Clark agreed. "You follow us."

"Right behind you, Supie."

"The clock from which all other clocks take their commands is in
England, but we have to make a stop first to pick up something."

"What? What?"

"You'll see."

Fifteen minutes later, Lois and Clark, with their unwelcome
traveling companion, were on their way to Greenwich, near London
(home of Greenwich Mean Time), after having stopped off at the
Smithsonian in Washington, D.C.

Mxy was now the proud possessor of a beautiful hand-crafted pocket
watch which had once been given to a former president by a foreign
dignitary. Lois had explained that this watch was the talisman
which would unlock the security around the master clock.

Once the three of them landed in Greenwich, Superman led the way
into the building which housed "the clock."

"Now," Lois reminded Mxy, "you have to walk around this circle
twice, in a clock-wise rotation, while holding the president's
watch."

"Yes," Clark agreed, "and don't forget the magic words."

"Got it," Mxyzptlk said, concentrating. He started to do as they
had instructed him, but then suddenly stopped. "Wait a minute --
do you two think I just fell off a potato truck this morning?"

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Lois asked, just a shade too
innocently.

"I bet there's something fishy going on here." He looked
suspiciously around the room, at the clock face laid out in the
terrazzo floor beneath their feet, and at the curious crowd which
had gathered in the room.

He turned back to Lois and Superman, triumph written all over his
face. "I know what it is."

He moved out into the center of the room once again, but this time
in a *counter*-clockwise direction, and, skipping gleefully,
recited the "magic words."

"Ti-ime is on my side... yes, it is. Ti-ime is on my side. Oh,
yeah!" As soon as he'd completed two circuits, the room began to
sparkle and shimmer.

Lois reached for Clark and he pulled her into a super hug.

Mxyzptlk screamed in frustration. "NO! This isn't faaaaiiir!" And
then he was gone in a puff of smoke.

[Eraygun]
With a grin, Clark scooped Lois up in his arms and began winging
his way back to Metropolis.

"We did it!" Lois said triumphantly

"You bet we did, sweetheart. Thank heaven you remembered enough of
your earlier research so that Jimmy could track down an alternative
spell to send him back. 'Widdershins' -- going in reverse -- has
been associated with spell-casting for centuries. Who knows, maybe
it all started with some long-ago visit by one of Mxy's friends."

"Well, we were lucky, too. I thought we'd have to trick Mxy into
revealing time's connection to all the weird stuff that was
happening. Who knew he'd be such a blabbermouth?"

"What we did was still risky, though. How could you be so certain
he'd do the opposite of what we said, honey?"

"I couldn't be certain, but I knew we had to take a chance. After
all, that's what our life together is all about, isn't it?"

Clark grinned. "You know, that has a familiar ring to it."

[Lansbury]
The closer they got to home, the foggier everything was getting.
"Clark, can you find the way home?" Lois asked in a concerned
voice. "I can't see anything any more, and I'm getting frightened."

Lois turned her head to hear Clark's answer, but was shocked to
find he was no longer with her. She was drifting through a cloud of
fog, calling Clark's name over and over.

In final desperation, she screamed with all her might, "CLARK!!"

At the sound of her voice, Clark jolted awake from a sound sleep to
find Lois tossing and turning in bed, calling his name repeatedly.
"Honey, wake up. You're dreaming. Come on, open your eyes. I'm
here."

Lois' first conscious image was of Clark's worried face hovering
over her. "Are you okay? That must have been some nightmare."

"Oh, Clark, that dream was so real. I dreamed Mxy was here again
and wanted to change time."

As soon as she said the word 'time' the clock radio came on. "If I
could turn back time... If I could find the way..." Cher sang.

Lois stared at the clock, and then her eyes traveled to the stack
of gold coins beside it.

"Lois, it wasn't a dream. It was all too real. We were lucky we
found out how to trick him this time. He left and you fell asleep
on the way home. I didn't have the heart to wake you, so I put
you to bed."

[Mackteach]
She felt his arm tighten around her shoulder as he pulled her
closer to him. She sighed contentedly, then raised her head and
looked into his eyes. "You all right?"

Clark looked back at his wife, seeing the love and concern in her
eyes. He brushed a stray lock of hair away from her warm brown
eyes. "You're here in my arms. Why wouldn't I be all right?"

Lois shifted her position so that she could look at Clark more
directly. "Don't try to fool me, Clark. I know that you were
worried today." She thought back to their short respite at the Cozy
Motel. "In fact, I'd venture to say that you were scared."

Clark let out a long breath. He could never fool Lois. "You're
right, honey. I *was* worried... scared. Having you... my
parents... Perry... Jimmy... even Sam and Ellen... in possible
danger because everyone knows that I'm Superman. It's just..."

"Something you don't want to think about. I know. But sometimes you
*need* to think about it."

Clark nodded, his hand reaching out to caress her face. "I know.
And I do." His hand moved to the back of her neck and pulled her
toward him. "But..."

Lois smiled softly. "But?"

"Not right now..." Their lips touched and, this time, they were
able to indulge in the feelings and sensations that before they
hadn't had time for. "Right now..." Clark murmured against her
lips. Her tongue darted out to brush against his mouth.

"Yes?"

"...and if you need to be at work, it's time to rise and shine!
Here's our morning traffic report..." Lois threw a glare at the
clock radio.

Catching her look, Clark chuckled. "There are some things even *we*
can't change, honey."

"I know. It's just so annoying sometimes." She sighed once more
and began to get out of bed. She let out a squeal of surprise as
Clark pulled her back into his arms. "Clark! We're going to be
late!"

"Lois. Don't you know that you're married to Superman? I can get us
to the Planet faster than... well, you know."

She gazed at Clark, love making her eyes shine. "You're
Superman?!?!?! Now, there's a scoop for Perry!"

"I'll give you a scoop..." He kissed her once. "We have..." He
kissed her twice. "...all the time..." He kissed her three times.
"...in the world."

Her eyes drifted closed as he pulled her more fully into his arms,
then flew open again at the sound of the doorbell, long and
insistent. She groaned and fell back, covering her head with a
pillow. "Can you get that, Clark?"

Chuckling, Clark leaned over and lifted the pillow. He placed a
soft kiss on her forehead before leaving the bed. "Sure thing." As
quickly as possible, he zoomed down the stairs.

Adjusting his glasses, he opened the door. "Jimmy? Wha--"

"CK! I thought you and Lois were my friends..." Jimmy stood there
pointing a rolled newspaper at Clark.

Clark's gaze turned wary. Uh-oh, he thought. "Lois!" he yelled
up the stairs. "You'd better come down here."

As the two men waited for Lois, Jimmy shook his head. "Man, CK, I
wish you had told me..."

"Jimmy, I--"

"I mean, after all this time, you'd think that you could trust
me..."

"We do, Jimmy. We trust you."

Jimmy and Clark turned to watch Lois come down the stairs. As she
reached the bottom of the stairway, she pulled her robe belt
tighter. "What's this all about?" She threw a quick glance at
Clark.

Clark shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea, honey."

Jimmy unrolled the newspaper. "You'd better get one, CK. Or Perry's
gonna have *both* your heads on a platter. Imagine, getting scooped
by the Metropolis Star." He handed the newspaper to Lois.

She took it cautiously, fully expecting to see the blaring headline
from before. Reading it, she let out the breath she didn't know she
had been holding. She smiled at Clark before handing him the
newspaper.

Bolstered by Lois' reaction, Clark took the newspaper and read the
headline out loud: "President Resigns." He looked up from the
paper and grinned at Lois.

They laughed out loud and embraced as relief flooded through them
both. "We did it. We really did it!"

Clark held her away for a moment and looked at his wife, his eyes
full of love. "Yeah. Together."

Before they could lean together to kiss, Jimmy's slightly
embarrassed cough caught their attention. Staying within each
other's arms, they looked at him. "Um, guys? Did I miss something
here? The Planet's just been scooped, and the two of you are
laughing like it's the greatest thing in the world."

Chuckling, Clark left Lois' embrace and guided Jimmy to the front
door. "Trust us, Jimmy. You don't know the half of it. Tell Perry
we'll be in later." He literally pushed Jimmy out the door.

"Um... CK? Lois?" 'Bye, Jimmy...' was all he heard as the door
closed on him.

He listened for a moment and heard a girlish giggle and a sudden
swoosh. "Nah. Couldn't be." He shook his head and headed for the
Daily Planet, whistling "Time After Time."

THE END